All language subtitles for welcome_back_kotter_s02e15_sweatgate_scandal

Julie, did I ever tell you about my
uncle who was a hunter?

Your uncle was a cotter, Danny.

Very funny, Julie.

I know. My uncle, Carl Cotter, was a
hunter. Not really, but my aunt Kay made

him a hunter because he didn't have a
hobby and she thought it'd be nice if he

took up hunting, right?

Bought him a gun. She said, go out in
the woods and find some game.

What did he find?

Well, he was in the woods and this
beautiful girl comes out of the bush and

she's wearing this beautiful hunter
outfit, right?

Well, what happened?

Well, he looked at her.

And he said, are you game?

And she said, yes.

So we shot her.

Welcome back.

Your dreams were your ticket out.

Welcome back.

To that same old place that you laughed
about.

Well, the names have all changed since
you hung around.

But those dreams have remained and
they've turned around.

Who'd have thought they'd need ya?

Who'd have thought they'd need ya? Back
here where we need ya. Back here where

we need ya. Yeah, we tease him a lot.
Cause we got him on the spot. Welcome

back.

Welcome back.

Welcome back, welcome back.

Look at this. Look at this. The school
newspaper's doing it again. They're

putting down a sweat hog.

Boom, boom, blows. Big game as Buchanan
basketballers bow.

Oh, poor Freddy.

Who lets him write this junk?

Who else? The faculty advisor?

Oh, yeah?

We're going to have to get Carter after
him. Oh, we can't. Why not?

Carter is the faculty advisor.

Freddy, my little Afro -American amigo.

Oh, Freddy, Freddy, Freddy.

I'm so sorry.

I mean about boom, boom, blows, big
game.

Bad break, buckaroo.

I don't worry about it, Freddy.

Most guys go through their whole life
never even getting a chance to blow that

big game.

Print something like this.

Boom, boom, blows. Big game. I don't, I
don't, I don't, I don't.

Go ahead.

Can we say that one more time?

You know what the next headline's going
to read?

What?

Horshack hospitalizes heavy hammer hits
head high.

You got me?

Look. Gotcha.

I'm sorry about the game, Freddie, but
I'm an advisor, not a censor.

Hard, Judy, and the rest of the kids
down at the Bugle, they have a right to

their opinion.

Oh, yeah, but not like this. Listen to
this.

Last night, Freddy was so bad, the only
dribbling he did was down the front of

his shirt.

Hey, Mr. Cartier, I ain't no sore loser,
but it just ain't basketball.

They blame everything on us.

Everything.

Everything? Come on, guys. You know
that's not true.

Oh, yeah?

Then how come the last time there was
a...

clips, the headline ran, Sweathog's
White Son.

Now, I told them not to print that, but
they had proof.

Hey, did you see this on the front page?

Listen to this.

Principal Lazarus's office was broken
into last night, and some of his

confidential files were stolen.

They probably blamed that on us, too.

Come on, you guys are getting paranoid.

Now, they're not going to blame you for
the Lazarus break -in.

All right, Carter.

Which one of you sweat hogs is guilty of
the Lazarus break -in?

Mr. Woodman, why do you blame everything
that goes wrong around here on the

sweat hogs? You're right. I shouldn't
jump to conclusions about your students.

Where were you last night?

I was at a PTA meeting, Mr. Woodman. One
of the few who showed up for your

speech. Self -defense with a number two
pencil?

Look, all I know is Principal Lazarus
ordered me to make a full investigation

this burglary. And as long as I'm vice
principal, there will be no whitewash at

Buchanan.

Oh, uh, Washington.

Boom, boom, blows big game as Buchanan
basketball is fouled. I love that, uh,

dribbling down the shirt line.

Ha, ha, ha!

I gotta get you a bib.

You getting a bib?

Thinking one of us and Steeler is
dumbfiles.

I mean, that's really an insult.

What was in them, Epstein?

Now, wait a second now, wait a second
now. I'm clean on this one.

See that, Mr. Katya?

I mean, even we're starting to think
everything's our fault.

Yeah, yeah, look, we're not responsible
for everything that goes wrong around

here.

Maybe about 75%.

Well, they may be 80.

I want to know why you people get blamed
for everything. Because you are never

around to defend yourselves.

You know, now, wait a second. Now, one
sweat hog works on the student

All right.

Tell you what I am going to do. Any
sweat hog who works on the school

I will give extra credit.

Extra credit?

I don't even care about the regular
credit.

Newspapers mold people's minds.

Who wants to make a moldy mind?

Don't you people understand?

Newspapers have changed history.

They've made kings, unseated presidents.

Newspapers have altered the course of
human events.

Hey, you're losing control. Somebody do
something.

wave for a while, but now I'm back.

I'm just trying to show you that
newspapers have real power.

Power. You hear that, Arnold? Power.

Sweathog power.

Power to the sweat hog.

Power to the sweat hog.

I can see it now. The New York Daily
Barbarino.

The first newspaper with a centerfold.

I'm saying use the press.

Don't abuse it.

Become part of it. Contribute to it.

Maybe do some investigative reporting,
huh? Find out who's responsible for the

Lazarus break -in. Oh, it's just like
all the president's men.

All right, but I get to be Robert
Redford.

And I get to be Dustin Hoffman.

You don't look like Dustin Hoffman.

It's called Fiddler on My Sister.

And, Todd, I want you to follow up any
leads on the Principal Lazarus burglary,

okay? Right. Good.

Hi, Judy.

Oh, hi, Mr. Carter. Look, I brought some
new recruits for the paper.

school crime beat. That way they can be
right there to report on themselves.

Excuse me a minute.

I have a word with you, Todd.

In your ear with Rosie Gray.

Why don't you have a seat right here,
Mr. Washington.

Mr. Washington would like to write the
school sports page.

And I would like to be the Buchanan
gossip columnist.

I happen to know where all the bodies
are buried around here.

Sure you do. Like you and that little
cheerleader from Rod McEwen High School

Scarsdale, Todd.

fancy Park Avenue plastic surgeon who's
using your old nose as his waiting room.

Just have a seat right over here, Rona
Horshack.

I don't know about the sweat hogs on the
school paper. Oh, Jenny Judy, don't you

worry about it. It's going to work out
just fine, and I have something else for

you. What every newspaper needs.

Your own team of crack investigative
reporters.

Vinnie Barbarino and Juan Epstein.

Hey,

don't worry, Chief.

We're going to get the story on this
last as it's breaking.

Hey, Epstein, why don't you just save
time and confess?

Hey, Todd, as we say in the newspaper
biz, put your Sunday times where the sun

don't shine.

How much did they take?

No money. Just 40 pounds of raw liver.

Who would want 40 pounds of raw liver?

Maybe some crazed delicatessen owner.

We don't hurry. By tomorrow, that liver
could be chopped up and in sandwiches

all over Brooklyn.

That's chief.

Come on, Vinnie, let's follow up our
leads.

Right.

What leads?

Oh, yeah.

Well, in that case, let's go have lunch.

Oh, Carter, Lazarus tells me you're
faculty advisor to the bugle this month.

That's right, Mr. Woodman. We're going
to get to the bottom of this break -in.

Don't worry. Yeah, me and Vinnie are
going to investigate the pants office.

Yeah. Well, Principal Lazarus has
thought it over, and he wants the

investigation dropped.

What for?

For a very good reason.

He said so.

Wait a second. We've been working on
this thing all day.

What's going on here, Mr. Woodman? Well,
I don't seem to be getting through to

you people. Let me phrase it in sweat
hog terms.

Put a cork in it, clowns.

What's the matter, Mr. Woodman?

A little too much heat in the kitchen?

Yeah, Mr. Woodman, the kids are
getting... A cork, Carter.

Cork it.

Why don't you just let him try? Cork it.

This looks like a tip on the Lazarus
breaking.

Yeah, and it's signed Deep Trout.

I was looking over my shoulder.

I'm not sure of any, but I think it's
me.

on Horschak's Twitter.

I do want to catch up to it.

All

right,

what's going on? Oh, look, I'm sorry to
get you down here, Mr. Carter. Yeah, but

the paper goes to press tonight, and we
need the faculty advisor's approval.

before we can print this story and allow
this break -in.

That's all right. I was just home
telling my wife a joke.

In a tuxedo?

Yeah, well, once a week we play
nightclub.

I get dressed in a tuxedo and tell Julie
jokes, and she sits there and heckles

me in an evening gown.

All right, let me read this. I got to
get back for the 11 o 'clock show.

Yeah, I understand. You marry people,
you do things like that, right?

Otherwise, you get real bored.

Yeah, sure.

So what do you think of the story, huh?

Hey, we can blow the roof right off
Buchanan.

You sure your facts here, Juan?

Hey, you gotta be 18 to get into your
nightclub.

I was only kidding, Vinny. I was at a
wedding.

Oh, that's too bad.

If you ever do that, let me know.

Because I'd love to come over and play
busboy.

So, come on, what do you think of this
story? Can we print it?

Let me get this straight.

You're saying that the liver robbery and
the Lazarus break -in are connected.

Right, right.

You see, some big shot down at the
school board hasn't been buying real

Now, he's been buying something called
texture protein.

Looks and tastes like real liver, except
it's cheaper.

In other words, every Tuesday, instead
of not eating liver, I've been not

textured protein.

Yeah, and that somebody has been
pocketing the difference, and the files

were stolen from Lazarus' office,
they're going to prove it.

If what you're saying here is true,
Epstein, then somebody at the Buchanan

administration had to know about it.
Right.

And that somebody's being covered up by
the Mr. Big at the school board.

You've got to be sure of your facts
before you can print a story like this.

this is hot stuff.

How reliable are your sources?

Why don't you just come out and decide
for yourself?

Yeah, he's waiting out in the hall right
now.

Now look, we can't get too close. He
wants to keep his identity a secret.

So walk this way.

What do you think? What do you think?
Yeah, come on. Can we print it?

You realize it came straight from the
top to Corker, right? Yeah, yeah, but

on. Wait a second. Yeah, yeah, Epstein.

If you guys are wrong, I could lose my
job.

And you know what they'd do to you.

What?

Put us in a dumber class?

Look, Mr. Carter, you got us started on
this newspaper thing. Now what do you

want us to back down?

I'm not saying back down. I just want
you to know everything that's involved

here.

I believe the story.

Well, don't just stand there. Go with
it.

I don't believe it!

How could you print this?

My article's the truth, Ludlow.

I'm not talking about your article,
Epstein. I'm talking about...

Horseshack's gossip column.

You mean up Arnold's alley?

What well -known Buchanan figure was
just dumped on by his cheerleader

girlfriend from Scarsdale?

Hint, his initials are Todd and Lolo.

Principal Ismus wants to know if Captain
Epstein and Barbarino have permission

to print this article about the break
-in.

That's right, Mr. Woodman.

Mr. Woodman!

conspiracy,

illegal possession of liver.

Hey, don't let them come down on you
like that, Mr. Carter. Yeah. They should

put those guys in jail and throw away
the key.

Yeah. Now, now, now, Juan, you hot
-blooded young Turk.

I'm a Puerto Rican Jew.

The same thing.

Your blood is hot.

Now, look, Principal Lazarus is
grateful.

The board is conducting a full -scale
investigation which will have his

cooperation. Well, it's over.

I think you've made things pretty hot
for old Lazarus. He'll rue the day they

made him principal over me.

You see this? This is what I was talking
about. This is the power of the press.

Exposing corruption, unseating the
mighty, and bringing them before the bar

justice. See, he's out of control again.

I'm back.

Well, anyway, this board member will
undoubtedly have to resign.

Oh, Principal Lazarus told me to assure
all of you that from now on you'll be

getting real liver every week. I hate
liver.

But it's better than that textured
protein stuff.

I love textured protein.

It has a nice texture.

You know what puzzles me? What's that?
Who was Deep Throat?

You could call me Deep.

Is you, Mr. Woodman?

Oh, you can call me throat.

That's the voice.

That's it. Oh, you can call me DT.

Oh, that was Woodman.

All right, well, forget about that for a
second.

Listen, guys, I got to tell you a joke
about my Uncle Max who hired some

investigative reporters.

Oh, please.

No, no, you guys are going to like this
joke. It's a good joke. See, he was a

barber, right? And one day this guy
comes into a shop. He says, how long do

have to wait to get a haircut?

So Uncle Max says, well, about an hour.
The guy leaves. Comes back the next day.

How long do I have to wait to get a
haircut?

Max says, about an hour. Guy leaves.
This goes on for a week. Every day, how

long to get a haircut? About an hour,
guy leaves.

Uncle Max is getting curious, so he
hires an investigative reporter to find

what was going on. It's just like you
and me, Vinnie. So what happened?

Investigative reporter follows the guy,
goes back to my uncle's barbershop.

Uncle Max said, well, did you find out
where the guy goes when he leaves here?

Reporter said, yeah, to your house.

Welcome back.

Your dreams were your ticket out.

Welcome back to that same old place that
you laughed about.

Well, the names have all changed since
you hung around.

But those dreams have remained and
they've turned around.

Who'd have thought they'd lead ya?

Who'd have thought they'd lead ya? Back
here where we need ya. Back here.

Welcome back. Welcome back. Welcome
back.

Welcome back.