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1
00:00:04,280 --> 00:00:07,320
Julie, ever tell you about the time I
went to visit my Uncle Mo Cotter in the
2
00:00:07,320 --> 00:00:08,640
hospital? No.
3
00:00:09,280 --> 00:00:12,860
Why don't you tell me about the time you
went to visit your Uncle Mo Cotter in
4
00:00:12,860 --> 00:00:13,860
the hospital?
5
00:00:14,500 --> 00:00:16,680
Well, I would be delighted to. Good.
6
00:00:18,080 --> 00:00:21,220
See, he was in an oxygen tent, and I
went to see him, and he looked up at me,
7
00:00:21,260 --> 00:00:22,440
and he said, Hello.
8
00:00:24,660 --> 00:00:25,660
Hello.
9
00:00:26,620 --> 00:00:27,620
Hello.
10
00:00:29,220 --> 00:00:30,580
What did that mean?
11
00:00:31,150 --> 00:00:33,910
That's what I asked my aunt. I said,
what is he trying to say?
12
00:00:34,470 --> 00:00:37,650
She said, he's saying air hose dummy is
stepping on the air hose.
13
00:00:44,050 --> 00:00:44,530
Welcome
14
00:00:44,530 --> 00:00:52,750
back.
15
00:00:54,150 --> 00:00:57,030
Your dreams were your ticket out.
16
00:00:58,270 --> 00:00:59,290
Welcome back.
17
00:01:00,270 --> 00:01:03,930
To that same old place that you laughed
about.
18
00:01:04,810 --> 00:01:08,390
Well, the names have all changed since
you hung around.
19
00:01:09,150 --> 00:01:12,870
But those dreams have remained and
they've turned around.
20
00:01:14,150 --> 00:01:18,850
Who'd have thought they'd lead ya? Who'd
have thought they'd lead ya? Back here
21
00:01:18,850 --> 00:01:25,150
where we need ya. Back here where we
need ya. We tease him a lot cause we got
22
00:01:25,150 --> 00:01:26,310
him on the spot.
23
00:01:26,530 --> 00:01:27,630
Welcome back.
24
00:01:28,560 --> 00:01:32,000
Welcome back, welcome back, welcome
back.
25
00:01:59,050 --> 00:02:00,170
Get your red hot test.
26
00:02:01,390 --> 00:02:03,610
What's that? You say you're not
satisfied.
27
00:02:03,870 --> 00:02:05,670
You say you want more for your money.
28
00:02:05,910 --> 00:02:08,130
All right, I'll tell you what I'm going
to do.
29
00:02:08,350 --> 00:02:12,910
With each and every test comes a coupon
entitling the bearer to a five -pound
30
00:02:12,910 --> 00:02:15,530
wedge of Fatshamata mozzarella cheese.
31
00:02:16,450 --> 00:02:20,890
This is the cheese that you hold up to
the light. And you see what little
32
00:02:20,890 --> 00:02:22,870
saw behind the barn door.
33
00:02:24,530 --> 00:02:28,150
Take a test and pass the rest. Take a
test and pass the rest.
34
00:02:28,570 --> 00:02:30,150
Hey, Mr. Carter, mine's blank here.
35
00:02:31,350 --> 00:02:32,350
Oh,
36
00:02:34,310 --> 00:02:36,130
yeah, this is one test I think I can
pass.
37
00:02:37,530 --> 00:02:38,810
Hey, they're all blank.
38
00:02:39,410 --> 00:02:41,370
Mine has a little note attached.
39
00:02:44,230 --> 00:02:45,230
Dear Mr.
40
00:02:45,370 --> 00:02:52,090
Carter, as usual, by the time I got
around to Mimeo -ing the test for your
41
00:02:52,090 --> 00:02:55,290
clear, the Mimeo machine broke down.
42
00:03:18,769 --> 00:03:20,330
She's the one with the bazooties.
43
00:03:25,050 --> 00:03:27,630
All right, all right. I got bad news for
everybody.
44
00:03:28,030 --> 00:03:29,130
No test today.
45
00:03:29,950 --> 00:03:33,010
You promised.
46
00:03:35,710 --> 00:03:36,910
All right, look, come on.
47
00:03:37,210 --> 00:03:38,350
Let's get to work, okay?
48
00:03:38,810 --> 00:03:42,350
I want to show you about the coastline
of the southern United States. We have a
49
00:03:42,350 --> 00:03:43,350
point.
50
00:03:50,120 --> 00:03:51,320
Mr. Woodman for a new map.
51
00:03:51,600 --> 00:03:52,600
You know what he told me?
52
00:03:52,760 --> 00:03:54,680
Said I should pick one up at the gas
station.
53
00:03:55,940 --> 00:03:59,120
You know, Mr. Carter, it's time that you
and me did a little business, right?
54
00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:03,480
You need supplies and you need money.
Well, we could raise money. There's
55
00:04:03,480 --> 00:04:06,120
of ways to raise money. For instance...
Oh! Oh! Oh!
56
00:04:29,640 --> 00:04:31,140
a little extra money on the hubcaps.
57
00:04:33,080 --> 00:04:36,680
Come on, we need an idea with a little
class.
58
00:04:37,120 --> 00:04:39,860
Class? Hey, I could sell kisses.
59
00:04:44,340 --> 00:04:46,160
And that's just for openers.
60
00:04:46,460 --> 00:04:47,900
All right, that's enough.
61
00:04:49,360 --> 00:04:53,760
That's enough, Vinnie, all right? I got
it. Hey, kids, let's put on a show.
62
00:04:55,360 --> 00:04:57,080
Hey, I got an idea. Listen to this.
63
00:05:03,440 --> 00:05:04,560
In school. Yeah.
64
00:05:05,300 --> 00:05:11,920
It's about time we get Benton off the
streets, into the school here. Are you
65
00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:13,800
kidding? I'll let you get five to two.
That'll never happen.
66
00:05:14,760 --> 00:05:15,760
I'll take that bet.
67
00:05:46,990 --> 00:05:50,050
When charities want to raise money, they
always go on TV.
68
00:05:51,290 --> 00:05:53,770
And how, pray tell, are we supposed to
do that?
69
00:05:54,030 --> 00:05:55,030
Well, Mr.
70
00:05:55,650 --> 00:06:02,330
Carter, I happen to be a frequent
watcher of Channel 52 .4.
71
00:06:03,850 --> 00:06:05,110
It's right here in Brooklyn.
72
00:06:05,670 --> 00:06:08,930
Yeah, I know the channel. The only time
I can get it is if I hook my antenna up
73
00:06:08,930 --> 00:06:09,930
to my toaster.
74
00:06:11,010 --> 00:06:12,010
That's the one.
75
00:06:13,870 --> 00:06:17,970
Well, Mr. Carter, I feel that they would
just leap at the chance for a sweat hog
76
00:06:17,970 --> 00:06:18,970
telethon.
77
00:06:20,750 --> 00:06:23,070
Arnold, why don't you leap back to your
seat?
78
00:06:27,310 --> 00:06:28,310
Look,
79
00:06:28,730 --> 00:06:32,930
nobody could possibly convince a
television station to do a sweat hog
80
00:06:33,290 --> 00:06:34,970
Nobody in their right mind would even
try.
81
00:06:35,530 --> 00:06:36,810
Sure, but we could try.
82
00:06:42,540 --> 00:06:46,240
I want to apologize for the way you and
your sweat ox have been treated in
83
00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:50,200
regard to supplies and promise you it
will never happen again.
84
00:06:51,200 --> 00:06:54,000
Ask me why it will never happen again.
85
00:06:55,880 --> 00:06:57,680
Why will it never happen again?
86
00:06:59,280 --> 00:07:01,100
It's funny you should ask that, Cutter.
87
00:07:02,460 --> 00:07:08,000
I've been making some budget cuts and
unless the money fairy comes up with 700
88
00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:09,000
big ones...
89
00:07:09,400 --> 00:07:13,360
I'm dropping the remedial academics
program for this semester.
90
00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:15,600
Mr.
91
00:07:16,500 --> 00:07:19,740
Whitman, you can't do that. I mean,
these kids need this program. They have,
92
00:07:19,840 --> 00:07:21,660
special problems.
93
00:07:21,940 --> 00:07:22,940
Yeah.
94
00:07:23,140 --> 00:07:25,180
I know I got special problems.
95
00:07:27,200 --> 00:07:29,880
You can't break us up. I mean, we go
together.
96
00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:32,380
Like, like submarine and sandwich.
97
00:07:34,720 --> 00:07:37,860
You sweat hogs will be absorbed in the
mainstream of the school.
98
00:07:38,300 --> 00:07:40,760
where you will never be seen or heard
from again.
99
00:07:44,480 --> 00:07:45,480
Let's do it, man.
100
00:07:46,140 --> 00:07:50,080
Hey, hey, he can't do that. Hey, he
can't do that. Can he do that?
101
00:07:50,320 --> 00:07:51,320
He can do that.
102
00:07:54,560 --> 00:07:55,960
Hey, that's just not fair, man.
103
00:07:56,180 --> 00:07:57,940
Well, I am not going to let it happen.
104
00:07:58,180 --> 00:08:04,920
I am going to call up channel 52 .4, if
they have a phone, and I am going to
105
00:08:04,920 --> 00:08:07,240
convince them into doing a sweat hog
telethon.
106
00:08:25,030 --> 00:08:27,350
revolutionary idea you call my TV
station about.
107
00:08:27,570 --> 00:08:30,610
Oh, Oliver, thanks for coming over.
Well, I don't know how revolutionary it
108
00:08:30,610 --> 00:08:32,309
Hey, don't worry about it, kid. I'm a
genius.
109
00:08:33,010 --> 00:08:35,450
Whatever you got, I can make it work.
110
00:08:36,309 --> 00:08:37,830
I got a telethon.
111
00:08:38,450 --> 00:08:39,549
I can't make it work.
112
00:08:40,150 --> 00:08:44,010
Oliver, look, it would be a direct
remote right from this classroom.
113
00:08:45,510 --> 00:08:46,590
I've got an idea.
114
00:08:47,370 --> 00:08:48,370
I see.
115
00:08:48,970 --> 00:08:51,390
I see a direct remote from the
classroom.
116
00:08:54,830 --> 00:08:56,150
Students working on their own behalf.
117
00:08:56,410 --> 00:08:58,450
I see students working on their own
behalf.
118
00:09:02,430 --> 00:09:03,970
Oliver, you're a genius.
119
00:09:04,610 --> 00:09:05,930
Oliver, you're a genius.
120
00:09:08,850 --> 00:09:10,110
Who we got for talent?
121
00:09:10,490 --> 00:09:13,490
Well, my wife sings and I've been known
to tell a few jokes.
122
00:09:13,790 --> 00:09:15,970
Really? You don't look funny.
123
00:09:17,190 --> 00:09:18,190
Thank you.
124
00:09:18,630 --> 00:09:21,010
My sweat hogs can perform.
125
00:09:22,470 --> 00:09:23,770
Performing sweat hogs.
126
00:09:28,880 --> 00:09:32,440
Those are my students, the sweat hogs.
And they've got all sorts of talents.
127
00:09:32,700 --> 00:09:37,740
I'm sure you'd love them if you got a
chance to see them.
128
00:11:11,400 --> 00:11:12,740
sweet thing is answer the phone.
129
00:11:14,020 --> 00:11:15,020
The phone?
130
00:11:16,140 --> 00:11:18,660
You are doing a telethon with one phone?
131
00:11:19,160 --> 00:11:20,160
Sorry,
132
00:11:20,420 --> 00:11:22,980
Mrs. Carter, but this is all we could
appropriate.
133
00:11:41,100 --> 00:11:42,520
With this, I decided to join your show.
134
00:11:42,940 --> 00:11:44,800
Not many people know this, Carter, but I
sing.
135
00:12:19,120 --> 00:12:23,560
show business my whole life i mean i'm
just there's ice water running through
136
00:12:23,560 --> 00:12:24,560
these veins
137
00:13:35,280 --> 00:13:36,300
But you're coming back.
138
00:13:37,340 --> 00:13:44,340
Give it to me later. Give it to me
later, okay? Just wait over
139
00:13:44,340 --> 00:13:46,500
here for a minute. Let me do a few...
140
00:14:15,080 --> 00:14:16,080
Oh, the curly hair?
141
00:14:17,100 --> 00:14:18,800
Oh, that's Juan Epstein, yeah.
142
00:14:20,160 --> 00:14:24,240
Hey, Juan, somebody wants to pay money
to see your face. Get out in front of
143
00:14:24,240 --> 00:14:29,120
camera. Yeah, so we're counting on all
you people from Brooklyn to come in and
144
00:14:29,120 --> 00:14:31,340
get us $700 for T -shirts.
145
00:14:31,800 --> 00:14:32,800
That's what we need.
146
00:14:33,120 --> 00:14:35,640
Thank you very much. This is one of the
children's ones.
147
00:14:36,020 --> 00:14:39,100
Hey, Juan, you need to clear. The lady
says you ain't the one that snatched her
148
00:14:39,100 --> 00:14:40,100
purse.
149
00:14:44,490 --> 00:14:47,410
with the rest of our telethon, so stay
with us. We have a word from station,
150
00:14:47,570 --> 00:14:49,110
identification, and we'll see you in a
minute.
151
00:14:49,790 --> 00:14:54,250
Uh, Cotter, Cotter, now that just you,
uh, yourself again, uh, introduced me. I
152
00:14:54,250 --> 00:14:56,650
know this is important, Cotter. I'm not
using my first name, Michael.
153
00:14:57,450 --> 00:15:00,410
So, uh, just say, ladies and gentlemen,
Woodman.
154
00:15:02,630 --> 00:15:05,950
Later, Mr. Woodman, later, okay? Not
yet. Later, not yet.
155
00:15:06,710 --> 00:15:11,270
Oh, hi, I see we're back. Well, just
follow us right over here, and we're
156
00:15:11,270 --> 00:15:14,420
walk over... to see our tote girl, Verna
Jean Williams, and our tote board.
157
00:15:14,860 --> 00:15:17,780
Verna Jean, would you tell us what our
total is so far?
158
00:15:18,300 --> 00:15:19,560
Oh, yeah. Oh, sure, sure.
159
00:15:19,920 --> 00:15:20,839
Let's see.
160
00:15:20,840 --> 00:15:24,700
So, man, so far we ain't made a plug
nickel.
161
00:15:27,500 --> 00:15:31,340
Well, I'm sure you people out there are
just waiting for our entertainment to
162
00:15:31,340 --> 00:15:34,120
start, and you're going to send in your
money soon, right?
163
00:15:34,360 --> 00:15:38,300
Okay. Well, we'd like to start off right
now with the boy you just met, the
164
00:15:38,300 --> 00:15:40,520
Puerto Rican Jewish madcap. Here he is.
165
00:16:44,240 --> 00:16:48,800
appointed sweetheart groom of Buchanan
High School. This is ready.
166
00:16:49,080 --> 00:16:51,120
Boom, boom. I shoot.
167
00:16:53,020 --> 00:16:56,540
Healing for anything you can spare.
168
00:16:57,780 --> 00:16:58,780
Five dollars.
169
00:16:59,860 --> 00:17:01,580
Two dollars. One dollar.
170
00:17:01,960 --> 00:17:02,980
A quarter.
171
00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:04,640
Anything at all.
172
00:17:05,520 --> 00:17:08,040
A dime.
173
00:17:08,440 --> 00:17:11,760
A dime, you say?
174
00:17:55,950 --> 00:17:56,950
You can see.
175
00:18:44,330 --> 00:18:46,750
that Sicilian songbird, the wonderful...
176
00:19:51,240 --> 00:19:54,580
After seeing our show, and particularly
the ventriloquist number, the drunks at
177
00:19:54,580 --> 00:19:56,240
Harry's Bar have pledged to quit
drinking.
178
00:19:57,920 --> 00:19:59,680
Thank you, drunks at Harry's Bar.
179
00:20:00,140 --> 00:20:03,680
We have a $15 pledge from Our Lady of
Spain Accordion School.
180
00:20:03,880 --> 00:20:07,220
Keep squeezing that accordion. Thank you
very much, Our Lady of Spain Accordion
181
00:20:07,220 --> 00:20:08,360
School. Let's see what time it is.
182
00:20:08,660 --> 00:20:12,540
Well, we're almost out of time. Bernard
Jean, will you tell us what...
183
00:20:27,980 --> 00:20:30,740
We've had some fun here tonight. You've
seen some good entertainment, a good
184
00:20:30,740 --> 00:20:35,680
time. But we're $22 short. And I would
like to make a personal plea right now
185
00:20:35,680 --> 00:20:38,580
the teachers out there, teachers that
have normal students.
186
00:21:17,390 --> 00:21:19,910
in class and you know the answer, how do
you raise your hand?
187
00:21:20,630 --> 00:21:24,810
If you thought something was funny, how
would you laugh?
188
00:21:26,670 --> 00:21:28,730
Thank you very much. We need $22.
189
00:21:29,330 --> 00:21:30,510
Barbarino, please come in here.
190
00:21:33,650 --> 00:21:35,390
Barbarino, what did we learn yesterday?
191
00:21:35,910 --> 00:21:36,910
What?
192
00:21:38,670 --> 00:21:40,390
What did we learn the day before
yesterday?
193
00:21:41,190 --> 00:21:42,190
What?
194
00:21:53,800 --> 00:21:57,600
lady on the phone who says that she'll
send in the $22 if you will sing like
195
00:21:57,600 --> 00:21:58,720
used to when you were a little boy.
196
00:21:59,420 --> 00:22:00,920
She says you know the song.
197
00:22:03,940 --> 00:22:06,520
Mom, how did you do this to me, Mom?
198
00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:09,960
Dave, your mother is waiting.
199
00:22:10,320 --> 00:22:11,320
I'm not going to do it.
200
00:23:39,980 --> 00:23:41,340
you know? So he went to a psychiatrist.
201
00:23:41,840 --> 00:23:44,820
So the psychiatrist said, Mr. Cotter,
I'm sorry to tell you this, but you're
202
00:23:44,820 --> 00:23:46,520
schizophrenic. Uh -oh.
203
00:23:46,800 --> 00:23:47,900
What did Uncle Ben say?
204
00:23:48,300 --> 00:23:50,560
Uncle Ben said, thank you very much. How
much do I owe you?
205
00:23:51,140 --> 00:23:52,380
Psychiatrist says, you owe me $100.
206
00:23:52,660 --> 00:23:54,000
Uncle Ben gives him $50.
207
00:23:54,800 --> 00:23:56,080
Psychiatrist says, where's the other
$50?
208
00:23:56,280 --> 00:23:57,680
Uncle Ben says, get it from the other
guy.
209
00:24:14,080 --> 00:24:15,440
Welcome back.
210
00:24:16,500 --> 00:24:19,600
Your dreams were your ticket out.
211
00:24:20,580 --> 00:24:26,500
Welcome back to that same old place that
you laughed about.
212
00:24:27,320 --> 00:24:30,940
Well, the names have all changed since
you hung around.
213
00:24:31,660 --> 00:24:35,520
But those dreams have remained and
they've turned around.
214
00:24:36,680 --> 00:24:41,400
Who'd have thought they'd lead ya? Who'd
have thought they'd lead ya? Back here
215
00:24:41,400 --> 00:24:42,840
where we need ya.
216
00:24:44,639 --> 00:24:50,220
Yeah, we tease him a lot because we got
him on the spot. Welcome back.
217
00:24:51,000 --> 00:24:54,740
Welcome back. Welcome back. Welcome
back.
218
00:24:55,300 --> 00:25:01,500
Welcome back. Welcome back. Yeah, we
tease him a lot. Welcome back. Welcome
219
00:25:01,500 --> 00:25:04,040
back. Because we got him on the spot.
17715
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