Original subtitles

(theme music plays)

- Zoltan? - Yes, sir?

Are they coming?

They arrived at the airport an hour ago.

Then they'll be here soon...

to kill me.

Yes, sir.

We better get on with it.

They're coming, sir!

Hurry!

I'm ready.

I give it into your hands, Zoltan.

Do with it what must be done.

Goodbye, Zoltan.

Goodbye, sir.

(distant pounding)

I hear.

But too late, Zoltan. I've cheated them.

I've cheated them.

He's dead, Sidney.

Dead.

He can't be.

I didn't travel 4,000 miles to meet up with a dead man.

How dare he die before we had a chance to kill him?

I won't allow it!

Where is the Falcon dagger?

(doorbell rings)

- You John Steed? - Yes.

- I've got something for you. - For me?

Can I come in?

Of course.

Man: We are alone in this apartment, sir?

Steed: Just the two of us.

You said you had something for me.

Yes, sir.

This.

Just this?

No message?

No, sir.

Only that it was my master's dying wish

that you should inherit the piece.

Who is your...

I mean, who was your master?

He wished to remain anonymous.

- Did I know him? - He wished to remain anonymous.

- But surely you can give me... - Anonymous.

And now, sir, if you'll excuse me,

I have much to do.

I hope, sir, that the dagger

will bring you all the things my master wished for you.

(engine starts)

Sidney: Hurry, Humbert! Hurry!

I'm... doing my best, Sidney.

The fates are against us. A flat tire, now. Now!

This delay is giving our competitors

too great an advantage.

Even now they may be already seeking out the man Steed.

Even now they may be gathering like jackals.

Hurry, Humbert! Hurry!

Contact.

Chocks away.

(motor popping)

(doorbell rings)

- Tara! - I can't stay.

I've just dropped in to have a drink between parties.

Between parties?

Yes, just come from one. Got another four to go to.

- I thought you didn't like parties. - Oh, I don't, really.

That's why I'm trying to get them all in one evening.

Are you having a good time so far?

Mm, delightful.

I've met three princes, eight lords,

14 baronets, 21 viscounts.

A veritable posse of peers.

Mm, I danced with them all.

I just wish you'd been there.

Steed: That's a very nice thought.

I am rather busy. I gotta get this plane flying.

Aren't you a little young for that sort of thing?

It's for my nephew's tenth birthday.

- Oh, when's that? - Three years ago.

The instructions are very hard to follow.

New, isn't it?

They say it takes a six-year-old four hours to do one of these.

- Yes, I got it tonight. - It's nice.

A request from an unknown benefactor.

Valuable.

I shouldn't think so.

I think it looks a bit Chinese.

It doesn't say Chinese to me.

I'll check on it.

Weren't you going to have another drink?

Oh, no, I can't.

I got to dash off and change for another party.

Goodnight.

Have a good party.

Back to the drawing board.

- Ready, Humbert? - Ready.

Then get moving!

Lumbago?

Won't you join me?

It is, uh, poisoned.

Poisoned? Certainly not.

Poison would destroy the bouquet.

I'll introduce myself. I Gorky.

Me Steed.

(chuckles)

You know, I'm liking your style, Steed.

Knows good. I drink to you.

(speaks foreign language)

Thank you. I'll get you another.

There you are.

(speaks foreign language)

Old Gorky's enjoying hospitality.

I am glad.

You know, Mr. Steed, you are seeming

a man of great reasonableness.

Therefore, I'm not beating about the trees.

Well, that's very decent of you.

I'll give you $500,000, Mr. Steed.

Well, that more than covers the cost of two broken glasses.

- (glass shatters) - Have another.

Thankings you. (speaks foreign language)

- (glass shatters) - And now to business.

Half a million dollars, how are you saying to that?

What's that in guineas?

All right, all right. So you making bargains, huh?

(clears throat)

I'll give you three quarters of a million.

But this is my final offer.

I will not move from that figure.

- It's very generous of you. - Say... say nothing.

So you are playing cunning fox, huh?

(chuckles)

But you are too clever for old Gorky.

But old Gorky is a good loser.

Old Gorky knows when old Gorky is beaten.

$1,000,000.

That's a great deal of money.

Steed, you're driving the hard bargain.

But old Gorky laugh a little,

and old Gorky cry a little and give you a check.

You will accept a check, no?

Mr. Gorky, I have nothing to...

Steed, I will be pushed no further!

- One million yes or no?! - No.

No! (Scoffs)

Old Gorky does not forgive easily.

You will live to regret that you did not accept my offer.

For I shall have it, Steed! It will be mine.

I warn you, Steed...

Old Gorky makes an ugly enemy.

Frankly, old Gorky would make an equally ugly friend.

It's all right. You'll be all right.

I'll get a doctor here.

(grunts) There's no time.

Old Gorky is going.

Nonsense.

Soon old Gorky will be in that great country in the sky.

Please, final wish.

What's that?

Final glass of champagne.

(door closes)

You... you are a good man, old Steed.

Old Gorky give you advice.

Get rid of it

or else they kill you also.

Get rid of what?

Gorky. Old Gorky.

Dr. Winter? Oh, it's Steed.

Can you come around here right away?

Yes, it is urgent.

Very urgent.

Thank you.

Hello, Ho Lung. How are you?

Good evening!

And now, ah, you want laundry?

You want curious, oriental artifacts?

No, neither.

I want a professional opinion about something I've got.

Ah so, we got plenty stock.

- We not buying. - Me not selling.

I just want to show you this and ask you

if you think it's of Chinese origin.

Ah, most likely made in the province of...

Where you... get this, missy?

It belongs to a friend of mine. Do you think it is Chinese?

Perhaps.

It is only worthless trinket.

- Oh. - But...

I will find out.

Have book of all knowledge back room.

You stay please.

(English accent) Hello, Roger.

Yeah, it's me.

Tell me, are you still interested

in the Dagger of a Thousand Deaths?

Yes, the Falcon dagger.

Yes, yes, I'm sure.

A girl brought it to me.

Yes.

Yes, I'll keep her here.

(approaching footsteps)

- Dr. Winter? - Yes.

Oh, good.

Mr. Steed, Dr. Winter asked me to call.

I am his assistant.

I'm pleased to see you. Do come in.

He's over there.

Hot water, lots of it.

Do you want something, doctor?

Just a place to put my hat.

Don't you want to examine the patient?

Ah... the patient.

Examine him, y-yes.

Well?

What symptoms did he exhibit before he collapsed?

Don't the bullet holes in his coat

give you the teeniest clue?

Bullet holes? Ah, yes.

This man has been shot, Mr. Steed.

- That's right, doctor. - Never mind.

We can work wonders today. Soon have him up and about.

This man is dead, doctor.

He will not be alone.

Don't move. I've got you covered.

- With a stethoscope? - Don't move again.

Who are you?

Where is it?

Where is what?

Do not play games with me, Steed.

I know it is here somewhere.

Otherwise, you would not have shot old Gorky.

He came to get it and failed. I shall not.

Just what is it you're looking for?

I'm asking you for the last time.

Where is it?

I clearly have no alternative. I'll get it for you.

(rapid gunfire)

(tea kettle whistles)

I've got a feeling it's gonna be one of those days.

Listen, you've been very kind, but it's awfully late,

- and I must go. - No, no, missy.

You stay, I'll make you jasmine tea.

Very good. Make tea for yourself.

- But I've got to go. - Five minute more, missy!

Now you get home and see a doctor, doctor.

- Goodnight. - Goodnight.

Up there.

Up there is the thing

for which we've been searching for so long.

We're near it now. I feel it.

- I smell it. - Sidney.

All around, like the perfume

from some rare and exotic blossom

comes the sweet smell of success.

- Sidney. - Victory is near.

We're about to reach out and grasp it,

to take that delicate blossom in our hands

and crush its petals

to inhale the perfume of triumph!

- Sidney! - Don't crush the fabric.

What is it?

When I kill him, how do you want it done?

We're not going to kill him, Humbert.

I've be making some inquiries about this man Steed.

Violence is no use.

Subtlety is what is needed. Subtlety.

But after we've been subtle, then can I kill him?

Have I have ever broken a promise to you?

Frequently.

Only in matters beyond my control.

Come. We have work to do.

Bah!

What a collection.

(doorbell rings)

Ah, Mr. Steed. May I introduce myself?

Sidney Street, esquire.

My colleague, Humbert Green.

How do you do?

May we talk with you, sir, a matter of some delicacy?

Oh, matters of delicacy always appeal to me.

- Won't you come in? - Thank you, sir. Thank you.

Excuse the mess, it's been a busy evening.

Can I get you a drink?

A little quinine water, if you please, sir.

Legacy from a lifetime in the tropics.

- How about you? - Nothing, thank you.

I may have to operate later.

Are you a surgeon?

It's just a hobby with me.

Those shoes, it's got a bit...

Judging by the look of them, he's had some hard times.

He's had hard times.

Who else is under there?

Oppenheimer and old Gorky.

Slattery, Oppenheimer, Gorky.

We may have underestimated Steed.

He could be dangerous. Ah, thank you, sir.

Thank you.

You mentioned a matter of, uh...

Delicacy, sir. Delicacy.

You've recently come into possession

of a knife, a dagger?

That's true.

You know something about it?

Oh, I do, sir. Indeed I do that.

That worthless trinket was once the property of my Aunt Emilia,

rest her soul.

- She's dead? - I hope so, sir.

She's been buried some years. (Laughs)

Forgive the levity, sir.

A small jest to lighten the burden

of the tale I have to tell.

- About the dagger? - Quite so, sir, quite so.

So after my aunt's death,

her few paltry possessions were sold.

The dagger, a trivial piece, was passed from hand to hand.

It's taken me many years to trace it.

Does it have some special significance?

It does, sir. It certainly does.

That dagger holds a wealth of childhood memories for me.

(sighs)

Picture if you can...

a small boy...

clutched in his innocent hand

his savings, a single shilling.

Yes?

Did he want ice cream?

Did you want candy?

No, sir.

He wanted really to buy for that dear

silver-haired old lady a small gift.

And there she was lying in her bed of pain.

How touching.

The angelic child took his shilling

and purchased the dagger.

And, his golden locks streaming in the wind,

he ran to his aunt

clutching the dagger in his hand...

He stabbed her.

He puts it on the bedside table.

Her old eyes filled with tears.

And she smiled a little smile.

That worthless geegaw, that valueless knickknack

became her most-loved possession.

And do you know, sir, who that little boy was?

You.

Ah, you're obviously a man of considerable perception, sir.

So call me a sentimental old man if you like,

but to me, that dagger is a treasure house

of memory, a repository of boyhood dreams,

a remembrance of a fine and selfless woman.

And you'd like to have it back?

It would make an old man very happy.

Mr. Street, your story is very moving.

I'd be delighted to give it to you.

Generous, sir, most generous.

Unfortunately, I no longer have it.

I gave it to a friend.

The name, sir.

The name of your friend.

And if you do recall the name of your friend...

I'll advise you.

Thank you, sir. Thank you.

She must have been a very wonderful woman, Sidney.

- Who? - Your aunt.

Get out. (Growls)

Bodies.

Dagger.

Tara.

(telephone ringing)

Tara!

I was just going to change.

(man groans)

Exactly how many people have been killed

since you've had this thing?

Three.

Four.

Well, obviously, there must be some connection.

Obviously.

Not yet.

But, uh, Sidney, you said I could...

Subtlety, Humbert. Subtlety.

We wait.

They must have followed me here.

Do you know them?

Dagger fanciest.

Then this little thing is behind it all.

And that man in the curio shop who was trying to delay me,

He knew much more than he was saying.

And there's two down there.

We've waited long enough.

Long enough.

I think I better go back there.

I think we both ought to go back.

(door buzzer buzzes)

- Back way? - The back way.

Inferior type of assassin.

They just don't make them like they used to.

It's the age of the amateur.

No pride in that craft.

Better find out who he is.

Would you mind?

Not at all.

(clang)

Thank you.

Find something?

He seems to know a Dickens.

A lot of people called Dickens.

- This way, Humbert! - (glass shattering)

Shall we go?

This way, Humbert!

(car engine starts)

(car departs)

It's Kosher Klaus.

Kosher? I met Kosher,

A barbarian, the kind of man who brings

the art of murder to disrepute.

- It's criminal. - What now, Sidney?

After them, Humbert. After them.

Where are we going?

Where indeed.

Philosophers have asked that question for a thousand years.

Quo vadis, whither goest thou?

Man's eternal search for his destiny.

You may well ask, "Where are we going?"

Where are we going?

Turn left, next lights.

(sighs)

Steed?

Mm-hmm?

I think we're being followed.

By whom?

By just about everybody.

Want me to lose them?

Would you?

Where now?

Back down there, first left.

Ah.

- Hasn't changed a bit. - You've been here before?

I've spent most of my childhood playing here,

cowboys and Indians, doctors and nurses.

Steed.

Running through the shrubbery,

whooping and jumping, climbing, falling.

- The tree house. - The dagger.

Ah.

Don't you think you ought to find out who left it to you?

Mmm.

Well, who actually gave it to you?

- Zoltan the terrible. - Who?

A wrestler, 400 fights, he lost them all.

No wonder they called him terrible.

Ah! Harry the dragon.

- Perfect. - Quite.

I'm off to the curio shop. What are you going to do?

Consulting with Dickens, Dickens,

Dickens & Dickens.

Man: Come in.

Afternoon.

Good afternoon, young gentleman.

I should like to see Mr. Dickens.

Mr. Dickens passed away some 50 years ago.

Oh, dear, nothing serious I hope.

And how about Mr. Dickens?

Gone I'm afraid. Gone, gone, gone.

But not forgotten, I'm sure. And Mr. Dickens?

In that case, I should like to have a word with Mr...

Dickens.

At your service.

My name is Steed, John Steed.

I wonder if you have any record of a bequest for me,

a fairly recent will.

Steed?

Steed?

Do you have the name of your benefactor?

(chuckles) Unfortunately not.

The inheritance came anonymously.

Perhaps you'd care to be seated.

It may take a little time, young gentleman.

Atten-hut!

Allow me to introduce myself.

Baron Von Orlak.

Winkler?

Release her.

Ho Lung, lock the doors.

And now, my dear Frauline King,

to business.

Last night you came here with a certain article.

I sent my man Gregor to... relieve you of it.

As he has not returned, I must assume he has failed.

He's dead.

A very feeble excuse for failure.

However, you have the Falcon dagger.

I want it.

Well, you're not going to get it.

I like a woman with courage.

And believe me, Frauline King,

you will need every ounce of courage you possess

to resist my persuasion.

You're wasting your time.

(exhales sharply) We have ways of finding out.

Prepare her.

Steed...

yes, of course!

Oh, silly old me.

John Steed!

Yes, that's right.

3 Stable Mews in the county of London.

That's right.

Of course, of course.

Oh, we'll soon have this solved.

Steed, yes.

Aah!

Welcome back, Frauline King.

We are now ready to discuss the whereabouts

of the Falcon dagger.

I don't know where the dagger is.

Come now, let us not play games.

What is it about this dagger?

Why does everyone want it?

Greed, Frauline King.

When it was known that your friend Steed

had inherited the knife,

men gathered like birds of carrion

from the four corners of the earth,

avid, covetous, rapacious,

all desperate to own that cursed blade.

What do you mean cursed?

It brought death to all who have owned it.

Then why would anyone want it?

(exhales sharply)

I have talked enough.

Now it is your turn.

Where is the Falcon dagger?

I told you. I don't know.

You give me no alternative.

Ho Lung, the Chinese water torture.

You will talk... eventually.

Where is it, Frauline King?

Where is the Falcon dagger?

No.

It is quite simple to put an end to this.

Just tell me what I wish to know.

Sidney: Good evening.

Chinese water torture?

Interesting but a trifle archaic,

don't you think, Humbert?

Have no fear, madam.

These gentlemen will do you no further harm.

Listen, we could pool our knowledge and resources.

Associate with a rogue like you?

Never, sir. Humbert.

You... You will regret this!

I promise you, you will regret this!

Ah.

Now, madam...

I don't know who you are, sir, but thank you very much.

A few more minutes of that

and I would have told them everything they wanted to know.

Mmm. Now, madam.

Tell me.

Now, child.

The dagger.

It's... over there.

There's another form of Chinese torture, Mr. Street,

equally effective.

(laughing)

Now it's your turn to tell me all you know about the dagger.

(laughing) Oh, please, madam! Desist!

Not till you start talking.

It's a key! It's a key!

To a vast fortune, a hidden treasure.

- What do you mean key? - (laughs)

Oh, oh! Nobody knows! Oh!

But legend has it that the dagger will show

where the treasure is hidden. (Laughs)

And who gave the dagger to Steed?

Henley Farrer?

I wish you wouldn't do that sort of thing.

Excuse me.

It's my overdeveloped sense of the dramatic.

What are you doing here anyway?

Paying my last respects to my unknown benefactor,

Henley Farrer.

An old friend?

Quite the reverse, an old enemy.

Looks well, doesn't he?

If he's an old enemy,

why do you think he left you a fortune?

Fortune?

That's why I'm here.

I found out the truth about this from Sidney Street.

He told you voluntarily?

He was tickled pink.

This is the key to a buried treasure.

Treasure?

Do you believe it?

And obviously a lot of people with knives and guns

and bombs would take it very seriously indeed.

Why do you think Farrer left it to you?

Do you think he had a twinge of conscience,

tried to make up for the past?

Not Farrer.

He was a liar, a thief, a cheat,

a cold-blooded murderer.

Don't move.

What is it?

Something on your back.

A spider?

A pattern.

Look.

(Sidney coughs)

Oh, please, forgive me for, uh, disturbing you

but do carry on digging.

We, the interested parties,

have formed a consortium.

Unity, strength.

But please do...

continue digging.

Yes, of course.

When we have found what we're seeking,

you will continue to dig a hole,

just large enough and deep enough

to contain two people.

What are we looking for?

A pearl, sir.

A pearl of great price,

a monstrous pearl black as night,

and spawned up by some gigantic mollusk

before time began,

the largest,

the most priceless pearl on Earth.

Is this what you're looking for?

For 20 years I've sought it

from the teeming waterfront of Hong Kong

to the evil alleyways of Morocco.

And now, at last, it's within my grasp.

Open it. Open the box, sir.

It's empty.

Good evening, gentlemen, Steed, Miss King.

I'm so glad you could all come.

You're alive.

I was never dead.

A drug that simulates death, I'd imagine.

As always, Steed, you're perfectly correct.

Perhaps you'd care to drop your gun, Mr. Street.

It might be advisable.

So you're all here.

You planned this, sir. Why?

When I found the pearl,

I knew that you would seek me out,

and never rest until you found me and killed me.

You made it known that I'd inherited the dagger.

Then when the others came out into the open...

Zoltan killed them or they killed one another.

And now it only remains for me to thank you all

for coming and to bid you goodbye.

We got it, Sidney!

Now we can have some nice warm clothes at last!

New shoes for you and a new thumb screw for me.

Where's the big one, huh?

This is the big one.

I thought everyone knew.

Pearls dissolve in wine. Never mind.

Makes a very nice tie pin.

I was going to be disgustingly,

filthily, decadently rich.

A yacht, a mansion, women...

Wine.

Don't remind me.

(clears throat)

Been very nice meeting you, sir, madam.

At least we're leaving things as we found them.

Come, Humbert.

Surely there's something else we could steal, huh?

There comes to mind a certain bird, a statuette,

Maltese I believe, belonging to some brothers.

Would you care to join me...

in the world's most expensive drink?

Cheers.

- Steed, I got a... - Shh!

What's the matter?

Groget pins left to me.

Oh, no, not another bequest.

It's more serious than that.

Do you know, I discovered what was wrong?

The groget pins should have been on the left,

and they're actually on the right.

I see.

Well, a misplaced groget pin,

even the Wright Brothers would have been confused by that.

Well, what do you think the problem was?

Did you had the plans upside down?

Wrong plans altogether.

If I'd gone one with these, I would've ended up

with a jumbo jet.

Oh! But is it all right now?

Right.

Now to use an old-fashioned phrase,

She's off on her maiden flight.

- Can I help? - No, solo flight!

- Stand clear. - Oh, standing clear.

Ah, she's going great now.

It all depends on the grogets, you see.

The last of the few.

Never mind.

To the first of the many.

Very thoughtful of you.

(theme music plays)