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( COUGHING )

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

Ian, please! Just calm down!

He did not know I took the car. He'll be absolutely fucking furious!

Your dad doesn't have to find out, we can come back and get it tomorrow, when we have the keys.

Fuck!

Don't even think for half-a-second that you're going to break open that car, mate!

Just get out of my face!

What are you fucking looking at?

Stop looking at my girlfriend, midget. -Ian, please!

You want to fuckie fuckie that? No way in hell!

'Cause let me tell you that there's only one guy that fucks her,

and I fuck her real good.

So go home and fuck mum now, you demented dwarf.

-Aaah! Hmm hmmm hmmm!

No, please! ( SHE SCREAMS ) ( HE CONTINUES IN PAIN )

( GIRL ): No!

No, please!

Please! ( CONTINUES CRYING )

No-ooo! ( CRYING )

No, please, please, please!--

Ian!

( COUGHING )

( INHALER )

( WHEEZING )

( WHEEZING AND COUGHING )

( INHALER )

( NO SOUND TO THE MONITOR SCREEN )

( GIRL WHIMPERING )

Hey, I hope you're not time-wasting, you.

I got a dozen people waiting to look at this place.

Most of them paying cash as well. You got cash?

'Right. The light switch is somewhere here, I think.

( INHALER )

Hey, come on, let's get this fuckin' lease signed, eh?

( CELL PHONE RINGS )

( TONES OF DIALING )

Hi, this is Mark, from U.S.A. Actor's Management,

regarding your audition requests for our clients,

Miss Williams and Mr. Kitamura from Human Centipede.

They're not available for the auditions in London right now,

because they're shooting a movie. But thank you for the interest,

maybe we can do something in the future. Goodbye.

( BABY CRYING )

( BABY CONTINUES CRYING )

Stop them tears.

You're just making daddy's willy harder.

( BABY STILL CRYING )

( FLIES BUZZING ) ( SNIFF SNIFF )

Oh, my God!

Have you shit yourself again?

You swine!

I called Dr.Sebring and he's waiting.

Get up!

( YAWNS )

( FLIES BUZZING )

( SIGHS )

Hello Martin!

( MOANS OF PLEASURE )

Eeee! Eee-ee-eee!

Mmm, Mmmh.

Mmmh.

Martin!

Come and join us.

Well--

Martin, I have your Ventolin.

Eh--

Martin, I'm here today because your mother is very worried about you.

He keeps on talking about a centipede...

with 12 people!

What does that mean?

Now, let's see....

The centipede can be considered a phallic symbol.

Centipedes are very aggressive creatures.

Their bite can be very painful.

Maybe he connecting

the pain that a centipede inflicts

with the pain inflicted on him

through years of psychological and sexual abuse by his father.

I miss my husband.

And it's your fault that he's in prison.

Sometimes, people that are mentally challenged

and have a history of sexual abuse

mutilate their own sexual organs.

I'm sorry, I'm going to have to go.

There's nothing to worry about.

I'm sure it's just a passing phase.

Mmmh? ( CHUCKLES )

Martin--

Ah, you're a good boy. ( LAUGHS )

Misses Lomax.

( LOUD BOOM OF MUSIC FROM UPSTARS )

I've decided to kill us both.

This music is driving me crazy.

I can't stand this anymore!

( KNOCK AT DOOR )

He can't stand it anymore.

Come on, tell him. Be a man, like your father!

Stop fucking bothering me, you retard.

I'll play my fucking music as loud as I fucking want, OK?

Kill us both, I'm begging you!

Shut your fucking mouth you old cunt.

What the fuck?

Ah! Ah, haw huh huh huh--

I'm gonna play my music so fucking loud,

it's going to make your fucking ears bleed. You cocksucking dwarf!

Next time you bang on that fucking ceiling,

I ought �a come down and break your fucking neck!

You fucking, you cocksucker!

You won't fucking bang on the fucking ceiling

any fucking more, OK?

You cocksucking retard! ( SPITS )

The lips from B and C

and the anus of A and B

are cut circular

along the border between skin and mucosa:

the mucous-cutaneous zone. ( FEMALE CRYING IN BACKGROUND )

Connecting the circular mucosa and skin parts of anus and mouth ( CRYING CONTINUES )

from A to B and B to C.

Connecting the pedicelated grafts

to the chin cheek incisions from A to B.

Connected....

Ingestion by A...

passing through B...

...to the excretion of C. ( VOMITING IN BACKGROUND )

A human centipede.

( CRYING IN BACKGROUND )

( MALE SCREAM IN BACKGROUND )

Will you give me a high-five when we get there?

( BABY CRYING )

( SQUEAL OF TIRES )

( WOMAN SCREAMING ) (BABY CRYING )

Ah-oh-oh-ah--

( WOMAN SCREAMING )

( BABY CRYING )

( WOMAN PANTING )

( BABY CRYING ) ( MARTING COOING IN CONSOLATION )

( INHALER )

( WEAK VOICES MUFFLED IN BACKGROUND )

( VOICES CONTINUE )

Yeah, come up. come up. Aw, Ja!

Yeah.

There we go. Yeah! I did it!

Ah, ha-ha-ha!

( JAPANESE ) Do you really think you're God?

( JAPANESE) Make it all go away, please.

Uh...ah... Aaah!

Whoo! -Why do these stupid things never work?

Mmm mmm mmmh!

( CELL PHONE RINGS )

Oh, Valerie, it's that guy from the club!

Oh! Ugh, ugh--

Somebody's answered! -Shh!

There's--

( LAUGHING ) Hey, there's a midget wanking in there.

You're drunk! - No, seriously!

( CRYING AND MUFFLED STRUGGLING )

( WHEEZING )

( INHALER )

( CELL PHONE RINGING )

( CELL PHONE CONTINUES RINGING )

( RINGING STOPS )

( DIALING TONES )

Hi, this is Ariane, from Creative Acting Account Management.

You called us with an audition request

for our client, actress Ashlynn Yennie from the Human Centipede.

I just spoke to Miss Yennie and she is very, very excited

and available to fly to London to audition the new Tarantino film.

Would you please contact me a.s.a.p. on my cell phone: 713-499-0913. Thanks. Bye-bye.

I get it!

It's a film!

The Human Centipede is a fucking film!

( SOB ) He's gonna stitch us up.

He's gonna stitch us up ass to mouth.

( CRIES AND COMMOTION ) -Help me! -Help! -Aaah! -Help!

Stop them tears! You're just making Daddy's willy harder.

What is this?

A 100% medically accurate?

Mouth to anus?

One digestive system?

( MARTIN CRYING )

Is this a perverted film you've been talking about?

I want all this filth out of my house!

( SCREAMS )

( CRYING AND SCREAMING )

( CRYING CONTINUES )

( CRYING STOPS )

( YELLS WITH EACH BLOW )

( CRYING THEN COUGHING )

( MUSIC UPSTAIRS BEGINS )

Fuck!

( SCREAMS )

Don't-- Fucking-- ( SCREAMS )

( LOUD MUSIC FROM UPSTAIRS CONTINUES )

( COUGHING )

( INHALER )

Swallow it, bitch. Swallow!

( DIARRHEA )

Feed her! Feed her!

( CRIES FROM FILM CONTINUE )

That was fucking sensational!

Ah, and you know what?

Your pussy smells gorgeous.

How you doing, Doc?

Ah! Ah!

Oh, I'd rather fuck that retarded boy, but...

...this'll do.

I know a place in Thailand where they specialize in that sort of thing.

( LAUGHS ) ( SNIFFS ) Oh, yeah!

Oh yeah, she's a good one.

How much to fuck you up the ass, Darlin'?

Mmmh. Mmmh.

For you, Darlin' ...50.

Jesus! Who the fuck are you?

What the fuck have you done to yourself?

That's right! Have a good stare.

Have a good fucking stare, you little fucking pervert.

Fuck off now!

Before Daddy's come and smacks your fucking face in!

( CANDY SCREAMS )

( CONTINUES SCREAMING )

No, please. Please!

Martin?

( LAUGHS )

It's me, Dr. Sebring.

So... this is where you work?

This isn't right, Martin.

What you're doing, it's wrong.

Martin. I can help.

But you have to put the gun down.

Imagine what your father would say.

( MOANING )

Martin! Martin, no, no, Martin!

( COOING AT BABY )

( COUGHING )

( INHALER )

( CANDY CRYING )

Please!

I'll do anything you want.

Please!

I won't tell. I won't tell no one, Love.

You fuck! You fucking son of a bitch!

Somebody help me!

( CELL PHONE RINGS )

( DIALING TONES )

Hi Martin, this is Ariane, Miss Yenni's manager.

I wanted to confirm that Miss Yenni is not delayed,

and will be landing this morning on London's Heathrow Airport at 6:00 a.m., your time.

I understand your driver will be picking her up.

I hope she does a great audition. Thanks, thanks a lot. Bye-bye.

God, I cannot believe I am here

auditioning for a Quentin Tarantino film.

My agents are so excited about this.

I should probably call them, tell them I've landed

and you know, on my way.

( COUGHING )

Have you seen The Human Centipede?

I was really drawn to the film because of the medical aspect it.

If you were a surgeon, you could actually perform that surgery.

It's just so scary.

It was so grueling being on all-fours.

So, I demanded in my contract

that I had to have an hour-long massage every night.

I mean, why would I not demand that in my contract?

Oh, and the rest of the cast, we all took showers

before we shot the centipede stuff.

Because, I mean, you're close to someone's butt

and you don't want to smell anything, or, you know, whatever.

I'm kind of a germophobe.

and--

( COUGHING )

Uh--

Oh! That must be Quentin's car.

( SIGHS ) Do you have an umbrella? Because, this rain will ruin my hair.

Okay.

Oh!

( MUFFLED CRIES FROM DIFFERENT PEOPLE )

( GAGGED WOMAN SCREAMS )

( TORMENTED SOUNDS CONTINUE... )

( PAUL SCREAMS )

( MARTIN CRYING )

( LABORED BREATHING )

( COUGHING )

( INHALER )

( PHANTASMAGORIC MUSIC... )

Please! Please!

Please don't hurt me!

Please! (CRYING ) I'll do everything-- ( CRYING )

( ASHLYNN SCREAMS )

( CELL PHONE RINGS )

( ASHLYNN CONTINUES SCREAMING... )

( DIALING TONES )

Hello, this is Mark from U.S.A. Actor's Management again.

Please disregard my earlier message. Ah, fortunately, Miss Williams and Mr. Kitamura

were able to reschedule and they're really, really excited

to come to London to audition for Mr. Tarantino's audition.

I hope it's still possible. I'm totally confident that they're going to do very well on this.

So, please-- call me back as soon as possible at this number, to confirm.

Thanks very, very much. Talk to you soon. Goodbye

( ONGOING SCREAMS FROM ASHLYNN)

( MARTIN STRAINING )

( MARTIN 'RASPBERRIES' WITH EACH SQUEEZE )

( MARTIN 'RASPBERRIES' WITH EACH SQUEEZE CONTINUES )

( MARTIN MAKING INTERMITTENT 'RASPBERRIES' SOUND )

Eh! Aaah!

Rah!

( STOMACH GURGGLING )

( DIARRHEA )

( MARTIN LAUGHING ALOUD )

( MARTIN RETCHING )

( RACHEL SCREAMING )

( RACHEL CONTINUES SCREAMING )

( RACHEL CONTINUES SCREAMING )

( CAR STALLED )

( CAR CONTINUES STALLED )

( MARTIN ): Ah! Eh! Eh! Eh!

( RACHEL SCREAMS AND PANTS )

( CHILD WEAKLY CRYING )

( CAR STARTS )

( MARTIN SEETHING )

(COUGHING )

( ASHLYNN WHIMPERING )

( MARTIN WHIMPERING )

( MARTIN SCREAMS )

( MARTIN'S SCREAMS INCREASE )

( MARTIN SCREAMS IN PAIN )

( RETREATING FOOTSTEPS) ( DOOR OPENS )

( DOOR CLOSES )

( MOTOR OF CAR LEAVING )

( CRYING FROM FILM ON COMPUTER MONITOR )

( BABY CRYING IN DISTANCE AND ECHOING THROUGH THE GARAGE.... )