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Hello.
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Hello, my son.
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Hello, my father.
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I'm sorry.
5
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I'm sorry.
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You know, I can barely see you. Can we
open the screen thing?
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No, it doesn't open.
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Now is the time when you confess your
sin.
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Oh, right. I guess that's why they call
it a confessional.
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I gotta stop doing that.
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Well, um... I think I'm in love with my
friend Sharon.
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And I'm not sure how she feels.
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I'm not even sure if I should say
anything.
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And what sin have you committed?
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We can't.
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It's not a sin.
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Do I have to send to talk to you? I
mean, can't we just chat?
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Are you even Catholic?
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Yeah. Really? No.
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What are you doing?
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Just thinking.
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Toasting.
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Are you just threatening the bread, or
are you waiting for a call from the
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governor?
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Hey, Sharon.
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Hey.
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I think Johnny's cheating on me. What?
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He's been acting really strange lately.
He keeps on whispering into the phone.
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So last night, after he hung up, I hit
redial. It was the florist. I got a big
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bouquet of nothing.
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Sharon. Come on, why do you immediately
assume the worst? You know, a lot of
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floors are fronts for bookies.
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Is your garbage disposal broken?
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No, why?
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A couple of mornings ago, I caught him
sneaking out. He said he was coming down
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here to fix your garbage disposal.
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Oh, my God, he's cheating with Pete.
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Come on, Cher, why would Johnny cheat on
you? You're everything a guy would ever
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want.
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Oh, thank you, Pete.
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It's all right, Cher, you know, I know
guys, and Johnny, he's not the cheating
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type. Really?
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Yeah.
44
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Okay. Maybe you're right.
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I know I'm right.
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I'll see you guys later.
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Hey, Cher? Yeah?
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I'm sure that's a very reasonable
explanation.
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Yeah.
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Oh,
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he's cheating on her.
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Listen, Johnny, Sharon's our best
friend. If we find out you're cheating
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we're going to have to kick your butt.
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You two are going to kick my butt.
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We have friends.
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I am not cheating on Sharon.
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Right, Mickey.
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I have taken on extra work so I can buy
her an engagement ring.
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An engagement ring as a match?
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Yeah.
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I'm going to propose to her this
Saturday. You're going to propose?
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You do know that her family lost all
their money.
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Okay. Is she pregnant?
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Are you an illegal alien? Do you need a
kidney?
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I love her.
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Congratulations!
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Oh, and her family's loaded.
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Are fleeting thoughts of murder sinful?
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I'm not going to murder anyone. It's
just that the girl that I think I'm in
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with is about to be proposed to.
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What should I do?
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Nothing.
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Then she might accept.
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If it is God's will, then the Lord will
find a way to bring you two together.
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No, I'm going to stop.
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00:04:45,740 --> 00:04:46,920
Bird, what's with all this stuff?
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Hey, I got this great idea for Johnny's
proposal.
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You know how Sharon's favorite movie is
Cop the Blogger? Of course I know that.
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And her favorite tree is spruce, and now
her favorite fabric is chenille.
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00:04:58,460 --> 00:05:02,100
Okay. If there's ever a Sharon category
on Jeopardy, you'll win.
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00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:07,140
I want to make the place look like
Rick's. You know, you got the piano,
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player over there, the roulette table in
the corner.
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00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:12,060
Guys, guys, Sharon and Johnny are
coming.
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Damn, stop.
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Brilliant, because I was just going to
warn you and then hurry them in.
86
00:05:19,710 --> 00:05:20,830
It's like a ray of sunshine.
87
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No, strike that. It's more like a death
ray.
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Hey, Ashley.
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Johnny, what are you doing? Hey, guys.
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Why don't you join me? Oh, well, I think
we're just going to... No, that's
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great. Why don't you sit down and join
Ashley while I run inside and take care
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of something real quick?
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Oh, no, thanks. I'm going to stick with
you.
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Like a little bitty bodyguard.
95
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Well,
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then, why don't we all sit down?
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Oh, yeah. Great. Okay.
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Here we go.
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Right there.
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That's nice.
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I'll get us something to drink.
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Guys. I can't shake her. She won't leave
my side for a minute.
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Oh, man.
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I guess it wasn't meant to be.
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What did you bring her here for?
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Because I'm running out of time. I still
have to get fitted for my white tux. I
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still have to pick up the ring of the
jewelers. And I still have to throw up
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everything I've eaten in the last three
days.
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Guess what you're going to do, okay?
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There's a back door that leads to the
alley. Just make a break for it. She's
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already suspicious.
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If I ditch her now, she's going to hate
me.
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Big deal.
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Once you propose, she'll feel horrible
for not trusting you.
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You win every argument for the first six
months of marriage.
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Good thinking.
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and Johnny would never cheat on you.
You're everything a guy could ever want.
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Yeah, I know.
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That's what Pete says.
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Pete said that? Huh.
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The nicest thing he ever said to me was,
wow, that car nearly hit you.
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Oh, Pete's so sweet.
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I just hope the girl that he ends up
with knows how lucky she is.
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Johnny!
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you tiptoeing through the bushes, and I
have a brain.
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Hey, nice job, guys. Look at them out
there arguing.
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That's a shame. I'll help you pack up
the stuff.
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What's wrong with you, Pete? Nothing.
I'm just concerned about Sharon.
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Don't worry. They'll be fine. The same
thing happened to me the first time I
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proposed to.
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You never told me Justin proposed, that
poor sap.
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No, no, it wasn't Justin. It was another
guy. You don't know him.
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Oh. Well, how'd you let him down?
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00:08:05,670 --> 00:08:10,410
Well, we were in a restaurant, and he
got down on his knee, and he said,
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will you marry me?
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And I said yes.
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So what, you changed your mind before
the wedding?
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No.
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Ashley, if this story doesn't end
tragically, I'm going to be very upset.
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I was married, okay? It was a mistake.
It only lasted for seven months. Oh,
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You're a divorcee.
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You did get a divorce, didn't you?
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Look, Bert, forget I said anything. I'm
sorry I brought it up.
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I'm done.
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I, uh...
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You think your world is one way. You
think you know someone.
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And all along, they're keeping this huge
secret from you. It's what the person
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you're closest to, you don't even know
at all. I'm in love with Sharon.
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Dude!
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How can you be in love with Sharon?
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You guys are just friends, okay? There's
never been anything even remotely
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romantic between you two. I know, I
know. Oh, except for when we kissed on
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Valentine's Day.
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What?
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What? You know, I mean, Johnny and
Sharon broke up, and she was upset, and
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00:09:45,980 --> 00:09:48,920
wearing that really sexy dress. No, stop
noticing what she's wearing.
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00:09:51,700 --> 00:09:55,500
How could you two do this to someone so
wonderful? Oh, I know, I know, and I
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feel terrible about Johnny. Not Johnny,
I'm talking about me.
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If you two are together, where does that
leave me? Huh?
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I'll tell you where.
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Out.
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Bert, you'll never be out. Fair. First
thing you say to someone who's out.
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It was one kiss and nothing's happened
since.
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See, this is why nobody tells you
anything.
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No, no.
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You said you were in love.
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I am.
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And Sharon, I don't know. We haven't
discussed it.
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Good.
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Good, because once it's out there, you
can't take it back.
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You'll tell me you love her, and she'll
say she loves you, but just as friends.
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00:10:35,180 --> 00:10:37,960
And then it's going to be awkward, and
we'll all stop hanging out together, and
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with my busy schedule, I just don't have
time to make new friends.
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Yes, and what if you're wrong?
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What if you're wrong? Johnny's going to
propose to her, and what, I'm supposed
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to let the woman that I'm meant to be
with just slip away?
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00:10:49,860 --> 00:10:52,740
No, no, you're not in love with Sharon.
Yes, I am. No, you're not. You're just
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afraid.
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You're afraid. You're afraid that you're
not going to find anyone of your own.
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But I'm here to tell you that you will.
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You will.
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00:11:02,720 --> 00:11:06,100
And in the meantime, don't screw it up
for them. And by them, I mean me.
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00:11:10,240 --> 00:11:11,240
Okay.
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00:11:11,360 --> 00:11:13,740
I've calmed her down, but I've got to go
pick up that ring.
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00:11:14,540 --> 00:11:17,460
Pete, I need you to take Sharon off my
hands for a while. On my way. No!
186
00:11:20,620 --> 00:11:24,220
I mean, no.
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00:11:24,880 --> 00:11:25,880
I'll do it.
188
00:11:29,450 --> 00:11:30,630
Here, you've got to get this place out
of the way.
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00:11:30,950 --> 00:11:31,950
Pete can do that.
190
00:11:33,050 --> 00:11:38,410
Oh, you know, sadly, I don't work here
anymore, so... Oh, I guess I'm stuck
191
00:11:38,410 --> 00:11:42,370
Darren. Wait, wait, wait. Hold on a
second, okay? You stay here, and Pete,
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00:11:42,370 --> 00:11:43,370
go get the ring, all right?
193
00:11:43,890 --> 00:11:45,370
Is he going to get fitted for my tux,
too?
194
00:11:45,810 --> 00:11:50,030
So your pants will be a little short...
and tight.
195
00:11:52,130 --> 00:11:56,550
You stay here and decorate. You take
Sharon. Take her rollerblading. She
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00:11:56,550 --> 00:11:59,030
rollerblading. Pete, Johnny, you coming
outside?
197
00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:04,580
No, I have to stay here.
198
00:12:05,140 --> 00:12:06,140
Why?
199
00:12:06,640 --> 00:12:09,220
Johnny has to help Berg lift up the
freezer. Yeah.
200
00:12:09,700 --> 00:12:11,860
Why? I don't know. You have to do it
every six months.
201
00:12:17,060 --> 00:12:20,080
So, uh, you'll hang out with me.
202
00:12:20,400 --> 00:12:22,540
So you're gonna stay here with Berg?
203
00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:24,380
Absolutely. Yeah, right here.
204
00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:26,640
Yeah, I'll see you in a couple of hours.
205
00:12:27,240 --> 00:12:28,240
Okay.
206
00:12:29,060 --> 00:12:31,620
I want you to take a picture of him next
to that clock.
207
00:12:31,850 --> 00:12:32,850
every 15 minutes.
208
00:12:34,910 --> 00:12:38,370
Remember, Pete, once it's out there, you
can't take it back.
209
00:12:39,630 --> 00:12:40,710
Thank you, Pete.
210
00:12:41,610 --> 00:12:42,750
I'll never forget this.
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Maybe in time.
212
00:12:52,350 --> 00:12:55,070
I thought you hated rollerblading. I do.
213
00:12:55,610 --> 00:12:57,310
Donnie's the one who loves
rollerblading.
214
00:12:57,790 --> 00:12:59,710
Look at this guy.
215
00:13:00,720 --> 00:13:01,720
Show off.
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00:13:02,440 --> 00:13:04,200
Pin him and twirl him.
217
00:13:04,780 --> 00:13:06,220
Hope he twirls into a bus.
218
00:13:07,780 --> 00:13:09,360
What? He?
219
00:13:10,280 --> 00:13:11,280
Who, me?
220
00:13:12,520 --> 00:13:14,000
I was thinking open trench.
221
00:13:16,320 --> 00:13:19,980
Johnny never makes fun of other people.
He's too nice.
222
00:13:21,960 --> 00:13:23,860
Do you really feel that way or are you
just mad at him?
223
00:13:24,140 --> 00:13:25,640
No, I really feel that way sometimes.
224
00:13:26,260 --> 00:13:27,260
Why?
225
00:13:28,480 --> 00:13:29,480
No, no reason.
226
00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:31,820
Oh, hey, look. You're right.
227
00:13:32,040 --> 00:13:33,040
Oh, wow, wow.
228
00:13:34,060 --> 00:13:36,420
Oh, what a beautiful ring.
229
00:13:36,660 --> 00:13:38,620
I think it's real plastic.
230
00:13:39,780 --> 00:13:41,580
It looks plastic -plated.
231
00:13:46,880 --> 00:13:50,860
I remember how much time we spent at
this fountain freshman year. Yeah, yeah.
232
00:13:51,180 --> 00:13:53,980
You used to drag me out of bed at all
hours on the night.
233
00:13:54,280 --> 00:13:56,380
Cry on your shoulder when I was just
miserable.
234
00:13:56,840 --> 00:13:58,520
Those were some great times.
235
00:14:04,970 --> 00:14:07,250
I mean, you know what I mean.
236
00:14:09,810 --> 00:14:12,470
You've always been there for me.
237
00:14:13,630 --> 00:14:16,090
Sometimes I feel closer to you than
anybody else.
238
00:14:17,210 --> 00:14:19,510
I think you really feel that way,
haven't I?
239
00:14:20,530 --> 00:14:22,190
I really, really feel that way.
240
00:14:22,630 --> 00:14:23,950
Yeah, why?
241
00:14:26,350 --> 00:14:27,350
I don't know the reason.
242
00:14:27,970 --> 00:14:29,970
No, what? No, no, no, let's make a wish.
243
00:14:30,190 --> 00:14:31,270
Okay, got some change?
244
00:14:42,700 --> 00:14:44,640
I shall not let you... People better
fuck away!
245
00:15:13,450 --> 00:15:14,369
There's something I want to tell you.
246
00:15:14,370 --> 00:15:15,370
Okay.
247
00:15:16,010 --> 00:15:20,330
Um, you know how, uh, you know how
you're saying that we have more in
248
00:15:20,330 --> 00:15:22,050
than you and Johnny do?
249
00:15:23,310 --> 00:15:26,710
I know. I know. I don't know what I'm
going to do about him. Yeah, I know.
250
00:15:26,710 --> 00:15:30,090
driving me crazy. You know, I've never
felt like this about anyone.
251
00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:31,970
I'm sick over this.
252
00:15:33,130 --> 00:15:36,250
I don't know. I don't know. I guess I
must really love him.
253
00:15:37,790 --> 00:15:40,050
Please, please tell me he's not sleeping
on me.
254
00:15:52,300 --> 00:15:56,180
This is why you will always be my best
friend.
255
00:15:58,780 --> 00:15:59,920
I'm lucky that way
256
00:16:11,560 --> 00:16:12,560
Hi, Bert.
257
00:16:18,320 --> 00:16:23,840
Well, all the pizza joints and all the
college towns and all the...
258
00:16:23,840 --> 00:16:28,740
How does the rest of that stupid thing
go?
259
00:16:30,660 --> 00:16:35,160
Hey, I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner
that I've been married, but listen, if
260
00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:39,540
it makes you feel any better, I was with
Justin for four years, and I never told
261
00:16:39,540 --> 00:16:40,540
him.
262
00:16:41,560 --> 00:16:43,080
Oh, well, then I guess I win.
263
00:16:45,080 --> 00:16:46,080
That's my past.
264
00:16:46,260 --> 00:16:48,800
I'm with you now. Let me ask you
something, Ashley.
265
00:16:50,800 --> 00:16:54,060
How am I supposed to have a relationship
with you when I'm only thinking I'm
266
00:16:54,060 --> 00:16:55,220
about to have the rug pulled out?
267
00:16:56,200 --> 00:16:58,940
I mean, don't let the tough veneer fool
you. I'm quite fragile.
268
00:17:01,500 --> 00:17:05,800
So, Ashley, if you have any more bombs
you want to drop on me, do it now.
269
00:17:06,940 --> 00:17:10,180
Okay, well, actually, there is one other
thing, but...
270
00:17:10,770 --> 00:17:13,849
Oh, God, it's a little embarrassing. No,
no, no, I'd rather you tell me now than
271
00:17:13,849 --> 00:17:14,970
find out later. Okay, fine.
272
00:17:16,670 --> 00:17:17,670
Here, God.
273
00:17:18,530 --> 00:17:24,150
The man that I was married to, well, he
was my brother.
274
00:17:27,550 --> 00:17:28,550
What?
275
00:17:28,850 --> 00:17:34,110
It's really not as bad as it sounds. No,
we weren't blood related. He was my
276
00:17:34,110 --> 00:17:38,110
stepbrother on account of, as you know,
I was grown in a laboratory.
277
00:17:38,450 --> 00:17:39,450
Oh!
278
00:17:46,320 --> 00:17:48,440
had me going there. This is all a joke.
279
00:17:48,680 --> 00:17:50,180
You were never even married before.
280
00:17:50,440 --> 00:17:51,440
Yes, I was.
281
00:17:52,080 --> 00:17:54,520
Come on, honey.
282
00:17:55,780 --> 00:17:56,940
We were young.
283
00:17:57,480 --> 00:17:59,760
And we thought we were in love.
284
00:18:00,400 --> 00:18:01,960
I can't change that.
285
00:18:02,780 --> 00:18:06,060
But hey, if you think about it, I'm
still the same Ashley.
286
00:18:06,740 --> 00:18:12,220
It's just that now I've told you about
the biggest mistake of my life that you
287
00:18:12,220 --> 00:18:13,220
can handle right now.
288
00:18:22,060 --> 00:18:22,839
I'm sorry.
289
00:18:22,840 --> 00:18:23,840
Whoa,
290
00:18:24,960 --> 00:18:29,180
whoa, we gotta get out of here. Johnny's
gonna propose in an hour. Oh, God, poor
291
00:18:29,180 --> 00:18:30,180
Pete.
292
00:18:30,240 --> 00:18:31,740
He's gonna be so heartbroken.
293
00:18:34,700 --> 00:18:36,380
You know about Pete and Sharon?
294
00:18:36,660 --> 00:18:38,320
Well, doesn't everyone? It's pretty
obvious.
295
00:18:38,780 --> 00:18:42,820
It's ludicrous, is what it is, because
Sharon only loved Pete as a friend. And
296
00:18:42,820 --> 00:18:47,040
what's a better basis for love and
marriage than friendship? Sex, money, an
297
00:18:47,040 --> 00:18:48,100
alliance between kingdoms.
298
00:18:50,640 --> 00:18:53,700
Sharon is in love with Johnny. I'm sure
she is.
299
00:18:54,220 --> 00:18:57,280
But doesn't she have a right to know how
Pete feels about her, too? Then it
300
00:18:57,280 --> 00:18:58,280
would be her choice.
301
00:18:58,560 --> 00:19:05,080
But... But... I put a lot of work in
here.
302
00:19:07,380 --> 00:19:09,660
Pete, what are you doing? We've got to
get down to the pizza place.
303
00:19:09,980 --> 00:19:12,380
No, Burke, it's over. I didn't tell
Sharon anything.
304
00:19:12,740 --> 00:19:14,140
How could you not tell her?
305
00:19:17,860 --> 00:19:19,720
Because she's in love with Johnny.
306
00:19:21,220 --> 00:19:22,780
Who's to say she's not in love with you,
too?
307
00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:25,400
You!
308
00:19:27,140 --> 00:19:30,160
What about all that stuff about screwing
everything up for the three of us? It's
309
00:19:30,160 --> 00:19:33,020
a chance that I'm willing to take. Wait,
wait, wait. See, I'm not willing to
310
00:19:33,020 --> 00:19:34,940
take that chance. Johnny's gonna propose
any minute, Pete.
311
00:19:36,340 --> 00:19:39,500
You two are my best friends. I love you
both. And if you guys are meant to be
312
00:19:39,500 --> 00:19:41,000
together, then all the better. Wait,
wait, wait.
313
00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:44,640
Are you sure about this?
314
00:19:45,820 --> 00:19:46,820
Yeah, I'm sure.
315
00:19:51,760 --> 00:19:55,020
You know, given enough time and
opportunity, you're a good friend.
316
00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:00,500
You ready? You ready?
317
00:20:02,100 --> 00:20:04,420
Yeah, okay, okay. Sharon should be here
any sec.
318
00:20:12,440 --> 00:20:13,480
Oh, no.
319
00:20:33,480 --> 00:20:34,740
Laughter.
320
00:21:11,710 --> 00:21:13,190
What happened? What did she say?
321
00:21:13,950 --> 00:21:18,570
Uh, well, she said, um, oh, God.
322
00:21:26,310 --> 00:21:29,610
And, um, and then she ran away.
323
00:21:32,730 --> 00:21:36,230
Hey, maybe she's taking a victory lap.
25308
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