Original subtitles

[inhales] [door opens]

What the-- [laughs]

What are you-- It smells like a Catholic church in here.

What are you doing?

Meditating.

This might sound really Western of me, but why?

I'll call. You're looking at the books that Nancy left you.

The Once and Future Goddess.

Yeah. 'Cause see, this is about

if I want to transform myself,

I have to totally reconnect with my own inner goddess.

Mm.

Your inner goddess.

Hinduism: The Art of Living.

Well, see, yeah. That's about how action sculptures your life.

In other words, you can't just sit there on your butt

if you want your life to turn into anything.

Oh, well, who would have thought that common sense

would have been so ancient?

Yeah. In the Kabbalah, it says that, uh,

only 1% of us is physical,

while 99% of us is spiritual.

Oh. So there's math involved.

No, Jackie. Come here. Sit down.

I'll show you how to do it.

It's just like-- Okay.

You sit down, you kind of relax, you know.

Open up your palms and everything.

And you just kind of let all your worries and everything go.

You know, you just kind of try to open yourself up

so that you feel free, you know.

And then try to take in just a feeling of calm,

of kind of personal power, you know?

Mm-hmm.

Concentrating on this great feeling

of inner peace. Mm.

Um, before I forget, I ran into Dan at the gas station.

He said he was gonna drop by and pick up Jerry.

That bastard!

Without even calling first?

Am I just supposed to sit here on my butt

all my life waiting for him?

Roseanne, calm down.

I will certainly not calm down. He can just go [bleep] himself.

I don't give a good [bleep].

♪ If what doesn't kill us is makin' us stronger ♪

♪ We're gonna last longer ♪

♪ Than the greatest wall in China ♪

♪ Or that rabbit with a drum ♪

♪ If there's one thing that I've learned ♪

♪ While waiting for my turn ♪

♪ It's that in each life some rain falls ♪

♪ But you also get some sun ♪

♪ And we'll make out better than okay ♪

♪ Hear what I say ♪

♪ Yeah, any day ♪

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

[knocking]

Uh-oh.

Hey. Hi.

Is Roseanne around? No.

David's still in Chicago, so she drove Darlene

to see the doctor, 'cause she wasn't feeling well.

Everything okay? Oh, yeah.

No, it's just indigestion or something.

Roseanne knew I was coming to pick up Jerry, right?

Actually, I think that's the reason

why she volunteered to drive Darlene.

I can understand that.

I'm not too crazy about me these days, either.

Well, come on in. He's all ready.

Hey, buddy! Hi! Hi!

You want a soda or something?

Yeah, thanks.

So how's it feel to be a captain of industry?

What?

No, I heard about how you guys

bailed out the Wellman plant.

Oh, I know. Can you believe that?

The two women voted "Most Likely to Burn the Factory Down"

end up saving it.

So is that why Roseanne's been seen around town with Edgar Wellman?

Where'd you hear that?

Lanford's not exactly a sprawling metropolis, Jackie.

There's only two places to go at night,

and I was in the one place where they were all talking about it.

Well, they been, uh, spending some time together,

if that's what you mean.

Do you want ice in this?

What does that mean, spending time together?

What are you gonna do with Jerry this afternoon?

Why are you answering my questions with questions?

Am I? Yeah, you are. Now what's goin' on?

With what? Come on, Jackie.

I need to know about this.

Is there something going on between Roseanne and this Wellman guy?

Dan, Edgar is really an attractive man.

He's very charming, he comes from a wealthy family--

not that they have Conner money--

Jackie, talk to me.

Does she have feelings for this guy?

I don't know.

But he sure as hell has feelings for her.

[doorbell rings]

I'll get it. Soon as I finish paring my apple.

Hi.

Hi.

[sigh]

Hi!

[knocking]

Now look, Roseanne, we're better than this.

I love you, you love me, you know that.

Now, it's been 25 years

before we even had one doubt about this relationship.

I think that's pretty good, don't you?

Yeah. Yeah, well.

Then we should work on it, you know? Talk about it.

Darlene?

Me and your dad are in the middle of something important here.

You mind?

Well, I'm in the middle of participating in the miraculous creation

of a complex human being.

Bedroom?

Kitchen.

Hey, Dad! Hey, son. How are you doing?

Good, and what are you doing here?

I just came to talk with your mom.

Could we have a minute?

Yeah. I just gotta finish filming

the last ten seconds of this claymation movie.

Should only take a couple of hours.

Take your time.

[clearing throat] Darlene.

No. Please.

Please. No.

Hi. Hi. Hi.

Hi.

No, now I'm reflecting on all the mistakes you guys made

so I can break the cycle.

Too late. You're 20, you're married, and you're pregnant.

You're me. Porch?

Hi. Hi. Hi.

[shivering] Well, this ought to keep us awake.

Yeah. Every one of my pores just slammed shut.

You know what this old porch needs is a swing.

This would be an okay conversation to have in say, July?

Look, uh...

about what happened in California--

Yeah, hit me with it, Dan. I'm numb from the cold.

Oh, I was stupid.

I was incredibly, incredibly stupid.

Don't forget thoughtless, insensitive,

and self-absorbed.

Well, in matter, there's kind of a blanket stupid.

You know, what could I say? She was there.

She listened to me, and I fell for it.

You could have called me, Dan. I know.

Every time you did call, all's you did was talk about the weather.

Yeah, I know. It's weird out there.

It's really hot all the time. They got these el Niños,

and then they got the Santa Anna winds,

and they-- I don't know if they're the same thing or not--

but it makes it hot, and it's really uncomfortable,

and then-- Is this the kind of thing that she listened to?

Well, yeah.

Rose, I came--

I mean, I was this close

to making the biggest mistake of my life.

Yeah, you were, Dan.

I know. I'm sorry I hurt you.

'Bout killed me.

I know. I'm sorry for it,

and I'd love to make up for it, I mean--

I'll do whatever you say. You just name it.

Good. Because I got a whole Top 100 list

I've been working on for a few weeks.

Yeah, well, uh, maybe if I, uh...

kinda start like this.

I hope you're not just hugging me to keep warm.

No. But now that you mention it, you want to go back in?

No, it's too crowded in there.

[gasp] Oh, I got an idea!

What do you say we take a ride up to Lanford Leap?

Hmm!

I'll bet the view's incredible up there,

and that new car's got heated seats.

It's got heated seats?

Thank God! I thought I was going through the change.

Wow. Whoa.

So this is what's become of Lanford Leap.

I guess it's not a makeout spot

once they turn it into a subdivision.

Yeah. Remember right over there?

Man, if that guy's carport could talk.

Yeah. I don't know if I'd want to build my living room

over a bunch of old beer cans and prophylactics.

Hey, Dan. Remember how we used to come up here

and talk about the future?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I was gonna be an All-Pro defensive lineman

for the Chicago Bears.

And I was gonna change the world

with my Pulitzer Prize-winning essays.

Gee, I wonder if old Edgar Wellman ever came up here.

Oh, probably not.

His old man probably built him his own private makeout spot.

All right. So what have you heard?

Oh, nothing, nothing. Just--

words like dashing, suave...

thin. [chuckles]

Silver-maned Adonis squiring my wife about town.

Well, if I had got squired, I think I would have known it.

You know, we did a business deal, and that's it.

Anything else is just a big rumor.

You know, we talked about how to structure the buyout

and these pension things, and these tax deals--

and the word debenture kept coming up.

This is the kind of thing he had to listen to?

See, that's why nothing developed,

because he expected me to listen to him.

So you're...available?

Squire away.

Wouldn't the lady care to accompany me to yon boudoir?

[phone ringing]

[rings] Damn.

Hope that's not the people tellin' us

to get away from the front of their house.

Yeah. Hello?

What? No, slow down, Jackie.

When? Yeah. We'll be right there.

Dan, they took Darlene to the hospital. Let's go.

Oh, sure.

Since when did you start drinking coffee?

Today. Now.

Well, now's as good a time as any, I guess.

Yeah, now I know what all the fuss is about.

Hi.

What's goin' on? Is Darlene okay?

Yeah, she's okay. She was in a little bit of pain

when we first got here, but she's better now.

She's in with the doctor.

So where's the kids? Where's David?

Mom's got the kids at home,

and David is still in Chicago.

Did you call him? I tried to call him,

on both those numbers that Darlene left,

and I can't get him. Why doesn't he have a pop-up pager?

Well, 'cause nothing was supposed to happen by now.

He was gonna get one in a couple of weeks.

Did the doctor say anything about the baby?

No. Oh, man.

Don't jump to conclusions, Dan.

We just don't know anything yet.

Hello, I'm Dr. Rudman. Are you Darlene's parents?

Uh-huh. What's going on?

Well, your daughter went into labor,

but we've given her a drug

to try to stop the contractions. Labor?

She's only seven months pregnant.

That's way too early to deliver.

That's why we're trying to keep the baby

in the womb as long as possible,

but so far, she seems to be responding well to the medication.

What about the baby?

We have your daughter hooked up to a fetal monitor,

and all the signs seem normal.

Well, thank God.

Yeah, um, how long before they know anything?

We're gonna have to keep her here overnight for observation.

Don't be alarmed. This happens all the time, okay?

She should be home by tomorrow morning.

Oh, good. Okay, so can we see her?

Yeah, sure, but only for a couple of minutes, okay?

She needs the rest. This way.

Come on, Deej.

Let's enjoy that coffee.

Hey.

Hey. How you doing?

How does it look like I'm doing?

What happened?

I-I don't know. I just felt like I had the flu,

like kind of funky and tired,

and then it just kept getting worse.

Then these contractions started.

Did you go into labor?

No, I mean-- They think that it's like false labor.

Anyway, they gave me drugs to take care of it.

And the doctor said it's not too uncommon.

Yeah. Well, you don't even look fat at all to me.

I don't know why they even put you in here.

It's just probably some insurance scam.

Yeah, you still look like my little girl.

Minus the attitude.

But that'll come back when the drugs wear off.

You can save the pep talk for when Jerry gets to Little League.

I mean, I know what's going on here.

Well, come on, Darlene.

You're pregnant with a Conner.

You didn't expect it to be a typical pregnancy, did you?

Yeah, Conner kids usually wait till they're 2 or 3

to give you this much trouble.

Your child is obviously gifted.

I just hope the baby's gonna be okay.

Well, I know you're scared, Darlene,

but I'm sure everything's gonna be just fine.

Yeah. Believe me.

We're not gonna let anything happen to you or the baby.

I know. I just wish I didn't have to be here.

Well, we wish you didn't have to be here, too,

but, you know, pregnancy, you go through some tough times,

and then, in the end, it's worth the trip.

Yeah, right. You said the same thing about driving to Gator World.

Yeah, but you got a couple of T-shirts

and a hat out of that, right?

I'm glad you guys are here.

Well, you know, I haven't had any contractions in a while, so maybe...

I could try to get some sleep or something.

Oh, yeah. We'll, uh...

We'll be outside.

How is she?

She's looking good.

She doesn't have any more contractions for a while,

so she's going to get some sleep.

Yeah, she's in good shape.

She's gotta stay here overnight and everything,

but she'll be fine.

So she's definitely coming home tomorrow?

D.J., doctors never tell you anything definitely.

That's how they keep from getting sued.

Yeah, so you're not going to miss any school

on account of it.

Come on D.J., let's go.

Call me if you need anything.

Thanks, Jackie.

She's going to be fine, honey.

I know it.

You want to do a crossword puzzle, Dan?

Because the nurse up on 3

has got a whole bunch of them behind her desk there.

No, thanks.

So why don't you go up to the candy machine on 4?

Because that's the only one that they ever restock.

Stay away from the one on 2.

They still got Reggie Bars up there.

Hey, you really know this place.

Well, did you forget?

I was here 24 hours a day when you had your heart attack.

I remember.

No, I sort of remember.

Boy...

Having a kid in a hospital

sure puts all your stupid little problems

in perspective.

It really does.

Like...you know, I was really upset with you

about the whole nurse thing there in the beginning,

but I want you to know that I knew you'd be back, Dan.

I'm not going anywhere.

Good.

Ahem.

What floor did you say had the best candy?

4. I think I'll go up there and see what they got.

Why don't you just go home, Dan?

There's nothing else you can do here now.

It's late, you're tired.

Now, when you say...home,

do you mean home or back to the hotel or...

No, I mean home. I-If that's where you want--

No, of course that's what I want if you want me.

Yeah, I do want you, Dan.

I love you, baby.

I love you, too.

Still not going home.

Well, then, you better go round up enough candy

for the both of us.

Hey, which one had that Reggie Bar?

2.

Uh, excuse me.

Excuse me, Mr. and Mrs. Conner?

How's Darlene?

Can we take her home now?

Actually, I'm afraid the contractions have started again.

She's asking for you. Oh, God.

Okay.

How you doing, sweetheart?

Not so good.

Where's David?

I don't know. He was on his way home from Chicago.

Well, he probably just got delayed.

I heard on the radio there was a big backup on the 290.

Oh, man.

Don't worry about it, honey.

We're here for you.

Isn't there something you should be doing for her?

Ahem.

Darlene, apparently,

the magnesium sulfate that we gave you earlier

has stopped working.

Now, there is another drug that we could try,

and it's called Ritodrine.

So give it to her. What are you waiting for?

Yeah, go.

Well, this Ritodrine can have

some very serious side effects.

I want you to know, if you take this drug,

we're going to have to put you on a cardiac monitor

because it can disrupt your heart rhythm

and cause some chest pains.

You could also have shortness of breath,

fluid in the lungs, and blood clotting.

It could even affect your blood cell count.

Well, are there any side effects for the baby?

Unfortunately, yes.

But considering the alternative,

I don't see how we have any real choice here.

We will be monitoring the baby.

Well, then, let's do it.

Darlene, don't you want to wait and talk to David?

Those are some pretty serious side effects.

I don't care.

Unless one of the side effects is death,

then I'm taking this stuff.

All I want to do is save this baby.

Okay. Then let's get started.

Hey, what if it-- what if this doesn't work?

Well, let's just hope it does.

No, come on. Just cut the crap here.

I just need to know what's going to happen.

Mrs. Conner, this is the drug of last resort.

If it doesn't work, she's going to have to deliver the baby.

I'm sorry.

Closed-Captioned By J.R. Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA