All language subtitles for two_guys_and_a_girl_s04e02_meat

Come in.

Hey, you got my drill? Yeah, yeah.

Oh, hey, look.

I got my badge. I'm official.

Hey, what do they get fireman badges
with anyway? Don't the yellow pants and

goofy hat kind of say it all?

There.

Bert made pancakes.

Who's dickless?

Who's dickless?

Who is ticklish?

Who has a sex buddy?

What's a sex buddy? I don't know. I've
never had one.

You should go. You gotta go. You gotta
go.

What you doing with Mr. Gator?

You're not supposed to be here.

Sex buddy in there? Hey, hey.

I don't call her that, okay? It's
demeaning.

But you really have one. Damn straight.

Bert, I've never seen a sex buddy. Can I
see what one looks like? Hey, she's a

human being, Pete. It's not a whale
watch.

So she's big, huh? Come on.

Who's that?

That was Pete and Johnny.

Petey Dunville, the sweetie from
Funville?

Relax, relax. He didn't know it was you.
Oh, good.

Hey, coast is clear.

What, are you trying to get rid of me?
No, no, no. Come here.

Hey, go on now.

What was that?

I'm not allowed to go into the burning
building because I'm not a

firefighter?

Here, do you want these?

Why would I want your stupid flowers?

Nomar sent them to me. These are from
Nomar?

Oh, my God, they're beautiful. I should
find a vase.

What's the nerve of that guy? I dump
them, and he thinks he can just make

everything better by sending me flowers.

Do you think he picked these from his
garden?

I mean, it's really hard feeling sorry
for yourself when you're constantly

interrupted with gifts.

You should just admit you made a huge
mistake and take Nomar back before he

realizes he's too good for you.

I'm not getting back together with him.
I'm just going to have to suffer through

this.

All right.

All right. But in that case, you're
going to need a friend.

Thanks, Pete.

Hey, you know, it's weird. I felt a
little awkward coming down here because

think the hardest thing about this for
me is not really having anyone to talk.

I hope you like Scott.

Now, listen, it's not very good, but
there's a lot of it.

Thanks for nothing, Pete.

Oh, you're welcome. Oh, and thanks for
the flowers.

Oh.

Oh, yeah, that's real nice. That's real
nice. Mature behavior there, Pete. She

comes down here looking for just a
little bit of compassion.

And you treat her like dirt.

Are you serious?

No.

I was hiding in the bathroom until she
left.

I don't know. I just wish she'd hurry up
and get back with Nomar, you know? I

mean, he's only the greatest guy she's
ever dated.

If you think Nomar's so great, then
maybe you shouldn't have split them up.

didn't split them up.

I told a harmless joke.

Yeah, a joke that made Nomar think Ash
and I were still sleeping together.

I still think it's funny.

Here, come on. Take a look at this.

the house it doesn't leak oh thank god
all this crap is spared near as i can

figure this was a formal sitting room or
a more of a casual lying down naked

room we've got you all raring to go
petenberg

a

house isn't a home until we christen it

Problem?

There,

I'll clean. Oh, sure. The guy on top
always thinks it's clean.

I'll clean the room and I'll see you
tonight.

Irene, hey.

Hey, it's Berg. You busy?

Keep the fire station. Come over.

Guess what?

I swiped a patient down from the
hospital. The doctor is in.

Bad doctor, off the furniture.

Hey, what are you doing here? Have you
seen my badge?

Yeah, Pete, we've all seen your badge.

You didn't even flirt with me.

I bet she has a boyfriend.

Absolutely not.

Why not?

I mean, she's friendly. She's a little
too friendly, but some guys like that.

Hey, look at that. Hey, found your
badge.

Go fight a fire.

I'm serious. I bet she has a boyfriend.

Whoever he is, I hope he's not a jerk.

Yeah, I'm sure that Irene will be fine.

You know, Irene's kind of fragile.

Yeah, she's not... She's not like one of
your sex buddies, you know?

You know, you can't just treat her like
a piece of meat.

How come?

Bert, I blew her off once.

She spent six months in a home.

It was only like four.

Why do you always have to knock me down?

Hey, uh, listen, um, I feel kind of bad
about yesterday, so I don't know if you

still wanted to talk.

Not for long.

Like two minutes max.

Go.

Thanks, Pete. I realize you're offering
me your entire attention span.

But I'm fine, really.

Really? Really? Great. So you got back
together with no more?

Oh, God, I am not getting back together
with him. It's over, and I am fine.

Listen to me. You can't cover up the
stink of depression by taking a shower

throwing on some unflattering outfits.

Hey, Dr. Hattie. Hey, Jerm. Ready to
shred some rail?

Mm -hmm.

You're going skateboarding with Jerm?

Skateboarding? Hello, welcome to fall
2000.

You want to skateboard, man, get in your
time machine and travel back to June.

If I had a time machine, I'd go back and
tell your parents about birth control.

Me too.

Hey, Irene, um, can we talk?

Sure. Come on in. Um, actually, I don't
want anyone seeing me come out of there.

Let's pretend like we're getting the
mail. Here.

Okay.

Listen, I just want to, uh...

I just want to apologize if I've ever
done anything that, you know, made you

feel uncomfortable.

Oh, it's okay.

I started stretching in the morning.

Hey, you guys. Is the mail here? No.

No.

I was just checking to see if the mail
here had come. And then Irene came out,

and she asked me if the mail had come.
And I just looked at her and said no.

Okay. Okay.

Whatever. Whatever.

I'll see you guys later. All right.

I thought you were the mailman. No mail.

Okay, right there.

Okay, I was lying to Sharon for both our
steaks, not just mine. Michael Bergen,

is there something on your mind? Yeah,
okay, look.

Irene, sometimes when two people get
involved... Sexually.

Emotions can get tangled, you know,
feelings can get confused, and before

know it...

I see what's happening.

You do?

Yeah. Berg.

Don't you get hooked on me.

I understand.

No,

no, no. I have no problem with any of
this, Irene. I just don't want you to

like I'm treating you like a piece of
meat.

Oh, I would. I mean, you're the meat.

No, I'm not.

100 % prime Angus. A little junk in the
trunk.

I'm going to have to start making you do
some of the work.

The countdown to christening began.

Ten.

Nine. Eight, seven.

Six. Five, four. Three.

Two. Oh, wait. What? Oh, let's make a
fire. It'll be so romantic.

Oh, we can't. I think there's a family
of raccoons living there.

Raccoons? Yeah, I looked up there and
something looked back, so... It's either

raccoon or a very tiny, old -fashioned
criminal.

We can't make love with animals in the
chimney.

Sure we can.

There's no way I'm exposing my naked
butt to a bunch of raccoons.

Well, then we don't have to do it that
way. We can just do it regular.

I'll close the flute.

Just get rid of the critters and we'll
christen tomorrow.

All right.

But this better not be your idea of
marriage.

I'm not going to do a chore every time
we have sex.

You think we're going to have sex every
time we do a chore?

Oh, hey, Irene.

Hey, Bird.

Look what I bought.

Cool. Tonight, I'll be the doctor and
you'll be the Vegas showgirl.

They're for you, silly.

Yeah, I have to go to the hospital,
though. Oh, so?

Doesn't mean you can't feel pretty.

What happened to you?

Some delinquents on scooters tried to
grab onto a moving fire truck.

Well, it's a good thing that Fireboy
Pete was on the lookout, or we could

had fun.

Ashley, don't you see you're just being
self -destructive?

make up with Nomar before you kill
yourself?

No, I'm fine.

No, you're not. Burke, talk to her.
Ashley, do you need help? No, I'm fine.

does everyone keep asking me that? Gosh,
just because I wanted to have a little

heart -to -heart with Pete and I wanted
to go skateboarding with Charm, I...

With a scooter.

Oh, just shut up!

I don't need your help. I don't need
anyone's help. I'm fine. I am perfectly

fine.

What am I going to do? She won't listen
to me. Hey, look, Pete.

People don't change unless they want to,
all right? There's nothing any one

person can say.

You're right, you're right. Hey, hey,
um, meet me tonight at Johnny and

house. Why? They're having a party.

Well, I saw Sharon today. She didn't
mention it.

Uh, it's sort of a, uh, surprise
housewarming.

Oh. Okay, and make sure Ashley comes.
Yeah. All right. Um, hey, I don't have

address. Oh, well, meet me outside the
party, and I'll give it to you there.

Cool.

I appreciate all the hard work you've
done.

So I guess I'm just going to have to
show you.

I'm busy. What do you want?

I'm here for the housewarming party.

I would have brought you a gift, but I
wanted to see what you needed.

So I guess the perfect gift would have
been a new house.

Hey, Ash, what's going on? Hey.

Did you invite Ashley for a housewarming
party?

Oh, yes. I wanted to show the most
sarcastic person I know the most

part of my life.

I'm sorry, did I interrupt or something?

Oh, no, not at all. Oh, no, honey,
that's not entirely true. Hey, Johnny.

Happy house for me. Here's your gift.

It's kind of last minute.

Can I have a tour?

Oh, sure, sure, sure.

I could show you the upstairs, but there
are no lights and holes in the floor.

Okay, well, how about the downstairs?

but there are lights, and you'd see what
it looks like.

Oh, I could show you the clean room.

Go on.

Okay, oh, and here, I think we're
probably just going to go with one

Wow.

What a dump.

Hey, hunky homeowner.

I made you a gingerbread version of your
house. I didn't have much time, so it's

not to scale.

Oh, no, it's perfect.

No visitors.

Hey, Irene. I didn't know you were
coming here tonight.

Listen, I'm sorry that I didn't phone
you earlier about coming over.

It was probably pretty rude.

Oh, that's okay. No big deal.

Okay.

What?

Um, it is a big deal.

No, it's not.

We have plans. You're supposed to care.

I don't.

Again, okay.

This isn't working for me.

What?

I can't be intimate with somebody who's
not emotionally involved with me.

I'm used to being worshipped.

I thought we were having fun.

We were. I really enjoyed having casual
sex with you until I found out that you

were having casual sex with me.

I think we should stop. I need to feel
special.

Okay, but hey, you should know.

You're the first person I've slept with
I didn't have feelings for.

Doesn't that make you feel special?

Maybe.

It depends on why.

Because you're that good.

Really? You know, I'm self -taught.

Gosh, it really makes you wonder what it
takes to condemn a place.

This looks like the house where we
practiced putting out fires.

Was the idea for this party for everyone
to make fun of my new house?

This isn't a party. It's an
intervention.

Oh, then I'm taking my gift back.

Look, guys, I think it's obvious that
one of us is in trouble, and I think

our duty as friends to help them.

Come on, give me a break!

I have a wife, I've got a mortgage, so I
have a couple of beers every once in a

while.

It's not you, Johnny.

A wife?

I love you, honey.

Now, you guys, it's Ashley.

Here we go again. No, no, no, listen to
me. Sit down.

Come on, hear me out.

You have to admit that you've been
acting strangely because you want to get

together with Nomar. Why would I want
that, Pete?

Because he was special, and that made
you special.

I mean, think about it. One second,
you're invisible.

The next second, you're standing next to
Nomar, and everybody wants to be your

friend. I mean, you go into a
restaurant, you drop his name, and you

better table. And do you think it was a
coincidence that my parents, who are

lifelong Red Sox fans, suddenly started
calling me more?

You miss him, Pete, don't you? So much.

I'm going to get over this. I won't. I
won't. I won't. I won't.

Hey. Hey, Peter.

What? If it makes you feel any better,
sometimes I miss him, too.

Oh, get over yourself.

You know,

Ashley, if you're so depressed because
you miss Nomar, why don't you just call

him up?

Well, Chris, just because you miss
him... doesn't mean that you should get

together with them. And I... Well, I
really thought that my friends would

me through this rough time.

Oh, honey.

You should call your friends.

You... You are my friend.

Oh, well, our phone isn't hooked up yet.

Yeah, but feel free to stop by any time
that you need to talk.

Absolutely. Just make sure you call
first.

Yeah, but you don't have a phone yet.
Okay. See ya. Bye.

Oh, what a night. I'm exhausted.

Figures.

What's that supposed to mean? Well, it
means either you have a headache or

there's a doorbell or there's raccoons
in the chimney. Anything to stop from

christening the house with me.

Oh, baby, is that what you think?

I love being with you. I love you. So
why can't we christen?

that we both remember forever.

You know? You know, like our first kiss.

Well, this house is at least as nice as
your parents' garage.

Then let's christen. Okay.

I'll get my champagne. All right.

I've been a very bad showgirl.

back to the apartment.

No, I thought we were going to christen.

For God's sake, Sharon, is that all you
think about?

Hello?

Sorry I'm late.

An address would have helped.

Oh, man.

Looks like I missed a good one.