All language subtitles for Welcome Back Kotter s03e23 Goodbye, Mr Kripps

My uncle, Balzac, was a mercenary. One
time he was in the

country of Bosnia when he was caught for
his mercenary deeds and he was put in

front of a firing squad.

What happened to Uncle Balzac, dear?

What happened? Well, the general came
over and he's about to put the

He was the general of Bosnia. Came over,
about to put the blindfold on.

Then what did the general of Bosnia say
to your uncle?

He said, we're going to shoot you
through the heart and through the

And my uncle said, you are a pig.

Your country is run by pigs.

You have pigs in your streets and pigs
in your parliament, and there's pigs in

your pigs.

What did the general say to that?

He said, look, if you keep talking this
way, you're going to be in big trouble.

Your dreams were your ticket out.

Welcome back to that same old place that
you laughed about.

Well, the names have all changed since
you hung around.

But those dreams have remained and
they've turned around.

Who'd have thought they'd need ya? Who'd
have thought they'd need ya? Back here

where we need ya. Back here where we
need ya.

Welcome back.

Welcome back.

Welcome back. Welcome back.

can tell me when the first
transcontinental flight was?

I think it was 1911.

Right, 1911. Now, why was that flight
significant?

The plane took off on time.

What else?

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

It was the first time an airline's lost
somebody's luggage.

Yes, and you know, in those days, they
didn't have movies. The pilot just

around snapshots of his vacation.

Okay, I think it's important for you
people to... Where, where, where, where,

where?

Look what we have here.

Only 15 minutes late.

What do you guys bother coming at all?

Well, that's what I told them, but they
wouldn't listen to me.

Well, where are you?

Now, old man Crips, he kept us late
after shop class again.

But here, I carved you a note.

Mr.

Potter, if they're late, I'm sure it's
for a very good reason. That's right,

Crips. It ain't our fault. Mr. Crips was
yelling so loud, we never heard the

bell. He was telling us the difference
between us and human beings.

It took him a real long time.

You know, Crips is never like Sweathogs.

I remember when I went to school here, I
used to try and keep my friend Bonzo

Moretti after school.

It wasn't easy. He had to put his head
in the vice.

Okay, what happened today?

Everything was all right. No, everything
was all right until Vinny started to

use that electric saw.

I used it to cut up the salami.

you do not use an electric saw to slice
your salami. Oh, I didn't use it to

slice my salami. I used it to slice Mr.
Crips' salami.

Oh, no!

Take it out, take it out. That wasn't so
bad.

But Vinny, his judgment was a little bit
off, and he couldn't tell where the

salami stopped.

And the desk started!

You sliced his desk?

Yeah, and sliced it.

It was delicious, right?

You know, Mr. Crips has a bad temper.

Why don't you guys leave him alone?

Oh, come on, Mr. Carter. Sometimes we
just can't help it.

He's right, Mr. Carter. It's just so
much fun to make him mad, you know? You

know what? You should check out the way
that his lip can curl up and do

somersaults.

And then his eyes roll so far back into
his head, he can see what he's thinking.

Vinny's the best, you know? Vinny, he
gets him so mad that the veins start

bulging out in his neck, all different
colors like a subway map.

Look, guys, come on, lay off the guy.
He's going to retire next year. He can't

retire next year. I want him to quit.

This has to be yours.

Yeah, just put it anywhere.

Good morning, Mr. Cripps. That's your
opinion.

What? There's this piece of junk!

It's a headboard for a waterbed.

I took the danger out of sleeping.

Connor, I want to see this moron in my
office.

Right now!

Mr. Cripps, can I wait till after this
class? No, it can't!

But you're right in the middle of my
class.

No, Carter.

No!

Carter, I'm going to go. I don't want
him to lose his temper.

You

know,

when Mr. Cripps retires, he's going to
become the loudspeaker system at Yankee

Stadium.

Okay, what were you talking about? The
first transcontinental flight.

Now. What contribution did the Wright
brothers make?

Oh, I know all about that. You don't
know anything about the Wright brothers.

Oh, yes, I do.

Do not. Do so. Do not. Do so. Do not.
Watch this.

You lost that love.

a good vocal who'll listen to Crips
screaming his lungs out at Barbarino.

The man's a prince.

Mr. Woodman, screaming does not a good
teacher make.

You're right. You also need a whip and a
chair.

What about barbed wire searchlights and
guard dogs?

It's a good idea, Carter. I'll try to
get it in the next school budget.

All right, come on. Let's get back to...
I think Mr. Crips is dead.

What are you talking about?

I was out in the hall, and he was
yelling at me, and then he grabbed his

and fell to the ground. He stopped
breathing. I got scared. I called the

Well, what'd you say?

I don't know. I got scared. I left.

Well, let's go out and see what's...
What happened? Did Mr. Cripps faint?

It was no faint, Mr. Cotter.

Mr. Cripps is dead.

What a rotten day to have a funeral.

I hate February funerals.

You mean they're good months for
funerals?

No. June, July, all right.

August, of course, is too hot.

Incidentally, the best place to die is
Fort Lauderdale.

Have you been getting brochures, Mr.
Woodman?

Hi, guys.

Hi, how are you doing? How are you
doing?

I'm okay.

I guess it was pretty rough, huh?

Well, look, I've got some nice hot soup
all ready for you.

Oh, not me, honey. I couldn't eat a
thing. You sure?

Me neither. No, thank you. And none for
me.

I could eat a horse.

Mr. Woodman, don't take it so hard.

All right, I'll have some soup.

So, tell me all about it. Oh, no.

Uh, was it a nice funeral?

Let me try another one.

Do you have a good time?

No.

Try, was it a dignified service? Okay,
was it a dignified service?

Yeah, it was, but it was kind of
strange. The organist was playing if I

carpenter.

Oh, but the most beautiful part of the
eulogy was when the minister said,

Buchanan may have lost a teacher, but
heaven...

Has gained a handyman.

Hallelujah. Amen.

Where's Vinny? Wasn't he with you?

He wanted to walk home from the
cemetery.

Said he needed time to think.

Oh, Vinny's taking it all very hard.

He even offered to marry the widow
crypt.

But she said she's in mourning and to
give her a call in a couple days.

Yeah, Vinnie even swiped the wreath to
go on the grave.

I think he swiped the wrong one, though.

It said, good luck in your new location.

From all the gang at Nick's, boring
grill.

Honey, don't you think you better have a
talk with Vinnie?

I did. It took me a half hour to
convince him not to wear a veil.

I know what's got into Vinnie. He seems
to blame himself now for all the

problems of the world.

I'll get that. Maybe that's him.

Vinnie, come on in. We're worried about
you.

He was worried about me?

I'm sorry he was worried about me. I'll
leave now.

Where are you going?

Vinnie, come on in.

You still running out there, by the way?

Yes, Mr. Woodman, and I'm sorry.

You should be. It's your fault.

Mr. Woodman, you know, you was always
right about me.

You know, I was never no good.

Well, Shaq, I'm sorry I broke your dump
truck.

Vinny, that happened when we was three
years old.

I know, I was born bad.

And, Epstein, I'm sorry about your
father's hair.

What are you talking about? My father's
bald.

I know, I'm sorry.

Vinny, Vinny, come on.

Come on, you gotta stop this now. Come
on, you gotta pull yourself together.

You gotta stop apologizing.

You're right, I'm sorry.

Vinny, listen.

Look at me.

What happened to Mr. Cripps, it wasn't
your fault.

It's no use, Mr. Carter. Don't try to
talk me out of it. I know what I did.

I miss Mr.

Cripps. I miss him so much.

The way he used to have those nails that
would hang out of his mouth.

And in the morning, he used to say,
you're no good, Vinnie. You're nothing.

You're nothing.

He was the same.

The same Crips.

And the smell of that turpentine and
that filthy smock. All right, that's

enough, Vinnie. That's enough.

Hey, look, you guys don't know nothing.

I murdered a man, and I'm responsible.
I'm going to pay for it.

It's good soup, Joey.

Yeah, Mrs.

Finkel, I told you before. This here is
homicide.

We can't arrest your superintendent.

How do you know he's a Cuban spy?

Lots of people play bongos.

Look, Mrs. Finkel, if I was you, I'd pay
my rent.

Right. Goodbye.

Never fails.

Five minutes left on my shift and I get
a screwball.

Yeah? What can I do for you?

I come to turn myself in.

Couldn't come back in five minutes,
could you?

No, I gotta do it now because I killed
the man.

Hey, Eddie.

Got it.

Eddie, look, you gotta put me away right
away. Put me in solitude.

Give me a black... on my TV to where she
got, right?

Give me bread and water and take my
hairbrush away from me.

Come here, kid.

Sit down.

You want to tell me about it?

I got no time to talk to you, Eddie.
Just rough me up.

Do whatever you want. I believe in
police brutality.

What do you guys use now? You use rubber
hoses or what?

No, Teflon is in this sheet.

It doesn't stick.

Look, let's get serious.

You have the right to remain silent.

Rights, rights. I don't got no rights. I
don't deserve them. Let me finish.

If you give up that right, anything you
say can and will be used against you.

Good, thank you.

You're welcome.

Next, you have a phone call.

Tell him I ain't here.

All right, the crime occurred in the
Buchanan High School hallway.

Buchanan High School hallway.

No, no, don't use hallway. Use corridor.

Corridor? No, no, don't use corridor.
Use dark corridor.

Dark corridor. It sounds worse.

Can you give me the approximate time?

Time?

It's quarter to twelve.

Look, Eddie, this is my first murder. I
didn't wear a watch.

All right.

Weapon?

My mouth.

Is your tongue loaded now?

How come it's so hard to get arrested
these days?

When I was a kid, my Uncle Nunzio, he
just was a pickpocket, and he used to be

able to get arrested like that.

Okay, kid, what was the victim's name?

Crips. First name?

Mr.

Goodbye, Mr. Crips.

We couldn't find him nowhere.

Yeah, Mr. Carter, we're getting real
worried about Vinnie now. Yeah, man.

Yeah, so am I. I called his house.

His mother's out looking for him, too.

I spoke to his grandmother.

What'd she say?

I don't know. My Italian's a little
rusty.

Oh, I hope Vinny don't become a monk.

They're going to shave his head and put
his picture on a wine bottle.

Well, look, while you guys have been out
wasting time, I've been out doing some

real work. Now, what we got to do is we
got to forget where we think Vinny is.

We got to eliminate the places that he
ain't.

Now, we can assume that he ain't going
to be at the library.

And he ain't going to be at the ballet.

the art museum, or the symphony, which
leads me to one conclusion. What?

We don't need this list.

Now, where is he?

Look, I think it would be a good idea if
you guys try to find him in the places

that... Are you Mr.

Carter?

Yes, can I help you? Yeah, I'm Detective
Lieutenant Lasky, homicide.

sausage in my sock because I have six
items and I was in a seven -item line.

I don't care where you put the sausage.
I'm here to investigate a possible

murder, possibly perpetrated by one
Vincent Barbarino.

Hey, I know what you're talking about.
Hey, and I guarantee you... Hold it!

it! Uh, look, officer, this has to be a
mistake.

Who was murdered?

A Mr.

Cripps. Wait a minute, that's not how he
makes it.

Look,

I can explain this whole thing. You see,
Mr.

Cripps... Let me be the detective, okay?

Lionel, bring in the suspect.

Oh, no. Hey, Vinnie.

Oh,

Vinnie. What happened?

What'd they do to you, son?

Oh, Vinnie, Vinnie.

Take a piece of advice from an old and
very good friend.

I'll turn myself in.

Vinnie, how could you do this to me?

How could you write on your own self?

Because I'm guilty, Juan. That's why.

Why make their job any easier?

Officer, if you'll give me a second, I
can clear this up. You'll be a favorite

professor. Don't clear it up. Leave it
muddy, okay?

I want to ask a few questions.

You. What?

What is your name?

Radio Washington, sir.

Officer, this is absolutely ridiculous.
David, Professor.

Go ahead, Lincoln.

That's Washington, sir.

Well, you see, Mr. Cripps usually
started class by yelling at Vinnie.

Then what?

Then he'd sandpaper his throat and yell
at Vinnie again.

So what you're saying here is that Mr.

Cripps had a temper, right?

Yes, sir.

All right. Anybody else got anything to
add?

I refuse to testify on the grounds you
may incinerate me.

What did you guys do? Escape from a
juvenile court? Get out of here.

clear out.

Let's go to the movies. Not you,
Barbarino.

Hey,

Vinnie, one more piece of advice.

You're in trouble enough. Stay away from
the warden's daughter.

Vinnie, chin up, man. I'll be waiting
for you when you get out.

Now, look, I want you to get a job at
the laundry this way. When you come out,

you learn to trade.

I don't deserve good friends like that.

Nobody does.

Hey, Benny.

If you see my uncle up there, tell him
thanks for them license plates.

Get out!

Professor, you've been wanting to do my
job for me ever since I walked in here.

I'm going to give you a chance.

Go ahead, talk.

You sure it's all right?

Go ahead.

Be my guest.

Mr. Leonard Cripps died four days ago of
a heart attack.

You did?

Yeah, but it was my fault.

Vinnie, it wasn't your fault. It could
have happened at any time.

Yeah, but I was the one who made him
mad.

The world made him mad, Vinnie. It
wasn't your fault. Yes, it is. Vinnie,

isn't. Yes, it is.

You just happened to be there.

No, I did it. You didn't do it. I did.
No, you didn't. I did. Hold it!

I'm getting a whiplash here.

Vinnie, come over here.

Sit down a second.

Look, right after the funeral, Julie and
I went over to visit Mrs. Cripps.

I know I saw that. I felt so bad about
her.

She told me that Mr. Cripps had a heart
condition.

His doctor told him to retire two years
ago.

If anybody's responsible for Mr. Cripps'
death, it's Mr. Cripps.

You know, just saying that to make me
feel better?

Vinnie, he just wanted to teach. I think
yelling at you guys was his greatest

pleasure in life.

Really?

Really? Really?

Oh, I don't believe this.

Now my mother can stop calling the Pope.

You know, it's a tall call, you know.

Hey, Barbarino, come here.

Another wasted day.

Look, do me a favor, will you?

If you ever do decide to kill somebody,
do it in another precinct.

All right, 10 -4. Hey, guys, I'm a free
man. I got my stigma removed.

Hey, uh, professor, let me ask you
something. You really teach these guys?

I can't help it. I'm in it for the
money.

Some jerk parked the blue sedan right
behind my pocket. I can't get out.

You know what I did?

I kicked his fender. I gave it quite a
dent.

It sounds like my vehicle.

Oh, yeah? Well, why don't you move it,
stupid?

Mr.

Woodman, I'd like you to meet Police
Lieutenant Lasky.

Nice car. How is it on gas?

Why don't we find out? Come on, take a
ride with me down to the precinct.

Oh, it's just a small dent, officer. I
can't kick very hard. I'm an old man.

Tell him, Carter.

He's old.

Mr. Woodman, we have a lot of old people
down there on the road. There's one guy

by the name of Al. He's a lifer.

You'll love him. He'll teach you how to
knit.

Oh, Mr. Whitman. You didn't take her to
jail?

No, he just took the number of my
insurance company.

Do you ever have any uncles in jail?

Are you asking me to tell you an uncle,
Joe?

Well, anything would cheer me up after
that.

Okay, I had an Uncle Willie who was in
jail for 99 years.

99 years? 99 years. One day they throw
another prisoner in jail.

My uncle says, how long you in for? Guy
says, 98 years.

My uncle said, well, you take the bed
near the door. You're getting out first.

You ought to do time for that joke.

Welcome back.

Your dreams were your ticket out.

Welcome back to that same old place that
you laughed about.

Well, the names have all changed since
you hung around.

But those dreams have remained and
they've turned around.

Who'd have thought they'd lead ya?

Who'd have thought they'd lead ya? Back
here where we need ya. Back here where

we need ya. We tease him a lot. Cause we
got him on the spot. Welcome back.

Welcome back. Welcome back. Welcome
back.

Welcome back.

Welcome back. Welcome back.

We always get to spot.