Original subtitles

Sometimes the world looks perfect

Sometimes you just get a feeling

Like you need some kind of change

No matter what the odds are this time

Nothing's going to stand in my way

This flame in my heart like a long-lost friend

Gives every dark street

A light at the end

Standing tall

On the wings of my dream

Rise and fall

On the wings of my dream

The rain and thunder the wind and haze

I'm bound for better days

It's my life and my dream

Nothing's gonna stop me now

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. No, no, no, no, no problemo.

CLIVE: It's alright.

I love him!

Ah.

You don't know Lionel, do you?

Know him? I made him a star.

I'm Clive Enright, his manager and producer.

You, uh, are you a fan?

Am I a fan? Hmm?

Am I a fan?

I love him! I got all his records.

My favorite is Emotion Potion.

I'm drowning in an ocean of your emotion potion

I'm kickin' my feet

And stompin' like a motion

And with lips so fine and your face so sweet

Okay. Okay, alright...

It moves me it touches me

It knocks me off my feet...

Wait, wait, wait, wait!

Don't stop him! He is good.

(SINGING INDISTINCTLY)

He is? Yeah!

He's got a very unique kind of appeal.

He does? Absolutely!

Oh, ho, ho, Balki... Yo, yo, Balki.

Can't stop now, babe! Whoa, whoa, hey, whoa!

Listen, listen, I have been in the music business

for 15 years and you have got star written all over you.

No, no, no, no, Balki, Balki.

That's, that's not what he meant.

I should tell you that, uh,

Balki takes everything very literally.

And who are you? I'm Balki's cousin.

I've been dealing with this for years.

You have to be very careful what you say to him.

If you tell him he can be a star

he'll think he can be a star.

He can. Look at him.

He has warmth, he has innocence.

People eat that garbage up.

Combined with the right music

this guy could make a fortune.

No, look, I'm prepared right now

to offer you a recording contract.

And I want you to star in your own music video.

Oh, Mr. Enright, I, I...

That's very nice of you, but I don't think

I ever could be a star like Lionel DeVinyl.

(CHUCKLING) That's what Lionel said when I discovered him

working in the auto parts store.

in two weeks.

Listen, call me if you reconsider.

He's reconsidered.

I'm not only Balki's cousin, I'm also Balki's agent.

Is tomorrow too soon to ink a deal?

My office, 3:00. I'll supply the ink.

Cousin, just a, just a moment of your time.

I have a few questions. When did I reconsider?

What is an agent? And when did you become one?

An agent is, uh, someone like myself

who negotiates big money deals for a performer, like yourself

in exchange for a nominal percentage

of the aforementioned big money.

Uh, I think the standard rate is 50%?

That's not enough.

But I'm not a performer, I'm just Balki.

I'm just your average Joe Blowniki on the street.

I sing for friends, for, for, for family

for the occasional sheep.

Although once, I...

I did sell out a meadow.

Well, of course you sold out the meadow. You have talent.

No, I don't. Oh, yes, you do.

No, I don't. Oh, yes, you do.

No, I don't. Oh, yes, you do.

(LAUGHING) No, I don't.

Oh, yes, you do.

No, I don't. Oh, yes, you do!

No, I don't. Oh, yes, you do!

Listen, Balki!

There'd be no Red Roses for a Blue Lady.

There'd be no Daddy, Don't You Walk So Fast.

There'd be no Danke Schoen.

Wait a minute, cousin.

I know you like the back of my head.

You're going to try to trick Balki

by using Wayne's name in vain.

Alright, okay, alright, alright, Balki.

You are much too smart for that.

Well, I should say so. Ha!

LARRY: Yeah.

I was just thinking how proud

And how proud your mama would be of you if you...

Well, never mind. Cousin, what?

What, cousin? No, no, no.

What were you going to say?

What? You were right in, right in the middle of a...

You can't just throw out a mama reference

and just let it die!

I was just thinking how proud your mama would be of you

if you came back to Mypos a big, big star!

You performing for all of Mypos.

And mama, there in the front row. Look. Look.

There she is. There she is.

Oh, mama.

You introduce her from the stage.

(WHISPERING) Stand up. Stand up.

And then, she comes up for the last act

and, and performs. She plays the tambourine!

Oh! But she doesn't need that kind of joy in her life.

Cousin, I want to do it.

Are you sure? Yeah.

I want to do it for mama.

I want her to bang her tambourine

and kick up her clogs.

Oh, cousin, she'll be so proud.

Alright, you've worn me down. Oh, thank you, cousin.

I know the perfect opening act. "New Kids in the Flock."

(INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)

MAN: Bring that light over here.

Cousin, I am s... I am so nervous.

I, I have only had one week to rehearse.

What, what if I forget my song? What if I lose my voice?

What if I get a hog in my throat?

You won't get a hog in your throat.

You won't get any farm animal in your throat.

You are going to be great. Now, just relax.

You have talent. No, I don't.

Oh, yes, you do.

That is why you are getting big bucks to do this video.

Oh, cousin, imagine. Getting paid to sing.

I love to sing. I would sing for nothing.

Don't you ever, ever say that!

Fresh Young Balki B. Are you ready to cook?

Well, not really, my crock-pot's at home

in the kitchen.

Could I speak to you for just a moment?

Is there a problem with the contract?

Yes, there is a problem. Uh...

Clauses B, H, and K are totally unacceptable.

Uh, in addition, I would like

private limousine service for Fresh Young Balki B and myself.

And there is to be an ample supply of M&Ms

in the dressing room at all times.

Remove all the green ones.

No M&Ms. No limo.

Clauses 'B,' 'H' and 'K' stay as is or he's out.

Deal! Love it. Ciao.

Hmm.

(PEOPLE CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY)

Don't hate me because I'm beautiful.

Just sign it.

Yo, Fresh.

Now, we happen in five

and wait 'til I toss you a cue. Capisce?

Yes, sir. Uh, I mean, yo, sir.

There you go.

What did he just say?

MAN: Fresh Young Balki B video. Take two.

(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)

(INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)

Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

Ooh ooh ooh Balki B

Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

Ooh ooh ooh

Balki B

I was tendin' to my flock of sheep

My mind was bendin' couldn't get no sleep

I was dreamin' of a world I knew

If I could get to would make my dreams come true

(MUSIC CONTINUES)

So I packed up and I said goodbye to my mama

And I crossed the sky to a new land

Where I work and play with Cousin Larry

Each and every day

(MUSIC CONTINUES)

Now I'm thrillin' 'cause my dreams are fulfillin'

And I'm tillin' new ground inside me

And I'm willin' And I'm willing

And that's why I'm tellin' y'all not to stop

Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

Ooh ooh ooh Balki B

'Cause if you're lookin' to do the same

Don't go cookin' up no brand-new game

Just reach for what you've got inside

'Cause you're your own ticket to ride

Fresh Fresh

Balki B ooh ooh ooh ooh Balki B

Rappin' his way Rappin' his way

Across the sea Across the sea

I said fresh Fresh

Young Young

Come on Fly Girls get busy Rappin' his way

Rappin' his way across the sea

BALKI: Let's watch the video.

I hope you like my singing.

Maybe someday, I'll win a grandma.

A Grammy. Win a Grammy.

That's what I said.

Although winning one could never replace

the sweet little old lady I left on Mypos.

We are going to make a fortune.

Okay.

Past the teeth and over the gums

look out, eyes, here it comes!

(J.J. JAY SINGING FRESH YOUNG BALKI B)

Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh...

Balki, I don't think I like this.

Strange women are singing your name.

Oh, don't worry, Mary Anne. I didn't sing back.

Oh, look, look, look, look! This, this, this is, is my part!

This is where I sing by myself.

(WITH OTHER VOICE) I was tendin' to my flock of sheep

My mind was bendin' couldn't get no sleep

I was dreamin' of a world I knew

If I could get to would make my dreams come true

Gee.

Balki, it's amazing how different your singing voice is.

It's not his voice, Mary Anne.

Oh, my Lord! You're right.

They, they dubbed in a different voice.

I worked so hard and they threw my voice away.

How could this happen?

Well, I don't know, but if you gotta have a different voice

that's a good one to have.

But you look fabulous.

My mama's going to be proud? Of what?

Of me pretending to be somebody else?

I don't want to do this!

LARRY: Balki, be reasonable.

If you're not gonna be Fresh Young Balki B

Your fingers!

Balki, you cannot throw away the opportunity of a lifetime!

Cousin, you are wasting your breath mints.

I am not going to be moving my lips

for somebody else's voice.

That is dishonest.

Did, did you know that Natalie Wood didn't do

her own singing in West Side Story?

Or that Audrey Hepburn lip-synched her songs

in My Fair Lady?

is that someone else sang for The Little Mermaid?

Yes! And don't even ask about Mr. Ed!

Not Mr. Ed!

Alright, Balki, Balki, think of this as, as a group effort.

It's, it's like building a car.

Another person puts in the seats.

But someone else's voice is coming out of the radio!

Okay, alright, alright, alright. Forget cars. Forget cars!

Uh, think of it as, as making a cake!

Cousin... One person puts in the flour.

Cousin. Another breaks the eggs.

Cousin, cousin, you're getting

Now, let me ask you this.

How many times have Marshall and Walpole

taken credit for an article you've written?

Oh. Oh. How many times? How many?

How many times have Marshall and Walpole

taken credit for an article you've written?

How many? Twenty one.

Twenty one?

Twenty one times.

Now, how does that make you feel?

Hey, I'm okay with it!

Alright, it bothers me a little.

I hate it.

Well, of course you do.

You're right. Thank you, cousin.

Cousin, would you just-- Okay. Alright. Alright.

Alright. I see your point.

I'll just call Enright and insist

that you do your own singing.

Thank you, cousin.

You're both about to become millionaires!

Okay, listen, Balki, I've got a schedule here

of your promotional appearances.

Mr. Enright, this is, uh, very, very difficult for me to say

but Balki won't be making any promotional appearances

unless he does his own singing.

(CHUCKLING) What is he saying?

I saw the video, and I don't like it.

I don't like that someone else's voice

is coming out of my mouth.

Balkster, come on.

When I said I was gonna make you a star

it wasn't for your singing.

It's your unique look that I wanna sell.

See, I always planned to match your look with J.J. Jay's voice.

None of my clients use their own voices.

This won't affect profit participation, will it?

Cousin, cousin, please.

Are you telling me that Lionel DeVinyl

is just a pair of moving lips?

That's what I'm sayin'.

What about Neon Leon?

Jazzy Jake? None of them sing a note.

Well, paint me green and call me Gumby.

Mr. Enright, you are a dishonest person

and I wash my face of you.

Not so fast there, Fresh!

I've got a contract here with your signature on it.

And according to Paragraph Z, line four, your lips are mine.

You move them when and where I tell you.

Wait a minute... Paragraph Z? Let me see that.

If you don't live up to your end of this deal

Cousin, is this true?

I'm afraid it is.

Balkman, got your press conference

scheduled for tomorrow.

All the major music publications are gonna be there, babe.

So, see you there. Or I'll see you in court.

(INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)

Rappin' his way rappin' his way

Across the sea Across the sea

I said Fresh Fresh

Young Young

Balki B

Rappin' his way across the sea

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! There you have it!

Fresh Young Balki B's first music video.

What can I say, huh?

You are witnessing today the birth

of a major new rock phenomenon, okay?

This guy is hot, he is happening, and he is here!

That's right, you heard me.

put those hands together and give it up

for Fresh Young Balki B.

(APPLAUDING)

Hello, my name is...

Fresh Young Balki B.

And I would like you to meet my DJ, MC Cousin.

Yo.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

You're here to answer their questions

and here are your answers.

He's gonna sing live. Yo.

You can't do that. Well, let's ask the press.

You wanna hear Fresh Young Balki B sing?

No, no...

Yo, it's Balki time.

(INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)

I was singing on the job you see

The man said he'd make a star out of me

He cut a record shot a video too

But when we saw it something didn't

Ring true Was set to groovin'

Had my friends around

What we heard wasn't our choice

Clive Enright dubbed in a new voice

(MUSIC CONTINUES)

None of his acts sing their own songs

What went down we think was terribly wrong

Neon Leon Jazzy Jake and the Jukes

Have no talent they're just lip-synching flukes

Lionel DeVinyl and Untame Jane

Their story is sadly the same

Even Jump Back Jimmy Mack

Couldn't carry a tune in a paper sack

Take it from Fresh Young Balki B

And his Cousin MC

What you're hearin' ain't what you see

And singin' a lie just ain't for me

'Cause the songs movin' up his hit parade

Are all a part of Enright's charade

But you've got the power to end his game

So tell the world Clive Enright's to blame

Enright's to blame Enright's to blame

Enright's to blame

(INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)

BALKI: Cousin, look at this.

Mr. Enright is being sued

which is expected to go plutonium.

Not plutonium, platinum.

And now, he is going to be very, very rich.

And we are not.

But, Larry, you got the byline on the expose

about Enright and his phony singers.

I did scoop Rolling Stone, Musicians Weekly,

and Rap and Roll.

I guess, uh, Fresh Young Balki B and MC Cousin

did earn me something.

Oh. Well, there's, there's still time.

Stay right where you are! No. No. No, no.

(INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING