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1
00:00:06,478 --> 00:00:09,746
Hey! Hey!
Hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey!
2
00:00:09,814 --> 00:00:12,882
Don't crowd her.
Give her some air.
3
00:00:12,951 --> 00:00:14,584
I have good news.
4
00:00:14,653 --> 00:00:15,985
Your family is fine.
5
00:00:16,054 --> 00:00:17,354
A highway patrolman
found them,
6
00:00:17,422 --> 00:00:19,356
and he's bringing them
right over here.
Good.
7
00:00:19,424 --> 00:00:21,458
And you, Roseanne Conner,
8
00:00:21,527 --> 00:00:22,892
are a hero.
9
00:00:22,962 --> 00:00:23,961
[murmuring]
10
00:00:24,030 --> 00:00:26,330
You have taken
the American woman
11
00:00:26,399 --> 00:00:29,665
from housewife
to international
terrorist fighter.
12
00:00:29,736 --> 00:00:31,936
All right!
Yeah! Yeah!
13
00:00:32,005 --> 00:00:33,437
So tell us
how it happened.
14
00:00:33,505 --> 00:00:35,438
We want to hear
all the details.
15
00:00:35,507 --> 00:00:36,941
Okay. Well,
it was really weird
16
00:00:37,010 --> 00:00:38,441
because, uh, there we were
17
00:00:38,511 --> 00:00:41,279
headed, uh,
to Washington, DC, you know,
18
00:00:41,346 --> 00:00:44,748
with this friend of ours,
Dr. Hrundi V. Bakshi,
19
00:00:44,818 --> 00:00:46,550
and so we were just gonna...
20
00:00:47,653 --> 00:00:48,952
Oh, uh, Dr. Bakshi,
21
00:00:49,021 --> 00:00:50,554
I'd really
like to thank you
22
00:00:50,623 --> 00:00:53,224
for inviting us
to come along with you
to Washington, DC.
23
00:00:53,292 --> 00:00:54,959
Yes.
24
00:00:55,027 --> 00:00:58,429
Little did I know that you
would actually accept.
25
00:00:58,498 --> 00:01:02,800
Well, ha ha, hope
we're not imposing,
Doctor.
26
00:01:02,870 --> 00:01:06,071
Well, I know
I am not imposing.
27
00:01:06,139 --> 00:01:08,673
I always get along
with foreigners.
28
00:01:08,742 --> 00:01:11,475
The key is to remember
that they're people, too,
29
00:01:11,544 --> 00:01:13,044
and it's not their fault
30
00:01:13,113 --> 00:01:16,214
that they were born
in some barbaric
heathen land.
31
00:01:17,451 --> 00:01:19,851
Right, Dr. Bakshi?
32
00:01:19,920 --> 00:01:21,653
Whatever.
33
00:01:21,722 --> 00:01:22,954
[toot toot]
34
00:01:23,023 --> 00:01:24,623
Oh, my, you're really--
35
00:01:24,691 --> 00:01:25,624
[toot toot]
36
00:01:25,692 --> 00:01:27,025
...really enjoying
that whistle,
37
00:01:27,093 --> 00:01:28,193
aren't you, Andy?
38
00:01:28,262 --> 00:01:29,428
All the way from Boston.
39
00:01:31,398 --> 00:01:32,764
We're going to have to find
40
00:01:32,832 --> 00:01:34,565
a very special way
to thank Grandma
41
00:01:34,634 --> 00:01:35,734
for getting you that.
42
00:01:37,671 --> 00:01:39,404
So, have you
given any thought
43
00:01:39,473 --> 00:01:41,340
to what you want
to see in Washington?
44
00:01:41,408 --> 00:01:44,977
Oh, yeah, I want to go
see all the important
historical places.
45
00:01:45,046 --> 00:01:47,246
Superb. We'll start
with my favorite,
46
00:01:47,314 --> 00:01:48,648
the Lincoln Memorial,
47
00:01:48,716 --> 00:01:50,083
then the Capitol
Building--
48
00:01:50,151 --> 00:01:51,750
Oh, no, forget that crap.
Nuh-uh.
49
00:01:51,819 --> 00:01:53,419
I want to see that elevator
50
00:01:53,488 --> 00:01:57,556
where Bob Packwood
goosed his secretary,
you know?
51
00:01:57,626 --> 00:01:59,726
Then I want to go
over there to Congress
52
00:01:59,794 --> 00:02:01,394
and sit in the back
and oink.
53
00:02:01,463 --> 00:02:03,497
What do you think
of that, Hrundi?
54
00:02:04,765 --> 00:02:07,167
Excuse me.
I've lost my fanny pack.
55
00:02:09,337 --> 00:02:11,437
You know what I want
to see in DC?
56
00:02:11,505 --> 00:02:13,605
Chelsea Clinton.
57
00:02:13,674 --> 00:02:15,474
I can see it now.
58
00:02:15,543 --> 00:02:16,810
We're having dinner,
59
00:02:16,878 --> 00:02:19,478
a nice chat
about Bosnia,
60
00:02:19,547 --> 00:02:22,682
then I run her fingers
through her tawny hair.
61
00:02:22,751 --> 00:02:23,817
Hey, D.J.,
I'm starving.
62
00:02:23,886 --> 00:02:25,352
Let's go up
to the dining car.
63
00:02:25,421 --> 00:02:26,786
No way. This is first class.
64
00:02:26,855 --> 00:02:28,721
They're gonna
bring the food right to us.
65
00:02:28,790 --> 00:02:30,657
They're a little late, too.
[pounding]
66
00:02:30,726 --> 00:02:33,494
Everybody up!
67
00:02:33,563 --> 00:02:36,096
We are taking control
of this train!
68
00:02:36,165 --> 00:02:39,400
You are now our hostages!
69
00:02:40,503 --> 00:02:43,670
This better be dinner theatre.
70
00:02:43,739 --> 00:02:48,342
♪ If what doesn't kill us is makin' us stronger ♪
71
00:02:48,411 --> 00:02:50,511
♪ We're gonna last longer ♪
72
00:02:50,579 --> 00:02:53,347
♪ Then the greatest wall in China ♪
73
00:02:53,416 --> 00:02:56,517
♪ Or that rabbit with a drum ♪
74
00:02:56,585 --> 00:03:00,688
♪ If there's one thing that I've learned ♪
75
00:03:00,757 --> 00:03:02,857
♪ While waiting for my turn ♪
76
00:03:02,926 --> 00:03:05,860
♪ It's that in each life some rain falls ♪
77
00:03:05,929 --> 00:03:09,030
♪ But you also get some sun ♪
78
00:03:09,098 --> 00:03:13,034
♪ And we'll make out better than okay ♪
79
00:03:13,102 --> 00:03:15,870
♪ Hear what I say ♪
80
00:03:15,939 --> 00:03:20,542
♪ Yeah, any day ♪
81
00:03:25,950 --> 00:03:27,315
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
82
00:03:34,525 --> 00:03:38,794
Remind me never to use
Leon's travel agent again.
83
00:03:38,863 --> 00:03:42,097
Do not raise your voice!
84
00:03:42,166 --> 00:03:43,865
I'm not. This is my voice.
85
00:03:43,935 --> 00:03:45,402
I said quiet!
86
00:03:45,470 --> 00:03:46,836
It is a double sin,
87
00:03:46,904 --> 00:03:48,771
speaking without
being addressed,
88
00:03:48,840 --> 00:03:51,207
and not whispering
when you speak.
89
00:03:51,276 --> 00:03:53,375
[whispering]
Okay. Okay. Fine.
90
00:03:53,444 --> 00:03:55,678
Just tell us what
you want from us.
91
00:03:55,747 --> 00:03:58,381
No! We only
speak to men!
Like him!
92
00:04:00,152 --> 00:04:03,920
Oh, now
I'm really scared.
93
00:04:03,989 --> 00:04:07,224
Enough! Take them
to the holding car!
94
00:04:07,292 --> 00:04:09,225
Everyone but her.
95
00:04:09,294 --> 00:04:10,526
Oh, no!
Go!
96
00:04:10,594 --> 00:04:13,229
Aah!
Aah!
97
00:04:13,298 --> 00:04:14,397
[toot toot]
98
00:04:14,465 --> 00:04:17,167
Andy, not in front
of the terrorists.
99
00:04:17,236 --> 00:04:19,802
Hey, you touch
one hair on their head--
100
00:04:19,872 --> 00:04:21,004
Silence!
101
00:04:21,073 --> 00:04:24,708
Tie her up and gag her.
102
00:04:24,776 --> 00:04:28,912
Her mouth is a sin
against nature.
103
00:04:38,657 --> 00:04:42,226
Stay here! Try to escape,
and you'll be killed!
104
00:04:42,295 --> 00:04:43,894
Okay. No escaping.
[grunt]
105
00:04:43,963 --> 00:04:45,896
Oh, no! Oh! Woman!
Forgot. No talking.
106
00:04:45,965 --> 00:04:47,664
Aah! I'm still talking!
107
00:04:50,670 --> 00:04:52,770
You know, if he wasn't
holding a machine gun
108
00:04:52,838 --> 00:04:54,938
and there weren't
a bunch of other
terrorists around
109
00:04:55,007 --> 00:04:57,342
and if I wasn't sober,
oh, I'd kick his ass!
110
00:04:57,411 --> 00:04:59,377
What?
Nothing! Just kidding.
111
00:05:02,715 --> 00:05:05,916
Oh, uh, this is horrible.
112
00:05:05,985 --> 00:05:08,420
What if they keep us
in here for months
113
00:05:08,489 --> 00:05:10,455
and we have
to eat each other
114
00:05:10,523 --> 00:05:13,859
like those poor boys
on that soccer team?
115
00:05:13,927 --> 00:05:16,561
We don't even know
why they're doing this.
116
00:05:16,629 --> 00:05:18,663
What is it
that they want?
117
00:05:18,733 --> 00:05:19,931
They want me.
118
00:05:23,804 --> 00:05:26,004
Hey! Hey! Hey!
We got him in here!
119
00:05:26,072 --> 00:05:27,839
We got him in here!
Take him!
120
00:05:27,907 --> 00:05:32,345
D.J.! They know
he's in here!
121
00:05:32,414 --> 00:05:34,447
What is going on,
Dr. Bakshi?
122
00:05:34,515 --> 00:05:38,150
Those men are terrorists
from the country of Mondostan.
123
00:05:38,219 --> 00:05:40,785
I was going to give a speech
at the U.N.
124
00:05:40,854 --> 00:05:43,189
denouncing their country
for their horrible record
on human rights.
125
00:05:43,258 --> 00:05:45,458
This is their attempt
to silence me.
126
00:05:45,527 --> 00:05:48,294
Okay, okay, there's
just one thing I don't
understand here, okay?
127
00:05:48,363 --> 00:05:50,596
What's the U.N.?
You talk, mister!
128
00:05:53,734 --> 00:05:56,636
The U.N.
is the United Nations.
129
00:05:56,706 --> 00:05:58,871
I was going to speak
before the General Assembly,
130
00:05:58,940 --> 00:06:01,374
and the speech would have
been on every television
131
00:06:01,443 --> 00:06:03,076
in every home
throughout the world.
132
00:06:03,144 --> 00:06:05,378
You mean like Baywatch?
133
00:06:40,717 --> 00:06:41,982
Thank you.
134
00:06:45,287 --> 00:06:46,488
Are you okay?
135
00:06:46,557 --> 00:06:48,088
Uh-huh.
136
00:06:48,156 --> 00:06:50,258
Well,
you're in America now.
137
00:06:50,327 --> 00:06:51,626
Nobody can shut you up,
138
00:06:51,694 --> 00:06:54,295
and you don't have to wear
a ball in your mouth
139
00:06:54,364 --> 00:06:55,729
unless you get off on it.
140
00:06:55,797 --> 00:06:58,533
Now tell me
where my family is.
141
00:06:58,602 --> 00:06:59,634
Thank you.
142
00:07:10,314 --> 00:07:12,614
Take a breath, Soba.
You're gonna pull something.
143
00:07:18,222 --> 00:07:20,489
Our plan is working
perfectly.
144
00:07:20,558 --> 00:07:22,457
Ha ha!
Yeah!
145
00:07:22,526 --> 00:07:25,294
Only ourselves
and the Bakshi party
remain on the train.
146
00:07:25,363 --> 00:07:27,596
Soon someone
should bring them
some food and drink.
147
00:07:27,664 --> 00:07:29,265
Sort of a last meal,
huh?
148
00:07:29,333 --> 00:07:31,333
Soba! Do it!
149
00:07:36,674 --> 00:07:39,407
Is something wrong,
Soba?
150
00:07:42,146 --> 00:07:43,846
Did you cut your hair?
151
00:07:46,517 --> 00:07:49,619
I say we kill
that infantile Bakshi
right now!
152
00:07:49,687 --> 00:07:51,720
Yeah!
Yeah!
Silence!
153
00:07:51,789 --> 00:07:54,790
We must not deviate
from the plan.
154
00:07:55,994 --> 00:07:59,529
Bakshi and his
degenerate friends.
155
00:07:59,598 --> 00:08:01,830
will all perish
in two hours
156
00:08:01,899 --> 00:08:06,903
when the train is derailed
and plunges off the cliff.
157
00:08:06,971 --> 00:08:09,005
[imitates explosion]
158
00:08:09,074 --> 00:08:13,042
And then the whole world
will know our power!
159
00:08:13,112 --> 00:08:18,047
The power of
The Mondostan Seven!
160
00:08:26,391 --> 00:08:28,291
Soba, more coffee.
161
00:08:28,360 --> 00:08:30,326
United Nation will learn
162
00:08:30,396 --> 00:08:32,563
not to interfere
with our internal affair.
163
00:08:32,631 --> 00:08:35,533
Yes. The very idea
of being upset at us,
164
00:08:35,602 --> 00:08:37,934
just because we yank out
the eyeteeth of our women,
165
00:08:38,003 --> 00:08:40,904
tear off their tongues,
and we sew their mouths
shut,
166
00:08:40,972 --> 00:08:42,673
what's the big deal?
167
00:08:42,742 --> 00:08:47,544
Oh, you clumsy wench!
168
00:08:47,613 --> 00:08:50,148
We even tried to appease
the rest of the world
169
00:08:50,216 --> 00:08:51,715
by having
a woman president.
170
00:08:51,784 --> 00:08:54,351
Perhaps we should have
let her make a speech
171
00:08:54,420 --> 00:08:56,688
before her mouth
was sewn up.
172
00:09:00,426 --> 00:09:02,392
She is spirited, huh?
173
00:09:02,461 --> 00:09:05,296
It would be a joy
to break her.
174
00:09:06,633 --> 00:09:09,768
This reminds me of a joke.
175
00:09:09,836 --> 00:09:12,705
If you push an Englishwoman
and a Mondostan woman
176
00:09:12,773 --> 00:09:14,340
out of an airplane
at the same time,
177
00:09:14,408 --> 00:09:16,974
who will hit the ground
first? Huh? Huh?
178
00:09:17,043 --> 00:09:18,142
Who cares?
179
00:09:20,747 --> 00:09:22,982
Who cares? Who cares?
180
00:09:24,718 --> 00:09:27,486
I care,
you silly bastard.
181
00:09:27,555 --> 00:09:29,822
Aah!
182
00:09:29,890 --> 00:09:30,823
Get her!
183
00:09:30,891 --> 00:09:34,325
Get that filthy
devil woman!
184
00:09:46,807 --> 00:09:47,940
She gone.
185
00:09:48,008 --> 00:09:49,442
She must have
fallen off.
186
00:09:49,511 --> 00:09:52,178
Good. I hope
she died horribly.
187
00:09:52,246 --> 00:09:54,045
Ha ha ha ha ha!
188
00:10:02,090 --> 00:10:04,758
Eat your heart out,
Kerri Strug.
189
00:10:10,432 --> 00:10:12,231
[phone rings]
190
00:10:14,069 --> 00:10:15,234
[ring]
191
00:10:17,305 --> 00:10:19,673
Hello. Listen,
whoever this is,
I need help!
192
00:10:19,742 --> 00:10:20,841
[Man] Who is this?
193
00:10:20,910 --> 00:10:22,743
MacGyver. What difference
does it make?
194
00:10:22,812 --> 00:10:23,911
I need help.
195
00:10:23,980 --> 00:10:25,579
I want to speak to Dr. Bakshi.
196
00:10:25,648 --> 00:10:27,014
He's a little
indisposed right now.
197
00:10:27,083 --> 00:10:28,181
Look, I need--
198
00:10:28,250 --> 00:10:30,117
No, you look! This is the FBI.
199
00:10:30,185 --> 00:10:33,220
We have information that Dr. Bakshi's life may be in danger.
200
00:10:33,288 --> 00:10:36,024
Yeah, well, big fat duh.
201
00:10:36,093 --> 00:10:37,959
There's a bunch of goons
on this train,
202
00:10:38,028 --> 00:10:39,627
and they have Bakshi
and my family.
203
00:10:39,695 --> 00:10:42,195
You guys
better get your butts
on this train right now.
204
00:10:44,333 --> 00:10:46,100
Listen, I'm losing you!
205
00:10:46,169 --> 00:10:48,169
[Woman] So, girl, go figure.
206
00:10:48,237 --> 00:10:50,639
Everyone in Melanie's party got lucky
207
00:10:50,707 --> 00:10:52,006
except for Melanie.
208
00:10:52,075 --> 00:10:54,975
Damn cell phones!
209
00:10:55,044 --> 00:10:57,612
[FBI Man] We'll fly help men as soon as we can.
210
00:10:57,681 --> 00:10:59,547
These men are dangerous, so don't do anything.
211
00:10:59,616 --> 00:11:00,881
But my family--
212
00:11:00,949 --> 00:11:03,251
Ma'am, be a good girl and don't do anything.
213
00:11:03,319 --> 00:11:06,254
Fine, I'll lay low
until you get here.
214
00:11:08,492 --> 00:11:10,659
Like hell I will.
215
00:11:10,727 --> 00:11:12,760
♪♪ [rap music playing]
216
00:11:42,060 --> 00:11:45,194
This time, it's personal.
217
00:12:00,646 --> 00:12:02,178
Avon calling.
218
00:12:03,381 --> 00:12:04,881
You were supposed
to be dead!
219
00:12:04,950 --> 00:12:07,283
You boys put those guns
down right now!
220
00:12:07,352 --> 00:12:09,084
Don't make me
pull this train over!
221
00:12:09,153 --> 00:12:12,689
You just told
your last joke.
222
00:12:17,662 --> 00:12:19,362
Check, please.
223
00:12:20,466 --> 00:12:23,566
Fun is over! Ha ha ha ha!
224
00:12:23,636 --> 00:12:26,436
Aah! Aah!
225
00:12:31,844 --> 00:12:35,278
That's what we call
shootin' the curl.
226
00:12:38,383 --> 00:12:39,550
Yaah!
227
00:12:39,619 --> 00:12:40,918
You know what this is?
228
00:12:40,987 --> 00:12:42,586
Not a tampon.
229
00:12:44,390 --> 00:12:46,324
Oh! Ohh!
230
00:12:51,831 --> 00:12:55,766
Now you can ride horses
and swim.
231
00:12:57,903 --> 00:12:59,236
Raah!
232
00:12:59,306 --> 00:13:00,771
[electricity sizzling]
233
00:13:17,190 --> 00:13:19,158
You tell me
where my family is
234
00:13:19,225 --> 00:13:21,125
before I lose my cool.
235
00:13:21,194 --> 00:13:23,062
Nothing you can do
will make me talk.
236
00:13:23,130 --> 00:13:24,363
Oh. Really?
237
00:13:24,431 --> 00:13:26,031
Aah!
238
00:13:26,099 --> 00:13:28,200
No! Not the beard!
239
00:13:28,268 --> 00:13:30,535
I need it!
I have no chin!
240
00:13:32,340 --> 00:13:34,340
Aah! All right! All right!
241
00:13:34,408 --> 00:13:36,441
But you're never
going to make it.
242
00:13:36,510 --> 00:13:38,944
Your family's
nine cars back:
243
00:13:39,013 --> 00:13:40,645
each car
with eight guards,
244
00:13:40,714 --> 00:13:42,147
each guard
with seven guns,
245
00:13:42,216 --> 00:13:43,949
each gun
with six bullets.
246
00:13:44,018 --> 00:13:45,384
Didn't anybody
ever tell you
247
00:13:45,452 --> 00:13:47,620
that girls can't do math?
248
00:13:47,688 --> 00:13:49,955
Aah!
249
00:13:51,826 --> 00:13:56,429
That'll teach you to mess
with the mother of all mothers.
250
00:13:59,167 --> 00:14:01,735
D.J., we're manly men!
We can bust this thing open!
251
00:14:01,803 --> 00:14:03,036
I'm trying!
252
00:14:05,973 --> 00:14:08,475
To think I made it
through a World War,
253
00:14:08,543 --> 00:14:09,676
the Korean War--
254
00:14:09,744 --> 00:14:11,110
Well, technically,
that wasn't a war.
255
00:14:11,179 --> 00:14:12,879
That was a police action.
256
00:14:12,949 --> 00:14:16,249
And now I'm seeing
the caboose of my life.
257
00:14:16,318 --> 00:14:19,418
Mother,
don't talk like that!
258
00:14:19,487 --> 00:14:21,187
You're scaring Andy.
259
00:14:21,256 --> 00:14:22,656
Andy's asleep.
260
00:14:22,725 --> 00:14:25,659
Well,
then you're scaring me.
261
00:14:25,728 --> 00:14:28,294
We got to get out of here.
Mom's all by herself.
262
00:14:28,363 --> 00:14:30,998
She's not alone.
She's surrounded
by terrorists.
263
00:14:31,067 --> 00:14:32,600
Oh, my God.
264
00:14:32,668 --> 00:14:35,535
Oh, God, I don't want
to be an only child!
265
00:14:35,605 --> 00:14:37,004
Relax, relax, relax.
266
00:14:37,073 --> 00:14:40,774
I can handle these guys.
I took shop.
267
00:14:40,843 --> 00:14:43,510
♪ The party's over ♪
268
00:14:43,579 --> 00:14:47,314
♪ It's time to call it a day ♪
269
00:14:47,383 --> 00:14:48,582
Shut up!
270
00:14:50,320 --> 00:14:53,188
I do not want my last
moments on Earth
271
00:14:53,256 --> 00:14:55,656
polluted by your incessant
crooning.
272
00:14:55,725 --> 00:14:57,358
What do you mean--
273
00:14:57,426 --> 00:14:59,594
What do you mean,
last moments?
274
00:14:59,663 --> 00:15:02,329
These are my
middle moments!
275
00:15:02,397 --> 00:15:03,598
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
276
00:15:03,667 --> 00:15:05,233
Whoa!
277
00:15:05,302 --> 00:15:08,069
Someone needs to take control
of this situation right now!
278
00:15:08,138 --> 00:15:10,372
Someone with their wits
about them.
279
00:15:10,441 --> 00:15:12,374
I guess it's gonna be me!
280
00:15:13,677 --> 00:15:16,311
Excuse me
for being presumptuous.
281
00:15:16,379 --> 00:15:17,979
I've only known you
for two days,
282
00:15:18,048 --> 00:15:20,183
but you're an imbecile.
283
00:15:20,250 --> 00:15:22,117
So?
284
00:15:22,186 --> 00:15:23,919
Let's play a game.
285
00:15:23,988 --> 00:15:25,888
Well, how about Hangman?
286
00:15:25,957 --> 00:15:27,589
Oh, yeah, great, Mark.
Hangman!
287
00:15:27,658 --> 00:15:29,691
It's really gonna make us
forget about dying.
288
00:15:29,761 --> 00:15:31,626
I'm sorry, all right?
How about this, then?
289
00:15:31,695 --> 00:15:34,029
I'll say a word,
and we'll each add a word
290
00:15:34,098 --> 00:15:36,031
until we get a sentence,
okay? Ready? I'm--
291
00:15:36,100 --> 00:15:37,099
Going--
292
00:15:37,167 --> 00:15:38,601
To--
293
00:15:38,669 --> 00:15:40,102
Die!
294
00:16:17,009 --> 00:16:19,342
So nice of you
to join me on the veranda
295
00:16:19,412 --> 00:16:20,978
for some fresh air...
296
00:16:21,046 --> 00:16:23,447
even though it's your last.
297
00:16:23,516 --> 00:16:25,749
Raah!
298
00:16:30,222 --> 00:16:31,821
I love the train.
299
00:16:31,890 --> 00:16:34,491
It's so much safer
than air travel.
300
00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:35,926
Don't you agree?
301
00:16:40,033 --> 00:16:43,801
Damn. I forgot how famous
you Mondostanians are
302
00:16:43,870 --> 00:16:45,270
for your hard jaws!
303
00:16:45,337 --> 00:16:47,271
Don't forget, we also
grow world-famous figs.
304
00:16:48,441 --> 00:16:50,675
Raah!
305
00:16:55,280 --> 00:16:56,413
Aah!
306
00:16:56,482 --> 00:17:00,318
Ah, I've seen bigger forearms
on a buffalo wing!
307
00:17:01,654 --> 00:17:04,822
You make me reassess
my opinion about women.
308
00:17:04,891 --> 00:17:08,060
You're even weaker
and more stupid
than I thought.
309
00:17:08,129 --> 00:17:09,995
That is why
it is so much fun
310
00:17:10,064 --> 00:17:11,462
to put them
in their place.
311
00:17:15,768 --> 00:17:17,869
You people are barbarians!
312
00:17:17,938 --> 00:17:19,270
In our country,
313
00:17:19,339 --> 00:17:21,439
we don't need to spill blood
to silence women.
314
00:17:21,507 --> 00:17:25,343
We do it with diet and fashion
and psychiatrists!
315
00:17:25,412 --> 00:17:28,246
Every country should
destroy their women
316
00:17:28,315 --> 00:17:29,681
in their own way
317
00:17:29,750 --> 00:17:32,251
because you are inferior!
318
00:17:32,319 --> 00:17:34,252
You may think
women are inferior,
319
00:17:34,322 --> 00:17:37,590
but there's one way
men are much weaker.
320
00:17:37,658 --> 00:17:39,225
Ohh!
321
00:17:42,029 --> 00:17:44,462
Big Frank might be tough,
322
00:17:44,531 --> 00:17:49,367
but Little Frank's weak
like all the rest of 'em!
323
00:17:54,810 --> 00:17:56,508
Aah!
324
00:17:57,712 --> 00:18:00,580
Damn! I broke a nail.
325
00:18:04,086 --> 00:18:06,186
I'm not playing
any more word games.
326
00:18:06,254 --> 00:18:07,620
Okay, okay, okay!
327
00:18:07,688 --> 00:18:09,756
How about
Duck Duck Goose?
328
00:18:09,824 --> 00:18:12,592
No, Mark! No games
of any kind!
329
00:18:12,661 --> 00:18:13,793
Kill him! Kill him!
330
00:18:13,862 --> 00:18:16,729
Everybody!
331
00:18:16,798 --> 00:18:19,065
Look at us! We're
turning on each other
332
00:18:19,134 --> 00:18:21,867
like a pack
of wild dingos!
333
00:18:21,937 --> 00:18:24,004
Only God can save us now.
334
00:18:24,073 --> 00:18:25,505
[door opens]
335
00:18:25,574 --> 00:18:27,908
What about Goddess?
336
00:18:29,511 --> 00:18:31,345
You're alive!
337
00:18:31,413 --> 00:18:33,947
I knew you'd make it!
I just knew it!
338
00:18:34,017 --> 00:18:37,517
Roseanne, that outfit,
it's hardly slenderizing.
339
00:18:37,586 --> 00:18:39,686
Shut up, Mom.
This train
is about to go
340
00:18:39,755 --> 00:18:41,122
off a cliff
in two minutes.
341
00:18:41,190 --> 00:18:42,756
You guys want to live?
Follow me.
342
00:18:45,561 --> 00:18:48,263
Okay, his train's gonna go
around a cove in a minute,
343
00:18:48,331 --> 00:18:49,963
so that'll give us
time to jump off.
344
00:18:50,032 --> 00:18:50,965
Go, D.J.
345
00:18:51,033 --> 00:18:52,400
I don't care
what anybody says.
346
00:18:52,469 --> 00:18:54,735
You're the best mom
on the block. Aah!
347
00:18:56,672 --> 00:18:59,740
Well, Roseanne, I--
Aah!
348
00:19:01,144 --> 00:19:02,276
If I don't make it,
349
00:19:02,345 --> 00:19:03,945
I only hope
in my next life
350
00:19:04,014 --> 00:19:07,648
I come back as a meat-eating
woman like you!
351
00:19:07,718 --> 00:19:08,784
Aah!
352
00:19:10,187 --> 00:19:13,988
Roseanne, you're the ultimate
in feminine protection!
353
00:19:14,058 --> 00:19:15,657
Never jump out of a train,
Andy,
354
00:19:15,725 --> 00:19:17,091
with a whistle in your mouth.
355
00:19:20,731 --> 00:19:22,365
You go, girl!
356
00:19:24,601 --> 00:19:26,336
Becky really missed
a great trip, huh?
357
00:19:28,905 --> 00:19:29,838
Yaah!
358
00:19:31,908 --> 00:19:34,009
Yaah!
359
00:19:34,078 --> 00:19:35,411
Blaah!
360
00:19:36,546 --> 00:19:39,348
Hey!
I owe you one, pal.
361
00:19:39,416 --> 00:19:40,449
Forget it. My treat.
362
00:19:40,517 --> 00:19:43,119
You know all those times
you screwed up, Mark?
363
00:19:43,188 --> 00:19:45,054
Well,
this isn't one of them.
364
00:19:45,123 --> 00:19:48,791
I'm proud to call you
my son-in-law.
365
00:19:48,860 --> 00:19:49,859
Aah!
366
00:19:56,835 --> 00:20:00,069
Oh, my God, I can't believe
I'm gonna die like this.
367
00:20:00,138 --> 00:20:04,040
That carnival psychic
was right!
368
00:20:06,112 --> 00:20:08,911
Oh, at last! Help from above!
369
00:20:08,980 --> 00:20:12,382
[Man] This is the FBI! Grab onto the tire!
370
00:20:16,254 --> 00:20:17,520
[crash]
371
00:20:17,588 --> 00:20:21,291
Cleanup on Aisle 4!
372
00:20:28,033 --> 00:20:29,634
Mrs. Conner,
it's been quite a day.
373
00:20:29,702 --> 00:20:31,067
If you feel up to it,
374
00:20:31,136 --> 00:20:33,136
there's someone else
who wants to meet you.
375
00:20:34,773 --> 00:20:37,841
Oh, my God! It's Hillary!
376
00:20:37,910 --> 00:20:41,011
Roseanne, it takes a village
to raise a child,
377
00:20:41,079 --> 00:20:42,880
but just one tough cookie
like you
378
00:20:42,948 --> 00:20:44,382
to whip
a bunch of terrorists.
379
00:20:44,450 --> 00:20:47,151
Well, terrorists don't
really bother me, Hillary.
380
00:20:47,219 --> 00:20:49,086
After all, I had
two teenage daughters
381
00:20:49,155 --> 00:20:52,490
living in the same house
at the same time.
382
00:20:52,558 --> 00:20:53,724
See you at Barbara's.
383
00:20:53,794 --> 00:20:54,725
Yeah.
384
00:20:54,795 --> 00:20:55,994
Mrs. Clinton--
385
00:21:01,100 --> 00:21:03,000
Well done, grasshopper.
386
00:21:03,069 --> 00:21:07,405
Oh, Master. I've studied
all of your teachings
387
00:21:07,474 --> 00:21:08,840
as best as I could,
388
00:21:08,908 --> 00:21:11,075
especially those
available on video.
389
00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:15,347
But you did resort to violence,
390
00:21:15,416 --> 00:21:17,216
and I think you need to realize
391
00:21:17,285 --> 00:21:19,585
that the only enemy...
392
00:21:19,654 --> 00:21:21,020
is within you.
393
00:21:22,456 --> 00:21:24,689
If you can dissolve
into emptiness,
394
00:21:24,758 --> 00:21:26,358
you'll realize...
395
00:21:26,427 --> 00:21:29,295
they cannot resist
that which doesn't
exist.
396
00:21:29,363 --> 00:21:32,765
This is the true nature
of Shinyata.
397
00:21:36,470 --> 00:21:38,070
What he said.
398
00:21:40,841 --> 00:21:41,974
I could have had Roseanne.
399
00:21:42,042 --> 00:21:43,643
I could never make it
without her.
400
00:21:43,711 --> 00:21:45,545
You know what I mean?
I'm so happy.
401
00:21:45,613 --> 00:21:47,481
Oh, this is just
a little token here.
402
00:21:47,549 --> 00:21:49,483
That's what it is. 707--
403
00:21:49,551 --> 00:21:52,784
1717. See, get a zoom in.
404
00:21:52,853 --> 00:21:53,952
71,000--
405
00:21:54,021 --> 00:21:58,057
$71,754.13
406
00:21:58,127 --> 00:21:59,725
[Man]
What did you buy
for that?
407
00:21:59,793 --> 00:22:00,927
Isn't that a bad day?
408
00:22:00,996 --> 00:22:02,862
What did he buy.
This is just a--
409
00:22:02,931 --> 00:22:05,031
This is something I bought
to keep him happy.
410
00:22:05,100 --> 00:22:07,100
"Keep Mike Tyson happy"
money.
411
00:22:07,169 --> 00:22:08,835
A mere pittance.
412
00:22:08,903 --> 00:22:11,538
A mere pittance, you know?
413
00:22:11,608 --> 00:22:13,473
Do you have
that pittance
to show us?
414
00:22:13,543 --> 00:22:15,509
He bought towels.
I have nothing.
415
00:22:15,578 --> 00:22:18,412
Closed-Captioned By
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