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Oh, it's Christmas.
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Let's have a wonderful Christmas time.
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Spirits rising, it's party time.
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The following special is intended for
retailers only. This special is not
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00:00:19,540 --> 00:00:20,780
intended for the general public.
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Well, we're doing all we can.
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If he's a fighter, he'll have a chance.
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That his body has been through hell.
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But we'll try everything we can, Doyle.
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Jennifer, come here.
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Please, Jennifer, come here.
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Come on, Jennifer, come here.
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The crimbus holidays are coming, yes?
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Do you want to hear my favorite crimbus
story?
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It's all about the Tim and Eric.
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Awesome show.
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Great job.
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Crimbus special.
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Now available on DVD.
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It all began one night on the crimbus
stage.
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It's the Tim and Eric Awesome Show Great
Job Crimbus Special. Now available on
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DVD.
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Starring Tim and Eric.
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Featuring Carol and Mr. Henderson.
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James Quall.
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Terry Green.
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Dr. Steve Brule.
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Winter Man.
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Pierre. And the Tim and Eric Dancers.
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And now, please welcome to the stage,
Tim and Eric. And there's all our
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We're almost there.
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Hi, everybody.
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Happy Krimbus, everybody.
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Happy Krimbus. I'm so excited for all my
Krimbus gifts this year.
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Ooh, I can't wait to find out what I got
inside my Krimbus bush.
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What am I going to get?
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What the heck am I going to get?
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What am I going to, what am I going to,
what am I going to get?
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What am I going to, what am I going to,
what am I going to get?
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What's he gonna get? Gotta keep it
trimmed and wet.
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What's he gonna get for Krimbus? Gotta
keep it trimmed and wet.
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What's he gonna get for Krimbus? Gotta
keep it trimmed and wet for Krimbus.
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What's he gonna get in his Krimbus bus?
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It's the season of getting. It's the
season of fear.
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Everybody gather round the bush this
year. It's the season of getting.
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It's the season of fear.
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Everybody gather round the bush this
year.
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Come on, everybody.
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Let's have a dance party.
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Now this is nice.
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Pretty good, huh?
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Winter man is coming through the forest
down to his crimbus cave inside the
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woods. Now's the time to tell him
everything you want inside your crimbus
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bush.
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What am I gonna get?
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Fuckin' bugs! What am I gonna get?
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Fuckin' bugs! What am I gonna get?
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Fuckin' bugs!
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show great job crimbus special so good
to be here hello hey you know what eric
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i'm already having a good time i hear
you tim there's no better way to spend
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crimbus holiday than singing and dancing
with your loved ones and all your
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friends yeah i wish we had some kind of
digital memory of this wonderful night
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what do you mean like a computer print
out of the script well not exactly it's
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as if we had recorded the whole thing on
video and saved it onto some kind of i
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don't know a disc
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That sounds too good to be true, Ted.
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Hi,
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guys.
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Who are you?
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I'm a DVD monster, but you can call me
DV.
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Hi, DV.
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Hey, nice meeting you, DV.
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Happy Crimvus, DV.
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Did you know that this amazing TV
special is now a DVD?
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News, news. That's going to be one of
the greatest DVDs on the market. Tim,
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a crimson miracle that this DVD even
exists.
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Retailer, is your store prepared to
handle 100 DVDs of the Tim and Eric
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Show Crimpa Special?
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Cinco factories are burning DVDs fast.
One of the greatest crimpa specials of
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all time can now be yours. Order your
pallet of 100 DVDs or more and receive
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this special end cap featuring Cinco's
Lulling Spray. Cinco's Lulling Spray
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safely lulls your customers into buying
this must -have DVD.
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Plus, if you order now, you'll also
receive this bonus feature, the complete
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Crimpa's Carol, starring Carol and Mr.
Henderson.
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Hey, piggy, piggy.
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Hi, Mr. Henderson.
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Whoa, how many breakfasts do you have
this morning, huh?
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Just one.
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You look like a big atom bomb.
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Yeah. You know what I'm going to do with
you this weekend?
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Get it all mapped out. I'm going to tie
you up, get you in my barn, let the
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animals have at you for smacking the
mouth with my whip.
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Okay, pay, pay, pay, pay. Thank you, Mr.
Anderson. Thank you, sir.
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Hoi, hoi, hoi. Happy Christmas Eve, my
darling, my sweet.
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Got a little low -fat breakfast for you
here. Going to help you start the day
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right. It's not even.
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You've got to find the center. It's not
balanced.
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I don't know where... Mr. Henderson, I'm
really not hungry and I'm not in the
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mood. But you have to try some of these
berries. I just picked them from the
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garden. They're full of vitamin D.
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Just lick one.
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That's my girl.
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Any more?
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No. Thank you.
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I'll let you get some more rest, hon.
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You take care. Anything you need, you
just ring a bell.
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I wish I had my old Mr. Henderson back.
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I don't love him anymore.
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I don't want him anymore.
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Unless he spits on my face.
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Treat him like I bless his face.
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We'll be back with more of A Krimpus
Carol.
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It's Brule's Rules with Channel 5's Dr.
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Steve Brule.
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Oh, hi. I'm Dr. Steve Brule. Here to
remind you of the rules of Krimpus.
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Rule number one,
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the winter man's not happy unless you
eat a pound of hair in the year.
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If you don't want to eat it from your
head, have hair from the other parts of
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your body.
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Just reach down by your dingus and pour
it.
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There's a chunk.
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But everyone knows you have to eat your
fair share of hair or the winter man
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doesn't come.
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Bring it here.
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Happy Krimbus.
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Hope you're enjoying the show.
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We'll be right back.
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We now return to the Tim and Eric Krimba
special.
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Hi, and welcome back to the Krimba show.
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Welcome back, everyone.
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Say, Tim, what are you up to today?
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Well, Eric, I'm actually going to be
seeing Ben -Hur.
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Ben -Hur!
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I love Ben -Hur. I would love to tag
along.
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Sorry, Eric, I'd like to spend a little
bit of one -on -one time with old Ben.
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Oh, no.
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Tim, please.
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I want a cup.
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00:10:02,650 --> 00:10:05,570
Well, the truth of the matter is, I'm
also going to be doing some crimbus
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shopping for my best friend.
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Who, me?
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Who,
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me?
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00:10:12,690 --> 00:10:13,690
Who,
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00:10:14,070 --> 00:10:15,070
me?
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00:10:16,390 --> 00:10:17,390
Okay,
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in that case, have a great time, Tim,
shopping for your best friend.
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Adios, muchacho.
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Start the thing.
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00:10:42,810 --> 00:10:45,970
Ah, nothing better than taking a stroll
through the big city.
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00:10:50,550 --> 00:10:52,990
Ah, Ben -Hur. There you are, right on
time.
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Hi, Ben -Hur.
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Happy Krimbus. Happy Krimbus to you.
Stop it.
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What is it that you've been doing?
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Well, I'm out here trying to do some
Krimbus shopping for my best friend,
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But I just don't know what to get him.
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Hmm.
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Why don't you get him some panties?
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Panties sound like a great idea.
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I could wear those panties under my
manly underwear and nobody would know.
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00:11:17,590 --> 00:11:20,830
Or you can get him the Tim and Eric
Awesome Show.
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00:11:21,270 --> 00:11:22,270
Great job.
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00:11:23,510 --> 00:11:24,510
Crimpus DVD.
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I have a good time putting those panties
on, putting them over my head.
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00:11:28,630 --> 00:11:30,350
Sorry, Ben, I didn't hear your last
suggestion.
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00:11:30,670 --> 00:11:33,730
You know, the panties would be a great
idea for me, but I don't know so much
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00:11:33,730 --> 00:11:34,669
about for Eric.
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I've got to find him the greatest
crimbus present ever.
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So I'd better get back to my shopping.
Great running into you, Ben.
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Come on, coat, move the thing.
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00:11:47,310 --> 00:11:50,730
We'll be back with more of the Tim and
Eric Crimbus Special.
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00:11:56,210 --> 00:12:00,520
Hi. I'm the actor Terry Green. I have a
very important announcement to make. The
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00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:04,780
DVD that you've been watching has just
been given the Terry Green seal of
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00:12:04,780 --> 00:12:05,780
approval.
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00:12:36,090 --> 00:12:39,670
Previous recipients of the Terry Green
Seal of Approval have been Stephen
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Studies Fort Lauderdale starring Terry
Green.
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Definitely see him in here.
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Feminine POV.
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You need to tell your horse to show you
some more respect.
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Take a picture of this one.
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00:12:51,530 --> 00:12:53,070
Hoses starring Terry Green.
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00:12:53,290 --> 00:12:55,810
What part of Don't Touch My House Hose
don't you understand?
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Here to accept the seal of approval is
Executive Vice President in charge of
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00:13:01,170 --> 00:13:02,570
and Eric's sales, Dundor.
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I'm just happy to receive this. Thank
you very much. I really appreciate it.
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00:13:12,940 --> 00:13:15,920
It's a great honor. I'd like to thank my
family. Trumpets!
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00:13:17,580 --> 00:13:18,820
No, didn't do it again.
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00:13:19,400 --> 00:13:24,020
Boater! When I put the wreath of dawn
door, you do the trumpets. I don't have
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trumpets on cue.
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Trumpets.
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00:13:32,740 --> 00:13:34,720
We now return to...
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A Krimpus Carol, starring Carol and Mr.
Henderson.
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00:13:38,560 --> 00:13:42,300
We're on this Pana Paxil stuff, and they
say do not drink red wine with it, but
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what could a couple glasses do?
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Hey, did I tell you what Carol allowed
me to get myself for Krimpus this year?
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Can I tell him? Oh, boy.
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00:13:50,840 --> 00:13:51,880
A new guillotine.
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00:13:52,260 --> 00:13:53,260
Hmm?
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00:13:54,340 --> 00:13:55,520
She's a beaut. Really great.
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00:13:55,780 --> 00:13:58,420
This is my seventh, but she's the best.
I'm calling her Nancy.
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00:13:59,020 --> 00:14:00,020
I'm bummed with it.
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00:14:02,260 --> 00:14:03,480
Look at that bad boy.
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00:14:03,740 --> 00:14:04,740
Hmm?
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00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:06,080
Isn't that a beaut?
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00:14:07,800 --> 00:14:12,560
And to you, I tell you what, she has
changed my life. I admit, you know, and
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00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:16,180
Emil, I might owe you an apology. I used
to be a real son of a bitch. It's true.
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00:14:16,540 --> 00:14:18,980
I have become a different man.
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00:14:19,280 --> 00:14:21,680
I love myself. I love my body.
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00:14:21,980 --> 00:14:24,900
I got a priority on the list that I keep
in the back of my head.
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00:14:26,340 --> 00:14:30,900
My wife, my ghillies, and my beautiful
bee garden.
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00:14:34,460 --> 00:14:41,260
So, I say we raise a toast to my wife,
Carol Henderson.
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00:14:41,680 --> 00:14:44,740
I love her to bits. I want to kiss her
on the lips.
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00:14:45,680 --> 00:14:47,740
Happy Christmas, guys. Thanks for
joining us.
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00:14:49,700 --> 00:14:50,780
Mmm, hot wine.
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00:14:51,360 --> 00:14:53,760
Mmm. All right.
216
00:14:55,200 --> 00:14:56,200
Take it easy.
217
00:14:56,220 --> 00:14:58,140
Okay. Bon appetit, huh?
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00:14:58,400 --> 00:15:00,080
Anyone have a slice here?
219
00:15:00,420 --> 00:15:01,420
Have a bite.
220
00:15:08,920 --> 00:15:09,920
Like this.
221
00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:12,000
You like that?
222
00:15:14,600 --> 00:15:15,600
You like me now?
223
00:15:16,360 --> 00:15:19,960
She hasn't eaten all day, so I think
we're all a little hungry.
224
00:15:21,200 --> 00:15:23,300
Emil, you're paying for this, right?
225
00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:30,380
You like this?
226
00:15:32,620 --> 00:15:33,720
No worries here.
227
00:15:35,480 --> 00:15:36,480
You like me now?
228
00:15:38,620 --> 00:15:39,620
You like that?
229
00:15:44,520 --> 00:15:46,300
You like that? All right, hon.
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00:15:47,600 --> 00:15:48,600
Sweetheart, come on.
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00:15:48,920 --> 00:15:49,920
That's enough.
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00:15:50,160 --> 00:15:51,160
Come back.
233
00:15:51,320 --> 00:15:52,320
That's it.
234
00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:54,360
That's my little girl.
235
00:15:55,620 --> 00:15:56,620
She's all right.
236
00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:58,040
My apologies.
237
00:16:08,360 --> 00:16:09,079
Hey, everyone.
238
00:16:09,080 --> 00:16:10,600
Who's in the mood for some laughs?
239
00:16:10,920 --> 00:16:11,920
What do you mean, like this?
240
00:16:16,980 --> 00:16:17,980
No,
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00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:30,240
you dummy. I'm talking about the laughs
from a professional comedian.
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00:16:30,680 --> 00:16:34,860
Ladies and gentlemen, please put your
hands together for the crimbus comedy of
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00:16:34,860 --> 00:16:35,940
James Caul.
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00:17:07,109 --> 00:17:10,349
Mary Krimbus, ladies and gentlemen, this
is James Kroll.
245
00:17:12,530 --> 00:17:16,430
Krimbus is the season of receiving.
246
00:17:16,710 --> 00:17:20,869
I hope I don't receive coal in my
underwear this year.
247
00:17:22,810 --> 00:17:29,530
And home prices, no, home sales,
actually.
248
00:17:29,650 --> 00:17:31,530
Yeah, home sales have hit a new low.
249
00:17:31,830 --> 00:17:34,010
Now, this is just a wild guess.
250
00:17:34,710 --> 00:17:36,970
What kind of baked beans do you like,
James?
251
00:17:37,330 --> 00:17:38,890
Oh, that's right.
252
00:17:44,270 --> 00:17:45,270
Well,
253
00:17:47,590 --> 00:17:51,650
Boston baked beans.
254
00:17:51,890 --> 00:17:58,750
A lot of them can be found frozen before
anybody even puts them in a freezer.
255
00:18:04,140 --> 00:18:05,720
Boston baked beans, of course.
256
00:18:06,200 --> 00:18:07,980
How about your classic pizza joke?
257
00:18:08,220 --> 00:18:09,220
That's right.
258
00:18:09,520 --> 00:18:14,940
One of the things that you can get from
Time Time is pizza, which will help keep
259
00:18:14,940 --> 00:18:17,260
the pizza places in business.
260
00:18:20,820 --> 00:18:26,640
And let's not forget about that old
crimbus carol. The crimbus bash, the
261
00:18:26,640 --> 00:18:29,420
bash, all line up to get your style.
262
00:18:37,260 --> 00:18:38,260
All right.
263
00:18:38,860 --> 00:18:39,860
Okay.
264
00:18:40,300 --> 00:18:41,300
Okay.
265
00:19:17,770 --> 00:19:18,770
Happy crembus.
266
00:19:19,090 --> 00:19:20,090
Thank you.
267
00:19:21,310 --> 00:19:22,830
Oh, perfect.
268
00:19:24,530 --> 00:19:28,270
And for my first wife, happy crembus to
you.
269
00:19:37,930 --> 00:19:38,930
Oh.
270
00:19:40,590 --> 00:19:42,230
What's the matter? You don't like it?
271
00:19:42,430 --> 00:19:46,770
No, it's not that. It's just that I'm so
hungry.
272
00:19:47,340 --> 00:19:49,120
I wish there was food inside the animal.
273
00:19:49,880 --> 00:19:53,400
Hired of this happening to you every
crimpus morning?
274
00:19:53,740 --> 00:19:59,540
Sure. Then this crimpus, show your loved
one you really care with the Zinco
275
00:19:59,540 --> 00:20:00,540
Pasta Bear.
276
00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:06,800
The Zinco Pasta Bear is a handcrafted
stuffed teddy bear filled to the brim
277
00:20:06,800 --> 00:20:08,800
fresh Italian -style pasta.
278
00:20:09,680 --> 00:20:11,620
Simply boil the bear overnight.
279
00:20:11,980 --> 00:20:16,700
No problem with that. The boiling helps
ensure that all parasites and viral
280
00:20:16,700 --> 00:20:18,220
diseases have been destroyed.
281
00:20:19,460 --> 00:20:23,700
Then dry out your crimpus bear with a
germ -resistant rag.
282
00:20:24,180 --> 00:20:27,760
Next, place the bear in a microwave oven
for 45 minutes.
283
00:20:28,100 --> 00:20:32,940
The microwave heats the pasta and kills
any remaining bacteria or germs.
284
00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:41,340
Then, using a hunting knife, cut open
the bear to reveal the pasta.
285
00:20:42,440 --> 00:20:46,900
Using your eyes, double -check to make
sure no insects or insect larvae
286
00:20:46,900 --> 00:20:48,160
before eating.
287
00:20:51,060 --> 00:20:54,040
Finally, throw away the bear to avoid
the spread of disease.
288
00:20:54,380 --> 00:20:55,380
And ta -da!
289
00:20:55,560 --> 00:20:56,780
Dinner is served!
290
00:21:07,110 --> 00:21:10,870
It's the perfect gift for Krimbus. Order
yours today?
291
00:21:24,610 --> 00:21:26,890
The Cinco legacy continues.
292
00:21:29,890 --> 00:21:33,670
We'll be right back with more of the Tim
and Eric Krimbus special.
293
00:21:39,010 --> 00:21:41,770
I don't really remember what happens
next.
294
00:21:43,550 --> 00:21:46,610
Oh, heck, it's coming to me.
295
00:21:47,130 --> 00:21:48,270
Hold on a minute.
296
00:21:51,230 --> 00:21:53,810
We now return to the Tim and Eric
Crimson special.
297
00:21:57,650 --> 00:22:01,490
Hey, Eric, what are you doing here? Tim,
I'm waiting in line to see Winter Man.
298
00:22:01,750 --> 00:22:02,810
No, duh, eh?
299
00:22:11,920 --> 00:22:14,240
No, the joke can't be people laughing at
me because it will suck.
300
00:22:14,560 --> 00:22:18,060
Tim, it's okay. I'm just so excited to
see Winter Man and tell him what I want
301
00:22:18,060 --> 00:22:20,900
for Krimbitz this year. In fact, I'm
going to sneak in the front of the line
302
00:22:20,900 --> 00:22:21,980
right now. Excuse me.
303
00:22:22,440 --> 00:22:23,440
Emergency!
304
00:22:24,360 --> 00:22:25,360
Winter Man!
305
00:22:26,280 --> 00:22:27,280
Hello?
306
00:22:29,160 --> 00:22:31,080
I want a gravy boat.
307
00:22:36,020 --> 00:22:37,920
I want a pasta there.
308
00:22:42,920 --> 00:22:44,720
I want my own website.
309
00:22:45,540 --> 00:22:47,680
Mostly to post nude pictures of my
family.
310
00:22:48,660 --> 00:22:50,300
Share them with my close friends.
311
00:22:54,020 --> 00:22:55,840
I want a wet friend kit.
312
00:23:01,760 --> 00:23:04,000
Wait a second, Winter Man. I have a
problem.
313
00:23:04,580 --> 00:23:07,420
I just don't know what to get my best
friend Tim for Krimbus.
314
00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:09,920
Nonsense. Krimbus is for receiving.
315
00:23:10,180 --> 00:23:11,180
What does it matter?
316
00:23:11,290 --> 00:23:14,870
Well, it's very important to me. I want
to impress him. So what does he like? He
317
00:23:14,870 --> 00:23:16,910
likes home entertainment at a reasonable
value.
318
00:23:17,190 --> 00:23:21,270
He loves the Krimbith Holiday and really
enjoys musical specials.
319
00:23:22,110 --> 00:23:25,990
You should get him the Tim and Eric
Awesome Show Great Job Krimbith Special
320
00:23:27,450 --> 00:23:28,750
How about a can of fish?
321
00:23:28,990 --> 00:23:30,490
I have to think about that one.
322
00:23:49,900 --> 00:23:52,620
We now return to A Krimpus Carol.
323
00:23:58,420 --> 00:24:00,040
That's better. What can I say?
324
00:24:00,380 --> 00:24:01,380
Done it again?
325
00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:04,540
What was that, my honey pie carol there
coming down?
326
00:24:04,760 --> 00:24:06,480
Yeah, it's me, Mr. Henderson. I'm
looking for a light bulb.
327
00:24:07,160 --> 00:24:09,160
Boy, the beautiful G I got here.
328
00:24:10,200 --> 00:24:11,420
Yeah, it's really nice.
329
00:24:12,300 --> 00:24:13,500
I'm sending you kippin'.
330
00:24:15,390 --> 00:24:17,990
Boy, your feather vest is really coming
in handy, by the way. You know, I can't
331
00:24:17,990 --> 00:24:19,030
find these light bulbs anywhere.
332
00:24:19,390 --> 00:24:23,110
Well, try the storage bin there. Hey,
listen, if you're going to make an egg
333
00:24:23,110 --> 00:24:25,490
salad sandwich, I'd love to have one of
my own.
334
00:24:26,290 --> 00:24:27,510
Sure, whatever you want.
335
00:24:27,990 --> 00:24:31,410
You know, Carol, I love these
guillotines, but not as much as I love
336
00:24:31,410 --> 00:24:33,250
dear. I do love you.
337
00:24:34,320 --> 00:24:37,060
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Your head got caught
in one of these.
338
00:24:37,320 --> 00:24:38,239
Oh, boy.
339
00:24:38,240 --> 00:24:39,440
Your head be rolling down.
340
00:24:40,540 --> 00:24:42,480
This is a beautiful view.
341
00:24:45,760 --> 00:24:48,060
Couldn't poke in that beautiful view of
wood like this.
342
00:24:49,800 --> 00:24:52,600
Well, I tell you what, can you imagine
getting your head cut off in one of
343
00:24:52,600 --> 00:24:53,600
geese?
344
00:25:24,279 --> 00:25:30,620
I'm so sorry, Mr. Henderson.
345
00:25:31,820 --> 00:25:33,360
I never meant to hurt you, sir.
346
00:25:34,180 --> 00:25:36,360
I just wish you would show me some more
disrespect.
347
00:25:38,020 --> 00:25:39,120
Treat me like a pig.
348
00:25:39,640 --> 00:25:40,640
I miss that.
349
00:25:42,980 --> 00:25:43,980
I'm sorry.
350
00:25:44,270 --> 00:25:46,130
Well, happy Christmas, Mr. Henderson.
351
00:25:46,750 --> 00:25:49,450
I want to take a closer look at that
bandage.
352
00:25:50,550 --> 00:25:51,550
Larry?
353
00:25:53,530 --> 00:25:54,530
You're dead.
354
00:25:57,130 --> 00:25:59,290
I was at your funeral. I saw you buried.
355
00:26:00,890 --> 00:26:02,150
No, I'm Gary.
356
00:26:02,610 --> 00:26:05,790
I'm Larry's twin brother. I work as a
nurse here in the hospital.
357
00:26:06,370 --> 00:26:07,390
Oh, okay.
358
00:26:07,930 --> 00:26:10,550
Oh, you must be Carol.
359
00:26:11,210 --> 00:26:12,270
Yes, that's me.
360
00:26:12,830 --> 00:26:13,870
Say, uh...
361
00:26:14,190 --> 00:26:16,810
Are you as nasty a whore as Larry used
to tell me?
362
00:26:17,610 --> 00:26:18,509
I don't know.
363
00:26:18,510 --> 00:26:20,230
Why don't you stand up? Let me take a
look.
364
00:26:22,150 --> 00:26:24,850
Whoa! Very nice. Let me see that.
365
00:26:25,230 --> 00:26:28,230
Whoa, you are one big, weird eggplant.
366
00:26:28,910 --> 00:26:30,030
You are disgusting.
367
00:26:30,950 --> 00:26:33,030
What is that smell? It's like a trip to
the sewer plant.
368
00:26:34,010 --> 00:26:37,510
If this were any nastier, I think I'd
have to throw up all over your back.
369
00:26:37,890 --> 00:26:40,870
I would like that. Yeah, would you? I'd
like to see a little Larry lunch in your
370
00:26:40,870 --> 00:26:41,809
hair.
371
00:26:41,810 --> 00:26:42,810
Don't worry about him.
372
00:26:42,870 --> 00:26:43,870
He'll be fine.
373
00:26:44,010 --> 00:26:46,850
You know, you're like some big, dumb,
filthy dope.
374
00:26:47,390 --> 00:26:51,290
Yes, sir. I'm going to take the dirty
carrot and put it up your horse hole, if
375
00:26:51,290 --> 00:26:52,089
you know what I'm saying.
376
00:26:52,090 --> 00:26:54,390
I'd like that. You'd like that a lot,
wouldn't you?
377
00:26:54,870 --> 00:26:56,910
I've never seen anything like it.
378
00:27:39,710 --> 00:27:41,730
I hear the food here is supposed to be
wonderful.
379
00:27:42,070 --> 00:27:43,270
I'm looking forward to it.
380
00:27:44,270 --> 00:27:46,790
I'm glad we're finally able to have this
double date.
381
00:27:47,090 --> 00:27:50,050
Kent, you were really right about how
beautiful Susan is.
382
00:27:50,330 --> 00:27:51,330
You betcha, Rudy.
383
00:27:51,710 --> 00:27:57,470
Susan, you have that ray of sunshine to
you on a bright blue sunny day.
384
00:27:57,710 --> 00:28:00,110
That's for sure. And you're looking
pretty good too, Kent.
385
00:28:00,330 --> 00:28:02,070
Rudy, you're looking handsome yourself.
386
00:28:10,159 --> 00:28:12,640
Oh, there was a small incident at my
house earlier.
387
00:28:15,560 --> 00:28:19,200
But I recovered from it. He did just
great now. He's doing fine.
388
00:28:22,080 --> 00:28:25,120
Mimi wants some chicken. Here comes the
food. Oh, right on time.
389
00:28:28,400 --> 00:28:29,500
Me so hungry.
390
00:28:30,220 --> 00:28:31,260
Bon appetit.
391
00:28:51,870 --> 00:28:52,870
What's the matter, Kent?
392
00:28:53,030 --> 00:28:56,210
The fork. It's too dangerous. You're
going to poke yourself with that thing.
393
00:28:56,470 --> 00:28:58,610
Well, how else am I going to eat my
food?
394
00:28:58,810 --> 00:29:03,490
Simple. Use a single food tube. Single
food tube. The new and easy way to eat
395
00:29:03,490 --> 00:29:06,590
restaurant food. It's easy. First, your
teeth are removed to make way for the
396
00:29:06,590 --> 00:29:07,489
form -fitting tube.
397
00:29:07,490 --> 00:29:10,450
You don't want your pearly whites
getting in the way of the tube. Hold on
398
00:29:10,450 --> 00:29:11,450
second, Kent.
399
00:29:11,530 --> 00:29:13,930
You've got a beautiful set of chompers
in your mouth.
400
00:29:14,130 --> 00:29:15,130
Wonderful pearls.
401
00:29:16,010 --> 00:29:17,010
These are dentures.
402
00:29:19,050 --> 00:29:20,650
Didn't hurt a bit when they pulled my
teeth out.
403
00:29:21,160 --> 00:29:23,360
Then the tube is fitted into your mouth
and throat.
404
00:29:28,660 --> 00:29:31,700
They have to cut it to size so that it
reaches right into your stomach.
405
00:29:32,080 --> 00:29:33,360
Ah, right on time.
406
00:29:33,680 --> 00:29:37,060
Now, your table is told to make way for
the tube and the food processing
407
00:29:37,060 --> 00:29:38,060
chamber.
408
00:29:41,480 --> 00:29:43,080
Make sure the holes are all lined up.
409
00:29:43,340 --> 00:29:46,900
Now, the food is placed in the food
processing chamber where it is mixed
410
00:29:46,900 --> 00:29:47,900
the softening cream.
411
00:29:49,390 --> 00:29:52,950
The food processing chamber has a high
-speed blender built in. Sounds like
412
00:29:52,950 --> 00:29:55,690
softening cream has a partner in crime,
huh? You said it, Rudy.
413
00:29:56,090 --> 00:29:59,210
Next, you've got to numb them gums with
Novocaine, or you're going to feel that
414
00:29:59,210 --> 00:30:02,690
harsh tube against your gums. Now all
you have to do is slink that food tube
415
00:30:02,690 --> 00:30:03,690
into your mouth.
416
00:30:17,550 --> 00:30:21,430
See, I'm already finished with my meal.
Wow, what a great tube. It sounds like
417
00:30:21,430 --> 00:30:22,429
the plan for me.
418
00:30:22,430 --> 00:30:23,430
Mimi, I'm a tube man.
419
00:30:23,630 --> 00:30:25,150
I want to be a food tuber, too.
420
00:30:25,410 --> 00:30:28,010
Well, you can, with a single food tube
system.
421
00:30:34,190 --> 00:30:36,870
And now, a song for D .V.
422
00:30:37,330 --> 00:30:38,470
from Tim and Eric.
423
00:30:41,630 --> 00:30:45,490
Oh, D .V., I wish you were my son.
424
00:30:49,180 --> 00:30:53,120
Oh, DV, I wish you were my son.
425
00:30:56,240 --> 00:31:00,660
You hairy boy, you need a trim.
426
00:31:00,960 --> 00:31:04,980
I'll get you wet for crimber swim.
427
00:31:05,520 --> 00:31:09,420
Oh, DV, I love you more than him.
428
00:31:16,560 --> 00:31:23,320
my son oh baby I wish you were my
429
00:31:23,320 --> 00:31:24,320
son
430
00:32:14,600 --> 00:32:18,300
So, Tim, you got to tell me, what are
you going to get me for Crimbus this
431
00:32:19,020 --> 00:32:20,020
I'll never tell.
432
00:32:20,600 --> 00:32:24,100
The truth is, I don't know what I'm
going to get him for Crimbus. It's the
433
00:32:24,100 --> 00:32:25,240
biggest secret of them all.
434
00:32:28,360 --> 00:32:30,960
Well, what are you going to get me for
Crimbus this year?
435
00:32:31,260 --> 00:32:33,140
Tim, I'm never going to tell you either.
436
00:32:33,800 --> 00:32:37,460
What am I going to do? I have no idea
what to get my best friend for Crimbus.
437
00:32:38,800 --> 00:32:40,140
I'll tell you what we can do.
438
00:32:40,380 --> 00:32:41,680
We can have a tickle -off.
439
00:32:42,200 --> 00:32:44,040
DV here tickles each of us.
440
00:32:44,250 --> 00:32:47,810
And the first person to laugh has to
tell the other person what they got them
441
00:32:47,810 --> 00:32:50,530
for crimbus. Sounds good. It's on.
442
00:32:50,810 --> 00:32:52,790
Let the tickling begin.
443
00:32:56,050 --> 00:32:58,870
You better tick, tick, tickle and gun.
444
00:32:59,570 --> 00:33:02,410
You better tick, tick, tickle and gun.
445
00:33:03,810 --> 00:33:06,950
Tickling. Tickling. Tick, tick,
tickling.
446
00:33:12,910 --> 00:33:14,190
I guess it's a stalemate.
447
00:33:15,170 --> 00:33:18,430
Well, I guess you'll have to call me,
senor Tickleproof.
448
00:33:21,330 --> 00:33:22,330
We'll be right back.
449
00:33:43,660 --> 00:33:47,540
And now, a special clinical safety
message from here.
450
00:33:48,100 --> 00:33:50,400
Primus is not all about fun and games.
451
00:33:50,620 --> 00:33:52,320
You gotta make sure you stay warm.
452
00:33:52,520 --> 00:33:53,860
You don't want to get frostbite.
453
00:33:54,300 --> 00:33:56,160
Think I'll take a walk through this
forest.
454
00:33:57,420 --> 00:34:00,840
Damn, it's cold out here. I know. I'll
just put on my gloves.
455
00:34:02,000 --> 00:34:06,600
Oops. I didn't pack my gloves, kids.
There's two things I know for sure right
456
00:34:06,600 --> 00:34:10,880
now. There's no squirrels in sight, and
I'm definitely gonna get frostbite.
457
00:34:11,920 --> 00:34:12,888
Hit it.
458
00:34:12,889 --> 00:34:14,090
Don't get the bite.
459
00:34:14,889 --> 00:34:16,610
Just keep those gloves on.
460
00:34:16,830 --> 00:34:20,230
Don't get the bite. Kids, I feel that
bite going all through my blood.
461
00:34:20,889 --> 00:34:24,130
Don't get the bite. Damn, I wish there
was some squirrels out here to keep me
462
00:34:24,130 --> 00:34:28,230
company. Don't get the bite. Oh, no, my
ding -dong's frozen.
463
00:34:28,989 --> 00:34:30,110
Don't get the bite.
464
00:34:30,989 --> 00:34:32,710
Just keep those mittens on.
465
00:34:32,969 --> 00:34:34,110
Don't get the bite.
466
00:34:34,330 --> 00:34:36,570
This is the worst pain I've ever
experienced, children.
467
00:34:37,050 --> 00:34:40,250
I better sit down and conserve some of
my energy and my warmth.
468
00:34:41,840 --> 00:34:44,900
I pray to God some squirrel will help
me. Just be my friend.
469
00:34:45,580 --> 00:34:48,560
Well, my hands are gone. Do I still have
my pretty face, children?
470
00:34:49,659 --> 00:34:52,219
Better chop my hand off. It's the only
way to save it.
471
00:34:54,780 --> 00:34:55,780
Not a bad cut.
472
00:34:56,000 --> 00:34:57,580
Probably stopped the bite from
spreading.
473
00:34:58,020 --> 00:34:59,300
Woo! Stings.
474
00:35:01,840 --> 00:35:02,840
Cold meat.
475
00:35:03,020 --> 00:35:04,020
Fresh cut.
476
00:35:04,280 --> 00:35:07,520
Looks like the bite's got to my leg.
Guess I'm going to have to chop that
477
00:35:07,580 --> 00:35:08,580
too.
478
00:35:10,990 --> 00:35:11,990
That's better.
479
00:35:12,430 --> 00:35:14,470
Where are the squirrels when you need
them?
480
00:35:14,790 --> 00:35:16,790
Hey, get back here with my leg.
481
00:35:18,990 --> 00:35:21,170
Now I just gotta wait for help to come.
482
00:35:22,390 --> 00:35:23,670
Don't get the bite.
483
00:35:24,050 --> 00:35:27,690
The bite will take your hand off. Don't
get the bite.
484
00:35:28,010 --> 00:35:29,810
It's a bite that'll make you sore.
485
00:35:30,490 --> 00:35:31,910
Don't get the bite.
486
00:35:32,450 --> 00:35:34,770
Get your shoes and socks off.
487
00:35:35,870 --> 00:35:36,870
Great job.
488
00:35:38,130 --> 00:35:40,410
And now, the finale of...
489
00:35:50,130 --> 00:35:52,450
Hey, filth pig. Gary, what are you doing
here?
490
00:35:52,730 --> 00:35:54,430
Just here picking up some hilarious
things.
491
00:35:54,930 --> 00:35:56,110
You can't be here.
492
00:35:56,330 --> 00:35:57,590
Oh, what do you mean?
493
00:35:57,970 --> 00:36:01,810
Come on, you little gutter slime. You're
looking really disgusting. Gary, this
494
00:36:01,810 --> 00:36:05,650
is not right. I'm married to Mr.
Henderson. Ah, come on. He's not going
495
00:36:05,650 --> 00:36:06,950
here today. He can't even walk.
496
00:36:07,870 --> 00:36:08,870
Excuse me.
497
00:36:10,340 --> 00:36:13,080
Oh, my God, you're like a big, fat
carnival ride.
498
00:36:13,340 --> 00:36:14,560
I appreciate that.
499
00:36:14,880 --> 00:36:15,880
That smell.
500
00:36:16,240 --> 00:36:17,240
It's me, sir.
501
00:36:17,400 --> 00:36:18,640
That's disgusting.
502
00:36:19,240 --> 00:36:23,460
You know what? I was driving over here
fantasizing about poisoning you.
503
00:36:27,400 --> 00:36:32,040
Well, look at the two lovebirds. Sir
Henderson.
504
00:36:32,440 --> 00:36:33,780
You piece of junk.
505
00:36:34,320 --> 00:36:37,660
You're supposed to be a nurse, and all
you're doing is bit.
506
00:36:38,160 --> 00:36:39,500
I've been with my wife.
507
00:36:40,360 --> 00:36:41,360
I'm sorry, sir.
508
00:36:41,560 --> 00:36:43,660
You know what? I can explain everything.
509
00:36:45,700 --> 00:36:48,800
I'm going to poke you. I'm going to poke
you until you don't want to be poked.
510
00:36:49,600 --> 00:36:50,720
Wait a minute. Just calm down.
511
00:36:51,000 --> 00:36:54,980
I'm going to make you regret waking up
this morning, you piece of trash.
512
00:36:55,400 --> 00:36:58,460
I'm going to make you sweat, you piece
of garbage.
513
00:36:58,860 --> 00:37:00,660
I'm going to make you eat dirt.
514
00:37:10,570 --> 00:37:11,570
Drink your own rectal blood!
515
00:37:11,910 --> 00:37:13,410
Drink your own rectal blood!
516
00:37:19,810 --> 00:37:20,310
You
517
00:37:20,310 --> 00:37:28,390
go
518
00:37:28,390 --> 00:37:29,390
right to hell!
519
00:37:32,690 --> 00:37:36,490
And you... You big elephant!
520
00:37:37,570 --> 00:37:41,200
Yeah, I bet you liked it! His tiny
little wick up in your rear.
521
00:37:42,360 --> 00:37:47,800
What I had to do to you for Krimis is
open you wide up.
522
00:37:48,100 --> 00:37:52,960
And let my wick... I let my... I let my
wick do the talking.
523
00:38:19,150 --> 00:38:22,590
very much. That's about it for us here
at the Tim and Eric Awesome Show Crimson
524
00:38:22,590 --> 00:38:26,670
Fest. Hold on a second, Tim. What about
my crimson gift you've been talking
525
00:38:26,670 --> 00:38:27,670
about all show?
526
00:38:27,910 --> 00:38:30,710
Ooh, that's right. I want it. Gimme,
gimme, gimme.
527
00:38:31,050 --> 00:38:32,050
Gimme, gimme, gimme.
528
00:38:32,350 --> 00:38:33,350
I want my present.
529
00:38:33,550 --> 00:38:36,290
All right. I hope you like it. You got
it? Come on.
530
00:38:36,810 --> 00:38:37,890
Pay attention to cues.
531
00:38:38,270 --> 00:38:42,110
Let's go. So, hey, crimson present.
532
00:38:43,690 --> 00:38:44,690
Here you go, friend.
533
00:38:44,810 --> 00:38:47,970
I hope you enjoy it. Oh, tartar sauce.
534
00:38:50,930 --> 00:38:51,930
Thanks a lot, Tim.
535
00:38:51,990 --> 00:38:53,410
Well, I know how much you love fish.
536
00:38:53,830 --> 00:38:56,850
Actually, I'm highly allergic to fish,
so thanks a lot for this.
537
00:38:57,250 --> 00:38:58,129
It's useless.
538
00:38:58,130 --> 00:39:01,090
Well, you can put tartar on just about
any other kind of meat you want.
539
00:39:02,350 --> 00:39:03,350
Well,
540
00:39:03,710 --> 00:39:05,710
who cares? How about my gift? Hand it
over, pal.
541
00:39:05,970 --> 00:39:07,230
Okay. Dan!
542
00:39:11,150 --> 00:39:12,150
Take this.
543
00:39:13,150 --> 00:39:16,470
Tim, I thought long and hard on this
Christmas present. I hope you like it.
544
00:39:21,390 --> 00:39:23,550
Some wet bathing suits and a paper bag.
545
00:39:25,050 --> 00:39:31,210
I know how much you love the water, so
you're welcome.
546
00:39:31,450 --> 00:39:33,330
I can't swim. You know I can't swim.
547
00:39:33,530 --> 00:39:34,690
Oh. Thanks.
548
00:39:36,050 --> 00:39:37,050
Sorry.
549
00:39:42,090 --> 00:39:43,090
What's the matter?
550
00:39:43,750 --> 00:39:47,390
Well, D .V., I don't really like what
Eric got me for Krimbus this year.
551
00:39:47,800 --> 00:39:49,920
And I don't like what Tim got me for
Crimbus.
552
00:39:50,440 --> 00:39:54,580
In fact, I had no idea what to get my
best friend for Crimbus this year.
553
00:39:54,800 --> 00:39:58,200
I mean, you're my best friend, but I've
never been to your house. I don't know
554
00:39:58,200 --> 00:40:00,480
what your hobbies are. What does that
say about our friendship?
555
00:40:00,740 --> 00:40:03,660
I mean, think about it. I couldn't even
figure out what you wanted for Crimbus.
556
00:40:04,180 --> 00:40:06,940
But you do know what you guys want for
Crimbus.
557
00:40:07,220 --> 00:40:08,600
What? What?
558
00:40:09,340 --> 00:40:10,520
What? What?
559
00:40:16,680 --> 00:40:18,560
The answer is deep in your mind.
560
00:40:18,840 --> 00:40:21,180
Would you like for me to act as it for
you?
561
00:40:22,040 --> 00:40:23,040
Yes.
562
00:40:23,400 --> 00:40:24,780
All right, well, then get over there.
563
00:40:25,080 --> 00:40:27,820
Sure. Anything you say, D .B., he's
going to read our minds.
564
00:40:29,640 --> 00:40:29,960
I
565
00:40:29,960 --> 00:40:40,620
know
566
00:40:40,620 --> 00:40:45,500
what I want to get you for Krimbus. And
I know what I want to get you for
567
00:40:45,500 --> 00:40:47,800
Krimbus. And so it shall be.
568
00:41:00,520 --> 00:41:04,100
It's the 10 -hour gossip show. Great
job. Here's the special DVD.
569
00:41:19,820 --> 00:41:20,920
Love a Krimbus DVD.
570
00:41:21,300 --> 00:41:22,340
You think you can help out?
571
00:41:22,940 --> 00:41:23,940
Sure.
572
00:41:25,940 --> 00:41:27,980
Come on, everybody. Enjoy your DVD.
573
00:41:28,360 --> 00:41:29,660
What a great value, huh?
574
00:41:30,560 --> 00:41:31,860
It's a free DVD.
575
00:41:32,160 --> 00:41:33,200
Take it home.
576
00:41:37,800 --> 00:41:38,800
You okay?
577
00:41:39,380 --> 00:41:40,380
Yeah.
578
00:41:42,240 --> 00:41:45,100
Hey, DV, what about the wonderful cast
we had?
579
00:41:45,300 --> 00:41:46,840
Don't they deserve a Krimbus DVD?
580
00:41:47,480 --> 00:41:48,480
I guess.
581
00:42:35,180 --> 00:42:40,960
And Tim and Eric got exactly what they
wanted. But what happened to D .V.?
582
00:42:41,340 --> 00:42:42,620
D .V.
583
00:42:42,940 --> 00:42:46,620
grew up to be Mimi.
584
00:42:54,000 --> 00:42:56,100
You see, D .V.
585
00:42:56,300 --> 00:43:01,920
learned that Krimbus is not what people
want.
586
00:43:02,440 --> 00:43:05,140
It's about giving people what they need.
587
00:43:05,540 --> 00:43:10,380
Like the Tim and Eric awesome show,
Crimbus DVD.
588
00:43:11,240 --> 00:43:13,640
So it was your powers that made you
sick?
589
00:43:14,420 --> 00:43:16,560
Yes, very sick.
590
00:43:17,300 --> 00:43:18,780
I almost died.
591
00:43:19,320 --> 00:43:23,340
I want you to read my mind and find out
what I want.
592
00:43:24,020 --> 00:43:26,140
He's too weak. He'll never make it.
593
00:43:26,360 --> 00:43:29,200
But I want it! Read my mind, you dope!
594
00:43:29,420 --> 00:43:30,420
It's okay.
595
00:43:31,310 --> 00:43:32,310
I'll try.
596
00:44:11,080 --> 00:44:13,620
Do you think it was worth it? Was it
worth killing a man?
597
00:44:14,840 --> 00:44:16,120
I think it was, Doc.
598
00:44:16,960 --> 00:44:17,960
I think it was.
599
00:44:37,480 --> 00:44:41,100
Don't wait. Order the Tim and Eric
Awesome Show Great Job Crimbus Special
600
00:44:41,100 --> 00:44:42,100
today.
601
00:44:43,940 --> 00:44:47,600
Remember, friends, you've got to keep
your crimbus bush trimmed. And wet.
602
00:44:47,920 --> 00:44:52,000
Winter man can tell if your bush gets
out of hand and not ten and two. And
603
00:44:52,000 --> 00:44:53,660
me, no one likes a messy bush.
604
00:44:53,900 --> 00:44:55,380
Or a dry crimbus bush.
605
00:44:56,040 --> 00:44:57,660
One, two, three.
606
00:44:57,940 --> 00:44:59,060
Happy crimbus!
607
00:44:59,520 --> 00:45:00,520
Happy crimbus.
608
00:45:01,180 --> 00:45:02,180
Absolutely.
47077
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