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(THEME MUSIC)
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00:00:10,211 --> 00:00:12,746
Sometimes the world
looks perfect
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00:00:13,914 --> 00:00:16,184
Nothing to rearrange
4
00:00:16,250 --> 00:00:19,187
Sometimes you just
get a feeling
5
00:00:19,253 --> 00:00:22,390
Like you need
some kind of change
6
00:00:27,295 --> 00:00:29,497
Nothing's gonna
stand in my way
7
00:00:29,563 --> 00:00:31,165
This flame in my heart
8
00:00:31,232 --> 00:00:32,766
Like a long lost friend
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00:00:32,833 --> 00:00:36,670
Gives every dark street
a light at the end
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00:00:38,005 --> 00:00:41,041
Standing tall
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00:00:41,109 --> 00:00:44,878
On the wings of my dream
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Rise and fall
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00:00:47,981 --> 00:00:51,585
On the wings of my dream
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00:00:51,652 --> 00:00:54,588
The rain and thunder
the wind and haze
15
00:00:54,655 --> 00:00:58,192
I'm bound for better days
16
00:00:58,259 --> 00:01:01,462
It's my life and my dream
17
00:01:01,529 --> 00:01:05,133
And nothing's gonna
stop me now
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BALKI:
Look at this, Ms. Lydia.
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I'm running for
Student Body President
20
00:01:24,952 --> 00:01:26,454
at the Chicago City College.
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00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:28,989
Ah!
Balki, that's terrific.
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00:01:29,056 --> 00:01:30,291
Yeah.
How's it going?
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00:01:30,358 --> 00:01:32,693
Oh, just as sleazy as pie.
24
00:01:35,062 --> 00:01:36,497
Just like campaigning
on Mypos.
25
00:01:36,564 --> 00:01:38,098
All you have to do
is make sure
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00:01:38,166 --> 00:01:39,833
that everyone knows
how you feel
27
00:01:39,900 --> 00:01:43,404
about the important issues.
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00:01:43,471 --> 00:01:46,174
that I'm pro-sheep
and anti-wolf.
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00:01:48,409 --> 00:01:50,077
Coming out against wolves
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00:01:50,144 --> 00:01:53,113
is a good start, Balki.
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00:01:53,181 --> 00:01:55,383
But, uh, maybe you should ask
Larry to help you.
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00:01:55,449 --> 00:02:00,053
Yeah.
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00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:01,822
that I'm, that I'm running.
34
00:02:01,889 --> 00:02:04,225
Oh, well, if you tell him,
I'm sure he'd help you
35
00:02:04,292 --> 00:02:06,294
with your campaign,
why don't you ask him?
36
00:02:06,360 --> 00:02:10,298
(CHUCKLES)
Well, because if I, uh
37
00:02:10,364 --> 00:02:12,500
if I ask Cousin Larry
to help me
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00:02:12,566 --> 00:02:15,903
with my campaign,
um, I'm sort of afraid
39
00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:18,772
Cousin Larry will
help me
40
00:02:18,839 --> 00:02:20,208
with my campaign.
41
00:02:22,576 --> 00:02:23,944
Uh, I don't know
if you've noticed
42
00:02:24,011 --> 00:02:26,180
but Cousin Larry
43
00:02:26,247 --> 00:02:28,216
he's trying
to be helpful
44
00:02:28,282 --> 00:02:30,351
but-but he tends
to go overboard.
45
00:02:30,418 --> 00:02:33,221
He's kind of
a type-A personality.
46
00:02:34,822 --> 00:02:36,490
So, I-I-I beg of you
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00:02:36,557 --> 00:02:39,260
please, promise me,
you won't tell Cousin Larry?
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00:02:39,327 --> 00:02:42,930
A team of wild horses
couldn't drag it out of me.
49
00:02:42,996 --> 00:02:44,698
Thank you, Ms. Lydia.
50
00:02:44,765 --> 00:02:47,801
Of course, the sweaty cowboy
pulling the reins
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might have a shot.
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00:02:54,775 --> 00:02:56,176
Hi, Balki.
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00:02:57,411 --> 00:03:00,113
Oh, I see you're running
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00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:01,915
for Student Body President.
55
00:03:03,884 --> 00:03:07,655
Oh, good luck
with your campaign--
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00:03:07,721 --> 00:03:09,790
no matter what you do,
there is absolutely
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00:03:09,857 --> 00:03:12,192
no way that I'm...
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00:03:12,260 --> 00:03:14,528
What did you just say?
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00:03:14,595 --> 00:03:17,164
I said, "Good luck
with your campaign."
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00:03:17,231 --> 00:03:19,833
Well, bang my bongos
and call me Daisy.
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00:03:23,337 --> 00:03:25,873
You mean to say that, that
you're not gonna force yourself
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00:03:25,939 --> 00:03:28,008
into my campaign and,
and then go overboard
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00:03:28,075 --> 00:03:30,944
and make yourself
a royal pain in the boingi?
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00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:34,815
Oh!
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00:03:34,882 --> 00:03:36,650
Oh, I see.
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00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:40,254
I see, you think
because I lost
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00:03:40,321 --> 00:03:42,890
every campaign
I managed in school
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00:03:42,956 --> 00:03:45,826
that I would see your campaign
as my last chance
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00:03:45,893 --> 00:03:47,828
to be a winner.
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00:03:50,130 --> 00:03:52,433
You lost every single campaign?
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00:03:55,903 --> 00:03:58,472
Uh, it used to bother me,
but I'm over it.
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00:03:58,539 --> 00:04:02,776
Those 120 hours
of self-help tapes cured me.
73
00:04:06,213 --> 00:04:08,449
to win just once.
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00:04:12,553 --> 00:04:14,087
So...good luck.
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00:04:14,154 --> 00:04:16,223
I hope you win.
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00:04:16,290 --> 00:04:18,326
Wait one
finger-lickin' moment.
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00:04:18,392 --> 00:04:21,429
Are you telling me
that we can discuss this
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00:04:21,495 --> 00:04:23,864
and your eyes won't
bulge out of your head
79
00:04:23,931 --> 00:04:27,701
and that vein in your forehead
won't start throbbing?
80
00:04:27,768 --> 00:04:29,002
Oh, sure.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
81
00:04:29,069 --> 00:04:31,138
Oh, that syndrome
is covered in tapes
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00:04:31,204 --> 00:04:34,007
one through 43,
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00:04:34,074 --> 00:04:38,312
"Coping and being at peace
with your body."
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00:04:38,379 --> 00:04:41,315
"My body is like a hollow reed.
85
00:04:41,382 --> 00:04:43,817
Troubles blow through me
like the wind."
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00:04:43,884 --> 00:04:46,820
(INHALES)
87
00:04:48,822 --> 00:04:49,823
(WHISTLES)
88
00:04:56,229 --> 00:04:58,298
Okay.
Uh, well, cousin, I...
89
00:04:58,366 --> 00:05:00,267
I'm glad you've
weathered that storm
90
00:05:00,334 --> 00:05:02,770
because I'd love to
tell you about my campaign.
91
00:05:02,836 --> 00:05:04,137
Well, I'd love to
hear about it.
92
00:05:04,204 --> 00:05:06,139
Well, um, if I'm elected
93
00:05:06,206 --> 00:05:08,842
my goal is to reinstate
the language requirement.
94
00:05:08,909 --> 00:05:10,411
That means
every student have to
95
00:05:10,478 --> 00:05:12,079
take a foreign language
to graduate.
96
00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:14,515
I feel that we'll all understand
each other better
97
00:05:14,582 --> 00:05:17,451
if we can speak
in another man's tongue,
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00:05:17,518 --> 00:05:20,554
walk in another man's shoes
99
00:05:20,621 --> 00:05:23,657
see the world through
another man's binoculars,
100
00:05:25,559 --> 00:05:28,396
cure another man's ham...
101
00:05:33,901 --> 00:05:35,869
I'm still fine-tuning
my platform.
102
00:05:37,571 --> 00:05:39,673
You call that a platform?
Okay, here it is!
103
00:05:39,740 --> 00:05:41,241
I knew it was coming!
104
00:05:41,308 --> 00:05:44,712
(SPEAKING MYPOSIAN)
105
00:05:47,515 --> 00:05:48,982
No, wait, no. I know.
I know.
106
00:05:49,049 --> 00:05:52,620
You thought that I was
just gonna jump in and go crazy
107
00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:55,322
but I was only asking,
if that's your platform.
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00:05:55,389 --> 00:05:56,824
And if it is...
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00:05:58,258 --> 00:05:59,660
...I hope it works for you.
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00:06:01,395 --> 00:06:02,663
Really?
Really.
111
00:06:04,097 --> 00:06:08,268
Aw, thank you, cousin.
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00:06:08,335 --> 00:06:09,537
I haven't even started baking
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00:06:09,603 --> 00:06:11,739
my special election
spleen chip cookies.
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00:06:11,805 --> 00:06:14,442
Spleen chip cookies?
Yeah, original recipe.
115
00:06:14,508 --> 00:06:16,644
And now with pimentos.
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00:06:21,549 --> 00:06:23,083
Well, well...
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00:06:37,931 --> 00:06:41,168
You know, Balki, uh,
I don't want you to think
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00:06:41,234 --> 00:06:42,970
that I'm getting involved
in your campaign
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00:06:43,036 --> 00:06:44,505
because I'm not.
Really.
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00:06:44,572 --> 00:06:47,741
But as
a disinterested bystander,
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00:06:47,808 --> 00:06:51,679
uh, would you allow me to say
that spleen chip cookies
122
00:06:51,745 --> 00:06:54,247
are not gonna be enough
to, to get you elected.
123
00:06:54,314 --> 00:06:56,149
Well, of course they're not.
124
00:06:56,216 --> 00:06:58,452
Don't be ridiculous.
125
00:06:58,519 --> 00:07:00,287
That's why each student
gets a special
126
00:07:00,353 --> 00:07:02,890
"Vote for Balki"
sheep kidney coin pouch.
127
00:07:04,324 --> 00:07:05,559
Oh, no, no.
Don't touch, cousin.
128
00:07:05,626 --> 00:07:07,495
It's not quite dry yet.
129
00:07:10,698 --> 00:07:15,002
Balki, sheep kidney coin
pouches and spleen chip cookies
130
00:07:15,068 --> 00:07:17,738
with or without pimentos,
may work on Mypos
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00:07:17,805 --> 00:07:21,475
but in America,
you need slogans
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00:07:21,542 --> 00:07:23,511
buttons, posters,
position papers.
133
00:07:23,577 --> 00:07:25,513
We have got to set up
meetings with the voters.
134
00:07:25,579 --> 00:07:26,647
We're gonna have to,
did I say "We?"
135
00:07:26,714 --> 00:07:28,816
Because I meant "You."
You.
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00:07:30,250 --> 00:07:33,086
This is your campaign.
Not mine. I wouldn't do it.
137
00:07:33,153 --> 00:07:34,822
(CHUCKLES)
I put all that behind me.
138
00:07:34,888 --> 00:07:37,290
(CHUCKLES)
No, no way. No how.
139
00:07:37,357 --> 00:07:39,292
Not in a million years.
140
00:07:39,359 --> 00:07:40,661
Don't need it, don't want it,
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00:07:40,728 --> 00:07:42,262
wouldn't do it,
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00:07:42,329 --> 00:07:43,731
not this guy.
143
00:07:45,599 --> 00:07:47,501
You want in,
don't you, cousin?
144
00:07:50,804 --> 00:07:53,707
Please, please, please.
145
00:07:55,876 --> 00:07:58,546
Okay, okay. You can be
my campaign manager.
146
00:07:58,612 --> 00:08:00,714
Oh, thank you!
Thank you! Thank you!
147
00:08:00,781 --> 00:08:02,750
But you have to
promise me one thing.
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00:08:02,816 --> 00:08:06,186
Anything.
You won't go overboard.
149
00:08:06,253 --> 00:08:09,222
I promise
I won't go overboard.
150
00:08:09,289 --> 00:08:10,490
Oh.
151
00:08:13,927 --> 00:08:16,864
(DRUM BEATS)
152
00:08:25,438 --> 00:08:28,175
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
153
00:08:34,748 --> 00:08:36,784
Balki, I'm glad you're here.
154
00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:40,788
Let me show you
around campaign headquarters.
155
00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:43,323
You promised me, you were
not going to go overboard.
156
00:08:43,390 --> 00:08:44,892
And here you are
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00:08:44,958 --> 00:08:47,595
scraping barnacles
off the Titanic!
158
00:08:49,730 --> 00:08:53,000
Balki, this is just
a bare minimum.
159
00:08:53,066 --> 00:08:54,568
We have posters
with your picture
160
00:08:54,635 --> 00:08:55,869
we're putting up
all over campus.
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00:08:55,936 --> 00:08:57,504
We have people calling students
162
00:08:57,571 --> 00:08:59,206
urging them to vote for you.
163
00:08:59,272 --> 00:09:01,575
We have volunteers
stuffing campaign literature
164
00:09:01,642 --> 00:09:03,076
into envelopes.
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00:09:03,143 --> 00:09:05,045
"Dear fellow student..."
No time now.
166
00:09:05,112 --> 00:09:06,513
You can read
what you said later.
167
00:09:06,580 --> 00:09:08,515
Have you noticed
168
00:09:08,582 --> 00:09:11,819
how handsome you look
in the poster?
169
00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:15,122
Oh, cousin,
it's a real Kojak moment.
170
00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:19,292
Now, over here,
we are tallying
171
00:09:19,359 --> 00:09:21,261
the latest results
of a poll we've just taken.
172
00:09:21,328 --> 00:09:24,097
I want to know how much
of a lead I have built for you.
173
00:09:24,164 --> 00:09:26,767
I'm good, Balki.
I am really good.
174
00:09:27,735 --> 00:09:31,304
Balki, this is so exciting.
175
00:09:31,371 --> 00:09:33,841
And I'm gonna be
First Girlfriend.
176
00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:36,143
I've recruited
Jennifer and Mary Anne
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00:09:36,209 --> 00:09:37,645
Oh, I'm gonna speak
on your behalf
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00:09:37,711 --> 00:09:39,046
at the women
in College Foundation.
179
00:09:39,112 --> 00:09:40,681
And I'm talking
to the cheerleaders.
180
00:09:40,748 --> 00:09:41,982
I speak their language.
181
00:09:44,017 --> 00:09:46,486
Give me a B!
ALL: B!
182
00:09:46,553 --> 00:09:48,355
Give me an A!
ALL: A!
183
00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:51,391
Give me an L!
ALL: L!
184
00:09:51,458 --> 00:09:53,694
That's good. Save it, save it,
save it for the rally.
185
00:09:56,864 --> 00:10:00,467
Cousin, are all
of these people
186
00:10:00,533 --> 00:10:04,972
going to stay to dinner?
187
00:10:05,038 --> 00:10:07,841
and you know how hard
it is to stretch snout.
188
00:10:09,710 --> 00:10:11,078
Balki, they're not
staying for dinner.
189
00:10:11,144 --> 00:10:14,014
These are your campaign
working volunteers.
190
00:10:14,081 --> 00:10:17,317
They believe in you.
They love you.
191
00:10:17,384 --> 00:10:18,385
(CHUCKLES)
192
00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:26,426
Now, your job
is just to be yourself.
193
00:10:26,493 --> 00:10:28,528
Just...be Balki.
194
00:10:28,595 --> 00:10:31,331
You think you can handle that?
Well, of course I can.
195
00:10:31,398 --> 00:10:32,632
Don't be ridiculous.
196
00:10:32,700 --> 00:10:34,334
I've got the vest, the accent
197
00:10:34,401 --> 00:10:36,036
and 26 years
of experience.
198
00:10:37,070 --> 00:10:38,471
I knew you could do it.
199
00:10:38,538 --> 00:10:40,307
Oh, cousin,
I'm gonna need your advice.
200
00:10:40,373 --> 00:10:42,876
You've got to tell me
which vest do you think
201
00:10:42,943 --> 00:10:45,178
I should wear to the debate.
202
00:10:45,245 --> 00:10:47,347
What debate?
203
00:10:47,414 --> 00:10:49,950
the day before the election,
isn't that great?
204
00:10:50,017 --> 00:10:52,986
No debate! No debate!
Debates are a big mistake.
205
00:10:53,053 --> 00:10:54,521
But, cousin, don't you think
it's a good way
206
00:10:54,587 --> 00:10:56,990
to show the students
how I feel about the issues?
207
00:10:57,057 --> 00:10:58,892
I've got that covered.
Don't worry about it.
208
00:10:58,959 --> 00:10:59,993
Have I told you how good I am?
209
00:11:00,060 --> 00:11:03,997
Twice.
Okay.
210
00:11:04,064 --> 00:11:05,565
you'll be meeting
with the football team.
211
00:11:05,632 --> 00:11:07,868
You'll tell them how important
you think sports are
212
00:11:07,935 --> 00:11:11,271
to the school's image,
got it?
213
00:11:11,338 --> 00:11:13,073
Okay, then at 10:30, you'll be
meeting with the science club.
214
00:11:13,140 --> 00:11:15,242
You'll tell them, you think
education is important
215
00:11:15,308 --> 00:11:17,344
and too much of the school's
budget is spent on sports.
216
00:11:17,410 --> 00:11:19,446
Got it?
Too much on sports. Got it.
217
00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:21,314
Okay, at noon, you'll be
meeting with the fraternities.
218
00:11:21,381 --> 00:11:23,583
You'll tell them, you think
entirely too much time
219
00:11:23,650 --> 00:11:26,219
is being spent in the classroom
220
00:11:26,286 --> 00:11:28,188
Too much fraternity.
221
00:11:28,255 --> 00:11:31,558
meeting with
the Honor Society.
222
00:11:31,624 --> 00:11:33,961
not to party, and you're pushing
for Saturday classes, got it?
223
00:11:34,027 --> 00:11:36,997
Okay, cousin,
small, small question
224
00:11:37,064 --> 00:11:39,767
from a simple Mypiot boy.
225
00:11:39,833 --> 00:11:43,436
This looks like I'm just telling
everyone what they want to hear.
226
00:11:43,503 --> 00:11:44,704
Welcome to politics.
227
00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:49,676
I am so proud of you.
228
00:11:49,743 --> 00:11:51,444
Now, cousin,
just hold on a moment.
229
00:11:51,511 --> 00:11:54,681
Are you asking me
to do something dishonest?
230
00:11:54,748 --> 00:11:57,317
But, Balki,
you want to
231
00:11:57,384 --> 00:11:59,519
Yes.
Well, to do that.
232
00:11:59,586 --> 00:12:01,254
You're gonna have to get elected
Student Body President
233
00:12:01,321 --> 00:12:03,190
and I am the man
to help you do it.
234
00:12:03,256 --> 00:12:04,858
Cousin, I think
I can make my position
235
00:12:04,925 --> 00:12:07,094
on all the issues
clear at the debate.
236
00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:08,996
No debate!
Forget the debate!
237
00:12:09,062 --> 00:12:12,165
First rule of campaigning,
do not debate!
238
00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:15,803
Uh, Larry I have the results
of the latest poll.
239
00:12:15,869 --> 00:12:18,772
Attention!
Attention, everybody!
240
00:12:18,839 --> 00:12:20,573
Go ahead, Jennifer.
Give them the good news.
241
00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:23,276
Cousin, I--
Uh, Larry, I think we should--
242
00:12:23,343 --> 00:12:26,046
Balki, for the last time,
no debate! No debate!
243
00:12:26,113 --> 00:12:27,247
Go ahead, Jennifer.
244
00:12:27,314 --> 00:12:30,083
Tell them how far
Balki is ahead.
245
00:12:30,150 --> 00:12:32,485
Balki is trailing
by fifteen points.
246
00:12:34,922 --> 00:12:36,990
You're gonna have to
debate your opponent.
247
00:12:46,967 --> 00:12:49,069
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
248
00:12:49,136 --> 00:12:52,405
Balki, for the last time
249
00:12:52,472 --> 00:12:53,907
you are not going to wear
250
00:12:53,974 --> 00:12:57,677
the traditional
Myposian election hat!
251
00:12:57,744 --> 00:12:59,813
BALKI:
Oh, is that so, is that?
252
00:12:59,880 --> 00:13:00,981
Give it to me!
No!
253
00:13:01,048 --> 00:13:02,249
Give it to me!
No!
254
00:13:02,315 --> 00:13:03,984
Give it to me!
255
00:13:13,526 --> 00:13:16,463
(BABBLING)
256
00:13:17,530 --> 00:13:19,466
(PANTING)
257
00:13:20,767 --> 00:13:23,303
Jennifer, Mary Anne
258
00:13:23,370 --> 00:13:25,572
Balki is ready
for the mock debate.
259
00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:28,508
I've groomed him,
I've prepared him.
260
00:13:28,575 --> 00:13:30,277
It's taken five years
off my life.
261
00:13:30,343 --> 00:13:33,280
(SOBBING)
262
00:13:34,747 --> 00:13:37,184
Oh, ladies...
263
00:13:39,386 --> 00:13:42,055
the next
Student Body President
264
00:13:42,122 --> 00:13:44,057
of Chicago City College
265
00:13:44,124 --> 00:13:45,825
Balki Bartokomous.
266
00:13:45,893 --> 00:13:48,896
(APPLAUSE)
267
00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:56,069
Oh, Balki, you look
so handsome in that suit.
268
00:13:57,704 --> 00:13:59,506
It needs a hat.
269
00:14:02,142 --> 00:14:04,277
It doesn't need a hat.
270
00:14:08,681 --> 00:14:12,052
Okay, ladies,
take your seats.
271
00:14:12,119 --> 00:14:14,387
Now, Balki...
272
00:14:14,454 --> 00:14:16,489
(PANTING)
273
00:14:16,556 --> 00:14:19,626
Remember, ahem,
presentation is key...
274
00:14:19,692 --> 00:14:20,693
Right.
275
00:14:20,760 --> 00:14:23,496
...to winning the debate.
276
00:14:23,563 --> 00:14:26,166
Well, what do we do
to improve our presentation?
277
00:14:26,233 --> 00:14:29,602
Um...
Oh! Oh!
278
00:14:29,669 --> 00:14:32,072
I don't rest my hands
on the podium.
279
00:14:32,139 --> 00:14:34,141
It makes me look lazy.
280
00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:37,044
And, uh... Uh, and...
Uh, uh, uh, uh...
281
00:14:37,110 --> 00:14:39,379
Oh! And I don't
fidget with my tie.
282
00:14:39,446 --> 00:14:42,249
It, uh, it makes me
look, uh, nervous.
283
00:14:42,315 --> 00:14:43,550
Uh-huh.
What else?
284
00:14:44,817 --> 00:14:45,818
Heck if I know.
285
00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:48,388
(GRUNTS)
286
00:14:48,455 --> 00:14:51,424
Oh! I never use the phrase,
"Heck if I know."
287
00:14:51,491 --> 00:14:54,962
It makes me sound,
it makes me sound chloroformed.
288
00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:57,530
Uninformed.
Uninformed.
289
00:14:57,597 --> 00:14:59,899
Uninformed. Okay.
Yeah. Yeah.
290
00:14:59,967 --> 00:15:01,801
And...
291
00:15:01,868 --> 00:15:03,503
Ee...
292
00:15:09,109 --> 00:15:11,444
Oh! Uh, remember to smile.
Okay, good.
293
00:15:11,511 --> 00:15:14,914
Good, good. All right.
Okay.
294
00:15:14,982 --> 00:15:17,917
Jennifer, ask
the first question.
295
00:15:17,985 --> 00:15:19,186
(CLEARS THROAT)
296
00:15:24,491 --> 00:15:26,593
Mr. Bartokomous...
Uh-huh?
297
00:15:29,196 --> 00:15:31,431
What is your position
on the financing
298
00:15:31,498 --> 00:15:33,033
of student loans?
299
00:15:35,168 --> 00:15:36,669
Student loans?
300
00:15:38,805 --> 00:15:40,740
Boy, I wish I had a hat.
301
00:15:40,807 --> 00:15:45,112
Balki!
Okay, okay, okay.
302
00:15:45,178 --> 00:15:47,847
Mr. Bartokomous,
what is your position
303
00:15:47,914 --> 00:15:50,317
on the financing
of student loans?
304
00:15:50,383 --> 00:15:54,454
Jennifer, uh, uh, I'm glad
you asked me that question
305
00:15:54,521 --> 00:15:57,457
because the financing
of student loans
306
00:15:57,524 --> 00:16:01,261
um, is an issue
that deserves my attention
307
00:16:01,328 --> 00:16:03,696
and, uh, and, uh,
let me assure you
308
00:16:03,763 --> 00:16:07,367
that my attention
is what it will receive
309
00:16:07,434 --> 00:16:10,703
in its complete
and unabridged form.
310
00:16:10,770 --> 00:16:13,473
Uh, and the financing
of student loans
311
00:16:13,540 --> 00:16:16,709
is actually part of,
uh, of my...
312
00:16:16,776 --> 00:16:19,512
...ten point program
for better schooling.
313
00:16:19,579 --> 00:16:21,481
Yes, Balki,
you are doing great!
314
00:16:21,548 --> 00:16:23,283
Oh!
Ah! Ah!
315
00:16:23,350 --> 00:16:24,717
Smile.
316
00:16:32,725 --> 00:16:34,961
Larry, I have to talk to you,
I have something to tell you
317
00:16:35,028 --> 00:16:36,363
that's going to upset you.
318
00:16:36,429 --> 00:16:37,864
You've changed your mind.
319
00:16:37,930 --> 00:16:39,766
You're not gonna marry me?
320
00:16:39,832 --> 00:16:42,569
That's awful!
You didn't tell me that!
321
00:16:44,404 --> 00:16:46,473
That's not the bad news.
322
00:16:46,539 --> 00:16:49,176
Well, maybe not to you,
but think of poor Larry.
323
00:16:51,078 --> 00:16:52,545
Larry, the bad...
324
00:16:55,648 --> 00:16:57,150
Oh!
325
00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:03,823
The bad news is
the athletes found out
326
00:17:03,890 --> 00:17:06,759
They've switched their votes
to Balki's opponent.
327
00:17:06,826 --> 00:17:08,261
All right, I thought
this might happen
328
00:17:08,328 --> 00:17:09,596
I gotta tell Balki.
329
00:17:13,133 --> 00:17:15,802
Come on, Mary Anne,
we better take our seats.
330
00:17:15,868 --> 00:17:17,804
You know, it's a good thing
Larry has this campaign
331
00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:20,573
to take his mind
off the broken engagement.
332
00:17:22,409 --> 00:17:24,211
Balki?
333
00:17:24,277 --> 00:17:25,945
The athletes have decided
to change their votes
334
00:17:26,012 --> 00:17:27,580
to your opponent.
335
00:17:27,647 --> 00:17:29,682
Well, people change
their minds.
336
00:17:29,749 --> 00:17:31,851
Pigs, on the other hand,
make one decision
337
00:17:31,918 --> 00:17:34,454
and stick with it.
338
00:17:34,521 --> 00:17:35,888
(SNORTS)
339
00:17:35,955 --> 00:17:39,292
Balki, don't you understand?
340
00:17:39,359 --> 00:17:41,261
we're going to
lose the election.
341
00:17:41,328 --> 00:17:43,496
Now I have an easy fix,
all we have to do is
342
00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:45,298
lose the language thing
and they'll switch back to us.
343
00:17:45,365 --> 00:17:47,500
Cousin, wait a minute.
Are you...
344
00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:49,536
You know sometimes,
I think
345
00:17:49,602 --> 00:17:52,038
you're just a few grapes
shy of a bunch.
346
00:17:52,105 --> 00:17:53,673
Have you been listening?
347
00:17:53,740 --> 00:17:57,244
I cannot lose
the language thing.
348
00:17:57,310 --> 00:17:59,312
I cannot give that up.
349
00:17:59,379 --> 00:18:01,414
Balki, your goal
is to get elected.
350
00:18:01,481 --> 00:18:04,417
Tell them what
they want to hear.
351
00:18:04,484 --> 00:18:06,486
Cousin, isn't that
just a bit dishonest?
352
00:18:06,553 --> 00:18:08,155
It's the American way.
353
00:18:10,590 --> 00:18:12,192
But won't
the students mind?
354
00:18:12,259 --> 00:18:14,494
Mind?
They expect it!
355
00:18:14,561 --> 00:18:15,395
Wait a minute...
356
00:18:15,462 --> 00:18:16,629
Uh, preceding the debate
357
00:18:16,696 --> 00:18:20,700
there will be
an opening statement
358
00:18:20,767 --> 00:18:22,435
by each candidate.
359
00:18:22,502 --> 00:18:25,605
Uh, Mr. Bartokomous, we're ready
for your opening statement.
360
00:18:40,287 --> 00:18:44,991
Uh, thank you,
my fair chair lady
361
00:18:45,057 --> 00:18:48,561
faculty and my worthy opponent
362
00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:49,629
and students.
363
00:18:50,897 --> 00:18:53,366
My name is Balki Bartokomous
364
00:18:53,433 --> 00:18:56,002
of the students,
for the students
365
00:18:56,068 --> 00:18:57,470
by the students.
366
00:18:57,537 --> 00:18:59,071
Ah! Ah!
367
00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:00,340
Ee...
368
00:19:05,212 --> 00:19:07,414
Uh, if elected, I promise
369
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:10,817
to be firm, yet flexible
370
00:19:10,883 --> 00:19:13,453
tough, yet vulnerable
371
00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:15,855
soft, yet absorbent.
372
00:19:22,829 --> 00:19:27,600
I would like to establish
a kinder, gentler cafeteria.
373
00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:30,603
(APPLAUSE)
374
00:19:31,638 --> 00:19:33,172
We will now open the floor
375
00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:35,208
to questions
for Mr. Bartokomous.
376
00:19:37,910 --> 00:19:40,713
Uh, yes, in the pink angora.
377
00:19:40,780 --> 00:19:42,048
My name is Lisa Morgan.
Mr. Bar--
378
00:19:42,114 --> 00:19:43,883
Hi, Lisa!
379
00:19:43,950 --> 00:19:45,285
Hi.
380
00:19:45,352 --> 00:19:48,855
Mr. Bartokomous
381
00:19:48,921 --> 00:19:51,824
you said you wanted to be
the Education President.
382
00:19:51,891 --> 00:19:54,461
But when you spoke
in front of the fraternities
383
00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:57,096
you said education
was overrated.
384
00:19:57,163 --> 00:20:00,367
Where do you stand?
385
00:20:00,433 --> 00:20:03,336
because where I stand
386
00:20:03,403 --> 00:20:06,239
uh, deserves my attention.
387
00:20:06,306 --> 00:20:09,709
And I can assure you
that where I stand
388
00:20:09,776 --> 00:20:11,378
'will receive my attention'
389
00:20:11,444 --> 00:20:14,281
in its complete
and unabridged form.
390
00:20:15,482 --> 00:20:16,816
Good answer.
Um, wait a minute.
391
00:20:16,883 --> 00:20:20,687
That doesn't seem
to make any sense to--
392
00:20:20,753 --> 00:20:22,389
What about the rumor
that you want us to take
393
00:20:22,455 --> 00:20:24,624
some dumb language
before we graduate?
394
00:20:25,758 --> 00:20:26,993
I'm glad you asked
that question
395
00:20:27,059 --> 00:20:29,028
because I cannot lie to you.
396
00:20:29,095 --> 00:20:33,566
Now, let me just--
Uh, uh, yes. Uh...
397
00:20:33,633 --> 00:20:35,935
He has another engagement.
398
00:20:36,002 --> 00:20:37,270
that, uh, if elected...
399
00:20:37,337 --> 00:20:38,505
Cousin, please.
400
00:20:38,571 --> 00:20:40,507
Please, I have to do this.
401
00:20:45,812 --> 00:20:47,714
Listen, if you're
going to vote for me
402
00:20:47,780 --> 00:20:49,115
you've got to know who I am
403
00:20:49,181 --> 00:20:51,050
and what I really believe in.
404
00:20:51,117 --> 00:20:52,919
My name is Balki Bartokomous
405
00:20:52,985 --> 00:20:55,822
and I'm a sheepherder
from Mypos.
406
00:20:55,888 --> 00:20:58,325
And yes, if I am elected
I do intend
407
00:20:58,391 --> 00:21:00,293
to reinstate
the language requirement.
408
00:21:00,360 --> 00:21:03,496
(BOOING)
409
00:21:18,511 --> 00:21:20,380
I lost, Balki.
410
00:21:22,114 --> 00:21:23,983
I lost big.
411
00:21:25,518 --> 00:21:28,888
You know, I wanted
to win just once.
412
00:21:28,955 --> 00:21:30,990
Cousin, would you
please stop this?
413
00:21:31,057 --> 00:21:32,124
You did not lose.
414
00:21:32,191 --> 00:21:34,994
I lost. I lost. I did.
415
00:21:35,061 --> 00:21:36,829
I lost the election.
416
00:21:39,065 --> 00:21:40,567
You're right, Balki.
417
00:21:42,669 --> 00:21:44,337
You're the big loser.
418
00:21:48,408 --> 00:21:50,009
And don't you forget it.
419
00:21:54,347 --> 00:21:57,350
I can't believe
you're taking this so well.
420
00:21:57,417 --> 00:22:00,353
You lost.
421
00:22:00,420 --> 00:22:02,121
I didn't get
elected president
422
00:22:02,188 --> 00:22:03,456
but I got what I wanted.
423
00:22:03,523 --> 00:22:04,757
My opponent thought
424
00:22:04,824 --> 00:22:06,559
that reinstating
the language requirement
425
00:22:06,626 --> 00:22:08,728
was a good idea
and she's gonna push for it.
426
00:22:10,029 --> 00:22:11,230
And that makes you happy?
427
00:22:11,297 --> 00:22:12,799
Happy?
428
00:22:12,865 --> 00:22:14,667
I'm erratic!
429
00:22:18,871 --> 00:22:20,640
Oh, God!
Oh, goodness!
430
00:22:20,707 --> 00:22:22,875
I lost again!
Oh, no.
431
00:22:22,942 --> 00:22:25,311
I've lost 13
student elections
432
00:22:25,378 --> 00:22:27,414
and the last one
I wasn't even a student!
433
00:22:27,480 --> 00:22:29,382
Okay.
Oh, God.
434
00:22:29,449 --> 00:22:31,518
Okay, here we go,
tape number one.
435
00:22:31,584 --> 00:22:33,219
I can't belie...
436
00:22:33,285 --> 00:22:35,955
"My body is a hollow reed.
437
00:22:37,924 --> 00:22:40,460
"Trouble blows through me
like the wind."
438
00:22:41,528 --> 00:22:42,862
(WHISTLES)
439
00:23:08,888 --> 00:23:09,889
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
31024
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