All language subtitles for vip_s01e22_val_the_hard_way

This is insane.

I'm one of the most lovable men on
television.

My TV crew has been moving on up for
years.

America loves George Jefferson.

Relax, Mr. Hempstead. I'm a trained
professional.

In what?

Looking like a hot mama?

Boy,

I'm going to lay a weapon on you if we
get out of this mess.

Save it, sweet lips. Hang on.

blame the shooting gallery we're in? I
just took my bag off the carousel at L

.A. What the hell is this stuff?

Genar, you took the wrong bag.

Just pull over and let's get it back.

It's too late for negotiations.

Grab the wheel. We're switching seats.

I'd love to, but my driver's license is
expired.

I don't think they'll be needing this
stuff.

What do you say? You and me, a couple of
martinis, Vegas, a little currency

exchange. Then we can exchange some
other things.

You guys don't understand. I got an
unlucky punch. I'm not a bodyguard. But

are. You'd be a figurehead. A name on
the door. You'll probably never even

the office.

You'll help us pull in the Richie thing.

We'll do the rest. We're professionals.

We'll take care of all the tough stuff.

So I'll never be in any danger?

Never. Never. Never.

You know, my brother's complaining about
basic training, but I like to see them

and their marine buddies follow you
around our mall for six hours in high

Oh, my God.

TG. TG, I see him.

TG. You guy in the mall. You guy in the
mall. You guy in the mall. It's not a

girl. Ooh, I need a rest in my heart.

Yeah, you need to save the energy for
tomorrow night.

Tomorrow night?

What? What?

What? We're going to the movies, right?
I mean, that could be pretty taxing, you

know, searching for a parking space and
standing in line for tickets, then

you've got to stand in another line for
popcorn, and then you've got to... We're

going to the movies tomorrow night.

Make sure to wear your new blue dress.

Mm -hmm.

Okay, I planned a first -year
anniversary celebration for a whole year

I mean, according to your resume, that's
a first.

I know. I made it a whole year. I can't
believe it. Yeah, neither could Tasha.

All right, but you gotta ask the prize,
Val. I promised the co -workers I

wouldn't steal the beans.

Also, I gotta keep a secret that you
can't keep a secret.

Yeah?

Now, what's the words that you call me
out of the Captain's Pancake Breakfast?

Does the phrase Double D get you
excited?

Sometimes.

The Double D Girls.

In the flesh.

D for danger.

Righteous bust, Umbrano.

The ladies had just cracked the highest
tech safe in the valley. Didn't even

need their ice blue speakers.

The real question is, what were they up
to next?

Found this in their arcade van.

Uh, plane tickets to Las Vegas, hotel
reservations.

Place an address for a meet.

And this, whatever it is.

The Prophet.

The who?

The Prophet. He runs a high -end crew
out of Compton. Used to.

Got hooked up with one of the
international mobs.

Got slippery as a sardine. Which mob?

We don't know who's pulling his strings,
but I'd love to find out.

Oh, I hope you're not thinking of using
them to rope the profit.

I mean, come on, look at him. You got a
stone killer, a gun -crazed Yahoo, a

computer genius.

I'm not sure what the other one does.

On the other hand...

If the prophet hired an L .A. crew for a
Vegas job, it's precisely to avoid a

face -to -face.

He likes being invisible.

So they never met. What does that have
to do with anything? We send a crew

posing as the Double D girls.

We follow the prophet's plan to a T.

Until we catch him with his mitts in the
cookie jar.

Maybe even find out who he's working
for.

As a matter of fact, I've got just the
right crew in mind.

and clearly stated we were to be here by
5 o 'clock so that we have time to hide

before Maxine brings in Val and we yell
surprise.

Kay, have you ever known Val to be on
time for anything?

Well, there was that one time when we
went to the sale at Neiman Marcus.

Val brought a sleeping bag because
everybody started lining up at 1 a .m.

and Val camped out to get into a sale?

Not exactly.

Val spent the night at the Beverly
Wilshire. But she did show up on time.

right, everybody, places. Get down.

Hold your fire.

Detective Crispy? What's going on here?

Surprise party for Val. What are you
doing here?

Looking for you guys. I guess I didn't
read the whole invitation.

Surprise! Stop your weapons!

This really is a surprise.

What does that mean?

Were you expecting us?

No, no.

Val, I'm sorry if I stumbled in at a bad
time, but I need your help.

The double D girl.

That D for danger.

Now, Val, don't get me wrong. No one is
more beautiful and lethal than you.

But there is a superficial resemblance
between you and Monica, the D's cold and

ruthless leader.

Oh, yeah, I can be cold and ruthless. I
always act like Tasha.

Who, it turns out, is a ringer for
Monica's sister, Marsha.

The real brains of the operation, right?

Fronted out of auto repair school at age
15, Monica saved her from the street by

guiding her into a life of crime.

Rachel, the techno -biz.

You give Nikki a pair of thick glasses,
she's got the part.

No way am I parading around like some
four -eyed geek.

Sorry, Kay.

You'll have to if we want this to work.

Wouldn't it be better if I was their
bomb expert?

That would be the torch.

Looted out of Britain's elite strategic
air services.

Kay, you spend some time in London?

Six months with the receptionist
exchange program, actually, there.

Old chap.

Chris, not that I'm complaining, but I
don't exactly fill out one of those

double Ds. Well, the prophet won't be
expecting you.

You'll be free to watch the other's
backs.

Here's the location of the meet. We got
it off the satellite image.

You can check it out once you're in
Vegas.

Val?

Oh, yeah.

It's okay with me.

It won't be easy.

You're going to have to fly to Las Vegas
in a private jet ASAP, stay in some

fancy hotel.

And throw money away like there's no
tomorrow.

Oh, that's going to be really tough.

But up to Maxine because she's the one
who's throwing the party.

Well, great.

When do we go?

I can smell so much money, I think I'm
going to sneeze. I'm going to throw up.

This outfit reminds me of my uniform
from Mon Valley Catholic High School.

You're Rachel, meek but brainy.

A very potent combination.

What a slain brain.

I'll torch your ass, dweeb.

Okay, say the D -Girl pose for the
profit, okay?

Yeah, speaking of posing, those
highlights really soften your look. I

to see my obedient, loving sister in
action.

If you think I'm going to be your little
lap dog, get over it. All right,

people, let's be cool.

To Vegas, man. Sin City.

Vegas.

Hello, ladies. I hope you're enjoying
your ride.

Who's that nimrod?

Please allow me to introduce myself.

I'm the prophet.

You people come highly recommended.

Now let's see what you're made of.

I have a little tech. No camera. It's a
one -way transmission.

We're about to find out. Nimrod's been
rid by the prophet, then.

The driver.

Sorry, but I've only paid your driver
for half the trip.

Just kick back and relax.

Enjoy the ride.

I'll be your pilot.

I'm not the only one who would feel
better if there was somebody driving the

car. Got it.

Let's just consider this a new employee
test.

I used to have my new employees fill out
forms and things like that, but it got

really fun.

Don't even think about trying to open
the doors.

Do you set up a plastic charge that'll
turn all you guys into oatmeal?

The problem is, if you don't disarm the
bomb, it'll co -ordinate in two seconds.

That sounds like a job for the tort.

Of course, I have no idea how to find a
bomb.

I knew these wouldn't last.

Val, I need help up here. No!

I'm the one who wanted to go in the
Hummer with Ted, so you need to... Val!

Okay.

Okay.

He's controlling the car. He's got to
have a broadcast leak, just like a cell

phone. If I can latch on to it, I can
clone it.

All guys couldn't pass the test.

Look, I was told to hire this crew
because they were the best. Just making

I did the right thing.

Oh, this is fun.

It's in

the armrest.

Well, 52 seconds.

It's not enough time to defuse it, but
I'm pretty sure I can loosen it without

triggering the detonator. I think the
torch would be a little bit more upbeat

than that. Okay.

Steering wheel.

I got it. There's some kind of motor
drive linked to the steering column.

Oh, no. Oh,

no.

There. It should have your steering
wheel. Hey, watch it.

Hey. That was close.

Way to go, ladies. And now you can
steer.

Let's see how you do on the Autobahn.

That's the last time I take a job so you
can get a free vacation.

That prophet guy has a piston loop.

Maybe we should keep an eye on him. Come
on. He'll see us coming ten miles away.

Well, it wasn't my idea to pose as
Double D's.

I have an idea.

Oh, don't say that. No, I'm serious.

You guys are gonna love Emil.

He's a bomb. He's a gay queer author,
slash shoe shopper. He's my friend.

when I called.

Guys, this is Emile.

We used to shop together on Melrose, you
know, when I wasn't a famous bodyguard.

Now he's at a show in Vegas.

He's only here at the Hard Rock a couple
nights for a benefit performance.

Yes, and I hear you need some place to
hide out. You can use my room if you

want. Well, it's a little more than
that. We need a cover for our cover.

Well...

backstage, girls, to the dressing rooms.
I'll see what I can do.

Come along now. Ta -ta.

Let's go, girls.

The dressing room? That's your plan?
Putting us undercover as showgirls?

blow a wig, Tasha. You probably won't
even pass the audition.

I made the decision to go international.

That means sometimes we accept advice
from our backers.

But the prophet always knows what's
coming.

Always.

So please tell me you got the d -girl
they got in their hotel.

I put the word out on the streets.

No one's seen them.

What were my orders?

Keep a tight watch on them.

Do you know what the word tight means? I
think so.

Okay, get some outside contact players
to sniff out their trail and keep an eye

on them. Can you do that? Yeah.

Pathetic.

Oh, it's cool. He's our dance coach.

Oh, yes.

That's right.

Chop, chop.

Chop, chop.

Oh,

this damn headdress. Oh, yes.

Oh, yucky. You're so sweet.

You know, those things are just so
silly.

Quick Williams.

Fleet is feet west of the Mighty Miss.

I'm with those new girls.

So, uh, you sure you got enough room up
in there? Well, I'm a gypsy, you know. I

pick up my work wherever I can find it.

My whole life is in that trunk right
behind you.

Oh, that sounds exciting.

Tell me something quick.

Are you dating anybody?

Oh, no.

No, I'm open, you know what I'm saying?

Wide open.

Great. That is so great.

Because I know a couple of guys who
would be perfect.

Excuse me.

I'm open, but see, I'm not really ready.

The reason is, I just got out of this
major relationship, and

he was gorgeous.

So gorgeous, but so insensitive.

I know.

Well, you let me know when you're ready,
huh?

Mm -hmm. Yeah?

Mm -hmm.

I'm not worthy.

We nailed that profit to whatever his
name is.

They say you can see everything in Vegas
from the rooftop here. Yeah?

You thinking what I'm thinking?

A little covert operation?

Yep.

Hey, Kay.

What's your favorite number?

Hi. 3 .1415. A real number brain
surgeon.

18.

Here you go.

Hello, Val's House of Bubbles.

Val, it's me. I'm here with Nikki. We've
got a plan.

So, okay, and I have a plan, too. We're
going to sit here until we win something

at Keno.

What's your plan?

Oh, we thought we'd just hang out here
for a couple of hours playing the slots

and drinking. Then we thought, no, why
don't we do something useful and check

out the bad guy?

No, wait a second, wait a second. What
about going undercover as showgirls?

Emil's going to have a complete aneurysm
if we don't show up.

She's right, Tosh.

That cover's really useful.

Why don't I hang with Val and we'll
cover the damn stuff, cool?

All right, Val, you stay behind at
Caesar's Palace and tell Kay to gear up

some surveillance work.

Yes, sir, fine, fine.

Throw another one.

Got a little candid camera for you.

Profits Warehouse.

They're retrofitting the van. I'm trying
to get you a good shot.

Those shots are big enough for a dump
truck. What are they up to?

Something heavy.

No pun intended.

Josh, you're at 3 o 'clock.

Pack it in and catch up. Oh, no.

They could have photographed some very
sensitive information here.

Girls, I just found this peeper time in
front of the casino. Go on for your

show.

Hang on, I'm a private investigator.

All right, Dan Tanner, spill it. I want
to know who hired you what.

I don't know.

I was hired through a blind mail drop to
keep an eye on you. Check this, Kay.

You got it.

What's that?

If I had to guess, somebody who works
for the prophet.

Yeah, well, if there wasn't any profit,
why would I do it? You guys, we've got a

problem.

There goes our cover.

Erase it.

On here I can, but the digital disc is
gone.

It's showtime, girls.

Oh, please.

I was told to bring the disc here and
dump it into one of the showgirls'

bottoms.

Well, which one?

The panties with the red dice.

That's all I know.

And now, ladies and gentlemen...

The disc could still be in one of those
bottoms.

Again, it's up to us.

Come on.

Okay, Nick, let's check everybody's ass
for the disc.

Come on.

Red dye.

Nothing here.

Here you go.

Guys, come on. Hurry.

Don't rush me.

Hey, we've got to get the disc back.

Come on, it's almost over.

Wait, wait!

I don't think I was done with that.

Nothing.

Gypsy, huh?

Let's go in after her.

Wait a second.

What if the prophet's watching us right
now?

You guys better look like D -girls, not
VIP girls.

Oh, yeah.

Not a fool.

You D -girls got some explaining to do,
but that's what we really are.

Time for you to tell me why you're
snooping on me.

We're snooping on you guys because
that's what we do. We're double D

We're checking it out.

Let's see what we got.

All right.

Like your style.

I say we get you girls your stuff.

All that's up to you, Twinkle Toes. My
deal is to work with the D -Girls, not

the dance coach. And you, oh, my babe.

Ooh, I love you.

Thank you for this lovely sweetie.

I'll spread out. I've been working with
you.

Hi.

What do you think about this, Red?

Have you ever cut with a helium -neon
laser before?

Neon, helium, freon, you name it.

Yeah, yeah, I could cut with this, baby.

Bloody good.

What do you got to say for yourself,
Slim?

Listen, Prof, we got to get the 911 and
the 411 and what this whole gig is, you

know, all about. Relax.

You will find out soon enough.

I've set up a dry run for tomorrow
morning. And meanwhile, you guys just

good night's sleep.

And I'll see you in the morning.

Good day.

Good day.

Hey, girl.

Quick.

I'm so glad to see you.

I'm so sorry about what happened. You
know, I don't know what's up with

lately. He's just so stressed out.

Well, what line of work is he in anyway?

Work?

He doesn't tell me much.

Esmeralda, honey, what's the matter?

our butts off, goes grabbing everybody's
rear end, then we hook up with the

prophet at some strip joint, and he
totally thinks that we are the bomb. We

totally hooked up, way ahead of
schedule, we have found out everything.

There's only one snag, detective.

We don't know what we're stealing, or
from where. Well, it's not cash, because

if it was, you wouldn't need those
giganto truck shocks.

You know what's heavy?

Platinum's heavy.

I had these platinum earrings for
Christmas, and they totally weighed down

ears, stretched them out like Dumbo.

There's a government lab now. car from
here where they develop all of the new

stat scan monitors and hard drives.

Both of which use platinum.

Enough platinum to fill those trucks
would be worth $26 million.

Val, you're a genius.

I know my jewelry.

Our dry run's tomorrow.

Well, report to me after the tests run.
Then when it comes time for the real

thing, my men will replace the
government security team. Then we'll

cast iron to look like platinum.

I want to find out who he reports to.
Wait a minute.

Bad news.

The D -girls escaped.

They busted out of a prison van about 20
miles outside of San Quentin.

I guess you'll be all right if they
don't decide to jump back on the profit

Watch your backs, guys.

Nice work, Val.

Crispy's so sweet.

If he was 12 or 14 years younger, in a
totally different line of work, and

looked...

Totally different.

Now,

is that any way to greet a high roller?

You know what?

No more excuse.

Because this anniversary party is going
to go off without a hitch.

Even if I have to throw it here in Sin
City or my name is in Maxi Maria Salina

Teresa Indy.

Escobar del Fuego de la Cruz.

Hey, nice glasses.

Will you point at the sister?

That was funny. I made that up.

Let's go to the hard rock. I want to
show you everything. So cool. Say no

This needs a crew.

When this thing is over, maybe I can
help you.

But aren't you hooked up with those D
-girls?

Why help me?

We're just doing a job for your
boyfriend.

Promise me you'll stay away from him.

You don't understand.

He's dangerous.

Yeah. I know.

I'm scared, Quick.

Esmeralda, I can't say too much.

But trust me.

the prophet is not going to be a problem
for you much longer.

Okay, you ladies wait in here. I do not
know how to use a laser. I can barely

handle an eyebrow tweezer. Okay, get a
grip before I just... Okay,

listen. Okay, I used to be this little
girl that worked at a hot dog stand, and

yesterday I set up to a gangster in
Compton. If I can do this, you can do

okay? You're the torch, and you look
great.

Check this out. You got a surprise.

I moved up to timetable.

This ain't gonna be no test run.

It's gonna be the real job right now.

Hey, Tasha, now what are we gonna do?

Crispy said his men aren't gonna be in
place until tomorrow.

Well, remember what he said. We have to
catch Profit in the handoff.

Okay, ladies, get ready to do your
thing.

Esmeralda, you seen her?

Uh, no. Ask Emil.

Who uses that computer back there?

It's Emil. He uses it to schedule the
girls. Have you seen it?

What do you think? These are a tracking
device.

All right. Does anyone else have access
to that computer?

Well, some of the girls use it to email
their boyfriends. It's not exactly

private. Thanks.

Come on, Val. Pick up.

The mobile phone you are calling is not
in service.

I told you, we check out every job. We
know you're after that electronic -grade

platinum.

Ladies are the real deal.

Rachel, you're on.

Come on, you heard the man.

I'll break the torch.

Maybe if you were a real poor eye, you
wouldn't need my help.

Like me.

Okay.

We're getting close.

She'd have somebody flagging the red
truck.

Okay, Marsha, that'd be you.

Shoot.

Right, boss.

Marsha, bring the truck around.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Golden diamonds are just baubles. In a
telecommunications age, platinum rules.

In a telecommunications age, people
check out who they're working with.

This is Double D's gig profit.

That's who your handlers wanted, and
that's who they're going to get.

Phonies. Can you tell a real Double D
when you see one?

You know our history.

Ask this bimbo what her last six jobs
were. You could just stay here and

all day long, but your platinum is going
to turn it. You don't know what the

double D's last six jobs were, D.

and your cream of wheat.

Old meal.

Yeah, that too. I got people I gotta
report to.

There's gonna be a price on your head.

Val, it's gone.

And so are the double Ds.

I feel like I got hit by a truck.

No, the truck got away.

You got hit by a double D. Oh.

Val, I'm glad you're okay. Listen, our
cover's been blown.

What's the deal with the heist?

Hang up.

Hang up.

They already know their cover's been
blown.

You see that truck?

It's got the loot from the prophet's
heist. And your friends are not.

You're the one who was using Emil's
computer.

Now you're taking the platinum out of
your costume trunk.

Specially reinforced for the occasion.

Look, quick, if it makes you feel any
better, you know, I didn't buy the whole

gay dance coach thing.

Yeah, but you still stripped down in
front of me. Yeah.

Nothing like a little flesh to cloud a
man's mind.

Better than the force.

Look, the profit works for me.

I got the shiner sparring when I didn't
duck for one of these.

Hey, load it up and put it in the trunk.
We'll be on our way. And look, you

guys, we even got ourselves a little
hostage.

Monica,

Marcia, shoot the pill.

Val, you and me inside.

You and me?

Yes, now, Val.

Be the torch.

Be the torch.

Be the torch.

Okay,

let's put a dance partner.

one computer geek receptionist in this
town, sweetheart.

You know, you've got to, uh, you've
really got to quit your gig and team up

us. I mean, we'd be able to give Sigmund
and Leroy a run for their money. We

would. Oh, that'd be so cool, but I
can't leave Hollywood. It would be safe

without me.

Now, why are you guys showing me your
room again? You have any tricks you want

to show me?

Oh, uh, well, uh, kind of. Uh, not, uh,
not, not exactly.

situations know nothing. Hallelujah.

Hallelujah.