Original subtitles

Mr Merridon, the materials used are of the highest standard.

No expense has been spared.

And ...

as you can see,

the design is perfect

for the use of maximum security.

Only one entrance, secluded site.

Don't you agree?

- What about Remak? - Remak?

Oh, well ...

he's ... he's naturally in the centre of the complex

in complete control.

He needs clean air and lots of it.

- And temperature control. - All built in, Mr Merridon.

Fully air-conditioned, central heating,

fail-safe circuits, nothing but the best.

Hm.

- Through there? - Yes, sir.

- And everything's working? - Oh, everything.

(Machine whirring)

Well, Mr Merridon, what do you think?

That's up to Remak. Why don't you ask him?

No, no, no!

No!

(High-pitched pulse)

Remak.

- Have you heard that name? - I don't think so, no.

- Oh. - Who is he?

I don't know. In fact, I know almost nothing about him.

Is he who you expected when I arrived?

No. I was waiting for a man who does know him,

who's been working with him.

- One of our people? - Mm-hm.

- Trouncer. - Oh, Trouncer.

- It's not like him to be late. - That's what worries me.

I have a strong, sneaky suspicion that he's run into trouble.

I'll just check the timelocks on the main gate,

make sure they're accurate.

I shouldn't bother. Remak's very thorough.

He'd let us know if anything was wrong.

Rather be safe than sorry.

Hm. Well, please yourself.

Not thinking of leaving us, are you, Mr Trouncer?

Just going to check something.

What's going on? Brinstead, what are you doing?

I've just come from Remak.

He came up with a very interesting piece of information.

Trouncer here is a traitor. He's working for them.

- Are you positive? - Remak is.

He doesn't make mistakes.

How much have you told them?

Everything. My department knows the whole set-up.

He's lying. Remak said he gave no information at all.

That's all right, then. All we have to do is make sure that he can't talk.

Kill him.

(Gunshot)

One thing's certain. He'll run straight to Steed. Get the car.

- I want you to contact Edwards ... - What time do you make it?

- It's about 11:30. Now, if you contact ... - I mean, precisely what time?

Oh, I see. Precisely.

Three, two, one ... 11:30 ... now.

Hooray.

A pink and purple pass?

Hm, valid from exactly 11:30 today for one whole week.

I'm on holiday.

You didn't tell me.

I thought you might use your influence to stop its issue.

- Now, would I do a thing like that? - Of course.

Now neither you or Mother or anyone can stop me.

I'm going to where there's sun and sea and sand.

- You don't mind? - Of course not. You deserve a holiday.

- When are you going? - Now.

Enjoy every moment of it.

Send me a postcard.

Every hour on the hour.

Mother? Steed.

Can you set up a meeting of all operatives?

About Remak.

Yes.

And you'll have to add another name to your "missing" list: Trouncer.

Now.

(Engine revving)

(Tyres screech)

I'll be there in less than an hour.

Trouncer!

Trouncer, was it Remak?

Try and tell me about it.

Re... Remak ...

- Killer. - Yeah? Go on.

Polly...

Polly...

Tell Mother.

Forbes-Blakeney, a word with you.

- Bad business, Steed. - I agree.

- Did Trouncer give you anything? - He just mentioned Remak and killer.

Then he said something that did puzzle me.

Polly.

- Polly? - Mean anything to you?

- Parrots. - A flock of killer parrots.

Polly, Polly, Polly, Pony, Pony.

- Polly... thene. - I beg your pardon?

Polythene!

Polythene. Polly, polythene, plastic.

Links, connections.

Now, there's something I'd like you to look into.

The matter of a recently discovered body.

I should stay close to Remak.

No, wait. This cadaver was discovered in rather odd circumstances.

How odd?

- In a graveyard. - There's nothing odd about that.

Ah, but this one was wrapped in plastic and tied up with ribbon.

Now, that is very interesting.

I don't think you've met Lady Diana Forbes-Blakeney.

John Steed.

How do you do, Lady Diana Forbes-Blakeney?

How do you do?

Don't!

Blakeney will be accompanying you on this case.

She's standing in for Miss King.

Oh? Splendid. Of course, active duty is a little different from training school.

Forbes-Blakeney has just joined us from Special Service.

- Has she now? - Yes.

She's just spent 18 months undercover

organising our agents in the eastern hemisphere.

- Eastern hemisphere? - Hardly the eastern hemisphere.

- Just the Orient. - The Orient?

Maybe you can teach me a thing or two.

I doubt that very much.

I'd be delighted if you'd pay attention to the matter in hand.

- The address. - Oh, thank you very much.

- Right, shall we go? - Where to?

There's a little disused graveyard to the north of Palmers Green

where a strange, mysterious body waits ...

(Forbes-Blakeney) Wrapped up in polythene.

Hello, down there.

- You must be Steed. - That's right.

Name's Clarke, Forensic Department.

- Lady Diana Forbes-Blakeney. - How do you do?

How did he die?

In alphabetical order, he was clubbed, poisoned, shot,

spiked, stabbed, strangled and suffocated.

And his eardrums are damaged.

His neck's broken as well.

Take the next left. Should bring us pretty close to the body disposal area.

Maybe we'll get there before they find him.

- Stupid mistake. - Yes, but I blame myself entirely.

Remak did his job perfectly.

It's just possible they haven't found the watch yet.

The most baffling thing about it is that he looks so ...

- Tidy. - Yes.

The body appears to have been washed, sterilised, dry-cleaned ...

- Packaged. - Quite.

Even the bullet holes in his jacket have been invisibly mended.

Found it in his pocket.

"To Arthur Wilkington, with the respect of all his colleagues."

Well, at least we know who he was.

Well?

It's too late. They're with the body now.

Pity.

- Have they found the watch? - Yes.

I should've told Remak about the inscription.

- So now they know who Wilkington is. - Yeah.

You'd better get back to the house, make sure everything's tidy.

You'd better get over to his house, find out what he did.

Do you know what worries me?

Why would anybody kill him in so many different ways?

Practice.

Leaving a clue like this hardly makes for the perfect murder.

It maybe makes the perfect victim.

I don't know. It's all very odd, isn't it, Mr Steed?

Call me Steed, Lady Forbes-Blakeney.

- I'll call you Forbes. - Where are you going to start, Steed?

I think I'll buy me some ribbon. And if you wouldn't mind ...

All right, you already said. Check his house.

Good afternoon, sir.

I'm Freddy, packager extraordinary.

- Splendid. I'm looking for some ribbon. - Any particular colour?

- Pink. I'd like to match that. - Oh, pink. Gorgeous.

You know, I have a passion for pink myself.

- Lovely shade. - The murderer thought so too.

Murder?

Excuse me, sir.

- Excuse me, sir. - Not now, Gillers, I'm busy.

- I have a lead on Remak, sir. - Oh, good. How strong is this lead?

I've arranged to meet a contact at 4:30 who says he knows Remak.

But does he know where we can find him?

He wouldn't say. Seemed very nervous about it.

He's asked to meet in an old village mock-up

left behind by some bankrupt film company,

a place near Stourbridge.

It's worth a try, I suppose.

But be careful and check with me as soon as you get anything concrete.

Yes, sir.

- Anything? - No, nothing but final demands.

Well, perhaps he was killed by a consortium of crazed creditors.

Oh, Steed telephoned. He's got a lead. He'll pick you up at five o'clock.

Did he say what sort of ...?

What is it?

- Remak. - So Wilkington knew about Remak.

- You'd better tell Steed about this. - Right.

I hope Gillers doesn't stick his neck out too far.

- Mr Gillers? - Yes. Paxton?

- You want to know about Remak? - Where can I find him?

You'll have to go to ...

Was it Remak? Tell me, was it Remak?

Lower Storpington.

Go to the Pirate.

Lower Storpington.

Paxton?

Paxton!

So this is where the ribbon came from.

No, this is where we'll find out where it came from.

Freddy knows all there is to know about ribbons.

- Who's Freddy? - Freddy? Freddy?

Freddy! He said he'd be here at 5:00.

Is Freddy a thin, dapper little man in a frilly shirt?

- That's him. - With a pink ribbon round his neck?

No, the last time I saw him ...

... he was alive.

- Remak? - Paxton sent me.

Do you know where he is?

Interesting place, that.

It's just a factory.

You mean, that's where he is? In the factory?

Thanks.

Not a bad day, Brinstead. Looks as though Remak is doing nicely.

Not a minute wasted.

Well, here's to one good agent, a dead one.

- Gillers? - Afraid so.

- How was it done? - He was crushed to death.

Whoever did it must have had superhuman strength.

Incidentally,

notice the same ear-drum damage as with the other chap.

Death must have been instantaneous.

- Fully dry-cleaned. - Poor Gillers.

- He was following up a lead to Remak. - Look where it got him.

I suppose there's no clue as to where he's been?

He's been to the cleaners. There isn't a speck of dust on him.

He's even had a manicure.

(Phone rings)

Yes, Steed? What is it?

'Gillers in a pink ribbon.'

- Pity, he was our only lead to Remak. - Excuse me, sir.

- Do you have anything to go on? - 'Not with Gillers.'

- What do you suggest we do? - Excuse me, sir.

Not now, Calvin. Sorry, Steed.

Not at all.

I think it's worth taking another look at Wilkington's place,

seeing as how he was killed by Remak.

- Very well. - Excuse me, sir, but ...

- Calvin, I'm busy. Write it down. - Oh, yes, sir.

It might be useful checking on his neighbours,

find out where he came from, what he was up to.

- Thank you, sir. - 'Let me know if any leads come up.'

Calvin? Calvin!

Steed, send Forbes-Blakeney to Wilkington's.

You look after young Calvin. He's gone to meet Remak at ...

Here, come on.

It's all right.

(Groaning)

That's it, up there.

Easy, now. Easy, easy.

Easy.

- Paxton? - Yeah.

Remak. You came about Remak.

Yes, look, I'll get help.

Hey, no, no, no.

It's no good, it's too late.

- Who did it? - Remak.

- Is he here? - No. Look ...

- You go to ... the Pirate. - The Pirate.

- At Lower Storpington. - Storpington, yes.

- Say I sent you. - Yes.

Paxton?

You've ... done the department a fine service, old chap.

You won't be forgotten.

"You've done the department a fine service, old chap."

(Chuckles)

(Car approaching)

(Whistles a tune)

(Clears his throat)

(Brinstead) Remak?

Paxton sent me.

Where is he?

I'm afraid they got him.

Nasty business, this.

Remak, where can I find him?

- Funny sort of place, that. - Is it?

Remak is in there?

Thanks.

(Phone rings)

- Mother. - 'Hello, Mother. Steed.'

- I'm afraid I've lost Calvin. - 'Well, he hasn't checked in here yet.'

What a devil of a business.

'Any word from Forbes-Blakeney?'

No, let's hope she has more luck at Wilkington's.

'I beg your pardon?'

I said, let's hope she has more luck at Wilkington's.

(Thud)

Oh, I'm so sorry. I thought you were somebody else.

Have you gone stark raving mad?

Look, do forgive me, but what are you doing here?

Oh, I came to collect my partner's papers.

- Sir Wilkington was your partner? - Who the devil are you?

- Oh, a friend of the family. - I see.

Well, I'm Ralph Bleech.

- I gather you know about Wilky's death. - Yeah, that's why I'm here.

Do you by any chance know what work he was doing?

No, I don't. He went all mysterious about six months ago,

working on some project somewhere he wouldn't talk about.

I was hoping to find out from his papers.

Yeah, well, by the look of things we're not the only ones.

He was an electronics expert, wasn't he?

Yes, best in his field.

Automation, computer systems, that sort of thing.

- Did he say where he was working? - No, he didn't.

Though he did phone me once from a place called Lower Storpington.

- Lower Storpington. - Yes, from a pub.

- As a matter of fact ... - Yeah? Well, go on.

For a friend of the family, you're inquisitive.

No, I just hate mysteries.

Go on, you were going to say something.

It's nothing.

I must get off.

Well, I'm sorry I can't help you.

It's a tragic business.

Lower Storpington.

(Whirring)

(High pitched sound)

Thanks.

- A splendid idea, taking tea like this. - Listening to the people go by.

- Sandwich? - Mm.

From now on, no one follows any lead on Remak.

- Except for you. - Precisely.

Three agents gone and all we've got is a fake dead body and a meeting place.

(Phone rings)

Put him on. Plus Remak.

Calvin should have been ready for trouble.

Instead he gets himself killed.

Garrotted by a man with tremendous strength.

Thank you, Clarke. Send in your report.

We've got to stop it, Steed.

We've got to stop this man Remak

before he destroys our entire organisation.

I must find a new starting place.

There must be someone, someone who knows about Remak.

- To the master, Remak. - Remak.

Pity he can't come out and join us.

I don't think he'd approve of the alcohol.

It's a human weakness. He has none of those.

Indeed, he's a paragon of the virtues.

- Who are you? - Now, don't be alarmed, gentlemen.

Would you sit down, please?

I'm Ralph Bleech.

You don't know my name, but I know yours.

And Remak's too. Please.

What do you want?

Well, a drink first. You don't mind, do you?

- Nice place you have here. - What do you know about Remak?

Only that he's a killer and that he's in the building.

Good health.

I was Wilkington's partner.

After his demise, I started to check on his projects.

- And? - I garnered a few facts,

made a few assumptions and reached a conclusion.

- Such as? - That I should feel very proud

to be associated with you as an equal partner.

- You want to join us? - Yes.

Of course, there's no hurry to discuss the level of my financial participation.

- Blackmail? - Precisely.

I've always admired audacity, Mr Bleech.

But you realise there is a third partner?

- Mr Remak, you mean? - Quite.

- He'd have to be convinced. - Yes. Er, where is he?

I'll arrange for you to meet him.

Grant? Mother.

Make no contact with Remak until you check with me first.

Understood?

- Davies? Mother ... - Next one to go in is me.

- I make the next contact. - I'd like to go with you.

Agreed.

- Lawson? Mother. - 'I have a lead on Remak.'

There's one thing you must know first. The contact fakes his own death.

'I'm on my way to meet the contact at the old film set.'

No, Steed will go in first.

'Will report on my return.'

'That is all. This is a recorded message.'

'Mother? I have a lead on Remak ...'

Let's hope we get there in time.

Paxton?

(Scream)

(Groans)

Paxton?

Remak.

It's too ... too ...

- I'll get an ambulance. - No, no time.

I'm finished, old man.

You must warn Brinstead.

He knows all about Remak.

- I have to wait here for someone. - No, no, no, no.

It'll be too late then.

Warn Brinstead now.

The Pirate,

Lower ...

Storpington.

Lawson?

Lawson?

He should've been here by now.

Lawson?

Why didn't he wait?

Why can't any of them wait?

- Lawson? - With Remak's compliments.

- Where was he? - The usual place, the graveyard.

No sign of how they got there. That man's arrogance is insufferable.

It's always the same system. There must be a reason for that.

First of all the rendezvous at the old film set.

- The contact fakes his own death. - Convincing him to go somewhere else.

Into the trap, a place where Remak can process his victims,

kill, sterilise and package them.

All ready for delivery.

Lawson died with some sharp instrument that punctured his heart.

Calvin garrotted, Gillers crushed. Where's your pattern?

They were all trained agents,

yet they died instantly without any form of struggle.

They were executed.

I gave orders that no one follow up any more leads.

That's right, but he's not one of ours.

- Ralph Bleech. - The partner.

Why would he follow up a lead to Remak?

Maybe he didn't need to follow a lead.

That's right, of course.

He mentioned a place called Storpington, Lower Storpington.

The pub.

I'll be in touch. Come on.

What's Chattel doing here?

Does Mother know you're out?

Rather a hot lead on Remak.

There wasn't time to call in, but I'm sure my contact was genuine.

And died proving it, no doubt.

- How on earth did you know? - Intuition.

You just stay here until you're contacted.

Don't follow us, we'll follow you.

Two tomato juices, with everything.

- How did they find us? - We're not ready for them yet.

We can't pass Chattel on while they're around.

We'll just have to lose them, won't we?

Scotch, please.

He doesn't look the fancy frills type to me.

He was the man at Wilkington's place, the one burning the ribbon.

- Are you the man looking for Remak? - Yes, Paxton sent me.

(Steed) He disappeared efficiently.

Yes. I've got a funny feeling we've been misled.

Funny you should say that.

Shall we?

Mm, a left and a right. Nice shooting.

Wonder what he's like with grouse.

Which reminds me ...

Mm, Napoleon.

- Special reserve. - Well, we can't stay here all night.

Not with Chattel in the bar waiting for Remak.

- What are you doing? - Ancient oriental trick.

Now, if I can get his attention away from you ...

- Do you think you can surprise him? - I'll give him the shock of his life.

Great. Give me just five minutes.

Sayonara.

Chattel's not here.

(Helicopter overhead)

- Are you thinking what I'm thinking? - No better way to deliver bodies.

Especially when those bodies showed signs of being dropped.

You take the coach, I'll take the factory.

Dummies?

(Whirring)

(High-pitched pulse)

(Screeching)

(Silence)

(Whirring)

"Confirm subject's collar size,"

"15 and a half."

Steed.

How did you get in?

Agent's manual, section 3, paragraph 4. Always go in through a skylight.

There's a gun mounted in that passage on an automatic sight.

Now, how to convince Remak that I'm dead.

(Screams)

(Scream echoes)

Shall we follow?

Lovely cleaning job.

And the bullet holes have been invisibly mended.

Remak.

(Steed reads plaque out loud)

Remak a computer?

Programmed for murder.

Shall we put him out of his misery?

Let me do it.

Don't ... touch anything.

You leave him alone.

£1 million he cost me.

To mass-produce murder.

To decimate your intelligence services, Steed.

The perfect killer.

The trouble with computers is that they have no loyalty.

- They'll take orders from anybody. - What do you mean?

See for yourself.

Murderers! Killers!

Remak!

Remak, I countermand that last order.

Do you hear me? Now, listen to me.

I created you, Remak. You obey me and me only.

Do not self-destruct!

Remak!

A souvenir.

My, my!

"Weather magnificent. Miss you. Tara."

"Wish you were here. Tara."

"Having a lovely time. Tara."

- Tara, Tara ... - Tara.

- Tara! - I'm back.

- Welcome. - Thank you.

My goodness me, you look fit. Did you have a good time?

Marvellous. Lots of sun and sea and sand.

- And how are you? - Well, I survived.

Speaking of survival, I have a present for you.

Oh, you really ...

shouldn't have done.

Go on, open it.

Mm, this is ... just what I've always wanted.

- Do you really like it? - Oh, that's beautiful.

They're very difficult to come by.

- Mm. - Oh, don't open it.

Ooh.

What is it?

It's an inflatable dinghy.

This thing's bigger than both of us.

Do you think we ought to abandon ship?

- How do we deflate it? - Well, the instructions are in the box.