Original subtitles

Sometimes the world looks perfect

Nothing to rearrange

Sometimes you just Get a feeling

Like you need some kind of change

No matter what the odds are this time

Nothing's gonna stand in my way

This flame in my heart like a long lost friend

Gives every dark street a light at the end

Standing tall

On the wings of my dream

Rise and fall

On the wings of my dream

The rain and thunder

The wind and haze

I'm bound for better days

It's my life and my dream

And nothing's gonna stop me now

Cousin, what's a six letter word for, "Do over?"

Repeat.

Repeat.

Repeat. The word is "repeat."

Well, love me tender and call me Elvis.

Why you didn't say so in the first place?

Appleton.

Yes, yes, sir, I just finished it, sir.

There you are.

Bunky?

Larry Appleton. It's been a long time.

You're lookin' good. Well, so are you.

You, you haven't changed a bit.

You just look...richer.

(CHUCKLES)

Well, how is everything going?

Well, I have a penthouse in New York, a villa in Capri

and a castle in Spain. What do you think?

I think it must be tough for you to run home for lunch.

This is my cousin, Balki.

Balki, Bunky. Bunky, Balki.

Balki. Bunky.

Nice work, Appleton. You may win a Pulitzer yet.

Bunky, it's been a pleasure.

A Pulitzer, say!

Appleton, that's very impressive.

You've come a long way since high school.

Well, we had some good times, didn't we?

(CHUCKLES)

and we pretended we'd run out of gas

and we made that poor sap go back and get some, and then we drove off?

(LAUGHS)

Yeah, that was me.

Oh, I must have been thinking of that nerd

whose books we always glued together.

Uh, me again.

Cousin, I'm confused, were you the sap or the nerd?

No, I was the sap.

We did some pretty cruel things to you in high school, Larry.

I'm really sorry about that.

Well, that's okay.

I, I guess everybody does some

stupid things when they're young.

Boy, tell me about it.

who used to crow like a rooster

and get the hens all excited.

Say, Mr. Pulitzer, The Beekman club's giving a

little formal dinner dance on Saturday.

Why don't you come as my guest?

The Beekman club? Yeah.

Oh, you'll feel right at home.

All the old gang are members.

You mean Muffy, Buffy, Fluffy?

(CHUCKLES) And Biff, Cliff and Griff!

Sounds terriff!

Boy, you guys are taking me back.

Clinki, Blinki, Dinki.

I love this guy!

You gotta bring him along.

Okay, dinner's at 9:00.

Well, Balki, this is great!

This is something I've been dreaming about since high school.

Cousin, you've eaten out before.

No, I, I mean, this is, this is a chance for me

finally to be, uh, accepted by Bunky.

I mean, back in high school

They were the smartest, the best looking,

the most popular.

They had the most fun.

And next week, when I go to that party

and walk in with Jennifer on my arm,

Bunky'll see that I am Larry Appleton,

ace reporter for the Chicago Chronicle,

he'll beg me to be a member of that club.

Oh, it'll be Buffy, Muffy, Fluffy

Biff, Cliff, Griff, and Larry.

Well, Cousin, that sounds great.

It sounds like you're gonna have a wonderful time.

No, we'll have a wonderful time, he invited you, too.

Well, Cousin, I can't possibly go.

Balki, he invited you.

Bunky asked me to bring you along.

You don't say no to Bunky McDermott.

I'm not, I'm saying no to Cousin McLarry.

All right. All right, you're right.

There's absolutely no reason for you to go.

Well, you're right.

You'll be bored. That's right.

You can meet Wayne Newton some other time.

(CHUCKLES)

Uh, Cousin, uh, did-did you say that, uh,

Wayne Newton was going to be there?

Of course.

Funny, Bunky, uh, didn't say

that Wayne Newton was going to be there.

Well, who do you think Fluffy is?

Okay, now, we only have seven hours till Bunky's party.

In two hours I'll have a light snack

so I won't pig out on the hors d'oeuvres.

And in three hours and 15 minutes

I'll shave so I'll be smooth, yet a little swarthy.

And, in four hours

the gold paint on your credit card should be dry.

Cousin, uh, do you want me to do the rest of your wallet?

Your, your library card, sure looks a little shabby.

No, no, no, no.

(TELEPHONE RINGING)

Hello.

Oh, yeah, hi, Bunkster! Yes!

Yeah, oh, no, we haven't forgotten about the party.

No, Balki and I'll be there with bells on.

Cousin, I get to wear my bells?

No, no you don't get to wear your bells.

Oh! Yeah, yeah, what's that?

Oh, uh, you and the gang just got back from the Caribbean?

Well, well, isn't that a coincidence?

So did Balki and I.

Yeah? Oh, yeah, no, we love the tropics.

(CHUCKLES) Oh, yeah. Sun and surf, surf and sun.

Right.

Okay. All right, see you tonight.

Bye-bye.

Yes, I lied to Bunky.

Yes, I have a good reason.

I lied to Bunky so that I wouldn't hurt their feelings.

Well, I think that--

and Bunky and his friends find out we're the only ones

who haven't been to the Caribbean,

they are going to feel terrible.

Wait a minute, let me just-- Let me just--

You wouldn't want that to happen.

Would you?

No, no, I wouldn't want to hurt

Muffy, Buffy, Puffy, Huey, Dewey, and Louie.

Good. Now, we've got to hurry.

Cousin, why, why, why we do need a suntan?

To prove that we have been in the Caribbean.

We don't have enough time to go to the Caribbean

get a suntan and get back in time for the party.

I see what you're saying.

Good thinking, Balki. No, no, wait, wait, wait--

I-I-I-- You know.

I'd be nothing without you.

I-I-I, I was painting the card.

Okay, we've put on the suntan lotion.

We are ready to tan.

I don't know, Cousin, I...

I don't know if it's working.

I put it on and I'm still as

white as a mackerel in the moonlight.

Balki, first we have to get into the tanning beds

turn them on and let the ultraviolet lights

gradually tan us.

Okay.

Now.

...for half an hour.

That should give us enough of a tan to impress Bunky.

Okay, now, put these on.

Cousin, look! I found Little Orphan Annie's eyes!

Balki, get into the tanning bed. Now.

Okay, okay.

The top of Barbie's bikini?

Balki. Oh.

Oh, my Lord! Balki! Balki, we overslept!

Get up, get up!

(SCREAMING)

You know, Cousin

when we were in the tanning beds

I dreamt we were at Bunky's party.

Yeah?

It was on the sun.

All right, all right, maybe we did get a little too much sun.

A little too much sun?

(LAUGHING)

Aah!

Cousin, even though it means

I won't be meeting Wayne Newton

I think we should skip Bunky's party.

Balki, if I don't go to this party

I'll miss my chance to become a member of The Beekman club

and I'll regret it for the rest of my life.

Well, of course not, Cousin. You regret so much already.

Ahh! Ow!

All right. All right, come on.

Let's get our tuxes on. (WHIMPERS)

Now, we're already late. Yeah.

So, we gotta hurry. Okay.

Let's go. Okay.

(GROANING)

Ahh! Ahh!

Ahh! Ahh!

All right, let's make a run for it.

Okay, ready? Yeah.

One, two, three.

(SCREAMING)

Truce, truce, truce. Truce, truce, truce, truce.

Truce.

(SIGHING)

(SCREAMING)

All right, give me my tux. Okay.

(SOBBING)

(GROANING)

(SCREAMING)

Truce, truce, truce, truce, truce, truce, truce.

(SCREAMING)

Get your tux. Okay.

(PANTING)

(SOBBING)

(GROANING)

(GROANING)

(GROANING)

Okay. Okay.

Let's just get this over with.

Right, okay, ready?

One, two, three.

(SCREAMING)

(BOTH SIGH WITH RELIEF)

(CARIBBEAN MUSIC PLAYING)

Mary Anne, do you see what I see?

Yeah, nobody's wearing an evening gown.

Boy, are they gonna be embarrassed.

JENNIFER: And nobody else has a suntan, either.

Larry, are we... Larry?

(GRUNTING)

Larry? Please tell me we're at the wrong party.

Well, I hope not, otherwise we'll miss Fluffy.

Who's Fluffy?

Appleton, glad you could make it.

Well, well, well, Bunky, you, you said the party was formal.

Oh, gee! Who was responsible for telling Appleton?

Oh, it was me. I guess I forgot.

(LAUGHING)

Say, Appleton, what did you do in the Caribbean?

Put out fires with your face?

Oh, no, it's nothing, it, uh, it looks worse than it is.

And Balki. Hi, how are ya?

I'm well. And you, how are you?

Well, if I was a charcoal briquette, I'd be fine.

But it's a small price to pay to see Fluffy.

Do you know Fluffy?

You know the album that Fluffy cut in Cleveland

right after he got the...

(CRIES OUT)

Uh, Bunky, uh, I'd like to introduce you

to my fiancee, Jennifer Lyons.

And this is, Mary Anne Spencer, Balki's, girlfriend.

Whoa, major league, Appleton.

Happy to meet you, Jennifer, Mary Anne.

Uh, thank you for inviting us.

Well, everybody enjoy yourselves.

I'll see you guys later. All right.

I, I hate to see you in this much pain.

Maybe we should go.

(GRUNTING)

Aw, your sunburn?

No, the chair's on my foot.

Are you okay? Yes. Ahh!

Okay, now, everybody, come on, let's go. Attention.

It's coronation time.

(APPLAUSE)

Cousin, coronations are my favorite flower.

No, you're wrong. Balki.

I think they're going to make me a member of The Beekman club.

Oh. Ow!

Sorry. Oh!

See, what did I tell ya? I'm in.

Larry, Balki, would you please join me?

Oh, Cousin, are they going to make me a member, too?

Well, Bunky said he liked you.

Ow!

Ladies and gentlemen,

the moment you've all been waiting for.

We are going to crown our kings for the evening.

Our old friend from high school, Larry Appleton,

and our new friend, his cousin, Balki Bartokomous.

Not only are we in, we're kings.

I know.

May I have the crowns, please?

(CROWD APPLAUDING)

hold your applause until the end of the ceremony.

Cousin, the, the previous kings must have had enormous heads.

Okay, now, every king needs a throne.

And we searched high and low

for one that was worthy of you.

(LAUGHING)

Cousin, it's just like King Ferdinand's throne.

We, we must really be important.

All hail Appleton, king of fools.

You're right, Bunky. I am a fool.

I wanted to be a member of your club.

But you're still as cruel and insensitive

as, as you were then.

And I, really don't want to spend another minute with you.

Come on, Balki, we're leaving.

Just, just a moment.

Frankly, I am shocked that Wayne Newton would have

anything to do with any of you.

Larry, I don't understand why you wanted to join Bunky's club.

He's a jerk.

was because Bunky didn't want me in his club.

Cousin, on Mypos

when we can't make friends with a skunk

we consider that a good thing.

I'll try to remember that.

Yeah, I, I must have been crazy.

I, I don't know why I'd want to be friends with somebody

like Bunky, when I already have

three of the best friends in the world.

Well, Larry, you're not only my best friend

you're the man I love.

That goes for me, too, Larry.

I mean the friend part...

The love part is...someone else.

Ow! Ow!