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Ah, it's too bad you went to sleep early
last night.
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Why? What'd you have in mind?
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00:00:07,100 --> 00:00:09,480
There's a terrific movie on the Late
Show. Spy movie.
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00:00:09,860 --> 00:00:13,980
We don't bet this Israeli spy has to
deliver this microfilm to this guy in
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Lower East Side of New York. They give
him a code.
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He's supposed to say, the sky above, the
mud below, and the other guy is
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00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:23,260
supposed to say, okay, I'm your contact,
right? So he gets to this address on
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the Lower East Side, Delancey Street,
looks at his directory, and there's two
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00:00:26,020 --> 00:00:27,740
Bernsteins. Well, what did he do?
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00:00:28,330 --> 00:00:30,850
Well, he had this cold message, so he
figured he'd try the one on the first
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00:00:30,850 --> 00:00:33,850
floor. So he knocks on the door. A
little old man peeks through the key.
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00:00:33,850 --> 00:00:34,850
know what he does?
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He goes, Mr. Bernstein, the sky above,
the mud below.
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The little man looks at him and says,
you don't want me. You want Bernstein to
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spy on the second floor.
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00:00:47,710 --> 00:00:51,030
Welcome back. Potter is recorded live
before a studio audience.
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Welcome back.
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Your dreams were your ticket out.
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Welcome back to that same old place that
you laughed about.
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Well, the names have all changed since
you hung around.
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But those dreams have remained and
they've turned around.
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Who would have thought they'd lead you?
Who would have thought they'd lead you
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out here where we need you?
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Welcome back. Welcome back.
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Welcome back. Welcome back. Welcome
back.
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Magic that I weave so well.
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Good morning, Charlie.
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Good morning, Gabe.
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To the patron saint of science teachers.
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To Baron von Frankenstein.
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Hey, Charlie, when you die, it's going
to take a mind ace to beat your liver to
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death. When you hear my news, you're
going to wish you were dead. You are
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reviewed today.
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Look like a teacher. Look miserable.
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I'm sorry. I can't. I'm happy.
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There's no time to be happy.
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When Woodman comes in and looks at your
class, tell the sweat hogs to shut up
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and study.
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Charlie, I've been trying some
experimental things in class, and
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starting to pay off.
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I mean, instead of them memorizing
dates, I'm making them think for
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For the first time, I feel like a
teacher.
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And I'm not going to give that up just
because it's review day.
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Well, let's hope Woodman is in a good
mood.
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Where's your class, Connor?
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The bell just rang.
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Piper, get to your classroom.
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Yes, sir. If I were in such a good mood,
I'd have both your jobs for this.
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If I were in such a good mood, I'd have
both your jobs for this.
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That's pretty good.
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You're lucky he's in a good mood.
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that we was going to rap like we was
doing yesterday.
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All right?
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You really got into what we were doing
yesterday?
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Yeah. Okay, come on. Everybody get in a
circle.
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Let's go. Circle.
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You know that the circle is the oldest
form of education?
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It goes back as far as history itself.
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I want you to... I want you to feel free
to talk about anything you want to talk
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about.
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I saw The Wizard of Oz.
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For the 14th time.
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Okay, all right, all right. What do you
all think The Wizard of Oz was about?
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Oh, it was about the two hours and 20
minutes, including commercials.
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And, no, it was a lot of made -up junk
about a lot of dudes in animal suits.
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Yeah, but they all represented people,
Freddy. Like the scarecrow was looking
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for brains.
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Like Corshack.
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needed a heart. Like Epstein.
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Right.
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And a lion, he needed courage.
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All right, put him up, put him up. Come
on, put him up. I'll fight you with both
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hands behind my back. Come on. I'll
fight you with an eraser in my ear.
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Very impressive, Mr.
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Carter.
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Okay, the point of The Wizard of Oz was
that they were all going for something
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that they already had.
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They just didn't realize it. Boy, were
they dumb.
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Hey, look, man, why are we going on
about old stupid kid movie, man? That
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cool. It's really important to you,
Freddy, huh, trying to be cool? Hey,
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man, I don't have to try to be cool.
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I am cool.
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Hey, just turn down the lights.
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He'll heat up.
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Okay, all right. No, it's all right to
be cool.
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But you got to be a cool something.
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00:06:21,879 --> 00:06:25,720
Okay, I want to build the tallest
building in the world.
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What are you going to call it,
Washington Heights?
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No.
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I think I'm going to call it the Boom
Boom Building.
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00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:41,520
All right, Epstein, what do you want to
do?
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I'm going to be a typhoon.
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A restaurant typhoon.
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to the stars. Puerto Rican Jewish
delicacies are specialty.
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No, this is Epstein, the refried matzo
ball king.
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What are you doing, Carter?
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Brow show.
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Mr. Woodman, I'm trying something new.
Watch, it'll be the high point of your
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day. My day has no high points.
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What's going on here?
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We're, uh, rapping.
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Rapping?
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Rapping what, Carter?
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I'll just stand back here reviewing
everything you do.
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Okay, Barbarino, what kind of adult do
you want to be?
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I can tell you the kind of adult I want
to be in two words.
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Marlon Brando.
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All right, all right, all right.
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You want to go to acting school, Vinny?
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No, I don't have to.
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I'm going to be discovered in a
drugstore.
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Wearing a tight sweater?
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Let's do a scene for them from The
Godfather. All right.
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Ready? Watch this.
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Oh, we have to sit through this. Another
magic moment in the theater.
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to ask you a favor.
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What?
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A favor, dumb babarino.
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What?
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Hey, that was pretty good.
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Well,
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this is all very interesting, Carter,
but don't you think it's time to start a
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class? Mr. Woodman, this is class.
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Carter, you're not using the textbook.
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Mr. Woodman.
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Mr. Woodman, in case you haven't
noticed, we sweat hogs are forgotten
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I mean, we don't get good books.
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We get this.
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Are you trying to tell me that's a bad
book?
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It's the pits.
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Pits? What pits?
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What does he mean by that, Connor? He
means that it has no relevance to his
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life, that it's outdated.
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Look at this.
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Soon the railroad would span the entire
country.
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Texas is the largest of our 39 states.
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Oh, here's a good one. They predict
television.
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You're joking, Carter.
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Okay, I'm joking about the railroad and
Texas, but look, it says they predict
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television. Well, they were right,
weren't they? That doesn't make it a bad
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book.
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Mr. Woodman, it's the pits.
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What pits, Carter? Put out a word with
you alone in the hall, please.
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Okay, try to keep this discussion going.
I'll be right back.
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Mr. Woodman, look, I know my methods are
a little unorthodox.
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Unorthodox, Carter?
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Try crazy, try insane, try nutsy cuckoo.
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You didn't like it.
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00:10:09,820 --> 00:10:14,140
Carter, I used to teach social studies.
Social studies is memorizing names,
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places, dates. In 1492, Columbus sailed
the ocean blue.
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That's nutsy cuckoo.
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00:10:22,120 --> 00:10:24,420
Mr. Woodman, that's reciting, not
learning.
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Learning is a discussion between people,
a dialogue.
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00:10:28,270 --> 00:10:31,110
The ancient Greeks did it. Where are
your ancient Greeks today, Carter?
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They're all in a restaurant on Ninth
Avenue.
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Look, Mr. Woodman, you said yourself it
was interesting.
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It's not school, Carter.
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You talk, they listen. That's school.
That's the way I talk. That's the way
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have to teach.
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I'm sorry, Mr. Woodman. I'm really
sorry. But I'm not going to hurt these
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by following an outdated set of rules.
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Well, then, Carter, this school isn't
big enough for both of us.
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I'm bringing you up on charges before
the teacher's review board.
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You're kidding.
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I never kid, Carter.
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I have no sense of humor.
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I'll take your class.
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Turn in your chalk.
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You're suspended.
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That's the pits.
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Welcome.
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Miss Riley will act as an arbiter in
this case.
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Miss Riley, this is the accused's
friend, Mr. Piper. How do you do? This
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accused, Mr. Carter.
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00:11:29,420 --> 00:11:32,620
Mr. Carter. And the accused's wife, Mrs.
Carter. Mrs. Carter.
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My husband is a wonderful teacher.
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Wonderful.
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My wife is here for moral support.
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Yes.
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Michael, will you read your charges
against Mr. Carter, please?
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With pleasure.
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Gabriel Carter has heretofore refused to
use the assigned textbook.
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Failed to follow the prescribed
curriculum and furthermore is in
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Section 3 of the Education Code.
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In addition to that, he does groucho
marks in the classroom.
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Miss Riley, I'm here as a character
witness for Mr. Cotter. May I say a few
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words? Yes.
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00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:13,220
My colleague, Gabe Cotter, is a terrific
guy.
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I take it you've known him a long time.
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00:12:16,120 --> 00:12:16,979
Oh, yes.
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Four or five weeks.
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He is a great teacher.
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You have observed his class.
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Oh, you may recall the incident of the
teacher that was arrested in the balcony
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of a Times Square movie.
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He is not the man.
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Thanks a lot, Charlie. You just won the
award for best performance by a moral
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00:12:36,070 --> 00:12:37,710
supporter in a non -supporting role.
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00:12:39,210 --> 00:12:43,110
Mr. Cutter, are your students planning
to attend this meeting? No, of course
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not.
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His sweat hugs had the nerve to ask me
for permission to be here.
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Permission which I naturally denied.
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00:12:50,670 --> 00:12:51,670
That's not fair.
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I mean, what we're deciding today is
who's going to teach those kids, and I
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think they should be part of that
decision.
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I mean, I think they should be here.
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00:13:00,490 --> 00:13:01,490
I see.
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00:13:07,510 --> 00:13:08,510
Mr.
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00:13:12,270 --> 00:13:14,650
Marmot, there's a meeting going on here.
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00:13:14,870 --> 00:13:18,990
Hey, Macca, when you hired the Linguini
brothers to work, the Linguini brothers
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will work.
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00:13:21,870 --> 00:13:23,030
That's all right, Guido.
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00:13:23,230 --> 00:13:28,890
This is absurd. What could be more
ridiculous than this?
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00:14:03,950 --> 00:14:04,950
You're my sweat hog.
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00:14:06,030 --> 00:14:09,330
That's Moe, Larry, Curly, and that's
Raquel.
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00:14:11,530 --> 00:14:13,630
Why did you guys come dressed like this?
Because Mr.
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00:14:13,830 --> 00:14:16,010
Woodman said no sweat hogs could be
here.
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00:14:16,270 --> 00:14:18,130
So we've been doing like we've been
doing in class.
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00:14:18,430 --> 00:14:20,410
We started asking ourselves questions.
220
00:14:22,170 --> 00:14:23,170
Selves, we ask.
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00:14:25,230 --> 00:14:28,310
What can we do to help Mr. Carter beat
this rat, bud?
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00:14:28,510 --> 00:14:31,150
At first, ourselves didn't answer.
223
00:14:31,350 --> 00:14:32,350
But suddenly...
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00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:38,640
Out of nowhere, a voice came into our
heads and said, go to the library.
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00:14:40,160 --> 00:14:42,040
They went to the library?
226
00:14:42,760 --> 00:14:45,300
You went to the library where they keep
the books?
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00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:50,060
Yeah. And for three whole days, we spent
looking up what you call legal
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00:14:50,060 --> 00:14:51,060
presidents.
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00:14:54,520 --> 00:14:56,280
Grant versus Richmond.
230
00:14:57,840 --> 00:14:59,540
Dempsey versus Tunney.
231
00:15:01,130 --> 00:15:03,670
Flip out a seal versus Caesar's Palace?
232
00:15:05,550 --> 00:15:06,850
Here we are.
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00:15:07,070 --> 00:15:12,450
Section 3, subsection 8, paragraph 4 of
the city charter.
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00:15:12,690 --> 00:15:14,130
Whatever that is.
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Any teacher... Any teacher placed on
suspension
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has the right to a public hearing.
237
00:15:24,470 --> 00:15:27,530
Mr. Carter, your students are somewhat
offbeat.
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00:15:35,310 --> 00:15:37,530
They may speak if they will keep it
brief.
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00:15:37,930 --> 00:15:40,430
Okay, Barbarino, take the stand.
240
00:15:43,570 --> 00:15:44,970
Where should I take it?
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00:15:46,010 --> 00:15:47,050
It's a little joke.
242
00:15:48,770 --> 00:15:49,770
All right.
243
00:15:54,450 --> 00:15:55,450
Don't look.
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00:15:58,130 --> 00:16:00,410
All right, now.
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I would really like Mr.
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00:16:03,470 --> 00:16:04,470
Carter back.
247
00:16:05,450 --> 00:16:08,490
Because I figure his replacement could
be worse.
248
00:16:10,510 --> 00:16:11,610
Thanks a lot, Eddie.
249
00:16:12,210 --> 00:16:13,510
Hey, I ain't through yet.
250
00:16:15,010 --> 00:16:19,750
Now, I just think Mr. Carter's a pretty
good guy.
251
00:16:20,370 --> 00:16:21,630
About half the time.
252
00:16:23,290 --> 00:16:26,190
And, and... And a wonderful teacher.
253
00:16:26,730 --> 00:16:28,530
Yeah, and a wonderful teacher.
254
00:16:29,990 --> 00:16:33,190
And don't let this dress fool you. I
really mean it.
255
00:16:40,970 --> 00:16:42,970
Good you're cold. They like their blimps
back.
256
00:16:46,250 --> 00:16:47,310
Pretty good speed, babe.
257
00:16:53,230 --> 00:16:55,490
Hi there.
258
00:16:58,270 --> 00:17:03,490
Hey, I'm just your average student from
off the streets, and personally, I feel
259
00:17:03,490 --> 00:17:05,010
Mr. Carter is a bad teacher.
260
00:17:05,410 --> 00:17:07,210
You think he's a bad teacher?
261
00:17:07,410 --> 00:17:10,290
No, no, no, no, no. I mean, not bad like
bad.
262
00:17:10,560 --> 00:17:12,980
But bad like... Bad.
263
00:17:15,500 --> 00:17:16,500
Oh.
264
00:17:16,780 --> 00:17:17,780
Bad.
265
00:17:21,200 --> 00:17:24,119
See, most teachers ask you a question
and they expect you to get the right
266
00:17:24,119 --> 00:17:27,920
answer. Well, my main man, Mr. Carter,
he lets us ask our own questions.
267
00:17:28,160 --> 00:17:30,080
See, and sometimes there's more than one
right answer.
268
00:17:30,360 --> 00:17:35,240
Which means, all them times that I was
wrong, I was right. You see, um, I was
269
00:17:35,240 --> 00:17:36,240
right.
270
00:17:37,160 --> 00:17:38,160
I thank you.
271
00:17:47,300 --> 00:17:48,300
Hello.
272
00:17:50,380 --> 00:17:51,620
Who are you?
273
00:17:53,180 --> 00:17:55,080
I'm Arnold Horschak.
274
00:17:55,720 --> 00:18:01,720
And up until now, going to school to me
has always been like being vaccinated.
275
00:18:02,860 --> 00:18:04,620
What do you mean, vaccinated?
276
00:18:05,260 --> 00:18:07,880
Well, see, a subject is something you
take.
277
00:18:08,180 --> 00:18:12,980
And once you've had it, you are immune
and need not ever take it again.
278
00:18:14,880 --> 00:18:18,580
But... Mr. Carter here, he's not like
that.
279
00:18:19,020 --> 00:18:21,920
I mean, he really expects us to learn.
280
00:18:22,720 --> 00:18:26,740
And it takes a heap of learning to make
a boy a man.
281
00:18:36,220 --> 00:18:38,560
You're a wonderful pupil, aren't you?
282
00:18:38,780 --> 00:18:39,780
Hey, my man.
283
00:18:39,920 --> 00:18:40,980
That's pretty good.
284
00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:47,420
I, uh... I think my colleagues expressed
themselves pretty good on the matter of
285
00:18:47,420 --> 00:18:48,840
Mr. Carter getting the axe, you know?
286
00:18:49,220 --> 00:18:51,800
So I got a list of grievances of my own
I'd like to air.
287
00:18:54,980 --> 00:18:57,440
First of all, the food in the cafeteria
stinks.
288
00:18:58,800 --> 00:19:00,300
That's completely irrelevant.
289
00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:03,540
Irrelevant? You mean with the trunk in
his ears? Hey, there's a whole lot of
290
00:19:03,540 --> 00:19:04,540
relevance in the circus.
291
00:19:06,240 --> 00:19:07,320
Mr. Revelli. Yeah, boss.
292
00:19:07,800 --> 00:19:09,220
I just shot an elephant in my pajamas.
293
00:19:09,480 --> 00:19:11,940
Now, how he had my pajamas, I'll never
know. Hey, that's pretty good.
294
00:19:12,380 --> 00:19:15,860
Now, there, you see, that's a violation
of Section 3. He's imitating Groucho
295
00:19:15,860 --> 00:19:17,600
Marx. I'm sorry, Mr.
296
00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:19,520
Riley, I got carried away.
297
00:19:20,080 --> 00:19:21,440
Epstein, fight the chair.
298
00:19:23,140 --> 00:19:24,019
No, no!
299
00:19:24,020 --> 00:19:30,700
No need to get red and puffy,
300
00:19:30,780 --> 00:19:31,780
Michael.
301
00:19:34,439 --> 00:19:37,760
Mr. Carter, is there anything you'd like
to say in your own behalf?
302
00:19:38,080 --> 00:19:39,500
In your own voice?
303
00:19:42,700 --> 00:19:43,700
Certainly.
304
00:19:44,240 --> 00:19:45,240
Certainly.
305
00:19:47,640 --> 00:19:48,860
Miss Riley, I'm a teacher.
306
00:19:49,520 --> 00:19:51,920
That's what it says on my locker. Mr.
Carter, teacher.
307
00:19:52,660 --> 00:19:55,240
And I'm teaching a group of kids known
as sweat hogs.
308
00:19:55,520 --> 00:19:58,660
Now, contrary to popular opinion, sweat
hogs are not dumb.
309
00:19:59,260 --> 00:20:02,880
I mean, a dumb person does not think of
a way to make it rain in the gymnasium.
310
00:20:04,820 --> 00:20:05,820
I did that.
311
00:20:09,560 --> 00:20:13,220
Unfortunately, normal teaching methods
don't seem to work for these kids.
312
00:20:13,520 --> 00:20:15,820
I mean, if they did, well, then they
wouldn't be sweat hogs.
313
00:20:16,500 --> 00:20:17,419
Don't you see?
314
00:20:17,420 --> 00:20:19,480
They're going to have to survive in the
world of the future.
315
00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:23,560
And if they learn how to learn, well,
then they'll be able to survive
316
00:20:27,640 --> 00:20:29,520
Copies of this speech can be obtained by
writing...
317
00:20:38,890 --> 00:20:40,010
You're a wonderful teacher.
318
00:20:40,770 --> 00:20:45,170
Wonderful. Michael, would you care to
say anything before I make my decision?
319
00:20:45,790 --> 00:20:49,210
I think my case speaks for itself, Miss
Riley. Very well.
320
00:20:50,250 --> 00:20:56,310
Mr. Cotter, I may not approve of your
methods, but I do believe in the rights
321
00:20:56,310 --> 00:20:57,310
teachers to teach.
322
00:20:57,830 --> 00:21:02,390
Now, I was impressed by your sweat
hound... Hogs!
323
00:21:03,450 --> 00:21:08,430
Sweat hogs initiative in doing research
to save your job.
324
00:21:08,840 --> 00:21:12,320
It seems that there is a method in your
madness.
325
00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:17,960
Now, you may think I'm old -fashioned,
Mr. Conner, but in my youth, I was
326
00:21:17,960 --> 00:21:20,520
considered rather radical myself.
327
00:21:21,620 --> 00:21:23,440
I vote to retain you.
328
00:21:23,760 --> 00:21:25,200
I demand a recount!
329
00:21:27,300 --> 00:21:34,040
Miss Riley, Miss Riley, the man's
methods, they're Nazi cuckoo! If you
330
00:21:34,040 --> 00:21:35,280
him, Michael, you should be proud.
331
00:21:38,380 --> 00:21:43,320
There is one condition. The regulations
say that you must use the textbook.
332
00:21:44,740 --> 00:21:46,940
Okay. I'll use the book.
333
00:21:47,200 --> 00:21:52,120
Good. This meeting is adjourned. This is
nutsick. Nutsick.
334
00:21:52,460 --> 00:21:53,460
Nutsick.
335
00:21:54,600 --> 00:22:00,520
Oh, Mr. Carter, I think I know what
you've been going through. I was a
336
00:22:00,520 --> 00:22:02,420
myself for 40 -odd years.
337
00:22:02,840 --> 00:22:06,200
And they were 40 of the oddest years
I've ever known.
338
00:22:17,889 --> 00:22:22,350
Well, I think I'll just leave my
wonderful husband with his wonderful
339
00:22:23,770 --> 00:22:24,890
Congratulations, Gabe.
340
00:22:25,330 --> 00:22:26,430
I'm glad I can help.
341
00:22:33,070 --> 00:22:34,070
We won!
342
00:22:38,390 --> 00:22:40,270
You think I copped out, don't you?
343
00:22:40,610 --> 00:22:43,400
Yeah. And after all them fancy words.
344
00:22:43,740 --> 00:22:46,500
Hey, man, you're acting just like
everybody else.
345
00:22:46,740 --> 00:22:49,040
Yeah, we thought the wizard was going to
give you some courage.
346
00:22:49,580 --> 00:22:51,720
You promised to use those dumb old
books.
347
00:22:52,160 --> 00:22:55,240
Aha! But I didn't say how I was going to
use the books.
348
00:22:56,560 --> 00:22:58,380
Okay, everybody take one.
349
00:23:01,600 --> 00:23:05,240
Now I'm going to teach you all something
you're very badly in need of. What?
350
00:23:06,220 --> 00:23:07,220
Posture.
351
00:23:12,739 --> 00:23:13,940
Remember, the sweat on.
352
00:23:17,580 --> 00:23:23,480
Did I ever tell you what happened the
last time I went to see my grandmother
353
00:23:23,480 --> 00:23:25,580
Miami? No, but you will.
354
00:23:25,900 --> 00:23:28,860
Okay, I'm on the plane, right? There's
this little old lady sitting next to me.
355
00:23:29,020 --> 00:23:30,540
She's got this big diamond ring.
356
00:23:30,740 --> 00:23:34,700
So I said, look, lady, I must compliment
you. That's a beautiful diamond ring.
357
00:23:35,280 --> 00:23:37,640
She says, you don't know what this
diamond ring is?
358
00:23:38,960 --> 00:23:41,060
This is the famous Plotnik diamond.
359
00:23:41,640 --> 00:23:44,060
The famous Plotnik diamond.
360
00:23:44,540 --> 00:23:46,000
I said, wow, that's terrific.
361
00:23:46,260 --> 00:23:47,320
She said, not so terrific.
362
00:23:47,560 --> 00:23:49,540
There's a terrible curse that comes with
this diamond.
363
00:23:50,120 --> 00:23:51,240
I said, what's the curse?
364
00:23:51,480 --> 00:23:52,920
She said, Sam Plotnik.
365
00:24:10,330 --> 00:24:11,330
Welcome back.
366
00:24:12,090 --> 00:24:15,230
Your dreams were your ticket out.
367
00:24:16,210 --> 00:24:22,090
Welcome back to that same old place that
you laughed about.
368
00:24:22,990 --> 00:24:26,530
Well, the names have all changed since
you hung around.
369
00:24:27,270 --> 00:24:31,050
But those dreams have remained and
they've turned around.
370
00:24:32,290 --> 00:24:34,270
Who'd have thought they'd lead you?
371
00:24:34,530 --> 00:24:38,430
Who'd have thought they'd lead you? Back
here where we need you.
372
00:24:44,580 --> 00:24:45,940
Welcome back.
373
00:24:46,640 --> 00:24:48,020
Welcome back.
374
00:24:49,040 --> 00:24:50,280
Welcome back.
375
00:24:50,860 --> 00:24:56,440
Welcome back. Yeah, we tease him a lot.
Welcome back.
376
00:24:56,700 --> 00:24:59,640
Welcome back. Because we got him on the
spot.
377
00:24:59,900 --> 00:25:05,860
Welcome back. Welcome back. Yeah, we
tease him a lot. Because we got him on
378
00:25:05,860 --> 00:25:07,460
spot. Welcome back.
30083
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