Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:45,190 --> 00:00:46,570
What? Move over.
2
00:00:47,290 --> 00:00:48,290
Okay.
3
00:00:54,010 --> 00:00:54,490
What
4
00:00:54,490 --> 00:01:04,910
the
5
00:01:04,910 --> 00:01:05,910
hell are you doing in my bed?
6
00:01:07,530 --> 00:01:08,530
Jogging.
7
00:01:09,390 --> 00:01:11,470
You can't sleep here, Berg.
8
00:01:12,810 --> 00:01:14,230
People talk as it is.
9
00:01:17,130 --> 00:01:19,790
Something from Ashley's apartment is
leaking on my bed, all right? It's
10
00:01:19,790 --> 00:01:22,790
wet. I haven't slept in 48 hours, and I
have to be back at the hospital first
11
00:01:22,790 --> 00:01:23,708
thing in the morning.
12
00:01:23,710 --> 00:01:26,650
The couch is closer to the hospital. Why
don't you go sleep there?
13
00:01:27,730 --> 00:01:29,030
I can't, okay?
14
00:01:29,430 --> 00:01:32,050
Last week, I spilled milk on the couch,
and for some reason, now it smells.
15
00:01:34,050 --> 00:01:35,610
So go sleep on the floor.
16
00:01:35,910 --> 00:01:38,870
I can't. For some reason, there's a line
of ants heading towards the couch.
17
00:01:41,250 --> 00:01:42,250
Fine.
18
00:01:42,330 --> 00:01:43,510
You can sleep here. Good.
19
00:01:46,430 --> 00:01:48,670
You don't mind. I'm just going to read a
little bit.
20
00:01:49,830 --> 00:01:51,450
Oh, the TV won't bother you, will it?
21
00:01:52,930 --> 00:01:55,290
And now, the singing fish.
22
00:02:01,610 --> 00:02:05,450
Last time I buy you a gift out of the
airplane catalog.
23
00:02:23,910 --> 00:02:25,450
You can't fool me. I know it's you.
24
00:02:28,510 --> 00:02:29,530
What are you doing?
25
00:02:30,030 --> 00:02:31,030
Oh, I'm going to paint my door.
26
00:02:31,170 --> 00:02:34,570
According to the ancient art of feng
shui, a blue door says, welcome.
27
00:02:34,890 --> 00:02:35,890
Now go home.
28
00:02:36,070 --> 00:02:37,070
Hey.
29
00:02:37,670 --> 00:02:40,630
I mean, no, I'm not here for what you
think. I just really need a place to
30
00:02:40,630 --> 00:02:43,350
sleep. Oh, and you thought, why not on
top of Irene?
31
00:02:44,950 --> 00:02:47,270
Look, I told you I'm not ready to commit
to you.
32
00:02:47,510 --> 00:02:51,650
Besides, my hands are full. Frankly,
some of the cats are very, very high
33
00:02:51,650 --> 00:02:52,650
the paint.
34
00:02:59,630 --> 00:03:02,790
Irene, something from Ashley's apartment
is leaking on my bed, okay? I just need
35
00:03:02,790 --> 00:03:03,830
a place to sleep. That's all.
36
00:03:04,050 --> 00:03:06,010
Okay, go tell her to fix the leak. No,
she's at the hospital.
37
00:03:06,310 --> 00:03:09,410
All right, then just go sleep in her
room.
38
00:03:09,790 --> 00:03:10,790
Here's your key.
39
00:03:11,110 --> 00:03:13,290
Please tell me Johnny loaned you a
superintendent's key.
40
00:03:13,710 --> 00:03:15,290
Once. That's when I had these made.
41
00:03:20,970 --> 00:03:21,970
Baby, where you been?
42
00:03:22,150 --> 00:03:26,470
Not now, sweetheart. I gotta call the
roofer guy. Three hours I waited for
43
00:03:26,490 --> 00:03:28,580
and he never showed up. Oh, God, you
know what? That reminds me. It reminds
44
00:03:28,640 --> 00:03:30,360
the roofer guy called, and he can't show
up.
45
00:03:32,820 --> 00:03:34,060
Why didn't you call me?
46
00:03:34,460 --> 00:03:36,160
I was about to, but the phone broke.
47
00:03:36,360 --> 00:03:37,360
What happened to it?
48
00:03:37,680 --> 00:03:40,600
I don't know. Nobody asked me for it.
Things fall into other things.
49
00:03:42,640 --> 00:03:44,460
The garbage disposal's broken, too.
50
00:03:47,880 --> 00:03:51,620
What a day I am having. Everything is
going wrong. First of all, there was
51
00:03:51,660 --> 00:03:54,420
why is this beer warm, and how come the
little lights aren't coming on?
52
00:03:55,300 --> 00:03:57,560
Oh, I thought I unplugged the disposal.
53
00:04:02,380 --> 00:04:03,380
Yeah, it's here.
54
00:04:04,040 --> 00:04:06,880
Oh, God, I feel so good.
55
00:04:07,160 --> 00:04:09,500
See, tomorrow's going to be a better
day. Oh, lower.
56
00:04:10,080 --> 00:04:11,300
Tomorrow's going to be a better day.
57
00:04:16,160 --> 00:04:19,420
Come on, maybe I can take your mind off
things.
58
00:04:19,720 --> 00:04:20,639
Oh, yeah?
59
00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:24,180
What exactly do you have in mind? I went
to the store today.
60
00:04:24,780 --> 00:04:25,860
Did you get candles?
61
00:04:26,080 --> 00:04:26,889
Oh, yeah.
62
00:04:26,890 --> 00:04:28,410
Did you get massage oil? Oh, yeah.
63
00:04:28,770 --> 00:04:29,830
And did you get protection?
64
00:04:30,090 --> 00:04:32,250
Oh, God, you know, I've really got to
start making up a list.
65
00:04:36,070 --> 00:04:37,790
I got my hopes up and everything.
66
00:04:38,210 --> 00:04:40,010
Well, baby, just go out and buy some
more.
67
00:04:40,350 --> 00:04:43,110
Oh, wait, it's freezing outside, and
believe me, cold is not going to help us
68
00:04:43,110 --> 00:04:44,110
the long run.
69
00:04:44,770 --> 00:04:47,350
Okay, okay, okay, then go get some from
Pete and Berg.
70
00:04:48,370 --> 00:04:49,370
Ew!
71
00:04:53,230 --> 00:04:55,650
I'm not going to have them sitting up
there knowing their protection is
72
00:04:55,650 --> 00:04:56,650
lucky with my wife.
73
00:04:57,670 --> 00:04:59,990
Well, then you better go take a cold
bath.
74
00:05:01,950 --> 00:05:02,950
Showerhead broke off.
75
00:05:10,110 --> 00:05:11,270
Oh, gross.
76
00:05:17,570 --> 00:05:18,570
Oh.
77
00:05:19,390 --> 00:05:21,630
I should have asked for these back when
we broke up.
78
00:05:44,360 --> 00:05:45,360
We're the king.
79
00:06:33,870 --> 00:06:34,870
building a tornado shelter?
80
00:06:38,690 --> 00:06:41,230
Do you know where Johnny is? Because
he's not answering his phone.
81
00:06:41,530 --> 00:06:44,590
Well, it's the middle of the night. He's
probably asleep, like most normal
82
00:06:44,590 --> 00:06:45,590
people.
83
00:06:48,230 --> 00:06:50,950
Ah, so you've been watching us. Good.
84
00:06:53,970 --> 00:06:57,630
Listen, since you're awake and your bed
is empty, do you think I could crash
85
00:06:57,630 --> 00:06:58,249
here tonight?
86
00:06:58,250 --> 00:07:02,030
Peter, I told you, I am no longer
interested in you. I know, that's why
87
00:07:02,030 --> 00:07:03,030
easy to ask this.
88
00:07:03,130 --> 00:07:05,250
Oh, I understand perfectly.
89
00:07:06,030 --> 00:07:09,010
You don't get thirsty until the well
runs dry.
90
00:07:12,810 --> 00:07:16,190
Take away your candy. Suddenly you have
a sweet tooth.
91
00:07:17,450 --> 00:07:19,410
Could you use earth words, please?
92
00:07:21,550 --> 00:07:22,730
You want me.
93
00:07:27,110 --> 00:07:28,890
Okay. Yeah, you're right, Irene.
94
00:07:29,500 --> 00:07:33,060
All these years of snubbing you have
been an elaborate ruse to get you in bed
95
00:07:33,060 --> 00:07:34,060
tonight. Wow.
96
00:07:34,280 --> 00:07:35,800
Oh, this is bordering on obsession.
97
00:07:36,460 --> 00:07:37,840
Don't make me get a restraining order.
98
00:07:39,980 --> 00:07:42,020
You can have mine. Just reverse the
names.
99
00:07:49,140 --> 00:07:51,260
I'll be off in a second. I just got to
check my messages.
100
00:07:51,760 --> 00:07:55,040
I went out with a terrific guy the other
night, and I'm hoping he calls.
101
00:07:55,260 --> 00:07:57,440
He's really rich. Not that that matters.
102
00:08:34,890 --> 00:08:35,709
I understand.
103
00:08:35,710 --> 00:08:36,909
I'm more addictive than crack.
104
00:08:39,390 --> 00:08:41,150
Is that my music box?
105
00:08:42,010 --> 00:08:43,010
No.
106
00:08:43,570 --> 00:08:47,310
Okay, so hypothetically, since you're in
your apartment, if I call you back
107
00:08:47,310 --> 00:08:48,950
right now, you're going to pick up your
phone?
108
00:08:49,910 --> 00:08:52,610
Not a chance, lady. You really got to
get over me. I got to go.
109
00:09:14,890 --> 00:09:15,890
Can't we just mess around?
110
00:09:16,230 --> 00:09:19,190
Johnny, if you could just mess around,
we wouldn't keep running out of
111
00:09:19,190 --> 00:09:20,190
protection.
112
00:09:22,710 --> 00:09:25,730
If you could make a list, we'd be making
with the bump bumps right now.
113
00:09:27,590 --> 00:09:30,010
Come on. It's not like I don't want to.
114
00:09:30,550 --> 00:09:32,710
But, I mean, you know, we've got to be
responsible.
115
00:09:32,990 --> 00:09:34,090
It's not like we're teenagers.
116
00:09:35,090 --> 00:09:36,350
Are you making fun of my parents?
117
00:09:38,690 --> 00:09:40,390
I just don't think it's worth the risk.
118
00:09:43,240 --> 00:09:44,700
Ridiculously tiny. Yeah, how tiny?
119
00:09:45,520 --> 00:09:50,200
Well, I work a lot around electrical
currents, and I'm pretty sure I'm
120
00:09:52,320 --> 00:09:57,200
Oh, oh, that's good. As we walk by,
people will say, Lookie, there goes the
121
00:09:57,200 --> 00:09:59,300
sterile electrician and his pregnant
bride.
122
00:10:01,160 --> 00:10:02,780
I can handle that. I love kids.
123
00:10:03,700 --> 00:10:07,120
I could say I wanted to raise tigers
right now, and you'd say yes.
124
00:10:07,380 --> 00:10:09,700
Sure, we could work them into our magic
act.
125
00:10:09,920 --> 00:10:10,920
Okay.
126
00:10:14,090 --> 00:10:20,030
ready to be a father whoa oh what's that
supposed to mean i'm gonna be a great
127
00:10:20,030 --> 00:10:25,590
dad yes you will someday but not now i
mean everything makes you angry broken
128
00:10:25,590 --> 00:10:31,710
phones warm beer i will have you know
that i am going to be the most patient
129
00:10:31,710 --> 00:10:38,170
understanding father a child has ever
had go away hey thanks buddy i uh
130
00:10:38,170 --> 00:10:41,720
i really need a place to crash Not here.
131
00:10:41,940 --> 00:10:43,980
No, my bed is soaking wet.
132
00:10:44,240 --> 00:10:45,620
Ugh, couch smell.
133
00:10:45,840 --> 00:10:46,840
Ashley, get this.
134
00:10:49,780 --> 00:10:56,740
I can't
135
00:10:56,740 --> 00:10:58,200
believe she thinks I'm obsessed with
her.
136
00:11:00,260 --> 00:11:02,340
She's the one who's off balance.
137
00:11:04,160 --> 00:11:06,820
She's the one who spent four months in a
special hospital.
138
00:11:09,390 --> 00:11:11,370
They didn't take away my mirrors and
shoelaces.
139
00:11:14,270 --> 00:11:17,130
You don't see me up in the middle of the
night talking to myself. Do you? No,
140
00:11:17,130 --> 00:11:18,130
you do not.
141
00:11:36,310 --> 00:11:37,530
Why am I not surprised?
142
00:11:37,990 --> 00:11:41,500
Look. Look, just because I knock on your
door once in the middle of the night
143
00:11:41,500 --> 00:11:44,700
does not mean that I'm upset with you.
But this is the second time you've
144
00:11:44,700 --> 00:11:45,699
knocked on my door.
145
00:11:45,700 --> 00:11:49,180
Oh, and that makes me upset? Look, I'm
just the knocker. You're the knocker
146
00:11:49,180 --> 00:11:50,180
counter.
147
00:11:52,280 --> 00:11:54,460
Oh, Pete, this is classic.
148
00:11:54,760 --> 00:11:58,980
Oh, it doesn't take Dr. Freud to notice
you work knockers into the conversation.
149
00:12:02,240 --> 00:12:08,900
What? What? No, no, no. Irene, that
is... You know what? The conversation is
150
00:12:08,900 --> 00:12:10,520
over. Then why are you still standing
here?
151
00:12:15,160 --> 00:12:21,820
Because it's a free country. That's why.
152
00:12:37,470 --> 00:12:38,870
Blanket? Where's my blanket?
153
00:12:42,530 --> 00:12:44,030
Shut up, Berg!
154
00:12:44,410 --> 00:12:46,070
Hey, easy.
155
00:12:46,370 --> 00:12:47,890
Little fella lost his blanket.
156
00:12:51,130 --> 00:12:53,170
You do know that's Berg, right?
157
00:12:54,110 --> 00:12:57,450
I'm just trying to show a little
patience and understanding.
158
00:12:57,770 --> 00:13:02,770
Hey, I think that's my natural fatherly
instincts kicking in.
159
00:13:04,520 --> 00:13:05,419
Okay, fine.
160
00:13:05,420 --> 00:13:07,360
But if he's hungry, I'm not
breastfeeding.
161
00:13:10,080 --> 00:13:11,080
Hey.
162
00:13:11,520 --> 00:13:12,560
Here you go.
163
00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:16,380
There. That's right, slugger.
164
00:13:17,480 --> 00:13:18,480
That's a blank.
165
00:13:55,530 --> 00:13:57,890
I always thought there'd be a three
-headed dog guarding this room.
166
00:14:06,310 --> 00:14:12,970
Come on, boy.
167
00:14:13,150 --> 00:14:14,150
There's trouble at the well.
168
00:14:25,930 --> 00:14:27,630
That's a good boy.
169
00:14:28,970 --> 00:14:30,930
Stay. Stay.
170
00:14:59,690 --> 00:15:00,690
It's all right.
171
00:15:01,310 --> 00:15:02,310
Listen, let's check.
172
00:15:02,490 --> 00:15:04,130
Ah! Damn it! Damn it.
173
00:15:05,790 --> 00:15:06,790
Shh, Burke.
174
00:15:06,810 --> 00:15:08,230
It's okay, buddy. It's all right.
175
00:15:13,390 --> 00:15:14,410
What are you doing?
176
00:15:14,670 --> 00:15:16,570
Just fixing his pillow. Just buffing his
pillow.
177
00:15:18,570 --> 00:15:21,870
Do you have some water?
178
00:15:28,880 --> 00:15:31,200
in the morning, getting him a drink of
water. Nobody ever got me a drink of
179
00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:33,720
water. Bathroom light is on. No one's in
there.
180
00:15:34,500 --> 00:15:35,500
I'm the toilet king.
181
00:17:03,460 --> 00:17:06,119
But you guys... But what?
182
00:17:06,660 --> 00:17:07,660
Do you have any juice?
183
00:17:09,640 --> 00:17:10,680
All right. That's it.
184
00:17:11,500 --> 00:17:12,960
Johnny, he only asked for juice.
185
00:17:13,160 --> 00:17:14,200
Okay, why do you baby him?
186
00:17:15,839 --> 00:17:17,440
Come on, Bert, let's go. Where are we
going?
187
00:17:17,660 --> 00:17:18,660
Well, you're going back upstairs.
188
00:17:18,900 --> 00:17:20,400
I don't want to go upstairs. I want some
juice.
189
00:17:26,240 --> 00:17:28,400
You can get your own juice upstairs.
190
00:17:28,940 --> 00:17:31,120
Fine. I will get my own juice upstairs.
191
00:17:38,080 --> 00:17:39,080
Good. Good.
192
00:17:40,080 --> 00:17:41,260
She'll be sorry when I'm dead.
193
00:17:45,100 --> 00:17:46,520
It's like dealing with a baby.
194
00:17:46,900 --> 00:17:50,040
Now, sweetie, that is not fair. You
cannot compare Berg to a baby.
195
00:17:50,500 --> 00:17:51,500
Babies have potential.
196
00:17:53,500 --> 00:17:56,240
I hate to admit it, but I think you're
right. Of course I was.
197
00:17:56,840 --> 00:17:57,840
About what this time?
198
00:17:58,860 --> 00:18:02,000
About me not being ready to have a baby.
199
00:18:02,240 --> 00:18:05,940
You know, I'm just... From now on, we
use protection two at a time.
200
00:18:17,020 --> 00:18:22,180
Okay, baseball, Sister Margaret, 108
times 5 in baseball.
201
00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:32,180
Do all the men in your bed get that
warning?
202
00:18:35,320 --> 00:18:36,940
What are you doing in my bed?
203
00:18:37,580 --> 00:18:39,520
Well, I had a bit of porridge.
204
00:18:42,560 --> 00:18:44,380
I'm sorry, I must have fallen asleep.
205
00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:47,340
That is really comfortable. What is
this, Egyptian cotton?
206
00:18:47,680 --> 00:18:49,840
My music box.
207
00:18:50,380 --> 00:18:51,500
Oh, yeah.
208
00:18:53,500 --> 00:18:54,560
Here's your little toy.
209
00:18:55,520 --> 00:18:58,580
It is not a toy. You broke pretty Kathy.
210
00:19:00,340 --> 00:19:02,920
Do you have a lighter? I'll melt her
feet right back on.
211
00:19:05,860 --> 00:19:07,280
What are you doing here?
212
00:19:07,560 --> 00:19:10,540
I came up here to fix your toilet. It's
leaking into our apartment.
213
00:19:18,160 --> 00:19:19,420
I tried to stop him.
214
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:22,020
He's so brave.
215
00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:26,920
Well,
216
00:19:27,520 --> 00:19:29,120
go down and turn off the water main.
217
00:19:29,420 --> 00:19:32,820
I'm not going down to the Department of
Water and Power in the middle of the
218
00:19:32,820 --> 00:19:33,820
night.
219
00:19:33,900 --> 00:19:38,580
It's right outside the building by the
garbage bin. I know that. I thought you
220
00:19:38,580 --> 00:19:40,240
meant turn off the water to the city.
221
00:20:45,480 --> 00:20:46,480
I can't sleep here.
222
00:20:50,860 --> 00:20:53,420
You can sleep there.
17228
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof