All language subtitles for Our Cartoon President s02e03_English

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

[Ocasio-Cortez]
Madame Speaker!

We need to open an impeachment
inquiry into President Trump!

-Damn it!
-The Mueller Report showed

clear evidence
he obstructed justice,

and now he refuses to comply
with a single subpoena, honey.

Sorry, but the focus groups
don't want impeachment.

And Americans
never change their minds.

That's why Ricki Lake is still
the queen of daytime TV!

Senator Elizabeth Warren here,
out of breath as always.

Can anyone just walk
into the House Chamber?

I want to lend my voice

to the chorus of voices
calling for impeachment.

Sounds great.
Eat shit. Byeee!

It's the right thing
to do!

Look, I'd love
to do impeachment,

but I have to compete in the
Goodwill Games tomorrow, so --

Nancy, they don't
do those anymore.

I have to go...

I just heard the sun and moon
are switchin' places!

If that's true, the birds
would be going nuts.

Uhp! We just lost the lease
on Capitol Hill.

Just impeach him,
you stubborn bastard!

We can't impeach him
because I love him!

Nancy, I know he's hot,
but he's with Melania now.

What am I even saying?
I'm trying to impeach him,

but no one here
will let me!

[Ocasio-Cortez]
Madame Speaker, if I may...

we must put the Constitution
over polls,

justice over expediency,

and let it be known
to future generations

that, in America, no honey
is above the law, honey!

Next up, Game of Thrones
written by women!

[Pelosi]
Okay, I've heard enough.

Now I understand that I must
rise to this moment in history,

honor my oath
to the Constitution,

and get the eff
out of here!

[Congressmembers booing]

I know it sounds crazy,
but I'm still not budging.

♪♪♪

There are good letters
on both sides.

♪♪♪

Ahhh, there's nothing better
than home TV

after a long day
of work TV.

Even better --
Nerd Hannity is on!

Tonight on Tucker Carlson...

our economy was founded by men
for men to make more men.

So why are women
still producing daughters?

Just to be annoying?
We'll investigate after this.

Hey. It's Common.

Child detention,
white supremacy.

President Trump
has destroyed this nation,

but from the ashes,

we...will...rise.

A message from
Yummy Time Pizza.

Tell SEAL Team Six to capture
Yummy Time Pizza's CEO.

Remember -- any loss of pizza
is considered a loss of life.

Relax, Dad.
It's just a pizza place.

Wrong.
It's a pizza business,

and I'm the pro-business
President.

[sadly] Corporations are
supposed to be my friends.

Well, at least
you still got me, Dad.

Way to kick a man
when he's down, Don.

♪♪♪

At least I still got some
pro-Trump businesses --

Hobby Lobby, NASCAR,
Lizard Wholesalers.

Actually, Lizard Wholesalers
switched sides

when you dug that mass grave
and refused to say why.

Ugh! It's hopeless.

And to think, me and business
used to be best friends...

[President Trump]
The year was 2017,

and I had not one, but two
business advisory councils.

Boy, did we have some laughs.

[mockingly]
"Ohh, I'm the rainforest.

Businesses are
chopping me down."

[normal voice] Shut up!

[laughter]

But seriously, whatever
you want to do is hella cool.

And then all I said was
"I likey the Nazis,"

and, suddenly,
my business friends were gone.

I've done so much
for businesses --

giving tax breaks,

saying factories no longer
need more than one exit --

and still Nike, Gillette,
and now Yummy Time Pizza

don't have my back.

Sir, don't give up.
Now about we have Mike Pence

do what he did with the NFL
and apply pressure

with a taxpayer-funded
toothless protest?

It's the only thing
he's good at,

besides entering
a room unnoticed.

[startled] Oh, my God!
Good idea.

Mike, go out there and make
a pitiful ass of yourself

so I can save face.

When I hear the words
"pitiful A-S-S,"

I know it's my time
to shine!

Now, remember, Karen, we're
going to order the pizza,

pay for the pizza, and
then leave the pizza.

It's like I'm in a play!
Oooohh!

We'd like one pizza with
the pepperonis spelling,

"I support
our President."

What's my line? I forgot
my line! Line!

-Uh, we don't do that here.
-Oh, my! [gasps]

Karen, gasp.

[exaggerated gasping]

That was Vice President Pence
and Second Lady Karen before

she had to be re-oxygenated
at a local hospital.

The event has sparked
a viral trend

among Trump supporters

who have been flushing
Yummy Time pizzas,

clogging their own plumbing,

and hurting no one
but themselves.

[young man] Mom?

Tonight, I'll be reading

New York District Court
transcripts

that you'll listen to
tomorrow in the shower

from your iPhone propped up
on top of the toilet.

But first,
Vice President Joe Biden

is here for
"The Interview."

Rachel, God love ya,
if only I was ten years younger

and your hair was
ten inches longer.

I'm being told
your campaign manager

is trying to unplug
the studio.

Now, how will you unite
the fractured Democratic Party?

Because --
Sorry to interrupt, honey,

but the Democrats
aren't fractured.

We're unified behind
my optimistic vision

of lowering taxes,
ending welfare again,

and sending pot dealers
to the death house!

Actually, Cory Booker talks
about criminal-justice reform,

and Elizabeth Warren
pledged to tax the rich.

Oh, they'll come
to their senses.

Hey, billionaires
gotta eat, too.

Now, how 'bout a hug?
Wow. You are bad at this.

♪♪♪

[President Trump] Companies
would be crazy to get political

after Pence went beast mode
on Yummy Time Pizza.

[narrator 1] We believe
all people are created equal.

Seafood Shack.

[narrator 2] When others build
walls, we build community.

Tire Supply Liquidators.

[narrator 3, sternly]
Democracy is in peril,

and the darkest storms
are yet ahead.

[happily] Come on down
to Bouncy's Trampoline Park!

Whoa!
What is going on?

After the Yummy Time Pizza ad
drove their profits up 30%,

everyone went all-in
on anti-you.

Not "everyone."

[Lindell] Ha, ha, hi!

I'm Mike Lindell,
the inventor of My Pillow!

[female anchor]
That's the famous commercial

starring Mike Lindell.

He's had an untraditional rise
to business success.

Yeah, I used to be
addicted to crack!

But after I went two weeks
with no sleep,

my dealers intervened,
I found Jesus,

built the largest
pillow company in America,

and now I'm best friends
with President Trump!

Is that the guy who keeps
chasing my motorcade?

Oh, yeah.

[train horn blares]

"Medicare for all"?
Are these kids serious?

Oh, yeah. With these
Democratic candidates,

it's "raise taxes" this and
"no generational wars" that.

The problem is, I'm not polling
as well with progressive voters

as I am with Dale
the racist Amtrak conductor.

Hiya, Dale!
[Dale] Hey, Joe!

Keep on keepin' them prisons
full! Doin' a great job!

Since Hillary's sitting
this election out,

you're our only hope.
Go spread the word

about "trumped-up
trickle-down" economics.

The phrase was perfect.
Clinton just kept coughing

in the middle of it.
Don't worry!

If there's one thing
progressives love,

it's an old white guy
with one black friend

and a lot of opinions.

Screw this.
I'm running away.

If those businesses
don't like me,

they can find
another president

to sign their executive orders
sight unseen.

Need a ride
to Reagan Airport?

Not with you, Mitt.

I'll let you play
with the sunroof.

[sunroof whirring]

So you're
running away, huh?

Mr. President,
don't give up.

The only friend you need
in this world is a corporation.

Why are you driving 15 miles
under the speed limit?

Back at Bain Capital,
I didn't make a lot of friends.

I'd roll into town,
and the next day,

the only thing left was
a brothel and a soup kitchen.

How do you not have
the air conditioner on?

It's a hundred degrees
in here!

But my business liked me,

and that was the only friend
I needed.

Now, I'm taking you to
the best place in the world

to make big business
your best friend.

-The White House?
-That's right.

But I was just at
the White House.

Yes. I'm saying you can
use the presidency

to win back businesses.

No. You said you were
taking me somewhere.

This is where I live.
I know that. I-I was just --

You made a mistake,
admit it.

-I, uh --
-Despite your useless advice,

I'm going to leverage
the power of this White House

to win back
Corporate America!

♪♪♪

[President Trump] How do I
exploit my sacred office

to get businesses
to stop being mean to me?

I'm thinking all-access
to our Saudi death squad.

You could stop staying
how great Nazis are.

[sarcastically]
Oh, and why don't I start

walking on the ceiling
and breathing underwater?

[normal voice]
Practical ideas only, people.

No workplace regulations.

If you don't want
black lung,

you shouldn't have taken a job
at Babies 'R' Us.

How about kids receive
school credit

for warning
business leaders

that their wives
are on their way home?

We already invited
the CEOs

of the 50 largest companies
to a roundtable

so they can tell us
exactly what they want.

Takes out
the guesswork!

Smart! See, Mnuchin?

I'm happy, the Nazis are happy,
everyone's happy.

[knocking on door]

Joe, you can come in,
uh, but only if you talk

the way you do around
other white people.

Right on, my brotha!
Jazz!

I need to smack these
progressives on the ass

to make them fall in line.

How 'bout I call Liz Warren
"Land O' Lakes Girl"

and say Beto
ran over a cop?

Joe, that won't work.

To unite the party,
you need good policy ideas

like "hope" and "change."

Otherwise you're just
sowing division like Trump.

And where did that get him?
I-Isn't he president?

-Not my president.
-Fine. I'll play nice.

Can I at least say Julián Castro
was actually a triplet,

but ate the third brother
in the crib?

Oooh, that's a good idea
for a show.

I might pitch it to Netflix.

Evil Triplet.
Uh, would you watch that?

Probably not.

-Quadruplets?
-Eh, I don't know.

It takes a lot of courage

to put yourself out there
creatively, Joe,

so just be a little
sensitive to that.

♪♪♪

None of those CEOs
are coming, are they?

Ha, ha, hi!
Sorry I'm late.

A Secret Service dog barked
at me and, next thing you know,

your fellas slapped me
on a metal table

and searched me
inside-out!

Whatever they did to you
wasn't enough.

Good news is I brought you
My Pillow.

It's a state-of-the-art
pillow I produce --

Mike.

I produce right here
in Minnesota!

Great. Now we just need
the rest of Corporate America.

Got any friends
you can call?

Double no!

Don't got friends,
don't got a phone!

[Biden]
Ah, God bless all of ya,

but I don't want it
to get ugly out there,

so why don't y'all drop out
and let me be president, huh?

Just because you're
polling well now

doesn't mean
you will forever.

Look at me --
I was a rising star,

then people found out I told
one weird lie a thousand times,

and now no one will
look me in the eye.

[Buttigieg]
Don't forget about me.

After a president
who's a philandering crook,

Americans are more
receptive than ever

to someone who's not that
or anything else.

Gosh, I hate to see the party
torn apart like this.

Kamala, how'd you like
to be rumored

to be my running mate until
I end up choosing Tim Kaine?

Joe, the party
has passed you by.

Beating you
will be easier

than denying a trans inmate
corrective surgery

so they can fight
wildfires instead, ha!

Look, Missy, I invented
keeping non-violent criminals

locked up indefinitely.

Did you, or did you
just steal it

like you did
your 1988 stump speech,

you rusty old
tub of feces?

-Wait
-Whoa!

I'm serious. Lift your
balls off the ground

and shove off
back to Scranton

before I cram you into
the luggage rack of an Amtrak

and send you there!

And not on the Acela, Joe!

The Northeast Regional,
bitch!

-This is preposterous!
-Jesus!

-Get ahold of this!
-What?! Come at me!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Let's all take a step back.

Maybe we can find
some common ground.

-[booing]
-Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah!

I can skateboard
better than you, dork!

Joe, we won't back down.

Literally every decision
I've made in my life

has been in service
of this moment,

including getting
my girlfriend.

D-Did I mention
I have a girlfriend?

[all] Yes.

You probably know her
from the movies.

Do you wanna meet her?
I'll get her!

I made her wait
in the parking lot

in case you wanted
to meet her.

I'll get her. Hold on.

He's about to walk in here
with a body pillow.

[President Trump]
So many great CEOs

wanted to speak on my behalf,

but I decided to go with
the one who showed up --

My Pillow's Mike Lindell!

Ha, ha, hi!

I'm Mike Lindell,
and I make pillows!

I support this president,
and you should, too!

Great, Mike.
Thank you.

Oh-oh-oh, I got more!

Like Trumpy here,

I have the classic
American success story.

2007, the coroner
declares me dead,

and just before they roll me
into an unmarked hobo grave,

I snap to, head-butt S-O-S

against the roof
of that pine box,

and thank God the grave digger's
headphones weren't workin'

because he ripped me
out of the ground and --

Okay.
Any questions?

Any questions not about crack?

If you're just joining us,
we are on minute 40

without a commercial break.

Let's go now once again
to Vice President Joe Biden.

And may I just say,
I've never met a more gorgeous

Filipino girl than your
production assistant.

Not bad considering what
you're capable of saying.

Big-time.

Mr. Biden
has taken off the gloves

and just released
the first attack ad

of the Democratic primary.
Take a look.

[narrator 4]
If these Democratic candidates

refuse to endorse Joe Biden
for president,

can we trust their judgement
as president?

The answer is no.
The answer is Joe.

[Biden]
Don't Make An Old Man Beg.

Are you concerned that
since you've now attacked

your fellow Democrats,

they may strike back
with opposition research?

Ah, they wouldn't
look into my past.

The only thing in my past
is a bunch of hazy memories.

♪♪♪

Well, our lone pitchman
tried to sell us door-to-door,

and the business world
threw hot coffee in his face.

No offense, Mike.

Not my first brush with
humiliation. I'll tell ya that.

I once offered this dealer
an exchange

where I'd pretend to be
a kind of "human shoe."

Hello, if you want
businesses to chase you,

make 'em jealous
by grinding up

on big, strong
competing businesses!

You think that'll work?

I loved this cute guy,
so to make him jealous,

I started dating Jared.

I forgot about the whole plan
until just now.

It's so gonna work!

Interesting!
Good news, Mike --

I'm announcing an $800-billion
stimulus package

for the comfy pillow
industry.

No thanks!
I'm a self-made man!

I made myself
addicted to crack,

I made myself addicted
to pillows --

More good news --
you have no choice.

Ha, ha, hi!

I'm Mike Lindell, CEO of

My International Holdings
and Defense Solutions,

parent company of countless
newly created subsidiaries

that support our president,
like My Yummy Pizza.

If you're not getting
the pizza you need

from Yummy Time Pizza,
try My Yummy Pizza.

I've tried every pizza
out there, and nothing works.

Our patented cheese

forms to the exact same shape
of your mouth

so you can always have
a restful pizza!

[flatly]
My Yummy Pizza is the most

comfortable pizza
you'll ever eat.

Before My Yummy Pizza,
I had difficulty eating pizza.

Now I have a good night's
pizza every night!

Call now! Our pizza technicians
are standing by!

And don't forget
to support our president.

He's guarding
our conservative values

from cloven-hoofed Democrats

hell-bent on
Christian genocide!

♪ For the best pizza
in the whole wide world ♪

♪ Eat My Yummy Pizza ♪

-♪ And vote Trump ♪
-♪ Vote Trump ♪

Thank you, thank you.

My International Holdings
and Defense Solutions

is now the largest multinational
corporation on Earth,

and they are proudly pro-Trump.

Soon, Mike Lindell will
disrupt every industry

with his massive
government funding.

Ha, ha! Wow!
That's a lot of companies!

Good thing the crack
fried the part of my brain

with any self-doubt!

[President Trump]
Great idea, Ivanka.

Keep it up, and you'll be
Commerce Secretary.

Actually, do you want to
just be Commerce Secretary?

Boom, bam, I dub thee
Commerce Secretary!

Yay! Jared, Daddy
just said something!

Oh, yay, great.
Hey, you need to see this.

[narrator 1]
Come on down to Seafood Shack

where we hate Donald Trump,
but love endless shrimp.

[narrator 6]
Harris Meat Distributors --

supporting a coup since 2019.

-Whoa. What's going on?
-Don't you get it?

You are now these
companies' competitor,

so now they are
burying you.

Corporations don't get jealous
like that hot guy Ivanka loves.

They just destroy whatever
stands in their way,

and you are in their way.

Donations to your
legal fund? Done.

Donations to your
reelection campaign? Done.

You? Done!

[narrator 7]
Say "Trump sucks ass"

and receive 20% off of
Sigmund's Prenatal Vitamins.

[Biden]
So, what did you think

of my no-holds-barred
campaign strategy?

Joe, I tried to warn you,

but you just fired
the first shot

in a civil war with
your primary opponents.

Nah, everyone
loves Uncle Joe.

There's not a shoulder in
Washington I haven't massaged.

Just get ready
for the counter punch.

Now, what do you think of this
idea for a Netflix show --

it's a legal drama
in which an attorney

and his colleague
fall in love.

Eh, it sounds
derivative,

and I know a thing or two
about plagiarism.

You didn't let me finish.
Her father is his boss.

Meh.

Did you know 15 networks
rejected Stranger Things?

That's you.

[Lindell] Sure,

most multinational
corporations hate ya,

but I love ya more than
I've ever loved anything

in my entire life!

Ugh.
Well, it's been 45 minutes.

Maybe this thing
has all blown over.

[click]
Hello. I'm Stephen Miller.

Tucker Carlson
has the night off.

So...we're just doing this
out in the open now?

The gestating culture war

between pro- and anti-Trump
companies

has burst from its egg
and eaten its mother!

Mobs of hostile citizens,
inspired by warring ads,

are fire-bombing
ice-cream trucks,

overturning bracelet kiosks,

and tearing department-store
mannequins limb from limb!

[laughs]

[Tapper]
Welcome to tonight's

Democratic
Presidential Debate.

I'm Jake Tapper,
and most of these questions

will have something
to do with me.

Candidates, please
introduce yourselves.

I'm Senator
Elizabeth Warren!

And Joe Biden
is an out-of-touch,

zero-percent-Cherokee,
pro-Wall-Street Democrat!

Hey, what's good
for Wall Street

is good for Main Street,
or at least Wall Street.

I'm Senator Cory Booker,
and Joe Biden

is a sniveling centrist
who doesn't have a girlfriend!

Has the debate started?

'Cause I wouldn't mind
rebutting some of this.

I'm Senator Kamala Harris

of the great state
of California.

Finally -- someone
who follows the rules.

And Joe Biden
hugs too much!

He's probably hugging someone
right now! Look over there!

[audience booing]
[woman] Drag him!

[O'Rourke] Look at us.

Our nation is on the brink
of civil war,

yet we on this stage can't
put aside our petty squabbles.

We must do better.

[audience boos louder]

[Klobuchar]
Next time watch your nuts!

[audience booing]

[President Trump]
So, the corporate world

has gone nuclear against me,

including developing
their own nuclear weapons,

but I still have My Pillow.

Speaking of, how are we liking
My Yummy Pizza Friday, huh?

Mr. President, this is the
best pizza I've ever had,

and I'm telling my husband
the exact same thing.

Bullshit!
The pizza sucks!

The only reason
we're quiet

is it's glued
our tongues to our teeth.

Hey, Mike Lindell
knows pizza.

If he didn't,
why would I think that?

[chomps]

Mike, can you come in here?

Ha, ha! So, the state
of Minnesota

doesn't allow me
to legally own an oven,

but you wouldn't believe how hot
motel blow dryers get!

Pizza's not hair, Mike.
Just get out of here.

But where will I sleep?!
I'm kidding.

With a My Pillow, any park bench
is a California King.

[Biden] Hell!
It was an embarrassment.

I didn't even get a chance
to don my leather jacket

and wiggle my eyebrows!

Your opponents are just jealous
that you're riding

an un-inspected
roller coaster to victory.

Yeah, yeah! And I need
to tear off my lap bar

and run as
an independent!

Independent?! Don't you dare,
you monkey's ass.

You're gonna lose this election
for Howard Schultz!

That's a low blow!

You know I'd never
spoil it for Howard!

We all want Howard!

[Don Jr.]
Dad would kill us

if he found out we bought
from the competition.

This is so bad!

I feel like
a trucker from hell.

-[President Trump] Daddy's home!
-Shit!

Eric, eat the razors

and sit your huge ass
on the pizza! NOW!

[suspiciously] Is there
something I should know?

Uhhhh, y-yeah.

Uh, Mike Lindell's gross pizza
tastes r-really good!

No, it doesn't.
It tastes like the inside

of Mike Pompeo's
golf gloves.

What are you hiding?

[tearfully]
We bought some Nike shoes

and Ben & Jerry's
ice cream!

Okay.
As long as that's i--

Wha-- What the heck
is under Eric?

[gasps]
The pizza that hates me?!

I expect this from Eric

because he doesn't understand
right and wrong,

but not the rest of you,
except for Don.

Well, and maybe Ivanka,
I guess.

I swear we only
went behind your back

because your products
suck ass. Honest!

If it makes you feel better,
I-I just swallowed some razors.

Sick!
Pass me some blades!

Eric, for any other act of
treason, that would be enough,

but not this.

♪♪♪

[flatly]
Next pizza party animal.

Hello. I'm a liberal loser
who'd like a pepperoni pizza

that doesn't taste like
old clams and Clearasil.

Great. Do you want the pepperoni
to spell "Trump sucks"

or, for an extra buck,

we'll draw Trump as a deranged
clown in green peppers?

Not a big veggie guy.
I'll take "Trump sucks."

Oh, and, uh,
where's your restroom?

[President Trump eating loudly]

[President Trump] Oh, God!
What is wrong with me?!

Why am I eating
what hates me?!

[sobbing]
Whose side am I on?!

[continues eating loudly]

Why must this culture war
tear at the very fabric of --

[continues eating loudly]

You get ten more minutes,
Mr. President,

then I'm calling
the cops.

And that's why I've left
the Democratic Party

to form the Biden Party

which stands for
pragmatism, civility,

and a mature approach
to governance.

[whisper shout]
Hey! It's the quiet car!

Exactly.
So you should shut up.

No, you shut up!
I'm trying to do some work!

What, some dumb
marketing crap?

-Shh! Shh!
-Shh! No, you shush!

[shushing rapidly]
La-la-la-la!

Noise-noise-noise-noise!!

Look...at...you.

It's like I'm looking
at myself six years ago,

except you're not trying
to sell your daughter's

Lite-Brite
for a bag of flake.

[sighs] I almost wish
I could go back

and not say that thing
about Nazis.

Look, I'm just your
average crack addict

turned pillow mogul
next door,

but here's my glassy-eyed
point of view.

You've made politics
so intense that not even

Seafood Shack can stay
on the sidelines,

and it's kind of fun.

I don't need drugs because I can
just walk into a restaurant

wearing a MAGA hat,
and the ensuing riot

provides everything I crave --
a bullet-train heart rate

and a chorus of voices
screaming that I'm the devil!

Things are pretty intense.
Hmm.

I wonder if the country
is ready

for that civil war
we all know is coming.

Hey, after a long day
of battle,

the child soldiers
can sleep on My Pillow!

[Obama] Uh, Joe?

Joe!

-[screams]
-How long have you been here?

Since I got
kicked off the train.

So, how's the Biden Party
polling?

100% disapproval
among marketing dorks!

Joe, don't get frustrated.
It's not 2008.

You're not going to
unify this party.

Just go out there
and speak from the heart,

like only Joe Biden can.

Thanks, Barack.

You know, I got
a killer idea for a show.

It's a historical drama --

No! That's a bad idea
for a show. Sucks!

See how it feels?

[laughs] And that's how I
learned that during a rainstorm,

you can always squat
under someone's grill.

Daddy! Pro-Trump patriots
and anti-Trump Antifa

are clashing outside
of Yummy Time Pizza.

They say it might erupt
into a real civil war!

Oh, my God!
Did I not just call that?

Mike, tell Ivanka
I just called that!

♪♪♪

[mobs shouting]

If we lose this battle,
the tide will turn

in Yummy Time Pizza's favor,
and soon all the nation

will be tragically united
in opposition to me.

All right, boys,
are you ready?

[weakly]
I feel a little off.

I think it might be
the razor blades.

[weakly] Though it could
also be Mike Lindell's pizza.

Ha, ha!
I wouldn't rule it out.

I saw more than a few mites
bunking up in those hair dryers.

Now say the word,
and I'll smother everyone here!

[horse whinnies]

Ivanka, where did you
get a horse?

Every Secretary of Commerce
gets one.

I'm not gonna tell you
how to do your job.

On the count of "three,"
this war begins,

and no matter
who lives and who dies,

at some point, I'm probably
going to have some pizza.

One...two...three!

[whooshing]

[Biden] C'mere, you!

My fellow Americans,
I, and no one else,

said four score
and seven years ago

that the only thing
we have to fear is fear itself.

So ask not what your country
can do for you,

ask Mr. Gorbachev
to tear down this wall!

I guess what those
immortal words of mine meant

were, "Knock it off!
Stop your bellyaching!

We're lucky to be alive!
Now go back to work!"

[crowd murmuring in disapproval]

Joe. [sighs] Once again,
I gotta bail you out.

Despite what Joe says,

our political differences
are legitimate,

but let me be clear.

There's not a liberal America
and a conservative America;

there's the United States
of America, right?

-[woman] Right. Oh, yeah.
-[man] Right, right, right.

Okay, good. So go buy stuff.
Stuff is just stuff.

You know, uh, companies only
get political to make a buck.

We good here?
[woman] Yeah!

[man]
Thank you, Mr. Obama!

Okay, what do you guys think
of a show

that takes place
at a record store?

-Uh...
-Meh...

What if the store was run
by a father and daughter

with different tastes
in music?

-Eh.
-Okay.

Uh, now -- now, hold on.

He likes modern music,
she likes the old stuff.

Ha, ha! Even I saw
that one comin'!

Eh, forget it.
I still think it's solid.

Joe, let's go drone
that marketing dork.

[Biden] Hell yeah!

[mouth full] Well,
I got what I came here for.

[Common]
Hey, Common again,

for the United States
Chamber of Commerce.

After the light skirmishes of
the near civil war this week,

Corporate America
has discovered

that people don't wanna shop
in stores that are on fire.

So we're just gonna focus on
selling stuff for profit again.

Ahhh, everything is back
to normal with corporations

controlling American life
in the shadows.

Mike, you're officially
my last business friend,

and that's okay by me.

Thanks, Donald!
Well, I better hit the road.

See ya around, Mike.

See you around, Mr. President
of the United States!

[sleepily] I'll just, uh --
My Pillow. Oh...

[snoring grotesquely]

Ugh! He lives here now,
doesn't he?

[snoring] My Pillow!

['80s-style pop music plays]

♪ Donald Trump
is the president ♪

♪ Donald Trump
is the president ♪

♪ Is Donald Trump
the president? ♪

♪ Yes, he is ♪

♪ Yes, he is,
we elected him president ♪

♪ Is Donald Trump
the president? ♪

♪ Yes, he is ♪

♪ We had a vote
and elected him president ♪

♪ Donald Trump
is the president ♪

♪ Donald Trump ♪

♪ He is our president ♪

♪ We made him president ♪

♪ We did it ♪

♪ Donald Trump
is the president ♪

♪ We elected Donald Trump ♪

♪ Donald Trump
is the president ♪

♪ Donald Trump
is the president ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

Trump!