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1
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? Happy 30-birdy ?
2
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? Happy 30... ?
3
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Happy 30th birthday, Abbi.
4
00:00:07,414 --> 00:00:09,915
Okay, so, today, we are walking from...
5
00:00:09,917 --> 00:00:12,451
Sorry, one second. Nose grease.
6
00:00:12,453 --> 00:00:14,753
This is gonna be
the litty-est story ever.
7
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Happy 30th birthday, Abbi.
8
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Okay, so, today, we are walking from
9
00:00:19,460 --> 00:00:21,193
the tippity-top of Manhattan
10
00:00:21,195 --> 00:00:23,261
to the tippity-bottom of Manhattan.
11
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_
12
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It's function, baby. It's fashion, baby.
13
00:00:32,105 --> 00:00:33,939
It's fluid, baby.
14
00:00:33,941 --> 00:00:36,375
I got to fill it up. There's
nothing in there right now.
15
00:00:36,377 --> 00:00:39,371
Oh, yeah, dude. I am
so happy that you got these.
16
00:00:39,382 --> 00:00:41,646
Phillip Lim on a Shopbop discount.
17
00:00:41,648 --> 00:00:44,182
$149 at 80% off, okay?
18
00:00:44,184 --> 00:00:46,310
And we're talking only half
a size smaller
19
00:00:46,321 --> 00:00:49,822
than the size I actually wear,
so work it, dawg!
20
00:00:49,824 --> 00:00:51,438
Hold on! ?Is that the key to my heart?
21
00:00:51,457 --> 00:00:52,875
Yeah, this is the key to your heart.
22
00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:55,152
- What's the other one?
- The key to your ass!
23
00:00:56,940 --> 00:00:59,555
_
24
00:01:01,164 --> 00:01:03,127
- How do you feel, Abbi?
- I feel good.
25
00:01:03,138 --> 00:01:04,537
Bitch, how do you feel?!
26
00:01:04,539 --> 00:01:05,905
- I feel great!
- Yes!
27
00:01:05,907 --> 00:01:07,940
Happy 30th birthday, dawg!
28
00:01:07,942 --> 00:01:11,044
Whoa, Ilana, are you sure
those shoes are okay?
29
00:01:11,046 --> 00:01:13,513
Yes. ?Dude, I feel more comfortable
30
00:01:13,515 --> 00:01:15,248
in platforms than not.
31
00:01:16,200 --> 00:01:17,418
_
32
00:01:18,901 --> 00:01:20,112
_
33
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_
34
00:01:28,963 --> 00:01:30,797
We're being held up here
35
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due to someone jumping
on the tracks to get a photo.
36
00:01:33,068 --> 00:01:34,934
We'll be moving shortly.
37
00:01:34,936 --> 00:01:37,437
Oh, my good God.
38
00:01:37,439 --> 00:01:39,105
I can show you your present right now.
39
00:01:39,107 --> 00:01:41,074
- Ilana, I said no gifts.
- Okay, but it happens
40
00:01:41,076 --> 00:01:43,643
to already be in your phone,
so check your texts.
41
00:01:43,645 --> 00:01:45,712
What is it?
42
00:01:45,714 --> 00:01:48,281
Oh, my God!
43
00:01:48,283 --> 00:01:49,649
Ilana.
44
00:01:49,651 --> 00:01:51,150
What?
45
00:01:51,161 --> 00:01:53,126
_
46
00:02:07,168 --> 00:02:11,003
? I'm 15 for a moment ?
47
00:02:11,005 --> 00:02:12,638
Oh, my gosh!
48
00:02:12,640 --> 00:02:14,474
How long has this been going on?
49
00:02:14,476 --> 00:02:17,009
? 22 for a moment ?
50
00:02:17,011 --> 00:02:20,012
? And she feels better than ever ?
51
00:02:20,014 --> 00:02:23,516
? And we're on fire ?
52
00:02:23,518 --> 00:02:29,255
? Making our way back from Mars ?
53
00:02:29,257 --> 00:02:33,292
? 15 there's still time for you ?
54
00:02:33,294 --> 00:02:37,330
? Time to buy and time to lose ?
55
00:02:37,332 --> 00:02:43,269
? 15, there's never a wish
better than this ?
56
00:02:45,807 --> 00:02:47,955
Ilana, this is like...
57
00:02:49,644 --> 00:02:53,012
? Time to buy and time to choose ?
58
00:02:53,014 --> 00:02:55,615
? Hey 15 ?
59
00:02:55,617 --> 00:03:00,653
? There's never a wish
better than this ?
60
00:03:00,655 --> 00:03:06,659
? When you only got
a hundred years to live ?
61
00:03:11,375 --> 00:03:13,695
_
62
00:03:14,302 --> 00:03:16,669
? 4 and 3 and 2 and 1 ?
63
00:03:18,638 --> 00:03:20,998
- Synced and corrected by Shazi89 -
- www.addic7ed.com -
64
00:03:21,009 --> 00:03:23,075
Yes, yes, yes, yes!
65
00:03:23,077 --> 00:03:26,412
? Looks like we made it ?
66
00:03:26,414 --> 00:03:30,183
To Inwood! New York City, baby!
67
00:03:30,185 --> 00:03:33,452
Holy shit! There she is,
the birthday girl herself!
68
00:03:35,056 --> 00:03:36,689
The pigs!
69
00:03:36,691 --> 00:03:38,891
Okay, no, for real, pigs.
70
00:03:38,893 --> 00:03:41,027
Dude, stop it.
71
00:03:41,029 --> 00:03:42,261
Stop.
72
00:03:42,263 --> 00:03:44,096
You're beautiful!
73
00:03:47,344 --> 00:03:50,212
? Shake down, now shit's getting
shook up, used... ?
74
00:03:51,806 --> 00:03:53,239
She's speechless.
75
00:03:53,241 --> 00:03:56,008
Morris Jumel Mansion, baby.
Beside herself.
76
00:03:56,010 --> 00:03:58,811
This has been here
the whole time, sitting here!
77
00:04:02,717 --> 00:04:04,217
Yeah.
78
00:04:07,021 --> 00:04:08,287
Come on!
79
00:04:08,289 --> 00:04:10,022
What?
80
00:04:10,024 --> 00:04:12,325
Oh, thank you. Uh, it's just
this Onion article.
81
00:04:12,327 --> 00:04:13,926
It's just cracking me up, man.
82
00:04:13,928 --> 00:04:15,661
That's the Times.
83
00:04:21,569 --> 00:04:25,638
Wow. She's been practicing
all season for this moment.
84
00:04:28,076 --> 00:04:30,076
Wow, since her recovery,
I'm... I'm shocked
85
00:04:30,078 --> 00:04:31,544
at the eleganza she's bringing.
86
00:04:31,546 --> 00:04:33,112
No parents. Her parents divorced her,
87
00:04:33,123 --> 00:04:35,248
gave her over to coaches.
She and her coach
88
00:04:35,250 --> 00:04:37,383
have had a sexual relationship
for many years.
89
00:04:37,385 --> 00:04:40,353
Let's see if she can nail
the triple axel!
90
00:04:40,355 --> 00:04:41,921
Oh! And she nailed it!
91
00:04:49,430 --> 00:04:51,631
Hair braiding!
92
00:04:51,633 --> 00:04:54,100
Hair braiding!
93
00:04:54,102 --> 00:04:56,135
You want your hair braided?
94
00:04:56,137 --> 00:04:57,670
You want your hair braided?
95
00:04:57,672 --> 00:04:58,838
No. Ilana, no.
96
00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:00,106
Come on! She's black.
97
00:05:00,108 --> 00:05:01,641
- She's saying it.
- Hair braiding!
98
00:05:01,643 --> 00:05:03,144
I just don't think that you should...
99
00:05:03,155 --> 00:05:04,888
One braid.
100
00:05:10,018 --> 00:05:12,086
Thank you so much.
101
00:05:12,921 --> 00:05:15,537
Beautiful. It's very long.
102
00:05:16,090 --> 00:05:17,323
You know what it is?
103
00:05:17,325 --> 00:05:19,659
A touch of cultural appropriation
104
00:05:19,661 --> 00:05:21,193
sheds light on the matter.
105
00:05:21,195 --> 00:05:23,996
Whoo!
106
00:05:24,007 --> 00:05:26,243
Yeah!
107
00:05:26,254 --> 00:05:29,155
? Dirty 30, hoo! ?
108
00:05:29,170 --> 00:05:31,637
? Dirty 30, hoo! ?
109
00:05:31,639 --> 00:05:34,006
? Dirty 30, yow! ?
110
00:05:34,008 --> 00:05:36,475
30, huh? Do you feel different?
111
00:05:36,477 --> 00:05:38,811
You look younger, actually.
112
00:05:38,813 --> 00:05:40,112
Dude, I feel fine.
113
00:05:40,114 --> 00:05:42,014
- I don't know. Whatever.
- No, no, no, no.
114
00:05:42,016 --> 00:05:43,649
You are a-mahz-ing,
115
00:05:43,651 --> 00:05:45,785
fully a-mahz-ing and "sahno" phenomenal.
116
00:05:45,787 --> 00:05:47,987
Come on.
?You have two really nice parents
117
00:05:47,989 --> 00:05:49,355
and a great apartment.
118
00:05:49,357 --> 00:05:52,458
Yeah, no, I... I don't know.
119
00:05:52,460 --> 00:05:57,063
I guess I thought I'd be, like,
married with kids by now.
120
00:05:57,065 --> 00:05:59,565
I guess it's good I have the job
at Anthropologie.
121
00:05:59,567 --> 00:06:02,368
Yes! 'Cause, you know what?
If you had kids,
122
00:06:02,370 --> 00:06:03,970
they'd leave you after 18 years,
123
00:06:03,972 --> 00:06:07,773
but Anthropologie,
?you might work there forever.
124
00:06:07,775 --> 00:06:09,342
I mean, I hope not.
125
00:06:09,344 --> 00:06:11,177
Me, too. You're not gonna
work there forever,
126
00:06:11,179 --> 00:06:12,645
but you could if you wanted to
127
00:06:12,647 --> 00:06:14,584
'cause you're so good at your work,
128
00:06:14,595 --> 00:06:16,469
but you're surely gonna
become a famous artist,
129
00:06:16,480 --> 00:06:17,679
so it's not even an issue.
130
00:06:17,690 --> 00:06:19,390
- Okay, let's just keep going.
- Yeah.
131
00:06:26,198 --> 00:06:27,484
_
132
00:06:27,495 --> 00:06:29,061
Damn!
133
00:06:29,063 --> 00:06:31,230
- Dude, stop filming.
- I'm sorry, I have to report
134
00:06:31,232 --> 00:06:33,265
that Abbi just got clotheslined
135
00:06:33,267 --> 00:06:35,334
by a metal pole
?in the middle of the street.
136
00:06:35,336 --> 00:06:36,402
?- Whoa!
137
00:06:36,404 --> 00:06:37,937
Ilana! My God!
138
00:06:37,939 --> 00:06:40,072
- Ilana!
- Ow, damn it!
139
00:06:40,074 --> 00:06:41,340
Are you okay?
140
00:06:41,342 --> 00:06:44,844
Yeah, I just fully fell down a manhole.
141
00:06:44,846 --> 00:06:47,094
Wait, are you still filming?
142
00:06:47,682 --> 00:06:49,615
_
143
00:06:49,617 --> 00:06:53,448
? A girl on girl crumble ?
144
00:06:53,776 --> 00:06:55,587
(BLEEP) dude! I'm, like, actually hurt!
145
00:06:55,598 --> 00:06:57,219
I don't think I can climb up the ladder
146
00:06:57,230 --> 00:06:58,933
and film at the same time.
147
00:06:58,935 --> 00:07:01,502
I know what to do! Okay!
148
00:07:01,504 --> 00:07:03,827
Ohh. Oh, God. Okay.
149
00:07:03,838 --> 00:07:05,330
_
150
00:07:08,847 --> 00:07:10,038
_
151
00:07:10,049 --> 00:07:11,081
_
152
00:07:12,469 --> 00:07:14,154
_
153
00:07:16,219 --> 00:07:18,085
Dude, we got to go to a doctor.
154
00:07:18,087 --> 00:07:19,320
I'm fine!
155
00:07:19,322 --> 00:07:21,555
Plus we gotta walk
the rest of Manhattan!
156
00:07:21,557 --> 00:07:23,288
_
157
00:07:23,299 --> 00:07:24,815
_
158
00:07:27,028 --> 00:07:28,253
_
159
00:07:28,264 --> 00:07:30,564
Okay, aisle 4.
160
00:07:30,566 --> 00:07:31,599
Hell yeah.
161
00:07:31,601 --> 00:07:32,833
Ilana. Shoot.
162
00:07:32,835 --> 00:07:34,235
- Ilana!
- Whoo-hoo!
163
00:07:34,237 --> 00:07:35,569
Oh, my God.
164
00:07:35,571 --> 00:07:38,439
I miss school only for the supplies.
165
00:07:38,441 --> 00:07:40,608
Oof! Lisa Frank, bitch!
166
00:07:40,610 --> 00:07:42,943
Mogul, bitch! Empire, bitch!
167
00:07:42,945 --> 00:07:44,645
School supplies.
168
00:07:45,544 --> 00:07:46,725
_
169
00:07:46,736 --> 00:07:47,952
_
170
00:07:49,112 --> 00:07:50,782
_
171
00:07:50,793 --> 00:07:52,086
These are good ones.
172
00:07:52,088 --> 00:07:54,247
These are good markers.
173
00:07:59,074 --> 00:08:01,947
_
174
00:08:02,598 --> 00:08:03,631
Killin' it.
175
00:08:06,101 --> 00:08:07,160
_
176
00:08:07,171 --> 00:08:11,530
? Happy birthday, dear Claire ?
177
00:08:11,541 --> 00:08:12,606
Brrring!
178
00:08:13,215 --> 00:08:14,512
_
179
00:08:17,974 --> 00:08:19,438
_
180
00:08:19,449 --> 00:08:20,998
_
181
00:08:25,121 --> 00:08:27,038
Miss, um, how may I help you today?
182
00:08:27,049 --> 00:08:28,582
?I don't know, what do you go?
183
00:08:28,593 --> 00:08:30,191
Well, for your lovely feet,
184
00:08:30,193 --> 00:08:32,760
I'm thinking we should
definitely get you
185
00:08:32,762 --> 00:08:34,462
in something a little more comfy.
186
00:08:34,464 --> 00:08:36,831
I think you need something
definitely with arch support.
187
00:08:36,833 --> 00:08:38,165
Cushioning.
188
00:08:38,167 --> 00:08:39,834
Breathable. You got it.
189
00:08:39,836 --> 00:08:41,335
Hi. Thank you so much.
190
00:08:41,337 --> 00:08:44,738
? When you give me those ocean eyes ?
191
00:08:48,740 --> 00:08:51,218
I can't, like, lea... You know
how they're always like, "Lean,"
192
00:08:51,229 --> 00:08:54,215
and then they lean? Aah.
Yeah, I can't do it.
193
00:08:59,355 --> 00:09:02,022
I'm like, "How many layers
of irony can we go?"
194
00:09:02,024 --> 00:09:04,792
Skechers is selling ugly Skechers.
195
00:09:04,794 --> 00:09:06,261
Please.
196
00:09:07,697 --> 00:09:09,748
All right, dude. What are we even doing?
197
00:09:09,759 --> 00:09:12,032
Are these comfortable or what?
198
00:09:12,034 --> 00:09:13,334
Yeah, no, they're good.
199
00:09:13,336 --> 00:09:14,702
They're good!
200
00:09:17,616 --> 00:09:19,511
_
201
00:09:19,522 --> 00:09:21,885
_
202
00:09:22,318 --> 00:09:23,756
_
203
00:09:24,003 --> 00:09:25,557
_
204
00:09:26,349 --> 00:09:28,549
?Wowee, wowee, what a steal!
205
00:09:28,551 --> 00:09:29,717
I'm buying these for you.
206
00:09:29,719 --> 00:09:30,851
What?
207
00:09:30,853 --> 00:09:32,553
- No!
- Happy my birthday!
208
00:09:32,555 --> 00:09:33,921
I couldn't le...
209
00:09:33,923 --> 00:09:35,322
_
210
00:09:36,359 --> 00:09:38,125
I'll take these, please.
211
00:09:38,127 --> 00:09:40,895
If you open up
?a Fresh Kicks credit card,
212
00:09:40,897 --> 00:09:42,863
these will be $9.99.
213
00:09:42,865 --> 00:09:44,665
Please do not film me.
214
00:09:44,667 --> 00:09:46,800
But adults do have
?more than one credit card.
215
00:09:46,802 --> 00:09:48,536
I should get the extra credit card.
216
00:09:48,538 --> 00:09:50,137
I should get it. It's not nuts
217
00:09:50,139 --> 00:09:51,825
for me to get another credit card.
218
00:09:51,836 --> 00:09:53,331
_
219
00:09:53,342 --> 00:09:54,742
Okay.
220
00:09:54,744 --> 00:09:56,472
And I'll just do it. I'll just, like...
221
00:09:56,483 --> 00:09:58,779
You'll pay it. Don't need to tell Dad...
222
00:09:58,781 --> 00:10:00,214
tell Dad about it.
223
00:10:00,247 --> 00:10:02,699
_
224
00:10:05,054 --> 00:10:07,221
And then I'll get
the funds from my bank account
225
00:10:07,223 --> 00:10:08,556
that'll be sent to you, somehow.
226
00:10:08,558 --> 00:10:09,823
Yeah.
227
00:10:09,825 --> 00:10:11,926
I have two credit cards.
228
00:10:16,605 --> 00:10:18,035
_
229
00:10:18,046 --> 00:10:19,262
_
230
00:10:19,273 --> 00:10:20,344
_
231
00:10:20,937 --> 00:10:24,271
Abbi Gary Anna Abrams.
232
00:10:24,273 --> 00:10:28,108
One of you (BLEEP) stole Abbi's
credit card information,
233
00:10:28,110 --> 00:10:30,444
and I think I know the loser
from high school that it is,
234
00:10:30,446 --> 00:10:35,182
and his name rhymes
SchNicholas SchPaley, okay?
235
00:10:35,184 --> 00:10:37,649
Same thing did happen to Obama,
though, so it's kind of hot.
236
00:10:37,660 --> 00:10:40,254
Ilana. Ilana!
237
00:10:48,364 --> 00:10:51,799
This how no one can go
to a Disney Store.
238
00:10:51,801 --> 00:10:53,434
Is she close by?
239
00:10:53,436 --> 00:10:55,069
No.
240
00:10:55,071 --> 00:10:57,671
I don't know.
241
00:10:57,673 --> 00:11:00,541
Um... ?Okay, if any of my 213 followers
242
00:11:00,543 --> 00:11:02,443
is in the Midtown Mall,
243
00:11:02,445 --> 00:11:04,278
we just found a dope little girl,
244
00:11:04,280 --> 00:11:05,579
and her parents aren't here.
245
00:11:05,581 --> 00:11:07,314
But she's fine. She's with us, but...
246
00:11:07,316 --> 00:11:09,316
- What's your name?
- Ga da na!
247
00:11:09,318 --> 00:11:11,417
- Gadanna!
- Gadanna!
248
00:11:11,428 --> 00:11:13,087
That is gorgeous!
249
00:11:13,089 --> 00:11:15,155
Madonna, Rihanna, Ilana, Gadanna!
250
00:11:15,157 --> 00:11:17,024
Whoa. Dude, that's good.
251
00:11:17,035 --> 00:11:18,371
_
252
00:11:18,382 --> 00:11:20,233
_
253
00:11:21,097 --> 00:11:22,963
In the corner.
254
00:11:22,965 --> 00:11:26,133
Mommy, can I go explore over there?
255
00:11:28,475 --> 00:11:30,303
_
256
00:11:32,408 --> 00:11:33,874
Hold on one sec, all right?
257
00:11:33,876 --> 00:11:35,843
_
258
00:11:35,845 --> 00:11:38,545
So, we're going to Security,
259
00:11:38,547 --> 00:11:40,347
but we're riding the escalator,
260
00:11:40,349 --> 00:11:44,084
which is more fun, and it gives
us more time with Gadanna!
261
00:11:44,086 --> 00:11:46,654
- Totally, dude.
- No, I mean, it's insane.
262
00:11:46,656 --> 00:11:48,489
Like...
263
00:11:48,491 --> 00:11:49,957
What, she's 2?
264
00:11:49,959 --> 00:11:51,291
I'm 30.
265
00:11:51,293 --> 00:11:54,995
I mean, I could literally be her mom.
266
00:11:54,997 --> 00:11:56,841
I mean, if I was just
walking around this...
267
00:11:56,852 --> 00:11:58,599
you know, the mall... by myself,
268
00:11:58,601 --> 00:12:00,401
and people saw me shopping with her,
269
00:12:00,403 --> 00:12:02,202
they'd be like,
? "That's a mom and her kid."
270
00:12:02,204 --> 00:12:03,303
You're crazy!
271
00:12:03,305 --> 00:12:04,571
Me?!
272
00:12:04,573 --> 00:12:06,407
- I'm crazy now?
- You're crazy!
273
00:12:06,409 --> 00:12:07,941
- No!
- She nut.
274
00:12:07,943 --> 00:12:11,011
Mommy! Mommy. Mom...
275
00:12:13,471 --> 00:12:14,749
_
276
00:12:15,342 --> 00:12:18,476
Oh, Gadanna, you have taught us so much.
277
00:12:18,487 --> 00:12:20,387
Yeah, we're really gonna miss you.
278
00:12:20,389 --> 00:12:22,276
Okay, maybe we could just do,
like, a double-cheek kiss.
279
00:12:22,287 --> 00:12:24,224
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
?Double-cheek kiss. Ready?
280
00:12:24,226 --> 00:12:25,292
- Mwah!
- Mwah!
281
00:12:25,294 --> 00:12:26,727
Excuse me!
282
00:12:26,729 --> 00:12:29,663
What the (BLEEP) are you doing
with my child?
283
00:12:29,665 --> 00:12:31,965
- Mommy?
- Abbi?
284
00:12:31,967 --> 00:12:33,267
College Abbi.
285
00:12:33,278 --> 00:12:35,186
_
286
00:12:35,197 --> 00:12:37,526
_
287
00:12:37,537 --> 00:12:40,240
_
288
00:12:40,242 --> 00:12:41,408
Did you take Bella?
289
00:12:41,410 --> 00:12:42,843
No, we didn't take her.
290
00:12:42,845 --> 00:12:44,578
She was clearly stranded.
291
00:12:44,580 --> 00:12:46,580
You should keep better
track of your kids.
292
00:12:46,582 --> 00:12:49,350
Oh, grow up, Abbi. We're 30.
293
00:12:49,352 --> 00:12:51,485
Why the (BLEEP) are you filming her?
294
00:12:51,487 --> 00:12:56,857
Why the (Bleep) are you filming her?
295
00:12:56,859 --> 00:12:59,660
(BLEEP) bitch!
296
00:12:59,662 --> 00:13:01,595
(BLEEP) bitch.
297
00:13:03,564 --> 00:13:06,141
_
298
00:13:06,152 --> 00:13:07,759
_
299
00:13:07,770 --> 00:13:09,369
- Go!
- No!
300
00:13:09,371 --> 00:13:11,538
Go, go, go!
301
00:13:11,540 --> 00:13:13,340
No, dude! You out?
302
00:13:13,342 --> 00:13:14,375
- Yes!
- You can't!
303
00:13:14,377 --> 00:13:16,043
Oh! You can't leave!
304
00:13:18,155 --> 00:13:20,790
So, we just downloaded
that story for evidence,
305
00:13:20,792 --> 00:13:22,992
but now, um, the rest of Manhattan!
306
00:13:22,994 --> 00:13:25,228
- Whoop, whoo-oop!
- No, I mean, what a (BLEEP) bitch.
307
00:13:25,230 --> 00:13:27,912
Like, what a mess. Like, we are
so not pedophiles, dude.
308
00:13:27,923 --> 00:13:30,166
- No!
- I mean, and her name is Cheese?
309
00:13:30,168 --> 00:13:31,736
- Come on.
- But it's not really Cheese.
310
00:13:31,747 --> 00:13:33,169
No, whatever her name is!
311
00:13:33,171 --> 00:13:35,175
Listen, all this girl
wanted to do in college
312
00:13:35,186 --> 00:13:37,207
was, like, ecstasy
and take group showers...
313
00:13:37,209 --> 00:13:39,542
ones that I never even wanted
to be a part of, by the way.
314
00:13:39,544 --> 00:13:41,578
Even if she would have asked me,
I would have never done it.
315
00:13:41,580 --> 00:13:43,250
And now she has a bunch of (BLEEP) kids,
316
00:13:43,261 --> 00:13:44,642
and she thinks she's (BLEEP)
better than me?
317
00:13:44,653 --> 00:13:46,095
- No!
?- She thinks she's better than me?
318
00:13:46,106 --> 00:13:47,456
- No!
- Bullshit!
319
00:13:53,091 --> 00:13:55,625
We're coming to ya, men!
320
00:13:55,627 --> 00:13:57,794
Whoo! Ma men!
321
00:14:00,132 --> 00:14:01,431
- Whoo!
- Hey.
322
00:14:01,433 --> 00:14:03,733
- Happy birthday.
- Thank you so much.
323
00:14:03,735 --> 00:14:05,668
- Thank you.
- Hey, happy birthday.
324
00:14:05,670 --> 00:14:07,170
- Hey.
- Hi.
325
00:14:07,172 --> 00:14:10,140
- Ilana, what happened?
- Oh, God. Okay, so...
326
00:14:10,142 --> 00:14:16,546
? Amazing grace ?
327
00:14:16,548 --> 00:14:23,186
? How sweet the sound ?
328
00:14:23,188 --> 00:14:29,025
? That saved a wretch ?
329
00:14:31,496 --> 00:14:33,863
- What is this?
- Hey!
330
00:14:37,068 --> 00:14:38,902
Ah, what's up, Bubbie?
331
00:14:38,904 --> 00:14:40,603
Yo, yo, yo, yo.
332
00:14:43,041 --> 00:14:45,041
Okay, let's do this quick
before she gets back.
333
00:14:45,043 --> 00:14:48,445
_
334
00:14:48,447 --> 00:14:50,180
Happy birthday, Abbies! I hope you have
335
00:14:50,182 --> 00:14:52,515
the most amazing one.
I love you so much.
336
00:14:52,517 --> 00:14:54,951
I hope the 30s are everything
you expect them to be.
337
00:14:54,953 --> 00:14:58,922
And I'm really happy
it's happening to you before me.
338
00:14:58,924 --> 00:15:00,957
You are older than me.
That's why I say this.
339
00:15:00,959 --> 00:15:03,293
God, dude, I remember my 30s.
340
00:15:03,295 --> 00:15:05,128
All I had was a beeper...
a frickin' beeper.
341
00:15:05,130 --> 00:15:06,896
Nobody had freakin' cellphones,
342
00:15:06,898 --> 00:15:08,965
every two minutes checking your phone.
343
00:15:08,967 --> 00:15:10,545
I'm so happy I didn't grow up...
344
00:15:10,556 --> 00:15:12,035
Cheers, Abbi.
345
00:15:12,037 --> 00:15:15,295
Happy birthday. I'm so
excited to celebrate
346
00:15:15,306 --> 00:15:17,251
this momentous occasion with you.
347
00:15:17,262 --> 00:15:19,262
I feel like this is your year,
348
00:15:19,264 --> 00:15:21,064
so you need to do something with it.
349
00:15:21,075 --> 00:15:22,223
_
350
00:15:24,929 --> 00:15:27,606
_
351
00:15:28,173 --> 00:15:30,774
If I know my baby's poop schedule,
352
00:15:30,776 --> 00:15:33,210
she is just about finished.
353
00:15:33,212 --> 00:15:35,579
Look at these. How cute is this?
354
00:15:37,916 --> 00:15:39,282
Okay, here we go.
355
00:15:43,158 --> 00:15:44,752
_
356
00:15:44,763 --> 00:15:46,320
_
357
00:15:48,103 --> 00:15:50,771
_
358
00:15:51,230 --> 00:15:53,997
Thank you guys so much
for all the sweet messages.
359
00:15:53,999 --> 00:15:56,299
- Yay!
- Yay!
360
00:15:56,301 --> 00:15:59,269
I also saw the new butt video.
361
00:15:59,271 --> 00:16:02,139
Okay, the lady doth not protest,
though, so...
362
00:16:02,141 --> 00:16:04,541
They're good... They're good
pants for the... for the butt.
363
00:16:04,543 --> 00:16:05,642
Really good.
364
00:16:05,653 --> 00:16:07,412
_
365
00:16:08,680 --> 00:16:11,448
_
366
00:16:11,450 --> 00:16:14,084
It's crazy we never walked across
the Brooklyn Bridge together.
367
00:16:14,086 --> 00:16:15,218
One day...
368
00:16:15,220 --> 00:16:16,586
Look at it.
369
00:16:16,597 --> 00:16:18,840
_
370
00:16:22,027 --> 00:16:25,629
Dude! This is where the Titanic docked.
371
00:16:25,631 --> 00:16:27,311
Are you joking?
372
00:16:28,767 --> 00:16:30,734
I wasn't. I get... I see now.
373
00:16:30,736 --> 00:16:32,244
I mean, I just... I saw the movie.
374
00:16:32,255 --> 00:16:33,937
I just didn't remember.
375
00:16:33,939 --> 00:16:36,039
This is hard.
376
00:16:36,041 --> 00:16:38,275
Oh, I love you!
377
00:16:38,277 --> 00:16:40,644
Holy shit.
378
00:16:40,646 --> 00:16:42,279
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
379
00:16:45,484 --> 00:16:47,417
No!
380
00:16:47,419 --> 00:16:50,120
Oh, my God! This sucks!
381
00:16:50,122 --> 00:16:52,155
What are we gonna do? We can't stop now!
382
00:16:52,157 --> 00:16:53,824
- Use my phone.
- Oh, yeah.
383
00:16:56,862 --> 00:16:59,529
? Bet I'm gon kill it ?
384
00:16:59,531 --> 00:17:01,398
? Sittin' on a sceptre,
bet I'm gon kill it ?
385
00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:04,601
A little left, yeah.
386
00:17:04,603 --> 00:17:06,503
Lower. Yeah.
387
00:17:08,807 --> 00:17:10,941
Suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it.
388
00:17:10,943 --> 00:17:12,476
(BLEEP) you!
389
00:17:12,478 --> 00:17:16,112
Everybody's laughing at you,
you (BLEEP) clown!
390
00:17:21,458 --> 00:17:23,724
_
391
00:17:25,023 --> 00:17:27,858
? Go down, go down, go down ?
392
00:17:27,860 --> 00:17:30,694
? Yeah, let me see you
go to town, yeah ?
393
00:17:30,696 --> 00:17:33,496
? Go down, go down, go down ?
394
00:17:33,498 --> 00:17:38,134
? Yeah, yeah, if you're down,
boy, really down ?
395
00:17:38,136 --> 00:17:40,170
? Baby, let me watch you go to town ?
396
00:17:40,172 --> 00:17:42,472
? It's your one chance, baby, never or ?
397
00:17:42,474 --> 00:17:43,605
We did it!
398
00:17:43,616 --> 00:17:45,375
- We did it!
- We walked all of Manhattan,
399
00:17:45,377 --> 00:17:47,677
?from the tippity-top
to the tippity-bottom.
400
00:17:47,679 --> 00:17:49,655
Okay, Abbi, so, what's one thing
you did last year
401
00:17:49,666 --> 00:17:51,346
that you're proud of?
402
00:17:51,357 --> 00:17:53,250
What the (Bleep) dude?
403
00:17:53,252 --> 00:17:54,818
- Holy shit!
- Are you kidding me?
404
00:17:54,820 --> 00:17:58,054
If you think that I am
"cuckoo caca insahno,"
405
00:17:58,056 --> 00:18:00,357
then say it to my face.
406
00:18:00,359 --> 00:18:02,359
You're cuckoo caca insahno.
407
00:18:02,361 --> 00:18:04,947
Wait a second. Did you (BLEEP)
follow us down here?
408
00:18:04,958 --> 00:18:05,960
- Yes.
- How?
409
00:18:05,971 --> 00:18:07,531
You posted your location tags.
410
00:18:07,533 --> 00:18:08,711
- Dur. Dur, dur.
- Right.
411
00:18:08,722 --> 00:18:11,368
Running around the city
with your little foibles
412
00:18:11,370 --> 00:18:14,437
and your little mishaps and
your little shenanigans.
413
00:18:14,439 --> 00:18:16,106
Get over yourself!
414
00:18:16,108 --> 00:18:18,542
- Oh, I'm over myself.
- She hates herself.
415
00:18:18,544 --> 00:18:20,577
You're the one with
the perfect (BLEEP) life.
416
00:18:20,579 --> 00:18:23,246
You're always posting photos
of yourself on vacation,
417
00:18:23,248 --> 00:18:24,714
- on beaches and stuff.
- You're rich.
418
00:18:24,716 --> 00:18:27,017
And you're always at cupcake
and pizza parties!
419
00:18:27,019 --> 00:18:30,287
I never get to eat that stuff,
especially not in party format!
420
00:18:30,289 --> 00:18:33,924
And excuse me... four children
and look like this?
421
00:18:33,926 --> 00:18:35,258
- You look unbelievable.
- Yeah.
422
00:18:35,260 --> 00:18:37,661
You are literally woman magic.
423
00:18:37,663 --> 00:18:39,396
So (BLEEP) you.
424
00:18:42,134 --> 00:18:43,466
Thank you.
425
00:18:43,468 --> 00:18:44,834
But... no!
426
00:18:44,836 --> 00:18:46,403
No, I...
427
00:18:46,405 --> 00:18:47,938
I'm struggling.
428
00:18:47,940 --> 00:18:49,940
My tits are down to my knees.
429
00:18:49,942 --> 00:18:52,943
I sleep ?like 90 minutes a night.
430
00:18:52,945 --> 00:18:54,644
I am floundering!
431
00:18:57,249 --> 00:19:00,283
Okay, okay, okay. Uh, you're Cheese!
432
00:19:00,285 --> 00:19:02,452
You'll always be Cheese to me!
433
00:19:02,454 --> 00:19:04,988
And me, 'cause I don't know
your government name.
434
00:19:04,990 --> 00:19:06,122
It's Lindsey.
435
00:19:06,124 --> 00:19:07,624
- Lindsey.
- Oh, my God. Right.
436
00:19:07,626 --> 00:19:09,125
Thank you, you guys.
437
00:19:09,127 --> 00:19:10,593
Aww! Aww!
438
00:19:10,595 --> 00:19:12,896
God, social media is terrible.
439
00:19:14,633 --> 00:19:16,733
Oh (BLEEP) I got to go.
440
00:19:16,735 --> 00:19:17,934
I wish I could hang out, guys.
441
00:19:17,936 --> 00:19:19,035
- Yeah, us, too.
- I'm sorry.
442
00:19:19,037 --> 00:19:20,403
- Yeah.
- But next time.
443
00:19:20,405 --> 00:19:21,749
Jackson,
444
00:19:21,760 --> 00:19:24,741
get back in the (BLEEP) car!
445
00:19:24,743 --> 00:19:26,710
That sucks. To be her.
446
00:19:26,712 --> 00:19:28,011
- Jackson!
- Or Jackson.
447
00:19:28,013 --> 00:19:30,747
Okay, let's just see the damage.
448
00:19:30,749 --> 00:19:32,115
- Dude! God.
- Oh. You know what?
449
00:19:32,117 --> 00:19:34,484
It was already on its way, but...
450
00:19:34,486 --> 00:19:37,253
No, it's, um... Okay, it's not that bad.
451
00:19:37,255 --> 00:19:39,789
Look at your finger!
452
00:19:39,791 --> 00:19:41,624
It's fine.
453
00:19:41,626 --> 00:19:43,727
I have to get a new phone now.
454
00:19:43,729 --> 00:19:45,423
Just...
455
00:19:48,667 --> 00:19:51,468
It's stunning. It's gorgeous.
456
00:19:51,470 --> 00:19:53,870
- Jesus!
- Dude, we don't have a phone.
457
00:19:53,872 --> 00:19:55,472
We don't... We can't record this!
458
00:19:55,474 --> 00:19:58,375
No one's gonna believe
that we even saw this!
459
00:19:58,377 --> 00:19:59,976
I mean...
460
00:19:59,978 --> 00:20:02,345
I guess we could just experience it.
461
00:20:02,347 --> 00:20:03,813
Ew.
462
00:20:12,357 --> 00:20:15,225
That's cuckoo caca insahno,
but the good kind.
463
00:20:15,227 --> 00:20:17,527
- There's a good kind?
- Oh, yeah.
464
00:20:19,452 --> 00:20:22,019
Look at this. Can you believe her?
465
00:20:22,021 --> 00:20:23,854
- Looks pretty perfect.
- You know what, dude?
466
00:20:23,856 --> 00:20:26,857
I think I need to get off social media.
467
00:20:26,859 --> 00:20:28,359
It's over between us.
468
00:20:28,361 --> 00:20:29,760
Okay. Okay.
469
00:20:29,762 --> 00:20:31,996
Dude, me, too. Me, too, dude,
470
00:20:31,998 --> 00:20:36,167
because I don't really remember
any of the day.
471
00:20:36,169 --> 00:20:38,287
Yeah, I mean...
472
00:20:39,138 --> 00:20:40,938
Shit. It feels like
473
00:20:40,940 --> 00:20:43,140
because we were filming it,
474
00:20:43,142 --> 00:20:46,310
it's not even our story anymore.
475
00:20:46,312 --> 00:20:48,512
It's like Stories' stories.
476
00:20:48,514 --> 00:20:50,081
Yes.
477
00:20:52,418 --> 00:20:55,379
- Synced and corrected by Shazi89 -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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