All language subtitles for waiting_for_god_s02e03_daisy_takes_charge

That could keep the mad Huns and the
Yellow Hordes at bay.

Not to mention daft old goats called
Tom.

Harvey says that wall has got to go,
Diana.

If you do not take it down voluntarily,
he will, er... What? Come and huff and

puff and blow my wall down?

Invoke the structural alterations to
premises without prior consultation with

the management, the board and the
planning committee clause in your

residency.

Well, you just tell little Harvey that
if just one millimetre of his smallest

toenail comes across my doorstep, he
will be the happy recipient of a ten

-megaton exploding suppository. Goodbye.

Donna, please. That wall stays until Tom
apologises for asking me to shuck up

with him in order to save money. Did you
make that clear to him?

Well, I tried, but he just said you were
being more bloody -minded than usual.

He said you were like a mad snake.

eating itself from the tail upwards.

I can't see how that would work myself.

And then Daisy Williams came along and
dragged him off.

What's that little Dresden Hitler up to?

Well, she's got Harvey round her little
finger. And Tom too, by the sound of it.

Oh, I don't think anyone could come
between you and Tom.

What? Oh, you needn't be jealous of her,
Diana.

Jealous? Me?

I'm not jealous.

I have never been jealous.

I would never tolerate an emotion based
on the wayward and fickle affections of

a mere man.

I don't believe you, Diana.

Naughty, naughty, fibby, fibby.

Bogeyman will get you up and up.

Beam her up, Scotty.

You can't fool me, Diana.

I am also a woman.

Really? Listen,

Jane, just because you cull your entire
emotional life from the drifting...

handy -floss guff of the latest mills
and boon does not mean that everyone

I happen to be a self -contained unit. I
do not need a man about the place,

particularly not a bumbling old golf bag
like Tom.

Why not?

Last year, we only lost 200 pounds. This
year, we really put our backs into it.

We could bankrupt the place.

That's right. Put it down there.

Just a minute.

Oh, you really are very clumsy, Jane.

Do straighten up, Jane.

This is a jolly good idea, Daisy. Well,
of course it is. I've run a few messes

in my time, and my motto was always
mucking and tucking all chaps together.

None of this individual table nonsense.

The team that eats together wins,
rather.

Isn't that so, Tom? What do they win?

Wars, of course.

And I want to make you my second -in
-command.

Oh, really?

What would my rank be?

Well, I wouldn't dream of working with
anyone below a full colonel. Colonel,

Colonel Tom. Yes, that sounds very
right.

Colonel Tom.

Ready to go over the top, sir.

You've been over the top for years.

Now, everyone will have to sit together.

That's Diana's table. I'm not sure this
will meet with everyone's approval.

Of course it will, Tom. It's just what
we've always needed round here. A bit of

uniformity, strict meal times, any one
menu. Save a fortune in food and

overtime. Oh, for goodness sake, Jane.

Sorry, Harvey. Come along, Colonel Tom.
We have lots to do.

Now, what we need is more recreation.

Yes. Organised. I want you to rustle up
a few medicine balls.

Medicine balls?

I don't know what Diana will say.

There's going to be blood all over the
walls.

Oh.

What do you want?

I don't want anything.

I was just saying, um... I can't
remember.

You want to apologise?

Do I? What for?

For being rude to me.

You mean, asking you to share your life
with me?

What was your life you were asking me to
share with your rent?

You asked me to shack up with you.

If I was some sort of itinerant teenage
flatterer. Oh, it was just an

expression. It was an attitude, Tom.

You have so little regard for my
feelings or me that you thought you

me some sort of moldy old bone and I'd
think it was bloody Christmas.

What do you want?

Marriage?

I used to be an accountant, you know.

Economy comes as naturally to me as
being a vicious old prune comes to you.

I didn't know you were going to have a
fit about it.

Jane Russell and Beatty Bardot were
quite happy to share their costs with

wasn't all hot passion, you know. Oh,
no.

At the end of the day, we still had to
tot up our chitties.

share with me. There must be somebody
around here with a bit of common sense.

So, that's the programme, chaps. More
togetherness, more planning, more

organisation, so that we can all rattle
along as one big happy family. Any

questions, observations, ideas?

Daisy... Not now, Basil.

Jolly good, so that's a good one.

Now, we shall need a coordinator of
activities.

Tom? Oh, I nominate you. Is that right?

Jane? I think I hear the phone.

Jenny, get my table out from under there
and put it in its usual place, please.

Hello, Miss Trent.

Go on, Jenny, get it up.

I'm afraid the tables stay where they
are.

I beg your pardon?

It's all part of the new order, my dear.

We are all agreed that it is much more
conducive to good morale if we all sit

together and talk together at mealtimes.

And do we all sing the horse? vessel
song before pudding.

Yes, well, that is the sort of remark
one might expect from a communist.

Ah!

Tom?

I don't believe we are talking to each
other, Diana.

I see.

And you are all in agreement with this,
are you?

Basil?

Unanimous. Now do sit down, friend.

When I want to break bread with a bunch
of headless chickens and a goose,

Stepping turkey, I'll let you know.

Yes.

Well, there is always one.

Never mind.

She'll come round. They always do when
they see that my way is the best.

Besides, now that we're all united,
there isn't much choice.

Is there, Tom?

Uh, no.

Absolutely.

Jane? Yes.

And Colonel Tom?

Right, off we go.

What on earth

is going on?

Daisy Williams wants to make everyone
fit.

She'll kill them all.

Counting on.

What's Tom doing?

Oh, he's a colonel now. Says he's going
to take to Brooke before tea time.

How does one go about resigning from the
human race?

What inebriates?

The sweet goo that kept the Empire stuck
together.

Who said that?

I did, just now.

I suppose you put that up to keep out
that dreadful Trent woman.

Oh, she's all right.

No, she is not, Tom.

Believe me, I know the type.

Fifth columnist.

It was people like her, free thinkers
that locked up the Empire.

No team spirit.

She does not care.

She can't stand her fellow man.

Precisely.

There have got to be a lot of changes
round here if I'm going to stay.

There's far too much isolation in this
place.

I think there should be more communal
living.

Shared kitchens, shared living areas.

Economies of scale.

Just what I was saying to Diana.

Of course, Harvey Baines will have to
go.

Harvey? Oh, yes, hopeless incompetent.
And that... flimsy fish Jane.

Jane?

No place for waverers in our new world,
Tom.

Oh.

I shall put in a report to the
shareholders.

Do you know any shareholders?

My son and daughter -in -law seem to
have a stake in the place.

Good. We'll get on to them. Soon have
the waverers packing their bags.

Oh, but Davy, you shouldn't throw the
bath out with a water baby.

What is it? I was just about to belt
Betty's balls clean over the fence.

He's doing what?

Ah, well... Now then, Betty, last year
you were working the candy floss

Yes, not very successfully, as I recall.
Lady Mara, totally covered in huge

globs of pink slime.

Purple tickets this year, I think. Now,
Basil. Diana. You had yourself down as

wanting to lead the Red Arrows in a
formation flight path.

Try not to be loony, Basil. One loony
round here is quite enough.

Diana. Now, you will run the bite the
apple in the bowl of water, and this

teeth must be kept in the mouth.

Diana. What?

It's all done.

What is?

Stall allocation.

Betty's on pink elephants.

White elephants.

And I'm on donkey rides.

And who has done this allocating?

Daisy Williams.

I see.

Tears before bedtime.

Just not quite sure whose.

She'd what?

She's planning on having you removed.

And me.

Never mind you, Jane. Just stick to the
important bit. How is she planning to

have me removed?

Well, she's going to prove to the board
and the shareholders that you are

incompetent. Well, how on earth could
she do that?

Don't answer that question, Jane.

Well, well, little Miss Daisy.

Little Miss Daisy wouldn't melt butter
in my mouth, Miss Daisy. You poisonous

little witch!

I've been so nice to her, Jane.

Oh, you have, Harvey.

Well, you're nice to everyone.

Is Diana Trent behind this? Is she,
Jane? Is she? Is she? I knew she was.

She's behind everything.

She's in all my worst nightmares.

Must be her. It's always her. It's not
her.

It could be Tom, though. Tom without
Diana? I doubt it, Jane.

Tom couldn't find his own nose without a
guide dog.

taking Diana's place.

She seems to be as guiding like now, and
she's just as tough as Diana.

Oh, God, I can't have two warrior women
crashing round the place. One of them

will have to go. Which one?

I don't know. What a choice. If you get
rid of Lucretia Borgia, you're still

left with Ivana the Terrible.

This Daisy Williams really seems to be
on the ball, Dad.

Oh, she is. I mean, this is just an
interim report on the way she thinks

should be restructured around here. I
must say...

She's jolly impressive.

Oh, she is very impressive.

We think she's what you might call a
good influence.

Not like that child -eater next door.

No, no, she's not like Diana, I must
say.

And if your snakeskin won't move in with
you, then maybe Daisy will.

You can set a trend.

Get them all sharing, then we can cut
the cost, squeeze in more of them, and

last turn a bit of a profit.

What do you say?

May I share? Go to your car.

Got another appointment, have you, Dad?
No, Geoffrey, I just feel one of my must

-strangle Marion fits coming on.

Oh, you're a funny old possum, aren't
you?

Well, bye -bye, Tom.

Oh, do leave the door open. It's awfully
whiffy in here.

Geoffrey? There are poisons, you know,
which are almost untraceable. Yeah,

you, Dad. Now, don't let Davy clip
through your fingers. She's a top sort,

Right, Jenny.

Here are this week's menus.

Pass them on to Chef for me.

There's Yorkshire pudding every other
day.

Yes, that's right.

And bangers and mash and mutton stew.

All good English food.

I never could see the point of that
French fiddle faddle that's creeping in

over the place.

Well, go on. Off you go.

Hello.

Do you know what the French say about
our cooking?

I'm sure I don't. The English have a
hundred different religions, but only

source.

Yes, well, it was probably remarks like
that that started the Hundred Years'

War. Which we lost.

For the moment.

Did you want something?

Yes.

What are your intentions towards Tom
Ballard?

I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that.

Standing too close to the guns.

Sorry? I said, what do you feel about
Tom?

What is that to you?

When you pension off your old cart
horse, you want to make sure that he has

comfy pasture and a bag of oats.

You're calling me a bag of oats. Well,
you're certainly not a comfy pasture.

Does this mean that you are thinking of
leaving?

Well, one of us has to.

Not necessarily.

All you have to do is pull with the
team, be a decent member of the

As I said, one of us has to.

I see.

Well, who knows what the future may
hold, but I think you may rest assured

that... that the British officer knows
how to care for his men.

Well, I suppose that'll have to do.

Oh, by the way, he gets very bad
sciatica during the winter, all down his

leg. And it's also his Mount Everest
climbing season, so make sure he doesn't

sit on the roof too long when it's
snowing.

It's reported treachery, Jane.

She says I'm a totally unnecessary
person.

Do you want to get rid of me, too?

If this gets back to the board, I could
be in real trouble. And I don't want to

lose my job.

Me, too.

Will you stop being so self -centred,
Jane?

Go on, Harvey.

We're going to have to get Diana on our
side. Oh, God, I'm going to have to be

nice to her.

How do I look, Jane?

Gorgeous, Harvey.

Oh, Diana!

How totally, fantastically wonderful to
see you. Shut up.

The reason you've got your office up
here is so that half of us can't get at

you.

Oh, I do love your little jest, Diana.
And I must say, you are looking smashing

today. I bet all the local Don Juans are
hanging round your door, eh? You're

gibbering, Harvey.

Thank you, Diana.

And you smell of fear and cheap
aftershave.

It wasn't cheap.

I mean... Smell of fear?

No doubt comes from this.

You know about this?

Not a leaf.

Falls. Yes, and I suppose you're right
behind it. No, not at all.

So you'll help us bury it?

Get this daisy person on her bike?

Nope. What?

N -O, no.

But I don't understand.

What part of the word no do you not
understand?

But why not?

Because of Tom.

Tom?

Well, he needs someone in his life or he
tends to fall apart.

and I'm obviously not the right person,
but I'm sure Mrs Williams has strength

enough for both of them, I would not
stand in their way.

Oh, how wonderful.

Oh, you really are a Christian person.

Oh, shut up, dear.

You mean you'd give in, leave, just so
as old Tom can have a bit of happiness?

I probably would.

Good grief, you really are a balmy old
coot, aren't you?

Tom, you know you're the biggest wally
ever to draw breath, don't you?

Have they put you on new pills, Basil?

In fact, I think you may be the most
stupid man I've ever met.

And I was in the army for ten years.

What have I done?

You have let Daisy Williams put you in
blinkers and drag you round by the nose.

You deserve to have your ears boxed. I'd
do it myself if I wasn't so knackered

with being the local Casanova.

You're not being a touch rude, are you,
Basil?

I hope so.

Diana may be one of the most malevolent
old crabs to crawl up the beach, but at

least she's not one of these half -pint
sergeant majors trying to get us to

invade Germany every 20 minutes.

Are you trying to tell me something,
Basil?

Ahoy, there!

Anyone aboard?

Go away, Tom.

What, Holmes?

What are you doing in here?

You belong over there.

I've come to take you to lunch.

I'm lunching here.

No, you're not. You're lunching in the
dining room.

I have no desire to mess with the boys
whilst being harangued by that short

Genghis Khan.

Do it for me. I've already done quite
enough for you, Tom. Go away.

It's important to my future.

You mean, if I can't be brought to heel,
you'll lose face in the eyes of your

daisy love?

Maybe.

Pathetic.

Pathomastic.

Now, I am thinking of putting up a sort
of daily roster and...

A positive thought for the day, every
morning.

Okay? Do speak up if you don't agree.

Uh, Daisy... Not now, Basil. Good, so
that's me.

The new company notice board will be in
the corridor, out there.

Oh, hello there.

Hello, Colonel.

And welcome, Diana.

How nice to see you in the dining room
again. May we assume from your presence

here that you have decided to join us?
in the new order of things.

You may.

Well, I'll be jiggered.

How splendid.

Do come and sit at your place.

It has not been reallocated yet.

Your rightful place.

Hold it.

Step aside, please.

Tom?

Thank you, Tom.

Sorry,

old thing.

But you see, the people here, well,
they're here because they have survived,

just because they're old, but because
they have been made with the right

Independence, self -reliance, being an
individual.

There's a time and place for armies and
teams and pulling together, and over the

years, I'm sure they've all done that.

But this is their time now. Our time.
Not a time to be bullied or dragooned,

a time to enjoy.

A time to reflect.

A time to smile.

Ha -ha!

Where did you get that bloody awful
speech from?

From nowhere. I just said it.

But Jimmy Stewart said it first.

No, he did not.

I thought you were rather taken with
her.

No, I was swept along by her.

For your worth.

Well, I wasn't. No, but you're not a
normal human being.

Appeals to your community spirit might
just as well be addressed in Urdu to an

emu for all the effect they're going to
have.

Appeals to jingoistic spirits.

Forming teams that desire to inflict
your views on all around you.

Fascism, Tom.

Oh, patriotism.

It's a fine line.

Yeah.

So, what is happening to Daisy?

She thinks you're all a pack of dinkos,
and she's going back to Aldershot, to

the El Alamein retirement home.

I shall miss her. I was looking forward
to a good punch -up. Yes.

Why didn't you? We were all expecting
you to come out fighting.

Why did you let her off so easily?

Why?

Oh, maybe I'm getting a bit old, Tom.

Oh. Well.

I'm glad the old Berlin wall's gone.

You understood?

Well, I didn't take to being opportune
in that manner.

You mean asking you to shack up with me?
Yes, I do.

Well, what if I had phrased it
differently?

How?

What if I had said, look, Diana, we're a
couple of old battered butties. Why

don't we just ring the last bell and
trundle off to the old scrapyard

eh? What if I said it like that,
romantically?

Oh, goodness.

As romantic clear as that, eh?

Yes, well, I'm British.

As a nation, we're all a bit constipated
when it comes to paying compliments.

I just thought it'd be nice if we had
lived together.

Well, why didn't you say that?

Clean, simple, to the point.

Really? Yes, I wouldn't have taken
offence at that.

Oh?

All right, I'll try it.

A clean, simple, straightforward
question.

Diana.

Tom. Yes?

You ask a simple question, you'll get a
simple answer.

And I promise you, be it yes or no,
you'll regret it.

Well, no, you'll feel rejected.

Yes, you'll regret it.

Would I really?

Oh, believe me, I live with me. It's
hell. I wish I could move out.

So I'd better put the film back on the
spool and rewind to the point where Fred

pops the question to Ginger.

Good idea.

Dear old Ginger Rogers, we had a lot of
laughs together.

Did you know her well? We did eight
films together.

Of course you did.

Ginger. Fred.

Would you care to step outside and cut
the rug with me?

I'd be delighted.

Heaven, I'm in heaven.

And my heart beats so that I can hardly
speak.

And I seem to find the happiness I seek.
Yes,

Diana? I'd like to tell you something.

Are you sure, Diana?

Oh, I'm sure, Tom.

So what do you want to tell me, Diana?

You've just trodden on my foot! You
great sumbitch!