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1
00:00:07,169 --> 00:00:08,201
[fretting]
2
00:00:08,270 --> 00:00:10,837
It's okay. It's okay.
3
00:00:10,906 --> 00:00:12,705
I'll get the lights,
okay?
4
00:00:12,774 --> 00:00:13,974
It's okay.
5
00:00:14,043 --> 00:00:15,709
Oh, Mommy.
6
00:00:15,778 --> 00:00:17,477
You're okay, sweetheart.
7
00:00:20,582 --> 00:00:22,917
Roseanne!
8
00:00:22,986 --> 00:00:26,020
Roseanne, where are you?
9
00:00:26,089 --> 00:00:28,088
I've got to tell you
something!
10
00:00:28,157 --> 00:00:29,422
What is going on?
11
00:00:29,492 --> 00:00:31,659
Where's my baby? What?
12
00:00:31,727 --> 00:00:33,226
We won the lottery!
13
00:00:33,295 --> 00:00:35,696
This is the winning
lottery ticket!
I've got it right here!
14
00:00:35,765 --> 00:00:37,798
Remember? You told me
to watch it on TV!
15
00:00:37,867 --> 00:00:38,999
What are you talking about?
16
00:00:39,068 --> 00:00:42,170
We won the lottery!
I can't believe it!
17
00:00:42,239 --> 00:00:43,470
What lottery?
18
00:00:43,540 --> 00:00:46,141
The lottery!
The Illinois State Lottery!
19
00:00:46,209 --> 00:00:48,576
It's the biggest one
in the history of Illinois!
20
00:00:48,645 --> 00:00:50,744
It's $108 million!
21
00:00:50,813 --> 00:00:52,413
You mean-- You mean--
22
00:00:52,481 --> 00:00:57,185
We're the people that picked
the six winning numbers!
23
00:00:57,254 --> 00:01:00,088
Oh, my God.
You're telling me--
24
00:01:00,156 --> 00:01:02,256
You're telling me--
25
00:01:02,325 --> 00:01:04,192
You're telling me
26
00:01:04,260 --> 00:01:07,228
that we won the Illinois
State Lottery
27
00:01:07,296 --> 00:01:08,597
for $108 million.
28
00:01:08,665 --> 00:01:10,031
Is that
what you're telling me?
29
00:01:10,100 --> 00:01:11,466
Is that what you're
telling me?
30
00:01:11,535 --> 00:01:13,868
Ha ha ha!
Let's tell Dan.
31
00:01:13,937 --> 00:01:15,971
No! Dan has just had
a heart attack,
32
00:01:16,039 --> 00:01:17,973
and this kind of thing
could kill him!
33
00:01:18,043 --> 00:01:19,541
What's going on?
34
00:01:19,609 --> 00:01:21,444
Don't panic!
35
00:01:22,514 --> 00:01:23,611
Sit.
What's wrong?
36
00:01:23,680 --> 00:01:25,014
Nothing.
Nothing is wrong.
37
00:01:25,083 --> 00:01:27,216
Nothing is wrong.
Nothing will ever
be wrong again.
38
00:01:27,285 --> 00:01:30,385
Dan, Dan, I have
something to tell you,
39
00:01:30,454 --> 00:01:31,721
but before I tell you,
40
00:01:31,790 --> 00:01:33,823
you have to promise me
41
00:01:33,891 --> 00:01:35,558
that you are not
going to collapse
42
00:01:35,627 --> 00:01:37,226
or turn blue
or anything like that.
43
00:01:38,428 --> 00:01:39,495
Scout's honor.
44
00:01:39,564 --> 00:01:40,529
Okay.
45
00:01:42,767 --> 00:01:45,134
We won the lottery!
46
00:01:45,202 --> 00:01:46,403
Aah!
47
00:01:46,472 --> 00:01:49,139
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
48
00:01:49,208 --> 00:01:52,476
We won the lottery!
We won the lottery!
49
00:01:52,544 --> 00:01:53,709
Aah!
50
00:01:53,778 --> 00:01:55,778
Oh, my God,
we won the lottery!
51
00:01:55,847 --> 00:01:58,248
We won the lottery!
Aah!
52
00:02:02,254 --> 00:02:04,021
Hey! Hey!
53
00:02:04,089 --> 00:02:06,455
Go get my shirt!
54
00:02:06,524 --> 00:02:09,293
Oh! Ho ho ho!
Aah!
55
00:02:09,360 --> 00:02:14,131
♪ What doesn't kill us is makin' us stronger ♪
56
00:02:14,200 --> 00:02:16,266
♪ We're gonna last longer ♪
57
00:02:16,335 --> 00:02:19,002
♪ Than the greatest wall in China ♪
58
00:02:19,071 --> 00:02:22,139
♪ Or that rabbit with a drum ♪
59
00:02:22,209 --> 00:02:26,311
♪ If there's one thing that I've learned ♪
60
00:02:26,378 --> 00:02:28,545
♪ While waiting for my turn ♪
61
00:02:28,613 --> 00:02:31,715
♪ It's that in each life some rain falls ♪
62
00:02:31,783 --> 00:02:34,651
♪ But you also get some sun ♪
63
00:02:34,720 --> 00:02:38,488
♪ And we'll make out better than okay ♪
64
00:02:38,557 --> 00:02:41,558
♪ Hear what I say ♪
65
00:02:41,627 --> 00:02:45,964
♪ Yeah, any day ♪
66
00:02:51,471 --> 00:02:53,037
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
67
00:02:59,679 --> 00:03:02,314
$108 million.
68
00:03:03,650 --> 00:03:05,184
Yeah,
but you know what?
69
00:03:05,253 --> 00:03:08,054
If this ticket was worth
only, say, 10 million,
70
00:03:08,122 --> 00:03:11,056
I'd love it just as much.
71
00:03:11,125 --> 00:03:13,225
You know what? You guys
should have that framed.
72
00:03:13,294 --> 00:03:14,827
Yeah, we should. Duh!
73
00:03:14,895 --> 00:03:17,262
You have to turn it in
to get the money, Mark.
74
00:03:20,268 --> 00:03:22,001
I want you to know
75
00:03:22,069 --> 00:03:25,837
that no one deserves this
more than you and Dad.
76
00:03:25,907 --> 00:03:28,440
Aw, honey.
77
00:03:28,509 --> 00:03:32,912
Oh, those are those pregnancy
hormones kicking in.
78
00:03:32,980 --> 00:03:35,181
Makes you so sweet.
79
00:03:35,250 --> 00:03:37,516
Too bad you didn't get
knocked up years ago.
80
00:03:38,819 --> 00:03:40,987
All right, so I have it
all figured out.
81
00:03:41,056 --> 00:03:43,156
You guys are gonna get
5.4 million a year.
82
00:03:43,225 --> 00:03:45,591
That's like $10 a minute,
17 cents a second.
83
00:03:45,660 --> 00:03:48,995
Wow.
Hey, that's 17 cents.
84
00:03:49,064 --> 00:03:51,097
That's 17 cents.
85
00:03:51,166 --> 00:03:53,166
That's 34 cents.
86
00:03:53,235 --> 00:03:55,670
What are we gonna do
with all the money,
honey?
87
00:03:55,737 --> 00:03:58,238
I'll tell you what.
We're gonna move out of here
88
00:03:58,307 --> 00:04:00,575
and buy that great big house
down the block.
89
00:04:00,643 --> 00:04:02,510
Or better yet, wait, no.
90
00:04:02,579 --> 00:04:07,181
We're gonna move to, uh,
the really nice part of town.
91
00:04:07,250 --> 00:04:08,715
Or Egypt.
92
00:04:09,885 --> 00:04:13,020
This is our
ancestral home.
93
00:04:13,088 --> 00:04:14,956
I grew up here!
94
00:04:15,024 --> 00:04:18,558
Don't worry, honey.
We're not gonna
get rid of the house.
95
00:04:18,626 --> 00:04:20,327
We'll just put it
in the tree
96
00:04:20,396 --> 00:04:22,096
in the backyard
of our new place.
97
00:04:25,801 --> 00:04:27,601
You know what we can do?
98
00:04:27,670 --> 00:04:29,369
We're gonna be able
to send Becky
99
00:04:29,439 --> 00:04:31,639
to the college
that she wants to go to,
100
00:04:31,708 --> 00:04:34,642
something really great
like Harvard or, uh...
101
00:04:34,711 --> 00:04:37,778
uh...
what's another college?
102
00:04:37,847 --> 00:04:38,813
Great.
Thanks, Mom.
103
00:04:38,882 --> 00:04:41,082
Yeah, and, D.J.,
you can just go ahead
104
00:04:41,151 --> 00:04:43,718
and drop out of school
altogether!
105
00:04:43,786 --> 00:04:46,487
No way. I mean, now that we
got all this dough,
106
00:04:46,556 --> 00:04:48,023
I'm finally gonna be popular.
107
00:04:49,326 --> 00:04:51,426
Well, I've always
had this dream
108
00:04:51,495 --> 00:04:55,864
that one day
I'd buy a vineyard
in Bordeauks
109
00:04:55,932 --> 00:04:58,433
and tease
the nectar of the gods
110
00:04:58,502 --> 00:05:01,136
from the heart
of the grape.
111
00:05:01,204 --> 00:05:04,973
Why? That jug from Buy 'n Bag
keeps you just as happy.
112
00:05:06,377 --> 00:05:07,576
I'm gonna get
all-new tools,
113
00:05:07,644 --> 00:05:08,744
finish my boat.
114
00:05:08,812 --> 00:05:10,512
You know what I'm
gonna have mounted
115
00:05:10,581 --> 00:05:11,780
next to
the captain's chair?
116
00:05:11,849 --> 00:05:12,781
What's that?
117
00:05:12,850 --> 00:05:14,850
The Liberty Bell!
Clank, clank, crack!
118
00:05:20,725 --> 00:05:23,092
I want to ride
in the space shuttle.
Who's with me?
119
00:05:25,296 --> 00:05:27,864
Hey! You don't
even have to worry
120
00:05:27,933 --> 00:05:29,833
about your health
or your heart anymore, Dan,
121
00:05:29,901 --> 00:05:33,837
because we can buy
one of them baboon heart
transplant jobs.
122
00:05:33,905 --> 00:05:35,138
You know what?
123
00:05:35,207 --> 00:05:37,340
With the stuff they got going
with medical science now,
124
00:05:37,408 --> 00:05:40,243
good God, I'm getting me
a ton of plastic surgery.
125
00:05:40,311 --> 00:05:41,612
I swear to God.
126
00:05:41,680 --> 00:05:43,813
I'm getting
one of them nose jobs,
127
00:05:43,882 --> 00:05:45,482
and I'm gonna get
a tummy tuck
128
00:05:45,551 --> 00:05:47,351
and a ton of liposuction.
129
00:05:47,419 --> 00:05:50,120
Honey, I like you
just the way you are.
130
00:05:50,189 --> 00:05:51,388
Well, that don't matter to me
131
00:05:51,456 --> 00:05:53,523
'cause I'm dumping you
for some parasitic pig.
132
00:05:53,592 --> 00:05:54,791
Then I'm gonna lose him
133
00:05:54,859 --> 00:05:56,493
for some young guy
that's really buff.
134
00:05:56,562 --> 00:05:57,826
And then after that--
135
00:05:57,897 --> 00:06:02,132
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Just slow down, everybody.
136
00:06:02,201 --> 00:06:05,369
We can't celebrate
till we've officially
gotten the money, okay?
137
00:06:05,437 --> 00:06:06,871
'Cause I read
about this guy.
138
00:06:06,939 --> 00:06:08,371
He's a...average guy.
139
00:06:08,440 --> 00:06:10,140
Okay? You know, he's--
140
00:06:10,209 --> 00:06:12,711
Hey, he's got
a winning lottery ticket.
141
00:06:12,778 --> 00:06:14,911
You know,
he's whooping it up.
142
00:06:14,980 --> 00:06:16,880
He figures he's
already got the cash.
143
00:06:16,949 --> 00:06:19,284
Guess what.
He lost the ticket!
144
00:06:19,353 --> 00:06:20,418
Oh!
145
00:06:20,487 --> 00:06:22,621
So one minute
he's got millions,
146
00:06:22,689 --> 00:06:24,689
and the next minute nothing.
147
00:06:24,757 --> 00:06:26,957
Thanks for sharing that,
sis.
148
00:06:27,027 --> 00:06:28,426
I'm just saying--
149
00:06:28,495 --> 00:06:31,095
I'm saying we've got to be
very, very careful here.
150
00:06:31,165 --> 00:06:32,631
I agree with Jackie.
151
00:06:32,698 --> 00:06:34,533
Don't do that, Mother.
152
00:06:36,370 --> 00:06:38,837
Oh, come on, Jackie.
There's got to be
something you want.
153
00:06:38,906 --> 00:06:40,171
I'm not gonna think about it
154
00:06:40,240 --> 00:06:41,939
until that ticket
goes down to that office.
155
00:06:42,009 --> 00:06:43,375
I know what Jackie wants.
156
00:06:43,443 --> 00:06:45,310
Vroom, vroom, vroom!
157
00:06:45,378 --> 00:06:49,348
Cherry-red sports car
with a leather-wrap
steering wheel.
158
00:06:49,417 --> 00:06:50,783
And?
159
00:06:50,851 --> 00:06:53,519
And a Rolex!
160
00:06:53,587 --> 00:06:55,353
See?
That wasn't so hard.
161
00:06:55,422 --> 00:06:57,055
Uh...
162
00:06:57,124 --> 00:07:00,024
you know they say
that DeVry Institute's
a good college.
163
00:07:12,873 --> 00:07:15,307
Uh, excuse me.
164
00:07:15,376 --> 00:07:20,279
If we were here to, uh,
collect, say, $108 million,
165
00:07:20,347 --> 00:07:21,514
where would we go?
166
00:07:21,583 --> 00:07:23,148
Oh, you're the ones, huh?
167
00:07:23,217 --> 00:07:25,150
You know, I had
two of those numbers.
168
00:07:25,219 --> 00:07:28,087
Well,
thanks for your dollar.
169
00:07:28,156 --> 00:07:31,258
You want
the lottery director.
170
00:07:33,362 --> 00:07:35,228
Stay alert, my friend.
171
00:07:36,865 --> 00:07:40,200
Uh, hello. We're the Conners.
We have an appointment.
172
00:07:40,269 --> 00:07:42,969
Oh, hello, hello!
So this is the lucky couple!
173
00:07:43,037 --> 00:07:45,105
I'm Mr. Russo.
Boy, I bet you're excited.
174
00:07:45,174 --> 00:07:46,272
We were up all night.
175
00:07:46,342 --> 00:07:47,675
So was I.
176
00:07:47,744 --> 00:07:50,043
You know, your win,
should it prove valid,
177
00:07:50,111 --> 00:07:52,713
would be the high point
of my prize dispersement
career.
178
00:07:52,781 --> 00:07:56,082
Man, you guys
are so much nicer here
179
00:07:56,151 --> 00:07:57,917
than at the unemployment
office.
180
00:07:59,187 --> 00:08:00,388
I already took the liberty
181
00:08:00,456 --> 00:08:02,155
of filling out
the claim form there.
182
00:08:02,225 --> 00:08:03,424
Good, good, good.
183
00:08:03,493 --> 00:08:05,292
And thanks
for pressing hard.
184
00:08:06,595 --> 00:08:08,296
Now,
I'm going to have to match
185
00:08:08,364 --> 00:08:09,864
the validation number
on your ticket.
186
00:08:09,932 --> 00:08:11,665
Yes, sir.
187
00:08:11,734 --> 00:08:13,667
Well, Dan, looks
like we will be going
188
00:08:13,736 --> 00:08:16,503
to our next
high school reunion.
189
00:08:16,572 --> 00:08:18,272
All right, now I need
some identification.
190
00:08:18,340 --> 00:08:20,640
Yes, sir, absolutely.
We are us.
191
00:08:20,710 --> 00:08:22,409
I didn't know
what to bring here.
192
00:08:22,478 --> 00:08:23,911
I got the birth certificate,
license,
193
00:08:23,980 --> 00:08:25,345
social security number.
194
00:08:25,414 --> 00:08:26,614
That's my fishing license.
195
00:08:26,683 --> 00:08:28,650
Yeah, and-- and--
and-- and, uh,
196
00:08:28,718 --> 00:08:31,819
that key card there,
that unlocks Room 411
197
00:08:31,887 --> 00:08:34,222
at the Pine Tree
Motor Lodge.
198
00:08:34,292 --> 00:08:37,024
Well, on behalf
of the State of Illinois,
199
00:08:37,093 --> 00:08:38,360
let me congratulate you.
200
00:08:38,429 --> 00:08:41,463
You have just won
the largest lottery
in our history!
201
00:08:41,532 --> 00:08:43,731
Oh! Thank you,
thank you, thank you!
202
00:08:48,572 --> 00:08:50,272
I hope you folks
don't mind posing
203
00:08:50,341 --> 00:08:51,540
for a few
publicity photos.
204
00:08:51,608 --> 00:08:53,008
Look at all
the paparazzi.
205
00:08:53,077 --> 00:08:54,743
That guy's
with the Enquirer.
206
00:08:54,812 --> 00:08:57,546
Hey, I didn't know
the legitimate press
was gonna be here.
207
00:08:57,615 --> 00:08:58,814
All right, now smile.
208
00:09:00,585 --> 00:09:02,017
All right.
That's enough.
That's enough.
209
00:09:02,085 --> 00:09:03,720
Now, we're gonna be
sending these photos
210
00:09:03,789 --> 00:09:04,920
along with a press release,
211
00:09:04,989 --> 00:09:06,922
so you're gonna be
bombarded by the media.
212
00:09:06,991 --> 00:09:08,891
Why? We didn't
grow a squash
213
00:09:08,960 --> 00:09:11,193
that looks like Dole
or nothing.
214
00:09:13,564 --> 00:09:15,331
Yeah, Mr. Russo,
you know,
215
00:09:15,399 --> 00:09:16,765
not to be piggy
or nothing,
216
00:09:16,834 --> 00:09:18,634
but, uh...
217
00:09:18,702 --> 00:09:21,037
when do we get
the real check?
218
00:09:21,106 --> 00:09:22,138
That'll be right along.
219
00:09:22,207 --> 00:09:24,007
It should take
about four or five weeks.
220
00:09:24,076 --> 00:09:25,842
Four or five weeks?
Really?
221
00:09:25,911 --> 00:09:28,978
Uh, well, we were gonna take
the family out for ice cream.
222
00:09:29,047 --> 00:09:31,314
Now what the hell
are we supposed to do?
223
00:09:36,955 --> 00:09:39,523
Damn. I ain't never
seen this room so bright.
224
00:09:39,592 --> 00:09:41,392
Yeah.
I think people who read
225
00:09:41,461 --> 00:09:43,494
would really
like this place.
226
00:09:43,563 --> 00:09:45,495
Hi. I'm Kathleen Sullivan.
227
00:09:45,565 --> 00:09:47,765
Hi. Roseanne and Dan.
228
00:09:47,833 --> 00:09:48,966
[snicker]
229
00:09:49,035 --> 00:09:51,602
Congratulations.
Take a seat.
230
00:09:51,671 --> 00:09:52,603
Okay.
231
00:09:55,407 --> 00:09:57,474
Now, we'll just start
whenever you're
comfortable.
232
00:09:57,543 --> 00:10:00,845
Okay. Put this mike
here on Mom.
233
00:10:02,281 --> 00:10:03,580
Yeah. Okay.
234
00:10:03,649 --> 00:10:05,316
Yeah. Okay.
235
00:10:05,384 --> 00:10:07,251
No.
That feels phony, Dan.
236
00:10:09,055 --> 00:10:10,721
This is Kathleen Sullivan
237
00:10:10,790 --> 00:10:12,424
on remote
in America's heartland,
238
00:10:12,492 --> 00:10:13,724
Lanford, Illinois,
239
00:10:13,793 --> 00:10:15,225
where two hardworking
240
00:10:15,294 --> 00:10:18,430
self-described
regular folks
241
00:10:18,498 --> 00:10:20,163
have just won
the biggest lottery
242
00:10:20,234 --> 00:10:22,367
in Illinois State
history.
243
00:10:22,436 --> 00:10:25,269
So, Roseanne
and Dan Conner,
244
00:10:25,338 --> 00:10:28,640
how does it feel
to be worth more
than $100 million?
245
00:10:28,708 --> 00:10:31,809
Well, I feel
like a million bucks.
246
00:10:31,878 --> 00:10:34,478
I guess
I've sold myself short.
247
00:10:39,219 --> 00:10:41,319
So tell us,
you two luckbirds,
248
00:10:41,388 --> 00:10:43,088
who are Roseanne
and Dan Conner?
249
00:10:43,156 --> 00:10:44,088
Well--
Well--
250
00:10:44,158 --> 00:10:45,858
we were born
in Lanford--
251
00:10:45,926 --> 00:10:47,527
Yeah, we were born
here in Lanford.
252
00:10:47,595 --> 00:10:49,462
High school sweethearts.
Went to Lanford High School.
253
00:10:49,531 --> 00:10:50,663
Yeah.
Met in high school.
254
00:10:50,731 --> 00:10:51,864
It was about 10th grade.
255
00:10:51,932 --> 00:10:52,865
10th grade.
256
00:10:52,933 --> 00:10:53,966
Uh, played football.
257
00:10:54,035 --> 00:10:56,101
He played football,
we met, and--
258
00:10:56,171 --> 00:10:57,537
Got married, had kids--
259
00:10:57,605 --> 00:10:58,737
We have, uh, four kids.
260
00:10:58,806 --> 00:11:00,673
Moved into this house.
Put that linoleum in.
261
00:11:00,741 --> 00:11:01,874
He did all the work.
262
00:11:01,942 --> 00:11:04,044
Then we got the knickknacks.
Put the art up.
263
00:11:04,112 --> 00:11:05,244
Yeah.
Then here we are.
264
00:11:05,313 --> 00:11:06,312
Here we are.
265
00:11:08,182 --> 00:11:10,282
Why don't we meet
the rest of the family?
266
00:11:10,351 --> 00:11:11,450
Oh, yeah, definitely.
267
00:11:11,518 --> 00:11:14,187
Kids, come on down.
Come on in here.
268
00:11:14,255 --> 00:11:15,955
Come on!
269
00:11:19,060 --> 00:11:21,994
Okay. Uh, this is
our daughter Darlene
270
00:11:22,063 --> 00:11:23,397
and her husband David.
271
00:11:23,466 --> 00:11:25,998
Uh, they're--
272
00:11:26,067 --> 00:11:27,367
they're vegetarians,
273
00:11:27,436 --> 00:11:28,802
so they don't
have the strength
274
00:11:28,871 --> 00:11:30,804
to hold their heads up.
275
00:11:30,873 --> 00:11:33,306
And, uh...
276
00:11:33,375 --> 00:11:35,576
this is our oldest
daughter Becky
277
00:11:35,644 --> 00:11:36,743
and her husband Mark.
278
00:11:36,812 --> 00:11:38,378
Uh, I'm Mark.
279
00:11:40,449 --> 00:11:41,547
And this is
280
00:11:41,617 --> 00:11:42,649
our son D.J.
281
00:11:42,718 --> 00:11:43,985
and our little baby
Jerry here.
282
00:11:44,053 --> 00:11:45,052
Give me the baby.
283
00:11:45,121 --> 00:11:46,453
Give me the baby.
284
00:11:47,957 --> 00:11:48,889
Aw.
285
00:11:48,958 --> 00:11:50,224
What'd
you do to him?
286
00:11:50,292 --> 00:11:51,726
I-- I--
287
00:11:53,796 --> 00:11:54,895
Oh, I'm sorry.
288
00:11:54,964 --> 00:11:56,664
And this is Mrs. Harris,
289
00:11:56,733 --> 00:11:58,766
the, uh, woman
who raised me.
290
00:11:58,835 --> 00:12:01,201
Hello, America, hello.
291
00:12:01,271 --> 00:12:02,637
And my sister Jackie.
292
00:12:02,705 --> 00:12:04,505
I helped pick the numbers.
293
00:12:06,009 --> 00:12:08,509
So there you are,
ladies and gentlemen:
294
00:12:08,578 --> 00:12:10,578
the lucky family.
295
00:12:10,647 --> 00:12:12,079
But tell us,
296
00:12:12,148 --> 00:12:14,615
how do you think
the lottery's gonna
change your lives?
297
00:12:14,684 --> 00:12:16,417
Well, not much.
298
00:12:16,486 --> 00:12:17,618
We're probably
just gonna be
299
00:12:17,687 --> 00:12:19,054
the same people
we always were.
300
00:12:19,122 --> 00:12:21,056
Yeah. Only happy.
301
00:12:31,267 --> 00:12:34,035
They ought to make
this caviar bigger.
302
00:12:34,104 --> 00:12:37,873
One jar barely fits
on one cracker.
303
00:12:37,942 --> 00:12:39,942
Wow. This is the first
party we've had
304
00:12:40,009 --> 00:12:41,610
where D.J.
wasn't in the bedroom
305
00:12:41,679 --> 00:12:43,578
going through
coat pockets.
306
00:12:43,647 --> 00:12:45,914
And that's the way
it's gonna be
from now on.
307
00:12:45,984 --> 00:12:47,316
More meat, son.
308
00:12:48,785 --> 00:12:50,319
This meat
doesn't look right.
309
00:12:50,388 --> 00:12:52,488
I mean, where's
all the white shiny stuff?
310
00:12:54,558 --> 00:12:56,492
This is lean meat, son.
311
00:12:56,560 --> 00:12:59,394
Our 22% days
are over with.
312
00:12:59,463 --> 00:13:02,832
Hey, hey, Dan, go ahead
and show him that lobster
313
00:13:02,900 --> 00:13:05,334
and that fancy meat
where the bone's still in it.
314
00:13:05,404 --> 00:13:08,905
No, no. The lad's
seen enough for one day.
315
00:13:08,973 --> 00:13:12,175
Hey. I got the plastic
champagne glasses.
316
00:13:12,244 --> 00:13:13,643
Did you get
the expensive ones?
317
00:13:13,712 --> 00:13:16,011
5.99 a dozen.
318
00:13:17,349 --> 00:13:20,516
D.J., run these burgers
out to Mark,
319
00:13:20,585 --> 00:13:22,618
and I'm gonna go
entertain our guests.
320
00:13:22,687 --> 00:13:24,020
[phone rings]
321
00:13:24,089 --> 00:13:25,989
Yeah. Hello.
322
00:13:26,057 --> 00:13:29,826
Uh, no, I'm sorry.
We don't have an Uncle Sid.
323
00:13:29,895 --> 00:13:31,862
Or an Uncle George.
324
00:13:31,930 --> 00:13:35,298
And no Charlie.
Strike 3, lunch meat.
325
00:13:37,369 --> 00:13:41,705
Man, brand names
are so colorful.
326
00:13:41,774 --> 00:13:43,940
Oh, you got champagne!
327
00:13:44,009 --> 00:13:46,443
And it's out of state.
328
00:13:48,182 --> 00:13:49,613
It's so incredible.
329
00:13:49,682 --> 00:13:51,548
I even went to that
fancy market today,
330
00:13:51,617 --> 00:13:53,483
and for the first time
in my life
331
00:13:53,552 --> 00:13:54,920
I didn't
hold up the line
332
00:13:54,988 --> 00:13:56,453
by paying with coupons.
333
00:13:56,522 --> 00:13:57,889
You paid full price
for everything?
334
00:13:57,958 --> 00:13:59,057
No, not everything.
335
00:13:59,125 --> 00:14:01,826
They threw in the bottle
of champagne for free
336
00:14:01,895 --> 00:14:03,061
because
they recognized me.
337
00:14:03,130 --> 00:14:04,062
No!
338
00:14:04,131 --> 00:14:05,462
It's so awesome.
339
00:14:05,531 --> 00:14:07,866
And then, when Dan went
down to get the charcoal,
340
00:14:07,934 --> 00:14:09,299
the guy
throws in a hibachi
341
00:14:09,368 --> 00:14:12,037
and a free set
of those kabob pokers.
342
00:14:14,708 --> 00:14:17,609
Wow, this pregnancy thing
really bites.
343
00:14:17,677 --> 00:14:19,344
I'm gonna start crying
again.
344
00:14:19,413 --> 00:14:21,246
Oh, that's nothing.
345
00:14:21,315 --> 00:14:23,781
Wait till you start
peeing when you laugh.
346
00:14:27,554 --> 00:14:28,719
Or sneeze.
347
00:14:28,788 --> 00:14:30,088
Yeah.
348
00:14:30,157 --> 00:14:32,158
Or blink.
349
00:14:33,560 --> 00:14:34,492
[phone rings]
350
00:14:34,561 --> 00:14:36,428
I got this one.
351
00:14:38,131 --> 00:14:39,231
Hello.
352
00:14:39,300 --> 00:14:41,200
Uh-huh.
353
00:14:41,269 --> 00:14:43,869
No, I'm sorry. We've already
committed to a charity.
354
00:14:43,938 --> 00:14:45,337
We just bought 500 bottles
355
00:14:45,406 --> 00:14:47,139
of Paul Newman's
salad dressing.
356
00:14:50,277 --> 00:14:51,677
Hey, Leon,
come on over here
357
00:14:51,746 --> 00:14:53,980
and help yourself
to some caviar.
358
00:14:54,049 --> 00:14:56,748
You really did win
the lottery.
359
00:14:56,817 --> 00:14:58,451
I just had to come over
360
00:14:58,519 --> 00:15:02,621
and see if my worst
nightmare did come true,
361
00:15:02,690 --> 00:15:04,790
and in fact, it has.
362
00:15:04,858 --> 00:15:08,561
So I am now...in hell.
363
00:15:10,398 --> 00:15:12,365
Kill me.
364
00:15:12,434 --> 00:15:14,267
Well, I'm kind of busy
right now, Leon,
365
00:15:14,336 --> 00:15:16,369
but go on in the kitchen
and help yourself
366
00:15:16,438 --> 00:15:17,805
to what's
ever under the sink.
367
00:15:19,074 --> 00:15:21,375
[phone rings]
368
00:15:21,443 --> 00:15:22,609
Hello.
369
00:15:22,678 --> 00:15:25,078
Uh, gee,
I-- I don't know. Uh--
370
00:15:25,146 --> 00:15:27,080
Oh, D.J.,
just hang up on him.
371
00:15:27,148 --> 00:15:29,116
What do they want now?
372
00:15:29,184 --> 00:15:30,550
How am I
supposed to know?
373
00:15:30,619 --> 00:15:31,718
Nana Mary
just started talking
374
00:15:31,787 --> 00:15:33,387
when you told me
to hang up.
375
00:15:34,956 --> 00:15:37,024
Roseanne, Roseanne, Roseanne,
376
00:15:37,092 --> 00:15:39,792
I still can't get over
your windfall.
377
00:15:39,862 --> 00:15:41,896
Well, I owe it
all to you, Mom.
378
00:15:41,965 --> 00:15:43,832
I mean, if you would
have encouraged me
379
00:15:43,900 --> 00:15:45,498
to do something
useful with my life,
380
00:15:45,567 --> 00:15:47,401
this never
would have happened.
381
00:15:47,470 --> 00:15:49,737
Thank you, dear.
382
00:15:49,806 --> 00:15:51,506
And I want you to know
383
00:15:51,575 --> 00:15:55,142
that all that money
I lent you over the years--
384
00:15:55,211 --> 00:15:58,045
well, there's no need
to give it a moment's thought.
385
00:15:58,114 --> 00:16:00,014
Oh, I never have.
386
00:16:00,082 --> 00:16:03,317
Hey, there's
a bunch of people
387
00:16:03,386 --> 00:16:04,619
looking over the back fence,
388
00:16:04,688 --> 00:16:06,054
trying to take our picture.
389
00:16:06,122 --> 00:16:07,354
Ah,
don't worry about it.
390
00:16:07,423 --> 00:16:09,190
They can't use
any of it, man.
391
00:16:09,258 --> 00:16:10,424
I was mooning 'em
392
00:16:10,493 --> 00:16:12,393
and flipping them
the bird the whole time.
393
00:16:16,066 --> 00:16:17,532
What's going on
around here?
394
00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:19,702
Well, you know, the guy
at the prize office
395
00:16:19,770 --> 00:16:20,969
warned us
this might happen.
396
00:16:21,038 --> 00:16:24,373
Hey, everybody, it's time
to toast Dan and Roseanne
397
00:16:24,441 --> 00:16:26,876
on their great fortune.
398
00:16:26,944 --> 00:16:29,978
No, no, no, no.
Please, allow me.
399
00:16:30,047 --> 00:16:31,780
To the Conners.
400
00:16:31,849 --> 00:16:34,082
I say, and I quote.
401
00:16:34,151 --> 00:16:36,318
To know what God
thinks of money,
402
00:16:36,387 --> 00:16:37,986
one only
has to look at those
403
00:16:38,055 --> 00:16:40,290
to whom
He has given it.
404
00:16:47,032 --> 00:16:47,998
Thanks, Leon.
405
00:16:49,366 --> 00:16:50,732
You guys have got to look.
406
00:16:50,802 --> 00:16:52,802
There's, like, over
a hundred people out there.
407
00:16:55,506 --> 00:16:58,241
Isn't it wonderful being rich?
408
00:16:58,310 --> 00:17:00,243
I've finally
risen above the people
409
00:17:00,312 --> 00:17:02,678
I long knew
were my inferiors.
410
00:17:02,747 --> 00:17:05,015
I'm as giddy as a schoolgirl.
411
00:17:05,083 --> 00:17:07,583
Make that
a private school girl.
412
00:17:07,653 --> 00:17:09,252
Okay, Mom,
time to go out
413
00:17:09,320 --> 00:17:12,088
and lay on the lawn
and take a nap.
414
00:17:12,157 --> 00:17:14,724
Boy, is this
causing a traffic jam.
415
00:17:14,793 --> 00:17:17,661
Well, I told you to take
those Christmas lights down.
416
00:17:25,303 --> 00:17:27,604
You know, Roseanne,
I was just thinking.
417
00:17:27,673 --> 00:17:30,007
You may have the pleasure
of winning all this money,
418
00:17:30,076 --> 00:17:32,342
but I will have
the sheer delight
419
00:17:32,411 --> 00:17:34,178
of watching you
blow it all
420
00:17:34,246 --> 00:17:36,881
on collectible plates.
421
00:17:36,950 --> 00:17:40,184
Collectible plates
are in the past, Leon.
422
00:17:40,253 --> 00:17:45,790
The future is all about
Star Trek signature
coffee mugs.
423
00:17:45,859 --> 00:17:49,526
Hey! Hey!
It's a great party!
424
00:17:49,595 --> 00:17:50,862
I forgot to mention,
425
00:17:50,930 --> 00:17:53,731
don't spend it all
in one place.
426
00:17:53,799 --> 00:17:55,699
Okay. Okay.
427
00:17:55,768 --> 00:17:57,302
Oh, pheasant!
428
00:17:57,370 --> 00:18:00,339
That's what
this party needs:
pheasant!
429
00:18:03,944 --> 00:18:06,443
Dan, can I see you
in the kitchen?
430
00:18:06,512 --> 00:18:07,645
Well, it was--
Now.
431
00:18:07,714 --> 00:18:10,182
...great talking to you
again. Really great.
432
00:18:10,250 --> 00:18:12,350
Who in the hell was I
just talking to?
433
00:18:12,419 --> 00:18:13,818
I have no idea.
434
00:18:13,887 --> 00:18:15,087
Who are you?
435
00:18:17,223 --> 00:18:19,390
Man, honey,
this is insane.
436
00:18:21,262 --> 00:18:23,027
Dan,
437
00:18:23,097 --> 00:18:25,930
how do you leave a party
when you're the host?
438
00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:27,967
You know,
I think, technically,
439
00:18:28,036 --> 00:18:29,635
if we went
down to the basement,
440
00:18:29,703 --> 00:18:32,038
we wouldn't
be leaving the party.
441
00:18:32,106 --> 00:18:33,472
You're on.
442
00:18:33,541 --> 00:18:34,473
Coming through!
443
00:18:34,542 --> 00:18:35,975
Gangway.
Watch your back.
444
00:18:39,848 --> 00:18:41,347
Privacy.
445
00:18:41,415 --> 00:18:43,116
Sanctuary.
446
00:18:45,587 --> 00:18:47,820
Man, it's quiet in here.
447
00:18:47,888 --> 00:18:50,055
I hate hearing all
these voices, you know?
448
00:18:50,124 --> 00:18:52,024
Unless they're mine.
449
00:18:52,093 --> 00:18:54,293
Yeah. I think
the ringing in my ears
450
00:18:54,362 --> 00:18:56,395
has finally stopped.
451
00:18:56,464 --> 00:18:58,797
It's the first time
we've been alone
together all day.
452
00:18:58,866 --> 00:19:01,000
Yeah.
Well, you know what?
It's real nice.
453
00:19:01,069 --> 00:19:03,869
We could a lot more
of it from now on.
454
00:19:03,939 --> 00:19:05,804
Just hanging out together,
455
00:19:05,874 --> 00:19:07,874
spend every single minute
of the day together.
456
00:19:09,511 --> 00:19:11,044
Uh, yeah.
457
00:19:11,113 --> 00:19:13,113
Well...
458
00:19:13,181 --> 00:19:14,982
you know, it's not
like we're gonna have
459
00:19:15,050 --> 00:19:16,583
all that much
down time, you know.
460
00:19:16,652 --> 00:19:18,452
We're gonna be doing
a lot of things.
461
00:19:18,521 --> 00:19:19,620
We're going
to be shopping,
462
00:19:19,688 --> 00:19:21,955
going to a lot of movies,
a lot of plays,
463
00:19:22,024 --> 00:19:23,023
We'll travel.
464
00:19:23,091 --> 00:19:26,026
We could take one of them
Kathie Lee tours.
465
00:19:28,231 --> 00:19:34,035
Hey. I bet you
we're richer than her now.
466
00:19:34,104 --> 00:19:37,505
Boy, does that put things
into perspective.
467
00:19:39,408 --> 00:19:42,477
Man. So you know
what we really got
to do, though, Dan?
468
00:19:42,545 --> 00:19:43,478
What's that?
469
00:19:43,547 --> 00:19:44,912
We have really got to start
470
00:19:44,981 --> 00:19:46,548
taking better care
of ourselves, you know?
471
00:19:46,615 --> 00:19:48,683
I mean, now that we got
all this money,
472
00:19:48,751 --> 00:19:49,817
I want to live.
473
00:19:52,155 --> 00:19:53,922
Yeah. Me, too.
474
00:19:53,990 --> 00:19:56,757
Uh, how do you go about
doing something like that?
475
00:19:56,826 --> 00:19:58,926
See, I think we'll get
a nutritionist, you know,
476
00:19:58,995 --> 00:20:00,595
and they'll tell us
what to eat,
477
00:20:00,664 --> 00:20:03,097
and then we'll haul in
one of them trainers,
you know,
478
00:20:03,167 --> 00:20:06,000
and they'll just
whip our butts
right into shape.
479
00:20:06,070 --> 00:20:07,302
[laughing]
Yeah.
480
00:20:07,371 --> 00:20:10,838
Yeah. I could be buff
in a couple of months.
481
00:20:13,076 --> 00:20:15,377
Or ten years, whatever.
482
00:20:17,180 --> 00:20:19,214
Man, it is just amazing,
isn't it?
483
00:20:19,283 --> 00:20:20,649
I mean,
we're gonna be part
484
00:20:20,718 --> 00:20:22,851
of the whole
hoity-toity whoop-de-doo.
485
00:20:22,920 --> 00:20:23,952
Yeah.
486
00:20:24,021 --> 00:20:25,521
Well,
remember what I told you
487
00:20:25,589 --> 00:20:26,922
when we started going out?
488
00:20:26,990 --> 00:20:29,725
Stick with me, kid.
I'll have you
farting through silk.
489
00:20:37,067 --> 00:20:38,301
But no matter what happens,
490
00:20:38,369 --> 00:20:40,669
we're just gonna be
the same people.
491
00:20:40,738 --> 00:20:42,938
Same old Dan and Roseanne.
492
00:20:44,476 --> 00:20:47,544
Sitting
on a mountain of cash.
493
00:20:57,155 --> 00:20:58,721
Come with me, Robin Leach,
494
00:20:58,790 --> 00:20:59,989
as we tour the home
495
00:21:00,058 --> 00:21:02,358
of the Duke and Duchess
of Good Fortune.
496
00:21:02,428 --> 00:21:05,261
Lottery winners Dan and Roseanne Conner.
497
00:21:05,331 --> 00:21:08,064
Here is their luxurious Lanford lair.
498
00:21:08,132 --> 00:21:13,137
The decor is a delightful potpourri of American Baroque.
499
00:21:13,206 --> 00:21:16,740
The carpet is a beautiful polyester fiber.
500
00:21:16,809 --> 00:21:19,509
It's no longer made, for health reasons.
501
00:21:19,578 --> 00:21:23,815
And this is the crown
jewel of our collection.
502
00:21:23,883 --> 00:21:26,050
And what a jewel it is!
503
00:21:26,118 --> 00:21:28,352
All wings of the house meet here
504
00:21:28,420 --> 00:21:29,987
at the entertainment center,
505
00:21:30,056 --> 00:21:31,689
where Dan and Roseanne relax
506
00:21:31,758 --> 00:21:34,959
after a long day of counting their lucre.
507
00:21:36,463 --> 00:21:40,798
We have all
the Barnaby Jones tapes.
508
00:21:40,867 --> 00:21:45,135
We relax by watching an episode from Season 3.
509
00:21:51,378 --> 00:21:53,178
As the day drew to a close,
510
00:21:53,247 --> 00:21:54,445
Roseanne proved
511
00:21:54,514 --> 00:21:56,748
just why she's famous for her hospitality
512
00:21:56,816 --> 00:21:58,616
from Manhattan to Marrakech.
513
00:21:58,685 --> 00:22:00,451
Want a sandwich?
514
00:22:01,588 --> 00:22:03,154
No lover of fine food
515
00:22:03,223 --> 00:22:04,757
could resist such an offer.
516
00:22:04,825 --> 00:22:05,991
I'm Robin Leach
517
00:22:06,059 --> 00:22:10,028
with beer wishes
and nacho dreams.
518
00:22:13,401 --> 00:22:16,335
Closed-Captioned By
J.R. Media Services, Inc.
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