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Julie. What?
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My aunt goes into a pet store with my
little cousin.
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Terrific. She says, look at this turtle.
He bought this turtle here just two
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00:00:08,550 --> 00:00:09,710
weeks ago. Look at it, mister!
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It's got blisters on the bottom of its
feet!
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Look,
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lady, I sold turtles for 37 years.
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I never saw a turtle that had blisters
on the bottom of its feet. We wouldn't
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sell a turtle like that. But all right,
look, I remember he bought it here. I'll
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give you another turtle.
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Here's another turtle to the little boy.
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Little boy lights up, he goes, oh boy,
look, another turtle truck.
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Ba -doom, ba -doom, ba -doom, ba -doom.
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Welcome back.
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Your dreams were your ticket out.
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Welcome back.
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To that same old place that you laughed
about.
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Well, the names have all changed since
you hung around.
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But those dreams have remained and
they've turned around.
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Who'd have thought they'd need ya? Who'd
have thought they'd need ya? Back here
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where we need ya. Back here where we
need ya. We tease him a lot cause we got
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him on the spot.
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Welcome back.
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Welcome back.
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Welcome back. Welcome.
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Let's thank Mr. Ferguson for his career
day talk on radio, How to Be a DJ for
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Big Pay.
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Hooray!
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Oh, very instructive, Mr.
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Ferguson.
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But tell me, do you think that with my
voice, I, too, could have a rewarding
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career as a big -time DJ?
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Absolutely not, little fella.
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But for the rest of you boys and girls,
if you learn your top 40, you practice
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saying things like, here's Elvis, he's
the king, or the Long Island Expressway
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is blocked up from the Bronx to Montauk,
you too can have an exciting and
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rewarding career in big -time radio.
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Well, that's about all I have.
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00:02:44,750 --> 00:02:47,610
Say, guys and gals, catch you on the
flip side. All right.
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00:02:50,690 --> 00:02:52,450
He's a very interesting guy, isn't he?
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00:02:54,890 --> 00:02:56,270
Hey, you know what I noticed, Mr.
Carter?
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All these dudes you got coming in for
career day, they got one thing in
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They all make more money than you.
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Carter?
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This is your next career day speaker,
Mr.
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Takahashi from Bonyari Industries Tokyo.
He's an inventor.
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Oh, nice to meet you. And you too.
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Try to control your beasts, Cutter.
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Remember, they're sweat hogs.
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Don't turn your back on them.
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Pretend we're still at war.
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Sweat hogs? That's my class's nickname.
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I come often to New York on business,
and I want to get to know America
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Soon we may be buying Brooklyn.
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Mr. Takahashi, why don't you begin your
career day talk?
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I'm really interested in inventions.
This should be great.
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Oh, certainly.
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00:04:03,450 --> 00:04:09,890
All right, class. I am an inventor and
with one of the world's largest
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manufacturers of electronics.
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Is he all right?
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It's about as all right as he ever gets.
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Oh, I thought it was a duck trying to
commit harakiri.
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Oh, I got a question about your career.
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Yes? How come you're so short?
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Oh, no.
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00:04:40,250 --> 00:04:41,950
That's all right, Mr. Cotter.
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It's not that I am so short. It's that
here you are all abnormally tall.
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I got a question.
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You ever been to one of them geisha
houses?
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Geisha houses?
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00:04:57,830 --> 00:04:59,710
Vinnie, what does that have to do with
Mr.
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Takahashi's career?
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Nothing. It's just that if I'm ever in
Japan, I always want to know where I
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could go to have a good time.
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00:05:07,330 --> 00:05:11,330
Mr. Takahashi, why don't you tell us
about some of your inventions?
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Yes, certainly.
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Well, I invented the digital readout
remote control hydroscope.
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Yes, I made that up. I'm an inventor.
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What gives me greatest pleasure are
things I invent for personal amusement.
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00:05:33,520 --> 00:05:34,520
What?
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Transistorized underwear radio.
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Underwear radio.
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00:05:41,720 --> 00:05:43,000
Can you get FM?
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Yes, I can get FM. I can get on a clear
day Guam.
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Am I sitting in a subway and the lady
next to me hear Wolfman Jack howling in
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pants?
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00:06:03,580 --> 00:06:04,980
Hey, you got him on now?
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00:06:05,440 --> 00:06:06,440
Uh, yes.
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00:06:06,960 --> 00:06:09,900
Come on, play. Yeah, let's have a little
demonstration.
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00:06:10,240 --> 00:06:15,100
Come on, come on. All right, all right,
all right. Suppose you are in a crowded
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subway and you wish to dance.
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Subway has no stereo.
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00:06:38,830 --> 00:06:40,310
The guy's got a few batteries loose.
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00:06:40,770 --> 00:06:42,910
Hey, I hate to see him try to change
stations.
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00:06:45,070 --> 00:06:49,190
I can see I'm not appreciated here. I'll
go to another class.
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Short people are so sensitive.
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00:06:57,510 --> 00:07:00,970
What did he say?
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00:07:01,350 --> 00:07:04,650
I think that was Japanese for rub your
nose with a rubber hose.
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00:07:17,900 --> 00:07:18,900
Mr.
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Whitman, my class is here because they
have something to say to Mr. Takahashi.
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00:07:26,840 --> 00:07:29,800
My class has something to say to Mr.
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Takahashi.
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What?
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I'm going to apologize.
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When?
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Right now.
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00:07:45,200 --> 00:07:47,560
I apologize for the way I acted in the
classroom.
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00:07:51,360 --> 00:07:55,940
Yeah, that's right. Mr. Carter explained
to us that you went out of your way to
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try and to teach us something.
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Mr.
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Takahashi.
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I, too, would like to extend my apology
if I in any...
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He offended you.
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I am truly
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sorry you're so short.
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Arnold.
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Mr.
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Takahashi, I think what my friend
Arnold's trying to say is, look, we're
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sorry if we're not good students, right?
But what kind of students can you
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expect on the money they pay teachers?
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How much do American teachers make?
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accept your apology.
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00:09:32,080 --> 00:09:36,080
Mr. Carter, you are a very persuasive
man.
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What Americans call a can -do kind of
guy.
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I'm looking for such a man to head my
sales staff in my new branch in Chicago.
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I even come up with a fancy title, Vice
President in Charge of Can -Do.
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Well, thanks a lot, Mr. Takahashi, but
I'm happy here with the sweat hogs.
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For, say, twice your prison salary?
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00:10:01,790 --> 00:10:07,890
Mr. Takahashi, obviously you do not
understand
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what a dedicated educator Mr.
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Carter is.
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Just a second, Arnold.
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You say two times?
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00:10:18,330 --> 00:10:22,050
Yes. Mr. Carter will have absolutely
nothing to do with that.
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00:10:22,490 --> 00:10:24,890
Right, I make the offer three times.
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No dice.
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Shut up, Horsher!
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00:10:31,020 --> 00:10:33,800
Pension plan, stock option, and the
parking place.
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00:10:35,660 --> 00:10:36,780
I don't even have a car.
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00:10:37,260 --> 00:10:38,260
And a car.
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00:10:39,120 --> 00:10:40,120
Me.
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No, we, baby.
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No, we.
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You don't understand something.
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There ain't nothing you're going to say
that'll make Mr. Carter leave us. I know
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00:10:48,700 --> 00:10:49,700
that. That's right.
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What kind of a car?
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I'll handle this. A stick shift?
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00:10:58,570 --> 00:11:00,990
You know, I might be available for that
position myself.
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00:11:03,590 --> 00:11:06,130
And I'm sure it should make you feel
right at home.
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00:11:07,790 --> 00:11:11,390
I'll be in New York all week, Mr.
Cutter. At least think about it.
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I'll work for less than Cutter.
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00:11:18,430 --> 00:11:24,930
Imagine the nerve of that guy, huh?
Trying to lure you from the bowels of
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Buchanan.
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00:11:26,190 --> 00:11:27,190
And for what?
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00:11:27,790 --> 00:11:32,510
What? Yeah. Three times my present
salary, stock options and pension, a
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00:11:32,530 --> 00:11:34,470
right? Probably with bucket seats.
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00:11:34,790 --> 00:11:36,150
I always imagine my seat in a bucket.
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I -S -H.
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Nebish.
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concentrate, Julie. I keep thinking
about that job.
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The money. What do it mean?
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Getting out of this crummy neighborhood.
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This dopey one -room apartment.
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I think you should grab it.
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And leave all this?
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That is why I never give you my opinion.
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Because you never listen to me.
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Come again?
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I want your opinion.
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00:12:31,340 --> 00:12:33,500
Can I please have your opinion, Mrs.
Carter?
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00:12:33,760 --> 00:12:36,620
I think it would be great to move to
Chicago.
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00:12:37,020 --> 00:12:40,380
And I think it would be great for you to
be paid a lot of money.
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00:12:41,120 --> 00:12:44,960
I'm not greedy, Gabe, but just think of
the possibilities.
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A second pair of shoes.
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Two rooms.
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00:12:54,360 --> 00:12:57,440
Gabe, our kitchen wouldn't be in our
living room anymore.
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Yeah, I know what you mean.
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It'd be terrific to go to sleep one
night without having to listen to the
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marinade.
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00:13:11,220 --> 00:13:12,980
Ah, good evening, Mr. Carter.
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00:13:13,240 --> 00:13:13,859
Ah, Mr.
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Takahashi, come in.
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00:13:15,220 --> 00:13:17,400
Um, you wish me to remove my shoes?
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00:13:18,120 --> 00:13:19,640
No, not unless you stepped in something.
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00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:25,300
Mr. Takahashi, I'd like you to meet my
wife, Julie. This is Mr.
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Takahashi. Ah, I'm honored.
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00:13:27,180 --> 00:13:28,180
How do you do?
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00:13:28,869 --> 00:13:32,090
Mr. Cutter, as you wished, I have come
for your answer.
190
00:13:32,630 --> 00:13:35,190
Mr. Takahashi, I haven't made up my mind
yet.
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00:13:35,690 --> 00:13:37,390
You've got to give me a little more
time.
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00:13:39,210 --> 00:13:40,210
Excuse me.
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00:13:42,350 --> 00:13:45,190
That car, would it be a convertible?
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Anything you wish.
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00:13:55,630 --> 00:13:58,090
You're looking for the Kung Fu studio.
It's in the basement.
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00:14:01,190 --> 00:14:07,950
Konnichiwa. I wanted to talk to you once
more about this job before
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00:14:07,950 --> 00:14:09,830
you give it to Carter and make a big
mistake.
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00:14:10,830 --> 00:14:12,970
I once made a big mistake.
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00:14:13,330 --> 00:14:14,330
Oh?
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00:14:14,530 --> 00:14:18,930
I once picked up a hitchhiker outside of
Osaka who looked just like you.
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00:14:21,790 --> 00:14:24,350
Believe me, I'd be perfect for the job.
202
00:14:24,830 --> 00:14:27,190
I just like this all the time when I'm
not in school.
203
00:14:28,450 --> 00:14:29,850
Hey, you know, um...
204
00:14:30,400 --> 00:14:33,840
Personally, I... Never mind at Pearl
Harbor.
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00:14:35,220 --> 00:14:37,100
I think they blew it out of proportion.
206
00:14:39,660 --> 00:14:46,600
I bet I could learn to
207
00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:47,600
like raw fish.
208
00:14:59,640 --> 00:15:03,120
Mr. Takahashi, you'll have my answer by
the end of the day.
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00:15:04,420 --> 00:15:07,100
Come on, why don't you take a bite of
the sweat hog? All right.
210
00:15:11,340 --> 00:15:13,640
Oh, no, the sweat hog.
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00:15:14,180 --> 00:15:16,280
He decided to fight for our teacher.
212
00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:18,400
Yeah, yeah, if you want to take away Mr.
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00:15:18,620 --> 00:15:19,620
Carter, that means war.
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00:15:20,100 --> 00:15:23,720
Look, I know what you're trying to do,
and I really appreciate it, but...
215
00:15:51,880 --> 00:15:57,020
If boy wear a plastic wig too tight, cut
off circulation to brain, he become
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00:15:57,020 --> 00:15:58,020
village idiot.
217
00:15:59,720 --> 00:16:01,220
Ah, so.
218
00:16:02,260 --> 00:16:03,820
Thank you, master.
219
00:16:04,220 --> 00:16:06,600
That explain dizziness.
220
00:16:07,700 --> 00:16:14,400
Strange boy, Mr. Carter, strange.
221
00:16:16,200 --> 00:16:19,100
If you think he's strange, take a look
at what's coming through the door.
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00:16:26,480 --> 00:16:27,520
cookies I baked for you.
223
00:16:30,140 --> 00:16:33,300
Porsche, you trying out for the job,
too?
224
00:16:36,100 --> 00:16:41,040
Please, please, I did not mean to bring
such discord to your class.
225
00:16:41,360 --> 00:16:46,800
Ah, well, as Confucius once said, you
done gone and did it, baby.
226
00:16:48,780 --> 00:16:50,280
I totally understand.
227
00:16:50,600 --> 00:16:54,980
You see, your class does not wish to
lose their teacher, and it is all my
228
00:16:55,040 --> 00:16:56,040
but...
229
00:16:56,110 --> 00:16:58,390
Let us examine what has happened here.
230
00:16:58,850 --> 00:17:00,610
I am a nice person.
231
00:17:01,070 --> 00:17:06,130
I am not a bad guy. I come to Buchanan
High Talk on career day about what I do
232
00:17:06,130 --> 00:17:06,969
as inventor.
233
00:17:06,970 --> 00:17:07,970
What do I find?
234
00:17:09,190 --> 00:17:10,930
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.
235
00:17:12,470 --> 00:17:14,710
Make me want to look on the table for
egg.
236
00:17:16,270 --> 00:17:18,190
Makes I get remedial academics.
237
00:17:18,450 --> 00:17:19,930
All about jargon.
238
00:17:20,190 --> 00:17:22,050
Reiterate. We the sweat hogs.
239
00:17:25,450 --> 00:17:27,730
in Geisha House. That's nobody's
business.
240
00:17:28,069 --> 00:17:32,270
Except mine and the girl I met in Osaka
named Hapanaka.
241
00:17:33,650 --> 00:17:36,630
Then you ask me, go ahead, demonstrate
inventions.
242
00:17:37,130 --> 00:17:40,090
Sure, I do. I'm a nice person. Can you
get FM?
243
00:17:40,430 --> 00:17:45,450
I give you FM and a good joke about
Wolfman Jack, but nobody appreciates
244
00:17:45,490 --> 00:17:46,610
So I split.
245
00:17:46,870 --> 00:17:48,570
I go to another class.
246
00:17:48,930 --> 00:17:53,300
I'm still offended, but... I accept your
apology and offer Mr.
247
00:17:53,500 --> 00:17:57,560
Carter a job two, three times his salary
with stock option, pension plan,
248
00:17:57,740 --> 00:17:58,740
parking space.
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00:17:58,860 --> 00:18:02,080
What do I get? Crazy vice principal.
Follow me around.
250
00:18:02,360 --> 00:18:06,360
Walk up and down my back dressed like a
samurai reject.
251
00:18:06,660 --> 00:18:11,880
What do I learn how to eat sashimi? I
don't want all those things. Come here.
252
00:18:12,100 --> 00:18:15,240
What do I see? Sesame Street doing
Madame Butterfly.
253
00:18:20,460 --> 00:18:22,840
Two simple things. An answer from Mr.
254
00:18:23,100 --> 00:18:26,500
Cotter and a chance to tell you for the
last time.
255
00:18:26,760 --> 00:18:27,760
Sayonara.
256
00:18:28,020 --> 00:18:29,020
Arrivederci. Shalom.
257
00:18:29,480 --> 00:18:33,140
Goodbye. Adios. And so long, sweat hogs.
258
00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:41,400
Look,
259
00:18:45,880 --> 00:18:47,160
I can straighten this whole thing out.
260
00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:49,600
You know what I forgot to do on career
day?
261
00:18:50,030 --> 00:18:51,490
I forgot to talk about my career.
262
00:18:51,930 --> 00:18:53,330
What it means to be a teacher.
263
00:18:53,810 --> 00:18:54,810
You're a teacher.
264
00:18:55,310 --> 00:18:57,970
Do you know how good I feel every time I
teach you people something?
265
00:18:58,310 --> 00:19:02,390
Do you know I feel good, really good,
when I help you to discover that you're
266
00:19:02,390 --> 00:19:04,370
smart, not dumb?
267
00:19:06,050 --> 00:19:07,050
I didn't know that.
268
00:19:07,730 --> 00:19:10,950
Son of a gun, you just did it again.
269
00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:19,960
I don't do it for money.
270
00:19:20,720 --> 00:19:22,720
You know that? Look at that cheap tie.
271
00:19:25,360 --> 00:19:26,380
Well, you'd be surprised.
272
00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:28,780
I learn things from you people, too.
273
00:19:29,200 --> 00:19:30,200
Yeah?
274
00:19:32,460 --> 00:19:33,760
What'd you ever learn from me?
275
00:19:36,400 --> 00:19:42,800
I'm sure someday there'll be something
that... Because, ladies and gentlemen,
276
00:19:42,880 --> 00:19:46,080
I am not leaving Buchanan.
277
00:19:50,320 --> 00:19:54,080
Mr. Takahashi, I'm a teacher. That's
what I should be, a teacher. And I want
278
00:19:54,080 --> 00:19:58,360
thank you for your generous offer, but I
know I'm a success every time I look at
279
00:19:58,360 --> 00:19:59,360
these faces.
280
00:20:03,320 --> 00:20:04,980
I'm really sorry to disappoint you.
281
00:20:05,660 --> 00:20:08,160
Ah, but you did not disappoint me.
282
00:20:08,460 --> 00:20:09,840
You've made me very happy.
283
00:20:10,740 --> 00:20:12,080
But I'm turning down the job.
284
00:20:12,780 --> 00:20:15,980
But you proved my judgment to be
correct.
285
00:20:16,680 --> 00:20:20,220
I selected a man of honor and integrity.
286
00:20:21,200 --> 00:20:23,580
Well, having money isn't everything.
287
00:20:24,360 --> 00:20:26,540
Not having money isn't everything
either.
288
00:20:27,700 --> 00:20:32,440
If you do impressions, very good. I do
impressions of tall people.
289
00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:34,140
James Cagney.
290
00:20:37,960 --> 00:20:40,660
You... You...
291
00:20:46,440 --> 00:20:47,440
Edward G. Robinson.
292
00:20:48,140 --> 00:20:49,700
All right, yeah, yeah.
293
00:20:51,600 --> 00:20:56,260
And Poki P.
294
00:20:59,360 --> 00:21:00,360
Sayonara.
295
00:21:02,160 --> 00:21:04,840
Mrs. Agahashi, you don't do impressions.
You do subtitles.
296
00:21:06,800 --> 00:21:10,700
Mr. Carter, I've had a great time. I
must catch my plane.
297
00:21:11,140 --> 00:21:12,140
Sayonara, sweetheart.
298
00:21:12,500 --> 00:21:13,500
Sayonara, brother.
299
00:21:38,700 --> 00:21:40,000
There's going to be a new Epstein.
300
00:21:40,320 --> 00:21:41,780
There's going to be a new Horschach.
301
00:21:43,620 --> 00:21:45,160
Well, maybe not a new Horschach.
302
00:21:47,000 --> 00:21:50,000
They're going to need teachers. They're
going to need people to mold their
303
00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:53,700
minds. I want you to consider the
rewarding career of being a teacher.
304
00:22:09,710 --> 00:22:14,550
help somebody with their education who
thought that they might go on to bigger
305
00:22:14,550 --> 00:22:16,230
and better things because of you.
306
00:22:16,710 --> 00:22:18,650
These reasons and many others.
307
00:22:19,670 --> 00:22:21,830
That's what I love about being a
teacher.
308
00:22:22,210 --> 00:22:23,210
Oh.
309
00:22:26,650 --> 00:22:28,950
Very boring, Mr. Carter.
310
00:22:29,970 --> 00:22:31,870
Boring, so boring.
311
00:22:33,770 --> 00:22:35,970
I'm excusing, Mr. Carter. I seem to have
missed.
312
00:22:36,170 --> 00:22:39,750
placed something. I think one of my
batteries fell from out of my shorts.
313
00:22:44,350 --> 00:22:45,350
Mrs.
314
00:22:45,890 --> 00:22:48,990
Takahashi, ever say about my Uncle Max
and his friend?
315
00:22:50,690 --> 00:22:53,370
Well, my Uncle Max and his friend are in
a Chinese restaurant and they're
316
00:22:53,370 --> 00:22:56,150
talking about politics and the whole
world situation and everything.
317
00:22:56,370 --> 00:23:00,230
And his friend says, do you know, Max,
that there's Jewish people all over the
318
00:23:00,230 --> 00:23:03,060
world? Do you know that there's Jewish
people in India, there's Indian Jews,
319
00:23:03,160 --> 00:23:06,480
there's Jewish people in Pakistan,
Pakistani Jews, there's even Chinese
320
00:23:07,120 --> 00:23:08,940
No. That's what Max said.
321
00:23:09,500 --> 00:23:12,320
No, there's no Chinese. What are you
talking about, Chinese Jews? There's no
322
00:23:12,320 --> 00:23:13,320
Chinese Jews.
323
00:23:13,340 --> 00:23:15,980
Calls over to wait it. He says, just a
second, could you come over here? We're
324
00:23:15,980 --> 00:23:18,580
having an argument. Could you tell us if
there's any Chinese Jews?
325
00:23:19,040 --> 00:23:20,600
Wait, he says, just a second, I find
out.
326
00:23:20,820 --> 00:23:23,980
Goes into the kitchen, comes back in a
minute. He says, no, so sorry, no
327
00:23:23,980 --> 00:23:26,080
Jews. We have prune Jews, tomato Jews.
328
00:23:48,750 --> 00:23:50,130
Welcome back.
329
00:23:51,150 --> 00:23:54,310
Your dreams were your ticket out.
330
00:23:55,250 --> 00:24:01,210
Welcome back to that same old place that
you laughed about.
331
00:24:02,010 --> 00:24:05,670
Well, the names have all changed since
you hung around.
332
00:24:06,350 --> 00:24:10,230
But those dreams have remained and
they've turned around.
333
00:24:11,330 --> 00:24:16,150
Who'd have thought they'd lead ya? Who'd
have thought they'd lead ya? Back here
334
00:24:16,150 --> 00:24:22,750
where we need ya. Back here Well, we
need to tease him a lot because we got
335
00:24:22,750 --> 00:24:24,950
on the spot. Welcome back.
336
00:24:25,630 --> 00:24:29,410
Welcome back. Welcome back. Welcome
back.
337
00:24:29,930 --> 00:24:33,550
Welcome back. Welcome back. Welcome
back.
338
00:24:34,730 --> 00:24:37,850
We all went to spot a friend.
339
00:24:38,830 --> 00:24:40,150
Welcome back.
340
00:24:40,810 --> 00:24:44,850
And I smile when I think I must have
been.
341
00:24:45,900 --> 00:24:49,440
And I know what it seemed you were
learning in.
342
00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:53,740
Was there something that made you come
back again?
343
00:24:54,300 --> 00:25:00,860
Then what could ever lead ya? What could
ever lead ya? Back here where we need
344
00:25:00,860 --> 00:25:03,280
ya. Back here where we need ya.
26945
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