All language subtitles for welcome_back_kotter_s04e21_oo-oo_i_do_2

Listen to this one.

Woodman is a test tube baby.

You know what?

I think he looks more like a mason jar
baby.

What are you laughing at? What am I
laughing at?

I'm laughing that somebody could be so
foolish as to write something like that

about such a fine man.

Thank you, Dullabar.

You know what I'm going to do?

I'm going to get some paint and cover up
that filth.

Thank you, my boy.

Oh, that's only the beginning.

See, when I get done there, I'm going
over to the boys' restroom and cover up

all the disparaging remarks about you in
there, too.

Of course, it may take several gallons
of paint.

That's splendid, my boy. I'll tell you
what. After you finish there, you come

my office. I'll give you the key. You do
the same thing in the faculty men's

room.

Hello, Mr. Goldman.

Oh, that's easy for you to say.

Oh, well, somebody woke up on the wrong
side of the bed.

I haven't been to bed in two nights.

Night before last, I had to take Mr.
Hicks out to dinner.

You mean the Mr. Hicks that's retiring
from the school board?

Didn't get home till after midnight.

Thought he would never pick up the
check.

And when I did get home, the
refrigerator was on the blink, so I had

and eat the doggy bag.

Nah, he couldn't let it go to waste.

And that weirdo Hicks, you know, he
orders the state's blood rare.

I'd hardly get his leftovers down.

And then I had to stay up all last night
with these fool student evaluation

reports.

Why don't you just give these to me, you
go into your office and sit down, and I

will look them over and then put them in
the student files, okay?

Oh, thanks, Julie.

Hold all my calls, will you? Yep.

I'm going to try to get 40 winks.

Can't face the world without my beauty
sleep.

And vice versa.

Hi, Arnold. What can I do for you? Well,
I just stopped by to see if the

supplies for the school store have come
in yet.

Oh, just a second, Arnold.

Hello?

Yeah.

Oh, great.

Thanks. Yeah, I'll be right down.

Okay, thanks a lot. Bye -bye.

Arnold, look, Miss Batali in Home X, she
hemmed this skirt for me, and I have to

go downstairs and try it on.

Oh, that Miss Batali, she's great at
hemming.

Also, hawing.

Um, look, Arnold, will you do me a big
favor and man the phones for me while

gone? Oh, sure, you just run along.

Okay, thanks, Arnold. And don't you
worry your pretty little head.

I will run this off. with the same
efficiency and courtesy that you

would.

It's your dime, spill it.

You've done something different with
your hair.

Yeah, but she put it on the wrong head.

That's not funny, boys.

Mrs. Carter has stepped away
momentarily, and I am the new captain of

Whoa, abandon ship, abandon ship!

Are you here on official business, or
did he just stop by to make you

remarks? What do you mean, sophomoric
remarks?

Come on, man. We gave up those kind of
remarks years ago.

Now we're doing senior mark remarks.

Yeah, actually, we came in so I could
con Mrs. Carter out of an off -campus

pass. Well, unfortunately, Mrs. Carter
is not here, and you would be wasting

your time because I, Arnold Will of Iron
Horshack, cannot be conned.

What a pity.

What a pity.

You know, I was thinking about taking
all four of us out to lunch over at the

Pizza Plaza.

Fortunately, Arnold Will of Iron Horse
Shack can be bribed.

Let's sit and navigate those passes so
we can get over to the pizza parlor.

yeah, boy, I can taste them anchovies.
Nah, nah, nah. Late passes,

40 passes, absentee excuses.

Maybe the off -campus passes are off
-campus.

Hey, what's this?

Student Evaluation Reports, Michael J.
Woodman, Principal.

Oh, don't read that, Bo. Put those down.
You cannot read these. No student can

ever read the student evaluation
reports. Never, never, never. Hey, you

that's true, man. We got caught looking
at these. We didn't get into major

league trouble. That's right. The last
guy I got caught looking at this is

clapping the races.

He graduated eight years ago.

Are they really that important?

Yes, they are.

Let's check them out.

Well, then, what are we waiting for?

Bo, you really shouldn't do this, Bo.
This is not a right thing to do. Bo, you

shouldn't do this.

You're going to get in a lot of trouble,
Bo. You can't do this. I'm trying to

think. Thank you.

Welcome back to that same old place that
you laughed about.

Well, the names have all changed since
you hung around.

But those dreams have remained and
they've turned around.

Who'd have thought they'd need ya?

Who'd have thought they'd need ya? Back
here where we need ya. Back here where

we need ya. We tease him a lot.

Cause we got him on the spot. Welcome
back.

Welcome back. Welcome back. Welcome
back.

Welcome back. Welcome back. Yeah, we
tease him a lot. Cause we got him on the

spot. Welcome back.

Listen to this, man. Check out what Mr.
Woodman wrote about me.

Washington is capable of being a good
student.

He spends a majority of his time on the
basketball court.

His per point game average is 28.

Well, that's not so bad.

And so is his IQ.

Well, listen to what Mr. Woodman has to
say about the kid here. You ready?

Juan Epstein has not lived up to his
full potential.

But when he does, it will be a federal
matter and out of my hands.

I do not believe what I am reading here.

It says that I tend to be childish.

Hey, come on, guys. There's no need to
be upset. These things don't mean

anything.

Well, yeah, well, what did old Woodface
have to say about you and me? Yeah, what

did he say? Yeah, well, what difference
does it make? Let's just go have some

lunch. You look upset, man. Hey, Mr.
Woodman must have really nailed you to

wall. Let's just see it. Let's just
forget it and go grab some lunch. Let's

a look at it, huh?

Now, look at Bo, buddy. If you feel like
crying, you go right ahead, because

you're amongst friends.

Yeah, be a man.

It says here you're a model student and
citizen.

Courteous.

respectful, well -mannered, and
trustworthy.

Wow, man, all we need is thrifty, brave,
and kind, and you could be a Boy Scout.

I ain't finished.

Thrifty, brave, and kind.

The only fault I find with Beau
Delabarre

is the motley bunch of punks.

He insists on running around with it.
Yeah, that sounds like us.

Hey, come on, guys. These reports don't
mean anything.

I think they do.

I think that they mean that you've been
doing some apple polishing above and

beyond the call of duty. Man, you know
what I think, man?

I think that while Bo was talking
himself up to Mr. Woodman, he's been

us down.

Yeah. Let me tell you something, man.
From now on, you're on your own.

Hey, come on. I didn't have anything to
do with this. Give me a break.

Sure. Which leg?

Come on, guys.

Arnold.

In the words of the childish Arnold
Horschak, lawyer, lawyer, pants on fire.

Hi, folks.

Hi, Mrs. Carter.

You're all by yourself. Don't you
usually eat in the schoolyard with the

Yeah, the guys do. I don't.

Okay. What's the problem?

Look, I con Mr.

Woodman into thinking I'm such a great
guy.

Now my buddies think I'm a great jerk.

Well, why do you feel like you have to
con people into things all the time

anyway?

I don't know. I can't help myself.

You know, when you've been in and out of
as many schools as I have, conning

people into liking you...

You become second nature.

You know, Bo, people would like you a
lot more if you would just be yourself.

I don't think I know who myself is
anymore.

Bo, you are a real likable guy.

You've got a great sense of humor. I
mean, all those stories about growing up

the plantation are wonderful.

And how your daddy always used to say
things in threes.

It's all real funny stuff.

Mrs. Cotter, my daddy never told me
anything.

I hardly even knew who my daddy was.

I was shuffled from relative to
relative.

And the closest thing I ever got to a
plantation was sneaking into the theater

to watch Gone with the Wind.

I know that.

You knew that?

Of course I did. I could see through
that phony act of yours from the first

you got here.

Yeah, but you're old and wise.

You are a charmer.

You know, I didn't charm anybody this
morning.

You know what? Why don't you just give
the guys a chance?

Why don't you give yourself a chance?

You know, maybe even Mr. Woodman could
help you.

Woodman, you're a genius, Mrs. Cotter.

You know, Mr. Woodman got me into this
mess.

I think Mr. Woodman's just going to have
to get me out.

Thank you, dearly.

I wonder.

Julie Cotter, student counselor.

Mr. Woodman?

Mr.

Woodman?

Mr.

Woodman? Mr.

Woodman? Mr.

Woodman?

Me? Sleeping? Nonsense. I was just
checking the desk for imperfections in

veneer.

Yeah, when I heard you stayed up all
late last night working, I figured the

least I could do was bring you a nice
strong cup of coffee. Help you through

day.

Ah, that's very thoughtful.

Thank you, my boy.

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Listen, why don't you just flip off
those trousers? I'll take them down to

Ec and have the stain removed.

Forget it. It's too much trouble.

Oh, Mr. Woodman, a man of your standing
cannot be seen around school with

stained trousers.

Well, all right, if you say so.

Where are your manners? Turn your head,
Delbar.

Here.

Listen, why don't you just sit tight? In
fact, why don't you just take a little

nap?

You know, by the time you wake up, I'll
have these back good as new.

Well,

well, well.

If it isn't Mr. Woodman's little angel.

You think I'm a Woodman's boy?

Well, I've got his pants right here.
What do you think about that?

Isn't that cute?

Now they're starting to dress alike.

Well, for your information, I'm about to
take these trousers and run them up the

flagpole.

Well, what are you waiting for? Go on,
do it. Just as soon as I do one more

thing. Well, yeah, what?

This.

to school.

but he's crazy. He's got a lot of guts.

I know. As soon as Mr. Woodman finds
out, his guts are going to be all over

schoolyard.

Ladies and gentlemen, I called you here
today to pay tribute to our principal, a

man whose tireless work never slaps,
whose unequal leadership

proves that he wears the pants in this
school, and I'm not just pulling your

leg.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you our
principal, Michael J. Woodman.

responsible for this. Epstein?

Yes, ma 'am. Yes, sir.

Yes, sir.

What do you know about this?

Uh, I don't know. It looks like somebody
stole your bagpipes.

What's that?

Well, uh, it's a very nice color on you.

But I think you'd do better in basic
black.

I'll get your pants down for you because
you ain't in no condition to climb up

there and get them yourself.

Mr. Woodman, I'm responsible for this.

I pulled the alarm and I ran your
trousers up the pole.

The guys had nothing to do with it.

Bellabar, I am shocked and appalled.

I never thought you would stoop so low
as to take the blame for these little

pack rats.

Well, Mr. Woodman... It's all right.

I know they put you up to it.

Don't worry.

Their troublemaking days in this school
are over.

But, Mr. Woolman, I did it myself.
Forget it, son. Forget it. Don't be

Get to my office immediately.

The rest of you, back to your classes.

Get moving now.

What's wrong with you people?

Didn't you ever see a man with a skirt
before?

you come up smelling like a rose again.

Yeah. Come on, guys. And we just come up
smelling.

Guys, look. Look, I didn't mean to get
you in trouble. You know I didn't mean

to. You know, if I remember correctly,
that's exactly what Bonnie said to

Come on. Leave it, man.

Never.

And I repeat, never.

In all my years as a teacher and
administrator, have I witnessed such a

disgusting display.

Don't blame us, Mr. Woodman. They're
your legs.

Freddie, will you quit it? I think your
legs are very cute.

We was framed, Freddie. We was framed.

I know. I think this southern fried
phony put the screws to us again.

That's enough.

Not another word. You've had your laughs
for the day.

Now it's my turn.

You realize when you set off a false
alarm that some students could be

Here.

Here. One week's detention for each one
of you.

That's just the beginning.

When I'm through with you, you'll know
the meaning of pain, torment, and

suffering.

Mr. Woodman. No, no, Dollar Bar, I'm
getting my jollies.

Look, I insist that I be heard, so just
sit down.

Now, in the words of my good friend,
Freddie Washington, check it out.

That prank that was pulled this
afternoon required imagination, expert

and above all, brains.

Now, look at those faces.

You think there's a brain in those
heads?

Well, now that you mention it... To be
successful.

This scheme had to be pulled off by
someone you'd least suspect.

Someone who, in your very words, is a
model student and citizen.

Courteous, respectful, well -mannered,
and trustworthy.

Thrifty. Brave.

And lest we forget, kind.

And that someone is that little old
pants waver, me.

You read your student file?

Yeah, well, it's all Mrs. Cox's task.
You read your student file?

Well, since you put it that way...
Contrary to what you may think,

this is not the first time my pants have
been run up the flagpole.

That I could forgive. Now he tells us.

But never, ever in the history of
Buchanan High School has a student

dared to enter the hallowed sanctity of
the student files.

How about that?

And then to top it off, this little
stunt with the fire alarm, or you could

taken the fire department away from a
real emergency.

Expulsion is too good for you,
Delabarre.

Oh, no.

I'm going to keep you here at Buchanan
until you get more than you bargained

for.

You're going to do all three weeks'
detention.

That's just for openness.

And to think that I trusted you.

I took you under my wing.

I thought of you as a son.

From now on, I'm treating you just like
another one of these wombats.

Hey, that's okay with me.

How about the rest of you wombats?

Just okay with me, yeah.

You'll see just how tough I can get.

Be a long time before you pull another
prank on Michael J. Woodman.

All right.

One.

Hey, guys. Hey, Bo. Hey, Bo.

Hey, Rembrandt. Still at it, huh?

Yeah, as soon as I get done here, I'm
through with my detention.

Oh, man, but you've been serving tap
over three weeks as it is.

Yeah, doing hard labor.

Last week, Mr. Woodman made him mow the
football field.

What's so hard about that?

It was during the game.

Look, Bo, we'll just hang out over here,
and when you're done, we'll go to the

pizza parlor and celebrate. I wish you
wouldn't do that.

Oh, come on, Bo, man. What are friends
for, huh?

No, you are my best friends.

All the way.

You are my friends, aren't you?

Until the end, yeah.

That's good.

Because I just painted the bench.

Welcome back.

Your dreams were your ticket out.

Welcome back to that same old place that
you laughed about.

Well, the names have all changed since
you hung around.

But those dreams have remained and
they've turned around.

Who'd have thought they'd lead ya?

Who'd have thought they'd lead ya? Back
here where we need ya. Back here where

we need ya.

We tease him a lot because we got him on
the spot.

Welcome back.

Welcome back. Welcome back. Welcome
back.

Welcome back. Welcome back. Welcome
back.

We always could spot a friend.

Welcome back.

And I smile when I think how we must
have been.

And I know what a scene you were
learning in.

Was there something that made me come
back again?

And what could ever lead ya?

What could ever lead ya? Back there
where we need ya. Back there where we

ya. Yeah, we tease him a lot. Cause we
got him on the spot. Welcome back.

Welcome back. Welcome back. Welcome
back.

Welcome back. Welcome back. Yeah, we
tease him a lot.