Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,570 --> 00:00:04,503
- Don't be scared.
- Okay.
2
00:00:06,566 --> 00:00:08,007
I have an appointment.
3
00:00:09,034 --> 00:00:11,326
Girls, a bra that fits
4
00:00:11,337 --> 00:00:13,477
is the single greatest gift
5
00:00:13,488 --> 00:00:15,314
that one woman can give another.
6
00:00:15,316 --> 00:00:17,020
And if I see either of you two girls
7
00:00:17,031 --> 00:00:20,204
wearing one of those napkins
by Victoria's Secrets,
8
00:00:20,215 --> 00:00:22,421
I will personally come and murder you.
9
00:00:22,423 --> 00:00:27,311
- Booba!
- Hey!
10
00:00:27,322 --> 00:00:30,333
Look what I brought you...
fresh virgin breast meat.
11
00:00:31,555 --> 00:00:34,022
I think I know that I'm a 32C, so...
12
00:00:36,309 --> 00:00:38,337
You have no idea what you are!
13
00:00:38,339 --> 00:00:42,180
Ah, yes, classic baumgarten
shape on these.
14
00:00:42,191 --> 00:00:45,341
Uh-huh. Same inverted
nipple on the right breast?
15
00:00:45,352 --> 00:00:47,967
Of course! She's my little girl.
16
00:00:47,978 --> 00:00:50,945
So let's get started.
Bring out the measuring rod!
17
00:00:51,452 --> 00:00:54,620
Okay!
18
00:00:57,708 --> 00:00:59,892
You have a lump.
19
00:00:59,894 --> 00:01:01,360
It is benign.
20
00:01:01,371 --> 00:01:04,121
Okay, I have to take two bras
21
00:01:04,132 --> 00:01:08,171
and sew together because your
breasts are very different sizes.
22
00:01:08,182 --> 00:01:11,483
Almost as if they were unrelated, hm?
23
00:01:12,712 --> 00:01:16,448
You're are... 28KKK.
24
00:01:16,459 --> 00:01:18,659
- Oof.
- Just call it an L.
25
00:01:20,481 --> 00:01:22,747
Yes!
26
00:01:23,818 --> 00:01:26,472
I feel like I'm not gonna be
able to fit my shirt over this.
27
00:01:26,483 --> 00:01:29,179
Did you insert a back brace
without telling me?
28
00:01:29,190 --> 00:01:31,682
They are absolute perfection.
29
00:01:31,693 --> 00:01:35,917
- Now, what's the damage?
- Two bras comes to $533.
30
00:01:35,928 --> 00:01:37,462
- Holy... expensive.
- (BLEEP) you.
31
00:01:37,473 --> 00:01:38,952
Well, you talk about price-per-wear,
32
00:01:38,963 --> 00:01:40,596
we're talking nickels, okay?
33
00:01:40,607 --> 00:01:43,249
- Let's ring it up. I'm sorry, ladies.
- Okay.
34
00:01:43,267 --> 00:01:45,301
It's wonderful work. Wonderful.
35
00:01:45,312 --> 00:01:47,419
I kind of like mine.
36
00:01:52,695 --> 00:01:55,072
- Synced and corrected by Shazi89 -
- www.addic7ed.com -
37
00:01:57,385 --> 00:01:58,412
How'd you sleep?
38
00:01:58,423 --> 00:01:59,542
Not well.
39
00:01:59,553 --> 00:02:01,720
You snore like a demon.
40
00:02:01,731 --> 00:02:02,863
No, I don't!
41
00:02:02,874 --> 00:02:04,344
- Yeah, you do.
- ?No.
42
00:02:04,355 --> 00:02:06,488
Yes, you do. Look at this.
43
00:02:06,499 --> 00:02:07,884
You filmed it?
44
00:02:11,052 --> 00:02:13,821
- Look at that.
- I sound ill.
45
00:02:13,839 --> 00:02:15,208
Yeah, it was very scary,
46
00:02:15,219 --> 00:02:17,185
but then after a while,
it was kind of cute.
47
00:02:17,196 --> 00:02:19,163
- That's cute.
- ?Come here.
48
00:02:19,174 --> 00:02:21,274
Thank you! That's so cute!
49
00:02:24,579 --> 00:02:26,538
Oh, I have been waiting to replace this,
50
00:02:26,549 --> 00:02:27,923
put in ?an energy-efficient bulb,
51
00:02:27,934 --> 00:02:29,689
but I had to wait
till it was for-real dead,
52
00:02:29,700 --> 00:02:31,817
'cause if I threw it out
while it was perfectly good,
53
00:02:31,828 --> 00:02:34,260
- that would be so wasteful, you know?
- My eco-warrior princess...
54
00:02:34,271 --> 00:02:37,026
energy-efficient bulbs, not showering.
55
00:02:37,037 --> 00:02:38,403
I'm loving that lady musk.
56
00:02:38,414 --> 00:02:39,913
I just showered.
57
00:02:39,985 --> 00:02:42,015
You're mean.
58
00:02:46,467 --> 00:02:47,566
- Wow.
- Get it.
59
00:02:47,568 --> 00:02:48,851
Oh, my God.
60
00:02:48,862 --> 00:02:51,213
Do you know what this is?
61
00:02:51,849 --> 00:02:54,052
- No.
- It's a Fruit by the Foot wrapper.
62
00:02:54,063 --> 00:02:55,182
Okay.
63
00:02:55,185 --> 00:02:56,927
Good... gaga.
64
00:02:56,938 --> 00:02:58,671
I can't believe this day.
65
00:02:59,113 --> 00:03:02,500
Once upon a time long ago,
didn't know ya,
66
00:03:02,511 --> 00:03:05,063
I was hard-core hooking up
with this very hot,
67
00:03:05,074 --> 00:03:07,508
very old dot-com douche named Brad.
68
00:03:07,519 --> 00:03:09,110
TMI, right? Hate him, loathe him,
69
00:03:09,112 --> 00:03:10,745
- grossed out by him now, you know?
- Yeah.
70
00:03:10,747 --> 00:03:12,347
Thank you for that.
71
00:03:12,349 --> 00:03:14,091
But I gave him
?this Waka Flocka Flame ticket,
72
00:03:14,102 --> 00:03:16,677
and in order to pay me back,
he gave me a third of Bitcoin.
73
00:03:16,688 --> 00:03:18,353
And this ?Fruit by the Foot wrapper,
74
00:03:18,355 --> 00:03:19,687
gnarly as it may be,
75
00:03:19,689 --> 00:03:22,490
is my ticket ?to that third of Bitcoin.
76
00:03:22,492 --> 00:03:26,828
This is the, like, key,
and the password is...
77
00:03:26,830 --> 00:03:29,030
"Brad has it."
78
00:03:29,032 --> 00:03:30,331
No.
79
00:03:30,333 --> 00:03:32,166
Brad has the... Brad has the password.
80
00:03:32,168 --> 00:03:33,634
Shit.
81
00:03:48,551 --> 00:03:49,817
Hey, dude.
82
00:03:49,819 --> 00:03:51,085
Baby, listen up.
83
00:03:51,087 --> 00:03:52,720
I just found the info for my Bitcoin,
84
00:03:52,722 --> 00:03:55,056
which reminded me, I have a Bitcoin.
85
00:03:55,058 --> 00:03:56,824
Wow, so what are you gonna do?
86
00:03:56,826 --> 00:03:58,486
Like, pay off your student loans
or something?
87
00:03:58,497 --> 00:03:59,694
Sha! Don't think so, Abb.
88
00:03:59,696 --> 00:04:01,863
This Bitcoin money is not
for loans or debt,
89
00:04:01,865 --> 00:04:04,499
not rent nor weed or healthcare
or any other stupid thing.
90
00:04:04,501 --> 00:04:06,033
This money is to get my wiz-ness...
91
00:04:06,035 --> 00:04:07,869
woman-owned business... up and running.
92
00:04:07,871 --> 00:04:10,018
Oh, you mean Phone Wigs?
I'm using mine right now.
93
00:04:10,029 --> 00:04:11,205
?Yeah!
94
00:04:11,207 --> 00:04:12,540
I'm gonna submit a patent
95
00:04:12,542 --> 00:04:14,375
as soon as a cash out
my third of a Bitcoin.
96
00:04:14,377 --> 00:04:15,676
Want to come with?
97
00:04:15,678 --> 00:04:17,745
Um, I'd love to, but it's my, uh...
98
00:04:17,747 --> 00:04:20,348
it's my day off, uh,
and so it's laundry day,
99
00:04:20,350 --> 00:04:21,900
and it looks like
?I got to clean the washer,
100
00:04:21,911 --> 00:04:23,184
- and...
- No, no!
101
00:04:23,186 --> 00:04:25,186
Are you in that dank dungeon
that they literally
102
00:04:25,188 --> 00:04:26,721
illegally claim to be a laundry room?
103
00:04:26,723 --> 00:04:28,589
You have a job. Drop that shit off.
104
00:04:28,591 --> 00:04:32,026
It just feels so extravagant
to drop off laundry.
105
00:04:32,028 --> 00:04:34,162
We're businesswomen, Abb. Time is money.
106
00:04:34,164 --> 00:04:36,431
I mean, I guess it would be really dope
107
00:04:36,433 --> 00:04:38,733
to have some creative and personal time.
108
00:04:39,702 --> 00:04:41,202
Okay.
109
00:04:41,204 --> 00:04:42,537
- Yay!
- ?Yay!
110
00:04:42,539 --> 00:04:43,838
Wiz-ness!
111
00:05:02,058 --> 00:05:04,392
Hello.
112
00:05:04,394 --> 00:05:06,727
I'd like to drop this stuff off
for fluff and fold,
113
00:05:06,729 --> 00:05:08,796
and I'm gonna use that time
to enrich my life.
114
00:05:08,798 --> 00:05:10,965
- Okay.
- ?Great.
115
00:05:10,967 --> 00:05:13,968
Oh, you know what? I'm gonna
put this in there, too.
116
00:05:13,970 --> 00:05:15,503
Thank you.
117
00:05:15,505 --> 00:05:17,438
I'm doing it.
118
00:05:18,741 --> 00:05:20,408
So, it's Abbi with an "I."
119
00:05:20,410 --> 00:05:21,642
Ibbi.
120
00:05:21,644 --> 00:05:23,177
Uh, no, ?it's actually just Abbi.
121
00:05:23,179 --> 00:05:24,946
I like that less.
122
00:05:26,449 --> 00:05:28,118
You can pick it up in an hour.
123
00:05:28,121 --> 00:05:31,118
Wow, an hour. That's fabulous. Cool.
124
00:05:34,958 --> 00:05:37,859
So, they call it cryptocurrency
'cause it's so damn cryptic.
125
00:05:37,861 --> 00:05:39,126
Nobody really gets it.
126
00:05:40,129 --> 00:05:41,662
Wait, where are you going?
127
00:05:41,664 --> 00:05:43,364
I'm stepping out to give you privacy.
128
00:05:43,366 --> 00:05:45,833
Stay. I-I feel like we have a good vibe.
129
00:05:45,835 --> 00:05:47,969
- Oh, okay, all right.
- Okay, great.
130
00:05:47,971 --> 00:05:49,670
Thank you. So...
131
00:05:52,642 --> 00:05:53,930
You know what I mean?
132
00:05:53,941 --> 00:05:57,111
It's like all my favorite memories
in one place. Ugh, Dongs.
133
00:05:57,113 --> 00:05:58,946
Okay, so, I got to get this burner phone
134
00:05:58,948 --> 00:06:01,707
'cause I used to hook up with this
hot, rich, older, douchey dude
135
00:06:01,718 --> 00:06:04,332
who's now a Bitcoin broker, and
his info is on one of these.
136
00:06:04,343 --> 00:06:06,311
Well, his dick pic is,
137
00:06:06,322 --> 00:06:08,022
so if I find the dick,
I find his number.
138
00:06:08,024 --> 00:06:10,024
Ah, here it is.
139
00:06:10,026 --> 00:06:11,926
Oh, my God, look.
140
00:06:11,928 --> 00:06:13,528
- Do you want to see his dick?
- ?No.
141
00:06:13,530 --> 00:06:15,530
- Do you want to see my Phone Wigs?
- No, no.
142
00:06:15,532 --> 00:06:18,933
Anyway, so, I found the Bitcoin code
in a ceiling lamp of all places.
143
00:06:47,764 --> 00:06:50,464
Hi. It's me again.
144
00:06:50,466 --> 00:06:51,899
Here you go.
145
00:06:51,901 --> 00:06:54,035
I'm getting a lot done.
146
00:06:54,037 --> 00:06:56,837
A lot of work stuff, you know.
I'm really productive.
147
00:06:56,839 --> 00:06:58,272
Wow, this is it, huh?
148
00:06:58,274 --> 00:06:59,840
I'm just gonna check it out.
149
00:06:59,842 --> 00:07:02,043
Why not, right?
?Check out your handiwork.
150
00:07:02,045 --> 00:07:04,145
Oh, my goodness.
151
00:07:04,147 --> 00:07:06,047
You got this grease stain out.
152
00:07:06,049 --> 00:07:07,415
I sat on a funnel cake.
153
00:07:07,417 --> 00:07:08,983
Such a waste.
154
00:07:08,985 --> 00:07:11,586
Let's see if that hoodie string
stayed in the hole, right?
155
00:07:11,588 --> 00:07:12,687
That's the trickiest part.
156
00:07:12,689 --> 00:07:14,855
Okay, I just don't see my...
157
00:07:14,857 --> 00:07:16,357
All right, uh, I'm sorry.
158
00:07:16,359 --> 00:07:19,360
T-The sweatshirt's not in the bag.
159
00:07:19,362 --> 00:07:21,696
It's... Okay, I'll show you
a picture of the sweatshirt.
160
00:07:21,698 --> 00:07:23,364
Okay, this is my favorite sweatshirt.
161
00:07:23,366 --> 00:07:24,774
It's this sweatshirt.
162
00:07:24,785 --> 00:07:27,253
Do you have an itemized list
of what was washed?
163
00:07:27,264 --> 00:07:28,284
No list.
164
00:07:28,295 --> 00:07:29,770
We throw all the clothes for the day
165
00:07:29,772 --> 00:07:31,354
in a bucket ?with everyone else's stuff,
166
00:07:31,365 --> 00:07:33,107
and then we sort them out by memory.
167
00:07:33,109 --> 00:07:35,543
I'm sorry. We're not responsible.
168
00:07:35,545 --> 00:07:38,479
Wait, what? Y-You can't
just lose people's stuff
169
00:07:38,481 --> 00:07:40,514
and then claim no responsibility.
170
00:07:41,488 --> 00:07:42,932
_
171
00:07:42,943 --> 00:07:45,235
Well, I did not see that.
172
00:07:45,246 --> 00:07:47,179
This is easy to miss.
173
00:07:47,724 --> 00:07:49,523
How did I miss that?
174
00:07:49,525 --> 00:07:52,393
Okay, what happens when
someone's clothes go missing?
175
00:07:52,395 --> 00:07:53,926
They never see them again.
176
00:07:53,937 --> 00:07:56,369
Okay, okay, it probably got
put in the wrong bag, right?
177
00:07:56,380 --> 00:07:59,072
What if you showed me a list of your
other clients that came in today?
178
00:07:59,083 --> 00:08:00,968
- I could call them all myself.
- I cannot do that.
179
00:08:00,970 --> 00:08:02,403
We have patient/client privilege.
180
00:08:24,523 --> 00:08:26,139
Hey, uh, excuse me, sir.
181
00:08:26,150 --> 00:08:28,584
Um, have you seen this sweatshirt?
182
00:08:28,595 --> 00:08:29,794
Okay, that's fine.
183
00:08:29,970 --> 00:08:31,996
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Yes!
184
00:08:32,007 --> 00:08:33,714
Ow! What the hell?
185
00:08:33,725 --> 00:08:36,700
Oh, no, no, no. I-I'm so sorry. I'm
looking for my favorite sweatshirt.
186
00:08:36,711 --> 00:08:39,545
The laundromat just lost it.
I-It's very important to me.
187
00:08:39,547 --> 00:08:41,847
I lost my virginity in it. You get it.
188
00:08:41,849 --> 00:08:43,633
In it?
189
00:08:44,652 --> 00:08:46,211
Well, like, it was a...
190
00:08:46,222 --> 00:08:48,656
It was... it was quick, and...
191
00:08:48,789 --> 00:08:52,357
My sweatshirt...
192
00:08:52,359 --> 00:08:54,526
My sweatshirt.
193
00:08:59,567 --> 00:09:00,727
Hello.
194
00:09:00,738 --> 00:09:03,001
I need to dress for the job
that I want...
195
00:09:03,003 --> 00:09:04,336
no, have...
196
00:09:04,338 --> 00:09:06,371
which is newly minted Bitcoin queen.
197
00:09:06,373 --> 00:09:09,074
I want a look that says,
"I am the Internet."
198
00:09:09,076 --> 00:09:12,554
I am the Matrix. I am the future,
?and the future is female.
199
00:09:12,565 --> 00:09:13,979
"As well as paperless."
200
00:09:17,084 --> 00:09:19,927
I've been waiting for this since 1999.
201
00:09:19,938 --> 00:09:21,153
Give me a spin.
202
00:09:24,125 --> 00:09:26,258
Oh, yeah. It'll fit.
203
00:09:38,956 --> 00:09:41,386
Missing sweatshirt. Thanks so much.
Check it.
204
00:09:41,397 --> 00:09:42,908
Oh, here you go. Missing sweatshirt.
205
00:09:42,910 --> 00:09:43,942
Great. Okay.
206
00:09:52,342 --> 00:09:54,987
Missing sweatshirt.
There's a blue sweatshirt.
207
00:11:26,413 --> 00:11:29,314
Ilana Wexler, you haven't changed a bit.
208
00:11:32,786 --> 00:11:34,686
Coming up,
we'll talk traffic and weather
209
00:11:34,688 --> 00:11:37,689
and what you can expect
on your afternoon commute,
210
00:11:37,691 --> 00:11:41,110
but first, here's Charlotte
Tennaboro with a special report.
211
00:11:41,121 --> 00:11:43,390
And now, breaking
news from Astoria, Queens,
212
00:11:43,401 --> 00:11:45,731
of another missing white woman.
213
00:11:45,733 --> 00:11:47,772
Residents were shaken today
214
00:11:47,783 --> 00:11:49,883
as fliers went up picturing the victim.
215
00:11:49,894 --> 00:11:52,695
Police are rounding up
suspects and clues
216
00:11:52,706 --> 00:11:55,307
as the community waits in anguish.
217
00:11:55,318 --> 00:12:00,354
Oh, no.
218
00:12:02,372 --> 00:12:04,473
Hi, um, news department, I guess?
219
00:12:04,475 --> 00:12:06,492
I'm calling about
the missing woman in Queens.
220
00:12:06,503 --> 00:12:07,910
Yeah, I-I'll hold. Sure.
221
00:12:07,912 --> 00:12:09,875
A mysterious turn in the disappearance
222
00:12:09,886 --> 00:12:11,420
of the white woman from Queens.
223
00:12:11,431 --> 00:12:12,581
Authorities have discovered
224
00:12:12,583 --> 00:12:15,019
that she was the fifth employee
of Soulstice Gym
225
00:12:15,030 --> 00:12:17,085
to go missing in the last four years.
226
00:12:17,087 --> 00:12:19,888
- So police have re-opened those cases.
- Shit.
227
00:12:19,890 --> 00:12:23,225
She is being remembered tonight
by friends and coworkers
228
00:12:23,227 --> 00:12:26,561
as a sweet, artistic cleaner
with a heart of gold.
229
00:12:26,563 --> 00:12:30,065
I was a trainer when I left.
This is unbelievable.
230
00:12:30,067 --> 00:12:32,813
We're still holding out hope
that they find Abbi, but,
231
00:12:32,824 --> 00:12:35,484
in case they don't, we've lovingly
renamed one of the bathrooms
232
00:12:35,495 --> 00:12:37,057
"Abbi's Room."
233
00:12:37,068 --> 00:12:39,441
Also, we... ?we've retired her plunger.
234
00:12:39,443 --> 00:12:41,243
No!
235
00:12:41,245 --> 00:12:42,945
She was my best friend.
236
00:12:42,947 --> 00:12:44,846
She was my lover!
237
00:12:44,848 --> 00:12:47,416
What? ?We were dating.
238
00:12:47,418 --> 00:12:50,218
- What?!
- We were dating, yeah.
239
00:12:50,220 --> 00:12:51,987
Go for Inez.
240
00:12:51,989 --> 00:12:53,922
Oh, hi, uh, I, uh...
241
00:12:53,924 --> 00:12:56,658
I am calling about the missing girl.
242
00:12:56,660 --> 00:12:59,572
Is she dead? Did you find her body?
How many pieces?
243
00:12:59,583 --> 00:13:02,097
No, ew. No, no... Okay.
244
00:13:02,099 --> 00:13:04,766
I'm, uh...
?I'm actually the missing girl.
245
00:13:04,768 --> 00:13:07,669
I found her. Hero time.
Get ready to go live.
246
00:13:07,680 --> 00:13:09,271
Okay, uh, who has you?
247
00:13:09,273 --> 00:13:10,572
A gang? Are the Russian?
248
00:13:10,574 --> 00:13:12,107
- Albanian?
- ?No, no, no, no, no.
249
00:13:12,109 --> 00:13:15,540
I-I'm just letting you know that
this has been a huge mistake.
250
00:13:15,551 --> 00:13:16,812
I was never missing.
251
00:13:16,814 --> 00:13:19,081
I'm... I-I'm fine. I'm good.
252
00:13:19,083 --> 00:13:20,649
Are you speaking in code right now?
253
00:13:20,651 --> 00:13:22,599
Laugh if you're really okay.
254
00:13:25,401 --> 00:13:26,621
Damn it.
255
00:13:26,623 --> 00:13:28,873
Okay, we need another
missing-girl story pronto.
256
00:13:28,884 --> 00:13:30,015
- On it.
- Jesus.
257
00:13:30,026 --> 00:13:31,360
But, uh, the fliers?
258
00:13:31,362 --> 00:13:33,495
It was for a sweatshirt, so...
259
00:13:33,497 --> 00:13:36,446
- What? ?That doesn't make any sense.
- Okay, i-it's a layout issue.
260
00:13:36,457 --> 00:13:38,467
So, I made the flier
261
00:13:38,469 --> 00:13:40,836
for a missing sweatshirt
from art school,
262
00:13:40,838 --> 00:13:43,638
and then now I see that it seems
as though I was the missing one.
263
00:13:43,640 --> 00:13:45,107
Huh, a layout issue.
264
00:13:45,109 --> 00:13:47,009
So I'm guessing you didn't
finish art school.
265
00:13:47,011 --> 00:13:49,711
Okay, my concentration was in
illustration, not graphic design.
266
00:13:49,713 --> 00:13:51,780
Okay. Great.
267
00:13:56,487 --> 00:13:58,754
This Bitcoin look is patent leather
268
00:13:58,756 --> 00:14:00,222
for my impending patent.
269
00:14:00,224 --> 00:14:02,457
I am Bitcoin, baby, yas.
270
00:14:02,459 --> 00:14:04,459
Okay.
271
00:14:04,461 --> 00:14:05,761
Can I help you with something?
272
00:14:07,105 --> 00:14:09,341
Try to keep up, Brad. Meet...
273
00:14:10,606 --> 00:14:12,634
Phone Wigs.
274
00:14:12,636 --> 00:14:16,438
We've got the Ross.
We've got the Rachel.
275
00:14:16,440 --> 00:14:18,607
Going over here to the Lincoln. Aww.
276
00:14:18,609 --> 00:14:21,643
Classic Abbi. Aww. Little Jaim�.
277
00:14:21,645 --> 00:14:23,727
This time I shit myself... don't ask...
278
00:14:23,738 --> 00:14:25,847
and Bernadette Peters, bitch.
279
00:14:25,849 --> 00:14:27,983
T-These are phone cases?
280
00:14:29,253 --> 00:14:31,686
Brad, I'm sorry. I can't go any slower.
281
00:14:31,688 --> 00:14:35,297
Okay, Phone Wigs are a 21st
century cultural phenomenon.
282
00:14:35,308 --> 00:14:38,231
In an age where technology
divides and isolates us,
283
00:14:38,242 --> 00:14:41,329
Phone Wigs give us the chance
to feel comforted,
284
00:14:41,331 --> 00:14:43,999
to connect and humanize,
285
00:14:44,001 --> 00:14:46,501
and that...
286
00:14:46,503 --> 00:14:48,236
Look at me.
287
00:14:48,238 --> 00:14:50,572
That is the basis of my wiz-ness.
288
00:14:52,609 --> 00:14:54,009
Wiz-ness.
289
00:14:54,011 --> 00:14:58,180
My wiz-ness.
290
00:14:58,182 --> 00:14:59,524
Wiz-ness!
291
00:15:07,247 --> 00:15:08,815
_
292
00:15:12,930 --> 00:15:14,162
Oh, my...
293
00:15:14,173 --> 00:15:15,707
_
294
00:15:22,940 --> 00:15:24,239
Hey, hey!
295
00:15:24,241 --> 00:15:25,640
Hey, we found your sweatshirt.
296
00:15:25,642 --> 00:15:27,175
Oh, my gosh.
297
00:15:27,177 --> 00:15:29,161
Someone saw it on the news
and brought it back.
298
00:15:29,172 --> 00:15:31,613
Thank you so much.
299
00:15:32,752 --> 00:15:34,950
I... I'm so sorry I've been
telling everyone I pass by
300
00:15:34,952 --> 00:15:37,519
- to boycott this place.
- You did what?
301
00:15:37,521 --> 00:15:40,455
No, I'm kidding. Prank!
302
00:15:40,457 --> 00:15:41,623
Please don't come back here.
303
00:15:41,625 --> 00:15:44,092
You're a... bad person.
304
00:15:53,263 --> 00:15:56,638
Hey, sir, you should have this.
305
00:15:56,640 --> 00:15:58,440
What the (BLEEP) is this?
306
00:15:58,451 --> 00:16:01,243
Uh, it's a sweatshirt. It's
actually a vintage sweatshirt
307
00:16:01,245 --> 00:16:03,578
with, like, the perfect amount
of wear, so...
308
00:16:04,615 --> 00:16:06,815
I don't want this shit!
309
00:16:06,817 --> 00:16:08,517
I went to RISD.
310
00:16:09,613 --> 00:16:11,825
It's too hot out here.
I can't wear synthetics.
311
00:16:11,836 --> 00:16:12,988
Okay. Well, I am...
312
00:16:12,990 --> 00:16:15,191
I am sorry, and, um, great.
313
00:16:15,202 --> 00:16:16,261
I am sorry.
314
00:16:24,168 --> 00:16:28,003
Okay, you found your Bitcoin number
315
00:16:28,005 --> 00:16:30,438
on an old Fruit by the Foot...
316
00:16:30,440 --> 00:16:31,640
Ja.
317
00:16:31,642 --> 00:16:33,316
that you remember that I gave you
318
00:16:33,327 --> 00:16:35,911
- for a Waka Flocka Flame ticket...
- Ja.
319
00:16:35,913 --> 00:16:38,146
and you want to cash out
that money today
320
00:16:38,148 --> 00:16:41,249
to get a patent for these Phone Wigs.
321
00:16:41,251 --> 00:16:43,518
Chugots! Finally.
322
00:16:43,520 --> 00:16:45,153
It took long enough, my Brad.
323
00:16:45,155 --> 00:16:47,122
Now gimme the loot. Gimme the loot.
324
00:16:47,124 --> 00:16:49,552
Uh, you could learn
how to communicate better.
325
00:16:49,563 --> 00:16:52,098
Rude. ?Anyway.
326
00:16:52,963 --> 00:16:56,668
$8,265 has been transferred
to your account.
327
00:16:56,679 --> 00:16:57,699
Yes!
328
00:16:57,701 --> 00:17:00,335
The Internet is my forking god!
329
00:17:00,337 --> 00:17:02,537
Whoo! Yeah, yeah. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
330
00:17:02,539 --> 00:17:04,472
- Yeah, yeah!
- Hey, come on, now.
331
00:17:04,474 --> 00:17:06,141
- Oh, my God.
- Come on. Grow up.
332
00:17:06,143 --> 00:17:09,089
- What are you, 26 now?
- ?I'm 27.
333
00:17:09,100 --> 00:17:12,347
And what are you, like, a hot,
ripped, uncut 50-year-old?
334
00:17:12,349 --> 00:17:14,542
- 47.
- Okay, fine.
335
00:17:14,553 --> 00:17:16,961
I just mean that we had sex
when I was 21.
336
00:17:16,972 --> 00:17:18,770
That's gross. You grow up, maybe.
337
00:17:18,781 --> 00:17:21,651
Okay, that's fair.
338
00:17:21,662 --> 00:17:24,392
But I was going through a divorce then,
339
00:17:24,394 --> 00:17:27,395
and I was in ?a really... insecure place,
340
00:17:27,397 --> 00:17:30,832
and having sex with someone younger...
341
00:17:30,834 --> 00:17:34,402
- boosted my self-esteem a little.
- Oh.
342
00:17:34,404 --> 00:17:36,605
I mean, I'm in an age-appropriate
relationship now.
343
00:17:36,607 --> 00:17:39,068
That's really... good... good for you.
344
00:17:39,079 --> 00:17:40,342
Yeah, her name's Marie.
345
00:17:40,344 --> 00:17:42,200
And I think you'd really like her.
346
00:17:42,211 --> 00:17:45,043
Okay, that's cool. ?You're cool.
You're good.
347
00:17:45,759 --> 00:17:47,749
- It was great to see you.
- Great.
348
00:17:47,751 --> 00:17:50,352
- So long.
- Uh, Phone Wigs.
349
00:17:50,354 --> 00:17:51,720
Oof.
350
00:17:51,722 --> 00:17:54,988
No more Bitcoin! No more Bitcoin!
351
00:17:54,999 --> 00:17:56,591
Jesus, it's hot out now?
352
00:17:56,593 --> 00:17:58,693
- Who dis?
- Bitcoin sucks!
353
00:17:58,695 --> 00:18:00,861
Yes, what are we protesting today, huh?
354
00:18:00,872 --> 00:18:03,231
Bitcoin, because it's killing the Earth!
355
00:18:03,233 --> 00:18:05,200
What? It's paperless.
356
00:18:05,202 --> 00:18:07,663
Oh, you know, Bitcoin has to be mined
357
00:18:07,674 --> 00:18:10,327
by thousands of computers 24/7.
358
00:18:10,338 --> 00:18:12,227
It's a huge waste of energy
359
00:18:12,238 --> 00:18:14,301
because of all the servers it's using.
360
00:18:15,412 --> 00:18:17,160
And it's the pedophile's
currency of choice.
361
00:18:17,171 --> 00:18:19,614
- Oh, it is?
- Fueling ?the child-sex-trade industry
362
00:18:19,616 --> 00:18:22,550
and dominating the illegal-arms world.
363
00:18:22,552 --> 00:18:24,358
Is it hot... hot out to you?
364
00:18:24,369 --> 00:18:26,083
Well, you can thank Bitcoin for that,
365
00:18:26,094 --> 00:18:28,005
'cause it's contributing
to climate change,
366
00:18:28,016 --> 00:18:29,758
so you're feeling the effects.
367
00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:31,926
Bitcoin is killing the Earth!
368
00:18:31,928 --> 00:18:34,296
Totally killing the Earth!
369
00:18:34,298 --> 00:18:35,797
Good luck with your protest.
370
00:18:37,884 --> 00:18:40,252
Okay, so, be honest.
371
00:18:40,254 --> 00:18:42,288
Do I have to donate that $8,000?
372
00:18:42,290 --> 00:18:43,722
I know Bitcoin is evil,
373
00:18:43,724 --> 00:18:45,758
but it's, like, no more evil
than paper money.
374
00:18:45,760 --> 00:18:47,560
It's also like, what about eating meat?
375
00:18:47,562 --> 00:18:49,061
I mean, the meat industry
376
00:18:49,063 --> 00:18:50,930
is the biggest contributor
to climate change.
377
00:18:50,932 --> 00:18:52,231
I mean way more than Bitcoin.
378
00:18:52,233 --> 00:18:55,752
Do you know that the fashion industry
burns the remainder of its clothes
379
00:18:55,763 --> 00:18:57,608
at the end of every season
to retain its value?
380
00:18:57,619 --> 00:18:59,772
Mountains of clothes on fire.
381
00:18:59,774 --> 00:19:02,408
Yeah, not to mention that it's
all made by little children.
382
00:19:02,410 --> 00:19:04,627
You know recycling's a (bleep) hoax.
383
00:19:04,638 --> 00:19:06,632
You really scrubbing out
my udon containers
384
00:19:06,643 --> 00:19:08,948
and peeling the labels off
and melting the plastic down
385
00:19:08,950 --> 00:19:11,250
to re-form them
into new udon containers?
386
00:19:11,252 --> 00:19:13,819
Oh, dude, Garbage Island is real.
387
00:19:13,821 --> 00:19:17,123
Mother Earth is like, "Noooo! Noo!"
388
00:19:17,125 --> 00:19:18,624
And we're like, "No, bitch, die, bitch!"
389
00:19:19,166 --> 00:19:20,459
It's awful. ?Yeah.
390
00:19:20,461 --> 00:19:22,595
Why is the news not covering this 24/7?
391
00:19:22,597 --> 00:19:25,264
Don't even get me started on the news.
392
00:19:25,266 --> 00:19:27,666
The news is like... Like, the news is...
393
00:19:27,668 --> 00:19:29,301
Like, hey, guys,
394
00:19:29,303 --> 00:19:31,871
hey, maybe focus on
like, important issues...
395
00:19:31,873 --> 00:19:33,473
- Honestly.
- like re... like, recycling
396
00:19:33,484 --> 00:19:35,617
instead of latching on to some stupid
397
00:19:35,628 --> 00:19:38,444
but really understandable
layout issues on fliers.
398
00:19:38,446 --> 00:19:39,812
Like, what?
399
00:19:39,814 --> 00:19:41,113
Yeah.
400
00:19:41,115 --> 00:19:42,515
What?
401
00:19:42,517 --> 00:19:44,917
Also, ?we are being listened to... Pbht.
402
00:19:44,919 --> 00:19:46,485
- all the time.
- ?Ehh.
403
00:19:46,487 --> 00:19:48,454
Anything that we do
on social media for free,
404
00:19:48,456 --> 00:19:50,642
we pay for through our experience.
405
00:19:50,653 --> 00:19:52,925
We are just "data."
406
00:19:52,927 --> 00:19:54,860
Whew, I feel so much better.
407
00:19:54,862 --> 00:19:56,328
Thank you so much.
408
00:19:56,330 --> 00:19:58,364
Oh, my God.
409
00:19:58,366 --> 00:20:01,586
Plus, dude, I swear, dudette, derd,
410
00:20:01,597 --> 00:20:04,170
I honestly vow, her and nerr, okay?
411
00:20:04,172 --> 00:20:05,905
Do you know this is, like,
an ancient Jewish symbol?
412
00:20:05,907 --> 00:20:08,694
This is, like, a Jewish thing. It's
like a mystical, tribal Jewish...
413
00:20:08,705 --> 00:20:09,962
Hold on. Just say the thing.
414
00:20:09,973 --> 00:20:12,678
Oh, um, just that
I'm gonna follow through
415
00:20:12,680 --> 00:20:14,813
and honestly put this money
into my Phone Wigs patent.
416
00:20:14,815 --> 00:20:16,849
I'm gonna be investing in
a woman-owned wiz-ness,
417
00:20:16,851 --> 00:20:18,994
and that's gonna
?tip the scales of progress.
418
00:20:19,005 --> 00:20:21,320
And it uses biodegradable materials.
419
00:20:21,322 --> 00:20:22,354
Human hair!
420
00:20:22,356 --> 00:20:25,057
Ugh, I love that.
I legit love my Phone Wig.
421
00:20:25,059 --> 00:20:27,159
- It's so cute.
- So cute.
422
00:20:27,161 --> 00:20:29,862
Okay, so, it says here
that if patent leather
423
00:20:29,864 --> 00:20:33,032
has gotten stuck or adhered
to your skin or body,
424
00:20:33,034 --> 00:20:35,167
the best way to get it off is lubricant.
425
00:20:35,169 --> 00:20:37,636
So, I mean, we could try
again with almond oil.
426
00:20:37,638 --> 00:20:39,638
Feh.
427
00:20:41,411 --> 00:20:44,357
- Synced and corrected by Shazi89 -
- www.addic7ed.com -
30942
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.