All language subtitles for Our Cartoon President s02e02_English

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

[O'Rourke]
We all know why we're here.

We need to stop Joe Biden

from running away with
the Democratic nomination.

The stakes
couldn't be higher --

if I don't get
this president job,

I gotta move back in
with my mom.

[Booker]
We gotta do something quick.

I promised my girlfriend
that I was gonna be president!

She said that's not
why she likes me,

but what else could it be?!

If I just introduce
one more policy,

then that should
catapult me to the top!

Lizzy,
you have a problem --

you gotta stop
introducing policies!

You're right. This calls for
a policy reduction plan --

30% fewer policies
by 2024!

You're doing it again,
Lizzy!

I KNOW!
BUT I CAN'T STOP!

Whoa. Hey. Voters don't
want to hear about policies

that improve their lives.

Maybe Biden
will stop campaigning

if we tell every voter
to shave their head

so he has no hair to smell.

Ooh, I have a way
to stop Joe Biden.

[all] Yes?

You just gotta put
a little fear in him.

Like I did to a silly assistant
who forgot to charge my iPad.

I deleted his
Social Security number

and hired a family
to move into his apartment

so he thought
he never existed.

Last time I saw him,
he was tearing his clothes off

and running
into the forest!

Stop it! You're scaring
Pete Buttigieg!

I need someone to stay in
my room until I fall asleep.

I'll do it. I usually
stay up to 2 a.m. anyway

searching my pockets
for oyster crackers.

What about you, Bernie?

You've taken a bigger hit
in the polls than anyone.

Oh, I don't care about the polls
or what I look like

or if I'm giving a speech
in the bathtub like a lunatic.

I just care
about the one percent

and never biting into
a nectarine that isn't ripe!

There's gotta be a way!

Pete, you're the latest
candidate voters are desperately

projecting their hopes onto.
How do we take down Biden?

I respect Biden,
but he lacks experience.

For example, has he
ever put L.E.D. bulbs

in the downtown
traffic lights?

Oh, I didn't know it was Bring
Your Annoying Kid to Work Day.

Hey, Peter, Beto here's gonna
show you how a copier works!

I know how
a copier works, okay?

I wrote my thesis
on how a copier works.

We could ask Mayor de Blasio,
but he really sucks big-time.

Kamala, you seem like the only
competent human being here.

What should we do?

I say give the nomination
to Joe.

He names me V.P.,

I start practicing for
my Mike Pence debate.

I might start right now --
"I'm a cop, Mike Pence!

I have two Tasers.
One for each of your nuts!"

If only we could combine
all our strengths,

Joe Biden wouldn't
stand a chance.

[all] I got it!

♪♪♪

Here's a question
from the audience.

How will you guarantee
quality health care

for every American?

[Warren] We have developed
the modern world's

most comprehensive
health-care plan.

[O'Rourke] And it also somehow
solves global warming.

[man] Yeah!
[tepid applause]

And, Mr. Biden,
your health-care plan?

Oh, yeah, yeah. Let me
get back to you on that one.

Hey! You guys
remember Barack Obama?!

I was his vice president!
[cheers and applause]

I'm Joe Biden! Joe Biden!
I'm Joe Biden and that's it!

-Damn it!
-Damn it!

♪♪♪

[President Trump] Sorry!
The title is redacted!

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

I'm Wolf Blitzer, and when
I shave, my beard screams.

President Trump
has refused to resupply

the International Space Station
until Democrats approve

a border wall that shoots flames
shaped like Steven Seagal.

But the President caved
after millions of schoolchildren

watched starving astronauts

resort to eating
their treadmill.

Let's go live to the President.
Wolf?

I'm dropping this fight, even
though the astronauts told me

that me getting my way
was worth an orbiting tomb.

-Mr. President? Mr. President?
-Yes, Jim Acosta?

Ann Coulter and Rush Limbaugh
criticized you for caving.

I don't have a question. I just
wanted to see you feel bad.

I didn't cave. I punted.

The Dems will bobble the ball,

I'll pick it up,
score a touchdown,

give the big halftime
locker-room speech,

tell my teammates, "This is
our moment, this is our time."

We come out screaming,
win the game,

we go party
at Troy's lake house,

I get my flaming border wall.

No more questions.

[Acosta] Just because
you can't see us

doesn't mean we can't see
the top of your head.

-How about now?
-Better.

Ooh! I hope Hannity's
on Hannity tonight!

Everyone, shut up!

Whoo! That's him!

After those pathetic astronauts
undermined our president,

I'm calling on all Americans
to open fire at space!

Joining me now,
conservative provocateur

and bat-winged guardian
of Snake Mountain,

Ann Coulter.

Maybe she's cool now.

I'm not happy
with the President.
[gasps]

Sean, the so-called
"deplorables"

got Trump elected,
and if he's not willing

to starve astronauts to
keep out starving migrants,

can he really call himself
a conservative?

[screams] I am sorry,
Mr. President.

I should've never brought on
Slenderman's wife.

Swap her out, stat!

♪ silly music plays ♪
Ha! You got the goat!

Ah-ha-ha! There he is!

He's playing accordion!
And look at it!

♪♪♪

[President Trump] Ann Coulter
is the worst boss in the world.

Sir, the challenge of
every dumb, fat president

is to balance the moderates
and the extremists.

You know, the fancies
and the hill people.

The moderates
and the extremists.

Someone just
said that, Ben.

Yes, I just heard
myself say it.

I hear myself saying stuff
all the time.

Sometimes it's hard to listen
to stuff I'm saying

while thinking
of new things to say.

Even now, I'm just --
Holy shit.

You see, being
a conservative president

is about riding two horses
at the same time.

One horse is a spitfire
named Ann Coulter

who wants to trample
poor people.

The other is a stallion
named Mitt Romney,

who wants to do the same thing,
only while carrying a briefcase.

Is that a metaphor
or do you know a horse

that carries a briefcase?

Forget Ann Coulter
and the Deplorables.

You're gonna need support
from vaccinated Republicans

like Romney when the Democrats
finally figure out

that treason is a crime.
You're right!

I'm pretty sure Romney loves me
as much as someone who spends

their last pennies mailing
pipe bombs to George Soros.

[classical music plays]

I don't like pandering
to whackos like Ann Coulter.

I like pandering to you.

You're smart, savvy,
eat five yogurts a day,

refer to bad drivers
as "buddy,"

all your teeth are the same
tooth over and over again.

What I'm saying
is you're great.

I appreciate that,
Mr. President,

and I respect your office.

That's not how people talk,
Mitt, but okay.

The Mueller Report accused me
of some pretty baseless facts.

Can I count on your fanatical,
unconditional support?

Sir, my only loyalty

is to my country, my God,
and the truth.

Lookie here, Truthy!

You know all that nice stuff
I said earlier? I take it back!

One tooth looks slightly
different than the other teeth.

Sir, have you no decency?

Oh, I have decency
coming out my ass!

[music stops]

Excuse me. "Anus."
Geez!

♪ dong ♪
Dong! Fox News alert!

I assume I'm dreaming,

but cameras have just spotted
President Trump

and known French spy
Mitt Romney out to dinner.

God willing, the President
was just at a handjob parlor

that shares a door
with the restaurant

and also gives to-go bags.

Joining me now
is Ann Coulter...

Maybe it's a different
Ann Coulter.

...author of
"How to Cook a Liberal."
Damn it!

The Romney dinner was a
betrayal of every Trump voter,

from alcoholic Jet Ski dealers
to sunburned sheriffs.

The President takes us
for granted, Sean.

He probably doesn't even want
to shove fleeing refugees.

[tearful]
That's a low blow, Ann!

You know he does!

♪♪♪

[Mitt] Taggart Romney,
what are you still doing up?

It's nearly dusk.

I got a stomach ache

from laughing too hard
at a Popsicle joke.

How was your dinner
with the President?

Did you guys talk
about the Constitution?

I tried, but he was too busy
using my hand to play that game

where you stab the knife
between your fingers real fast.

Then he asked for
a loyalty pledge.

-[gasps] Did you call 911?
-I did.

The dispatcher said
a violation of decency

was not an emergency
and hung up.

Cat-scratches!
What are you gonna do?

The only thing I can do --

shave my face three times
and go to bed.

My party's being mean,

and not even spaghetti in
the steam room can cheer me up.

[steam hissing]

E.T.?

It's someone more lovable
than E.T. --

Commerce Secretary
Wilbur Ross.

Pffff.
Don, I came here
for two reasons.

One, if I don't steam naked
every 36 hours,

my skin turns
to puff pastry...
Uh-huh.

...and to tell you

that when the Democrats'
impeachment dogs are closing in,

Mitt Romney ain't
gonna defend you.

But Coulter and your army
of screaming shut-ins will,

just to own the libs.

So be the gross man

they lost contact
with their families over.

I can only try!

[blissful music playing,
click, TV turns off]

Hey! We weren't done watching
Little House on the Prairie!

Laura just found
a bottle in the creek!

Due to the President's
indecency, I barely slept

15 hours last night,

so I've decided to speak out
against him.

My hero!

And when he resigns in shame,
I'll reluctantly accept

the nation's will
and assume the office

I've single-mindedly sought
my entire life.

Prepare yourselves
for the right-wingers

to come at us
pretty hard.

Are they gonna call us
"snuggle worms"?

[all whimpering]

A dry sponge to your tongue
for even the suggestion of it!

[rock music playing,
click, TV turns off]

Hey! We weren't done
watching Sex Town!

The town was just
about to have sex!

Oh. Sorry.
[click]

[Mayor] Okay, Town,
let's have sex!

Family, I've decided
to set aside

my natural
Ronald Reagan-esque decency

and go balls deep

on the deplorable wing
of our party.

-Hell yeah!
-You go, Daddy!

What were we
doing before?

I'm just not sure I can be as
gross as they need me to be.

I'll take this one.

Donald, I want you
to listen to me.

You're the most disgusting man
on Earth.

You're small-minded,
you're selfish, you're cruel,

you smell before, during,
and after bathing,

you're constantly stepping
on my feet without realizing it,

you sweat formaldehyde
and piss tar,

you crank-call homeless shelters
to make them listen to you

chew pizza in bed,
and you poop when you sneeze.

You could've just said
I could do it.

I'm going to become

the most vile, detestable
president in history

so Ann Coulter
will cut me some slack!

♪♪♪

I'm so glad your presidency
is getting even more deplorable.

[tearful] Us dirtbags
finally have a voice.

Shut up. Thanks, Don.

But I gotta brush up
on the basics.

That's why
I've called a meeting

with the dean of disgusting
himself -- Rudy Giuliani.

So, what are we
thinking, guys?

Do we wanna get some oysters,
wanna get a big mushroom,

slap some nacho cheese on it,
put our cigars out in it?!

We need wine! Red wine!
Thickest one ya got!

I want it to come out
like ketchup!

By the time we leave here,
they're gonna have to

burn this tablecloth
in the park.

[laughs, coughs, gulps]

I swallowed the cigar again.
I do this so much,

the doctor just taught me
how to pump my own stomach.

Sick!
This guy makes me sick!

More wine,
you goddamn bastards!
[bottle shatters]

Rudy, this is important.
Can you focus?

I am focused.
I'm focused on the painting

of the lady
with huge knockers.

I cheated on my wife
with a lady like that.

I weighed her knockers.
They didn't weigh the same.

Close, but I was still angry.
They should weigh the same!

Rudy, I need to
shore up my base!

[gulping]
Why didn't you say so?

All right.
Here's what I'm thinking.

You, me, knockers painting,
we go to Flashdancers, and --

I-I can't think in here!
[gulping]

[gavel bangs]
[Mitt] Hear ye, hear ye.

To address the President's
vile behavior,

I call to order
the inaugural meeting

of the Decent Republicans
Caucus.

Roll call.
Senator Susan Collins?

Present. I love to signal that
I'm one of the good Republicans,

disappear for two days,

then vote a drunk sex maniac
onto the Supreme Court.

Great.
First order of business,

reclaiming our party from
the filthy grip of Donald Trump.

-I'm all-in.
-Let's come out of the gate

with a firmly worded,
untelevised speech

at the Lincoln Memorial
on a Tuesday afternoon.

Huzzah! Great idea.

Just give me two days
to think about it.

Hmm. According to my notes,
you said you were "all-in."

Oh, I so am.

Just give me two days,

then I'll say if I'm a "no"
or a "maybe yes."

Why do I sense that in two days
you will flip on the issue?

Is this the famous Mitt Romney
sense of humor?

I'm one of the good Republicans.
Who just needs two days.

[President Trump] Giuliani
was completely useless.

I'm so glad he's only in charge
of whether or not I go to jail.

Dad, I brought you a Republican
that's an expert

at poking a stick in the
right wing's lizard brain.

Ted Cruuuzz!

Anything to help the man
who flew down to Texas

days before my election
and dragged my concussed,

unresponsive body
into the end zone!

Ted, Ann Coulter friggin' loves
your ugly ass. How do you do it?

Well, to keep the deplorables
happy, ya never compromise!

Even if it means a mob
calling you a "rat bastard"

and running you out of town
so you seek refuge in a church,

but the priest runs downstairs
and beats you with a cross,

so you hide in a 7-Eleven,
but the lottery machine

keeps spitting tickets
with the number 6-6-6,

so the clerk pushes you
off a cliff,

and a bus of little children
stomp on your wormy fingers,

screaming,
"End the scum!"

I don't know.
I don't wanna go to a church.

-Senator Collins?
-[Collins] Who is it?

Uh, Senator Mitt Romney.
It's been two days.

Have you decided if you'll join
me in denouncing the President?

[Collins]
I need two more days.

What will be different
in two days?

It'll be two days
from now.

Susan, are you committed
to the mission

of the Decent
Republicans Caucus?

Ring ring!

Your wife just called and
told me to tell you to go home.

What's my wife's name?

Susan's mailbox is full.
Goodbye.

♪♪♪

Stevie! Nobody embodies
deplorable Republicans

more than someone with your
beautiful pulsing head.

Now, how do I make them
love me forever?

The pulsing is voluntary.
Now, take a look at this.

As a cute, little hobby,

I measure the ultraviolet
heat index

of our most loyal
screeching mole rats.

Now, here's where it got
Chernobyl-level hot!

[crowd]
Lock her up! Lock her up!

In conclusion, we should
arrest Hillary Cli--

Dad! You should lock up
Hillary Clinton!

Great idea!

Miller, our time on Earth
is precious. Stop wasting it.

[Hillary] That's when
they called Wisconsin,

and there was not a dry eye
in the Javits Center.

How was your day?

Ugh. Spent the day trying
to convince Ronan Farrow

to report me to the FBI.

Hillary,
I'm so tired of runnin'.

Oh, Bill,
it's been 40 years.

I'm sure you'll never be held
accountable for your actions.

[pounding on door]
[man] FBI! Open up!

Yippee! Come on in!
I got cookies, I got cake!

I am proud to announce
that, tonight,

the Federal Bureau
of Investigation

arrested Crooked Hillary
for the crime of mega-treason,

fulfilling one of my strongest

and most deplorable
campaign promises.

In 72 hours, she will receive
a fair trial by combat.

She's fighting
a dangerous jungle cat

in the well of
the House of Representatives.

Aren't we better
than this?

Wow! Every word out of her mouth
just makes me more excited.

Today, I speak out
in defense of decency.

Our most decent president,
Ronald Reagan,

once called the United States
"a shining city on a hill."

And it is my strong opinion
that President Donald Trump

has ever so slightly dimmed
that light, no offense.

[man] Hey, podium boy! I'm
trying to take a picture! Move!

Oh, no. Am I late?
Did I miss it?

Well, good job.
I've gotta go.

Your shoe fell off.

Keep it!
I've got more!

[Collins yelling]

[Hannity] Folks, at long last,
the streets are safe

from Hillary Clinton!

Leave your doors unlocked,
put away the bazookas,

and go ahead
and flash your brights

at people
whose headlights aren't on

without worrying about being
targeted for a thrill-killing.

Ann, get in here.

Donald Trump has restored
law and order,

letting people know you can't
just compete in a free election

against him
and get away with it.

Burn the paintings!

Anything that doesn't have
Trump's face on it isn't art!

Hey, happy Hannity,
happy life.

Mr. President? Republican
megadonor Sheldon Adelson

wants to see you
in the cabinet room. Uh-oh.

[thunder rumbles]
You know, if you wanted

to compliment me, you could've
just done it on the phone.

Sorry. All I heard
was the word "meat."

Still only hearing "meat."

[Adelson grumbles]

♪♪♪

Hello, Dangerous Donald.

Hello...Dumb Hillary.

Sheldon Adelson says
I should free you,

Ann Coulter says I shouldn't,

and you're the only person
in the White House

whose résumé isn't full
of knockoff stereo scams.

What should I do?

Oh, Donald.
You could have had it all.

A hotel in Moscow.
A television network.

And now look at you -- being
torn apart by two wild horses.

Hey, if I wanted
a psychiatrist,

I would've taken the advice
of everyone I've ever met.

Should I let you go?

That's the kind
of painful choice

I do not have to
make anymore,

thanks to my tranquil new life
inside this box.

Ohh. You're so lucky.

What I wouldn't give
to trade places with you.

♪♪♪

Ah, you win again.

Art of the deal, baby.
Still got it.

[Mitt] An easy speech
to deliver, it was not.

It was 63 degrees outside,

well below the body's
temperature, but I soldiered on.

Tell it again, Dad!

Another day. [blows]

Let's check the news
to see if the President

soberly absorbed my comments
and vowed to do better.

Hmm.

The President hasn't commented
on my brave speech.

I'm sure he's just
praying on it.

The President
is not a man of faith.

He once told me that Jesus
was good at computers.

Well, if one thing
is certain,

it's that I did
everything I could.

If anyone needs me, I'll be
standing quietly in the garage.

[narrator]
And now a message

from the President
of the United States.

So, two things.

One, the nation
is getting bagels on Friday,

so that's good.

[clapping]

Two, I know the fake news said

that Hillary tricked me
into locking myself in here,

but actually, I did it

because a melting billionaire
told me to.

Then I goofed around
and got burned.

Anyways, Pompeo's out
buying bolt cutters.

Enjoy those bagels!

I love my president, but how
could he just let Hillary go?!

I was wrong to endorse
Donald Trump

in the books I write for
people to read on airplanes

that let everyone know
they're going to be a handful.

I'm calling on
the Republican Party

to find a new candidate

and, if need be,
I will enter the race!

Holy crap! Coulter and Trump
both running for prez?!

It's like you're each
holding a treat

and I'm the puppy
deciding whether to live

at Mom's house
or Dad's house!

This is a real bummer
after all those nice things

you said to motivate me.

You're a thief,
a cheat, a racist,

a terrible
Pictionary player,

you leave your ass hairs
all over the toilet seat...

All right. I think we've got
enough gas in the tank, Melania.

[hollow knocking]

Susan? Uh, your staff informed
me that in order to avoid me,

you've sealed yourself
inside a wall.

[Collins] Susan's
not here right now.

I'm a smart wall.

Beep-boop! Your toothpaste order
has shipped.

[sighs] You should know
that I've decided

to leave the Decent
Republicans Caucus.

[half-heartedly]
Oh, what? No.

Will you carry the torch
forward, proud and tall?

Can't. No hands.
I'm a wall.

I understand.

I have failed my family,
my country,

my favorite brand of digestive
biscuits, and my God.

And I'm deeply sorry.

[Collins]
I have to get out of this wall.

Unless staying in the wall
polls better.

Wait for the data, Susie.

[Don Jr.]
I said, "Go to wherever

they filmed
The Hangover Part II!"

Hangover Part II now!

-Don, what are you doing?
-Running away!

I bought a friggin' tiger,

and now we're not even
gonna feed Hillary to it!

Just put the tiger
in the East Room.

I'm sure one of
my cabinet members

will come by and shoot it.

I know.
That's not my concern.

When you became a deplorable
slimeball, I finally felt heard,

not only as a voter,
but as a son.

But it turns out,
you're just another

upstanding member
of polite society.

So I'm going to the
Hangover Part II place,

where I'll be treated like
a synthetic weed-smoking god.

Fine, Don,
but don't come back

unless you bring me
a cool souvenir,

like a T-shirt that says,
"I Live at the Corner

of 'Kiss My Ass Avenue'
and 'No Friggin' Way'."

♪♪♪

What if he never comes back
with that shirt?

[narrator] Donald Trump
claims he's deplorable,

but does his record support it?

Did you know
that his 18-person cabinet

is packed to the brim
with three women?

Sure, he arrested
Hillary Clinton,

but he broke his promise
to feed her to a tiger.

[tiger roars]
In 2020, we need a candidate

whose neo-fascism
is not for sale.

Paid for by the Draft
Ann Coulter for President

Committee.

I feel pretty stupid

for donating 10,000 bucks
to that committee.

Boys, Daddy Romney

has realized that
Republican decency is dead

and so, to claw my way to
the presidency as God ordained,

I must take on some
pretty repulsive behavior.

Are you going to tie a
Starburst wrapper into a knot

with your tongue to prove
you're a good French kisser?!

I don't want you
to see me like this.

Promise you'll sleep
for the next 72 hours.

You heard Dad.
To the family bed!

Go! Go! Go!

[Mitt]
Hello, fellow MAGA heads.

You know what I don't like?
Immigrants.

A-And you know what I do like?

Children armed to the teeth.

I know all the cursed words,
and I say them frequently.

[groans]
I don't feel good.

[clears throat]

I like women with small brains
and large breasts.

[gulps, inhales deeply]

I have big hands and
a corresponding big johns--

[vomits wildly]

[man] Whoa!
Mitt Romney's barfin'! Oh, yeah!

[steam hissing]

God damn it! Why won't you
cheer me up, spaghetti?!

[choking, gulps]

[groans]

♪ divine music plays ♪

Um...

Hmm?

[horse neighs]

Well, hello, Mr. Trump.

Hollywood starlet
Ronald Reagan?

Wow!
So this is heaven.

You had a 50/50 shot,
but, uh, no.

[distant screaming]

Listen to me, Donald.

Everyone's been telling you
the Republican Party

has two horses and you need
to ride them both.

But the party is actually one
horse with two different heads.

What's the, uh,
penis situation?

For decades, the buttoned-up,
good Republican presidents

have enacted modern history's
grossest policies --

the War on Drugs,
ending welfare,

couple of Iraq Wars,
and ignoring the AIDS crisis.

That last one was you.

In a way,
they were all me,

and I'm not ashamed
of it, either.

See, an inner-grossness
connects all Republicans,

even you.

Now, go, Donald.

Be the grossest Republican
you can be.

Oh, and one more thing.

Yes, sir?

[echoing]
AIDS isn't real.

[horse neighs]

[grunts]

Ugh! Hunh!

Thanks, Wilbur.

Oh, you're not dead.

I just saw a corpse
and wanted to kick it.

Dad, are you okay?

My outrageous MAGA rally

got me invited to Gene Simmons'
birthday party.

It's "bring your own lube."
Do we have any Wesson oil?

You're attending?!

These are the sorts of events
I must attend

to survive
in the Republican Party.

Dad, don't lose faith.

The Grand Old Party
still has room for decency.

Just look at its history --

the War on Drugs,
ending welfare,

all those Iraq Wars,
and ignoring the AIDS crisis.

I guess we always
have been

on the right side of history,
haven't we?

Tagg, I used to think
the two G's in your name

stood for "Good Guy."

Now I know they
stand for "Great Guy."

What are you doing back?

I ran over some guy with
a speedboat in Thailand.

I was pretty sure
he was already dead.

Anyways, I had to take
the first flight back.

Don, I had you, the party,
all of it, all wrong.

We're all deplorable,
especially Ronald Reagan.

He armed the Taliban.

Shut up! I thought
Reagan was a nerd.

Now, we need to show this party
that they don't have to choose

between being deplorable
and being good Republicans.

Has anyone
shot the tiger yet?

John Bolton grazed it,
so it's super-pissed!

Tell Attorney General
William Barr

we need a warrant
to arrest Hillary Clinton!

But what if
he won't sign it?

Ah, never mind. He sent over
some blanks this morning.

[President Trump] Before
we get this show on the road,

I want to say that
Ronald Reagan was right.

America is a shining city
on a hill.

But when you get up close, you
notice that it's only shining

because there's a bunch of
fake gold, illegal fireworks,

and pervs experimenting
with flammable lubricants.

I guess what I'm saying is,

as much as the GOP pretends
it's not,

it is, from top to bottom,
super duper gross.

In honor of this rich tradition,
please direct your attention

to the most vivid representation
of our ideals --

Hillary Clinton being fed
to an agitated tiger!

[cheers and applause]

Yeah-ah-ah! Washington is
finally working for me!

[tiger growls]
That's one big Pokémon.

Stop That's not true,
Mr. President!

This is the party
of decency.

[all booing]
[man] Yeah, fuck you!

When Reagan said
we're a shinning city,

he meant you got to look
at this country from far away,

using binoculars,
standing on the balcony

of your really nice house,

and that's why
decency will always w--

[tiger snarls]
Oh, snuggle worms.

[Mitt screaming]

Oh, no.
Did I miss it again?

Wish I could help.
Gotta go.

Whoa. For a boring guy,

Mitt's got a lot going on
inside of him.

[McConnell] After what
you did to Hillary,

there isn't a Republican alive
that would abandon you.

I'm proud of you, Dad.
Hey. Check it out.

Aw. Thanks, Don.

Well, Hillary
may have gotten away,

and Mitt Romney might
still be clinging to life,

but at least I showed
that any Republican

who acts like
they're better than me

is absolutely
kidding themselves.

I just want to tell everyone
sorry that I put the family

through yet another
trying ordeal.

Aw. It's okay.

The important thing is you
stood up for what's right.

And I learned that
when it comes down to it,

the most decent thing anyone
can do is not make a big fuss.

[all] Hooray!

Oh, what happened to your face?
Did you fall?

Anyways,
I've made my decision

on whether to stay in the
Decent Republicans Caucus.

And?

♪♪♪

I'm not gonna do it.
I'm a coward.

['80s-style pop music plays]

♪ Donald Trump
is the president ♪

♪ Donald Trump
is the president ♪

♪ Is Donald Trump
the president? ♪

♪ Yes, he is ♪

♪ Yes, he is,
we elected him president ♪

♪ Is Donald Trump
the president? ♪

♪ Yes, he is ♪

♪ We had a vote
and elected him president ♪

♪ Donald Trump
is the president ♪

♪ Donald Trump ♪

♪ He is our president ♪

♪ We made him president ♪

♪ We did it ♪

♪ Donald Trump
is the president ♪

♪ We elected Donald Trump ♪

♪ Donald Trump
is the president ♪

♪ Donald Trump
is the president ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

Trump!