All language subtitles for Brooklyn.Nine-Nine.S05E12.WEBRip.x264-ION10-1

- This installation
is composed of

Constantine's accounts
of the first Punic War

in the year 264...
- Ah, yes the first pubic war,

the sexiest of all wars.

Hi, Dr. Albrin Einstibe.

I have an urgent question
for you about Ancient Greece.

Shall we walk?
- Of course, Doctor...

I feel like you said
Einstibe?

- Yes, that's correct,
it's a family name.

- What is going on?
- Captain Holt sent me.

Just follow my lead.
Your theory is wrong.

The Greeks did not climb out
of the Trojan Horse's butt.

Put this on.
- A rose shearing hat, at work?

People will think I'm demented.
- Just put it on.

- Kevin, Dr. Einstibe.
- Ah, professor McGonagall.

- Why is Boyle dressed as me?
- Shh!

Get in.
- But this cart is...

- Get in!

Professor
- Student.

- Hello, Kevin.
It's me, Raymond Holt.

We need to get you to safety.
Your life is in danger.

- Okay, so we've secured
Captain Holt's husband.

Let's discuss how to proceed.

- So what you're saying is,
we need to talk about Kevin.

I have no regrets!

- Kevin is currently
at the safe house

with Captain Holt.
- How long will he

have to stay there?
- My friend in the

Organized Crime division says
they've been building a case

against Seamus Murphy
for years, and they're close.

They think they'll move on him
in the next month or two.

- So you're saying,
Kevin can wait?

You know what,

you people are insane.
That was gold.

- Okay, two months in a safe
house... that's not impossible.

- It's nothing.
I once stayed in my apartment

for 3 1/2 months straight.
- Was that after

they cancelled "Bunheads"?
- Why would you bring that up?

- I don't understand. Why can't
we just put Kevin into WITSEC?

- The Murphys have
killed three witnesses

in federal protection.
Captain doesn't wanna risk it.

We'll take shifts
staying with Kevin.

- No, it should just be me.

Look, it's my fault
that Murphy's after Kevin.

Captain Holt bailed me out,

and now it's my turn
to bail him out.

Plus we've got this whole
tit for tat thing going,

and it's my time to tit.
It's my tit turn.

My time to tit is today,
Terry.

- You're gonna stay
locked up in a safe house,

away from us for two months?
That's going to be brutal.

- You just said it was nothing.
- Brutal for me, Gina.

- Relax, I'm still
going to be able

to text and chat with everyone.
It's not like I'm being

totally shut off
from the outside world.

- Say good-bye
to the outside world.

You're in the safe house now,
so I'll need your phone.

- Why?
- Internet, cellular signals.

They're too easy to trace.
- Seriously, no phone?

What am I supposed to do
to pass the time?

- You could learn
a foreign language.

- Go to hell.

- The "no internet rule"
was a shock to me as well.

I was hoping
to salvage this time

to do research on my new book.

But apparently that
will not be possible.

- I'm sorry,
it's for your own safety.

Here, Peralta, let me give
you a tour of the safe house.

This is the living room.

- Oh.
- Stop!

You're entering
the zone of visibility.

Someone could see
you through the windows.

- Why don't we just
close the blinds?

- At mid-day?
That's far too suspicious.

Blinds will only
be closed at night.

If you must go into the living
room, crawl on your belly.

Observe.

- Seems a little extreme.

- You're right,
it's extreme of me to try

to prevent my husband from
being shot in the face.

I'm over-doing it.
Kevin, come in here.

Take your bullet.
- No, fine.

We'll stay on our bellies.
- Thank you.

This is one of several
designated areas

where you can
stand upright during the day.

You can move about freely
in this square.

- Wow, so we have
all this room to work in?

- Your hand can be seen
from the living room window.

You just killed Kevin.
- Raymond...

- I can't hear you, Kevin.
You're dead.

He bled out in your lap.

How will you break the news
to me? Let's see.

- We don't have to do this.
- Ah, Detective Peralta,

how are things
going with Kevin,

the love of my life?
Wait, why are you here

at this late hour?
And whose blood is that?

- Okay, I get it.
- It's Kevin's?

This is devastating.
I'm inconsolable.

And I've killed myself.

- Cool, well,
I can see this is

gonna be a fun
couple of months.

Okay,
we can't stream anything,

but I brought
my DVD collection.

Do you like Nic Cage movies?
- I don't know who that is.

- Only the greatest and most
compelling actor of all time.

- What are his movies like?
Describe them.

- Okay, well, one of them is

the FBI has developed
face-swapping technology.

- Not interested.
- There's a whole plane

full of convicts.
- Nope.

- On the back of
the original

Declaration of Independence,
there's a hidden treasure map!

- Stop.
- But that's the smartest one!

- Oh my God, I'm so glad
Captain Holt finally agreed

to let you come visit.
I missed you so much.

- Me too.

Um... is there a way we
could get a bit more privacy?

- Just pretend I'm not here.
God knows I am.

- Okay, I think you're actually
going to like this one.

Nic Cage is a chemist...

- Interesting, keep going.

- Who has to
break into Alcatraz...

- Absolutely not!

Are there no other actors?

- It's Captain Holt.

Hello, Captain.
- And... you're both dead.

You didn't ask
for the password.

What if I were an assassin

wearing a
hyper-realistic latex mask?

- Or perhaps you employed
"Face/Off" technology.

- What?
- I broke down and watched

one of Peralta's action films.

I'm lying,
I watched them all,

including one
wherein a man's head

turns into a flaming skull.

- "Ghost Rider",
and "Ghost Rider 2."

Both master-pie.

- Yes, I need
your help, Raymond.

- Luckily, I come
bearing good news.

My friend in the
Organized Crime unit

tells me that they're moving
against Murphy tonight.

- Oh, my God, really?
- You're serious?

You mean to say
this could be ending?

Peralta, it's happening.
It's finally happening.

- Call everyone, we'll get a
live feed of the raid

and have a viewing party.

"Tie a yellow ribbon
round the old oak tree,

'cause this boy's comin' home."

- "Con Air".

What have I become?

- Oh, yes, people.

Actual real people
that aren't Kevin.

Hi, I want to touch you.
- Babe, you're being weird.

- Right, sorry.
I forgot how to be human.

- Yeah.
- Oh, Charles!

- Ah.
- I need to hear your voice,

Tell me what I've been
missing at the nine-nine.

- Ooh, Terry's grandma
got really sick

and had to spend a month
in the hospital.

- Oh... that's sad.

I more meant like
funny work anecdotes.

- Ah, Scully sat
on a cherry pie

and he didn't notice
for six hours.

The tin stayed on
the whole time.

- Now we're talking.
Did you take a picture?

- Honestly, I didn't see it.

I was at Terry's
grandma's funeral.

- Come on.
- Everyone, quiet down.

The feed is live and the raid
begins in T-minus 60 seconds.

- In one minute, Kevin and I
will finally be able

to leave this awful place.

- And yet we'll never
be free of the nightmares.

- No, those shall
haunt us for always.

- Whoa, things got
really intense in here, huh?

- Oh, yeah, it got dark.
This place is a hell-mouth.

- Cool.
- Shh! They're about to move.

- Bravo team, stand by.
- I love this.

I feel like Ellen
watching her producers

go through a haunted house.

- Breach, breach!
- They're in.

- There's nobody here.
- Uh-oh, the house is empty!

- No, no, no, no, no, no.
Where's Seamus?

- I don't understand,
what's happening?

- Someone must have
tipped them off.

The raid is a bust,
and Murphy's still at large.

- So what you're saying is...

- Everyone on the ground,
immediately!

Oh no, I sat in another pie.

- Damn it!
Next time, sit on a pie

when we can enjoy it,
Scully.

- Organized Crime

is hunting for Murphy,
but we can't just sit back

and hope they find him. Diaz,
where are you with your CI?

- They said Seamus'
girlfriend Nikki works in

a hair salon in Bay Ridge.
- Nice, classic mistress job.

- Hey, my girlfriend's
a hairdresser!

- And you cheated
on your ex-wife with her.

- Checkmate. Well played.

- Okay, Nikki
won't talk to cops.

So we've got to send
someone in as a customer.

Get her to open up,
start gossiping.

- Send me.
I'm a gossip surgeon.

I can get
anything out of anyone.

- You can't go undercover,
you're not a cop.

- How am I not a cop, Terry?
'Cause I don't have a badge?

Being a cop is a state of mind.
- It's definitely not.

Diaz, the mission is yours.

- Great. I love strangers
touching my head.

- Sorry, you don't
have a choice. Dismissed!

- Actually, Sarge,
I have a lead too.

I found the place that
provides shredding services

for Murphy's companies.
I subpoenaed those shreds.

We can piece them together.

- Smart. How many shreds
are we talking?

- A few.

- Oh, crap.

- According to Organized Crime,

Murphy has gone to ground,
and there are no leads.

- Oh, that's great.
If he's on the run,

he probably won't
be worrying about Kevin.

- And if you coat yourself
in chum and swim with sharks,

you probably won't be eaten.

Said the half-eaten
chum-covered swimmer.

While Murphy is at large,
he's still a threat.

- So I'm going
to be stuck here forever,

following these over-the-top
security precautions?

- No.
- Thank God.

- The security procedures
are about to become

much more over-the-top.

Say good-bye to your one hour
of open window time.

- But sir, the stench.
It needs some way to escape.

- I already feel as though
I'm trapped inside of...

What are those things
you're always eating?

- Pizza bagels? Pizza rolls?
- No. No.

- Pizza poppers? Pizzaritos?
- No. No.

- Pizza pockets?
- That's it.

How much longer
will I be forced to live

inside this pizza pocket?
- Look, I could tell you

that it'll just be
a few more weeks,

but you don't want me
to lie to you.

- Raymond, I beg of you.
Give me two hours

at the library to work
on my book... just two hours.

It will make
all the difference.

- Yeah, I could go with him,
keep him safe.

- No library. Seamus' men
could be lurking in the stacks.

- I find that unlikely.
- I understand, but I disagree.

- Well then,
we are in disagreement.

You'll have to excuse me.

- I'm sorry you had to witness
such a vicious fight.

- Oh, was that a fight?
- Are you kidding?

He said
"you'll have to excuse me"

instead of "please excuse me."

Might as well have
spit in my face.

- Okay, first of all,
Rosa, you look amazing.

Secondly, I made an
appointment at the salon

with Nikki, for you,
under the name

Gabriella Fuentes
de San Miguel Estrada.

I had fun with the name.
- Clearly.

- Here's the plan.
Gabriella Fuentes

de San Miguel Estrada
gossips about her love life.

Then, Nikki opens
up about hers.

- Yeah, this is the problem.
I suck at gossiping.

- Which is why
I brought along a specialist.

Gina will be in your ear
feeding you stories.

- I will be basing Gabriella
on my sister's friend, Dana.

Just be warned...
Dana real sloppy.

- So, Nikki, I always wanted
to get my hair cut here.

Everyone says you're the best.

Oh, my God,
I love your earrings.

Where did you get
those hoops?

- Mmm, I don't know.

- Oh no, Nikki's not a talker.
We're screwed.

- Don't worry angel, Gina's
got this, crackety-crack.

Rosa, repeat after me
and don't change a thing.

Can I tell you
the craziest story?

One time I was like
so drunk...

- And this meathead
comes up to me.

And his body is hot,
but his face is like okay.

So I'm like, what?

- And I was like, bitch,
I'm not gonna sleep with you

just because you promised
to take me to the Bahamas.

- Take me to the Bahamas first

and then we'll see
what happens, okay?

- I was only with him
because he drove a Jaguar.

- Turns out it was a Mercury

with a Thundercat
taped to the hood.

- And that relationship
lasted for three months.

- I don't know why we broke up.
I guess we just grew apart

when he went
to prison for life.

- I hear that.

The guy I'm seeing
is into some shady stuff.

- Right?

- There it is,
the breakthrough.

Follow up, follow up!

- So, how'd you guys meet?

- That's a funny story,
for next time.

You're all done,
and you look hot, girl.

- No, no, she was opening up.

Rosa, figure out a way
to stay in that chair.

- Hey, Nikki,
I was just wondering.

How do you think
I would look...

as a blonde?

- Like a Danielle Steele novel.

- Good oranges, nice and dry.
Not at all ripe.

- Fascinating.
My orange is beginning to rot.

That happens
when you leave an orange

sitting around
for too long

and refuse to even let that
orange go to a library

for two hours so it can feel
like a real orange again.

- You know what really
causes an orange to go bad?

Getting shot.
Have you seen what a bullet

does to an orange?

- I shot a watermelon once.

It's exactly
what you want it to be.

I miss Amy.
- You think I enjoy doing this?

I assure you, I do not.

I'm simply trying
to keep my husband alive.

- Well, you may not
have a husband

when all of this is over.

- You're not
going to die, Kevin.

- That's not what I meant.

- I'm leaving.
This is an absurd conversation,

and you're being ridiculous.

- You know what, screw this.
We need a break.

I'm a cop, I can protect us.
We're going to the library.

These two oranges
are stepping out.

Oh, damn it, peeling out.
It was right there!

- Okay, Captain Holt has
back-to-back meetings

at One Police Plaza today,

which means we have
a four-hour window

before he checks on any
of the security feeds.

But going out into public
is a huge risk,

so maybe let's go over some
self-defense techniques.

Usually, you warn somebody
before you do that.

- Raymond told me that
the element of surprise

was crucial.
- Cool.

So he's a great teacher.
But I will say this.

If you're going
to do a throat punch,

it is key that you say
something cool afterwards

like, "choke on that."
- But they're not choking.

They're experiencing
airway trauma.

Ooh, how about,

"Better get some
corticosteroids

to treat that
laryngeal fracture."

- Okay, yeah,
that's very informative

and quite polite.

But maybe add
a "dirtbag" on the end?

- But a dirtbag is
a useful part of a vacuum.

I don't see how it's an insult.

- All right, you know,
puncher's choice.

Moving on, we're going
to need disguises.

And since we're going
to a public library,

the best way to fit in
is as...

- Scholars.
- Weird perverts.

- Yes, weird perverts
is far better.

- Far better.

- What is the bandwidth
on the wifi here?

We have much content to stream.

- Bam! Solid match.
Okay, I've got three words.

I've got an "and",
I've got an "an" and a "he".

Now, the "he" could be
a part of a "the"

or the end of "Apache."

I don't know why, but I'm
getting a strong "Apache" vibe.

Amy? Amy?

Amy, where'd you go?
- Down here.

I let the pile take me.

I don't know
what I was thinking.

We've been at it for two hours

and all we've got
is three words.

- Really two.
Terry's just fooling himself.

"Apache's"
a long shot at best.

- Ooh, are you guys
building a nap nest?

Mind if we burrow?
- No!

We're piecing together
shredded documents

to find Seamus Murphy.
- Can I help?

I'm really good
at jigsaw puzzles.

I do them all the time.

It's why my wrist muscles
are so defined.

- No offense, Scully,
but you can't be good or bad

at jigsaw puzzles.

It's just putting shapes
together.

There's no strategy
or reasoning, or logic...

- Look, I got half a page!

- He is the one.

- This is great.
There's nobody here.

Everyone cleared out
as soon as we got here.

Even that actual pervert
was creeped out by us.

I can feel your heat.

Ooh! No offense, but it feels
so good to breathe air

that didn't come
out of your mouth.

- None taken.
- Ooh, I know you're working,

but you should probably put

something on your screen
perverted

in case someone comes in

like a lady in high heels
stepping on a businessman.

- Sorry, yes,
I meant to do that.

I've just gotten so
wrapped up in my research.

I've been reading
the most thrilling footnote.

What was that?
- I don't know.

But don't worry...

I'll creep them
right the hell out of here.

Hello... who's
sneaking around back here?

- Bang, you're dead.
And so is Kevin.

- Oh, thank God,
it's just you.

Wait, no, this is bad
in a different way.

- What are you doing?

You brought my husband
to a public place?

- He's undercover.
We're perverts, see?

- You're not fooling anyone.

Kevin's zipper is up,
for God's sake.

- Wait, I'm confused... how did
you even know we were here?

Oh, my God, you sewed a tracker
into my neck, didn't you?

- Don't be stupid.

The trackers are in your shoes,
underwear, and wallet.

I also braided one
into your hair.

- In my tangle?

- You put my husband at risk,
and for what?

Because you felt
a little cooped up?

- That's not it.
- You could have

cost him his life.
- What life, Raymond?

I spend every day lying
on the floor of that house

talking with Jake
about popular culture.

Do you know what it means
to "clap back", Raymond?

Be-cause-I-do.

- Enough. We have to get back
to the safe house immediately.

Let's go. And if you're
gonna be a pervert, Kevin,

adjust yourself as you walk.

Move some quarters
around in your pocket.

- So I used to see
my boyfriend on Friday nights

after his wife
went to bed,

but then he left town
a couple of weeks ago.

You're all done here,
gorgeous.

- Ahhhh-ha-ha, I love it!

But finish
what you were saying.

Where'd your
boyfriend run off to?

- Oh, that's a story
for next time.

- Rosa, we're so close,
you can't leave.

- Tell her you want a perm.
I want a perm.

- A big ol' perm.

- Great idea.

- Go, go, go!

- Take a seat.

- I can't believe
someone took Raymond.

He had a gun, Jake.

- It'll be okay.
We're gonna get him back.

Let me just call
the nine-nine.

Hey, Rosa, do you guys

have any idea
where Seamus Murphy is?

We have a huge problem.

- Yeah, we all have
huge problems.

- You kinda look like Phil
Specter when he was on trial.

- Guys, focus up.
Have you found anything?

One of Murphy's guys
just took Holt.

- Oh, no. We did
get something from Nikki.

Apparently,
Seamus has been staying up

in Rhinebeck, New York.
- Rhinebeck?

Scully,
where's that piece of junk mail

with the Rhinebeck address?

- Scully, surface!
- Yes, Sarge?

- Rhinebeck letter.
- One sec.

8221 Oak Ridge Parkway.
- Copy that.

- All right, we're going
to commandeer a car,

and then we're going
to drive to Rhinebeck.

No one is going to hurt
your husband... this I swear.

Ow, owie, owie, owie,
it stings, ow!

Oh, ho, ho.
Follow me.

- Hello, Raymond.

- So Seamus,
are you going to kill me?

- No, don't be stupid,
nothing like that.

I'm just going
to find your husband,

bring him here, slit his throat
in front of you,

then, after you watch
him suffer, kill you too.

- There it is... 8221.
- All right, let's go.

- What? No, you're
not coming in.

It's way too dangerous
for a civilian.

You're driving back
to the safe house

and watching another
Nic Cage movie.

You still haven't seen
"Gone in 60 Seconds."

His character's name is
Memphis Raines. I'm so sorry.

- No, I'm not abandoning
my husband. I love him.

- Yeah, I love him too.
Everybody loves Raymond.

- Don't.
- I think that's pretty funny!

- No.
- It doesn't matter.

You got to go.

Get the hell out of here,
I got this.

Sir!

- Hey there.

- Where is Kevin?
- Don't worry, he's safe.

Look, Captain, I just
want to say that I'm sorry.

- You should be.

You should have abided
by my security rules.

- You're right.
But I want you to know,

I didn't take Kevin
to the library

because I was stir-crazy.

It was because I didn't want
you guys to get divorced.

- How is that
any concern of yours?

- I don't know, I just...

I've been around so many
failed marriages in my life.

You know,
first my mom and my dad,

then Charles and Eleanor,
Hitchcock and Brandi,

Hitchcock and Francine,
Hitchcock and Brandi again,

Hitchcock and Madison...
- Madison wasn't his daughter?

But he dropped her off
at college last fall.

- I know, it was really gross.
But the point is,

I just couldn't stand
to see you two fall apart.

- Perhaps I should have been
more understanding

of what Kevin
was going through.

I may die here tonight,

and his last memory of me will
be how miserable I made him.

- So, Peralta, what do
you have to say for yourself?

- The whole NYPD
knows where you are,

and they're coming
for you right now.

- Okay, thanks for the tip.

Let's kill them both, get out
of here before the cops come.

- Wait, no, no, no,
I was lying about the back-up.

I came alone...
Title of my sex tape.

- Doesn't matter.
You're both gonna die now.

- Better get some
corticosteroids

to treat that
laryngeal fracture.

Sorry, I couldn't bring myself
to call him a dirtbag.

- And why would you?
A dirtbag is a very useful part

of the vacuum cleaner.
Clearly, it's a compliment.

- Wow, you guys
are so perfect for each other.

Oh, my garsh!

It's all the same.
Nothing has changed.

Except for that.
- This perm saved your life.

- And I thank it
for its service.

Hello, Captain.
Hello, Kevin.

- So, here's an update
on Seamus.

Thanks to our little operation,

the FBI was able to roll up
his entire organization.

They're saying
it's going to be one of

the most significant RICO
prosecutions they've ever done.

- Amazing.
- It's over now.

He can't hurt me or Kevin.
Thank you, for titting my tat.

- Well, thank you
for tatting my tit.

And you know, in a weird way,

I'm going to miss
our little house.

- Yes, and in an
even weirder way,

I think I might
actually miss you.

- And in an even weirder way,
I want you guys to be my dads.

- That is weirder.
- Yeah, I got stuff.

- I brought you
your box of DVDs.

- Oh, thank you.

Oh! Forgot about this one.

We never watched
"Captain Corelli's Mandolin."

- What the hell
did you just say?

- "Captain Corelli's Mandolin"?
- Say that to my face.

- "Captain Corelli's Mandolin"?

- There was a movie
about a mandolin,

and you kept it from me
for two months?

- Well, I didn't think
it was any good.

It's just some period piece.
- What?

- Set in Greece.
- Oh, my God.

- Based on some dumb book.
Aah!

- Terribly sorry. It has
been a very trying time.

- Yeah, next thing, you're
going to say you'd wished

we had watched
"Leaving Las Vegas,"

a dark, ponderous
reflection on alcoholism

that earned Cage his Oscar.

- Aah!
- What?

I told you,
the guy's got range!

- Not a doctor. Shh.