All language subtitles for Roseanne S09E23 Into That Good Night (1) - fiveofseven

♪♪ [harmonica]

Could use
a little more work,

but I think Darlene, David,
and the baby

will be comfortable here
for a month or two

or whenever they decide
to go back to Chicago.

Yeah. What could Chicago
possible have to offer them

besides culture and excitement?

Let's see, we need some
room-darkening shades,

some of them
outlet-cover thingies,

and we can baby-proof
the room later.

Yeah, and at some point,
we're gonna have to repaint.

Well, I don't know, honey.

The paint's holding up
pretty well.

Well, of course it is.

There's nothing
more durable than lead.

That ain't lead paint.

They haven't made
lead paint in 20 years.

Replace lead paint.

Don't forget
the baby monitor.

What are you
talking about?

David and Darlene
will be sleeping
right next to the crib.

It's not for them,
it's for me.

If that baby cries,
I want to hear it.

And if Darlene and David
just happen to be
talking about us,

well, then
I'll turn it down.

Or not.

Sly puss.

You're not thinking
it's totally cool

that our granddaughter's
gonna be living in this room?

Yeah. Well, all our kids
pass through here
at some point.

It's like our own
personal Ellis Island.

What are you doing
in my room?

You handle this, Dan.

Actually, D.J.,
your niece

is coming home from
the hospital next week,

and, uh, David,
Darlene--

Oh, God, you're shipping me
to the basement, aren't you?

Oh, come on!
A basement isn't that bad.

It's pretty nice.
It's...

It's warm.
You got your own furnace.

Yeah, my own spiderwebs,
my own asbestos.

That's right.
Spiderwebs? No flies.

Asbestos? No fires.
Case closed.

But, Mom, you were gonna
turn the basement back
into your writing room.

Well, we all have
to make sacrifices,
and that's mine.

Besides, D.J.,

the basement is a perfect
environment for a growing
lad such as yourself.

Yeah. Have you ever heard
In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida
played down there?

It's awesome.

Plus you got them
ground-floor windows.

You can sneak out
whenever you want.

Yeah? Well, how am I
gonna do that

when I'm gasping for air
and covered in spider bites?

Ask David.
He did it for years.

♪ If what doesn't kill us
is makin' us stronger ♪

♪ We're gonna last longer ♪

♪ Than the greatest wall
in China ♪

♪ Or that rabbit
with a drum ♪

♪ If there's one thing
that I've learned ♪

♪ While waiting for my turn ♪

♪ It's that in each life
some rain falls ♪

♪ But you also get some sun ♪

♪ And we'll make out
better than okay ♪

♪ Hear what I say ♪

♪ Yeah, any day ♪

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Whoo!

I can't believe the baby's
really coming home today.

I thought she'd never
make it out of the shop.

I am so excited, too.

And the best part is
that this time

I'm not recovering
from the birth.

You know, we got a lot
to be thankful for, babe.

Hey, what's this?

Oh, that's
one of those deals

where it sounds like
the mom's heartbeat.

Whoa. So that's what
a healthy heart sounds like.

Oh, hey, did D.J.
get all his stuff moved
down to the basement?

Yeah, he did.
Good.

Now I can
volunteer to help him.

Hey, Dan, do you think
that, uh,

my asking Darlene and David
to move in here

was the right thing
to do?

Well, isn't that
what you want?
Yeah.

Well, that used to be
the right thing to do.

Did something
change around here?

No, I was just wondering if
maybe I'm being a little
selfish, you know?

Maybe if I'm doing this
more for me than for them.

You probably are, but...

it's still
a nice thing to do.

What if they don't want
to move in here?

Honey, why are so
worried about this?

Figure it out, Dan.

If they don't like
the accommodations, okay,
they check out early,

and they'll probably
try to sneak that baby
out of here with 'em.

Honey, that's what kids do.
They leave the nest.

Now, you should be proud.

We've raised some independent,
free-spirited individuals.

What the hell
were we thinking?

Everything's gonna be okay.

Oh. I gotta go.

Gotta pick everybody up
from the hospital.

Our granddaughter
will be coming home shortly.

Wow.
That sounds so great.

Say it again, Dan,
louder.

Roseanne and Dan's
granddaughter

is coming home today.

Let's get ready to rumble!

Sassy. Spin around
and let me check out
that caboose.

[making ape noises]

All right, that's it,
Roseanne.

Four bottles of pine cleanser
and two cans of Lemon Pledge.

[imitating Zelda Rubinstein]
This house is clean.

Okay, I got the bathroom
clean as a whistle.

That sandpaper and bleach
goes a long way.

Hey, good job.

Now get on the phone
and tell everybody

that we're having
a homecoming party
for the baby

and they gotta get here
before the house
gets dirty again.

Hey, and if you're gonna
wear that thing on your head,
make me some pancakes.

Can you believe it,
Roseanne?

We're bringing
another baby home.

This is a lucky house.

It adapts well
to new life.

I can't imagine this family
living anywhere else.

Yeah. Lottery or no,
I could never get rid
of this house.

Okay, Mark is asking
if you want him to
score a keg.

Um, no, that's okay.

I think I'll just
fire up the Harley

and take the baby out on
her first beer run myself.

Ladies and gentlemen,
it is my pleasure

to introduce
Miss Harris Conner Healy.

So, what do you think
of the joint?

What's not to like?

At least she's not under
that grow bulb anymore.

Sweetie, this is
your new house.

Look at those eyes.
I think she likes it here.

Of course she does.

This is where all
the Conners belong.

It smells like...
pine forest.

Next to a...lemon grove.

Over a landfill.

Yeah. And then
I was thinking

this rocking chair here
should be right in front
of the window

so you can sit there,
feed the baby,

and then look out
and yell at
the neighbor kids

to stay off your lawn.

Well, Mom, I don't want
to turn into you all at once.

Take a big fat look
in the mirror, Darlene.

You lost.

Okay. Well, uh...
you know, if you guys
don't need me,

I'll go get the rest
of the stuff out of the car.

Right. I'm gone.

Oh, I can't wait
to see the baby

in these cute
little outfits.

Is this all
the T-shirts you've got?

Uh, I think so.
Why? Does she need more?

Yeah. I mean,
when you were her age,

I had at least
twice this many.

Of course, some of them
were your Dad's old socks.

I'm really glad
you're here, Darlene.

I am, too.

Good.
'Cause...you know,

I don't want you
to be here unless
you wanna be here.

Oh, yeah. And I wouldn't
be here unless
I wanted to be here...

and, of course,
you wanted me to be here.

Oh, yeah. Definitely
I want you to be here.

For now.

Right.
Yeah, for now.

Yeah. Now's great.
I mean...

'cause now could be
an hour or...you know...

Or more.

Yeah. Whatever.

I mean, you have to do
what makes you happy.

You can't worry about
hurting my feelings.

Well, I never worry about
hurting your feelings.

I just want to stick around
for a little while

so I can learn
some stuff from you.

Oh, Darlene, you already
know a lot of stuff.

You changed D.J.'s
diaper once.

Don't remind me.

See, you're lucky
you got a girl.

Their aim isn't
nearly as good.

You know, I mean,
it's not the little things,

like how often do I feed her?
When do I change her?

Stuff like that.

It's the big things,
you know?

I mean, like...

God, how do I help her
become a good person?

You just have her
watch a lot of
public television,

and the rest
takes care of itself.

You don't have to know
everything all at once,
Darlene.

I sure didn't.

You didn't?
No.

I mean, I was your age
when I had Becky,

and I didn't even know
half of what you know now.

Oh, so that's why
you kept her, right?

I did what I had to do
to make sure my kids
got what they needed,

and you'll do the same.

You really think so?
Of course.

I'll give you
a great example.

Remember that time
when I had to go down
to your school

to talk to your teacher
because you'd been
barking in class?

Vaguely.

Well, see, I'd never
been in a situation
like that before,

and I didn't really
know what to do.

But then,
all of a sudden,

my mother instincts
kicked in,

and I did the exact
right thing.

What'd you do?

Oh, good. You're still
repressing that memory
of obedience school.

Come on, Mom.

Look, Darlene, everything's
gonna be okay, you know?

I mean, the hard part
doesn't even come
till later

when you look at your
kid and realize

it's not just your baby,
it's a real human being,

and she's gonna do things
the way she wants to do 'em.

Hmm.
But...

that's also the best part.

You really think so?

No, not really.

Actually, the best part

is when you can mold
their tender little egos

to fit your every whim.

God.

I can't believe I barked.

Oh, honey,
we all barked.

Hey, what's this?
Some new religious thing?

A little help here!

I think
I snapped my pelvis.

Thanks.

It's not so bad
down here, you know?

Just remember,

they're not cockroaches,
they're water beetles.

Okay.

Well, you know, I kinda
feel bad about moving you
down here to the basement,

but the only thing
I can say to you

is the same thing I said
to Becky and then to Darlene.

We love the new baby
more than you.

It's okay. I'm kinda
fond of her myself.

You know, but down here,
I can have more than
just a bedroom.

I can have, like,
a whole studio.

Okay, over here,

I'm gonna put, like,
my editing bay.

You know what
that is, right?

Where you edit?

Right.

Okay, now, I'll put
my computer over here,

and that'll be, like,
my pre-production area.

All I need is,
like, a corkboard,

a couple of pushpins.

Then, of course,
a project.

Oh, yeah. I'm gonna leave
this space over here blank.

It's gonna be, like,
my home theater system.

[chuckles]
Pass that along to Santa.

Santa, huh?

Well, there's another
little talk we need to have.

I'm really proud of you, son.

Mom.
No.

I know. I've said this
all before, haven't I?

Mm-hmm.
Well...

This is a different
kind of proud, though.

It's not like the same
kind of proud I was

when you took
your first steps...

or when you got
your first C in math.

It's more of a grownup
kind of a proud, you know?

It's like you have
a little boy,

and you watch him
eat all his crayons,

and he's biting people
and stuff,

and you wonder what
kind of a guy he's
gonna grow up to be.

And then one day,
he does something very classy,

and you realize that
some woman is gonna owe you

a great big
thank-you note

for raising such
a wonderful son.

Wow! A woman!

Did you hear any of that
other stuff I said?

Yeah!

You know, this was gonna
be your writing room.

I can teach you
how to use my computer.

[Roseanne]
My own dungeon!

It's an office!

So you can write!

Oh! My own office!
Do you like it?

It's my own office!

This is so you don't
bother us when you write.

Oh, it's just great!
It's fantastic!

Yeah, I put all these shelves
in here for, uh--

your, uh-- you know,
the stuff you write.

Manuscripts.
Manuscripts.

Man, I can't believe
that you remember

when this was gonna be
my writing room.

It was, like, one of
your greatest birthdays.

Yep.

We got some shoesies!

And a cute little hat.

And a...

some kind of damn little
girlie thing.

And-- Ho! This!

The last dress
Darlene ever wore.

Yeah. See?

It's fun poking through
old stuff, ain't it?

Well, we haven't had
much fun around here
in a while.

Yeah, these are
good times.
Mm-hmm.

I guess we deserve some.

It has been
a very weird year.

Yeah, well...

Uh, I think that Roseanne
is really glad to have you
back in the house, Dan.

I was sitting in that
motel by the airport,

and I finally realized
the whole California
thing was so stupid.

I belong here.

I'm glad to hear you
say that.

And I think Roseanne is
glad to be home, too.

You know,
the...

time we spent running
around on trains
and going to spas

and hobnobbing
in the Hamptons,

it just didn't
work for us.

I mean,
don't get me wrong.
It was fun...

Well, not for me.

Okay.

It's time for the dumping
of the nipples.

Wow. It looks like
a naked synchronized swim team.

Hey, hey!
We got the pizzas!

Man, look at
all this stuff!

Oh.

Darlene used to tie up
D.J. with these ones.

Yeah?

I used to string up David
with my mom's nylons.

Very resourceful, Mark.

You know, I, uh,
do what I can.

God, I think it is
so great that Mom
saved all this stuff.

I wonder if she saved
any stuff for you.

Mom!

Maybe you were
right, Dan.

It is kinda cool
saving stuff like this.

Yoo-hoo! I'm here!
Haul out the holly!

[sighs]
Then again there is
something to be said

for throwing out
the old.

Did you get
a Border-to-Border?

What on earth
is that?

Canadian bacon
and jalapeño peppers.

What's the matter?
Don't you know your
international cuisine?

One Border-to-Border
right here.

Who wants a soda?

I do.
Me, me.

Ugh! Anchovies.

Oh! Wait!
I'll take that one.

I just...
feel like anchovies.

Look, everyone,
discovery.

If you fold your pizza over,
you can make your own calzone.

Olé!

The baby woke up when
she smelled the pizza.

It's official.
She's a real Conner.

This is just the best.

Yeah.

I really like the way
the place's cheese
grips the crust, you know?

And if you've ever had
scalding hot cheese in your lap,

you'd appreciate
what I'm talking about.

Um, no, honey,
I wasn't talking
about the pizza.

I was talking about,
you know, all of us
being together like this.

You know, just
being here together.

Yeah, I like that.

Hey, um...

what about somebody
saying grace?

Grace?
We never say grace?

I know, but isn't it
about time to start?

I mean, we owe God
in a big way.

Yeah. I must have said
a thousand prayers

on every corner
of that hospital.

Well, you know,
everybody prays when
stuff's, like, in crisis.

But how many people
really pray when
stuff's going good?

I do.

Nobody say anything
bad about her.

Okay. What do we do?

Do we hold hands
or something?

No. I just think
the important thing is

that, you know,
we need to stop praying
in dark corners and hiding.

We should start praying
in the way we fight:

out loud and in public
where everybody can hear it.

Okay, I'll go.
All right.

[sighs, clears throat]

Dear God. Uh...

we thank You
for everything--

not just for the pizza
which we are about to receive,

although we do love pizza
as You well know.

Um...

I don't know if I can
really find the words

to express how grateful
I am, um...

to just have the family
here, all together,

and everybody
being healthy and...

[sighs]

That's more important
than winning the lottery
a hundred times.

But I think most of all,

we would like to thank You
for answering our prayers

and letting Darlene
and David's little girl

beat all the odds...

just like us Conners
always do.

Amen.

Amen.
Amen.

That was really nice,
honey.

Thank you.
Well, you know...

words are,
like, my thing.

I put the baby down
in Mom and Dad's bed.

Are you sure she won't
roll over the edge?

David, she's surrounded
by pillows.

Besides, she's in that
huge divot in the middle.

Hey.
Hmm?

You okay with all this?

With what?

You know, staying here
with my parents for a while.

Are you kidding?
I love it here.

It's...
It's never dull.

Well, cool.
'Cause I just feel safe being
near my mom right now,

at least until the baby's
bigger and stronger.

Well, people who own this
house do tend to get
bigger, don't they?

And you know, I think
it'll be really great
for my dad, too.

He acts, like,
20 years younger when
he's around the baby.

It's gotta be
good for him

after the heart attack
and everything, right?

Yeah. Yeah, it's great.

You know what this is?
It's really tribal.

Tribal?

Note to myself:

I alone will teach
the baby new words.

No, I just mean
that Harris will get

to start off her life
in a real extended family.

I never thought
about it like that.

Darlene,
it's gonna be so great.

I mean, it's very natural.

It's like,
throughout history,

that's how
every child grew up.

There wasn't day care
or babysitters.

It was just the family.

It's perfect.

We should tell your parents
how grateful we really are.

I'll do it.
You tend to gush.

Besides, I'm not sure
they're crazy

about this whole idea
in the first place.

What are you talking about?

They love having us here,
don't they?

I mean,
I thought they did,

but then I talked
to my mom,

and I got this
weird feeling

that they don't want us
around here for too long.

Maybe they just meant you.

No, David.

It's just my mom,
you know?

She's usually, like,
so direct about everything.

Or haven't you noticed?

No, I noticed.

Well, so I just think
if she wanted us to stay

for an extended
period of time,

she would have said
stay for an extended
period of time.

Of course she would have
used shorter words.

So what does this mean?

It means, I think,
that we should

get out of here
as soon as we can.

[baby cries]

I should go put
the baby upstairs.

Closed-Captioned By
J.R. Media Services, Inc.
Burbank, CA