Original subtitles

Sometimes the world looks perfect

Nothing to rearrange

Sometimes you just get a feeling

Like you need some kind of change

No matter what the odds are this time

Nothing's gonna stand in my way

This flame in my heart

Like a long-lost friend

Gives every dark street a light at the end

Standing tall

On the wings of my dream

Rise and fall

On the wings of my dream

The rain and thunder the wind and haze

I'm bound for better days

Ah

It's my life and my dream

And nothing's gonna stop me now

(INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)

Balki, look at this.

Jennifer is gonna love her engagement ring.

And I was smart enough to buy it from a discount jeweler

so I got twice the ring at half the price.

Well, cousin, Jennifer's gonna need twice the finger

to hold it up.

It's humongous!

I don't know, what was so wrong

with that little diamond chip?

Balki, Balki, Balki.

In America

the size of a man's love for his woman

is determined by the size of the diamond he buys her.

Big diamond, lots of love.

Little diamond, here's your hat

what's your hurry?

On Mypos, the size of a man's love

is determined by the size of the goat

he gives his beloved.

Big goat, lots of love.

Little goat, that's all she wrote.

Fascinating culture.

Cousin, the box says "Tiffany."

You got a box from Tiffany

and you didn't get me her autograph?

This is a box from Tiffany, the jewelry store.

But you didn't buy the ring from Tiffany, the jewelry store.

You bought the ring from Harrison Dunne

the Diamond King.

I know I didn't buy it at Tiffany's, but I thought

this would be more impressive than the raisin box

Harrison Dunne put the diamond in.

Balki.

When I give this ring to Jennifer

it's gonna be one of the great moments of my life

and I want everything to be perfect.

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

Oh! Oh!

Alright.

(SIGHS)

Hi. Larry, what's going on? You said it was important.

Uh, Jennifer, uh...

I have something for you

and I wanted our two best friends

to share this moment.

Jennifer, sweetheart...

Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

(WHISPERING) This is romantic, it's romantic.

Thank you. Yeah.

(STRING OF PEARLS PLAYING)

Balki?

Balki?

(TURNS VOLUME LOWER)

Thank you.

Jennifer, sweetheart.

This is for you.

(GASPS)

Oh, Larry, it's gorgeous!

This is the biggest diamond I've ever seen! It's too much.

Nothing is too much for the woman I love.

Oh!

Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh!

(SCREAMS)

Oh, Larry!

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Oh. Oh. Oh.

Mmm.

Ooh, Jennifer, it's from Tiffany's.

You should have it insured. Oh, you're right.

First thing, Monday morning, I'll get the ring appraised.

Well, I'll praise it for you right now.

It's a sparkly ring! No, Balki, Balki.

It's a, it's a... No, no. No.

Not praise the ring, appraise the ring.

When you appraise something you determine its value.

But, cousin, I can determine its value.

I was, I was right there when you bought it. What six...

(LARRY SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)

Yeah, uh, Jennifer, having the ring insured is a good idea.

When it comes to diamonds, you can't be too careful.

I'll say, we just heard on the news tonight

about some guy named Harrison Dunne getting arrested

for selling phony diamonds.

Phony diamonds?

to buy diamonds out of the trunk of a Buick.

(LAUGHS)

Oh, po po.

Harrison Dunne?

Well, cousin, isn't that a small world?

Yes, yes, yes, it is. Because when we went...

When we went... Yes, it is.

Oh, Larry, I love this ring. When we went...

Oh, mmm.

Now, I have to go call my mother

and every girl I ever went to high school with.

Come on, Mary Anne.

I wasn't going to call you.

Why not? I'm your best friend!

Balki, this is terrible.

Monday morning, after Jennifer has the ring appraised

she's gonna know the ring's a fake

and her fiance's a fool.

What a rotten way to start the week.

What am I gonna do?

Well, cousin, you just tell her the truth.

You tried to impress her

you tried to get something for nothing

you went overboard

it's classic Larry Appleton.

I've seen it again and again and again.

You're right.

I do this all the time. Well.

I can't let her know I've done it again.

Oh, God. I'll sell my car.

We'll buy a real diamond and we'll switch the rings

without Jennifer knowing, and everything will be fine.

Cousin, selling your car is wrong. Okay?

Switching the rings is wrong.

And while we're on the subject

making a dog wear pants is wrong.

Balki, before, when I tried to get something

for nothing, that was wrong and you were right!

And it would be wrong

So, so, so, what you're saying is the right way

to right the wrong is to give Jennifer back the right ring

and take back the wrong ring?

Right.

You will? Yes, I will.

until I get dizzy, so I'm gonna

save you the time and me the headache.

Balki, that was delicious.

Oh, thank you, Mary Anne.

I don't often make Moolinki loaf.

It's nearly impossible to find fresh ox tonsils in Chicago.

Seconds?

Mary Anne, why don't you help me clear away these dishes?

Alright, Balki, remember what we're going to do.

I'll get Jennifer to take off her ring

then I'll distract the girls.

for the fake ring and give me the okay sign.

Okay. Alright.

Balki.

Why don't you help Mary Anne

finish clearing off the table

and I'll help Jennifer wash the dishes.

Why, cousin, that's a very good idea.

Ooh, uh, Jennifer, don't you think

you should, uh, take off your ring?

Uh, you don't want it, uh

Oh, you're right.

I'm not used to wearing a diamond.

Mmm.

I'll just put the ring over here.

I'll just put the ring over here.

I'll just put the ring on the counter over here.

Alright, fine, Larry!

No, careful, Jennifer, uh, that's...

Uh, that plate is a family heirloom.

It is? Oh, yes.

There is a date on the back.

where the light is better and, uh, I'll show you.

Larry, I don't see any date.

You know, uh...

Cousin, maybe if you tilt it a little

to the light you might be able to

see it a little bit better.

Good idea, Balki.

You know, maybe it's written in invisible ink.

Maybe if we just squeeze a little bit of lem...

Larry, I don't see anything.

Ooh, oh, well, maybe, it's, uh, maybe it's on the edge here.

'Uh, it-it could be, uh, just.'

Well, why don't you just keep looking

and I'll finish washing the dishes, okay?

Heh! Heh!

(MOUTHING WORDS)

Oh, uh, gosh.

(PLATE SHATTERS)

Oh, God, tell me it's not broken.

Larry, you must be heartbroken.

Well, hey, we'll get new family heirlooms when we're married.

Oh, here, Jennifer. Better put your ring back on.

But, Larry, I haven't finished washing the dishes yet.

Oh, forget the dishes, no wife of mine

is going to be doing dishes.

Now, why don't you just go upstairs

and, uh, plan our wedding.

Bye-bye. Wait a minute!

Wait a minute, girls.

Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

Yes! Balki, we pulled it off.

Now, Jennifer's wearing a genuine diamond

and we can throw this hunk of glass in the garbage.

Cousin, you know, I can't tell the difference between

Jennifer's real diamond and this fake diamond.

Well, Balki, I can understand your confusion.

Of course, to my trained eye it's obvious

this is not a real diamond.

But to the average person like yourself, Balki

there is only one way to tell.

A diamond is the hardest substance in nature.

It can cut glass.

(SQUEAKING)

See? Nothing.

Now if this were a real diamond

there would be a hole right here.

(GLASS SHATTERS)

(INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)

What did you do?

What do you mean, what I did do?

I was just standing here.

You were the one who cut the glass.

No, not the window. The ring.

What did you do with the ring?

I switched it like you told me to.

You switched it? Like you told me to.

Well, then why did you go like this?

Because this means everything's okay.

No, this means everything is okay!

No, cousin, this means

the lead sheep has been neutered.

Oh, my Lord.

Oh, oh, no. Oh, no.

That means that Jennifer still has the fake ring

and she's gonna get it appraised first thing in the morning.

Alright, Balki, we are going to go upstairs

and get that ring back!

(INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)

(SCREAMS)

(SHUSHING)

Just open the window.

Balki, my eyes!

Come on.

Cousin? C...

I've dreamed of being in Jennifer's bedroom.

I just never thought I'd have to break in.

Here, hold the ring for me.

Mmm.

(MOUTHING WORDS)

Mmm-mmm.

(MOUTHING WORDS)

Ah!

(MOUTHING WORDS)

(MOUTHING WORDS)

(GRUNTS)

(MOUTHING WORDS)

(MOUTHING WORDS)

(MOUTHING WORDS)

(MOUTHING WORDS)

Oh.

JENNIFER: Hmm.

(MOUTHING WORDS)

(MOUTHING WORDS)

Ow!

Mary Anne, what was that?

I can't see! Oh, God, I'm blind!

Take off the mask.

We go through this every morning!

My God, my ring is gone!

(SCREAMS)

Would you be quiet?

They may still be here.

Now, come on, let's check.

(WHISPERS)

Okay. Here.

I want the pink one.

Let's check. Okay.

LARRY: Come on!

(GRUNTING)

Hello.

Put down the doll and let's get outta here!

I... Come on.

Larry! Balki! What are you doing?

We heard Mary Anne scream and we came right up.

Is everything okay?

It's taken me a few tries

but this is the engagement ring you can keep.

It's smaller than the others...

Oh, Larry, I love this ring.

The other diamond was too big. It wasn't my style.

And I'm glad you could buy your car back.

Cousin Larry got a really great deal.

He was able to buy it back

for only $200 more than he sold it for.

Boy, Larry, doing things the hard way

sure comes easy to you.

Well, I meant well.

I just wanted you to have the best.

I have the best. I have you.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)