All language subtitles for vip_s04e22_valley_wonka

Oh, God.

You have to try those little square
ones, Sasha. They're so good.

This is the best gig we've ever had.

Val, we're guarding a candy recipe.

Grandma's chocolates are not just candy,
okay?

Their super secret recipe has been in
their family for 40 years.

Every time I think of little Grandma
Goshen passing away, it's just so sad.

like my own grandmother.

You know what they say, good chocolate
stimulates the brain's pleasure centers.

It's like having sex.

In that case, here, have a whole tray.

Knock yourself out.

Are these the grieving kids?

Yep.

That's Bernard.

He runs day -to -day operations.

And his twin sister, Rhonda. She heads
up marketing.

Apparently very popular with the works.

One of them is about to become very,
very rich.

on which kid the mother left the company
to.

Guess we're about to find out.

You all know how much I hate to waste
time, so let's get right down to

This has been a thriving family business
since my grandmother's day, and I

intend to keep it that way.

So fasten your seatbelts.

I hereby bequeath the company known as
Granny's Chocolates to my son Bernard.

Yes. and my daughter, Rhonda, as equal
partners.

Now, since I know that you both don't
trust each other, I'm going to leave

the secret recipe to you, Rhonda, and
the other half to you, Bernard.

The only downside to being dead is I
can't see your faces. Oh, well.

My lawyer's got all the instructions.

Complain to him.

One last thing.

My family built this business with its
life's blood.

Don't screw it up.

Excuse me. You kids.

Looks like someone needs a chocolate
kiss.

Miss Scotian.

My condolences.

Thank you. I represent certain
interests.

They are prepared to make you a very
generous offer for your candy business.

Oh, but I think it is.

You see, if you were to turn down my
associates, you could find yourself very

infirm.

Hi -ya!

Back off, thuggo. It's safe to put an
eye out.

Okay, look, I don't want any trouble.

Remember, accidents happen.

Chocolate's really are dangerous.

Thank you.

No problem.

Maybe we're going in more than just a
recipe.

The beautiful and lethal Valerie Irons.

Pluck. from obscurity to head an elite
Los Angeles bodyguard agency.

They know how to get things done.

Eventually.

And so we bid farewell to Goshen Farms,
nestled in the San Fernando Valley, home

for almost half a century to Granny's
Chocolates.

Made with love in our home for yours.

It's corny, I know, but that's the way
that Mom saw it.

Oh, God, it is just so cute.

I didn't know little towns like that
existed anymore.

They don't, Val. The promo tape. Oh, no.
No, that's just it.

Granny's Chocolates really is like a
family.

I'm sure it is, Miss Goshen.

Rhonda, please.

Rhonda.

Now, don't you see why I can't sell the
company?

Other people would be out of jobs.

Oh, no, you can't let anything happen.

I haven't had the VIP tour of the
chocolate factory yet.

Is it true that mocha coconut was made
purely by accident because somebody

slipped their mocha in someone's
coconut?

Mother would listen to anyone's good
idea from the janitor on up.

Excuse me, Miss Goshen. Rhonda.

We were hired to guard a candy formula.

It's my understanding that two halves of
that secret formula will be delivered

to you and your brother by armored cars.

After that, what happens to the company
is none of our business.

Of course.

Of course, you're right. I just... Mr.
Williams came to my rescue.

I just thought I might need some
protection, that's all.

Well, as long as we're on the payroll,
it wouldn't hurt to check things out.

Have you ever seen that punk who
threatened you before?

No. You know, I'm no Angela Lansbury,
but your brother, Bernie, didn't seem

happy when he found out he had to share
that with you.

Oh, no.

You know, Bernard drinks too much and he
can't seem to hold on to money, but I

can't imagine him sinking that low.

Tell you what, we'll poke around a
little, see what we can find out. In the

meantime... How do we stay in touch?

I mean, for your safety, of course.

Um... My home number?

You feel better already?

Well, don't you worry, Rhonda. VIP is on
the case.

You know what I like? I love those
little chocolate coffee mugs you have.

Poking around?

What? I'm just keeping the client happy.

Our client was buried yesterday.

Oh, ease up. I'm sure Granny Goshen
would have wanted us to protect her

daughter, too.

If Rhonda's telling the truth, so far
we've only heard one side of the story.

I suppose it wasn't the best funeral
behavior.

But what the hell, it's not like my
family's not used to it.

Perhaps my sister will be happy to hear
that I'm paying for it.

I take it you're not happy with Mommy's
decision.

Talk about understatement. Do you know?

How much Granny Goodies is worth to our
suitors, Interglobal Snacks?

Take a guess.

Something with seven zeros after it?

Times ten.

Seven hundred million was the last
offer.

Well, that's a good reason for you to
want Rhonda's half of the recipe.

Is he always this quick on his feet?

Of course. I want Rhonda's half of the
formula, but it's not like I'm being

selfish about it.

I'd call putting all your workers out of
work pretty selfish.

Rhonda say that?

Rhonda's not much into details.

Did she mention that if Granny changes
hands, stock options are triggered to

every single worker in this company?

So the guy who cleans the men's room
ends up becoming a millionaire?

Sorry we wasted your time, Mr. Goshen.

Not at all.

Oh, wait.

My half of the formula's worth
something, right?

When are we going to get that?

24 hours, pending a lawyer's
instructions.

We'll be in touch.

Yep, we'll kill you.

Well, I guess you're not afraid of
germs.

There are worse things to fear.

My associates have loaned you a great
deal of money, Bernard.

And now they want it back.

Just give me a few more days, I swear
it.

See, the problem is, Bernie, we have
trust issues with you.

You said your sister would sell. All she
needed was a push.

She'll sell.

You'll see.

We'll make enough on this inter -global
deal to cover my debts and then some. I

just need 48 hours.

Make it 24.

And I won't have to throw you into a vat
of... What's the gnarliest stuff you

got out there?

That would be the boiling caramel.

Boiling caramel it is.

Don't take this the wrong way.

But are you sure that turning down
Interglobal is the best decision?

I think.

Bernard gave you the whole sales pitch.

Stock options, bonuses, everyone keeps
their job.

Something like that?

Yes. Yes, it's true. Everyone keeps
their job if they move to Dusseldorf.

Interglobal's headquarters.

Did Bernard mention that?

He might have left that part out. He
didn't tell me either.

I guess I'm just some dumb little
dilettante.

I guess Mom thought so, too.

I'm sure your mom will be very proud of
you.

Would you like one?

Thank you.

As you can see, I'm here outside the
Granny Goshen Chocolate Factory, where

historic exchange is about to take
place.

This is the very location where they
produce hundreds of varieties of

chocolate.

Want one?

All this press coverage. It's like
begging somebody to come steal the

Yeah, well, if you ask me, I think the
old lady died of stupid.

John, you got a visual?

Uh, roger that, Nicky.

We've got one half of the formula
approaching from the east, and the other

approaching from the west.

Happy's siblings all set?

Happy's right.

He hasn't had this much fun since
Mommy's funeral.

Hey, Quick, you ready on your end?

Yeah, I got Rhonda right here.

I think we got some trouble.

Hey, come.

FOOTBALL!

You're kidding.

You want us to keep both halves of the
recipe for you?

If those maniacs after it, we can't
think of anywhere else that would be

Temporarily, of course.

Stick them in your undies. We're out of
the candy business.

Your mother's little publicity stunt
nearly prevented us from doing our job.

You can't turn us down. We're under
contract to protect the damn thing.

We're? Our contractual obligations ended
when we delivered each of you your

half. See, technically that's not true.

VIP hereby agrees to take all reasonable
measures to ensure the safety and

security of aforementioned recipes.

It's not really safe and secure yet.

Thanks, Kay. You're welcome.

Please.

Just for a few more days.

Until we can make a more permanent
arrangement, please.

We do have a contract, guys.

Fine.

Two days.

Please.

Tasha Dexter.

Tasha Dexter.

Hey, what's this? Hey, you moving in?

I'm telling you, something's off about
that guy.

You think he's behind the heist attempt?

Well, we know Bernie's got motive. He
can't sell the company without his

sister's consent.

Right, but if he had the lame recipe, he
could sell it under the table.

I say we keep an eye on that Jaboni.

Well, if he's outside the factory, no
problem. But inside, it's going to be

tough.

One of us should go undercover as an
assembly line worker.

Well, don't look at me because Candy's
not my style.

Well, me either.

I'm no good at mindless repetitive
tactics.

Then we need somebody who is.

Eighty. Eighty -one.

Eighty -two.

Eighty -three. Eighty -four.

Eighty -five.

Eighty -six. Oh, my goodness. You guys
know there's exactly 86 cracks all the

way from the incense emporium to here.

Hi,

you must be our new taste tester.

I'm so glad they sent a couple of
replacement

people so fast.

We follow the usual procedure for
quality control inspection. You'll

or three chocolates from each batch.

I mean, gotcha.

Just don't let too many samples get past
you into the drop bin.

If you do, this warning light will
flash.

Yes, letting you know that you should
pick up the pace.

Otherwise, the drop bin will overload
and trip the abort switch.

In which case, you'll have to start all
over. Are there any questions?

No, no. We just need two or three from
each batch.

Sounds great.

Oh, exactly how many batches are there?

Exactly 3 ,247.

Roll the bell!

Oh, no.

That lame height attempt you pulled
today scared the hell out of Rhonda.

So now VIP's holding both halves of the
formula. Of course I get a copy of my

half. Then you just have to get hers
back.

Actually, going to VIP was my idea.

Soon we'll have her half as well as my
own.

How do you plan on doing that?

I was counting on your help.

I don't think that's me anymore.

If you tried these ones, the little
round silly ones, they said, you know

you can't blow our cover.

Don't you feel sick at all, Val?

Yeah, I have very bad metabolism.

I'm sure it doesn't affect me very much.

What? What's the matter?

I thought you were a big chocolate
bunny.

That's a phone speed pedal, I think.
Well, make it slow down!

I can't!

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh,

my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

That means Bernard is with the bad guys.

Come on, hold on.

If you get me out of this, I promise, I
will never deal Tosh with Snickers bars

ever again.

Stop!

VIP.

Got it. Thanks, Val.

You're right.

Bernie's buddy -buddy with the creeps
that threatened Rhonda.

Which means she's not safe.

Hang on a second.

If Bernie's tied with the bad guys and
they know she doesn't have the formula,

we've got no reason to harm her.

Not good enough.

Quick.

Release the lady and let her walk to me.

And I'll let you go to a knife's comfy
cell instead of a prison hospital.

Well, aren't you the brave little
soldier?

Can't you see there's two of us?

You're right.

The odds are in my favor.

Look out!

Nothing. All right.

I'm in the marina. See if I can pick up
any sounds of that sedan.

All right. I'll keep working on it.

Kay's got Interpol on the description of
your bad guy.

Thanks, man.

Hold on.

It's quick. What's the deal?

I know. I'm happy to hear your voice.

Rhonda, you okay?

They threatened me plenty, but they
didn't hurt me.

So let me guess. They couldn't hurt you
because you have the formula, but

they'll be back for it, and you better
give it up or else?

Exactly right.

Hold on a second.

Guys, Bernard made a 9 a .m. meeting at
the factory.

No kidnap attempt on him.

So Rhonda's being strong -armed while
Bernie's untouched.

He's got to be a bad guy.

He's not half as bad as his friend at
the factory.

My face recognition program just spit
something out.

The thug's name is Slavin, and he's an
enforcer for the Oblonsky mob.

I told you Bernard had a money problem.
Maybe there's a connection.

Well, whatever it is, you're not safe
until your baby brother's put in his

place. All right.

To let you know that my heart's in the
right place, I'll go with you.

Could I go home and rest?

They just let me go. They're not going
to come back to me quite yet.

Johnny? Hey, don't worry.

Full Ducati escort through the front
door.

Hello. Sorry, traffic.

You know, it's not nice to keep people
waiting.

Especially when they're the people who
can kick your sorry ass in the gym.

For what?

Putting too much sugar in people's
diets?

This pal of yours?

Kidnapped your sister.

Oh, my God.

Where is he? What did they want?

You know, for a second there, I actually
believed he cared.

Which is quite a stretch, considering
you're this bad boy's friends.

What's a nice round figure?

50 million.

Once again, you're aiming low. I'm in
way deeper.

Rhonda?

She's okay.

No thanks to you.

Look.

I admit I owe them money.

I admit they've come to see me. I admit
that I'd love for my dear, sweet,

ignorant sister to give me her half of
the formula so I can get out of debt.

But look at him.

Go back two generations and he's a
slithering oneself creature. He doesn't

orders from me.

Well, then you better find a way to pay
him back.

And soon.

Because if he touches Rhonda again,
you're a dead man.

Let's get out of here.

Hey, I was starting to worry.

Don't bother.

I've got to live another day before they
come for the formula and kill me,

right?

Listen, I won't let that happen.

Quick.

What you've done for me means a lot.

When Mom died, I wasn't sure who I could
turn to.

I'm glad it was you.

Oh, Mom.

But we have to get real.

You can't protect me forever.

So what do you do? Give up?

In a way.

I thought that I wanted to with grannies
eventually, but... For now, what if I

just did nothing?

What if I went away for a while?

Put the formula with me?

If Bernie and his goons can't find me,
they can't make me sell, right?

Without my half of the formula, all
Bernie has is a piece of paper.

You know he's starting to sound like
him?

Bernie means well.

Oh, not that.

What you just said, Bernie.

Always used to be Bernard.

Bernie is what he calls himself.

A minute.

You got a soft spot.

What can I say? This whole thing has me
turning to mush.

Do you care about me?

Give me my half of the formula.

Let me run away to some faraway island
until this whole thing blows over.

Andre.

You don't have to run away.

I think so.

The best way to keep the company intact.

Besides, I'll be back.

Guys, it's Detective Crispy.

Tasha, I'm here.

Tasha, I'm glad I found you in.

Are you working for Rhonda Goshen?

You could say that.

She's as quick as we speak.

There's something here you have to see.

All right, I'll be right over.

What would it be?

I don't get it. What are we looking at?

Well, a good Samaritan with a video
camera brought this in. He was concerned

about car thefts on the street, so he
set this up and had it run.

I saw the press coverage of the Goshen
formula handoff, so I knew you were on

the case.

Which case is that?

You're about to see.

Rhonda.

If you know anything about this, we
could use your help. When was this

Yesterday late afternoon.

You said something about Quick being
with her now?

Somebody's mistaken.

Big time.

Rhonda, it's me.

I got the goods.

I knew I could count on you.

So, how about I come up and make sure
everything's locked up tight?

No, no.

Don't come up. I know this is hard for
you to understand, but I was crying my

eyes out waiting for you, thinking of
everything that's happened. And, well,

know how us girls are.

Why don't I freshen up and I'll meet you
downstairs?

Okay. That's how you want it.

Hey.

There she is.

Well, guess that Depends I Want you to

tell me where you're going?

That's the only way I'll know you're
safe.

I Don't know what to say Don't say
anything

Long enough.

You're really disgusting, you know that?

I'll take that.

In case they were even.

Well,

now the party's complete. You've got
what you want, let go of me!

You used these guys to dispose of Rhonda
and thought they'd let you walk free?

Where is she?

You okay?

Mm -hmm.

Well, how sweet.

A family reunion.

What are they going to do, I thought?

Don't worry about it.

I'll get you out of this.

A regular night in shining armor.

Shut up, Bernard.

I'd listen to the lady if I were you.
Like it matters.

We verify what you gave us, then bye
-bye.

Hey, you know, it's going to look a
little strange. All three of us

at once.

I don't think so.

The way you've been coming on to Little
Miss Goshen here, I'd bet money you were

ready to party down.

You know, you shouldn't get behind the
wheel if you've had so much to drink.

I knew something was off.

You calling yourself Bernie?

Your hands?

Plus, you don't smell so great.

Yeah, get over it. You know you wanted
me.

Something's off.

I know.

Everyone knows I'm office manager and
technical support supervisor.

Hey, Natasha meant that Quick's been out
of touch.

I'd say. Ever since he met that Rhonda,
he has been so out of it. Val, I think

what Johnny meant was Quick's been
incommunicado.

Is there some kind of language barrier
here?

The Nikki is checking out Rhonda's
place.

Yeah, it's me.

And?

Well, no way Quick would leave his car
out on the street overnight.

The problem's like his pet dog.

Unless he ran into the same guys that
took Rhonda in that video.

Lady and gentlemen, thank you for your
honesty.

Your contributions checked out.

And now, so will you.

You are the designated driver.

Happy, Rhonda?

We could have sold the company and
retired wealthy.

I'd rather go out this way.

Not smart, sis.

Remember, I warned you.

What would happen if they touched Rhonda
again?

Oh, right. I'm a dead man.

Newsflash, so are you. At least you get
to go out drunk.

This is where Grisby's Good Samaritan
shot the video.

I count two on the streets.

You guys know what we're up against
inside.

On it.

I'll get the car.

You know, it's hard to quarrel and drive
at the same time when you've had as

much to drink as you.

You're so gonna get it.

Me?

What about our host?

You.

If I didn't kiss you, you'd be dead now.

Quick.

Do you honestly think I wanted to kiss
you?

John, are you in?

And talk right now.

Dude, I'm telling you, that's a 61
Caddy.

Yeah, I know.

Hey!

Who's that?

Oh,

my God.

Johnny.

My man, Johnny.

Hi, Johnny.

Hey, babe.

My man, Johnny.

How you doing, brother? Good to see you.

If they see me laying next to you on a
slab, you don't shut up.

Hey, you don't have to yell at me.

So let me ask you something.

What?

Rhonda's a good -looking woman, right?

That's right.

So... If someone were to look just like
her... Huh?

Oh, hell, you can't fault a guy for...

Being fooled.

Whatever you're saying, keep it down,
all right?

See?

Ah, see?

My man Johnny agrees with me.

Hush, that might be a good time.

This guy's too good at looking like his
good -looking sister's not my fault.

Hey, guy.

Get in here, guys. We need your help.
Let's go.

Let's

see

if we can get these untied.

I was trying to keep this simple, but
now it looks like I'm going to have to

dispose of you the old -fashioned way.
All right, what's this on the floor? Who

wants it first?

Nice

dress,

man.

How did I do?

My knight in shining armor.

we could count on you.

You had me wrapped around your finger,
didn't you?

Just trying to make a buck.

I wouldn't hit a girl, would you?

Good luck for you.

Can I have lots of boyfriends while
you're going?

Now I am back to being drunk.

I cannot

believe that we are staging an
intervention so quick.

It's our duty to remind him that he is
the macho hunk that he is.

There he is. Oh, hey, Click. We were
just talking about the old days of VIP.

Yeah, have a seat, have a seat. Come on,
sit down, sit down. Yeah. Come on.

Okay.

That's nice.

Remember the time that we were working
at the hospital and you and Johnny had

that little contest where you could see
how many nurses' phone numbers you could

get? Yeah, yeah.

And old Jamie Quick won by a landslide.

Well, of course.

Remember the time we were bodyguarding
that lingerie fashion show? And you

rekindled your romance with your old
girlfriend?

Yeah. Remember?

You guys getting at something?

What? Yeah.

That Quick Williams is the most woman
-loving man on this planet.

I did some research, too. I phoned Kay,
and she looked into your files, and she

found that you called, not once, three
times to 1 -900 -CHEERLEADER -THAN -HE.

Yeah, that's great, but it's no need. It
is? All right, it's good.

No need.

Listen, I think it's time for a little
man -to -man talk.

Oh, good. Good, yeah.

Okay. Yeah.

That'd be edumacational.

You believe those girls, huh?

Kidders. Like one little case of
mistaken identity.

Man.

It's a thing that I almost... Well, I
could have... Quick.

Just let it go.

It's over. Forget it.

I'm going to have to drink the town dry
to do that.

Well, may I suggest a more enlightened
approach?

I can take that.

There you go. Thank you.

Thank you.

Nice.