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great dream. Oh, come on. Take a pillow.
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What'd you do that for? You're stalling.
3
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I'm not stalling.
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I'm not going.
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Oh, again?
6
00:00:24,850 --> 00:00:27,610
Honey, just be happy that you have been
assigned anywhere.
7
00:00:28,270 --> 00:00:30,770
A lot of new teachers can't find jobs at
all.
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00:00:31,170 --> 00:00:34,130
Julie, James Buchanan is not anywhere.
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It's in Bensonhurst, which is in
Brooklyn.
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which is where I spent four degenerate
years as a student.
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You know how rough that is? The gangs,
they don't use guns.
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00:00:45,100 --> 00:00:46,840
They insert the bullets manually.
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00:00:49,140 --> 00:00:53,200
Welcome back, Dodgers. We recorded live
on tape before studio order.
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Welcome back.
15
00:01:01,780 --> 00:01:04,819
Your dreams were your ticket out.
16
00:01:05,880 --> 00:01:11,760
Welcome back to that same old place that
you laughed about.
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00:01:12,580 --> 00:01:16,300
Well, the names have all changed since
you hung around.
18
00:01:16,920 --> 00:01:20,740
But those dreams have remained and
they've turned around.
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00:01:21,920 --> 00:01:26,460
Who'd have thought they'd need ya? Who'd
have thought they'd need ya? Back here
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00:01:26,460 --> 00:01:31,960
where we need ya. Back here where we
need ya. Yeah, we tease him a lot.
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Because we got him on the spot.
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Welcome back.
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00:01:36,490 --> 00:01:40,010
Welcome back, welcome back, welcome
back.
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00:01:40,850 --> 00:01:44,250
Welcome back, welcome back, welcome
back.
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00:01:47,850 --> 00:01:51,110
I'll never forget that first day back at
Buchanan as a teacher.
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00:01:51,970 --> 00:01:53,690
That's me, the cute one on the left.
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00:01:54,850 --> 00:01:58,310
That's Vice Principal Woodman. He's the
kind of guy who drinks prune juice
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because he likes the taste.
29
00:02:00,010 --> 00:02:02,950
When I was a student, he always blamed
me for the cafeteria riot.
30
00:02:03,430 --> 00:02:05,170
Well, that was ten years ago.
31
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I'm sure the man has forgotten all about
it by now.
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00:02:09,030 --> 00:02:10,630
What about the cafeteria riot?
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00:02:10,949 --> 00:02:11,950
He hasn't forgotten.
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00:02:12,410 --> 00:02:16,370
The cafeteria riot? I was there, okay? I
was an innocent bystander.
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00:02:16,950 --> 00:02:20,910
Were it not for my faulty memory, I
would seem to remember you bystanding on
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of a table shouting charge.
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00:02:23,910 --> 00:02:28,150
That wasn't me, Mr. Woodman. That was
Crazy Delaney. No, no, Carter, no, no.
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00:02:28,760 --> 00:02:33,580
No, Delaney was the maniac who dropped
two teachers of different weights from
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00:02:33,580 --> 00:02:38,300
the gymnasium window to see if they hit
the ground at the same time.
40
00:02:39,620 --> 00:02:41,740
He said it was a physics experiment.
41
00:02:42,840 --> 00:02:44,240
Look, Mr. Woodface.
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00:02:49,280 --> 00:02:53,900
These things, they happened a long time
ago. I'm a different person, you're a
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00:02:53,900 --> 00:02:56,820
different person. Things change. No,
you're wrong. No, you're wrong. Nothing
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00:02:56,820 --> 00:02:57,820
changes.
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00:02:58,090 --> 00:02:59,150
Remember my motto.
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Conquer thyself, Carter.
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Conquer thyself.
48
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Right here in the hall.
49
00:03:06,090 --> 00:03:08,430
You haven't changed a bit, Carter. You
still have straight mouth.
50
00:03:08,670 --> 00:03:11,210
I have a degree in teaching, Mr.
Woodman. That's why I'm here.
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00:03:12,170 --> 00:03:13,170
You want to teach?
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00:03:13,350 --> 00:03:15,270
All right, teach. I'm giving it back to
your own.
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The Special Guidance Remedial Academics
Group.
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00:03:19,110 --> 00:03:21,190
You're giving me the sweat hogs?
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00:03:22,610 --> 00:03:27,430
To you whose class launched that
revolting name, they're sweat hogs.
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00:03:27,900 --> 00:03:31,520
For me, they're remedial, sweat hogs.
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00:03:33,680 --> 00:03:37,460
Mr. Woodman, do you really think... Mr.
Conner, you'll find the first aid is
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still in room 118.
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00:03:44,820 --> 00:03:45,300
Good
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morning.
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Establishing a relationship.
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A rapport between myself and myself.
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00:05:05,030 --> 00:05:06,650
I'd like to know who you are.
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00:05:06,990 --> 00:05:08,650
Let us begin over here.
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00:05:09,130 --> 00:05:10,130
No, no.
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We're going to start over here.
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00:05:12,550 --> 00:05:14,030
Okay, we'll start over here.
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Barbarino.
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Vinnie Barbarino.
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This is my place. And these, these are
my people.
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00:05:35,980 --> 00:05:40,400
The toughest kid in school voted most
likely to take a life.
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00:05:44,060 --> 00:05:45,060
Epstein, huh?
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00:05:45,820 --> 00:05:48,940
Juan Luis Pedro Filippo de Huevos,
Epstein.
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00:05:50,200 --> 00:05:51,680
From San Juan.
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00:05:53,640 --> 00:05:55,100
Your mother's Puerto Rican?
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00:05:55,320 --> 00:05:56,320
No, my father.
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00:05:56,980 --> 00:05:58,760
My mother's name is Bibberman.
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00:06:06,830 --> 00:06:12,250
Until the winter of 38, when a boat
carrying a shivering Lou Epstein from
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00:06:12,250 --> 00:06:14,710
to the Bronx stopped in San Juan.
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00:06:16,290 --> 00:06:18,490
Oy, my grandfather said.
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00:06:19,550 --> 00:06:21,030
Look at the palm trees.
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00:06:21,490 --> 00:06:23,790
Feel this heat. Look at this tan.
83
00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:25,470
Hey, who needs Miami?
84
00:06:27,430 --> 00:06:31,910
From that day on, there were Epsteins in
San Juan.
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00:06:41,640 --> 00:06:42,640
favorite subject?
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00:06:43,980 --> 00:06:44,980
Assault.
87
00:08:06,060 --> 00:08:07,440
Horshack, the last.
88
00:08:07,900 --> 00:08:14,680
Why the last, Horshack? Because after
they made me, they broke the mold.
89
00:08:19,740 --> 00:08:24,840
What else can you make him do?
90
00:08:25,160 --> 00:08:26,320
Oh, the hunchback.
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00:08:26,560 --> 00:08:29,040
Ask me to do the hunchback of Notre
Dame.
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00:08:29,260 --> 00:08:30,940
All right, all right, all right.
93
00:08:31,680 --> 00:08:34,020
Horshack, would you do the hunchback of
Notre Dame?
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00:09:21,290 --> 00:09:24,470
I'd like to sit and sit with anybody you
have a relationship with.
95
00:09:25,270 --> 00:09:31,110
Why should we do that, Mr. Cuttle? Why
should we move our chairs?
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00:09:31,390 --> 00:09:32,390
Well,
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00:09:32,670 --> 00:09:35,170
because this way you'll be more inclined
to study. You'll be in study groups.
98
00:10:03,180 --> 00:10:04,360
Want to study American history?
99
00:10:04,580 --> 00:10:07,200
Great. Civics? Far out. Current events?
100
00:10:07,420 --> 00:10:11,440
Fantastic. On the other hand, if you'd
like to study how to look innocent in a
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00:10:11,440 --> 00:10:12,800
lineup, that's great.
102
00:10:13,520 --> 00:10:17,360
If you'd like to study how to speak
clearly with a stocking over your head,
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00:10:17,740 --> 00:10:18,740
terrific.
104
00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:22,000
Whatever grabs you.
105
00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:26,600
The only thing that grabs Horschach is
in a brown paper wrapper.
106
00:10:53,670 --> 00:10:57,310
and put her up on the wall so our study
group may study her.
107
00:11:25,480 --> 00:11:27,000
The effect on the male teenager.
108
00:11:27,600 --> 00:11:30,620
Yeah, well, Barbarino don't write no
reports for no one.
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00:11:31,580 --> 00:11:35,660
Barbarino don't write no reports? What
does Barbarino do besides give orders?
110
00:11:35,940 --> 00:11:39,160
Hey, Vinnie's the ranking champ of
Brooklyn. Take a bow, Vinnie!
111
00:11:40,780 --> 00:11:47,720
You mean insulting, chopping, sounding?
112
00:11:48,120 --> 00:11:49,120
The dozens.
113
00:11:49,240 --> 00:11:50,240
The dozens.
114
00:11:50,500 --> 00:11:51,680
Okay, Barbarino.
115
00:11:54,060 --> 00:11:55,060
You're asking for it, Cotter.
116
00:11:55,820 --> 00:11:57,340
You're right. I'm asking for it.
117
00:11:58,300 --> 00:12:00,080
Up your nose with a rubber hose.
118
00:12:03,760 --> 00:12:07,400
Washington, go to the blackboard. Write
that down under 1975.
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00:12:08,860 --> 00:12:10,060
Another one, Barbarino.
120
00:12:10,500 --> 00:12:14,100
I heard you had an idea once, but it
died of loneliness.
121
00:12:16,540 --> 00:12:19,800
Come on, Barbarino. Is that the best you
can do?
122
00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:23,280
Hey, off my case, toilet face.
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00:12:33,260 --> 00:12:39,200
1965. Hey, Barbarino, I understand your
sister's rotten to the core, but
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00:12:39,200 --> 00:12:40,520
wonderful to the infantry.
125
00:12:44,460 --> 00:12:49,960
And they tell me your father got a new
job last week. He became a skin diver.
126
00:13:08,080 --> 00:13:09,080
It's a curb.
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00:13:11,920 --> 00:13:13,020
Not my mother.
128
00:13:13,220 --> 00:13:14,860
That woman is completely holy.
129
00:13:15,200 --> 00:13:17,200
Okay. Thank you, Washington.
130
00:13:17,720 --> 00:13:22,680
Now, I think we have some clues here to
how our society has changed in the last
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00:13:22,680 --> 00:13:24,980
ten years. This is very interesting.
Notice.
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00:13:25,640 --> 00:13:31,240
1975. The attack is direct upon me. I am
described as a toilet face.
133
00:13:37,160 --> 00:13:40,640
had his way, would be walking around
with a rubber hose sticking out of his
134
00:13:40,640 --> 00:13:41,640
nose.
135
00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:48,640
However, in 1965, it's different. The
attack is not upon me, but upon my
136
00:13:48,760 --> 00:13:53,860
my sister, who is described as Mr.
Woodman.
137
00:13:56,300 --> 00:13:58,660
Connor, what's going on here?
138
00:13:59,600 --> 00:14:00,840
What's happened to this room?
139
00:14:01,580 --> 00:14:03,820
The seats? The blackboard? This...
140
00:14:08,360 --> 00:14:11,300
Trying to teach my class, Mr. Woodman.
Pollute, Carter. The word's pollute.
141
00:14:11,300 --> 00:14:12,300
You're a maniac.
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00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:16,480
You were a maniac remedial academic
student. Now you're a maniac remedial
143
00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:18,380
academic teacher. Ten years has changed
nothing.
144
00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:20,360
You're a sweat hog now. You're a sweat
hog then.
145
00:14:21,160 --> 00:14:23,660
Mr. Woodman, I'm trying to reach these
kids.
146
00:14:23,860 --> 00:14:26,280
I'm using whatever works, and I think
it's working.
147
00:14:27,780 --> 00:14:29,520
Horschak, tell them why you're sitting
over there.
148
00:14:52,360 --> 00:14:54,060
What was that you were saying, Carter?
149
00:14:54,840 --> 00:14:58,900
I will not allow you or anybody else to
come in this room and chew me out in
150
00:14:58,900 --> 00:14:59,739
front of my class.
151
00:14:59,740 --> 00:15:03,560
I am a respectable human being. I am a
teacher. I am a husband.
152
00:15:04,620 --> 00:15:06,700
I am not a 16 -year -old sweat hog.
153
00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:09,240
Anything else, Carter?
154
00:15:09,840 --> 00:15:10,840
Yes.
155
00:15:11,360 --> 00:15:12,940
Up your nose with a rubber hose.
156
00:15:41,360 --> 00:15:43,180
I tried. I really tried.
157
00:15:43,920 --> 00:15:45,320
It just didn't happen.
158
00:15:45,920 --> 00:15:47,240
Thomas Wolfe was right.
159
00:15:47,440 --> 00:15:48,560
You can't go home again.
160
00:15:49,060 --> 00:15:51,080
Don't worry. Something will come along.
161
00:15:52,100 --> 00:15:53,620
Bills will come along.
162
00:15:54,260 --> 00:15:55,820
And then bill collectors.
163
00:15:56,720 --> 00:16:02,000
Large, needy fellows who feed on other
people's furniture and cars.
164
00:16:03,600 --> 00:16:04,780
We don't have a car.
165
00:16:05,740 --> 00:16:06,880
They'll eat our subway.
166
00:16:11,020 --> 00:16:15,340
to do. Tomorrow morning, sew rubber
pockets in all my pants, and I'll go to
167
00:16:15,340 --> 00:16:16,340
automat and steal soup.
168
00:16:18,880 --> 00:16:22,540
Julie, I want to be a teacher more than
anything in the world, but I want to go
169
00:16:22,540 --> 00:16:24,880
to a place where I can have some effect
on my students.
170
00:16:25,740 --> 00:16:26,960
Basically, that's what I want.
171
00:16:27,480 --> 00:16:30,480
I want students, real students, not
hitmen and waiting.
172
00:16:36,060 --> 00:16:37,520
Carter, how you doing?
173
00:16:37,860 --> 00:16:39,900
Hey, Mr. Carter, man, you should keep
your windows locked.
174
00:16:40,100 --> 00:16:42,500
There's a whole lot of... Get too
trashed out and about these days.
175
00:16:44,140 --> 00:16:45,140
All right, look.
176
00:16:45,400 --> 00:16:49,480
Barbarino Washington, you came in
through the window. You have no right to
177
00:16:49,480 --> 00:16:52,980
here. You're leaving. Don't ever come
back here again. This is my home. You
178
00:16:52,980 --> 00:16:53,980
understand that?
179
00:16:59,760 --> 00:17:00,760
Okay,
180
00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:02,200
all right.
181
00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:03,480
I understand.
182
00:17:04,140 --> 00:17:08,960
I know why you're all here, and I really
appreciate it. I think it's a very nice
183
00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:12,990
gesture of you, but... It didn't work
out. There's no way I'm going back.
184
00:17:13,089 --> 00:17:16,050
There's just no way I'll go back. No one
wants you back, Carter.
185
00:17:22,210 --> 00:17:23,210
Why'd you come here?
186
00:17:23,310 --> 00:17:26,250
Well, we just wanted to see how the
founding sweat hog lives.
187
00:17:27,470 --> 00:17:29,970
Hey, look, we can't stay long. We got a
cab waiting downstairs.
188
00:17:30,530 --> 00:17:31,530
You took a cab?
189
00:17:32,050 --> 00:17:33,130
We're gonna give it back.
190
00:17:40,140 --> 00:17:41,580
It's Horschak's father's cab.
191
00:17:41,880 --> 00:17:44,420
You can't steal a guy's father's cab.
You can't.
192
00:17:44,940 --> 00:17:46,820
Then why'd we tie him up, Vinnie?
193
00:17:49,640 --> 00:17:52,340
Huh? Hey, why'd we tie him up?
194
00:17:54,280 --> 00:17:55,280
Wow.
195
00:17:55,760 --> 00:17:58,080
I bet you get a lot of action around
here.
196
00:17:58,480 --> 00:18:00,220
That chick in your study group?
197
00:18:00,540 --> 00:18:03,120
That happens to be my wife, Barbarino.
198
00:18:03,720 --> 00:18:04,720
Hi, everybody.
199
00:18:05,280 --> 00:18:06,280
I'm Julie.
200
00:18:06,480 --> 00:18:09,620
I'm leaving your mother out of it. You
leave my wife out of it.
201
00:18:10,040 --> 00:18:12,480
A woman's holy, completely holy.
202
00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:17,680
You know, I think it's just terrific
that you guys are married.
203
00:18:18,740 --> 00:18:21,060
Every so often, Vinnie wants to marry
me.
204
00:18:21,860 --> 00:18:25,580
Last time, it was behind the billboards
on 84th Street.
205
00:18:58,350 --> 00:19:00,350
I bet it looked lovely on your organ
decal.
206
00:19:02,490 --> 00:19:03,490
How was my dates?
207
00:19:03,710 --> 00:19:04,830
Well, what's it doing here?
208
00:19:05,470 --> 00:19:06,470
She didn't show up.
209
00:19:08,370 --> 00:19:10,750
Oh, honey.
210
00:19:11,230 --> 00:19:14,630
Hey, yo, Mr. Cotton, you got any
pictures in that book of when you didn't
211
00:19:14,630 --> 00:19:15,670
your afro?
212
00:19:16,390 --> 00:19:18,730
Let me see. I think we have a few. That?
213
00:19:19,270 --> 00:19:20,330
That guy's you?
214
00:19:20,910 --> 00:19:22,070
What a schlep.
215
00:19:23,730 --> 00:19:25,070
That's not me.
216
00:19:25,410 --> 00:19:26,810
That's not me. That's my friend.
217
00:19:27,770 --> 00:19:28,770
Morty the Schlep.
218
00:19:32,430 --> 00:19:35,130
Cut it.
219
00:19:40,490 --> 00:19:41,490
Who's the chick?
220
00:19:41,990 --> 00:19:42,990
Her name's Ellen.
221
00:19:44,110 --> 00:19:48,110
You got nothing to worry about with this
one, Mrs. Carter. She's a dog.
222
00:20:00,080 --> 00:20:01,360
but we can't. And you know why?
223
00:20:01,560 --> 00:20:04,780
Because Horseshack is burning us all hot
dogs at Nathan's. Yeah, we just wanted
224
00:20:04,780 --> 00:20:08,840
to see what happens to a sweat hog who
leaves Buchanan without handcuffs on.
225
00:20:09,060 --> 00:20:10,060
Well, what do you think?
226
00:20:10,220 --> 00:20:11,680
It ain't any different, right?
227
00:20:12,120 --> 00:20:16,940
You got one room, you sleep on a sofa,
your kitchen's in the middle of the
228
00:20:16,940 --> 00:20:20,780
living room, and you still gotta lock
the windows to keep the bums out.
229
00:20:22,700 --> 00:20:24,160
Thanks a lot, Epstein. Yeah.
230
00:20:24,420 --> 00:20:25,420
Mr. Carter.
231
00:20:25,530 --> 00:20:27,430
It was very nice meeting you. It really
was.
232
00:20:27,630 --> 00:20:30,810
And I'm sorry about that job, but you
know what? You're going to find one
233
00:20:30,810 --> 00:20:31,810
better suited.
234
00:20:32,190 --> 00:20:35,550
And Mrs. Carter, you know, I'm going to
come back and I'm going to teach you how
235
00:20:35,550 --> 00:20:38,490
to make lasagna. How do you like that?
We'll come back, we'll have a party, and
236
00:20:38,490 --> 00:20:39,590
we'll have a good time.
237
00:20:39,890 --> 00:20:42,250
All right, let's go. Out the door.
238
00:20:42,730 --> 00:20:44,010
Washington, will you go out the door?
239
00:20:44,650 --> 00:20:45,650
Come on, you two.
240
00:20:45,970 --> 00:20:47,110
Get away from that apartment.
241
00:20:47,530 --> 00:20:48,910
It's all cheap stuff over there.
242
00:21:02,120 --> 00:21:03,120
I'll be there.
243
00:21:44,140 --> 00:21:48,540
hard for you to accept that the best
part of you grew up in the streets.
244
00:21:50,600 --> 00:21:54,480
Julie, baby, if it wasn't for you...
What?
245
00:21:55,800 --> 00:21:57,260
I would have married somebody else.
246
00:22:11,320 --> 00:22:12,680
Oh, no. Please, no.
247
00:22:18,030 --> 00:22:19,030
answered. You quit.
248
00:22:19,890 --> 00:22:21,690
You set up my nose with a rubber hose.
249
00:22:23,190 --> 00:22:25,270
Remove the hose, Mr. Woodman. I'm back.
250
00:22:25,650 --> 00:22:27,350
You want me out, you gotta fire me.
251
00:22:27,890 --> 00:22:30,850
I don't want trouble with the Board of
Education. You know how I hate trouble
252
00:22:30,850 --> 00:22:31,850
with the Board of Education.
253
00:22:32,210 --> 00:22:33,650
I guess you're stuck with me then, huh?
254
00:22:51,560 --> 00:22:54,360
I've decided. I want to do a report on
male chauvinism.
255
00:22:54,700 --> 00:22:57,920
Yeah? Well, I'm going to do a report on
the rip -off women's movement.
256
00:22:58,240 --> 00:23:02,280
Hey, Mr. Carter, I'm going to do a
report on the implications of
257
00:23:02,280 --> 00:23:03,280
of Puerto Rican Jews.
258
00:23:05,980 --> 00:23:07,180
You got it, Epstein.
259
00:23:07,420 --> 00:23:08,420
Hey, yo, Mr. Carter.
260
00:23:08,860 --> 00:23:09,860
Dig.
261
00:23:10,840 --> 00:23:12,240
Boom, boom, boom, boom.
262
00:23:13,540 --> 00:23:14,820
I got it, I got it, Washington.
263
00:23:15,040 --> 00:23:18,580
You want to write a report on playing
the bass? No, man, I want to pretend to
264
00:23:18,580 --> 00:23:19,720
write a report on playing the bass.
265
00:23:28,010 --> 00:23:29,950
what's going on here, but I will say
this. Yes?
266
00:23:30,450 --> 00:23:31,670
I have one hell of a principle.
267
00:23:33,170 --> 00:23:35,110
You. I finally got them motivated.
268
00:23:35,450 --> 00:23:38,250
How about me? Didn't I have anything?
You, Carter, you're a perfect example of
269
00:23:38,250 --> 00:23:40,730
what I can do once I put my mind to it.
I mean, think about it.
270
00:23:41,430 --> 00:23:43,850
I mean, if not for me, you'd have turned
out to be just another hood.
271
00:23:44,770 --> 00:23:49,030
I don't know what to say, Mr. Woodman,
except as principles go, you certainly
272
00:23:49,030 --> 00:23:50,030
don't have any.
273
00:24:36,490 --> 00:24:37,490
Welcome back.
274
00:24:38,050 --> 00:24:41,290
Your dreams were your ticket out.
275
00:24:42,130 --> 00:24:48,210
Welcome back to that same old place that
you laughed about.
276
00:24:48,930 --> 00:24:52,770
Well, the names have all changed since
you hung around.
277
00:24:53,230 --> 00:24:57,390
But those dreams have remained and
they've turned around.
278
00:24:57,930 --> 00:25:00,330
Who would have thought they'd nature?
279
00:25:07,440 --> 00:25:09,840
We tease him a lot because we got him.
22212
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