Original subtitles

(Clicks fingers)

(Banging on door)

(Keys clinking)

Hey, you!

That's better. Now hit me again.

Here.

(Grunts)

I think again.

(Buckets clanking)

(Pants)

I think it's an open-and-shut case.

Perfectly obvious. They bounced in.

And blasted their way out.

After they got what they wanted, there was no need for subtlety.

- What did they get? - 3,000 of these.

Oh. Just rifles.

Not just rifles. This is the FF70.

Oblique stroke 9074.

Type XXV. Mark ten.

That's what I said. Rifles.

It's got automatic sights and a fantastic range.

This makes one man the equal often.

It isn't off the secret list yet.

Well, it is now. Well off.

Do you know, we haven't had time to find out its potential?

It hasn't even been tested.

Not a single shot fired in anger.

(Gunshots)

(Squawks)

(Gunshot)

Well done, Conrad! Jolly well done!

- Dumped in. - Dredged out.

There's nothing to say who he was or where he came from.

Or what he was up to.

Say, I thought we were chasing an FF70 oblique stroke 9074 XXV Mark Ten.

- We are. - And?

He was shot with a rifle bullet.

An FF70 obli... et cetera, et cetera?

Possibly. We'll know as soon as the doctors have ...

As soon as they've done what they have to do.

You mean after the autopsy, after they've dug the bullet out.

- (Tara) Well? - It's perfectly obvious.

Ah.

It's perfectly obvious that I need a second opinion.

- Oh. - It's a rifle bullet, all right.

No doubt about that. But whether it was fired from an FF70 ...

- Et cetera, et cetera. - ... is a question Ballistics can answer.

- My job? - Your job. Tomorrow morning. First thing.

- And tonight? - Nsonga.

Bless you.

- I meant Colonel Nsonga. - Hm.

Colonel ... Martin Nsonga.

He's a leading light of one of those newly independent countries.

- So? - Arrived this morning. Mission unknown.

We've met before. Ooh, I know him very well.

- And? - Nsonga's ambitious.

He wants to become president of his country.

He'd like to take it over. Make it a dictatorship.

- But ... - He hasn't the means.

Oh, he has the men, but no arms.

No rifles.

How many rifles?

Oh, I think 3,000 FF70s would do him fine.

It's too much of a coincidence. The rifles are stolen.

And Nsonga arrives on the scene the next day.

I think I'll pay a call on Colonel Nsonga.

- Uninvited? - Undetected.

(Adriana) I'm glad you're coming in the autumn. I think it's the loveliest season.

There are a lot of good weapons on the free market.

All either second-hand or obsolete.

Do you think we might have a window open?

- I find town so stifling. - Certainly.

Giles, would you open the window, please?

What is your best, Lady Beardsley?

- Something to stop a man at 700 yards. - A modern rifle?

So modern it has not yet been issued.

The FF70?

- I've said too much. - How many have you got?

- I've said too much. - Oh, please!

- How many, Conrad? - 3,000.

What are you asking?

- Oh, that's not settled yet. - I'll give you a good price.

You need them badly, Colonel Nsonga. I know.

Your relationship with your president is far from good. Now I really must go.

- Let me see you downstairs. - How kind, Colonel?

Sixth, please.

Sorry, sir, the entire floor is closed

to all but ... Colonel Nsonga's personal staff.

You'll keep the lift out of action for a few minutes?

As long as I can, sir.

(Door buzzer sounds)

It's the seventh floor, man!

Oh, my apologies, sir.

The sixth, sir.

(Lift door shuts)

(Gunshots)

Hurry it up, Spencer. Spencer!

Hm? Ah, my dear Crayford, forgive me. I cannot abide loud sharp noises.

- You were saying? - I said can't you hurry it up?

Patience, my dear fellow. I have to examine every inch of this object.

Preliminary report on the rifle. That's all the Ministry wants.

You can do the whole works later on. I have to get back to the Ordnance Depot.

Patience. Patience.

No.

Professor Spencer?

- Ah. - My name's Tara King.

I believe Mr Steed said you'd be expecting me.

Oh, yes, indeed.

It was a question of ballistically calibrating a projected missile.

- Identifying a bullet. - Oh, yes. There it is.

Right.

A LV5.0 ...

(Mutters)

- A rifle. - What?

- A rifle. - A FF70?

Oh, then we're in luck. I've ... I've got one somewhere.

It's ...

FF70.

Oh, this is Mr Crayford. Miss, erm ...

- King. - That's it.

- Er, good morning. - Professor ...

Just such a weapon. Mr Crayford's from Ordnance.

Do you mind if I use your phone? I'm going to be delayed.

Help yourself, my dear fellow.

Now, Miss King, we better confirm your guesswork, eh?

Might as well shoot off a few more bullets and do some comparison tests.

- Er, may I? - Sure. By all means.

Here ... Hold on, please.

Hello? It's Crayford here. Yes, I'm ... I'm still at Ballistics.

I've been delayed.

There's trouble. There's a girl snooping around.

Name's King. She's checking a bullet fired from a FF70. Mm.

Yes ... You'll deal with the problem?

Right then.

- Identical. - Huh?

Identical. They're both FF70 bullets.

Perhaps.

Gentlemen prefer blondes. They're an easier target.

Well, it's passed all 52 tests positive.

I think one can safely hazard that this was fired from a FF70.

- "Safely hazard"? - Well, one mustn't commit oneself.

- Official procedure. - Yes, precisely.

Well, thank you Professor Spencer for the ... safe hazard.

(Spencer chuckles)

Bye-bye.

(Gun clicks)

(Tyres screeching)

(Engine revs)

(Tyres screeching)

You had to endure 52 approved tests?

After I left Ballistics someone attacked me. They tried to get the bullet back.

But tenaciously you held on through thick and thin.

Judiciously. I ran.

(Steed chuckles)

How's your friend Colonel Nsonga?

He is NOT my friend.

We didn't actually meet.

I opened his safe of course,

and in it I found £200,000.

Just tucked away for a few trifles he might need.

Trifles like FF70 rifles?

Hm. He was also having a new uniform made

denoting the rank of Army Commander.

With the sky-blue and leopard-skin sash.

But that's the President's personal insignia.

He's aiming, Mr Nsonga, obviously to promote himself to President again.

Again?

Oh, yes. He's tried it once before, but on that occasion I managed to get in his way.

Hm, it looks like history is about to repeat itself.

Ah, I hope so. You take a closer look at the Ordnance factory.

I'll go and have a chat with Colonel Nsonga.

Bye.

(♪ African tribal music)

(Door closes)

I see you're playing our tune.

We meet again, Colonel.

I'm going to the country for a day or so.

- But I'm glad you've changed your mind. - Have I?

- Aren't you here to show me the sights? - Not exactly, General.

"General"? My rank is not that exalted.

Ah, I'm anticipating events, Colonel.

Congratulations would be a little out of order at this stage.

Out with it, old friend. We've always been frank with one another.

- Invariably. - So please speak your mind.

My tailor would have a fit if I asked him to make a sky-blue sash

with leopard trimming.

Oh, come, old chap, you can tell me.

Are you short of a little ready change? Or maybe you're between jobs?

I've just taken a job. Came to tell you about it.

What job is it?

- A sort of buying agent. - Buying what?

Same as you. Guns, Colonel. But for the President.

He's a little worried about the coup d'etat season creeping up on him.

As I had the honour to help him get the Presidency ...

Oh, that was where we met, you and I, for the first time.

... I volunteered to get anything I could for him.

I didn't know you were still in touch with the President.

Never missed a Christmas card yet.

I won't keep you if you're going to the country.

It's too risky, Conrad. I don't like it.

I mean, in broad daylight!

We need more ammunition, Crayford. We can't sell guns without ammo.

Yes, but to walk in here with forged passes.

Which you checked personally.

Well, that's it. They'll suspect me.

So? You made a mistake. They'll accept it.

Huh! They'll have to.

But in ... in broad daylight?

Well, it's broad daylight robbery.

But the risk!

That's why we pay you so high, Crayford. For the risk.

That may be, but if ...

(Inaudible speech)

It's that girl again and she's got a security red pass. Know what that means?

No doors are locked to her. She can go anywhere. Check anyone.

And you ... you were supposed to have dealt with her!

And so we will.

(Grunts)

You failed again. A woman. A lone girl!

Truck loaded up?

- Let's get out before the alarm goes. - What about me?

You've got to make it good like last time. A violent attack.

(Alarm blares)

Drop me at my car.

- What for? - I want the girl.

Tell Adriana I may be a bit late.

(Singing)

(Continues to sing)

(Thud)

Steed? Steed?

I'll be right behind you.

Miss King?

Miss King?

I like it, Lady Beardsley.

Lightweight ammunition. Fast firing.

Telescopically sighted. High-muzzle velocity.

The FF70 has been designed for the conditions in your country.

I'll buy all 3,000.

Not yet, Colonel. Not before the auction.

Auction?

I always think they are so fair.

There are other buyers?

Think of the situation in certain areas, Colonel. Of course there are other buyers.

How many?

More than enough to preserve a spirit of competition.

However, Colonel, I can say that I look most favourably

on your offer to take the entire consignment.

- Good. - Unless someone makes the same offer.

You're in touch with John Steed.

Am I?

John Steed appointed himself buying agent for my president.

I haven't met this Mr Steed yet.

There's no point. You know, our government is bankrupt.

No doubt your president thinks our rifles are worth a special effort.

I'll see you at the auction at three o'clock then.

Till three then.

Contact this Steed.

We could always do with another customer. Get him here this afternoon.

- (Operator) 'Answering service.' - Ah, John Steed here.

Has a Miss Tara King left a message for me?

'No, sir. The only call has been from a gentleman.'

'He didn't leave a name, but he was most anxious you should see Lady Beardsley.'

Is that all he said?

'Just that you should be prepared to bid high.'

I see. Thank you.

Most ungentlemanly behaviour by Steed.

Taking a commission to buy arms for the President.

It's not sporting, Giles.

If both sides have arms, it's not a coup d'état, it's a war.

Particularly unfortunate since I am so fond of Steed.

My name's Steed. I'm here for the garden party.

- A gentleman telephoned inviting me. - You will be representing the President?

Oh, so he mentioned me? That's very sporting of him.

Nevertheless, Mr Steed, I'd like to see your credentials.

Certainly.

- Satisfactory? - Eminently, Mr Steed.

- I am Lady Adriana Beardsley. - How do you do?

Park your car round the back. Then join the others.

- Delighted. - Tea on the terrace in ten minutes.

(Gunshot)

I'm very obliged to you.

Standard mark seven. 7.65 mm. 1616 silencer. No stopping power.

Adriana believes in the spirit of competition.

Well, that's very enlightened of her.

(Indistinct chatter)

Colonel, pleased to see you could make it.

Standard mark seven. 7.65 mm. 1616 silencer.

No stopping power.

Steed, as an old friend, join with me.

The President wouldn't like it.

If we outbid the others, I'll be president in a week.

What do I get?

A judgeship.

A Minister of Information can be very lucrative.

Yes, I've heard that. Er, no, I don't think so.

Loyalty amongst other virtues

was something they impressed upon me at Eton.

I won't waste your valuable time on sales talk about our new rifle, gentleman.

It speaks for itself.

However, we do display them for you.

Like the man who sells vacuum cleaners shows them at work cleaning carpets.

We sell weapons and there is only one way to display them.

The infantryman often functions under conditions

quite unlike those found on a rifle range.

He is often hot, near exhaustion when the time comes to kill.

And so, gentleman, our first of several displays.

The FF70 in use ... under stress.

Now, the first two contestants, please.

As you will see, the gun bearers will place the rifles

the same distance from the contestants.

I will give the command by ringing this little bell.

On your marks.

Get set.

(Gunshot)

Getting recruits must be quite tricky.

These men, they're mercenaries.

Volunteers?

They do a short-term contract,

and if they get away with it, naturally they all believe they will,

they can retire with a packet of money.

Except Conrad, of course.

Oh, he does it because he likes it.

Between you and me, I think Conrad is just a little bit ...

Just Conrad?

Oh, Lady Beardsley spoils him.

Gentleman, the set piece of the afternoon.

My chief demonstrator, my brother, and a guest contestant.

Your forces, gentleman, have often to rely on manpower,

which is, with respect, not always in the highest state of training.

We will therefore try to demonstrate the versatility of this weapon.

By a happy accident, my brother and I

are now able to show you that given some training,

the FF70 can be easily handled by a woman,

if, that is, her reflexes are as good as a man's.

Miss King, as you will see, the gun bearers

will place the rifles the same distance from the contestants.

I will give the command by ringing this little bell.

On your marks, get set ...

Call it off.

Call it off, Mr Steed?

I've seen enough. Name your price.

There are other bidders, Lady Beardsley.

What should I do?

You see, Mr Steed, the Colonel wants it to go on.

But I like to please all my customers.

I know! We'll have the auction now.

- And whoever bids the highest ... - Gets the rifles.

And the demonstration. If he wants it.

Will you fetch Miss King?

Gentlemen, if you'd join me in the drawing room.

Down to business, gentlemen.

You've seen the weapon demonstrated on the ground,

noted its lethal capacity and been impressed by its versatility.

On offer today, gentlemen, is Miss King

and 3,000 brand-new FF70 rifles.

Enough I may say to guarantee success to the most ill-organised coup d'état.

(Door opens)

Gentlemen, shall we begin?

- I'll start at the reserve price. - Thank you.

Mr Steed bids £70,000 cash.

£100,000.

Any advance on £100,000?

£101,000.

- £120,000. - £150,000.

- £180,000. - £190,000.

£200,000.

£250,000.

£250,000 I'm bid.

Will anyone make it £260,000?

The goods are mine I think.

Not quite, Mr Steed.

Colonel Nsonga lodged a deposit with me some months ago.

A deposit?

Oh, why didn't you ask me for one?

Rather pointless, Mr Steed, considering you only arrived this afternoon.

And you do represent a Head of State.

- How much did the Colonel give you? - £50,000.

So I have two bids of exactly £250,000. Will anyone make it £260,000?

£250,000.

10, 20, 30, 40, 50.

One, two, three.

(Chuckles)

Five, ten, 15, 20 ...

One, two, three, four.

53 against 24?

Grandfather's gold watch.

£75 worth if it's a penny.

A gift from the President.

Gentlemen, gentlemen, please. You know the custom of the house.

Cash only.

Now for the second time of asking.

Going ... going ... gone.

Bad luck, Mr Steed.

- (Nsonga) What about her? - Ah, yes, Colonel.

What about, Miss King?

Let the demonstration continue.

Cheer up, Mr Steed. At least it's not you.

(Chuckles) Your brother's a good marksman?

Oh, the finest in the world.

The creature has yet to be born that he cannot kill with a single bullet.

He prides himself on it.

On your marks.

Get set.

Kill her!

(Gunshots)

(Volley of gunshots)

(Branch snaps)

Steed?

Steed?

(Door closes)

I'm taking no chances this time.

I'll be back ... soon.

(Footsteps approaching)

Go and tell Adriana I've got the girl. She's locked up in the armoury.

Never make it.

During training, the record for opening handcuffs was ... 32 seconds.

Well, you'll have to break it.

You'll despatch the guns to me.

That will be attended to tonight.

Excellent.

Oh!

Just think ... one month from now ...

... I shall be President.

I shall control the army. I shall ...

(Explosion)

(Bullets firing)

(Explosion)

(Sighs) That's blown a fuse.

(Chuckles) With a vengeance.

(Door slams shut)

- Has it arrived yet? - Not yet.

But it IS coming today?

Today. A gift from the President himself to be despatched to me.

- Us. - Us.

Immediately. It should be here any minute.

"A gift to eternally remind you of our country from our country."

What do you think it could be?

Well, there are an awful lot of gold mines out there. I thought a clock.

Solid gold and beautifully encrusted with emeralds, sapphires and trifles like that.

A clock?

Hm, we ... we can't share a clock, can we?

We both need to tell the time.

I was rather hoping it would be a large chest of scrunchy uncut diamonds.

We'll have to wait and see.

(Doorbell rings)

- Oh, I'll go. - No, no, no. I'll go.

"From our country of our country"?

(Growling)