All language subtitles for Brooklyn Nine-Nine - S05E10

And so concludes this
year's Secret Santa drawing.

Just a quick reminder of the rules:

$40 limit, no perishable items,

and no homemade
massage coupons, Hitchcock.

Fine, then everyone'll have
to pay full price for them.

Oh, Captain. I would
like a $40 gift card

to any restaurant that serves nachos.

- I don't have you, Peralta.
- Not only do I know

that you do indeed have me,
but I also know

- who everyone else has.
- That's not possible.

Perhaps not for an ordinary
man such as yourself, Jeffords.

But for the brilliant mind of
Detective Sherlock Peralta...

I legally changed my name...
it's quite simply...

elementary.

For, you see, Amy made a face

I only recognized from our bedroom,

which means that she has Captain Holt.

Charles has Terry. His eyes keep

- shifting over to him.
- No, I don't.

Terry looked disgusted,
which means he has Hitchcock.

Rosa didn't draw a name,
nor did she put one in.

- She doesn't wanna participate.
- Never do.

Hitchcock moves his mouth when he reads

and he quite clearly said Charles.

- I did get Charles.
- Scully has Amy.

He's hold his paper name-side out.

- Oh, he's good.
- And I have Scully,

which means Captain Holt has me.

I'll be taking that gift card.
Daddy loves nachos.

Should we draw the names
again and leave Jake out?

ALL: Yeah!

No! Sherlock wants a present!

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

♪ ♪

Sync & corrections by emeline-whovian
www.addic7ed.com

Okay, quick update on the
Warren Street break-in.

Security cameras caught a picture

of the suspect and guess what?

That's right. We got a hot perp alert.

- [IMITATES AIR HORN]
- ALL: Ooh!

- That's a handsome man.
- Mm, I'd like to

- bring that guy to justice.
- We all would.

But unfortunately, police cornered him

and he shot himself in the face.

- [BLOWS RASPBERRY]
- All right. Thank you for that

shockingly dark update.

- Anything else?
- Uh, yes.

Something I'd like to say.

I'm a pretty private person
so this is kinda hard for me, but...

here we go.

I'm bi-sexual. All right.

I will now field one minute
and zero seconds

of questions pertaining to this.

- Go. Amy.
- How long have you known?

Since seventh grade. I was
watching "Saved by the Bell"

and I thought, Zack Morris is hot.

And then I thought
Lisa Turtle, also hot.

The fact that the words
Kelly and Kapowski

didn't just come out of
your mouth is lunacy.

What made you decided to tell us now?

Charles found out on the road trip

and I was positive he was not

gonna be able to keep
the secret for much longer.

Bye Rosa.

I mean, not "bi," but bye!

I mean, see ya!

I mean, have fun only
having sex with men.

Just bangin' dudes, left and right.

I just stopped saying bye all together.

So are you seeing anyone now?

- Yeah. Her name's Tiffany.
- Are you lying about her name

- so we won't look her up?
- Yes, I am. Next.

- Do you know Anne Heche?
- I do.

- Ohh.
- I must say, this is going

considerably better than when
I came out to my colleagues.

They were not, as the kids say, awake.

- Do you mean woke?
- I did mean woke.

But it's grammatically incoherent.

Okay, we have time
for one more question.

- Oh! Ooh, ooh, ooh!
- Nope. Absolutely not. We're done.

Smart. It was not tasteful.

Is anyone else having trouble
with the Internet?

I've been trying to file
a warrant request

for 45 minutes and the stupid
server keeps timing out.

Nothing's loading. It's all pinwheels.

This all started when Cyber
Crimes moved in downstairs.

I bet those jerks
are hogging our bandwidth.

Man, I miss the Sex Crimes Unit.

I know! They were so fun.

Remember their Christmas Party?

- [LAUGHS]
- Okay, Sergeant Jeffords and I

will talk to Cyber.

Tell them I can't get on WebMD.

My nipple tripled in size
and I wanna know

- if it's good or bad.
- Can't believe that's good.

Hey. Was that weird earlier?

You mean when Charles showed
us those pictures of Nikolaj

taking a very sudsless bath?

Yes, it was uncomfortable.

No, I mean when I told
everyone I was bi.

- Was it too touchy-feely?
- Rosa, no. It was great.

And don't worry, just because
you opened up a little bit

doesn't mean everyone's
gonna be less afraid of you.

- We're all still terrified.
- Thanks, Jake.

- So how'd your parents take it?
- Uhh...

- I haven't told 'em yet.
- Really?

I mean, of course, you don't
have to but I just thought

you guys were getting closer
since prison.

No, I mean, we are. It's just,

I don't know how I would
say something like that.

Especially to my dad.
He's super traditional.

I'm afraid this would
just mess everything up.

We've been having so much fun lately.

♪ ♪

- I don't wanna lose that.
- Okay.

Maybe just be honest with them. Right?

Tell 'em how you feel.
Like, you could say,

Mom, Dad, I'm bisexual.

But I'm still your daughter.

I'm still the same person
that I've always been.

And who I love will never change that.

And you guys raised me to
be strong and confident.

And I don't wanna hide who I am anymore.

I am bi.

Damn. That was...

And I know that this may come
as a shock to you,

but it's my truth.

So I hope you can accept that.

- Jake...
- Maybe you still see me

as your little girl, but I'm woman now.

And I know my own heart.

- You done?
- Yeah.

Wow, that felt amazing.
I really disappeared into it.

- Should I become an actor?
- Absolutely not.

- Copy that. All right. Good luck.
- Thanks.

- [BELL DINGS]
- ♪
♪

Look, that guy's watching a video.

No buffering.

They got all the bars, Captain.
All the bars!

Keep it together, Jeffords.

Oh. You must be Raymond Holt.

Whoa. No. Germs.

We just wanted to ask
about the Internet.

Ever since you guys arrived,
things have gotten

- slow for us upstairs.
- We're the Cyber Crimes Unit.

Kinda need the bandwidth.

Do you guys even use
the Internet upstairs?

I thought you just write
down your hunches

in your notebooks with
your pens and paper.

I'll have you know you're
speaking to your Captain.

Well, I'll have you know
that we don't report to you.

We report to the Commissioner's
office. Ever heard of them?

I don't care who you report to,
this is what you're gonna do.

You're gonna, um...

- put the wires...
- Right.

Um...

- Terry.
- Uh... into the things.

And... and beef up the speeds. Got it?

We want beefy speeds!

Long story short, we remain un-beefed.

Unfortunately, we're out of options.

- They're just not scared of us.
- Right.

But there is one person
who scares everyone.

Hey! Captain Holt, Terry, Charles,

I wanna say... Alan?

Close. It's Amy.

This is nice. I can't believe

- you're buying me dinner.
- Oh, well, you really

- helped me today.
- Did I?

I felt like I sorta straight-splained

how to come out to you.

No, it was good practice.

I think I'm ready to tell my parents.

That's awesome.
When are you gonna do it?

- In five minutes.
- What?

Actually, scratch that, they're here.

This is happening and I need
you to be here with me

and also just step in and do it for me.

Rosa, I think that's a very bad idea.

And frankly, I'm not very comfortable...

Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Diaz!

America's favorite couple!

I didn't know Jake was joining us.

Neither did I. What a fun
surprise that none of us

were remotely prepared for, Rosa, right?

- You seem nervous. Why?
- Uhh...

global warming.

What a bitch, right?

[LAUGHS] We all gon' drown.

Anyways, I'm gonna head to the bathroom

for the duration of one conversation.

No!

Uh, guys, I have something
I need to tell you.

- What is it, honey?
- Uhh, Jake, you take it.

Seriously? Me? Oh, man,

now I really do have
to go to the bathroom.

What, you didn't before? You lied?

You know, Oscar, most people
just ignore my nervous rambling.

Maybe shift focus back to Rosa.

Don't worry.

- We know what's happening.
- You do?

Of course.

You and Jake are dating.

That's why you were nervous.

'Cause you know I never liked him.

What? Okay, first of all, that's insane.

We've only met once
and we totally hit it off.

We talked about soccer,
I called it fútbol.

Oh, I see what happened. But secondly,

- Rosa and I are not...
- Denying that we're dating.

Uh, you're right. We're a couple.

I love you, honey bun.

Uhh!

We need your help, Gina.

Gina, ugh, I haven't heard
that name in a long time.

- It's on your jacket.
- I know,

but no one says it out loud
and my baby can't read.

Which, I'm told is normal
for a ten-week-old, so...

- How's little Enigma doing?
- We call her Iggy now,

but you're gonna wanna keep it down

because she's trying to
take a nap, okay, Amy?

Oh, sure, I just feel like I
was matching the same volume

- that you were speaking at.
- Amy, keep it down.

Yes, yes, babies are adorable.

They're like we are but so much smaller.

So we're here because
we're having an issue

with the new Cyber Unit

that has moved into the second floor.

What happened to Sex Crimes?

They were so nice.

Remember their Christmas party?

- Oh, so good.
- [ALL IN AGREEMENT]

- Ohh.
- But now Cyber's

hogging our Internet
and we can't get them to stop.

But you can intimidate anyone
into doing what you want.

No, sorry, I can't.

That's precinct business and, well,

I've left that life behind.

But your maternity leave
is over in two weeks.

Amy, volume, okay?

Volume!

♪ ♪

Hey, wait up.

Why'd you leave the table?

If we go to the bathroom
at the same time,

they're gonna think we're hooking up
since apparently we're dating now.

I'm sorry I said that. I thought I was

ready to do this, but I am not.

- I'm not gonna do it tonight, okay?
- Yes, of course.

Look, I support you no matter what.

Just do whatever feels right.

Can we just pretend
to be a couple for tonight?

And then I'll tell them in a
few weeks that we broke up.

Fine. But I have one rule.

- Hands off my butt.
- That's not gonna

- be a problem.
- Well, you say that now

but you're about to enter the Jake
Peralta boyfriend experience.

It can be quite intoxicating.

Hm. Also, you sat on a meatball.

Did I? Oh, man, these
are my Friday jeans.

Anyways, I'm gonna snap off a wiz

and I'll meet you back at the table.
Let's do this.

Guys, without Gina, we'll never be able

to bend Cyber to our will.

So we need to change tactics.

We need to woo them

with the international
language of friendship.

- Pork.
- Ohh.

Ooh! I'll take it to them.

It's all dudes down there
and I'm not above

using a little flirtation
to get what I want.

- Was that a wink?
- You tell me.

I honestly don't know,
but you're all we got.

[BELL DINGS]

♪ ♪

Hello, boys.

Oh, wait, wait... I
winked my contact out.

No, no, no. It's still there.

- Oh, God it's behind my eye!
- Fall back, Amy.

- Ohh...
- I got it, I got it.

Look, we got off
on the wrong foot this morning.

And I was hoping we could start fresh.

So we got you this.

[CHUCKLES]

Mmm. Decent.

Great, now that you've
accepted our meat pile,

perhaps you'll help us
restore our internet.

Sure. I can definitely help with that.

- Mm.
- How many KBPSs are you looking for?

- Many.
- Yeah, that's not an answer.

I need an exact number.

- 100.
- [CHUCKLES]

Too few? Too many?

- Four.
- Okay, bro, I'll give you

four kilobytes of Internet. [LAUGHTER]

You're making a fool of yourself.

- [ELECTRICITY POWERS DOWN]
- No! You're the fool!

- [GASPS]
- Hey, little man.

- Why so teeny?
- I'm not teeny.

- I'm average size.
- [LAUGHS] What a sad brag.

I don't even know who you are.

But I know who you are, Devin.

You tell everyone
you got a degree from Stanford

but you really went to Stamforb,

an online college based in Arkansas.

- [LAUGHTER]
- It's a good school.

You live with your aunt. That's sad.

And you spend a third of
your salary on tropical fish

and aquaria. [LAUGHTER]

You know, I found all this off of, hm,

20 minutes of idle snoopin' around.

Imagine what I could do with a
dedicated couple of hours.

- What do you want?
- I want you to give

the Internet back to my friends.

Mm-kay? Or I'll keep diggin' and diggin'

and diggin' and diggin'.

Fine! I'll give you back
your Internet, okay?

- Just... we're through.
- Oh!

And maybe your co-workers
would like to know

what happened on your 7th grade
field trip to D.C.

- You monster.
- He pooped in the Reflecting Pool.

[ALL EXCLAIMING]

So how did you two finally get together

after all these years?

Oh, uh, you know,

I've just been crazy about her forever

and then one day I picked up
my battered old guitar

and I sang her a song.

Ohh!

- How did it go?
- Oh, you don't wanna hear it.

- Yeah.
- Yes, I do!

Well, I don't have my guitar here.

- Sing the song.
- ♪ Rosa, Rosa, Rosa, Rosa ♪

♪ Rosa, Rosa, Rosa, Rosa,
Diaz, Diaz, Diaz, Diaz ♪

♪ Diaz, Diaz, Diaz, Diaz ♪

♪ Rosa Diaz, Rosa Diaz ♪

♪ Diaz Rosa, Riza Diaz ♪

♪ Diaz, you are so cool ♪

Sounds better with a guitar.

- [PHONE RINGING]
- Oh! [CHUCKLES]

- Just put that away.
- What was that in the picture?

- Just my mom.
- Kinda looked like

- your co-worker Amy.
- Jake and Amy are friends.

- It's not weird.
- He had his arm around her

and she was showing off a ring.

Wow, you got a really
good look at that picture, huh?

What's going on?

Jake and Amy are engaged.

[SIGHS]

- That's okay.
- What?

We understand. Love is complicated.

Wait, why would you be okay with that?

Mijita, when you called this dinner,

you were so nervous, we were worried

you were gonna tell us you were gay.

So you would rather me be

some dude's mistress than be in

a loving relationship with a woman?

Well, Jake and I aren't dating.

But guess what?

Your worst fears are real.

I'm not straight. I'm bisexual.

And I don't care what
you think about it.

Screw this. I'm outta here.

I'm also gonna go.
Are you guys on Venmo?

You know what?
We'll figure it out later.

This isn't the right time. All right.

♪ ♪

Hey, so, I ran after you last night,

- but I lost you in the subway.
- I took a cab home.

Really? Well, then, I definitely
terrified some random lady.

Hey, look, I'm sorry things didn't go

how you wanted with your parents.

- It was fine.
- Rosa, you don't

- have to say that.
- No, it really did go fine.

They texted me last night.

"Don't worry about dinner.
See you at game night."

Nice. But very surprising.

It's great. I told them I'm bi,

and they still invited me to game night.

They're clearly okay with it.

Well, I'm just glad it worked out.

- Enjoy game night.
- Actually, they want

you to come to make up for

- how awkward dinner was.
- Oh, fantastic.

I'm still involved.

Well, I'm sure your dad
is a super chill guy

- to play against.
- [LAUGHS] He is not.

Well, then, let's hope I'm on his team.

- That is worse.
- Cool. So no good options.

Super stoked about this invite.

- Here we go.
- [CLICKS]

It's loading!

We got Internet!

All right, I guess my work
here is done, guys,

How can we ever thank you?

I'll tell you how.

Use this precious Internet.

Use it every day.

Keep multiple tabs open,

stream videos in HD,

leave comments on
everything you can find.

Most importantly,

make your avatars GIFs.

I was thinking more like a pizza party

when you come back in two weeks.

Oh, yeah. So here's the thing:

- I'm not coming back.
- What?

- Seriously?
- Yeah, listen,

I have a daughter now
and when she grows up

I wanna be doing something
that makes her proud.

So I'm starting my own company.

- Ooh! What is it?
- I'm running a sports league

for other people's pets.

- Ohh.
- Well, Gina,

as your colleague, best friend,
brother and ex-lover...

- Ugh.
- I fully support your dreams,

but do you really wanna leave?

My mind is made up. And so...

this is Gina Linetti's last grand exit

from the Nine-Nine.

♪ I will remember you ♪

Where's that coming from?

- She's gone.
- Do you think

that's the last time we'll ever see her?

[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]

Bye, Gina.

♪ ♪

I don't know what that is.

That could literally be anything.

Maybe try guessing.

Rule violation!

You're not supposed to speak.

There's our turn, once again.

Oh, well, do you want me to tell you

what I was drawing just for fun?

We're not playing just for fun.

Mm-kay, well, don't let
my desire to have fun

ruin what seems to be
a very nice night so far.

- Right, Rosa?
- Yeah, right.

So your mother and I talked

about what you told us last night.

We don't need to talk
about that right now.

We want you to know we're not upset.

Great. I'm not upset either.

Because no matter
what you call yourself,

you still like men.

So you can still get married

- and have a child.
- I can do those things

with either a man or a woman.

Yes, but it will be a man

because this is just a phase.

Okay, that's settled. Ladies up.

[MELANCHOLY MUSIC]

♪ ♪

So, since you're not coming back,

we wanted to bring you all your stuff.

It's a lot of gum and what seem to be

blackmail files you've been
keeping on all of us?

I'm not a blackmailer.

If you tell anyone I am,
I will release your secrets.

Look, we know you want
your daughter to be proud

of the work that you do.

I just hope you know how important
you've been to the Nine-Nine.

Yeah, just today, I was able to
pull a warrant and arrest the guy

I've been tracking for three months

because you got the internet back.

You're indispensible

and we're really gonna miss you.

And I loved the Nine-Nine, you guys.

It just feels like it's time for me

to, like, build something of my own.

Like my entrepreneurial idols,

Oprah Winfrey, Lex Luthor...

The Superman villain?

He built an empire, didn't he?

- Yeah.
- Well, we wish you luck.

And it's not gonna
be the same without you.

Mm, thanks for saying that, and...

I don't know, uh...

You know what?

You can have your blackmail files back.

I don't want 'em anymore.

Gina, these are just photos of me

- in my everyday clothes.
- [CHUCKLES]

- I know. It's painful, right?
- All right.

- Your turn, mija.
- Right.

[EXHALES]

Uhh, a woman.

Uhh, uh, lady.

Uhh, women. Two women.

Holding hands, uh, friends.

Ohh, mm, uhh... sisters!

Ooh! Business partners.

Uh, um, ooh, oh, oh,

co-owners of a chocolate shop!

Oh, love. Love... what do women love?

The... George Clooney!

It's a wedding!

They're brides. They're in love.

Mom, Dad, I know you don't
wanna talk about this

but I do.

I might get married to a man...

like you so clearly want...

and I might not.

'Cause this is not a phase.

And I need you to understand that.

- I'm bisexual.
- There's no such thing

as being bisexual.

Yes, there is.

I know there is because that's who I am.

I'm attracted to both men and women.

I've known this about myself
for a really long time,

and I didn't wanna tell you
because I was afraid

you were gonna react
exactly like you are.

What do you want us to say?

That you accept me for who I am.

Wow.

Okay, let's go.

Hey. Got you coffee.

I don't drink coffee. Just herbal tea.

Oh. That's cool.

It only cost me, like, 18 bucks.
Brooklyn is a nightmare.

Hey, man, thanks for
being there last night.

Of course.

Sorry again about how it all went down.

Well, I'm glad I opened up to them,

even if it didn't change their minds.

I finally said what I wanted to say.

- It felt right.
- Yeah.

Still sucks, though.

Still sucks.

That's weird. My dad's here.

Hey, do you mind staying out here

- with me to talk to him?
- Um, yes, of course.

- Whatever you need.
- [LAUGHS]

Your face. No, man, you've done enough.

- Get out of here.
- Oh, thank God.

Good luck.

Hello.

What are you doing here?

I wanted to say I'm sorry.

I reacted poorly last night.

- This is all new to me.
- I know.

But it's also not new, you know.

I'm still the same person I always was.

Well, I don't feel I know that person.

- Dad...
- My fault, not yours.

I want you to be able
to tell me everything.

I can't promise you I'll understand.

But I'm trying. I want you to know

that I accept you for who you are.

And I love you very, very much.

I love you, too.

So have you been
on any dates with women, yet?

Dad, we didn't talk about
my dating life before,

we don't need to talk about it now.

Yeah, good, good. You're right. [LAUGHS]

So where's Mom?

Mm... Mom needs a little more time.

Oof.

I guess family game night's
gonna be kinda weird.

You know what, mijita, maybe we better

put game night on hold
for a little while.

- Okay.
- I'm gonna let you

get back to work, okay?

♪ ♪

I expect certain things
from my assistant.

Black ink only. No blue.
I'm not a street artist.

Also, if you must knock on my door,

limit yourself to two raps.

If I wanted to hear inane pounding,

- I could go see "Stomp."
- He could go see "Stomp."

- Gina.
- Who's this noob?

We had to hire someone
to replace you, Gina,

- because you quit.
- Well, fire him.

'Cause I'm back, baby!

- Really?
- What changed your mind?

Was is the speech that Charles
and I gave you?

[CHUCKLES] No. Captain Holt said

he'd give me a 5% raise if I came back

and he's letting me sit at my desk

and work on my side business
one day a week.

We never had that conversation.

We just did, baby.

See ya, man bangs.

Come, Brent, let's get you down to HR

before that start
paperwork goes through.

- Welcome back, Linetti.
- Thanks, man.

Ugh!

All right, look, Gina, come on.

It's just us now. Admit it.

Amy and I changed your mind.

All right, it was you guys.

I actually even cried a little bit

after you left my apartment.

- Aw.
- Oh! I made Gina Linetti cry?

Hey, calm down.
I had a baby ten weeks ago.

I cried to a carpet cleaner
commercial yesterday.

Gina! Welcome back.

It's great to see you.
Hey, what's everybody

- doing tonight?
- Nothin'. Why?

There's something we all need to do.

[KNOCK AT DOOR]

- What's going on?
- Family game night!

Don't worry, I brought "Twister."

- Hey.
- Hey, Rosa.

- Hey, Rosa. Beer.
- Here goes the snacks.

Ehh, you know, in another lifetime,

you and I would've made
a hot ass couple.

Agreed.

Diaz, you should be
very proud of yourself.

I know things aren't exactly
where you wanna be right now,

but, uh, I promise you
they will improve.

- Thank you, Captain.
- Every time

someone steps up and says who they are,

the world becomes a better,
more interesting place.

So...

thank you.

Hey, do you seriously
only have two wine glasses?

- Yeah. I live alone.
- Well, you're gonna need

to get some more, 'cause
there's a lot of us here.

Thank you for doing this, man.

Of course. We'll be here every week.

Rosa, I broke both your wine
glasses and your fridge door

and your bathroom.

Every single week!