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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:21,720 --> 00:00:23,711 (Traffic passing) 2 00:00:32,720 --> 00:00:36,998 I once went out with a girl and we were both going to kill ourselves. 3 00:00:37,040 --> 00:00:39,076 It turned out one of us wasn't serious. 4 00:00:51,400 --> 00:00:54,039 Oh, man, look at her. 5 00:00:54,840 --> 00:00:58,753 - She's beautiful. - That is one fit bird. 6 00:00:59,640 --> 00:01:03,030 - Can't believe we're going to see one. - From Franco, yeah? 7 00:01:03,080 --> 00:01:05,594 Er... no. Gary Cooper got it from Magee. 8 00:01:06,760 --> 00:01:09,354 OK. 9 00:01:09,400 --> 00:01:11,994 As soon as she's in, I'm out. 10 00:01:35,760 --> 00:01:38,354 Heavenly Father, and your son, Jesus Christ, 11 00:01:38,400 --> 00:01:41,392 you have given us a true faith and a sure hope. 12 00:01:41,440 --> 00:01:43,908 Help us to believe in the communion of saints, 13 00:01:43,960 --> 00:01:47,839 the forgiveness of sins and the resurrection to eternal life, 14 00:01:47,880 --> 00:01:50,713 through your dear son, Jesus Christ, our Lord. 15 00:01:51,720 --> 00:01:55,315 O gracious God, enable us to listen lovingly to your word. 16 00:01:55,360 --> 00:01:59,194 May we console each other with the message you proclaim, 17 00:01:59,240 --> 00:02:03,836 so, finding light in darkness and faith in the midst of doubt, 18 00:02:03,880 --> 00:02:06,713 through Jesus Christ, our Lord, amen. 19 00:02:11,600 --> 00:02:13,716 OK. Let's go. 20 00:02:13,760 --> 00:02:17,389 - Are you sure you want to do this? - Yeah. Why? 21 00:02:17,440 --> 00:02:21,069 - You know, she was your mum... - You heard the man. Let's go. Let's do it. 22 00:02:21,120 --> 00:02:22,792 Show me that picture. 23 00:02:25,680 --> 00:02:27,398 We're coming, baby. 24 00:02:28,480 --> 00:02:30,948 (The Coral: Dreaming Of You) 25 00:02:38,120 --> 00:02:41,271 It's up in my heart when it skips a beat 26 00:02:41,320 --> 00:02:42,799 Skips a beat 27 00:02:42,840 --> 00:02:46,150 Can't feel no pavement right under my feet 28 00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:47,519 Under my feet 29 00:02:47,560 --> 00:02:49,835 Up in my lonely room 30 00:02:49,880 --> 00:02:52,155 When I'm dreaming of you 31 00:02:52,200 --> 00:02:54,509 Oh, what can I do? 32 00:02:54,560 --> 00:02:58,633 I still need you, but I don't want you now... 33 00:03:05,400 --> 00:03:07,277 All birders keep lists. 34 00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:09,550 British lists, country lists, 35 00:03:09,600 --> 00:03:11,431 birds fed from the hand list. 36 00:03:11,480 --> 00:03:14,870 My own party piece was a coot on the end of a banana. 37 00:03:14,920 --> 00:03:16,797 200 and you lose beginner status. 38 00:03:16,840 --> 00:03:18,717 300 and there's a few rarities. 39 00:03:18,760 --> 00:03:22,878 Four and, well, I doubt you'd find many of us over four. 40 00:03:31,680 --> 00:03:33,352 We've been set up, boys. 41 00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:37,757 Gary Cooper wouldn't do that. 42 00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:40,268 Gary Cooper? 43 00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:43,630 Gary Cooper, the guy that Bish stole the bins off in the Orkneys? 44 00:03:43,680 --> 00:03:46,035 - Fuck off, I found them. - Yeah, round his neck. 45 00:03:47,720 --> 00:03:49,836 Fuck's sake. Fuck. Fuck! 46 00:03:49,880 --> 00:03:51,472 Five hours, boys. 47 00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:54,911 For fuck's sake. 48 00:04:02,240 --> 00:04:04,595 - Fuckin' hell! What was that? - Stop, stop, stop! 49 00:04:04,640 --> 00:04:06,631 Grab your bins, grab your bins! 50 00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:13,191 - You got it? - Yeah. 51 00:04:14,280 --> 00:04:17,033 - Whoo! - American kestrel! 52 00:04:17,080 --> 00:04:18,957 (Laughs) 53 00:04:21,680 --> 00:04:24,399 - Loser. - Erm... We want to be sure. 54 00:04:24,440 --> 00:04:27,796 Just because I don't have expensive books doesn't mean you know more than me. 55 00:04:27,840 --> 00:04:30,274 American kestrel, only two ever seen in the UK. 56 00:04:30,320 --> 00:04:33,198 Aah! Get in there! 57 00:04:38,080 --> 00:04:40,071 Whoo! 58 00:04:41,800 --> 00:04:44,189 Fuck! 59 00:04:44,240 --> 00:04:46,231 Oh, my God! 60 00:04:53,240 --> 00:04:54,434 My God. 61 00:05:00,160 --> 00:05:05,712 Joke is, as soon as a bird goes on your list, it becomes worthless. 62 00:05:36,240 --> 00:05:38,231 Hi. 63 00:05:42,320 --> 00:05:45,118 We thought you weren't even going to turn up to the funeral, 64 00:05:45,160 --> 00:05:47,549 and then you ran off without saying anything. 65 00:05:47,600 --> 00:05:49,989 I needed to be on my own. 66 00:05:50,040 --> 00:05:51,598 (Door opens) 67 00:05:55,840 --> 00:05:58,400 I don't think it's a good idea for you to be here right now. 68 00:05:58,440 --> 00:06:02,194 You don't go near your sister. That's the rule. 69 00:06:02,240 --> 00:06:03,468 Can we talk? 70 00:06:03,520 --> 00:06:07,354 - He's not going to apologise, Elaine. - Does being you ever give you a headache? 71 00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:11,188 - If it wasn't for her, you'd be in prison. - Prison or having me sectioned. 72 00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:12,798 Was that a tough call for you, Mike? 73 00:06:12,840 --> 00:06:15,718 Look, you just can't walk in here and expect us to let you stay. 74 00:06:15,760 --> 00:06:20,072 Mum left this place to me and Elaine. All right? 75 00:06:23,320 --> 00:06:26,517 I'm too tired. Just let him stay if he wants. 76 00:06:38,280 --> 00:06:40,271 Welcome home. 77 00:06:55,640 --> 00:06:58,200 What's going on? 78 00:06:58,240 --> 00:07:00,071 Looking for a bird. 79 00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:05,915 - A white-crowned sparrow. - What are you gonna do? Kill it? 80 00:07:07,080 --> 00:07:09,071 No, we just want to look at it. 81 00:07:10,040 --> 00:07:11,758 Why? 82 00:07:12,760 --> 00:07:14,478 It's what we do. 83 00:07:16,720 --> 00:07:18,278 What's the point? 84 00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:23,229 There is no point. 85 00:07:32,600 --> 00:07:36,718 - All right, mate. - Hey, you took your time. 86 00:07:36,760 --> 00:07:39,274 Hello, Cameron. You all right, mate? 87 00:07:39,320 --> 00:07:42,630 Looks like every twat and their brother's gonna come here today. 88 00:07:42,680 --> 00:07:44,318 Let's just hope Gary Cooper shows, 89 00:07:44,360 --> 00:07:47,716 so I can insert these bins in his arse for sending us up that mountain. 90 00:07:47,760 --> 00:07:50,832 I'm gonna insert this in his arse for sending us up that mountain. 91 00:07:51,880 --> 00:07:54,348 - Fancy a coffee? - Yeah. 92 00:07:58,560 --> 00:08:02,348 Ah, I think I've left my wallet in the car, man. 93 00:08:02,400 --> 00:08:04,391 Do you fancy coming with us? 94 00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:07,759 (Coins clicking) 95 00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:10,792 - Yeah, all right. Call me if it turns up, yeah? - Yeah. 96 00:08:47,720 --> 00:08:49,711 (Australian accent) Think birdie will show? 97 00:08:51,840 --> 00:08:55,150 - Dunno. - You sure about that one? 98 00:08:57,640 --> 00:09:00,837 I like this. Long life, right? 99 00:09:02,320 --> 00:09:05,357 No, it's to ward off evil spirits. 100 00:09:08,040 --> 00:09:10,031 Come here, pal. 101 00:09:11,080 --> 00:09:14,356 - You shouldn't get your coffee there. - Pardon me? 102 00:09:14,400 --> 00:09:16,595 They don't buy from free traders. 103 00:09:18,080 --> 00:09:22,198 Well, no one else round here does grande mocha frappe orange syrup cappuccino 104 00:09:22,240 --> 00:09:24,231 with extra fuckin' froth, thank you very much, 105 00:09:24,280 --> 00:09:26,714 so the free traders can kiss my Scottish cock. 106 00:09:26,760 --> 00:09:28,716 Nice. 107 00:09:29,600 --> 00:09:32,114 Cameron needs you. 108 00:09:32,160 --> 00:09:36,153 - What? - He wants a word with you. 109 00:09:37,720 --> 00:09:39,597 About what? 110 00:09:39,640 --> 00:09:41,471 Birds? I don't know. 111 00:09:49,960 --> 00:09:51,951 (Bish coughs) 112 00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:55,351 Yes, Cameron? 113 00:09:56,240 --> 00:09:57,673 Er... Yeah. 114 00:09:57,720 --> 00:10:00,553 What's the difference between a white-throated sparrow 115 00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:02,033 and a white-crested sparrow? 116 00:10:04,560 --> 00:10:07,279 A white-throated sparrow has a white throat. 117 00:10:07,320 --> 00:10:10,153 Yeah. Erm... Yeah. 118 00:10:27,280 --> 00:10:30,317 - You again. - What are you drawing? 119 00:10:31,600 --> 00:10:35,149 - Ibis. Where'd you see that? - Venezuela. 120 00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:38,510 - What were you doing there? - I went to find myself. 121 00:10:38,560 --> 00:10:40,710 - Did you? - Not really. 122 00:10:41,680 --> 00:10:43,671 But I didn't look that hard. 123 00:10:45,200 --> 00:10:47,714 You could make money out of drawings like that. 124 00:10:53,160 --> 00:10:55,913 - How much? - First one's free. 125 00:10:58,480 --> 00:11:00,436 So, what are you up to now, then? 126 00:11:00,480 --> 00:11:03,313 - Going to my meeting. - What sort of meeting? 127 00:11:03,360 --> 00:11:05,555 Protect The Badger. 128 00:11:06,560 --> 00:11:11,588 Don't laugh. Badgers have been in this country for thousands of years. 129 00:11:11,640 --> 00:11:12,959 What have they ever done to us? 130 00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:16,231 Yeah, I was told that you should never look one in the eye. 131 00:11:17,240 --> 00:11:19,913 Right. Bye, then. 132 00:11:20,880 --> 00:11:23,440 Wait a sec. What if... What if I want to see you again? 133 00:11:26,840 --> 00:11:28,717 (Chuckles) 134 00:11:32,840 --> 00:11:35,832 Here's what I have to show for my 22 years. 135 00:11:35,880 --> 00:11:39,429 An intimate knowledge of cleaning products, 136 00:11:39,480 --> 00:11:41,232 and the beginning of housemaid's knee. 137 00:11:42,920 --> 00:11:46,469 We've all got a bit of the obsessive compulsive in us. 138 00:11:46,520 --> 00:11:51,640 Just that I let mine out. A godsend in this job. 139 00:11:51,680 --> 00:11:54,353 (Clap Your Hands Say Yeah: Is This Love?) 140 00:11:54,400 --> 00:11:59,713 I see you're climbing a tree and I know 141 00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:04,356 That it's easier to be up high in the air than on... 142 00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:08,398 I go four times the speed of your average char. 143 00:12:09,720 --> 00:12:12,393 So there's always time to kill. 144 00:12:31,880 --> 00:12:33,871 I got ya. 145 00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:36,115 (People shouting angrily) 146 00:12:36,160 --> 00:12:38,549 - (Man) Murderers! - (Police siren) 147 00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:42,513 Why do you want to see falcons? 148 00:12:42,560 --> 00:12:45,120 It's not like we haven't ticked them a million years ago. 149 00:12:45,160 --> 00:12:47,833 - You didn't have to come. - But you're the Zen master twitcher. 150 00:12:47,880 --> 00:12:50,519 - (Bish) Where you go, we follow. - We don't want to miss a thing. 151 00:12:50,560 --> 00:12:53,154 - It doesn't have to be about the tick. - What do you mean? 152 00:12:53,200 --> 00:12:56,749 Say someone saw a jackdaw in Richmond Park. You wouldn't give a fuck. 153 00:12:56,800 --> 00:13:00,395 But say someone saw it in wetlands, you'd want to have a look, yeah? 154 00:13:00,440 --> 00:13:04,069 What, so a list of birds in non-typical environments? 155 00:13:04,120 --> 00:13:06,111 A contextual tick? 156 00:13:07,200 --> 00:13:09,236 I quite like that. 157 00:13:32,160 --> 00:13:33,878 (Bell dings) 158 00:13:39,520 --> 00:13:41,988 (Crowd shouting outside) 159 00:13:57,480 --> 00:13:59,198 (Bell dings) 160 00:14:17,800 --> 00:14:19,791 (Distant shouting) 161 00:14:24,760 --> 00:14:26,751 What? 162 00:14:33,560 --> 00:14:35,039 Bloody hell! 163 00:14:35,080 --> 00:14:37,389 Whoo-hoo! 164 00:14:38,120 --> 00:14:39,951 (Crystal Castles: Crimewave) 165 00:14:43,760 --> 00:14:44,715 Whoo! 166 00:14:52,320 --> 00:14:54,515 Stay where you are. 167 00:14:56,760 --> 00:14:58,034 Come on, back here! 168 00:15:06,760 --> 00:15:09,069 Don't be stupid now. 169 00:15:20,080 --> 00:15:21,718 (Whistles) 170 00:15:27,920 --> 00:15:29,911 Control from four-five. 171 00:15:42,040 --> 00:15:46,352 - Four-five from Control. - Erm... Four-five. We've got them. 172 00:15:46,400 --> 00:15:48,868 Four-five. We've got them, fifth floor. 173 00:15:51,520 --> 00:15:53,636 Oi! 174 00:15:53,680 --> 00:15:55,477 - Whoo! - Oi! 175 00:16:11,280 --> 00:16:13,271 Whoooo! 176 00:16:16,960 --> 00:16:18,678 Wait, wait, wait, wait. 177 00:16:22,120 --> 00:16:24,475 Come on. 178 00:16:24,520 --> 00:16:26,511 (Angry shouting and jeering) 179 00:16:28,400 --> 00:16:30,391 (Distant sirens) 180 00:16:35,840 --> 00:16:37,831 You again, huh? 181 00:16:39,680 --> 00:16:41,671 Yeah, me. 182 00:16:45,360 --> 00:16:49,433 I can't believe you were going to do it on your own. I thought we had a deal. 183 00:16:51,200 --> 00:16:54,272 - You shouldn't have just left me. - I'd have come back. 184 00:16:56,280 --> 00:16:58,271 You needed to be patient. 185 00:17:07,440 --> 00:17:10,034 That's not even a proper incision. That's a bloody poser's cut. 186 00:17:10,080 --> 00:17:11,195 (Screams) 187 00:17:11,240 --> 00:17:12,639 Fuck off. 188 00:17:12,680 --> 00:17:14,671 I got interrupted. 189 00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:21,640 I must be the only bloke who tried to kill himself 190 00:17:21,680 --> 00:17:24,148 and in the process nearly killed his sister. 191 00:17:25,160 --> 00:17:27,549 What happened? 192 00:17:27,600 --> 00:17:31,195 She came in when I was doing it 193 00:17:31,240 --> 00:17:34,516 and tried to stop me and... 194 00:17:34,560 --> 00:17:39,156 ...somehow I managed to hit her brachial artery. 195 00:17:44,760 --> 00:17:46,910 I came to see you. 196 00:17:47,920 --> 00:17:49,911 They wouldn't let me in. 197 00:17:52,960 --> 00:17:54,951 Didn't they tell you? 198 00:17:58,720 --> 00:18:00,472 Why did you come? 199 00:18:03,080 --> 00:18:06,516 - Because I missed you. - So much you went off to South America. 200 00:18:06,560 --> 00:18:08,949 I didn't really have much of a choice, did I? 201 00:18:09,920 --> 00:18:12,912 For some reason, they thought we were a bad influence on each other. 202 00:18:12,960 --> 00:18:15,110 Yeah. I wonder why. 203 00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:21,513 - It wasn't just because of me, was it? - Don't be stupid. 204 00:18:23,240 --> 00:18:25,879 It felt like it was my fault. 205 00:18:34,720 --> 00:18:37,678 So you're still sticking to your plan, then, huh? 206 00:18:38,520 --> 00:18:40,556 Tick 500 birds and then... 207 00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:44,439 That's genius. 208 00:18:44,480 --> 00:18:47,153 Well, that's me. I'm a genius. 209 00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:53,756 So, how many are you on now, bird boy, hmm? 210 00:18:55,600 --> 00:18:58,478 You really want to know? 211 00:18:58,520 --> 00:19:00,511 Mm-hm. 212 00:19:01,800 --> 00:19:04,519 Four hundred and ninety-eight. 213 00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:08,151 Fuck. 214 00:19:10,640 --> 00:19:13,791 Oh, well, better find you two more, then, huh? 215 00:19:13,840 --> 00:19:17,355 - What about you? - What about me? 216 00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:21,793 - Are you still gonna? - Of course I'm not. 217 00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:25,475 It was just a phase. 218 00:19:26,920 --> 00:19:28,990 Right. 219 00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:33,270 So, how many people have you slept with since I split us up? 220 00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:37,349 I don't know. 221 00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:39,994 - I'd have to think about it. - Go on, then. 222 00:19:42,120 --> 00:19:44,315 None. 223 00:19:44,360 --> 00:19:46,954 Ask me how many I have. 224 00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:49,389 - No. - Do you want to hear about Venezuela? 225 00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:52,431 Not really. 226 00:19:52,480 --> 00:19:55,995 I forgot your idea of living is hanging out with bird-watchers. 227 00:20:04,520 --> 00:20:06,636 I've got to get off. 228 00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:09,792 - OK. - I'm this way. 229 00:20:14,160 --> 00:20:16,833 - Maybe see you again. - Yeah, maybe. 230 00:20:16,880 --> 00:20:18,871 Yeah? 231 00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:21,791 All right. 232 00:20:24,040 --> 00:20:26,235 (John Matthias: Blind Lead The Blind) 233 00:20:37,280 --> 00:20:39,077 A man, he told me 234 00:20:39,120 --> 00:20:44,114 2003, when preaching from a carved-out wooden pulpit 235 00:20:44,160 --> 00:20:47,311 That I could be saved by his deity 236 00:20:47,360 --> 00:20:50,716 His puckered mouth, his eyes screwed up, he knew it 237 00:20:58,040 --> 00:21:00,031 Morning. 238 00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:04,195 Nikko, what the hell do you think you're doing? 239 00:21:04,240 --> 00:21:06,708 Not much. What are you doing? 240 00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:09,991 Thanks. 241 00:21:11,960 --> 00:21:14,474 This is Linda. She's selling the house for us. 242 00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:16,958 Hello, Linda. 243 00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:19,560 Calm down. Anyone'd think you'd not seen an estate agent before. 244 00:21:19,600 --> 00:21:21,591 - Don't you have your own flat? - Don't you have teeth to pull? 245 00:21:21,640 --> 00:21:23,596 Mike, that's what he wants. 246 00:21:24,720 --> 00:21:27,598 What? 247 00:21:42,680 --> 00:21:44,875 Well, my next client must be just... 248 00:21:44,920 --> 00:21:46,239 Linda, I'm really sorry. 249 00:21:46,280 --> 00:21:49,431 - Look, I'm really sorry. - My next appointment is probably waiting. 250 00:21:49,480 --> 00:21:51,471 So, erm... 251 00:21:52,560 --> 00:21:55,393 ...if you're looking to buy after you sell, 252 00:21:55,440 --> 00:21:57,635 do give me a call, we'll sort something out. 253 00:21:57,680 --> 00:21:59,875 Okey-dokey. 254 00:21:59,920 --> 00:22:02,388 - Lovely place. Lovely place. - Thank you. 255 00:22:10,160 --> 00:22:12,151 She was nice. 256 00:22:33,880 --> 00:22:35,438 (Doorbell rings) 257 00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:43,312 Hiya. I'm Tamara from W8 Cleaning Agency. 258 00:22:43,360 --> 00:22:47,114 We're just doing a few spot checks. Just a few yes and nos, really. 259 00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:49,435 - Hope you don't mind. - No. 260 00:22:49,480 --> 00:22:50,993 Did your cleaner arrive on time? 261 00:22:51,040 --> 00:22:54,430 - Yes, he did. - Does he come appropriately dressed? 262 00:22:54,480 --> 00:22:56,072 Yes. 263 00:22:56,120 --> 00:22:59,237 Erm, does he ever use profanities in front of you? 264 00:22:59,280 --> 00:23:01,510 I don't think so. 265 00:23:01,560 --> 00:23:04,074 Has he ever made a pass at you or anyone else in your family, 266 00:23:04,120 --> 00:23:06,031 not your husband or your children or anyone? 267 00:23:06,080 --> 00:23:07,274 Excuse me? 268 00:23:07,320 --> 00:23:09,515 Can I have a quick word, if that's all right? Thanks. 269 00:23:17,920 --> 00:23:19,239 Shooo! 270 00:23:23,040 --> 00:23:25,713 So what do you use for limescale? 271 00:23:25,760 --> 00:23:27,398 Hmm, Lime-A-Way. 272 00:23:27,440 --> 00:23:29,590 And what do you use for self-harm? 273 00:23:30,680 --> 00:23:32,557 - Don't do it any more. - When you did? 274 00:23:32,600 --> 00:23:34,272 Cook's knife, non-serrated. 275 00:23:34,320 --> 00:23:38,199 - Not razor blades? - Razors are for pussies. 276 00:23:40,120 --> 00:23:42,509 So, how come you've stopped? 277 00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:48,515 Well, nothing... 278 00:23:49,400 --> 00:23:52,836 lasts... forever. 279 00:24:08,720 --> 00:24:11,109 So you have changed? 280 00:24:16,320 --> 00:24:18,311 Good for you. 281 00:24:23,480 --> 00:24:26,916 Look, I've got ammonia on my hands. 282 00:24:30,640 --> 00:24:33,029 Keep them to yourself. 283 00:24:45,720 --> 00:24:48,393 - See you next week. - See you next week. Cheers. 284 00:24:56,400 --> 00:24:57,913 You again. 285 00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:03,356 So, did they make you wear orange pyjamas in the loony bin? 286 00:25:05,280 --> 00:25:07,077 Don't call it that. 287 00:25:09,120 --> 00:25:10,951 What was it like? 288 00:25:17,080 --> 00:25:19,548 What's going on? 289 00:25:21,120 --> 00:25:23,190 Why? 290 00:25:24,520 --> 00:25:27,273 Do you want to be my boyfriend again, hmm? 291 00:25:30,400 --> 00:25:32,391 If you want to go out, then ask me. 292 00:25:40,320 --> 00:25:43,437 But if you do, we'll be having some boundaries this time. 293 00:25:45,200 --> 00:25:48,875 Say we go out and then, for whatever reason, 294 00:25:48,920 --> 00:25:52,435 I decide not to go out with you any more, you can't try and kill yourself again, OK? 295 00:25:52,480 --> 00:25:54,755 Do you think you can do that? 296 00:25:57,320 --> 00:25:59,993 Yeah, OK. 297 00:26:00,040 --> 00:26:01,712 I'll be wanting some wooing. 298 00:26:02,680 --> 00:26:05,797 Girls need romance, so you'd better take me somewhere nice. 299 00:26:07,240 --> 00:26:09,595 I'll take you somewhere nice. 300 00:26:09,640 --> 00:26:11,710 (Birds calling) 301 00:26:22,680 --> 00:26:25,513 - Is this a fucking joke? - You might like it. 302 00:26:29,080 --> 00:26:31,230 Come on. 303 00:26:32,240 --> 00:26:34,549 So what do we do now? 304 00:26:34,600 --> 00:26:38,388 We walk around, look for birds. 305 00:26:39,800 --> 00:26:41,791 We get cold. 306 00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:45,230 Being near water's good for depression. 307 00:26:45,280 --> 00:26:46,952 I'm not depressed. 308 00:26:47,000 --> 00:26:48,991 All right, no one said you were. 309 00:26:50,000 --> 00:26:53,390 So, shouldn't we be, like, ticking things off lists or something? 310 00:26:53,440 --> 00:26:56,512 Five points if you spot socks and sandals. 311 00:26:56,560 --> 00:26:58,835 Ten if you see a kid being slapped. 312 00:27:16,040 --> 00:27:17,792 All righty. 313 00:27:18,520 --> 00:27:21,671 Black-tailed godwit, a pair of green sandpipers. 314 00:27:21,720 --> 00:27:24,792 - (Laughs) - What? 315 00:27:24,840 --> 00:27:26,239 Nothing. 316 00:27:26,280 --> 00:27:28,316 - Nothing. - Don't be like that. Come on. 317 00:27:28,360 --> 00:27:30,920 - If you get into it, you might enjoy it. - Sorry, Dad! 318 00:27:30,960 --> 00:27:34,635 - It's like being with a spoilt child. - You can slap me if you want. 319 00:27:37,160 --> 00:27:39,151 - Nikko. - What? 320 00:27:40,280 --> 00:27:42,271 Hey. 321 00:27:46,600 --> 00:27:48,591 - What? - Can I have a kiss? 322 00:28:05,920 --> 00:28:07,911 Show me your world. 323 00:28:09,920 --> 00:28:11,911 Come on, then. 324 00:28:16,720 --> 00:28:19,029 - Phwoar, Jesus, it's a bit whiffy. - Shh! 325 00:28:41,280 --> 00:28:42,269 (Tweeting) 326 00:28:42,320 --> 00:28:44,311 Yeah, OK. 327 00:28:45,040 --> 00:28:47,838 OK, just on the edge of the marsh. 328 00:28:47,880 --> 00:28:49,871 Keep them still. 329 00:28:52,400 --> 00:28:54,391 A pair of green sandpipers. 330 00:28:55,400 --> 00:28:57,960 - Oh, yeah. - Yeah. 331 00:28:58,000 --> 00:29:00,309 Cute. 332 00:29:00,360 --> 00:29:03,557 I'm just not sure if I can get quite as excited at it as you. 333 00:29:03,600 --> 00:29:05,591 Keep watching. Keep watching. 334 00:29:07,400 --> 00:29:09,516 I want to be excited. 335 00:29:23,880 --> 00:29:25,950 Mmm. 336 00:29:27,040 --> 00:29:29,031 (Gasps) 337 00:29:29,760 --> 00:29:32,718 - (Distant aeroplane) - Solitary things, they are. 338 00:29:34,680 --> 00:29:38,116 It's quite rare to see them in a pair. Keep watching. 339 00:29:38,160 --> 00:29:40,913 I am watching. 340 00:29:40,960 --> 00:29:43,758 Probably just come in from somewhere cold. 341 00:29:43,800 --> 00:29:45,995 (Gasps) 342 00:29:46,040 --> 00:29:47,792 Shh. 343 00:29:47,840 --> 00:29:51,037 - (Aeroplane noise intensifying) - Can you see the dark back? 344 00:29:52,320 --> 00:29:54,629 Beautiful head and breast. 345 00:29:54,680 --> 00:29:56,671 Mmm. 346 00:29:57,840 --> 00:30:00,559 You can't quite see, but they've got pale underparts. 347 00:30:03,720 --> 00:30:06,598 They're not breeding adults, those. 348 00:30:06,640 --> 00:30:08,835 They're far too immature. 349 00:30:08,880 --> 00:30:10,871 (Moans) 350 00:30:16,640 --> 00:30:18,631 Mmm. 351 00:30:19,680 --> 00:30:22,513 Good while it lasted, though, wasn't it? 352 00:30:23,880 --> 00:30:25,757 (She laughs) 353 00:30:29,280 --> 00:30:31,271 I'm falling off. 354 00:30:32,840 --> 00:30:35,308 (Sign buzzing faintly) 355 00:30:43,680 --> 00:30:47,036 So... I got my bonus. 356 00:30:47,920 --> 00:30:50,798 - Oh, right. Cool. - Yeah, I got it ages ago. 357 00:30:50,840 --> 00:30:51,795 Mm-hm. 358 00:30:51,840 --> 00:30:55,389 Yeah, I was meant to cash my cheque a few months ago, but I forgot. 359 00:30:56,400 --> 00:30:57,958 I just put it in a drawer. 360 00:31:01,720 --> 00:31:04,837 Oh, no. He's brought Yoko. 361 00:31:04,880 --> 00:31:07,030 - All right? - (Bish) All right. 362 00:31:07,840 --> 00:31:11,230 - So this is your special place, Bish? - The best cafe in London. 363 00:31:11,280 --> 00:31:13,111 All right? 364 00:31:14,960 --> 00:31:17,315 - Do you want something to eat? - Erm... Yeah. 365 00:31:17,360 --> 00:31:18,918 What's good, mate? 366 00:31:18,960 --> 00:31:21,838 Er... Bacon sangies, 367 00:31:21,880 --> 00:31:23,757 sausage and beans. 368 00:31:23,800 --> 00:31:25,836 You can get an extra black pudding for 60p. 369 00:31:25,880 --> 00:31:29,270 Hmm, you know what? I'll be all right. I'm vegan. 370 00:31:29,320 --> 00:31:31,550 Oh, yeah. Sorry, I forgot. 371 00:31:34,960 --> 00:31:38,077 (Stumbling) Erm... Dubler boczek 372 00:31:38,120 --> 00:31:41,476 kanapka... prosic. 373 00:31:44,480 --> 00:31:48,155 Can I just have a doughnut and a cappuccino, please? 374 00:31:48,200 --> 00:31:50,634 Yeah, a cup of tea, please. 375 00:31:50,680 --> 00:31:54,355 (Stevie) I'll just have a glass of water, please. 376 00:31:55,040 --> 00:31:58,874 Bish, are you learning to speak Polish? 377 00:31:58,920 --> 00:32:02,117 Erm... Well... Well, yeah. 378 00:32:02,160 --> 00:32:04,879 I'm trying to broaden my horizons. 379 00:32:04,920 --> 00:32:08,071 - Cool. - Stevie's just been in Venezuela. 380 00:32:09,440 --> 00:32:12,113 You do know that doughnuts are loaded with animal fat? 381 00:32:12,160 --> 00:32:14,799 - Yeah. - What is it with you lot? 382 00:32:14,840 --> 00:32:17,115 You seem to think every time someone buys a bag of crisps 383 00:32:17,160 --> 00:32:18,798 a kangaroo fucking dies. 384 00:32:18,840 --> 00:32:20,512 Oh, yeah, that's it exactly. 385 00:32:20,560 --> 00:32:24,838 Look, you can go on all the marches you like, nothing's ever gonna change. 386 00:32:24,880 --> 00:32:29,158 Fine, let's all just sit here and eat processed meat until our colons rot. 387 00:32:29,200 --> 00:32:32,078 Mmm! Yummy! 388 00:32:32,120 --> 00:32:36,318 We did have a message about Owen Whittle. He's going around Epping Forest. 389 00:32:36,360 --> 00:32:38,112 Oh, for fuck's sake! 390 00:32:38,160 --> 00:32:41,755 - Who's Owen Whittle? - He steals rare eggs out of nests. 391 00:32:41,800 --> 00:32:45,998 He's an egg collector. The twitcher's biggest enemy. 392 00:32:46,040 --> 00:32:48,918 It's been illegal since the '60s, but some people still do it. 393 00:32:48,960 --> 00:32:53,590 - Well, you should do something. - There's no point. 394 00:32:53,640 --> 00:32:55,756 Well, of course there's a point. 395 00:32:55,800 --> 00:32:59,793 If he steals all the eggs, there won't be any birds left for you to see, will there? 396 00:32:59,840 --> 00:33:02,115 Duh? 397 00:33:02,160 --> 00:33:04,628 (John Matthias: Spinnaker) 398 00:33:07,280 --> 00:33:13,389 Well, it's late and I can't tell if the wind is blowing my way 399 00:33:13,440 --> 00:33:19,595 It's just my luck I'm on the inside 400 00:33:19,640 --> 00:33:23,030 And my fate hangs in the balance 401 00:33:23,080 --> 00:33:24,798 I believe in the breeze 402 00:33:24,840 --> 00:33:30,597 I can tell that you've got to put your spinnaker up before you hoist the mainsail 403 00:33:31,560 --> 00:33:33,676 Nine, ten, jack and you hold... 404 00:33:49,400 --> 00:33:52,756 - Can you believe we found him? - No, I think we should go back. 405 00:33:52,800 --> 00:33:54,677 What if they're ready to hatch? 406 00:33:54,720 --> 00:33:58,110 Embryo solvent. He injects the eggs with... 407 00:33:59,360 --> 00:34:00,713 - Yeah. - What? 408 00:34:00,760 --> 00:34:02,955 I know. 409 00:34:03,000 --> 00:34:05,639 Look at him climb. He's like a fucking squirrel. 410 00:34:05,680 --> 00:34:08,399 Stevie, Stevie, Stevie, what are you doing? 411 00:34:08,440 --> 00:34:10,431 (Whispers) Stevie! Stevie! 412 00:34:10,480 --> 00:34:12,436 (Nikko) It's all right, he doesn't know her. 413 00:34:16,400 --> 00:34:20,188 - What the fuck are you doing? - None of your business. Move on, girly. 414 00:34:22,720 --> 00:34:25,792 - What, are you gonna throw a rock at me? - Yeah, actually, I am. 415 00:34:26,600 --> 00:34:30,275 - Fucking hell. - Feel good, huh? Wanker! 416 00:34:30,320 --> 00:34:32,788 - Don't make me come down there. - I want you to come down here. 417 00:34:32,840 --> 00:34:36,515 - You wouldn't dare. - Oh, yeah? Fucking moron! 418 00:34:37,480 --> 00:34:39,789 - (Screams) - (She laughs) 419 00:34:41,040 --> 00:34:43,270 Oh, you big fucking man! 420 00:34:43,320 --> 00:34:45,276 - Get off! Get the fuck off! - Big fucking man! 421 00:34:45,320 --> 00:34:48,392 - Killing innocent creatures! - Get her off me! 422 00:34:48,440 --> 00:34:51,432 All right, Owen? Stevie, fancy seeing you here. 423 00:34:51,480 --> 00:34:55,598 - Where'd you get your information, eh? - Tell us and we'll let you down. 424 00:34:55,640 --> 00:34:58,200 What are you doing out here? Just hanging out? 425 00:34:58,240 --> 00:34:59,355 All right, Owen? 426 00:34:59,400 --> 00:35:02,631 - Fuck you! Fuck! - Hey, hey, hey! 427 00:35:02,680 --> 00:35:05,194 - Come on, leave it. - Jesus fucking Christ! 428 00:35:05,240 --> 00:35:08,152 Hey? What're you doing? 429 00:35:08,200 --> 00:35:11,875 I told you, she's a nutter. Always was, always fucking will be! 430 00:35:11,920 --> 00:35:14,639 - Why don't we all calm down? - Shut up, bitch, or you're next! 431 00:35:14,680 --> 00:35:17,433 - Right. - Oi, oi, oi, oi! 432 00:35:19,480 --> 00:35:21,869 Happy now, eh? Happy now? 433 00:35:24,320 --> 00:35:27,676 - Why don't you just fuck off, Skippy? - Don't fucking speak to her like that. 434 00:35:27,720 --> 00:35:30,792 Oh, right, I see. Like that, then, is it, hey? 435 00:35:30,840 --> 00:35:33,479 She's managed to worm her way right back in. 436 00:35:34,440 --> 00:35:36,431 I don't get you lot. 437 00:35:38,080 --> 00:35:41,755 Claim to be into birds, but not enough to do anything to save them. 438 00:35:45,280 --> 00:35:47,236 OK, bye. See ya. 439 00:35:47,280 --> 00:35:51,239 - Shut up, mate. - You're so much better off without that. 440 00:35:55,200 --> 00:35:57,191 Stevie! 441 00:35:59,200 --> 00:36:00,394 Stevie. 442 00:36:43,600 --> 00:36:46,831 She'd never talk about Australia. 443 00:36:48,240 --> 00:36:50,959 It's like it never existed. 444 00:36:53,360 --> 00:36:55,351 (The Do: Playground Hustle) 445 00:37:04,480 --> 00:37:06,471 (Stevie laughs) 446 00:37:07,440 --> 00:37:08,429 Girls! 447 00:37:08,480 --> 00:37:12,359 We are not crazy 448 00:37:13,400 --> 00:37:18,554 We are not afraid of you grown-ups 449 00:37:18,600 --> 00:37:23,310 We'll go ask the queen of this kingdom 450 00:37:23,360 --> 00:37:28,150 If you won't let us play with screws and hammers 451 00:37:40,160 --> 00:37:41,354 Boys! 452 00:37:41,400 --> 00:37:45,279 We are not shady 453 00:37:46,640 --> 00:37:51,395 We are not afraid of you adults 454 00:37:51,440 --> 00:37:56,230 We'll go talk to the king of this kingdom 455 00:37:56,280 --> 00:37:59,955 If you won't let us play with dolls... 456 00:39:17,280 --> 00:39:19,271 Would you like me to do the honours? 457 00:39:22,920 --> 00:39:25,480 Yeah, but you'll need a bigger blade. 458 00:39:27,400 --> 00:39:29,630 Unless you just want to sever... 459 00:39:29,680 --> 00:39:32,478 my recurrent laryngeal nerve. 460 00:39:33,560 --> 00:39:36,472 In which case, 461 00:39:36,520 --> 00:39:41,594 I'll never fucking speak to you again. Literally. 462 00:39:42,800 --> 00:39:46,713 If you had to do it right now, right this second, 463 00:39:49,200 --> 00:39:50,997 how would you do it? 464 00:39:51,040 --> 00:39:52,792 Nitrous oxide. 465 00:39:52,840 --> 00:39:54,831 (Both) Quick, clean and easy. 466 00:39:54,880 --> 00:39:56,871 (Stevie) Mm-hm. 467 00:39:57,960 --> 00:39:59,951 Oh, yeah. 468 00:40:02,040 --> 00:40:04,031 Anything's better than cutting. 469 00:40:11,880 --> 00:40:13,677 (Gas hissing) 470 00:40:50,600 --> 00:40:53,353 (Squeakily) If you commit suicide, don't do it with helium... 471 00:40:53,400 --> 00:40:55,436 (Squeakily)... because that would be really stupid. 472 00:40:55,480 --> 00:40:57,994 - (Screams) - Don't kill yourself with helium. 473 00:41:10,600 --> 00:41:12,955 How did you know that was helium? 474 00:41:13,000 --> 00:41:15,594 - I didn't. - So why did you do it, then? 475 00:41:18,960 --> 00:41:20,916 Cos you did. 476 00:41:20,960 --> 00:41:25,397 So if I jumped out of that window, you'd go and do it too, would you? 477 00:41:36,800 --> 00:41:38,279 I'd like you to go, please. 478 00:41:39,080 --> 00:41:40,638 What? 479 00:41:42,160 --> 00:41:44,151 Will you just go when I ask you to, please? 480 00:41:52,640 --> 00:41:55,632 I give you a glass, you take the whole fucking bottle. 481 00:41:59,520 --> 00:42:02,671 (Bish) She's a big ball of wrong. End of. 482 00:42:02,720 --> 00:42:06,315 And don't think her turning up on the green that day was a coincidence, either. 483 00:42:06,360 --> 00:42:09,397 She wanted to see if I was all right. She'd heard that Mum had died. 484 00:42:10,360 --> 00:42:13,830 - Anyway, why does it matter? - Because she makes you crazy. 485 00:42:13,880 --> 00:42:16,678 Where did you meet her, anyway? Slashmywrists. Com? 486 00:42:18,320 --> 00:42:22,393 Look, we all like a lively bird, but she's cracked. 487 00:42:22,440 --> 00:42:25,671 - You don't know what you're talking about. - I know people like her. 488 00:42:25,720 --> 00:42:28,234 People who say, "The world doesn't understand me 489 00:42:28,280 --> 00:42:30,111 "because I'm so fucking special. 490 00:42:30,160 --> 00:42:32,469 "So let's jump off this bridge together." 491 00:42:32,520 --> 00:42:36,229 And then bozo jumps off and she's left there standing, 492 00:42:36,280 --> 00:42:39,033 saying, "Ho-fucking-hum, I think I've changed my mind." 493 00:42:39,080 --> 00:42:43,232 She's a classic head-fuck, prick-tease, screw-with-your-life, bipolar whack job. 494 00:42:43,280 --> 00:42:46,078 - Is that your appraisal, Doctor? - Yep. 495 00:42:46,120 --> 00:42:48,236 - Right. Thank you. - (Car horn beeps) 496 00:42:53,320 --> 00:42:55,595 And why aren't you taking your medication? 497 00:42:55,640 --> 00:42:57,756 Because it turned me into a fucking zombie. 498 00:42:57,800 --> 00:43:01,236 Being a zombie's better than five kinds of crazy, believe you me. 499 00:43:01,280 --> 00:43:03,430 Look, look, 500 00:43:03,480 --> 00:43:06,358 if you stay with her, it's only going to go one way. 501 00:43:08,520 --> 00:43:11,239 - That's south of the fucking river. - All right, mate, I got it. 502 00:43:12,240 --> 00:43:14,993 OK? I fucking got it. 503 00:43:15,040 --> 00:43:17,031 (The Do: Queen Dot Kong) 504 00:43:19,000 --> 00:43:22,117 It's a little messed up round here, round here, round here 505 00:43:22,160 --> 00:43:24,913 (Bish) Grasshopper warbler's got a scalloped undertail. 506 00:43:24,960 --> 00:43:27,633 - The tips are pale, though. - You won't see one after August. 507 00:43:27,680 --> 00:43:29,636 September, absolute latest. 508 00:43:29,680 --> 00:43:32,513 What are you talking about? Global warming, Bish. 509 00:43:32,560 --> 00:43:34,790 Yeah? I reckon you'd be able to see one in October. 510 00:43:36,480 --> 00:43:39,153 Oh, no. The Brinkerhoffs. 511 00:43:39,200 --> 00:43:41,475 How long have those Dutch prats been working on that? 512 00:43:41,520 --> 00:43:43,556 If they get there before us and spook the bird... 513 00:43:44,600 --> 00:43:47,717 - (Nikko) Erm... Bish, don't. - Oi! Oi! Oi! 514 00:43:47,760 --> 00:43:49,512 Your window. 515 00:43:50,200 --> 00:43:52,156 You go near that shrike before us 516 00:43:52,200 --> 00:43:55,078 and I'll rip your fucking heads off and piss down the hole! 517 00:43:59,960 --> 00:44:01,951 (Nikko) What did they say? 518 00:44:02,000 --> 00:44:03,797 I don't think it was them. 519 00:44:05,440 --> 00:44:07,271 You just ruined someone's day. 520 00:44:07,320 --> 00:44:10,790 Come on, Cameron. Let's have a massage. Just a cheeky one. 521 00:44:11,640 --> 00:44:14,029 - Come on. - Come on, chill out. Relax, man. 522 00:44:17,840 --> 00:44:20,195 (Buzzing) 523 00:44:23,440 --> 00:44:25,192 - Hello? - Hi, it's me. 524 00:44:25,240 --> 00:44:27,595 - Yeah, I know. - What are you doing? 525 00:44:27,640 --> 00:44:29,358 I'm working. 526 00:44:30,200 --> 00:44:33,078 - You're working? - Roger's given me a few days. 527 00:44:33,120 --> 00:44:35,953 Roger? Yeah, I bet he did. 528 00:44:36,760 --> 00:44:38,432 Look, I can't talk. What do you want? 529 00:44:40,720 --> 00:44:42,870 I want to see you later. 530 00:44:44,920 --> 00:44:47,673 Just because we go bird-watching and we fuck 531 00:44:47,720 --> 00:44:50,188 doesn't mean you can move in and take over my life. 532 00:44:50,240 --> 00:44:51,958 I told you I need boundaries. 533 00:44:54,400 --> 00:44:56,675 Yeah, whatever. Forget it. 534 00:45:09,000 --> 00:45:10,513 Gary Cooper. 535 00:45:11,000 --> 00:45:12,718 All right, mate! 536 00:45:12,760 --> 00:45:15,069 (Bish) Oh, here we go again. 537 00:45:16,160 --> 00:45:18,116 Gary! 538 00:45:18,160 --> 00:45:19,991 Oi! 539 00:45:29,640 --> 00:45:31,073 - All right, mate? - Nikko. 540 00:45:31,120 --> 00:45:33,680 You sent us up an empty mountain. What you doing, lying to us? 541 00:45:33,720 --> 00:45:36,757 - No, I ain't. - Five fucking hours we waited! 542 00:45:36,800 --> 00:45:38,870 - Five fucking hours! - Whoa, whoa, whoa! 543 00:45:38,920 --> 00:45:42,196 What are you doing, man? What are you doing? Chill! Chill! 544 00:45:43,000 --> 00:45:44,991 Come on, man. 545 00:45:46,040 --> 00:45:47,712 All right there, Gal? 546 00:45:47,760 --> 00:45:50,115 How's it going, mate? 547 00:45:50,160 --> 00:45:51,673 Bish. 548 00:45:51,720 --> 00:45:56,236 Found these up in the Orkneys. I think you might have dropped them there. 549 00:45:57,960 --> 00:46:00,952 Come here. Come on. 550 00:46:05,840 --> 00:46:07,831 (Animated chatter) 551 00:47:12,240 --> 00:47:14,231 (Clock ticking) 552 00:47:34,320 --> 00:47:35,230 (Gasping) 553 00:48:04,840 --> 00:48:07,035 (Bish) This place is so fucked up, man. 554 00:48:07,080 --> 00:48:10,755 (Cameron) If I can refer you to our list, Why Farmers Are The Biggest Arseholes Of All. 555 00:48:10,800 --> 00:48:15,510 (Bish) They grow things no one really wants and then expect us to pay them for doing it. 556 00:48:15,560 --> 00:48:17,949 Feed animals their own species until they mutate weird illnesses, 557 00:48:18,000 --> 00:48:19,991 and then blame everyone else. 558 00:48:42,840 --> 00:48:44,831 Come on, pal. 559 00:49:00,480 --> 00:49:04,359 - D'you mind me asking where you're going? - The woods. 560 00:49:04,400 --> 00:49:07,358 - Private. - It's a public footpath. 561 00:49:07,400 --> 00:49:08,992 It's on the map. 562 00:49:09,640 --> 00:49:11,471 Any further, you'll be trespassing. 563 00:49:11,520 --> 00:49:13,988 You don't want to be mistaken for a deer, do you? 564 00:49:14,040 --> 00:49:17,635 - Or a poacher. - You're the poachers. 565 00:49:17,680 --> 00:49:22,595 Listen, lads, do yourselves a favour and piss off back to London. 566 00:49:24,800 --> 00:49:25,949 Right. 567 00:49:28,560 --> 00:49:30,994 (Coughs) Inbreds. 568 00:49:34,520 --> 00:49:38,433 - Give me six! - Hey, let's not get too cocky, eh? 569 00:49:43,720 --> 00:49:45,631 (Dripping) 570 00:49:48,440 --> 00:49:50,670 Come on. 571 00:50:05,840 --> 00:50:09,310 No, I'm going to see the bird. I'm going to see that bird. 572 00:50:09,360 --> 00:50:11,999 - It's not worth it. - Yes, it is. 573 00:50:15,480 --> 00:50:17,471 Yes, it is. 574 00:50:18,200 --> 00:50:20,395 We'll go that... Come on round this way. 575 00:50:21,200 --> 00:50:24,476 - Please. Come on. - Fuck, I'm out of here, brother. 576 00:50:24,520 --> 00:50:26,351 Bish. 577 00:50:27,280 --> 00:50:29,840 Cameron. Cameron. 578 00:50:29,880 --> 00:50:31,871 Fuck it! 579 00:50:33,920 --> 00:50:35,911 See ya. 580 00:50:37,880 --> 00:50:39,871 Fuckers. 581 00:50:41,360 --> 00:50:43,351 I'm going to fucking see that bird. 582 00:51:05,920 --> 00:51:08,593 Most buzzards fly with wing beats. 583 00:51:08,640 --> 00:51:10,756 Kill the rabbit, kill the rabbit. 584 00:51:12,200 --> 00:51:14,430 Honeys are too cool for that. 585 00:51:15,280 --> 00:51:18,033 They're like aerial lounge lizards, 586 00:51:18,080 --> 00:51:20,594 wings loose and louche, 587 00:51:21,960 --> 00:51:25,157 like they're only hunting cos it's the servants' day off. 588 00:51:25,200 --> 00:51:26,997 (Fluttering) 589 00:51:38,560 --> 00:51:40,551 (Buzzard shrieks) 590 00:53:18,760 --> 00:53:21,228 - You little fucker! Come here! - Get him! 591 00:53:26,000 --> 00:53:27,991 Come here, you little fucker! 592 00:53:38,040 --> 00:53:40,713 - You don't listen, do you? - Little prick! 593 00:53:42,240 --> 00:53:45,198 You don't know what you're messing with, do you? Think about it now. 594 00:53:48,200 --> 00:53:50,156 (Birdsong) 595 00:54:10,200 --> 00:54:12,191 Fuckers. 596 00:54:18,960 --> 00:54:20,951 (Air hissing) 597 00:55:28,280 --> 00:55:29,713 Little thief. 598 00:55:29,760 --> 00:55:32,274 You thieving bastard. 599 00:55:41,400 --> 00:55:43,550 I'm going to fuck your tyres. 600 00:55:43,600 --> 00:55:45,477 Fuck your tyres up. 601 00:57:01,160 --> 00:57:03,151 (Laughs) 602 00:57:28,160 --> 00:57:29,559 (Spits) 603 00:57:31,640 --> 00:57:33,631 (Mobile rings) 604 00:57:44,080 --> 00:57:46,071 Hello? 605 00:57:47,160 --> 00:57:48,559 Hi. 606 00:58:02,880 --> 00:58:04,677 (Water running) 607 00:58:14,560 --> 00:58:16,596 (The Specials: Concrete Jungle) 608 00:58:20,760 --> 00:58:23,513 I'm going out tonight 609 00:58:23,560 --> 00:58:26,028 I don't know if I'll be all right 610 00:58:26,080 --> 00:58:29,197 Everyone wants to hurt me 611 00:58:29,240 --> 00:58:32,232 Baby, danger in the city 612 00:58:32,280 --> 00:58:35,078 - I have to carry a knife - (Banging on door) 613 00:58:35,120 --> 00:58:37,918 Because there's people threatening my life 614 00:58:37,960 --> 00:58:40,952 I can't dress just the way I want 615 00:58:41,000 --> 00:58:43,594 I'm being chased by the National Front 616 00:58:44,480 --> 00:58:47,119 Concrete jungle 617 00:58:47,160 --> 00:58:49,594 Animals are after me... 618 00:58:52,000 --> 00:58:53,991 What do you want? 619 00:58:54,960 --> 00:58:57,520 To make sure you're OK. 620 00:59:04,680 --> 00:59:06,477 Is he your boyfriend again? 621 00:59:09,320 --> 00:59:10,833 No. 622 00:59:13,920 --> 00:59:16,388 You are. 623 00:59:25,920 --> 00:59:27,558 You are. 624 00:59:37,440 --> 00:59:40,079 God, what happened? 625 00:59:41,480 --> 00:59:43,471 I fell out of a tree. 626 00:59:46,200 --> 00:59:47,997 Were you with the wankers? 627 00:59:51,880 --> 00:59:53,871 No. 628 00:59:57,240 --> 00:59:59,231 I was on my own. 629 01:00:00,360 --> 01:00:02,351 Where? 630 01:00:06,120 --> 01:00:07,473 Wetlands. 631 01:00:15,120 --> 01:00:17,588 Will you take me there again? 632 01:00:20,040 --> 01:00:22,031 Yeah. 633 01:00:25,960 --> 01:00:27,951 Yeah. 634 01:00:43,280 --> 01:00:45,840 Thanks for coming over. 635 01:01:30,040 --> 01:01:32,031 (Door bangs) 636 01:01:40,280 --> 01:01:44,193 - What's she doing here? - Er... She has got a name. 637 01:01:44,240 --> 01:01:46,151 - This explains everything. - Oh! 638 01:01:46,200 --> 01:01:48,634 Well, have a good look. You know you want to. 639 01:01:48,680 --> 01:01:52,150 - You said you'd keep away from him. - We're getting married. 640 01:01:53,640 --> 01:01:57,474 I would like you to be best man, Mike. Don't lose the ring, eh? 641 01:01:59,680 --> 01:02:03,309 - I want to talk to my brother. - He tells me everything. 642 01:02:08,600 --> 01:02:10,431 Bye, Mike. 643 01:02:12,880 --> 01:02:14,279 Hey. 644 01:02:28,680 --> 01:02:30,671 (Text alert buzzes) 645 01:02:56,240 --> 01:02:59,118 Stupid fucking bastard. 646 01:03:05,240 --> 01:03:07,435 What the fuck are you looking at? 647 01:03:13,000 --> 01:03:16,913 She's not normal. When you're with her, nor are you. 648 01:03:16,960 --> 01:03:19,520 Compared to what? 649 01:03:19,560 --> 01:03:21,551 You? 650 01:03:23,760 --> 01:03:27,833 - You met on a suicide website. - So what? 651 01:03:31,200 --> 01:03:36,115 We did it for a reason. To stop you being ruined by people like her. 652 01:03:37,760 --> 01:03:41,548 - Ruined? - (Door shuts, footsteps recede) 653 01:03:45,320 --> 01:03:47,959 You can't... You can't stay here, we've sold the house. 654 01:03:50,560 --> 01:03:51,345 (Bare feet padding) 655 01:03:51,360 --> 01:03:52,998 (Bare feet padding) 656 01:03:54,040 --> 01:03:56,031 Stevie! 657 01:04:00,000 --> 01:04:01,991 What are you doing? 658 01:04:04,080 --> 01:04:05,513 Huh? 659 01:04:06,880 --> 01:04:10,509 - What are you doing? - You'd better call Bish. 660 01:04:10,560 --> 01:04:13,313 Why? 661 01:04:16,440 --> 01:04:18,431 You lied to me, Nikko. 662 01:04:19,360 --> 01:04:21,351 About what? 663 01:04:24,400 --> 01:04:26,391 Huh? 664 01:04:32,240 --> 01:04:34,071 Where are you going? 665 01:04:41,640 --> 01:04:44,552 I need some more onions here. 666 01:04:49,240 --> 01:04:51,231 (Knocks) 667 01:04:56,560 --> 01:05:00,838 - So what happened to your face? - Fucking tripped up in the woods, didn't I? 668 01:05:00,880 --> 01:05:02,871 Oh, right. 669 01:05:04,120 --> 01:05:05,951 So did you hear about Owen Whittle, then? 670 01:05:07,720 --> 01:05:10,996 They found his body in his car, next to where the honey was. 671 01:05:12,440 --> 01:05:15,034 Somebody shot him. 672 01:05:15,080 --> 01:05:16,957 (Gunshot echoes) 673 01:05:20,040 --> 01:05:24,079 - Well? - Must have been the poachers. 674 01:05:27,720 --> 01:05:29,711 Karma or what? 675 01:05:30,680 --> 01:05:33,194 One cock kills another. 676 01:05:53,280 --> 01:05:55,271 Fucking hell. 677 01:06:05,320 --> 01:06:06,594 (Knock at door) 678 01:06:08,240 --> 01:06:11,755 - Mr Nicholson? - Are you from removals? 679 01:06:11,800 --> 01:06:13,995 - May I come in? - (Wipes feet) 680 01:06:17,360 --> 01:06:20,113 Are you going somewhere? 681 01:06:21,480 --> 01:06:23,710 It's Mum's stuff. 682 01:06:23,760 --> 01:06:25,637 Oh, is she moving house? 683 01:06:25,680 --> 01:06:28,035 Sort of moved already. 684 01:06:29,040 --> 01:06:30,678 She's dead. 685 01:06:30,720 --> 01:06:32,950 Oh, I'm sorry. 686 01:06:35,040 --> 01:06:38,669 - Who are you? - I feel terrible now, asking you this. 687 01:06:39,600 --> 01:06:43,639 What with your mum and... you know, bad time. 688 01:06:46,200 --> 01:06:49,033 But we've been talking to a few twitchers. 689 01:06:49,080 --> 01:06:51,275 I suppose you've heard about Owen Whittle. 690 01:06:51,880 --> 01:06:53,711 Yeah. 691 01:06:54,720 --> 01:06:57,996 Well, how did you hear about him? Hasn't been in the press yet. 692 01:06:59,040 --> 01:07:03,352 If you go on the internet, it's on the erm... It's on the birding websites. 693 01:07:03,400 --> 01:07:05,391 Right. 694 01:07:06,600 --> 01:07:08,989 Well, I suppose you know that he was an egg collector. 695 01:07:09,040 --> 01:07:13,238 We think he might have been targeted by someone who didn't like what he did. 696 01:07:14,320 --> 01:07:19,997 Like a twitching fundamentalist? Is that what you think I am? 697 01:07:24,360 --> 01:07:26,874 We were talking to a few people and your name came up. 698 01:07:26,920 --> 01:07:29,480 They said that you were one of the most dedicated. 699 01:07:29,520 --> 01:07:31,875 So am I on a list? 700 01:07:33,720 --> 01:07:36,678 I used to do a bit of birding myself, when I was a kid. 701 01:07:37,760 --> 01:07:40,558 Even collected eggs for a bit. Don't tell anyone. 702 01:07:42,560 --> 01:07:46,109 You don't know who might have targeted Whittle or anything? 703 01:07:50,200 --> 01:07:52,191 Hmm, not really. 704 01:07:53,000 --> 01:07:54,991 Well, if you think of someone, 705 01:07:55,800 --> 01:07:58,268 or you hear anything, 706 01:07:58,320 --> 01:08:00,356 maybe you could give me a call. 707 01:08:00,400 --> 01:08:01,992 Mm-hm. 708 01:08:28,280 --> 01:08:30,271 Stevie! 709 01:08:35,080 --> 01:08:37,230 Stevie! 710 01:08:38,600 --> 01:08:40,591 It's me! 711 01:09:01,240 --> 01:09:03,913 Why do people assume life is a good thing? 712 01:09:04,920 --> 01:09:07,150 If it works for you, great. 713 01:09:08,520 --> 01:09:11,830 But bailing out is not the biggest tragedy. 714 01:09:13,840 --> 01:09:15,910 You know what the biggest tragedy is? 715 01:09:16,920 --> 01:09:20,515 It's just going through the motions. 716 01:10:18,680 --> 01:10:21,558 There are two main categories of suicides - 717 01:10:21,600 --> 01:10:25,593 the ones that talk about it, the cry-for-helpers, 718 01:10:25,640 --> 01:10:28,916 and the ones that just do it, the no-hopers. 719 01:10:28,960 --> 01:10:30,951 (Little Hell: Lose It Now) 720 01:10:36,400 --> 01:10:38,197 You lost your mind 721 01:10:38,240 --> 01:10:41,038 Why don't you dig it up slow? 722 01:10:41,080 --> 01:10:44,436 You lost your mind, why don't you pick it off the floor? 723 01:10:44,680 --> 01:10:48,753 You lost your mind, why don't you pick it off the floor? 724 01:10:49,000 --> 01:10:52,993 You lost your mind, why don't you pick it off the floor? 725 01:10:53,040 --> 01:10:56,953 Cos you don't need a man of the house 726 01:10:57,000 --> 01:11:00,913 And you don't need the tongue in your mouth 727 01:11:00,960 --> 01:11:04,714 You're here to dance so get off the floor 728 01:11:04,760 --> 01:11:08,799 Cos you don't need your head any more 729 01:11:08,840 --> 01:11:11,593 You don't need your head, you don't need your head 730 01:11:11,640 --> 01:11:14,837 Come on! 731 01:11:15,360 --> 01:11:17,271 Come on! 732 01:11:17,760 --> 01:11:20,149 Come on! 733 01:11:28,440 --> 01:11:30,431 Lose it! 734 01:12:05,560 --> 01:12:08,313 All right, tosser? 735 01:12:08,360 --> 01:12:10,635 - You're looking good. - Where'd you nick it? 736 01:12:10,680 --> 01:12:13,035 Ho-ho-ho, that's nice, isn't it? 737 01:12:13,080 --> 01:12:16,470 I bought it with my bonus. I thought it might make me happy. 738 01:12:18,040 --> 01:12:20,508 - It doesn't. - So he gave it to me! 739 01:12:20,560 --> 01:12:22,790 Bish is taking it to Poland. 740 01:12:22,840 --> 01:12:25,229 If you drink that, you won't be able to drive back. 741 01:12:25,280 --> 01:12:27,589 Hey, it's not yours any more. 742 01:12:27,640 --> 01:12:30,154 Right, let's go and tick a crested lark. 743 01:12:35,080 --> 01:12:37,469 Are you really going to Poland? 744 01:12:37,520 --> 01:12:41,877 Yeah. The restaurant's accused me of stealing a booze delivery 745 01:12:41,920 --> 01:12:44,753 and trying to... trying to sell it to a club. 746 01:12:44,800 --> 01:12:47,314 Bish on the run. 747 01:12:48,800 --> 01:12:51,075 What a surprise. 748 01:12:52,040 --> 01:12:56,318 It's actually got more to do with this girl I've started seeing. 749 01:12:58,000 --> 01:13:00,594 You know, the Polish chick? From the cafe? 750 01:13:02,720 --> 01:13:05,188 Good for you, mate. 751 01:13:07,480 --> 01:13:10,040 She's a bit young, mind. 752 01:13:11,120 --> 01:13:13,111 How young? 753 01:13:15,000 --> 01:13:17,309 Seventeen. 754 01:13:17,360 --> 01:13:19,351 Just. 755 01:13:22,400 --> 01:13:24,391 And she's erm... 756 01:13:26,240 --> 01:13:28,959 She's a bit pregnant. 757 01:13:29,000 --> 01:13:30,991 So... 758 01:13:32,600 --> 01:13:34,830 ...we're celebrating, then? 759 01:13:40,160 --> 01:13:41,479 (Pop) 760 01:13:45,840 --> 01:13:47,478 Cheers. 761 01:14:00,440 --> 01:14:02,431 Cheers. 762 01:14:11,000 --> 01:14:13,355 I shot Owen Whittle. 763 01:14:18,720 --> 01:14:20,950 I didn't mean to. The gun... 764 01:14:23,280 --> 01:14:25,714 ...just went off. 765 01:14:54,320 --> 01:14:56,914 I think I might head off. 766 01:15:12,200 --> 01:15:14,760 Yeah, I might make a move, too. 767 01:15:17,880 --> 01:15:21,270 Sorry you didn't get your five hundred. 768 01:15:25,040 --> 01:15:27,429 Another day, yeah? 769 01:15:54,440 --> 01:15:57,034 I can't go to prison. 770 01:15:58,440 --> 01:16:00,431 I couldn't do years. 771 01:16:03,360 --> 01:16:05,271 Three months in that place... 772 01:16:09,240 --> 01:16:10,958 ...nearly did me in. 773 01:16:30,160 --> 01:16:32,071 Mind telling me what you were doing in there? 774 01:16:32,120 --> 01:16:34,475 Cleaning the house. 775 01:16:34,520 --> 01:16:37,159 I work as a cleaner. 776 01:16:38,080 --> 01:16:40,230 Check if you want. 777 01:16:40,280 --> 01:16:42,271 Thanks. 778 01:16:43,600 --> 01:16:45,511 Have you got a mobile phone? 779 01:16:48,600 --> 01:16:49,919 No. 780 01:16:54,280 --> 01:16:56,475 Can I go? 781 01:16:57,280 --> 01:16:58,759 Why not? 782 01:17:23,600 --> 01:17:24,874 Hi. 783 01:17:42,960 --> 01:17:45,394 I need to tell you something. 784 01:17:47,280 --> 01:17:49,510 I killed someone. 785 01:17:50,120 --> 01:17:52,714 I know. 786 01:17:53,960 --> 01:17:56,474 You wrote it in your book. 787 01:17:58,600 --> 01:18:02,275 I suppose I wasn't very good at life, was I? 788 01:18:04,400 --> 01:18:06,789 What am I going to do? 789 01:18:09,520 --> 01:18:12,353 There's only one thing left to do. 790 01:19:04,600 --> 01:19:07,194 You know this is just me. 791 01:19:08,680 --> 01:19:11,274 I want this to be just me. 792 01:19:14,720 --> 01:19:17,075 You sure you know what you're doing? 793 01:19:17,120 --> 01:19:19,111 Yeah. 794 01:19:20,480 --> 01:19:23,677 After this there's no going back. 795 01:19:29,000 --> 01:19:31,639 It's going to be OK, isn't it? 796 01:19:43,680 --> 01:19:45,352 I should write a note. 797 01:19:45,400 --> 01:19:47,470 No, a confession. 798 01:19:47,520 --> 01:19:49,829 It's taken care of. 799 01:19:52,760 --> 01:19:54,751 Thank you. 800 01:20:35,880 --> 01:20:37,836 It's OK now. 801 01:21:36,200 --> 01:21:37,838 (Fluttering, branches snap) 802 01:21:37,880 --> 01:21:39,871 (Heart pounding) 803 01:21:44,920 --> 01:21:47,673 (Heartbeat slows) 804 01:21:55,680 --> 01:21:57,113 (Heartbeat stops) 805 01:22:16,840 --> 01:22:18,831 Stevie. 806 01:22:26,800 --> 01:22:28,916 Stevie. 807 01:22:28,960 --> 01:22:32,714 (Gasping, moaning) 808 01:22:36,000 --> 01:22:37,991 Help! 809 01:22:40,760 --> 01:22:42,432 Stevie! 810 01:23:10,920 --> 01:23:12,717 (Door opens) 811 01:23:15,080 --> 01:23:17,071 Thanks, Colin. 812 01:23:36,440 --> 01:23:38,795 (Sighs) 813 01:23:40,920 --> 01:23:43,434 She really loved you, didn't she? 814 01:23:49,680 --> 01:23:52,240 My old man killed himself. 815 01:23:53,520 --> 01:23:56,717 I was quite young, so I thought it was something I'd done. 816 01:23:59,240 --> 01:24:02,232 For years it's haunted me now. 817 01:24:02,280 --> 01:24:05,272 There was just something in him we could never get to. 818 01:24:08,520 --> 01:24:11,273 Design fault. 819 01:24:11,320 --> 01:24:13,595 He was always going to do it. 820 01:24:18,000 --> 01:24:21,356 And I'm sorry to say, that was Stevie. 821 01:24:25,040 --> 01:24:27,270 I don't think that's you. 822 01:24:33,640 --> 01:24:35,995 How do you know? 823 01:24:37,560 --> 01:24:40,791 Cos you're passionate. About Stevie. 824 01:24:42,480 --> 01:24:44,471 About birds. 825 01:24:57,440 --> 01:25:00,159 She left this on the table. 826 01:25:15,040 --> 01:25:18,032 (Stevie) Some things are worth giving everything for, 827 01:25:18,080 --> 01:25:23,234 rare and fragile creatures hanging by the tiniest of threads, on their very last chance. 828 01:25:23,280 --> 01:25:26,317 Once they're gone, they can never come back. 829 01:25:26,360 --> 01:25:30,717 Nobody will be able to appreciate their uniqueness ever again. 830 01:25:32,360 --> 01:25:35,079 She says she was in the Highland Woods on the 20th. 831 01:25:36,400 --> 01:25:39,676 She even mentions the time of Whittle's death, which we've never released. 832 01:25:39,720 --> 01:25:43,429 And according to Stevie, she had your mobile phone with her. 833 01:25:44,720 --> 01:25:49,316 Is that why you said you didn't have one, because you thought you could protect her? 834 01:25:55,920 --> 01:25:59,993 I've dealt with these animal rights lot. I know what they're capable of. 835 01:26:04,680 --> 01:26:06,716 I saw the pelicans she drew. 836 01:26:11,520 --> 01:26:13,511 Bird of sacrifice. 837 01:26:15,240 --> 01:26:19,392 The only other creature that is willing to kill itself to save others. 838 01:26:22,920 --> 01:26:25,878 I can still charge you 839 01:26:25,920 --> 01:26:28,878 as an accomplice. 840 01:26:28,920 --> 01:26:34,074 Obstructing the investigation, with your record, the implications could be long term. 841 01:26:37,640 --> 01:26:40,279 Not everyone gets a second chance. 842 01:26:41,280 --> 01:26:46,479 But if they do, it's probably worth taking, wouldn't you say? 843 01:26:49,840 --> 01:26:51,956 So, say I give you one. 844 01:26:53,080 --> 01:26:55,719 Would you take it? 845 01:26:57,080 --> 01:26:59,719 Or would you fuck it up? 846 01:27:07,080 --> 01:27:09,514 I'd take it. 847 01:27:14,120 --> 01:27:19,114 Once-only offer. No exchanges, no refunds and no throwing it away once you get it. 848 01:29:21,080 --> 01:29:23,958 I once went out with this girl. 849 01:29:24,000 --> 01:29:26,434 We were both going to kill ourselves. 850 01:29:26,480 --> 01:29:29,392 But it turned out 851 01:29:29,440 --> 01:29:31,431 one of us wasn't serious. 852 01:29:32,880 --> 01:29:34,836 (Jim Noir: Happy Day Today) 853 01:29:40,600 --> 01:29:45,913 I'd like to see you every day but that's not the way 854 01:29:48,200 --> 01:29:53,797 Too much of something is bad enough, though not today 855 01:29:56,320 --> 01:30:01,440 You know I find it hard to find the things I want to say 856 01:30:03,880 --> 01:30:09,398 I'm like a kid who knows exactly what he wants for his birthday 857 01:30:12,760 --> 01:30:19,233 Oh, happy day 858 01:30:20,320 --> 01:30:27,112 Oh, happy day 859 01:30:27,160 --> 01:30:30,197 Oh, happy day today 860 01:30:30,240 --> 01:30:34,711 I will never know, I will never know 861 01:30:34,760 --> 01:30:38,469 Oh, happy day today 862 01:30:38,520 --> 01:30:42,991 I will never know, I will never know 863 01:30:50,400 --> 01:30:55,474 I'd like to see you every day but that's not the way 864 01:30:58,120 --> 01:31:03,513 Too much of something is bad enough, though not today 865 01:31:05,800 --> 01:31:11,193 You know I find it hard to find the things I want to say 866 01:31:13,480 --> 01:31:19,316 I'm like a kid who knows exactly what he wants for his birthday 867 01:31:22,400 --> 01:31:28,953 Oh, happy day 868 01:31:29,920 --> 01:31:36,712 Oh, happy day 869 01:31:36,760 --> 01:31:40,469 Oh, happy day today 870 01:31:40,520 --> 01:31:44,513 I will never know, I will never know 871 01:31:44,560 --> 01:31:48,155 Oh, happy day today 872 01:31:48,200 --> 01:31:52,113 I will never know, I will never know 873 01:32:24,360 --> 01:32:29,753 Oh, happy day 874 01:32:31,720 --> 01:32:37,750 Oh, happy day 875 01:33:18,560 --> 01:33:25,238 Oh, happy day 876 01:33:25,280 --> 01:33:28,955 Oh, happy day today 877 01:33:29,000 --> 01:33:32,959 I will never know, I will never know 878 01:33:33,000 --> 01:33:36,629 Oh, happy day today 879 01:33:36,680 --> 01:33:40,559 I will never know, I will never know 880 01:33:40,600 --> 01:33:44,434 Oh, happy day today 881 01:33:44,480 --> 01:33:48,234 I will never know, I will never know 882 01:33:48,280 --> 01:33:52,034 Oh, happy day today 883 01:33:52,080 --> 01:33:56,119 I will never know, I will never know 884 01:33:56,160 --> 01:34:03,555 Oh, happy day 885 01:34:04,680 --> 01:34:11,552 Oh, happy day 886 01:34:12,640 --> 01:34:19,512 Oh, happy day 887 01:34:20,160 --> 01:34:25,917 Oh, happy day64157

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