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1
00:00:55,415 --> 00:00:59,010
I got the ice. Haven't you finished
the hors d'oeuvres yet?
2
00:00:59,086 --> 00:01:01,554
- I'm doing the celery sticks.
- [giggles]
3
00:01:01,622 --> 00:01:03,556
Did you finish the decorations?
4
00:01:03,624 --> 00:01:06,286
No, not yet. I kinda got sidetracked.
5
00:01:06,360 --> 00:01:08,351
Look! [laughs]
6
00:01:09,429 --> 00:01:12,421
This is what you've been doing
for 45 minutes?
7
00:01:12,499 --> 00:01:15,332
Uh-huh. Isn't he cute?
I call him Scotty.
8
00:01:15,402 --> 00:01:16,733
[pops]
9
00:01:21,375 --> 00:01:23,366
Now you can call him garbage.
10
00:01:24,911 --> 00:01:27,277
Help Blanche with the hors d'oeuvres.
11
00:01:27,347 --> 00:01:29,872
What time's the birthday girl
getting here?
12
00:01:29,950 --> 00:01:31,884
Roberta will be here at two.
13
00:01:31,952 --> 00:01:35,444
- Does she suspect anything?
- Please! The woman is 88.
14
00:01:35,522 --> 00:01:38,514
She still tries to find Gunsmoke
on Sunday nights.
15
00:01:39,726 --> 00:01:42,661
Dorothy, get the cake
and we'll take these in.
16
00:01:42,729 --> 00:01:44,697
Good idea. Wait, where's the cake?
17
00:01:44,765 --> 00:01:48,360
- Rose, did you take it?
- I haven't even seen it yet.
18
00:01:48,435 --> 00:01:51,700
- Ma, where's the cake?
- I haven't seen it yet, either.
19
00:01:51,772 --> 00:01:55,572
What do you mean?
You were supposed to bake it!
20
00:01:56,309 --> 00:01:58,243
I was?
21
00:01:58,311 --> 00:02:00,973
- Oh, Ma! You forgot!
- I didn't forget.
22
00:02:01,048 --> 00:02:04,313
I wanted it to be fresh.
I'll bake it now.
23
00:02:04,384 --> 00:02:07,979
Roberta will be here in 45 minutes.
You don't have time.
24
00:02:08,055 --> 00:02:12,321
45 minutes? I can bake two cakes
and knit you a sweater!
25
00:02:12,392 --> 00:02:15,486
Out of my way.
The maestro approaches the podium.
26
00:02:16,496 --> 00:02:18,760
Gee, I hope Sophia finishes in time.
27
00:02:18,832 --> 00:02:22,097
You can't give a good birthday party
without a cake.
28
00:02:22,169 --> 00:02:26,105
I recall a party with three cakes
that was not so terrific.
29
00:02:26,173 --> 00:02:27,197
Three?
30
00:02:27,274 --> 00:02:30,675
Rose had planned
a surprise birthday party for me.
31
00:02:30,744 --> 00:02:33,110
You were still living at Shady Pines.
32
00:02:33,180 --> 00:02:36,274
You mean the home.
Say it, Dorothy. The home.
33
00:02:37,317 --> 00:02:41,947
Anyway, Rose had planned
this surprise birthday party for me.
34
00:02:42,022 --> 00:02:46,288
I'll never forget it. I've never had
such a surprise in my life.
35
00:02:46,359 --> 00:02:50,887
? Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
36
00:02:50,964 --> 00:02:53,296
? Happy birthday boys and girls
37
00:02:53,366 --> 00:02:55,926
? Happy birthday to you ?
38
00:02:56,002 --> 00:02:59,494
Welcome to Mr. Ha Ha's
Hot Dog Hacienda!
39
00:02:59,573 --> 00:03:01,564
[cheering]
40
00:03:03,110 --> 00:03:05,874
I have lots of fun planned for you.
41
00:03:05,946 --> 00:03:09,211
But finish your Mr. Ha Ha dog
first because...
42
00:03:09,282 --> 00:03:11,876
? A Ha Ha dog is fun to eat
43
00:03:11,952 --> 00:03:14,512
? A Ha Ha dog is really neat
44
00:03:14,588 --> 00:03:17,557
? A Ha Ha dog
is a great big treat
45
00:03:17,624 --> 00:03:20,559
? And it's only $ 1.79
without a beverage ?
46
00:03:20,627 --> 00:03:22,561
Wooh! See you soon, kids!
47
00:03:22,629 --> 00:03:24,597
[cheering]
48
00:03:24,664 --> 00:03:26,655
Isn't this fun? [giggles]
49
00:03:27,701 --> 00:03:31,159
Dorothy, you haven't even touched
your Mr. Ha Ha dog.
50
00:03:31,238 --> 00:03:33,229
- You're right.
- [splat]
51
00:03:38,044 --> 00:03:40,035
There, I touched it.
52
00:03:40,914 --> 00:03:43,576
You're not having any fun,
are you, Dorothy?
53
00:03:43,650 --> 00:03:46,175
Am I that transparent?
54
00:03:47,320 --> 00:03:51,313
You're the one who always complains
that her birthday parties are boring.
55
00:03:51,391 --> 00:03:55,384
When I saw Mr. Ha Ha's on TV,
it looked like fun.
56
00:03:55,462 --> 00:03:57,396
For a five-year-old, Rose.
57
00:03:57,464 --> 00:03:59,455
Or someone who thinks like one!
58
00:04:01,368 --> 00:04:04,098
- I've ruined your birthday.
- Oh, no, you haven't.
59
00:04:04,171 --> 00:04:06,435
- You haven't ruined it.
- Yes, I have.
60
00:04:06,506 --> 00:04:09,737
I'm a big dope. You must hate me.
61
00:04:09,810 --> 00:04:13,109
Oh, honey, come on now, don't cry.
62
00:04:13,180 --> 00:04:15,205
Rose, I don't hate you!
63
00:04:15,282 --> 00:04:17,216
I'm really having fun.
64
00:04:17,284 --> 00:04:20,219
It's just that
it took me a little while
65
00:04:20,287 --> 00:04:23,347
to get into the spirit of things.
66
00:04:23,423 --> 00:04:26,187
- Seriously?
- Oh, yes. Both Blanche and I
67
00:04:26,259 --> 00:04:29,228
are having a lot of fun.
Aren't we, Blanche?
68
00:04:29,296 --> 00:04:33,027
Who wouldn't have fun
eating a foot-Iong Mr. Ha Ha dog?
69
00:04:34,734 --> 00:04:36,668
And drinking a 32-ounce...
70
00:04:36,736 --> 00:04:38,670
Cherry Burpy.
71
00:04:38,738 --> 00:04:43,471
If you drink three,
you get to keep Mr. Ha Ha's hat.
72
00:04:43,543 --> 00:04:48,242
If you drink three, you should
get to keep Mr. Ha Ha's kidney!
73
00:04:50,116 --> 00:04:52,107
[drum roll]
74
00:04:53,587 --> 00:04:55,521
Guess who's back?
75
00:04:55,589 --> 00:04:57,523
[children] Mr. Ha Ha!
76
00:04:57,591 --> 00:04:59,525
That's right!
77
00:04:59,593 --> 00:05:03,154
Now it's time
for the Mr. Ha Ha birthday roundup!
78
00:05:03,230 --> 00:05:07,064
When I call your name,
please come up on stage.
79
00:05:10,570 --> 00:05:12,663
Bobby Spina!
80
00:05:13,573 --> 00:05:16,542
Please say you didn't do this, Rose.
81
00:05:16,610 --> 00:05:20,774
- [Mr. Ha Ha] Jeannie Taylor!
- Please tell me you didn't.
82
00:05:20,847 --> 00:05:22,838
Dorothy Zbornak!
83
00:05:24,651 --> 00:05:26,585
- Dorothy Zbornak!
- Stop that!
84
00:05:26,653 --> 00:05:30,589
You're making a fool of yourself.
Mr. Ha Ha's looking at you.
85
00:05:30,657 --> 00:05:33,091
- Are you Dorothy Zbornak?
- That's right.
86
00:05:33,159 --> 00:05:36,686
- Get up on stage, Dorothy!
- Get bent, Ha Ha!
87
00:05:37,697 --> 00:05:42,134
Come on, kids. Let's give Dorothy
a great big Ha Ha cheer!
88
00:05:42,202 --> 00:05:44,136
- Ha Ha!
- [cheering]
89
00:05:44,204 --> 00:05:46,468
[chants] Dorothy! Dorothy!
90
00:05:46,539 --> 00:05:49,906
Dorothy! Dorothy!
Dorothy! Dorothy! Dorothy!
91
00:05:49,976 --> 00:05:52,444
Dorothy! Dorothy!
Dorothy! Dorothy!
92
00:05:52,512 --> 00:05:54,878
Dorothy! Dorothy! Dorothy!
93
00:05:54,948 --> 00:05:56,939
[cheering]
94
00:06:05,125 --> 00:06:08,526
It says here on my Ha Ha birthday list
95
00:06:08,595 --> 00:06:11,587
that Bobby is seven...
96
00:06:12,666 --> 00:06:14,657
...Jeannie is nine,
97
00:06:14,734 --> 00:06:16,668
and Dorothy is...
98
00:06:16,736 --> 00:06:18,966
I'll punch your heart out, Ha Ha.
99
00:06:19,039 --> 00:06:21,439
...Dorothy is the oldest!
100
00:06:21,508 --> 00:06:26,775
And, as the oldest,
you get to lead the birthday parade!
101
00:06:27,547 --> 00:06:29,879
Here is your parade leader's hat.
102
00:06:31,351 --> 00:06:33,751
Mr. Music, if you please.
103
00:06:33,820 --> 00:06:36,812
[jolly music]
104
00:06:36,890 --> 00:06:38,050
[toot]
105
00:06:49,302 --> 00:06:52,567
Don't prolong this.
I know what car you drive.
106
00:06:52,639 --> 00:06:54,573
The parade's over!
107
00:06:54,641 --> 00:06:57,906
Let's hear it
for all the birthday boys and girls!
108
00:06:57,978 --> 00:06:59,969
[cheering]
109
00:07:01,114 --> 00:07:03,514
But the fun's just about to begin.
110
00:07:03,583 --> 00:07:06,882
Because it's time
for your Ha Ha hot fudge cake!
111
00:07:06,953 --> 00:07:09,547
Free to all my birthday boys and girls.
112
00:07:09,622 --> 00:07:12,113
Only $1.98 to the rest of you.
113
00:07:12,192 --> 00:07:14,126
No, thank you. I've had enough.
114
00:07:14,194 --> 00:07:17,459
Oh! I think we have
a cranky birthday girl!
115
00:07:18,465 --> 00:07:21,525
You see, kids,
when you get a little older,
116
00:07:21,601 --> 00:07:23,535
you can get a little cranky.
117
00:07:23,603 --> 00:07:26,401
And when you get as old as Dorothy,
118
00:07:26,473 --> 00:07:29,874
you can be a real pain in the Ha Ha.
119
00:07:29,943 --> 00:07:34,744
So, Dorothy, lighten up,
enjoy your cake and make a wish, OK?
120
00:07:34,814 --> 00:07:38,477
Come on, kids.
Make a wish and blow out the candles.
121
00:07:40,653 --> 00:07:43,952
I hope everybody gets
what they wished for.
122
00:07:44,024 --> 00:07:46,515
Do you really, Mr. Ha Ha?
123
00:07:46,593 --> 00:07:50,120
Dorothy, if I were you,
I'd put the cake down.
124
00:07:50,196 --> 00:07:53,495
You see,
Mr. Music's brother is Mr. Lawyer.
125
00:07:53,566 --> 00:07:56,501
Besides, that's not
a very adult thing to do.
126
00:07:56,569 --> 00:07:58,901
You're right. I can't do it.
127
00:07:59,639 --> 00:08:01,766
- Mr. Ha Ha?
- Yes, Bobby?
128
00:08:07,747 --> 00:08:09,977
Happy birthday, Dorothy.
129
00:08:14,954 --> 00:08:18,481
I'm sorry I missed that one,
but I was...
130
00:08:18,558 --> 00:08:20,788
At the home. We know, Ma.
131
00:08:22,395 --> 00:08:24,386
How's the cake coming, Sophia?
132
00:08:24,464 --> 00:08:28,366
Beautiful. I got everything.
Coconut, eggs, unbleached flour, rum.
133
00:08:28,435 --> 00:08:30,767
- Oh, you making a rum cake?
- No.
134
00:08:32,839 --> 00:08:34,773
Gee, I love to bake.
135
00:08:34,841 --> 00:08:38,641
In St. Olaf, I baked our birthday cakes.
Charlie loved 'em.
136
00:08:39,412 --> 00:08:42,711
I remember the last cake I baked
in St. Olaf.
137
00:08:42,782 --> 00:08:44,773
It was kinda different.
138
00:09:17,083 --> 00:09:19,551
Oh, my birthday!
139
00:09:19,619 --> 00:09:21,951
I completely forgot!
140
00:09:22,956 --> 00:09:26,551
Well! I'd better make a wish
and blow out those candles
141
00:09:26,626 --> 00:09:30,062
before Mr. Hickenlooper has
the volunteer fire brigade up here
142
00:09:30,130 --> 00:09:32,724
pumping water
on my clean kitchen floor.
143
00:09:32,799 --> 00:09:34,027
[chuckles]
144
00:09:34,100 --> 00:09:36,694
I swear, that man
will look for any excuse
145
00:09:36,769 --> 00:09:39,431
to make that siren sound
through his nose.
146
00:09:40,440 --> 00:09:43,136
Inga Lundqvist
told me just this last week...
147
00:09:43,209 --> 00:09:46,474
I know. Shut up, Rose,
and blow out your candles.
148
00:09:46,546 --> 00:09:48,537
OK. A wish.
149
00:09:54,420 --> 00:09:56,354
[chuckles]
150
00:09:56,422 --> 00:09:59,414
I guess that was kind of a silly wish.
151
00:10:00,426 --> 00:10:03,759
I know you can't really be here
with me, Charlie.
152
00:10:04,764 --> 00:10:09,428
It's taken me these past eight months
to accept that, but I finally have.
153
00:10:10,537 --> 00:10:13,802
Then why our usual little
private birthday celebration?
154
00:10:13,873 --> 00:10:16,967
It somehow feels less Ionely, Charlie.
155
00:10:17,043 --> 00:10:19,637
I mean, this is the first special day
156
00:10:19,712 --> 00:10:21,646
I've had to spend without you.
157
00:10:21,714 --> 00:10:24,979
If it had been Christmas,
I'd have hung your stocking.
158
00:10:25,051 --> 00:10:27,315
Or if it had been your birthday,
159
00:10:27,387 --> 00:10:30,982
I probably would have still
asked the clerk down at Tuttles
160
00:10:31,057 --> 00:10:33,992
to help me pick out a tie for you.
161
00:10:34,060 --> 00:10:38,656
I bet that would have gotten me some
strange looks from the sales staff.
162
00:10:38,731 --> 00:10:41,165
Although they already
look at me strangely.
163
00:10:41,234 --> 00:10:43,668
Because of the time
I tried to special-order
164
00:10:43,736 --> 00:10:48,070
a double-breasted suit with a drop-seat
in the pants for cousin Wendell.
165
00:10:49,108 --> 00:10:51,440
Anyway, that was part of the reason.
166
00:10:52,145 --> 00:10:55,478
The other part was
I wanted to talk to you.
167
00:10:55,548 --> 00:10:59,882
I know. I didn't need
a special occasion for that.
168
00:10:59,953 --> 00:11:03,616
It would be more of an occasion
if I stopped talking.
169
00:11:04,557 --> 00:11:07,822
But I... I figured
since it was my birthday,
170
00:11:07,894 --> 00:11:12,228
you wouldn't be upset when you hear
what I've got to tell you.
171
00:11:17,003 --> 00:11:20,598
I've decided to sell the house
and leave St. Olaf, Charlie.
172
00:11:20,673 --> 00:11:23,699
The winters are rough
here in Minnesota.
173
00:11:23,776 --> 00:11:29,373
And this place is too filled with
memories to let me get on with my life.
174
00:11:30,483 --> 00:11:33,077
I need to start over
without you, Charlie.
175
00:11:33,152 --> 00:11:35,814
And I think this is the best way.
176
00:11:37,156 --> 00:11:41,024
I know it'll be tough
in a strange town... all alone.
177
00:11:41,094 --> 00:11:44,791
But I've read some
wonderful things about Miami.
178
00:11:44,864 --> 00:11:47,799
It won't be long
before I meet nice people
179
00:11:47,867 --> 00:11:50,165
and make some new friends.
180
00:11:50,236 --> 00:11:52,898
I have a real good feeling about that.
181
00:11:54,507 --> 00:11:57,943
So... I just wanted you to know
what I decided.
182
00:11:59,145 --> 00:12:02,808
I hope to be in Florida
before the next winter comes.
183
00:12:05,084 --> 00:12:09,418
But I know that wherever I am,
you'll be right there with me.
184
00:12:10,690 --> 00:12:12,681
I love you, Charlie.
185
00:12:13,826 --> 00:12:15,817
I miss you.
186
00:12:16,696 --> 00:12:18,687
It's my birthday!
187
00:12:19,732 --> 00:12:22,394
You know the rules. I get the rose.
188
00:12:31,711 --> 00:12:33,702
...and a pinch of baking soda.
189
00:12:37,050 --> 00:12:39,712
Ma, that looked like
an awfully big pinch.
190
00:12:40,520 --> 00:12:42,511
Who cares?
191
00:12:45,458 --> 00:12:47,858
Sophia, maybe you should sit down.
192
00:12:47,927 --> 00:12:50,088
I am sitting.
193
00:12:50,163 --> 00:12:53,758
You know, I'm gonna make you
a nice pot of coffee.
194
00:12:53,833 --> 00:12:56,768
Don't panic, I'm fine.
I haven't had that much.
195
00:12:56,836 --> 00:13:00,294
Besides, you think I'd ruin
Roberta's milestone birthday?
196
00:13:00,373 --> 00:13:02,841
- Milestone? She's 88.
- Right.
197
00:13:02,909 --> 00:13:06,777
After 80, every year
without a headstone is a milestone.
198
00:13:07,647 --> 00:13:11,481
I think my milestone birthday
was when I turned 50.
199
00:13:11,551 --> 00:13:13,485
Oh, Ma, I remember your 50th.
200
00:13:13,553 --> 00:13:16,852
We were meant to go to a party
at Guido's,
201
00:13:16,923 --> 00:13:19,892
but you fought with Pop.
I'll never forget it.
202
00:13:19,959 --> 00:13:23,258
It was Brooklyn, April, 1956.
203
00:13:23,329 --> 00:13:26,230
Dorothy, I tell the stories
around here.
204
00:13:26,299 --> 00:13:30,963
Picture it: Brooklyn, April, 1956...
205
00:13:33,172 --> 00:13:35,640
[Salvadore] Fine!
If that's the way you feel!
206
00:13:35,708 --> 00:13:37,539
Sophia, I'm staying right here!
207
00:13:37,610 --> 00:13:40,841
[Sophia] Fine! Stay there forever,
you big Bacciagaloop!
208
00:13:40,913 --> 00:13:43,541
- I curse the day I met you!
- [Salvadore] Doubled!
209
00:13:43,616 --> 00:13:45,607
Ma, it's me, Dorothy!
210
00:13:52,725 --> 00:13:55,523
- Happy birthday, Ma.
- Ah, shut up!
211
00:13:56,963 --> 00:13:58,897
[Dorothy] You're welcome.
212
00:13:58,965 --> 00:14:02,799
You'll be late for your birthday party.
Stan's in the car.
213
00:14:02,869 --> 00:14:05,167
- I'm not going.
- What do you mean?
214
00:14:05,238 --> 00:14:07,206
What do I have to celebrate?
215
00:14:07,273 --> 00:14:09,741
A miserable marriage
and leaving my husband?
216
00:14:09,809 --> 00:14:12,744
- You had a fight.
- You love to show off
217
00:14:12,812 --> 00:14:14,973
that college education, don't you?
218
00:14:15,047 --> 00:14:18,312
OK, why are you mad at Pop?
219
00:14:18,384 --> 00:14:23,014
Because your father is
a miserable, no-good, insensitive bum!
220
00:14:23,089 --> 00:14:25,819
- [Salvadore] I heard that!
- Good, then hear this!
221
00:14:25,892 --> 00:14:29,157
May you lose
the three hairs left on your head!
222
00:14:29,228 --> 00:14:31,958
[Salvadore] Oh, yeah?
May you lose your tweezers
223
00:14:32,031 --> 00:14:36,092
so your eyebrows meet
to cover the wart on your forehead!
224
00:14:36,169 --> 00:14:38,763
That's not a wart,
that's a beauty mark!
225
00:14:38,838 --> 00:14:41,568
[Salvadore] On Sophia Loren,
it's a beauty mark!
226
00:14:41,641 --> 00:14:43,905
On you and Khrushchev, it's a wart!
227
00:14:44,911 --> 00:14:47,539
Pop, enough!
Come out of the bedroom now!
228
00:14:47,613 --> 00:14:50,446
[Salvadore] Not while she's there.
She hit me.
229
00:14:50,516 --> 00:14:53,576
- Ma!
- With a piece of bread.
230
00:14:53,653 --> 00:14:56,713
[Salvadore] Five days old!
Like a jack handle!
231
00:14:56,789 --> 00:15:00,691
He deserved it for how
he wished me a happy 50th.
232
00:15:00,760 --> 00:15:03,024
What are you talking about? You're 48.
233
00:15:03,095 --> 00:15:05,029
That's what I thought.
234
00:15:05,097 --> 00:15:07,759
But last night,
during Your Show Of Shows,
235
00:15:07,834 --> 00:15:09,802
he hands me papers he found.
236
00:15:09,869 --> 00:15:13,134
He says they made a mistake
on my birth certificate
237
00:15:13,206 --> 00:15:16,505
when I came into this country
and I'm actually 50!
238
00:15:16,576 --> 00:15:18,840
So what's the difference? You're 50.
239
00:15:18,911 --> 00:15:22,938
What's the difference?
I gave him the best years of my life
240
00:15:23,015 --> 00:15:25,540
and he just stole two more!
241
00:15:26,686 --> 00:15:28,813
I've never been so depressed.
242
00:15:28,888 --> 00:15:30,822
Oh, Ma, it doesn't mean anything.
243
00:15:30,890 --> 00:15:33,154
50 is just a number.
244
00:15:33,226 --> 00:15:35,160
You don't understand, Dorothy.
245
00:15:35,228 --> 00:15:38,493
I always had plans, dreams,
things I wanted to accomplish
246
00:15:38,564 --> 00:15:40,862
by the time I was 50.
247
00:15:40,933 --> 00:15:44,391
- What kind of dreams?
- Well...
248
00:15:44,470 --> 00:15:46,404
for one thing,
249
00:15:46,472 --> 00:15:48,633
I always wanted to be a ballerina.
250
00:15:48,708 --> 00:15:50,801
[Salvadore] Please! With those legs?
251
00:15:51,777 --> 00:15:55,372
Come on out, Salvadore,
I've got more bread waiting for you!
252
00:15:55,448 --> 00:15:58,849
I've got news for you.
It wouldn't have been easier
253
00:15:58,918 --> 00:16:01,079
to break into ballet at 48.
254
00:16:01,153 --> 00:16:04,281
But I'd still have
two more years to dream.
255
00:16:04,357 --> 00:16:06,291
I can't believe it.
256
00:16:06,359 --> 00:16:08,293
I'm 50!
257
00:16:08,361 --> 00:16:11,956
I'm an old lady who hasn't accomplished
a thing in life.
258
00:16:12,031 --> 00:16:15,159
You haven't accomplished a thing?
259
00:16:17,570 --> 00:16:20,004
You raised three kids
during the Depression
260
00:16:20,072 --> 00:16:23,007
and always managed
to have food on the table.
261
00:16:23,075 --> 00:16:26,670
You had two jobs
as far back as I can remember,
262
00:16:26,746 --> 00:16:29,544
but were always there
when we needed you.
263
00:16:29,615 --> 00:16:32,948
You got me through college,
by helping pay for it,
264
00:16:33,019 --> 00:16:36,477
and by encouraging me
when I felt like giving up.
265
00:16:36,556 --> 00:16:41,152
Do you want me to go on, Ma?
We could be here all night.
266
00:16:41,227 --> 00:16:44,492
Enough. Ralph Edwards
makes less of a fuss over people.
267
00:16:44,564 --> 00:16:48,830
[Salvadore] I'm tired of this old lady
business! You're acting like an ass!
268
00:16:48,901 --> 00:16:50,835
You don't look 50.
269
00:16:50,903 --> 00:16:52,837
You don't look 48.
270
00:16:52,905 --> 00:16:55,965
You're as beautiful
as the day I married you.
271
00:16:56,042 --> 00:16:57,976
Oh, Salvadore!
272
00:16:58,044 --> 00:16:59,978
Tell me that again.
273
00:17:00,046 --> 00:17:02,776
[Salvadore] You're acting like an ass!
274
00:17:05,284 --> 00:17:07,218
He's right.
275
00:17:07,286 --> 00:17:09,220
Salvadore, open the door.
276
00:17:09,288 --> 00:17:11,950
We have a birthday party to go to.
277
00:17:24,704 --> 00:17:26,695
Ma!
278
00:17:27,873 --> 00:17:30,808
Pop, come on.
You'll be late for the party.
279
00:17:30,876 --> 00:17:34,437
[Sophia] Er... we'll be there
in about an hour, Dorothy.
280
00:17:38,351 --> 00:17:40,342
[Sophia] Oh, Salvadore!
281
00:17:43,289 --> 00:17:46,690
[Sophia] Dorothy!
Er... make that two hours!
282
00:17:48,394 --> 00:17:50,385
Wow.
283
00:17:51,964 --> 00:17:54,296
Happy birthday, Ma.
284
00:18:01,240 --> 00:18:04,175
Actually, we never got
to the party at all.
285
00:18:04,243 --> 00:18:06,711
There were a lot of
disappointed people.
286
00:18:06,779 --> 00:18:08,713
I wasn't one of them.
287
00:18:08,781 --> 00:18:11,773
Neither was your father,
if memory serves me correctly.
288
00:18:13,953 --> 00:18:17,548
Is this cake ready?
Roberta's gonna be here any minute.
289
00:18:17,623 --> 00:18:19,557
It's ready when it's ready.
290
00:18:19,625 --> 00:18:22,025
Oh, well,
she won't be surprised anyway.
291
00:18:22,094 --> 00:18:24,790
Surprise birthday parties never work.
292
00:18:24,864 --> 00:18:28,129
Yeah? What about the surprise party
we threw for you
293
00:18:28,200 --> 00:18:30,464
when we first moved in? That worked.
294
00:18:30,536 --> 00:18:33,562
Almost. I mean, it kind of worked.
295
00:18:37,009 --> 00:18:39,603
Hi, Rose, I picked up
Blanche's birthday cake.
296
00:18:39,679 --> 00:18:43,012
- What are you doing?
- Decorating Blanche's cake.
297
00:18:43,082 --> 00:18:45,016
There, it's finished.
298
00:18:45,084 --> 00:18:47,382
I said I would get the cake!
299
00:18:47,453 --> 00:18:51,890
I know, but where I come from,
most people won't eat store-bought.
300
00:18:51,957 --> 00:18:55,518
Rose, where you come from,
most people live in windmills
301
00:18:55,594 --> 00:18:57,721
and make love to polka music.
302
00:18:59,031 --> 00:19:02,330
Stop it, Dorothy,
you're making me homesick.
303
00:19:05,571 --> 00:19:07,562
[doorbell]
304
00:19:08,974 --> 00:19:10,908
We're coming!
305
00:19:10,976 --> 00:19:13,911
Who could that be?
Everybody I invited is already here.
306
00:19:13,979 --> 00:19:17,073
- [Rose] Sophia!
- Ma! What are you doing here?
307
00:19:17,149 --> 00:19:21,051
You shouldn't leave the home.
You're recovering from a stroke!
308
00:19:21,120 --> 00:19:24,317
What recovering?
I'm back 100%%, knock wood.
309
00:19:25,157 --> 00:19:27,148
Come in!
310
00:19:31,030 --> 00:19:32,964
Just listen.
311
00:19:33,032 --> 00:19:36,559
We are throwing
a surprise birthday party for Blanche.
312
00:19:36,635 --> 00:19:38,569
Go out to the lanai
313
00:19:38,637 --> 00:19:40,628
- and mingle with the guests.
- Check.
314
00:19:41,640 --> 00:19:45,076
- What's a lanai?
- The porch!
315
00:19:45,144 --> 00:19:47,135
Excuse me, Krystle Carrington!
316
00:19:49,982 --> 00:19:54,316
Blanche is gonna be surprised! It's
lucky I found out today's her birthday.
317
00:19:57,456 --> 00:19:59,390
- Blanche, what's wrong?
- Nothing.
318
00:19:59,458 --> 00:20:02,916
I want to take a bath
and forget about today.
319
00:20:02,995 --> 00:20:04,929
- Oh, OK.
- No!
320
00:20:04,997 --> 00:20:07,397
Girls, we haven't lived together
very long,
321
00:20:07,466 --> 00:20:10,697
but when I come home mad
and say nothing's wrong,
322
00:20:10,770 --> 00:20:13,762
you have to draw what's wrong
out of me.
323
00:20:13,839 --> 00:20:15,830
Blanche, what's wrong?
324
00:20:15,908 --> 00:20:17,205
Nothing.
325
00:20:17,276 --> 00:20:18,641
OK.
326
00:20:18,711 --> 00:20:21,339
Oh, all right, quit badgering me!
327
00:20:22,948 --> 00:20:26,577
I didn't want to tell you this,
but... today's my birthday.
328
00:20:26,652 --> 00:20:29,678
Today's your birthday, Blanche? Today?
329
00:20:29,755 --> 00:20:33,213
Dorothy, did you hear that?
Today is Blanche's birthday!
330
00:20:33,292 --> 00:20:36,193
- And I hate birthdays.
- And she hates birthdays.
331
00:20:36,262 --> 00:20:39,026
The only thing worse
is surprise parties.
332
00:20:39,098 --> 00:20:42,693
What did I get at work today?
A surprise birthday party.
333
00:20:42,768 --> 00:20:46,260
Oh, I was so upset I almost threw up.
334
00:20:47,706 --> 00:20:49,640
Did you hear that, Dorothy?
335
00:20:49,708 --> 00:20:52,734
Surprise parties
make Blanche want to throw up.
336
00:20:55,548 --> 00:20:57,482
Honey, go and take that bath.
337
00:20:57,550 --> 00:21:01,213
We'll just forget the fact
that today is really your birthday.
338
00:21:02,054 --> 00:21:05,046
Well, I don't see
how anybody can hate birthdays.
339
00:21:05,124 --> 00:21:07,456
Well, because they are
constant reminders
340
00:21:07,526 --> 00:21:12,054
that with each year our bodies begin
to sag, our faces begin to wrinkle,
341
00:21:12,131 --> 00:21:14,065
our hair begins to turn gray.
342
00:21:14,133 --> 00:21:17,534
Of course, none of that's
happened to me yet.
343
00:21:19,071 --> 00:21:23,405
But it's only a question of time
until I look like you two.
344
00:21:24,810 --> 00:21:28,678
Blanche, keep that up,
you won't have that much time left.
345
00:21:30,082 --> 00:21:32,016
Hi, Blanche.
346
00:21:32,084 --> 00:21:34,416
I'm here
for your surprise birthday party.
347
00:21:36,455 --> 00:21:38,480
My what? What? You didn't.
348
00:21:38,557 --> 00:21:40,491
Of course we didn't.
349
00:21:40,559 --> 00:21:42,493
Ma, there's no party.
350
00:21:42,561 --> 00:21:45,894
- Maybe I should take you home.
- Am I Frances Farmer?
351
00:21:45,965 --> 00:21:48,729
I know there's a party out there!
352
00:21:48,801 --> 00:21:51,065
Blanche, I guess we made a mistake.
353
00:21:51,136 --> 00:21:53,070
Look, we'll cancel the party.
354
00:21:53,138 --> 00:21:55,800
We'll forget that
the whole thing ever happened.
355
00:21:55,875 --> 00:21:57,809
Whoa, everybody!
356
00:21:57,877 --> 00:22:00,141
The party's off! They want us out!
357
00:22:00,212 --> 00:22:03,147
But you're welcome
to come back to my place.
358
00:22:03,215 --> 00:22:05,809
If someone can tell me where it is.
359
00:22:05,885 --> 00:22:10,015
Roger! Edgar! Burt! Leland!
360
00:22:10,089 --> 00:22:12,421
Well, what are they all doing here?
361
00:22:12,491 --> 00:22:14,823
I invited everybody
in your address book.
362
00:22:16,929 --> 00:22:19,557
The little red one by my night stand?
363
00:22:19,632 --> 00:22:23,568
No, the little black one
next to your hot body oil dispenser.
364
00:22:23,636 --> 00:22:27,231
Wait a minute, fellas.
No need to rush off like this.
365
00:22:27,306 --> 00:22:29,240
It is my birthday.
366
00:22:29,308 --> 00:22:33,074
Who wants to be the first one
to spank me?
367
00:22:36,849 --> 00:22:40,148
Boy, that turned out to be
some evening, didn't it?
368
00:22:40,219 --> 00:22:42,153
It sure did.
369
00:22:42,221 --> 00:22:45,486
From that night on,
I learned to love surprise parties.
370
00:22:45,557 --> 00:22:50,051
It reminded me of a party in St. Olaf,
as a little girl.
371
00:22:50,129 --> 00:22:52,063
Big Sven and Little Sven
372
00:22:52,131 --> 00:22:54,395
were celebrating the first anniversary
373
00:22:54,466 --> 00:22:58,095
of their smoked herring hoagie house,
when Big Sven...
374
00:22:58,170 --> 00:23:00,104
- [ping]
- [all three] I'll get it!
375
00:23:00,172 --> 00:23:02,504
[Sophia] It's my cake. I'll get it.
376
00:23:08,247 --> 00:23:10,238
Ma, that looks like a cookie.
377
00:23:11,016 --> 00:23:13,280
You put too much rum in it.
378
00:23:13,352 --> 00:23:16,685
Stick an umbrella in it
and serve it with straws.
379
00:23:16,755 --> 00:23:19,315
Everyone will think
they're at Trader Vic's.
380
00:23:19,692 --> 00:23:23,651
Let's take it in.
Roberta will be here any minute.
381
00:23:25,731 --> 00:23:30,134
I hope she's surprised. The best part
of a birthday is being surprised.
382
00:23:30,202 --> 00:23:32,193
[all] Surprise!
383
00:23:36,041 --> 00:23:37,030
What?
384
00:23:37,109 --> 00:23:39,703
- Happy birthday, Blanche.
- But... but...
385
00:23:39,778 --> 00:23:41,746
my birthday's not till next week.
386
00:23:41,814 --> 00:23:44,078
We know. But you said last time
387
00:23:44,149 --> 00:23:46,743
we'd never be able
to surprise you again.
388
00:23:46,819 --> 00:23:51,085
- It was the only way to do it.
- You did a great job.
389
00:23:51,156 --> 00:23:55,217
- I don't know what to say.
- Say it's conga time!
390
00:23:55,294 --> 00:23:57,285
[conga music]
30473
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