All language subtitles for welcome_back_kotter_s03e06_just_testing

Hey, Julie, did I ever tell you what
happened to my cousin Mark?

No, tell me.

Okay, he's in the attic, and he's
looking through one of his old suits,

sees a shoe ticket from shoes he brought
in to fix about 20 years ago.

So he starts thinking, maybe I'll try to
go back to the old neighborhood and see

if the shoe store is still there. The
proprietor's name was Giuseppe, and he

a nice guy. Everybody liked him in the
neighborhood. And he figures, I haven't

been back to the old neighborhood in a
long time anyway. I'll take a ride back

there. So he goes back to the old
neighborhood, and he sees Giuseppe's

store. And he walks in, and there's
Giuseppe, 20 years older, but the same

Walks up to him, he says, Giuseppe,
remember me?

Wait a minute, who?

Yeah, I remember you, you little boy.
Your name is, uh, uh, Carter, right?

He says, that's right.

Giuseppe, I was going through this old
suit of mine, and I happened to see I

a ticket for shoes that I left here 20
years ago. How about that?

And Giuseppe says, let me see your
ticket. Come on, let me see your ticket.

So he shows him the ticket, he looks.

Let me look in the back. Maybe they're
still there. You wait here, Carter. I'll

go look in the back. So he goes in the
back, and he hears all this rumbling,

and, you know, he's going around. He's
looking through all the shoes, and he

comes out. He says, wait a sec.

Your shoes, brown shoes, you brought
them in for heels and soles?

My cousin said, yeah, that's right.

Giuseppe says, well, they'll be ready
Tuesday.

Welcome back.

Your dreams were your ticket out.

Welcome back to that same old place that
you laughed about.

Well, the names have all changed since
you hung around.

But those dreams have remained and
they've turned around.

Who'd have thought they'd lead you?

Who'd have thought they'd lead you out
here where we need you?

We tease him a lot because we got him on
the spot. Welcome back.

Welcome back. Welcome back. Welcome
back.

Okay.

So, the Supreme Court.

has left it up to each community to
determine what's obscene.

Was the community around when Kiki
Kornberg tried to squeeze into them size

jeans? Now that was obscene, you know
what I mean?

If you want to see obscene, you should
see the drawing that Epstein handed in

art class.

Oh yeah, I saw that. That's a beautiful
chick you drew.

Hey, could you fix me up with that
drawing?

Epstein, are you drawing racy pictures
in art class?

Hey, I'm no racist.

Miss Holtzgang said we could draw our
favorite thing, so I drew this beautiful

girl. I drew a picture of a cheese
whopper.

Yeah, and I drew a picture of Arnold
getting hot burned.

And I drew a picture of me.

Look, Epstein, whatever you do in art
class, that's Miss Holtzgang's

jurisdiction. You're safe here, as long
as you don't draw a naked picture of

George Washington.

Hey, come on, who would want to see a
naked picture of George Washington?

Maybe Martha.

Warshak, I'm surprised at you.

You are talking about the father of our
country.

A man like that never took his clothes
off.

Then how did he get to be the father of
our country?

Saved by the bell. See you tomorrow.

Hey, little Juan, here

comes Miss Holtzgang. I think she's
going to show your X -ray drawing to Mr.

Carter.

Juan,

if I was you, I'd go to Puerto Rico and
check out my roots.

busy. Are you busy? I can come back
later.

No, no, that's okay.

I know why you're here.

Really? Yeah, Epstein told me about his
drawing in the art class.

Oh, wasn't it wonderful? So expressive.
Such powerful lines.

You liked it? No problems?

None at all.

Oh.

You think there's going to be a garbage
strike?

I hope not.

Me too.

Last one was awful.

Mountains of garbage piled up in front
of everybody's house.

Gabe, I've fallen in love with you.

Does this mean we're finished talking
about the garbage strike?

Gabe, listen, it wasn't easy for me to
say that.

Come on, Paula, stop kidding around.

I'm not kidding.

Come on. Paula, are you kidding?

I guess you're not kidding.

Paula, look, this is crazy.

Come on, we hardly know each other.
Believe me, it's just physical.

Don't be silly. It's not at all
physical.

It isn't?

No, no, Gabe.

It's just something about you.

Your sense of humor, the way you handle
those kids, your poise, your charm.

The way you dress on a teacher's salary.

Argyle, it always made me crazy.

Paula, I think I should tell you. I know
what you're going to say, Gabe. You're

married and you love your wife, but...
Paula, look, let me finish.

All right, Gabe, I'm sorry. Go ahead.
What were you going to say?

I'm married. I love my wife.

You, your sense of humor.

Oh, Gaby, Gaby, you're wonderful.

You're everything I've always wanted in
a man.

Well, believe me, you wouldn't like me.

I mean, I got a lot of problems.

I tell bad jokes.

It doesn't matter.

I eat crackers in bed.

I eat crackers, too. I'm used to crumbs
in bed.

I understand.

Paula? Yes?

You sure it was nothing physical?

Yes, I'm sure.

Oh. Nothing physical at all.

Nothing.

I heard about Epstein's picture.

Where is the Picasso of pornography?

Now, Mr. Woodman, pornography is
determined now by community standards.

Who came up with that garbage?

Supreme Court.

What can nine old men know about smut?

I want to take that picture to a higher
authority principal last week.

At last I've got something to nail one
of you sweat -outs.

Oh, but Mr. Woodman, Rembrandt painted
plenty of nude.

Well, I want to see Rembrandt in my
office, too.

You think he's a real person?

Hey,

you guys don't know what's going on up
there.

Epstein, I think you better forget about
going to Puerto Rico. Mr. Woodman, he

found out.

I think you better go to Israel and
check up on your other roots.

Will you just forget about that? Listen
to this.

Miss Holtzgang's hitting on Carter.

You bet. Yeah. She just said that she's
fallen in love with him.

Now, why would she do that?

Because she's an art teacher. She smells
all that turpentine. Makes you weird.

Get this.

They started kissing.

Kissing what?

Kissing each other.

Where?

In the classroom, dummy.

You mean they was kissing each other's
classrooms?

Maybe it's his birthday.

Hey, listen, it was no birthday kiss. It
straightened his hair.

is not going to be too thrilled when she
hears about this.

Well, why would Mr. Cartier do it?

Him? Why would she do it?

Well, I'm sure it's nothing physical.

Come on, come on. The man is obviously
turned on.

Now, the point is, we got to do
something else that's going to wreck his

marriage. You know, he's right.

If the Cartiers broke up, who would get
custody of us?

nobody wanted us.

We'd all end up in a sweat orphanage.

Maybe we could find her another guy.

Yeah, somebody she can't resist, huh?

I know what you guys are thinking.

What?

It's obvious to me. You want me to do
it, right? You want me to get in there

give him a Vinnie Barbarino smile?

My Vinnie Barberino walk, right?

Bye, guys. I'll see you tomorrow.

Well, go on. Get going. Go ahead.

For Mr.

Cocktail, for Mrs.

Cocktail. And for the little infant
Cardo, too.

All right, all right. I'll do it. I'll
do it.

But you better not fall in love with me
too long.

I got a date with Dolores on Tuesday.

Hey, Miss Holtzman.

Yes, ma 'am?

I used the wrong one.

I've got to use my special Vinnie
Barbarino over 21 walk.

Vinnie, are you sure you don't want to
pass to the nurse's office?

How do you like that?

She'll never get over me by Tuesday.

What are you talking about?

She walked away from you.

Well, it takes a while. By the time she
gets to the corner, it'll hit her.

She'll come running back.

She's almost at the corner.

She's waiting.

Like she's got the exact change.

I sat around thinking about names for
the baby.

Now, look, I've thought of this new
name, and I want you to sit or stand,

about it, and don't react, okay?

Sylvester!

When can I react?

Think about it a little more.

If it's a boy, we'll call him Farrah
Fawcett Cotter.

No, we can't. He'll have to have his
hair done every 15 minutes.

How was your day, honey?

Oh, the usual.

Kids got a little crazy.

Women got a little hostile.

Oh, yeah, and the art teacher told me
she loves me.

Oh, that's nice.

Why don't you sit down and have your
dinner here? Start on the grapefruit.

infatuations go on all the time.

Yeah, I know.

Smells good. What are we having for
dinner?

Um, let's see.

Meatloaf and baked potato and spinach.

Our teacher, huh?

Yeah.

Did you remember the French bread?

Mm -hmm.

Yes, it's heating up.

Does our teacher have a name?

Yeah.

Do I smell garlic butter? Did you make
garlic butter, honey? Oh, thank you.

Gabriel.

What? is the name of this art teacher
who says she's in love with you?

Her name is Paula Holskang.

She's 26 years old. I think I said ten
words to her my entire life. All of a

sudden today, she comes to my class and
she tells me she's in love with me.

I tell her I'm happily married, she
leaves, and I hope that's the end of it.

I'm just being silly.

I'll check the garlic bread.

Is she pretty?

Is she prettier than me?

Can I have a piece of French bread?

Is she prettier than me?

Different type.

She's prettier than me.

I don't know, Julie. I don't care. I
don't love her. I love you.

Well, Gabe, why don't you just go over
to her house and have her draw

you? A piece of garlic bread.

Because you're not getting any here.

Or anything else, for that matter.

I'll see you later.

Where are you going?

I am going where I always go when we
have an argument at a candy store. I

get a soda. I'll give you a chance to
calm down. I'll calm down. And I'll be

back in 15 minutes.

Oh, we was just passing by, huh? Figured
you might be going out tonight.

Yeah, we wouldn't want you to get mugged
or nothing like that.

Yeah, we thought we'd walk you wherever
you have to go.

Just in case you go someplace you
shouldn't be.

I am going to get a soda.

Sure, it'd be good. The boy's sure he's
going to get a soda.

Who the hell is going on here?

Is everybody going crazy?

double. Let's go.

All right, out of here.

Out with it fast. What's happening here?

Listen, Mr. Carter, I heard everything.

I was right outside your door. We know
all about you and Miss Holt's gang.

You're outside my door eavesdropping,
huh?

Oh, don't think of it as eavesdropping.

Think of it as spawning.

We'll talk about that later, little boat
peep.

Right now, come over here. For your
information, I told Julie everything

went on between me and Miss Holsky.

Julie,

Epstein was outside the door. I want you
to tell her exactly what you heard.

Every detail, the truth. Go ahead.

Well, it all started with this highly
expressive drawing I drew in art class.

Forget about that drawing!

Miss Holtzgang told Mr. Carter she loved
him.

And then he said he hoped there wouldn't
be a garbage strike.

And she said she loved him again, and he
said he hoped there wouldn't be a

garbage strike again.

And she kissed him.

And, uh... That's

when I left.

20 minutes later, she came downstairs.

What?

Julie, I'm sorry. I forgot about the
kiss.

You forgot about the kiss.

Is there anything else you forgot, like
homework at her place?

Guys, I think you'd better leave. I'll
see you tomorrow.

Look, Mr. Cotter, I never ratted on
anybody, and you always told me the

would never hurt anybody, right?

Epstein is a time and a place for
everything.

Yeah.

Okay, Mr. Cotter, we're going to leave.

But before we leave, you want us to make
your bed on the fire escape?

Oh, Mrs. Cotter, I tried to break it up.

I used my over -21 lock and everything.

But she wouldn't buy it.

That Miss Holskam, she's a very cold
person.

She'll drop them in a week.

Maybe even three days. Maybe even
tomorrow she'll drop them.

Mrs. Carter!

Threaten us.

The same thing happened to Mary Hartman,
Mary Hartman.

Only her husband, her husband came back.

Julie, I didn't tell you about the kiss
because, one, it meant nothing to me.

Two, I knew it would put you in a chair
staring at me like you are now, like I'm

some kind of criminal.

Julie, if you don't trust me, especially
at a time like this in our lives,

then we're nowhere.

Oh, okay, honey.

I trust you. I'm sorry.

Not so chummy. See, I planned on being
mad for at least another 15 minutes.

Can we eat first and have medical
dessert?

Okay, I'll go check the garlic bread.

So, what color were our eyes?

Please, I got a class coming in five
minutes. Don't worry, Gabe. This won't

long. I've been thinking about what I
said to you yesterday, and I was wrong.

We were wrong.

We should have never started.

Who started?

Dr. C, it was just a crazy fling.

It wasn't a fling. It wasn't even a
toss.

We were doomed from the start.

Don't ask me why.

Something you said.

Something I said.

Just... Well, what about all we meant

to each other?

We'll always have the memories, Gabe.
That's what's important.

Take care of yourself, Mr. Carter.

the children yeah

she

dumped me hey come on boobie don't feel
bad now yeah you still got us

i feel a lot better now

Julie, did I ever tell you about my Aunt
Mabel who went to see this big, fancy

psychiatrist on Park Avenue?

No.

Go ahead.

Okay, she goes to this big, fancy
psychiatrist on Park Avenue, she walks

door, and she sees two more doors.

Amazing. Isn't it amazing? One says
consultant, the other one says analyst.

Well, which one does she go into? She
goes into the one that says analyst.

Then as soon as she gets in there, she
sees two more doors.

Yeah. You want to know what they say?

Sure, what do they say? One says with
couch, and one says without couch.

Which one does she pick?

She goes into the one that says with
couch. And as soon as she gets in there,

she sees two more doors.

One says really sick, and the other one
says just kidding around.

Okay.

Which one does she pick?

Well, you know my family. She goes into
one that says really sick. Yes. Okay.

And as soon as she gets in there, she
sees two more doors.

One says income over $35 ,000 a year,
and one says income under $35 ,000 a

She goes into one that says income under
$35 ,000 a year, and she finds herself

back on Park Avenue.

Welcome back.

Your dreams were your ticket out.

Welcome back to that same old place that
you laughed about.

Well, the names have all changed since
you hung around.

But those dreams have remained and
they've turned around.

Who'd have thought they'd lead ya?

Who'd have thought they'd lead ya? Back
here where we need ya. Back here where

we need ya. We tease him a lot cause we
got him on the spot.

Welcome back.

Welcome back. Welcome back. Welcome
back.

Welcome back. Welcome back. Welcome
back.

We always could find a friend.

Welcome back.