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(SIREN SOUNDING)
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♪ (MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
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♪ (MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
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{\an8}ANNOUNCER>> LADIES AND
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{\an8}GENTLEMEN,
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{\an8}WANDA SYKES.
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{\an8}(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
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{\an8}(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
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WANDA SYKES>> WHOA!
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WANDA SYKES>> WHOA!
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YEAH!
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THANK YOU.
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THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
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THANK YOU.
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THANK YOU.
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HOW YOU DOING NEW YORK?!
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(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
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ALL RIGHT.
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GOOD TO BE HERE.
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GOOD TO BE HERE.
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I'M SO EXCITED ABOUT THIS.
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GOT MY SPECIAL.
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GOT A SHOW COMING OUT--
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MY OWN SIT-COM COMING OUT.
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AND I'M REAL EXCITED ABOUT IT,
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AND I'M REAL EXCITED ABOUT IT,
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BECAUSE IT'S AN IDEA THAT
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I CAME UP WITH.
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YOU KNOW, AND BEFORE YOU GET TO
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YOU KNOW, AND BEFORE YOU GET TO
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DO A SHOW THAT YOU WANT TO DO,
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YOU GOTTA LISTEN TO ALL THEY BAD
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IDEAS.
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IDEAS.
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AND THEY HAD A LOT OF BAD IDEAS.
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YOU KNOW, MY AGENT WOULD CALL
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ME, AND SHE'S LIKE-- "WANDA, YOU
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ME, AND SHE'S LIKE-- "WANDA, YOU
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DON'T EVEN WANT TO HEAR THIS."
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I'S LIKE, "NO, TELL ME,
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WHAT IS IT?"
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SHE'S LIKE, "ALL RIGHT,
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THEY WANT YOU TO PLAY A MAID.
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THEY WANT YOU TO PLAY A MAID.
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AND YOU WIN THE LOTTERY.
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BUT YOU LOVE WORKING FOR THIS
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BUT YOU LOVE WORKING FOR THIS
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FAMILY SO MUCH...
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(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
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(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
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YOU CONTINUE TO BE THEIR MAID."
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I SAID, "SET IT UP.
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I SAID, "SET IT UP.
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I WANT TO MEET THESE PEOPLE.
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SO I CAN SLAP THAT DUMB-ASS IDEA
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SO I CAN SLAP THAT DUMB-ASS IDEA
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RIGHT OUT THEY HEAD."
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(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
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(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
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WHAT MAKES YOU THINK PEOPLE
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WANT TO WORK FOR YOU LIKE THAT.
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WANT TO WORK FOR YOU LIKE THAT.
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THAT'S RIDICULOUS.
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I'M GONNA TELL YOU RIGHT NOW,
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SOMEBODY WALKED IN HERE AND
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TOLD ME I JUST WON THE LOTTERY,
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I WOULD WALK OUT IN THE MIDDLE
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I WOULD WALK OUT IN THE MIDDLE
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OF THIS JOKE.
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(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
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(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
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I FLEW IN HERE FROM L.A.
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RIGHT?
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(APPLAUSE)
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AND THAT RANDOM SCREENING THAT
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AND THAT RANDOM SCREENING THAT
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THEY SAY THEY DO AT THE AIRPORT?
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THERE'S NOTHING RANDOM ABOUT
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THE RANDOM SCREENING AT ALL.
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THE RANDOM SCREENING AT ALL.
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I KNOW EVERY TIME I FLY,
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I GET CHECKED TWICE.
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THEY STOP ME AT SECURITY,
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AND THEN THEY GET ME AGAIN
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AND THEN THEY GET ME AGAIN
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AT THE GATE.
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THE LAST TIME WAS SO BAD,
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THEY ACTUALLY MADE ME GO THROUGH
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THE MACHINE WITH THE LUGGAGE.
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I LIKE-- MAN, WHAT IN THE--
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I LIKE-- MAN, WHAT IN THE--
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(LAUGHTER)
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THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
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THIS CANNOT BE HEALTHY.
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THIS CANNOT BE HEALTHY.
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BEING ALL IRRADIATED.
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WHAT THE HELL IS THIS, MAN?
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THERE IS NOTHING RANDOM ABOUT
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THERE IS NOTHING RANDOM ABOUT
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IT.
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AND THEN, YOU GET TO THE GATE,
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AND THEY STANDING THERE WITH A
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SHERMAN WILLIAMS PAINT CHART.
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SHERMAN WILLIAMS PAINT CHART.
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IF YOUR ASS IS DARKER THAN
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KHAKI, YOU GETTIN' SEARCHED.
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(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
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(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
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SHOOT, I BEEN SEARCHED SO MUCH,
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I SAID THE HELL WITH LUGGAGE.
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I COULD JUST PUT ALL MY STUFF ON
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I COULD JUST PUT ALL MY STUFF ON
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A HANGAR.
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THIS IS ALL I GOT, Y'ALL.
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THAT'S IT.
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Y'ALL SEE?
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TWO...THREE PAIR OF DRAWERS.
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THAT'S IT.
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THAT'S IT.
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THAT'S IT.
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(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
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AND THEN ALSO, THE PEOPLE WHO
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AND THEN ALSO, THE PEOPLE WHO
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DOIN' THE SEARCHIN', THEY SOUND
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LIKE THEY JUST GOT INTO THE
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COUNTRY FOUR DAYS AGO.
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COUNTRY FOUR DAYS AGO.
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(LAUGHTER)
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"OKAY, OKAY, MY FRIEND.
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OKAY, I-- I NEED--
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WHAT I NEED-- I THINK-- "
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WHAT I NEED-- I THINK-- "
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"NO, NO.
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I NEED TO SEE YOUR ID."
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(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
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(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
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WHERE THE HELL YOU FROM?
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SO, THE THING IS NOW,
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EVERYBODY WANTS TO KNOW WHAT DID
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EVERYBODY WANTS TO KNOW WHAT DID
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THE PRESIDENT KNOW BEFORE 9/11?
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WHAT DID BUSH KNOW ABOUT 9/11?
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WHAT DID HE KNOW?
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WHAT DID HE KNOW?
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AND I'M LIKE; HE DIDN'T KNOW
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A DAMN THING.
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REMEMBER; HE DIDN'T GET SMART
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UNTIL AFTER 9/11.
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UNTIL AFTER 9/11.
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(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
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YOU CAN'T HOLD HIM RESPONSIBLE
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YOU CAN'T HOLD HIM RESPONSIBLE
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FOR STUFF THAT WAS GOING ON BACK
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THEN.
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HE WASN'T PAYIN' ATTENTION.
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YOU KNOW, DURING THE BRIEFINGS
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HE WAS PROBABLY BUSY COLORIN'
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HE WAS PROBABLY BUSY COLORIN'
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ON SOMETHING.
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YOU KNOW, DOO-DOO-DOO-DOO.
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YOU WANT TO LISTEN UP,
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MR. PRESIDENT?
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MR. PRESIDENT?
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UH-UH, I'M BUSY, OH, GO AHEAD.
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I WANT TO FINISH THIS ONE.
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I THINK IT MIGHT MAKE THE
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FRIDGE.
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FRIDGE.
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(LAUGHTER)
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HEY, LOOK, DICK, I STAYED IN THE
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HEY, LOOK, DICK, I STAYED IN THE
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LINES THIS TIME.
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(LAUGHTER)
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(GIGGLING)
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(GIGGLING)
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THE PRESIDENT NEEDS A NEW LAUGH.
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THAT--
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(MOCK LAUGHING)
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(MOCK LAUGHING)
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THE PRESIDENT SHOULDN'T LAUGH
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LIKE A VILLAIN.
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UH-UH.
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THE MAN LAUGH LIKE HE JUST TIED
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SOMEBODY TO THE RAILROAD TRACKS.
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SOMEBODY TO THE RAILROAD TRACKS.
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WHAT THE HELL THAT?
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(MOCK LAUGHING)
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BUT YOU GOTTA GET BEHIND HIM.
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BUT YOU GOTTA GET BEHIND HIM.
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THAT'S OUR PRESIDENT, YOU KNOW?
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GOTTA SUPPORT HIM.
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THAT'S RIGHT.
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THAT'S RIGHT.
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YOU KNOW.
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AND WE DO.
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WE DO.
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(APPLAUSE)
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THE MAN HAS A 70% APPROVAL
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RATING.
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RATING.
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WHICH MAKES SENSE TO ME,
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BECAUSE HE'S PRETTY MUCH DONE
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EVERYTHING I EXPECTED HIM TO DO.
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THE ECONOMY'S IN THE TOILET,
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THE ECONOMY'S IN THE TOILET,
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WE'RE AT WAR AND EVERYTHING'S
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ON FIRE.
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(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
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(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
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♪ (MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
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WANDA SYKES>> YOU KNOW,
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THE THING THAT BUGS ME THOUGH,
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IS LIKE--
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NOBODY EVER WANTS TO ADMIT
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WHEN THEY MADE A MISTAKE, RIGHT?
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NOBODY WANTS TO ADMIT IT.
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YOU KNOW, YOU LOOK AT FBI, CIA,
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NSA--
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NSA--
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THEY MESSED UP.
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BUT INSTEAD OF ADMITTIN' IT,
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THEY GO, "WELL, YOU KNOW,
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THERE'S NO WAY IN THE WORLD
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WE COULD HAVE IMAGINED 9/11
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HAPPENIN'.
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HAPPENIN'.
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NO WAY IN THE WORLD."
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YOU KNOW, THEN LATER ON, WE FIND
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OUT ALL THESE DAMN MEMOS CAME
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OUT, YOU KNOW, HIGHLY TRAINED
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FBI AGENT WROTE THE MEMO,
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FBI AGENT WROTE THE MEMO,
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"I THINK THIS DUDE WANTS TO FLY
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A PLANE INTO THE WORLD TRADE
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CENTER."
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CENTER."
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BUT THEY LIKE, "WELL, THERE'S
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NO WAY IN THE WORLD WE COULD
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HAVE PREDICTED THAT."
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YEAH, I COULD UNDERSTAND IF
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MISS CLEO WROTE THE MEMO.
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MISS CLEO WROTE THE MEMO.
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(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
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YOU KNOW, SO NOW, THEY WANT US
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YOU KNOW, SO NOW, THEY WANT US
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TO FEEL SAFE.
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SO, HOW THEY DO THAT?
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BY SCARIN' US TO DEATH.
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BY SCARIN' US TO DEATH.
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EVERY TIME WE TURN AROUND,
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THEY TELLIN' US, SOMETHING GONNA
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HAPPEN.
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SOMETHING GONNA HAPPEN.
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SOMETHING GONNA HAPPEN.
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CAN'T EVEN TURN ON THE T.V.
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WITHOUT HEARING A WARNING,
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SOMETHING GONNA HAPPEN.
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AND THEY ALWAYS DO IT ON A
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FRIDAY, 'ROUND 5 O'CLOCK.
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FRIDAY, 'ROUND 5 O'CLOCK.
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(LAUGHTER)
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JUST TO MESS UP YOUR WEEKEND.
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YOU KNOW, WHY DON'T THEY DO IT
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YOU KNOW, WHY DON'T THEY DO IT
265
00:06:41,359 --> 00:06:42,443
ON A SUNDAY NIGHT, TELL
266
00:06:42,527 --> 00:06:43,444
EVERYBODY TO TAKE THE DAY OFF
267
00:06:43,528 --> 00:06:44,904
MONDAY OR SOMETHING.
268
00:06:44,987 --> 00:06:46,280
YOU KNOW?
269
00:06:46,364 --> 00:06:50,743
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
270
00:06:50,827 --> 00:06:52,453
"UH-- UH, YEAH.
271
00:06:50,827 --> 00:06:52,453
"UH-- UH, YEAH.
272
00:06:52,537 --> 00:06:53,621
I AIN'T COMIN' IN TODAY.
273
00:06:53,704 --> 00:06:54,372
NO, MAN.
274
00:06:54,455 --> 00:06:56,707
SOMETHING GONNA HAPPEN.
275
00:06:56,791 --> 00:06:57,500
(LAUGHTER)
276
00:06:57,583 --> 00:06:58,334
WELL, THAT'S WHAT DICK CHENEY
277
00:06:58,417 --> 00:07:01,003
SAID."
278
00:07:01,087 --> 00:07:04,132
DICK CHENEY, MAN, HE'S ON A DAMN
279
00:07:04,215 --> 00:07:06,175
SCARE TOUR.
280
00:07:04,215 --> 00:07:06,175
SCARE TOUR.
281
00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:07,760
YOU CAN'T TURN THE T.V. ON--
282
00:07:07,844 --> 00:07:09,137
THAT MAN SCARIN' THE HELL OUT OF
283
00:07:09,220 --> 00:07:10,388
YOU.
284
00:07:09,220 --> 00:07:10,388
YOU.
285
00:07:10,471 --> 00:07:11,514
AND I LOVE WATCHIN' THOSE
286
00:07:11,597 --> 00:07:12,765
POLITICAL SHOWS, RIGHT--
287
00:07:12,849 --> 00:07:13,891
SO SUNDAY MORNING, I'M WATCHIN'
288
00:07:13,975 --> 00:07:15,059
MY FAVORITE SHOW, WATCHIN'
289
00:07:15,143 --> 00:07:15,852
FACE THE NATION.
290
00:07:15,935 --> 00:07:16,435
THERE'S DICK CHENEY ON THERE.
291
00:07:15,935 --> 00:07:16,435
THERE'S DICK CHENEY ON THERE.
292
00:07:16,519 --> 00:07:18,146
YOU KNOW IT LIKE WATCHIN'
293
00:07:18,229 --> 00:07:19,021
CREATURE FEATURE, MAN?
294
00:07:19,105 --> 00:07:20,857
DICK CHENEY LIKE, "OH, YES,
295
00:07:20,940 --> 00:07:22,233
YOU KNOW, ANOTHER DOMESTIC
296
00:07:22,316 --> 00:07:23,359
ATTACK, IT WILL HAPPEN.
297
00:07:22,316 --> 00:07:23,359
ATTACK, IT WILL HAPPEN.
298
00:07:23,442 --> 00:07:24,694
IT'S GONNA HAPPEN ANYTIME.
299
00:07:24,777 --> 00:07:26,445
I COULD HAPPEN NOW!"
300
00:07:26,529 --> 00:07:28,322
I'M LIKE--
301
00:07:28,406 --> 00:07:28,865
WHOA!
302
00:07:28,948 --> 00:07:29,532
WHOA!
303
00:07:29,615 --> 00:07:30,491
WHOA!
304
00:07:30,575 --> 00:07:31,701
MY CEREAL WENT FLYIN' UP IN THE
305
00:07:31,784 --> 00:07:33,286
AIR.
306
00:07:33,369 --> 00:07:34,620
I GOT FRUIT LOOPS ALL OVER MY
307
00:07:33,369 --> 00:07:34,620
I GOT FRUIT LOOPS ALL OVER MY
308
00:07:34,704 --> 00:07:35,371
WALL.
309
00:07:35,454 --> 00:07:40,084
(LAUGHTER)
310
00:07:40,168 --> 00:07:43,129
CONDOLEEZZA RICE, SHE DOES THE
311
00:07:40,168 --> 00:07:43,129
CONDOLEEZZA RICE, SHE DOES THE
312
00:07:43,212 --> 00:07:44,463
SAME THING.
313
00:07:44,547 --> 00:07:45,923
THAT WOMAN SCARE YOU TO DEATH.
314
00:07:46,007 --> 00:07:47,341
YOU NOTICE, WHENEVER SHE TALKS
315
00:07:46,007 --> 00:07:47,341
YOU NOTICE, WHENEVER SHE TALKS
316
00:07:47,425 --> 00:07:48,551
TO THE PRESS, SHE'S UP THERE,
317
00:07:48,634 --> 00:07:50,678
"TODAY, THE PRESIDENT MET WITH--
318
00:07:50,761 --> 00:07:52,597
DID Y'ALL HEAR SUMPIN'?
319
00:07:50,761 --> 00:07:52,597
DID Y'ALL HEAR SUMPIN'?
320
00:07:52,680 --> 00:07:56,976
(LAUGHTER)
321
00:07:57,059 --> 00:07:58,019
CONDOLEEZZA RICE, THE NATIONAL
322
00:07:58,102 --> 00:07:59,312
SECURITY ADVISOR, I KNEW THAT
323
00:07:58,102 --> 00:07:59,312
SECURITY ADVISOR, I KNEW THAT
324
00:07:59,395 --> 00:08:00,646
WAS A PROBLEM RIGHT THERE.
325
00:08:00,730 --> 00:08:02,273
COME ON, NOW, YOU KNOW, A BLACK
326
00:08:02,356 --> 00:08:03,983
WOMAN CAN'T KEEP NO SECRETS.
327
00:08:04,066 --> 00:08:08,821
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
328
00:08:04,066 --> 00:08:08,821
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
329
00:08:08,905 --> 00:08:09,947
SHE PROBABLY AT THE BEAUTY
330
00:08:10,031 --> 00:08:11,115
PARLOR JUST TELLIN' ALL OUR
331
00:08:10,031 --> 00:08:11,115
PARLOR JUST TELLIN' ALL OUR
332
00:08:11,199 --> 00:08:12,575
BUSINESS.
333
00:08:12,658 --> 00:08:14,202
YOU KNOW, LOOK, I CAN'T BE
334
00:08:14,285 --> 00:08:15,620
IN HERE ALL DAY.
335
00:08:15,703 --> 00:08:18,289
WE BOMBIN' IRAQ AT TWO.
336
00:08:15,703 --> 00:08:18,289
WE BOMBIN' IRAQ AT TWO.
337
00:08:18,372 --> 00:08:25,213
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
338
00:08:18,372 --> 00:08:25,213
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
339
00:08:25,296 --> 00:08:26,464
JUST GET ME A QUICK PEDICURE.
340
00:08:26,547 --> 00:08:29,175
I WANT TO LOOK CUTE WHEN WE PUT
341
00:08:26,547 --> 00:08:29,175
I WANT TO LOOK CUTE WHEN WE PUT
342
00:08:29,258 --> 00:08:32,303
OUR FOOT UP SADDAM'S ASS.
343
00:08:32,386 --> 00:08:35,640
(LAUGHTER)
344
00:08:32,386 --> 00:08:35,640
(LAUGHTER)
345
00:08:40,603 --> 00:08:42,647
OUR AIR QUALITY'S ALL MESSED UP
346
00:08:42,730 --> 00:08:44,190
NOW.
347
00:08:44,273 --> 00:08:45,191
YOU KNEW THAT WAS COMING.
348
00:08:45,274 --> 00:08:46,025
WHEN THEY LOWERED THE EMISSION
349
00:08:46,108 --> 00:08:46,692
STANDARDS.
350
00:08:46,108 --> 00:08:46,692
STANDARDS.
351
00:08:46,776 --> 00:08:47,652
YOU KNEW THAT WAS GONNA HAPPEN
352
00:08:47,735 --> 00:08:48,486
WHEN THEY APPOINTED
353
00:08:48,569 --> 00:08:49,779
CHRISTINE WHITMAN HEAD OF THE
354
00:08:49,862 --> 00:08:50,571
E.P.A.
355
00:08:50,655 --> 00:08:51,614
(APPLAUSE)
356
00:08:51,697 --> 00:08:53,491
YEAH.
357
00:08:51,697 --> 00:08:53,491
YEAH.
358
00:08:53,574 --> 00:08:55,201
THE GOVERNOR OF NEW JERSEY
359
00:08:55,284 --> 00:08:56,494
IS HEAD OF THE ENVIRONMENTAL
360
00:08:56,577 --> 00:08:57,453
PROTECTION AGENCY.
361
00:08:57,536 --> 00:09:03,834
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
362
00:08:57,536 --> 00:09:03,834
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
363
00:09:03,918 --> 00:09:05,253
DO YOU KNOW HOW DIRTY NEW JERSEY
364
00:09:03,918 --> 00:09:05,253
DO YOU KNOW HOW DIRTY NEW JERSEY
365
00:09:05,336 --> 00:09:07,463
IS?
366
00:09:07,546 --> 00:09:09,966
I MEAN, I'M SORRY, YOU DRIVE
367
00:09:10,049 --> 00:09:10,549
THROUGH NEW JERSEY, YOU GONNA
368
00:09:10,049 --> 00:09:10,549
THROUGH NEW JERSEY, YOU GONNA
369
00:09:10,633 --> 00:09:13,302
GET A LUMP ON YOUR BREAST.
370
00:09:13,386 --> 00:09:16,389
(LAUGHTER)
371
00:09:13,386 --> 00:09:16,389
(LAUGHTER)
372
00:09:16,472 --> 00:09:16,973
BETTER GET A MAMMOGRAM AT THE
373
00:09:17,056 --> 00:09:19,225
TOLL.
374
00:09:19,308 --> 00:09:21,310
(LAUGHTER CONTINUES)
375
00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:23,854
AH, THAT'LL BE 2.40, AND PUT
376
00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:23,854
AH, THAT'LL BE 2.40, AND PUT
377
00:09:23,938 --> 00:09:25,189
YOUR TITTY UP HERE.
378
00:09:25,273 --> 00:09:29,944
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
379
00:09:25,273 --> 00:09:29,944
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
380
00:09:32,613 --> 00:09:33,656
WHOO!
381
00:09:33,739 --> 00:09:35,700
OKAY, YOU ALL RIGHT.
382
00:09:33,739 --> 00:09:35,700
OKAY, YOU ALL RIGHT.
383
00:09:35,783 --> 00:09:37,868
GO AHEAD.
384
00:09:48,754 --> 00:09:50,423
WANDA SYKES>> NOBODY LIKES
385
00:09:50,506 --> 00:09:51,424
TO ADMIT THEIR MISTAKES, MAN.
386
00:09:50,506 --> 00:09:51,424
TO ADMIT THEIR MISTAKES, MAN.
387
00:09:51,507 --> 00:09:52,550
NOBODY.
388
00:09:52,633 --> 00:09:53,134
THEN WE FIND ALL THESE ENRON
389
00:09:53,217 --> 00:09:54,844
GUYS, ALL THESE CEO'S ROBBING
390
00:09:54,927 --> 00:09:56,554
EVERYBODY BLIND, MAN.
391
00:09:56,637 --> 00:09:58,097
YOU KNOW, I TELL YOU, THAT STOCK
392
00:09:58,180 --> 00:09:58,597
MARKET, BOY.
393
00:09:58,681 --> 00:10:00,683
THAT'S WHY I GOT OUT.
394
00:10:00,766 --> 00:10:01,851
I GOT OUT THE MARKET.
395
00:10:01,934 --> 00:10:02,935
I CALLED MY BROKER.
396
00:10:01,934 --> 00:10:02,935
I CALLED MY BROKER.
397
00:10:03,019 --> 00:10:03,894
I WAS LIKE, "HEY, PUT ALL MY
398
00:10:03,978 --> 00:10:04,687
MONEY IN WEED."
399
00:10:04,770 --> 00:10:09,650
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
400
00:10:04,770 --> 00:10:09,650
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
401
00:10:09,734 --> 00:10:11,110
PRICE OF WEED NEVER GOES DOWN.
402
00:10:11,193 --> 00:10:12,695
THAT'S A REAL BLUE CHIP RIGHT
403
00:10:12,778 --> 00:10:15,615
THERE.
404
00:10:12,778 --> 00:10:15,615
THERE.
405
00:10:15,698 --> 00:10:17,616
(LAUGHTER)
406
00:10:17,700 --> 00:10:19,869
THESE CEO'S MAN, THEY JUST
407
00:10:19,952 --> 00:10:20,703
ROBBIN' PEOPLE, BOY.
408
00:10:19,952 --> 00:10:20,703
ROBBIN' PEOPLE, BOY.
409
00:10:20,786 --> 00:10:23,080
I HOPE THEY GET A LOT OF
410
00:10:23,164 --> 00:10:24,206
JAIL TIME, TOO.
411
00:10:24,290 --> 00:10:25,166
BECAUSE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THEY
412
00:10:25,249 --> 00:10:26,500
GET IN COURT, EITHER THEY PLEAD
413
00:10:26,584 --> 00:10:27,877
THE FIFTH OR THEY GO, "I DON'T
414
00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:30,421
RECALL."
415
00:10:30,504 --> 00:10:32,340
AND THAT'S ACCEPTABLE.
416
00:10:32,423 --> 00:10:33,466
THEY GET AWAY WITH THAT.
417
00:10:32,423 --> 00:10:33,466
THEY GET AWAY WITH THAT.
418
00:10:33,549 --> 00:10:34,383
I MEAN, THAT SHOULDN'T BE
419
00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:34,675
ACCEPTABLE.
420
00:10:34,759 --> 00:10:35,676
YOU KNOW, YOU ASK ANY WOMAN IN
421
00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:36,635
HERE, YOUR MAN COMES HOME,
422
00:10:36,719 --> 00:10:38,929
AND YOU BEEN LIKE, "EH, YOU BEEN
423
00:10:36,719 --> 00:10:38,929
AND YOU BEEN LIKE, "EH, YOU BEEN
424
00:10:39,013 --> 00:10:40,639
CHEATIN' ON ME," AND HE GOES,
425
00:10:40,723 --> 00:10:43,225
"I DON'T RECALL."
426
00:10:43,309 --> 00:10:46,062
(LAUGHTER)
427
00:10:43,309 --> 00:10:46,062
(LAUGHTER)
428
00:10:46,145 --> 00:10:46,937
YOU KNOW, AND THEN CONFERS WITH
429
00:10:47,021 --> 00:10:47,229
HIS BUDDY.
430
00:10:47,313 --> 00:10:48,564
"ONE MOMENT."
431
00:10:48,647 --> 00:10:51,817
(LAUGHTER)
432
00:10:48,647 --> 00:10:51,817
(LAUGHTER)
433
00:10:58,949 --> 00:11:03,621
(LAUGHTER CONTINUES)
434
00:10:58,949 --> 00:11:03,621
(LAUGHTER CONTINUES)
435
00:11:03,704 --> 00:11:06,207
"NO COMMENT."
436
00:11:06,290 --> 00:11:08,751
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
437
00:11:06,290 --> 00:11:08,751
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
438
00:11:08,834 --> 00:11:10,628
SHOOT.
439
00:11:10,711 --> 00:11:12,505
YOU GONNA WHIP HIS ASS 'TIL HE
440
00:11:12,588 --> 00:11:12,963
GETS HIS MEMORY BACK.
441
00:11:13,047 --> 00:11:16,175
PUT UP WITH THAT.
442
00:11:13,047 --> 00:11:16,175
PUT UP WITH THAT.
443
00:11:16,258 --> 00:11:18,177
BUT THESE CEO'S, MAN,
444
00:11:18,260 --> 00:11:18,594
THEY RUTHLESS, BOY.
445
00:11:18,677 --> 00:11:20,554
YOU KNOW THEY AFFECTED LIKE
446
00:11:20,638 --> 00:11:20,930
MILLIONS OF LIVES.
447
00:11:21,013 --> 00:11:21,722
THEY HAD PEOPLE OUT THERE,
448
00:11:21,806 --> 00:11:22,681
THOUGHT THEY WAS GONNA BE ABLE
449
00:11:22,765 --> 00:11:24,683
TO RETIRE IN FOUR YEARS,
450
00:11:24,767 --> 00:11:25,726
AND THEN, THEY GOTTA WORK
451
00:11:25,810 --> 00:11:27,103
40 MORE YEARS.
452
00:11:25,810 --> 00:11:27,103
40 MORE YEARS.
453
00:11:27,186 --> 00:11:28,062
YOU KNOW, THEN YOU GOT PEOPLE
454
00:11:28,145 --> 00:11:28,687
WHO WERE RETIRED, AND THEY GOTTA
455
00:11:28,771 --> 00:11:31,148
GET BACK INTO THE WORKFORCE.
456
00:11:31,232 --> 00:11:32,483
YOU KNOW, WE ALL GONNA FEEL IT.
457
00:11:32,566 --> 00:11:33,818
YOU GONNA BE OUT THERE,
458
00:11:32,566 --> 00:11:33,818
YOU GONNA BE OUT THERE,
459
00:11:33,901 --> 00:11:35,903
RUSH HOUR TRAFFIC, SOME 80 YEAR
460
00:11:35,986 --> 00:11:37,947
OLD DUDE IN THE CARPOOL LANE,
461
00:11:38,030 --> 00:11:39,698
JUST MESSIN' TRAFFIC UP.
462
00:11:38,030 --> 00:11:39,698
JUST MESSIN' TRAFFIC UP.
463
00:11:39,782 --> 00:11:44,829
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
464
00:11:39,782 --> 00:11:44,829
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
465
00:11:44,912 --> 00:11:47,706
YOU BASTARDS!
466
00:11:47,790 --> 00:11:51,752
I'M SUPPOSED TO BE FISHING!
467
00:11:47,790 --> 00:11:51,752
I'M SUPPOSED TO BE FISHING!
468
00:11:51,836 --> 00:11:55,714
BUT THESE CEO'S, MAN, THEY--
469
00:11:55,798 --> 00:11:57,675
I MEAN, YOU BE THAT RUTHLESS,
470
00:11:55,798 --> 00:11:57,675
I MEAN, YOU BE THAT RUTHLESS,
471
00:11:57,758 --> 00:11:59,552
YOU A SCARY DUDE, MAN.
472
00:11:59,635 --> 00:12:01,095
I TELL YOU NOW, SHOOT, I WALK
473
00:12:01,178 --> 00:12:02,930
PAST A LITTLE GANG-BANGER,
474
00:12:01,178 --> 00:12:02,930
PAST A LITTLE GANG-BANGER,
475
00:12:03,013 --> 00:12:05,266
I DON'T EVEN BLINK.
476
00:12:05,349 --> 00:12:05,891
BUT IF I SEE A WHITE DUDE WITH A
477
00:12:05,975 --> 00:12:08,727
WALL STREET JOURNAL, I HAUL ASS.
478
00:12:05,975 --> 00:12:08,727
WALL STREET JOURNAL, I HAUL ASS.
479
00:12:08,811 --> 00:12:12,565
SHOOT.
480
00:12:12,648 --> 00:12:13,983
BEFORE I WALK PAST THE ARTHUR
481
00:12:14,066 --> 00:12:14,650
ANDERSEN BUILDING, I CUT THROUGH
482
00:12:14,066 --> 00:12:14,650
ANDERSEN BUILDING, I CUT THROUGH
483
00:12:14,733 --> 00:12:15,776
THE PROJECTS.
484
00:12:15,860 --> 00:12:19,196
(LAUGHTER)
485
00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:19,864
CUTTIN' THROUGH THE PROJECTS,
486
00:12:19,947 --> 00:12:22,241
YOU MIGHT JUST LOSE WHAT YOU
487
00:12:19,947 --> 00:12:22,241
YOU MIGHT JUST LOSE WHAT YOU
488
00:12:22,324 --> 00:12:24,243
HAVE ON YOU THAT DAY.
489
00:12:24,326 --> 00:12:26,036
I AIN'T NEVER BEEN MUGGED OF MY
490
00:12:26,120 --> 00:12:30,666
FUTURE.
491
00:12:26,120 --> 00:12:30,666
FUTURE.
492
00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:34,545
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
493
00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:34,545
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
494
00:12:43,888 --> 00:12:45,681
MARTHA STEWART.
495
00:12:43,888 --> 00:12:45,681
MARTHA STEWART.
496
00:12:45,764 --> 00:12:46,682
NOW, SHE'S IN TROUBLE WITH THE
497
00:12:46,765 --> 00:12:48,058
STOCK MARKET.
498
00:12:48,142 --> 00:12:49,185
INSIDER TRADIN'.
499
00:12:49,268 --> 00:12:49,685
YOU KNOW, WHICH I THINK IS
500
00:12:49,768 --> 00:12:50,769
UNFAIR, BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT?
501
00:12:49,768 --> 00:12:50,769
UNFAIR, BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT?
502
00:12:50,853 --> 00:12:52,813
SHE'S RICH.
503
00:12:52,897 --> 00:12:54,064
RICH PEOPLE, THEY TALK TO OTHER
504
00:12:54,148 --> 00:12:55,191
RICH PEOPLE, AND THEY TALK ABOUT
505
00:12:55,274 --> 00:12:56,233
RICH STUFF.
506
00:12:56,317 --> 00:12:57,902
PLUS, WE ALL DO INSIDER TRADING.
507
00:12:56,317 --> 00:12:57,902
PLUS, WE ALL DO INSIDER TRADING.
508
00:12:57,985 --> 00:12:59,612
WE ALL ARE GUILTY OF IT.
509
00:12:59,695 --> 00:13:01,030
BROKE PEOPLE DO IT, TOO.
510
00:13:01,113 --> 00:13:02,656
JUST ON A DIFFERENT LEVEL.
511
00:13:01,113 --> 00:13:02,656
JUST ON A DIFFERENT LEVEL.
512
00:13:02,740 --> 00:13:03,908
I HAVE COUSINS WHO WORK AT
513
00:13:03,991 --> 00:13:05,493
WAL-MART.
514
00:13:05,576 --> 00:13:05,993
THEY ALWAYS CALLIN' ME.
515
00:13:06,076 --> 00:13:08,704
"GIRL, DON'T BUY THERE TODAY."
516
00:13:06,076 --> 00:13:08,704
"GIRL, DON'T BUY THERE TODAY."
517
00:13:08,787 --> 00:13:14,793
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
518
00:13:08,787 --> 00:13:14,793
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
519
00:13:14,877 --> 00:13:15,878
"UH-UH.
520
00:13:15,961 --> 00:13:18,297
NO.
521
00:13:18,380 --> 00:13:18,881
IT'S GOIN' ON SALE TOMORROW."
522
00:13:18,964 --> 00:13:23,928
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
523
00:13:18,964 --> 00:13:23,928
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
524
00:13:24,011 --> 00:13:25,429
"UH-HUH.
525
00:13:25,513 --> 00:13:28,557
YEAH.
526
00:13:25,513 --> 00:13:28,557
YEAH.
527
00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:28,891
TWO FOR ONE.
528
00:13:28,974 --> 00:13:31,352
TWO FOR ONE.
529
00:13:31,435 --> 00:13:32,311
IT'S GONNA SPLIT.
530
00:13:32,394 --> 00:13:33,229
IT'S GONNA SPLIT.
531
00:13:32,394 --> 00:13:33,229
IT'S GONNA SPLIT.
532
00:13:33,312 --> 00:13:34,647
YEAH."
533
00:13:34,730 --> 00:13:39,235
(LAUGHTER)
534
00:13:34,730 --> 00:13:39,235
(LAUGHTER)
535
00:13:39,318 --> 00:13:40,069
CATHOLIC CHURCH, THEY IN
536
00:13:40,152 --> 00:13:41,111
TROUBLE.
537
00:13:41,195 --> 00:13:41,904
YEAH, I WAS DISAPPOINTED,
538
00:13:41,987 --> 00:13:42,821
BECAUSE I THOUGHT THE POPE WAS
539
00:13:42,905 --> 00:13:43,781
GONNA COME OUT AND JUST PUT HIS
540
00:13:43,864 --> 00:13:45,282
FOOT DOWN, YOU KNOW?
541
00:13:43,864 --> 00:13:45,282
FOOT DOWN, YOU KNOW?
542
00:13:45,366 --> 00:13:46,075
JUST LAY THE LAW DOWN.
543
00:13:46,158 --> 00:13:47,243
JUST GET IN THEY ASS.
544
00:13:47,326 --> 00:13:47,743
YOU KNOW?
545
00:13:47,826 --> 00:13:49,620
THOUGHT THE POPE WOULD JUST STEP
546
00:13:49,703 --> 00:13:50,621
OUT THERE AND BE LIKE, "LOOK,
547
00:13:49,703 --> 00:13:50,621
OUT THERE AND BE LIKE, "LOOK,
548
00:13:50,704 --> 00:13:51,789
YOU MOTHER-(BLEEP) GOTTA CUT
549
00:13:51,872 --> 00:13:53,832
THIS (BLEEP) OUT, ALL RIGHT?
550
00:13:53,916 --> 00:13:55,793
Y'ALL SOME DIRTY BASTARDS.
551
00:13:55,876 --> 00:13:57,044
I'M SICK OF YOU MOTHER (BLEEP).
552
00:13:55,876 --> 00:13:57,044
I'M SICK OF YOU MOTHER (BLEEP).
553
00:13:57,127 --> 00:13:58,003
IF Y'ALL DO KEEP THIS (BLEEP)
554
00:13:58,087 --> 00:13:58,837
UP, YOU GONNA BUST HELL WIDE
555
00:13:58,921 --> 00:14:00,130
OPEN.
556
00:14:00,214 --> 00:14:01,131
I'M SICK OF YOU MOTHER (BLEEP).
557
00:14:01,215 --> 00:14:02,007
I'M--
558
00:14:02,091 --> 00:14:02,466
THAT'S IT, RIGHT NOW,
559
00:14:02,550 --> 00:14:04,176
YA' BITCH."
560
00:14:02,550 --> 00:14:04,176
YA' BITCH."
561
00:14:04,260 --> 00:14:09,807
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
562
00:14:04,260 --> 00:14:09,807
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
563
00:14:09,890 --> 00:14:12,393
AND HE SHOULD USE THOSE EXACT
564
00:14:12,476 --> 00:14:14,728
WORDS.
565
00:14:12,476 --> 00:14:14,728
WORDS.
566
00:14:14,812 --> 00:14:15,771
(LAUGHTER CONTINUES)
567
00:14:15,854 --> 00:14:16,897
BECAUSE WHEN YOU DO SOMETHING
568
00:14:16,981 --> 00:14:17,815
THAT WRONG: THE POPE SHOULD BE
569
00:14:17,898 --> 00:14:20,192
ALLOWED TO CUSS YOU THE (BLEEP)
570
00:14:20,276 --> 00:14:21,318
OUT.
571
00:14:20,276 --> 00:14:21,318
OUT.
572
00:14:21,402 --> 00:14:23,612
(APPLAUSE)
573
00:14:23,696 --> 00:14:24,947
BUT INSTEAD THE POPE AIN'T
574
00:14:25,030 --> 00:14:27,700
REALLY SAY TOO MUCH.
575
00:14:25,030 --> 00:14:27,700
REALLY SAY TOO MUCH.
576
00:14:27,783 --> 00:14:29,118
YOU KNOW, HE KIND OF TOUCHED
577
00:14:29,201 --> 00:14:29,785
ON IT.
578
00:14:29,868 --> 00:14:30,327
THEN AGAIN, YOU KNOW, POPE
579
00:14:30,411 --> 00:14:30,869
GETTIN' KIND OF OLD.
580
00:14:30,953 --> 00:14:37,668
(LAUGHTER)
581
00:14:30,953 --> 00:14:37,668
(LAUGHTER)
582
00:14:37,751 --> 00:14:38,419
ALL RIGHT, WHO WE FOOLIN'?
583
00:14:38,502 --> 00:14:39,003
THE POPE IS OLD, Y'ALL.
584
00:14:38,502 --> 00:14:39,003
THE POPE IS OLD, Y'ALL.
585
00:14:39,086 --> 00:14:41,171
THE POPE IS OLD.
586
00:14:41,255 --> 00:14:41,964
IT'S TIME TO START THINKING
587
00:14:42,047 --> 00:14:42,798
ABOUT PUTTIN' THE POPE IN THE
588
00:14:42,881 --> 00:14:43,132
OLD POPE'S HOME.
589
00:14:43,215 --> 00:14:45,217
I'M SORRY.
590
00:14:43,215 --> 00:14:45,217
I'M SORRY.
591
00:14:45,301 --> 00:14:46,594
AND THEN, THE MAN, HE CAN'T EVEN
592
00:14:46,677 --> 00:14:47,553
STAND UP STRAIGHT.
593
00:14:47,636 --> 00:14:48,095
THE POPE ALL DOUBLED OVER.
594
00:14:48,178 --> 00:14:48,971
AND THEN, THEY PUTTIN' THAT
595
00:14:49,054 --> 00:14:51,265
BIG OLD HEAVY HAT ON HIS HEAD
596
00:14:49,054 --> 00:14:51,265
BIG OLD HEAVY HAT ON HIS HEAD
597
00:14:51,348 --> 00:14:52,558
AND ALL THOSE HEAVY ROBES AND
598
00:14:52,641 --> 00:14:54,226
STUFF.
599
00:14:54,310 --> 00:14:55,686
LIGHTEN THE MAN'S LOAD UP.
600
00:14:55,769 --> 00:14:56,687
GIVEN HIM A LITTLE BURGER KING
601
00:14:55,769 --> 00:14:56,687
GIVEN HIM A LITTLE BURGER KING
602
00:14:56,770 --> 00:14:57,479
CAP OR SOMETHING.
603
00:14:57,563 --> 00:14:58,606
HELP HIM OUT.
604
00:14:58,689 --> 00:14:59,857
YOU KNOW?
605
00:14:59,940 --> 00:15:02,067
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
606
00:15:02,151 --> 00:15:03,110
HELP THE POPE OUT.
607
00:15:02,151 --> 00:15:03,110
HELP THE POPE OUT.
608
00:15:03,193 --> 00:15:03,902
INSTEAD OF ALL THOSE HEAVY
609
00:15:03,986 --> 00:15:04,903
ROBES, GIVE HIM A PAIR OF
610
00:15:04,987 --> 00:15:06,280
PAJAMAS.
611
00:15:06,363 --> 00:15:07,531
LET HIM WHERE A LITTLE TANK TOP
612
00:15:07,615 --> 00:15:08,657
AND SOME SHORTS OR SOMETHING.
613
00:15:07,615 --> 00:15:08,657
AND SOME SHORTS OR SOMETHING.
614
00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:09,033
YOU KNOW?
615
00:15:09,116 --> 00:15:09,992
GIVE HIM SOME HOUSE SHOES OR
616
00:15:10,075 --> 00:15:11,660
SOMETHING.
617
00:15:11,744 --> 00:15:14,872
HELP THE MAN OUT.
618
00:15:11,744 --> 00:15:14,872
HELP THE MAN OUT.
619
00:15:17,374 --> 00:15:18,042
AND NOW, THE POPE GOT A
620
00:15:18,125 --> 00:15:18,917
HUNCHBACK.
621
00:15:19,001 --> 00:15:20,878
WHEN THE POPE GET A HUNCHBACK?
622
00:15:19,001 --> 00:15:20,878
WHEN THE POPE GET A HUNCHBACK?
623
00:15:20,961 --> 00:15:22,463
NOW HE GOT A HUNCHBACK.
624
00:15:22,546 --> 00:15:23,297
YOU SEE THE BIG HUNCH ON HIS
625
00:15:23,380 --> 00:15:24,089
BACK NOW.
626
00:15:24,173 --> 00:15:25,341
THAT'S WHERE HE STORES ALL THE
627
00:15:25,424 --> 00:15:25,966
CONFESSIONS THAT HE HEARS FROM
628
00:15:26,050 --> 00:15:27,051
THE PRIESTS.
629
00:15:26,050 --> 00:15:27,051
THE PRIESTS.
630
00:15:27,134 --> 00:15:30,054
UH-HUH.
631
00:15:30,137 --> 00:15:31,430
YOU DID WHAT?
632
00:15:31,513 --> 00:15:32,431
OH, LORD.
633
00:15:32,514 --> 00:15:34,767
OH-- OH, PLEASE, SHUT UP.
634
00:15:32,514 --> 00:15:34,767
OH-- OH, PLEASE, SHUT UP.
635
00:15:34,850 --> 00:15:36,143
OH, OH.
636
00:15:36,226 --> 00:15:37,394
OH, Y'ALL ARE KILLIN' ME.
637
00:15:37,478 --> 00:15:39,271
OH, I CAN'T HEAR NO MORE.
638
00:15:37,478 --> 00:15:39,271
OH, I CAN'T HEAR NO MORE.
639
00:15:39,355 --> 00:15:40,397
MY HUNCH.
640
00:15:40,481 --> 00:15:41,315
OH, OH.
641
00:15:41,398 --> 00:15:43,484
THE BELLS, THE BELLS, THE BELLS.
642
00:15:43,567 --> 00:15:45,903
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
643
00:15:43,567 --> 00:15:45,903
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
644
00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:56,872
WANDA SYKES>> SO, I'VE BEEN OUT
645
00:15:56,955 --> 00:15:58,999
IN L.A. A LOT.
646
00:15:56,955 --> 00:15:58,999
IN L.A. A LOT.
647
00:15:59,083 --> 00:16:00,000
L.A. IS NOTHING BUT A BUNCH OF
648
00:16:00,084 --> 00:16:01,877
DRIVIN'.
649
00:16:01,960 --> 00:16:03,170
AND I HATE ALL THAT DAMN DRIVIN'
650
00:16:03,253 --> 00:16:04,672
BECAUSE IT INTERFERES WITH MY
651
00:16:04,755 --> 00:16:05,923
DRINKIN'.
652
00:16:04,755 --> 00:16:05,923
DRINKIN'.
653
00:16:06,006 --> 00:16:10,719
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
654
00:16:10,803 --> 00:16:12,680
YEAH, THAT'S WHY I LOVE ME SOME
655
00:16:10,803 --> 00:16:12,680
YEAH, THAT'S WHY I LOVE ME SOME
656
00:16:12,763 --> 00:16:14,348
NEW YORK, BOY.
657
00:16:14,431 --> 00:16:18,602
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
658
00:16:14,431 --> 00:16:18,602
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
659
00:16:18,686 --> 00:16:21,313
RIGHT.
660
00:16:21,397 --> 00:16:25,150
WE GET TOE UP IN NEW YORK.
661
00:16:21,397 --> 00:16:25,150
WE GET TOE UP IN NEW YORK.
662
00:16:25,234 --> 00:16:28,570
YOU KNOW, NEW YORK, WE HAVE ALL
663
00:16:28,654 --> 00:16:30,030
THOSE BEAUTIFUL, LOVELY CABS AND
664
00:16:28,654 --> 00:16:30,030
THOSE BEAUTIFUL, LOVELY CABS AND
665
00:16:30,114 --> 00:16:31,031
STUFF.
666
00:16:31,115 --> 00:16:33,283
OH, I LOVE THAT, MAN.
667
00:16:33,367 --> 00:16:34,993
TELL YOU-- $5 OUT OF YOUR
668
00:16:33,367 --> 00:16:34,993
TELL YOU-- $5 OUT OF YOUR
669
00:16:35,077 --> 00:16:36,370
POCKET, PIN YOUR ADDRESS TO YOUR
670
00:16:36,453 --> 00:16:37,538
COLLAR.
671
00:16:37,621 --> 00:16:38,497
WHOO!
672
00:16:38,580 --> 00:16:39,498
(LAUGHTER)
673
00:16:39,581 --> 00:16:41,291
YOU GET HOME.
674
00:16:39,581 --> 00:16:41,291
YOU GET HOME.
675
00:16:41,375 --> 00:16:44,336
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS GET THAT
676
00:16:44,420 --> 00:16:46,004
CAB, MAN.
677
00:16:46,088 --> 00:16:46,964
I KNOW HERE IN NEW YORK, I'M AT
678
00:16:46,088 --> 00:16:46,964
I KNOW HERE IN NEW YORK, I'M AT
679
00:16:47,047 --> 00:16:48,549
THE BAR DRINKIN', THE BARTENDER
680
00:16:48,632 --> 00:16:49,133
COMES OVER, "UH, CAN I GET YOU
681
00:16:49,216 --> 00:16:50,968
ANOTHER ONE?"
682
00:16:51,051 --> 00:16:55,180
"OH, HOLD ON, LET ME SEE.
683
00:16:51,051 --> 00:16:55,180
"OH, HOLD ON, LET ME SEE.
684
00:16:55,264 --> 00:16:59,935
(LAUGHTER)
685
00:16:55,264 --> 00:16:59,935
(LAUGHTER)
686
00:17:00,018 --> 00:17:00,227
OH, YEAH.
687
00:17:00,310 --> 00:17:02,104
I COULD HAVE ABOUT TWO MORE."
688
00:17:02,187 --> 00:17:05,941
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
689
00:17:02,187 --> 00:17:05,941
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
690
00:17:06,024 --> 00:17:08,569
BECAUSE IN NEW YORK, THAT'S ALL
691
00:17:08,652 --> 00:17:09,945
YOU HAVE TO BE ABLE TO DO.
692
00:17:10,028 --> 00:17:12,114
JUST WANDER YOUR ASS TO THAT
693
00:17:10,028 --> 00:17:12,114
JUST WANDER YOUR ASS TO THAT
694
00:17:12,197 --> 00:17:13,115
CURB, AND--
695
00:17:13,198 --> 00:17:19,413
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
696
00:17:13,198 --> 00:17:19,413
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
697
00:17:28,714 --> 00:17:33,677
(LAUGHTER CONTINUES)
698
00:17:28,714 --> 00:17:33,677
(LAUGHTER CONTINUES)
699
00:17:33,761 --> 00:17:35,888
YOU ARE HOME, MAN.
700
00:17:33,761 --> 00:17:35,888
YOU ARE HOME, MAN.
701
00:17:40,684 --> 00:17:42,519
YOU KNOW, BUT WHEN YOU'RE OUT
702
00:17:40,684 --> 00:17:42,519
YOU KNOW, BUT WHEN YOU'RE OUT
703
00:17:42,603 --> 00:17:43,145
DRINKIN', AND YOU KNOW YOU GOTTA
704
00:17:43,228 --> 00:17:45,439
DRIVE, YOU TRY TO BE
705
00:17:45,522 --> 00:17:46,565
RESPONSIBLE, RIGHT?
706
00:17:46,648 --> 00:17:47,232
YOU DO.
707
00:17:46,648 --> 00:17:47,232
YOU DO.
708
00:17:47,316 --> 00:17:47,983
YOU HAVE GOOD INTENTIONS.
709
00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:48,525
YOU TELL YOURSELF, YOU SAY,
710
00:17:48,609 --> 00:17:50,235
"OKAY, I'M DRIVIN' TONIGHT.
711
00:17:50,319 --> 00:17:51,445
I'M GONNA HAVE TWO DRINKS.
712
00:17:51,528 --> 00:17:52,446
THAT'S IT."
713
00:17:52,529 --> 00:17:54,698
THAT'S WHAT YOU SAY.
714
00:17:52,529 --> 00:17:54,698
THAT'S WHAT YOU SAY.
715
00:17:54,782 --> 00:17:55,824
BUT WHEN YOU GET WITH YOUR
716
00:17:55,908 --> 00:17:57,117
FRIENDS THAT GOES RIGHT OUT THE
717
00:17:57,201 --> 00:17:58,035
WINDOW, RIGHT?
718
00:17:58,118 --> 00:17:59,912
BECAUSE YOUR FRIENDS, THEY WANT
719
00:17:58,118 --> 00:17:59,912
BECAUSE YOUR FRIENDS, THEY WANT
720
00:17:59,995 --> 00:18:01,330
YOU TO ACT THE ASS, TOO.
721
00:18:01,413 --> 00:18:02,080
RIGHT, YOU WANT EVERYBODY DRUNK.
722
00:18:02,164 --> 00:18:04,958
YOU DON'T WANT SOMEBODY SOBER,
723
00:18:02,164 --> 00:18:04,958
YOU DON'T WANT SOMEBODY SOBER,
724
00:18:05,042 --> 00:18:06,168
RECALLING THE EVENTS THE NEXT
725
00:18:06,251 --> 00:18:08,420
DAY.
726
00:18:08,504 --> 00:18:09,838
YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR THAT.
727
00:18:09,922 --> 00:18:10,172
NO.
728
00:18:10,255 --> 00:18:12,216
"GIRL, YOU PEED ON YOURSELF."
729
00:18:10,255 --> 00:18:12,216
"GIRL, YOU PEED ON YOURSELF."
730
00:18:12,299 --> 00:18:14,384
"WHAT?
731
00:18:14,468 --> 00:18:16,011
I DID NOT."
732
00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:19,431
YOU MAKE ME SICK.
733
00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:19,431
YOU MAKE ME SICK.
734
00:18:19,515 --> 00:18:20,140
I HATE HANGING OUT WITH YOUR
735
00:18:20,224 --> 00:18:23,811
SOBER ASS.
736
00:18:20,224 --> 00:18:23,811
SOBER ASS.
737
00:18:23,894 --> 00:18:26,605
YOU MAKE ME SICK.
738
00:18:26,688 --> 00:18:27,940
YOU WANT EVERYBODY DRUNK.
739
00:18:28,023 --> 00:18:28,524
THAT'S WHY NO MATTER WHAT YOU
740
00:18:28,607 --> 00:18:29,066
DO--
741
00:18:28,607 --> 00:18:29,066
DO--
742
00:18:29,149 --> 00:18:30,776
IF YOU GO, "NO, NO.
743
00:18:30,859 --> 00:18:31,568
TWO DRINKS, MAN, I'M DONE,"
744
00:18:31,652 --> 00:18:32,402
YOU ALWAYS GET THE ONE FRIEND
745
00:18:32,486 --> 00:18:34,238
THAT'LL GO, "NO, NO, NO.
746
00:18:34,321 --> 00:18:35,948
COME ON, MAN.
747
00:18:34,321 --> 00:18:35,948
COME ON, MAN.
748
00:18:36,031 --> 00:18:37,658
HAVE ANOTHER DRINK.
749
00:18:37,741 --> 00:18:39,326
YOU BE ALL RIGHT.
750
00:18:39,409 --> 00:18:45,040
I'LL FOLLOW YOU HOME."
751
00:18:39,409 --> 00:18:45,040
I'LL FOLLOW YOU HOME."
752
00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:50,003
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
753
00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:50,003
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
754
00:18:50,087 --> 00:18:52,047
AND WE ALL FALL FOR THAT FOR
755
00:18:52,130 --> 00:18:53,966
SOME REASON, RIGHT?
756
00:18:52,130 --> 00:18:53,966
SOME REASON, RIGHT?
757
00:18:54,049 --> 00:18:55,050
I NEVER UNDERSTOOD THE LOGIC
758
00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:57,302
BEHIND THAT, EXACTLY.
759
00:18:57,386 --> 00:18:58,262
IT'S LIKE OKAY, I'M GONNA GET MY
760
00:18:58,345 --> 00:18:59,513
DRUNK ASS IN MY CAR.
761
00:18:58,345 --> 00:18:59,513
DRUNK ASS IN MY CAR.
762
00:18:59,596 --> 00:19:01,306
AND YOU GONNA GET YOUR DRUNK ASS
763
00:19:01,390 --> 00:19:03,058
IN YOUR CAR.
764
00:19:03,141 --> 00:19:04,726
AND WE GONNA HAVE THIS DRUNK
765
00:19:04,810 --> 00:19:06,061
CARAVAN JUST FLYIN' DOWN THE
766
00:19:04,810 --> 00:19:06,061
CARAVAN JUST FLYIN' DOWN THE
767
00:19:06,144 --> 00:19:07,896
HIGHWAY.
768
00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:10,357
HOW DOES HAVIN' A DRUNK BEHIND
769
00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:12,109
YOU IMPROVE YOUR DRIVIN'?
770
00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:12,109
YOU IMPROVE YOUR DRIVIN'?
771
00:19:12,192 --> 00:19:16,196
(LAUGHTER)
772
00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:17,114
ONLY THING THAT'S GOOD FOR--
773
00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:17,114
ONLY THING THAT'S GOOD FOR--
774
00:19:17,197 --> 00:19:18,323
LIKE SO WHEN YOU CRASH, YOUR
775
00:19:18,407 --> 00:19:19,741
DRUNK FRIEND WILL BE THERE
776
00:19:19,825 --> 00:19:21,326
TO TELL THE COPS WHAT HAPPENED.
777
00:19:21,410 --> 00:19:22,202
THAT'S ALL.
778
00:19:22,286 --> 00:19:24,746
YOU'RE LIKE, "OOH, OFFICER,
779
00:19:22,286 --> 00:19:24,746
YOU'RE LIKE, "OOH, OFFICER,
780
00:19:24,830 --> 00:19:27,958
I SAW THE WHOLE THING.
781
00:19:28,041 --> 00:19:31,628
IT WAS TRAGIC.
782
00:19:28,041 --> 00:19:31,628
IT WAS TRAGIC.
783
00:19:31,712 --> 00:19:35,632
OKAY, THIS WHAT HAPPENED, RIGHT?
784
00:19:31,712 --> 00:19:35,632
OKAY, THIS WHAT HAPPENED, RIGHT?
785
00:19:35,716 --> 00:19:38,218
CAN YOU GET THE LIGHT OUT OF MY
786
00:19:38,302 --> 00:19:40,929
EYE, OFFICER?
787
00:19:41,013 --> 00:19:43,557
WELL, OKAY.
788
00:19:43,640 --> 00:19:45,767
THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED.
789
00:19:45,851 --> 00:19:48,645
NOW, YOU SEE HOW THE ROAD GO
790
00:19:45,851 --> 00:19:48,645
NOW, YOU SEE HOW THE ROAD GO
791
00:19:48,729 --> 00:19:50,439
LIKE THIS?
792
00:19:50,522 --> 00:19:55,235
(LAUGHTER)
793
00:19:50,522 --> 00:19:55,235
(LAUGHTER)
794
00:19:55,319 --> 00:19:59,781
WELL, SHE WENT LIKE THAT.
795
00:19:55,319 --> 00:19:59,781
WELL, SHE WENT LIKE THAT.
796
00:19:59,865 --> 00:20:03,035
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
797
00:20:09,750 --> 00:20:12,502
I WAS FOLLOWING HER UNTIL SHE
798
00:20:09,750 --> 00:20:12,502
I WAS FOLLOWING HER UNTIL SHE
799
00:20:12,586 --> 00:20:16,590
HIT THAT TREE.
800
00:20:16,673 --> 00:20:21,094
AND THEN, I SAID, "WELL, MAYBE
801
00:20:16,673 --> 00:20:21,094
AND THEN, I SAID, "WELL, MAYBE
802
00:20:21,178 --> 00:20:24,264
SHE LIVE IN THE WOODS."
803
00:20:21,178 --> 00:20:24,264
SHE LIVE IN THE WOODS."
804
00:20:24,348 --> 00:20:29,186
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
805
00:20:24,348 --> 00:20:29,186
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
806
00:20:32,439 --> 00:20:35,817
MAYBE SHE GOT A TREE HOUSE.
807
00:20:32,439 --> 00:20:35,817
MAYBE SHE GOT A TREE HOUSE.
808
00:20:35,901 --> 00:20:39,029
(LAUGHTER CONTINUES)
809
00:20:42,115 --> 00:20:43,533
OH, OKAY.
810
00:20:43,617 --> 00:20:45,243
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
811
00:21:00,467 --> 00:21:01,301
WANDA SYKES>> I WAS IN FLORIDA
812
00:21:00,467 --> 00:21:01,301
WANDA SYKES>> I WAS IN FLORIDA
813
00:21:01,385 --> 00:21:03,553
LAST WEEK, MAN.
814
00:21:03,637 --> 00:21:05,347
LOT OF STRIP CLUBS IN FLORIDA.
815
00:21:05,430 --> 00:21:07,182
GOOD, GRIEF.
816
00:21:07,265 --> 00:21:08,600
EVERY ONE THEY CLOSED IN
817
00:21:08,684 --> 00:21:09,601
NEW YORK, THEY MOVED TO FLORIDA.
818
00:21:09,685 --> 00:21:11,269
I MEAN, FLORIDA GOT SO MANY
819
00:21:11,353 --> 00:21:13,605
STRIP CLUBS, I MEAN, THEY NEED
820
00:21:11,353 --> 00:21:13,605
STRIP CLUBS, I MEAN, THEY NEED
821
00:21:13,689 --> 00:21:14,690
TO CHANGE THEY STATE FLAG TO
822
00:21:14,773 --> 00:21:15,232
JUST A BRASS POLE.
823
00:21:15,315 --> 00:21:17,985
YOU KNOW?
824
00:21:18,068 --> 00:21:19,444
FLORIDA.
825
00:21:18,068 --> 00:21:19,444
FLORIDA.
826
00:21:19,528 --> 00:21:24,241
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
827
00:21:24,324 --> 00:21:25,492
I WENT TO THIS ONE STRIP CLUB,
828
00:21:24,324 --> 00:21:25,492
I WENT TO THIS ONE STRIP CLUB,
829
00:21:25,575 --> 00:21:26,702
YOU KNOW, WITH THE GUYS, AFTER
830
00:21:26,785 --> 00:21:27,703
THE SHOW, WE WENT TO THIS CLUB.
831
00:21:27,786 --> 00:21:29,037
AND WE GET TO THE STRIP CLUB,
832
00:21:29,121 --> 00:21:29,538
AND THEY ACTUALLY TRIED TO
833
00:21:29,621 --> 00:21:32,082
CHARGE ME A COVER.
834
00:21:29,621 --> 00:21:32,082
CHARGE ME A COVER.
835
00:21:32,165 --> 00:21:33,709
CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?
836
00:21:33,792 --> 00:21:34,584
WANTING ME TO PAY.
837
00:21:34,668 --> 00:21:35,627
I WAS LIKE "PAY?
838
00:21:35,711 --> 00:21:36,670
ARE YOU OUT YOUR DAMN MIND?"
839
00:21:36,753 --> 00:21:38,296
I WAS LIKE, "COME ON, MAN.
840
00:21:36,753 --> 00:21:38,296
I WAS LIKE, "COME ON, MAN.
841
00:21:38,380 --> 00:21:40,465
I BROUGHT MY OWN TITTIES.
842
00:21:40,549 --> 00:21:42,384
AND YOU EXPECT ME TO PAY TO SEE
843
00:21:42,467 --> 00:21:45,887
TITTIES, SHOOT?
844
00:21:42,467 --> 00:21:45,887
TITTIES, SHOOT?
845
00:21:45,971 --> 00:21:46,638
I CAN SEE TITTIES FOR FREE
846
00:21:46,722 --> 00:21:48,098
ALL DAY IF I WANT TO.
847
00:21:48,181 --> 00:21:50,434
YEAH, I CAN EVEN PLAY WITH THEM.
848
00:21:48,181 --> 00:21:50,434
YEAH, I CAN EVEN PLAY WITH THEM.
849
00:21:50,517 --> 00:21:52,352
CAN YOU DO THAT IN THERE?
850
00:21:52,436 --> 00:21:54,438
I AIN'T THINK SO.
851
00:21:54,521 --> 00:21:58,692
YOU KNOW, B.Y.O.T., MAN."
852
00:21:54,521 --> 00:21:58,692
YOU KNOW, B.Y.O.T., MAN."
853
00:21:58,775 --> 00:22:01,236
(LAUGHTER)
854
00:22:01,319 --> 00:22:03,905
BUT I AIN'T GONNA LIE TO Y'ALL.
855
00:22:03,989 --> 00:22:05,449
ONCE I GOT INSIDE, AND SAW THOSE
856
00:22:05,532 --> 00:22:07,576
TRIPLE-Gs AND STUFF, I WENT BACK
857
00:22:05,532 --> 00:22:07,576
TRIPLE-Gs AND STUFF, I WENT BACK
858
00:22:07,659 --> 00:22:09,286
AND PAID.
859
00:22:09,369 --> 00:22:12,289
(LAUGHTER)
860
00:22:12,372 --> 00:22:13,790
I WAS LIKE, "OH, OH.
861
00:22:12,372 --> 00:22:13,790
I WAS LIKE, "OH, OH.
862
00:22:13,874 --> 00:22:14,958
I GET IT NOW.
863
00:22:15,042 --> 00:22:16,168
I SEE.
864
00:22:16,251 --> 00:22:16,752
YEAH, THESE ARE PROFESSIONAL
865
00:22:16,835 --> 00:22:19,087
TITTIES IN HERE."
866
00:22:19,171 --> 00:22:20,338
(LAUGHTER)
867
00:22:19,171 --> 00:22:20,338
(LAUGHTER)
868
00:22:20,422 --> 00:22:21,298
OH, GOOD LORD, NO, MY TITTIES
869
00:22:21,381 --> 00:22:23,550
COULDN'T DO THAT.
870
00:22:23,633 --> 00:22:25,677
I GUESS IF YOUR TITTIES BIGGER
871
00:22:23,633 --> 00:22:25,677
I GUESS IF YOUR TITTIES BIGGER
872
00:22:25,761 --> 00:22:28,346
THAN YOUR HEAD, THEN, YEAH.
873
00:22:28,430 --> 00:22:30,140
YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO PAY SOME
874
00:22:30,223 --> 00:22:31,808
BILLS WITH THAT.
875
00:22:30,223 --> 00:22:31,808
BILLS WITH THAT.
876
00:22:31,892 --> 00:22:34,311
(LAUGHTER)
877
00:22:34,394 --> 00:22:34,644
THAT'S RIGHT.
878
00:22:34,728 --> 00:22:35,353
THERE'S THIS ONE CLUB I WENT TO,
879
00:22:35,437 --> 00:22:37,022
MAN.
880
00:22:37,105 --> 00:22:37,939
THAT WAS THE END OF IT FOR ME.
881
00:22:37,105 --> 00:22:37,939
THAT WAS THE END OF IT FOR ME.
882
00:22:38,023 --> 00:22:38,857
WE WENT TO THIS ONE STRIP CLUB,
883
00:22:38,940 --> 00:22:39,399
MAN.
884
00:22:39,483 --> 00:22:41,818
IT WAS LIKE THE LOWEST, THE MOST
885
00:22:41,902 --> 00:22:43,570
NASTIEST--
886
00:22:41,902 --> 00:22:43,570
NASTIEST--
887
00:22:43,653 --> 00:22:45,989
I MEAN, JUST RAW NAKED ASS.
888
00:22:46,073 --> 00:22:48,325
THERE'S NO D.J., NO LIQUOR
889
00:22:48,408 --> 00:22:53,455
LICENSE.
890
00:22:48,408 --> 00:22:53,455
LICENSE.
891
00:22:53,538 --> 00:22:56,083
AND THE GIRLS, THEY DIDN'T EVEN
892
00:22:53,538 --> 00:22:56,083
AND THE GIRLS, THEY DIDN'T EVEN
893
00:22:56,166 --> 00:22:57,459
BOTHER DANCIN'.
894
00:22:57,542 --> 00:22:58,835
THEY JUST STOOD UP THERE.
895
00:22:58,919 --> 00:23:01,088
"LOOK AT IT!
896
00:23:01,171 --> 00:23:04,549
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
897
00:23:01,171 --> 00:23:04,549
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
898
00:23:04,633 --> 00:23:07,636
IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT, HUH?
899
00:23:04,633 --> 00:23:07,636
IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT, HUH?
900
00:23:07,719 --> 00:23:08,345
LOOK AT IT!"
901
00:23:08,428 --> 00:23:11,014
(LAUGHTER)
902
00:23:11,098 --> 00:23:12,516
I WAS LIKE, "OH, MY GOD.
903
00:23:12,599 --> 00:23:13,350
I GOTTA GET UP OUTTA HERE."
904
00:23:12,599 --> 00:23:13,350
I GOTTA GET UP OUTTA HERE."
905
00:23:13,433 --> 00:23:15,602
I'M TRYING TO SNEAK OUT AND ALL.
906
00:23:15,685 --> 00:23:17,938
BUT THE GUYS, THEY WERE JUST IN
907
00:23:18,021 --> 00:23:20,857
THERE LOOKING AT IT.
908
00:23:18,021 --> 00:23:20,857
THERE LOOKING AT IT.
909
00:23:20,941 --> 00:23:22,943
AND IT'S NOT LIKE THEY WERE LIKE
910
00:23:23,026 --> 00:23:25,362
WEIRD LOOKIN' FREAKY GUYS.
911
00:23:23,026 --> 00:23:25,362
WEIRD LOOKIN' FREAKY GUYS.
912
00:23:25,445 --> 00:23:28,240
THEY WERE JUST YOUR REGULAR
913
00:23:28,323 --> 00:23:30,534
AVERAGE LOOKIN' GUY.
914
00:23:30,617 --> 00:23:32,202
BUT THEY JUST NEEDED TO LOOK AT
915
00:23:30,617 --> 00:23:32,202
BUT THEY JUST NEEDED TO LOOK AT
916
00:23:32,285 --> 00:23:33,120
IT.
917
00:23:33,203 --> 00:23:34,329
AND THAT'S WHEN I HAD A WHOLE
918
00:23:34,413 --> 00:23:35,872
NEW RESPECT FOR MEN.
919
00:23:35,956 --> 00:23:37,415
I WAS LIKE, BOY, BECAUSE THAT
920
00:23:35,956 --> 00:23:37,415
I WAS LIKE, BOY, BECAUSE THAT
921
00:23:37,499 --> 00:23:38,917
MUST BE REALLY HARD BEING A MAN.
922
00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:40,335
YOU KNOW, HAVE THAT THING UP IN
923
00:23:40,418 --> 00:23:41,753
YOUR HEAD MESSIN' WITH YOU ALL
924
00:23:41,837 --> 00:23:42,462
THE TIME.
925
00:23:42,546 --> 00:23:44,423
HOW DO YOU GET ANY WORK DONE?
926
00:23:42,546 --> 00:23:44,423
HOW DO YOU GET ANY WORK DONE?
927
00:23:44,506 --> 00:23:45,632
HOW DO YOU ALL HOLD DOWN JOBS,
928
00:23:45,715 --> 00:23:47,759
MAN?
929
00:23:47,843 --> 00:23:50,762
YOU KNOW, YOU AT WORK, MINDING
930
00:23:47,843 --> 00:23:50,762
YOU KNOW, YOU AT WORK, MINDING
931
00:23:50,846 --> 00:23:52,180
YOUR BUSINESS, AND ALL OF A
932
00:23:52,264 --> 00:23:53,723
SUDDEN THAT THING JUST KICKS IN.
933
00:23:53,807 --> 00:23:56,017
LET'S GO LOOK AT IT.
934
00:23:53,807 --> 00:23:56,017
LET'S GO LOOK AT IT.
935
00:23:56,101 --> 00:23:59,229
(LAUGHTER)
936
00:23:59,312 --> 00:24:01,356
COME ON, MAN.
937
00:23:59,312 --> 00:24:01,356
COME ON, MAN.
938
00:24:01,439 --> 00:24:03,859
WHEN'S THE LAST TIME WE SEEN IT?
939
00:24:03,942 --> 00:24:05,569
LET'S GO LOOK AT IT.
940
00:24:05,652 --> 00:24:07,487
I'M GLAD WOMEN DON'T HAVE ANY
941
00:24:05,652 --> 00:24:07,487
I'M GLAD WOMEN DON'T HAVE ANY
942
00:24:07,571 --> 00:24:09,322
ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS LIKE THAT.
943
00:24:09,406 --> 00:24:10,240
BECAUSE WE DON'T HAVE ANY ROOM
944
00:24:10,323 --> 00:24:10,532
FOR 'EM.
945
00:24:10,615 --> 00:24:11,366
WE DON'T HAVE ANY ROOM FOR
946
00:24:11,449 --> 00:24:13,285
ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS.
947
00:24:11,449 --> 00:24:13,285
ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS.
948
00:24:13,368 --> 00:24:14,369
THAT'S ALL WOMEN DO IS THINK.
949
00:24:14,452 --> 00:24:15,912
WE ARE THINKERS.
950
00:24:15,996 --> 00:24:17,080
THINK ALL THE TIME.
951
00:24:17,164 --> 00:24:17,581
RIGHT?
952
00:24:17,664 --> 00:24:21,168
(APPLAUSE)
953
00:24:17,664 --> 00:24:21,168
(APPLAUSE)
954
00:24:21,251 --> 00:24:22,294
CAN'T STOP THINKING.
955
00:24:22,377 --> 00:24:23,753
THINK, THINK, THINK.
956
00:24:23,837 --> 00:24:24,963
CAN'T STOP THINKIN'.
957
00:24:25,046 --> 00:24:25,839
LADIES, HAVE YOU EVER REMEMBERED
958
00:24:25,046 --> 00:24:25,839
LADIES, HAVE YOU EVER REMEMBERED
959
00:24:25,922 --> 00:24:27,090
A TIME WHEN YOU HAD A MOMENT OF
960
00:24:27,174 --> 00:24:29,259
SILENCE IN YOUR HEAD?
961
00:24:29,342 --> 00:24:30,468
DOESN'T HAPPEN, DOES IT?
962
00:24:30,552 --> 00:24:31,553
NO.
963
00:24:30,552 --> 00:24:31,553
NO.
964
00:24:31,636 --> 00:24:33,013
ALWAYS THINKING.
965
00:24:33,096 --> 00:24:33,638
SOMETIMES YOU CAN'T EVEN SLEEP,
966
00:24:33,722 --> 00:24:35,765
BECAUSE YOU WON'T SHUT THE HELL
967
00:24:35,849 --> 00:24:37,559
UP.
968
00:24:35,849 --> 00:24:37,559
UP.
969
00:24:37,642 --> 00:24:38,894
YOU IN THE BED AND YOUR MIND
970
00:24:38,977 --> 00:24:40,645
IS JUST RACIN' ABOUT NOTHIN'.
971
00:24:40,729 --> 00:24:41,605
JUST, "MMM, I NEED TO TALK
972
00:24:41,688 --> 00:24:42,439
TO HER TOMORROW, BECAUSE I
973
00:24:42,522 --> 00:24:44,733
DIDN'T LIKE THE WAY SHE SPOKE
974
00:24:42,522 --> 00:24:44,733
DIDN'T LIKE THE WAY SHE SPOKE
975
00:24:44,816 --> 00:24:45,025
TO ME TODAY.
976
00:24:45,108 --> 00:24:45,567
AND I'M NOT GONNA HAVE THIS
977
00:24:45,650 --> 00:24:47,277
UNCOMFORTABLE THING GOING ON
978
00:24:47,360 --> 00:24:48,236
BETWEEN US.
979
00:24:48,320 --> 00:24:49,070
DID I LOCK THE DOOR?
980
00:24:49,154 --> 00:24:50,113
I SHOULD HAVE BOUGHT THOSE
981
00:24:49,154 --> 00:24:50,113
I SHOULD HAVE BOUGHT THOSE
982
00:24:50,197 --> 00:24:50,739
SHOES.
983
00:24:50,822 --> 00:24:52,282
WHERE'S MY HIGH SCHOOL YEARBOOK?
984
00:24:52,365 --> 00:24:53,867
OOOH, WHAT YOU GONNA HAVE FOR
985
00:24:53,950 --> 00:24:54,826
LUNCH TOMORROW?
986
00:24:54,910 --> 00:24:55,952
MMM, I DON'T KNOW.
987
00:24:54,910 --> 00:24:55,952
MMM, I DON'T KNOW.
988
00:24:56,036 --> 00:24:56,953
WHY YOU THINKING ABOUT LUNCH?
989
00:24:57,037 --> 00:24:57,829
YOU NEED TO HAVE A GOOD
990
00:24:57,913 --> 00:24:58,580
BREAKFAST.
991
00:24:58,663 --> 00:24:59,122
THAT'S WHAT I'M GONNA DO.
992
00:24:59,206 --> 00:24:59,748
I'M GONNA START EVERY MORNING
993
00:24:59,831 --> 00:25:01,124
WITH A GOOD BREAKFAST.
994
00:25:01,208 --> 00:25:02,042
MAYBE I'LL START THAT LOW-CARB
995
00:25:01,208 --> 00:25:02,042
MAYBE I'LL START THAT LOW-CARB
996
00:25:02,125 --> 00:25:03,001
DIET.
997
00:25:03,084 --> 00:25:03,877
THAT SEEMS TO BE WORKING FOR A
998
00:25:03,960 --> 00:25:04,711
LOT OF PEOPLE.
999
00:25:04,794 --> 00:25:05,670
WHAT WAS MY THIRD GRADE ENGLISH
1000
00:25:05,754 --> 00:25:07,255
TEACHER'S NAME?
1001
00:25:05,754 --> 00:25:07,255
TEACHER'S NAME?
1002
00:25:07,339 --> 00:25:07,631
WHAT WAS HER NAME?
1003
00:25:07,714 --> 00:25:09,507
MISS JONES.
1004
00:25:09,591 --> 00:25:11,301
MISS JENKINS.
1005
00:25:11,384 --> 00:25:12,886
WHOO!
1006
00:25:12,969 --> 00:25:13,470
IT'S LATE.
1007
00:25:12,969 --> 00:25:13,470
IT'S LATE.
1008
00:25:13,553 --> 00:25:13,929
I NEED TO BE ASLEEP.
1009
00:25:14,012 --> 00:25:15,263
WHAT THE HELL AM I DOIN' UP?
1010
00:25:15,347 --> 00:25:15,597
I DON'T KNOW.
1011
00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:17,432
LET ME THINK ABOUT IT."
1012
00:25:17,515 --> 00:25:23,021
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
1013
00:25:17,515 --> 00:25:23,021
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
1014
00:25:29,694 --> 00:25:32,364
THAT'S WHY I ENVY MEN.
1015
00:25:29,694 --> 00:25:32,364
THAT'S WHY I ENVY MEN.
1016
00:25:32,447 --> 00:25:33,531
MAN, I WISH I COULD THINK LIKE
1017
00:25:33,615 --> 00:25:35,158
A GUY.
1018
00:25:35,242 --> 00:25:36,034
BECAUSE GUYS, THEY DON'T SPEND
1019
00:25:36,117 --> 00:25:36,743
ALL THAT TIME, THINKING.
1020
00:25:36,826 --> 00:25:37,869
MAN, THEY THINK ABOUT IT,
1021
00:25:36,826 --> 00:25:37,869
MAN, THEY THINK ABOUT IT,
1022
00:25:37,953 --> 00:25:39,412
THOUGHT ABOUT IT, MOVIN' ON.
1023
00:25:39,496 --> 00:25:41,498
THAT'S IT.
1024
00:25:41,581 --> 00:25:42,999
THAT'S WHY THEY ENJOY SPORTS.
1025
00:25:43,083 --> 00:25:43,625
BECAUSE YOU AIN'T GOTTA THINK
1026
00:25:43,083 --> 00:25:43,625
BECAUSE YOU AIN'T GOTTA THINK
1027
00:25:43,708 --> 00:25:44,626
ABOUT IT.
1028
00:25:44,709 --> 00:25:45,502
IT'S CUT AND DRY.
1029
00:25:45,585 --> 00:25:47,379
EITHER YOU GOT THE BASKET OR YOU
1030
00:25:47,462 --> 00:25:47,629
DIDN'T.
1031
00:25:47,712 --> 00:25:48,546
EITHER YOU MADE THE TOUCHDOWN
1032
00:25:48,630 --> 00:25:49,673
OR YOU DIDN'T.
1033
00:25:48,630 --> 00:25:49,673
OR YOU DIDN'T.
1034
00:25:49,756 --> 00:25:51,591
IF THERE'S ANY QUESTION ABOUT
1035
00:25:51,675 --> 00:25:52,842
IT, THERE'S A REFEREE RIGHT
1036
00:25:52,926 --> 00:25:54,135
THERE TO SORT IT ALL OUT FOR
1037
00:25:54,219 --> 00:25:55,845
'EM.
1038
00:25:54,219 --> 00:25:55,845
'EM.
1039
00:25:55,929 --> 00:25:57,722
AFTER FURTHER REVIEW, PLAY
1040
00:25:57,806 --> 00:25:59,766
STANDS AS CALLED "TOUCHDOWN".
1041
00:25:59,849 --> 00:26:01,601
STOP THINKING.
1042
00:25:59,849 --> 00:26:01,601
STOP THINKING.
1043
00:26:01,685 --> 00:26:02,060
OKAY, THANK YOU, MAN.
1044
00:26:02,143 --> 00:26:02,477
THANK YOU.
1045
00:26:02,560 --> 00:26:03,561
WHOO!
1046
00:26:03,645 --> 00:26:06,189
I AIN'T GONNA-- OKAY.
1047
00:26:06,273 --> 00:26:08,024
NOW, I AIN'T GONNA DO ALL THAT
1048
00:26:06,273 --> 00:26:08,024
NOW, I AIN'T GONNA DO ALL THAT
1049
00:26:08,108 --> 00:26:09,276
THINKIN'.
1050
00:26:09,359 --> 00:26:12,362
BUT WOMEN-- WOMEN, WE THINK ALL
1051
00:26:12,445 --> 00:26:13,697
THE TIME.
1052
00:26:12,445 --> 00:26:13,697
THE TIME.
1053
00:26:13,780 --> 00:26:15,490
TALK ALL THE TIME.
1054
00:26:15,573 --> 00:26:17,993
BUT IT'S SO HARD FOR US TO
1055
00:26:18,076 --> 00:26:20,078
ARTICULATE EXACTLY WHAT WE WANT,
1056
00:26:18,076 --> 00:26:20,078
ARTICULATE EXACTLY WHAT WE WANT,
1057
00:26:20,161 --> 00:26:23,707
WHAT WE NEED, WHAT HOW WE FEEL.
1058
00:26:23,790 --> 00:26:25,250
YOU KNOW, HARD FOR US TO BE
1059
00:26:25,333 --> 00:26:26,251
DIRECT.
1060
00:26:26,334 --> 00:26:27,419
BECAUSE IF WE DO, WE RUN THE
1061
00:26:27,502 --> 00:26:29,045
RISK OF BEING CALLED A BITCH.
1062
00:26:29,129 --> 00:26:30,964
RIGHT?
1063
00:26:31,047 --> 00:26:32,215
SO, WE GOTTA BE A LITTLE TRICKY.
1064
00:26:31,047 --> 00:26:32,215
SO, WE GOTTA BE A LITTLE TRICKY.
1065
00:26:32,299 --> 00:26:34,259
GOTTA BE A LITTLE SLICK?
1066
00:26:34,342 --> 00:26:36,678
INSTEAD OF COMING OUT AND JUST
1067
00:26:36,761 --> 00:26:37,929
TELLIN' YOU SOMETHING OR ASKIN'
1068
00:26:36,761 --> 00:26:37,929
TELLIN' YOU SOMETHING OR ASKIN'
1069
00:26:38,013 --> 00:26:39,264
YOU SOMETHING, WE'D RATHER GIVE
1070
00:26:39,347 --> 00:26:40,807
YOU A TEST.
1071
00:26:40,890 --> 00:26:43,560
OH, WE SOME TESTIN' PEOPLE,
1072
00:26:40,890 --> 00:26:43,560
OH, WE SOME TESTIN' PEOPLE,
1073
00:26:43,643 --> 00:26:45,603
AREN'T WE?
1074
00:26:45,687 --> 00:26:47,314
BOY, SAT'S, THEY AIN'T GOT
1075
00:26:47,397 --> 00:26:47,647
NOTHING ON US.
1076
00:26:47,731 --> 00:26:52,444
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
1077
00:26:47,731 --> 00:26:52,444
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
1078
00:26:52,527 --> 00:26:54,487
OH, WOMEN WILL GIVE YOU A TEST,
1079
00:26:54,571 --> 00:26:54,654
BOY.
1080
00:26:54,738 --> 00:26:55,739
AND, FELLAS, DO YOU KNOW THAT WE
1081
00:26:54,738 --> 00:26:55,739
AND, FELLAS, DO YOU KNOW THAT WE
1082
00:26:55,822 --> 00:26:59,826
FAIL YOU AT TESTS THAT YOU DON'T
1083
00:26:59,909 --> 00:27:01,828
EVEN KNOW YOU'RE TAKIN'?
1084
00:26:59,909 --> 00:27:01,828
EVEN KNOW YOU'RE TAKIN'?
1085
00:27:01,911 --> 00:27:05,957
FAILIN' MISERABLY.
1086
00:27:06,041 --> 00:27:07,542
GETTIN' A BIG F, AND YOU DON'T
1087
00:27:06,041 --> 00:27:07,542
GETTIN' A BIG F, AND YOU DON'T
1088
00:27:07,625 --> 00:27:09,044
EVEN KNOW THE TEST IS IN
1089
00:27:09,127 --> 00:27:11,254
PROGRESS.
1090
00:27:11,338 --> 00:27:12,756
HOW UNFAIR IS THAT?
1091
00:27:12,839 --> 00:27:14,632
EVERYDAY SIMPLE STUFF, TOO.
1092
00:27:12,839 --> 00:27:14,632
EVERYDAY SIMPLE STUFF, TOO.
1093
00:27:14,716 --> 00:27:17,302
OKAY, HERE'S THE SITUATION.
1094
00:27:17,385 --> 00:27:19,095
GUYS.
1095
00:27:19,179 --> 00:27:19,721
SAY YOU GET HOME FIRST, RIGHT,
1096
00:27:19,179 --> 00:27:19,721
SAY YOU GET HOME FIRST, RIGHT,
1097
00:27:19,804 --> 00:27:21,681
THERE'S A FEW DISHES IN THE
1098
00:27:21,765 --> 00:27:21,890
SINK.
1099
00:27:21,973 --> 00:27:24,392
YEAH.
1100
00:27:24,476 --> 00:27:25,435
YOU DON'T EVEN BOTHER WASHIN'
1101
00:27:24,476 --> 00:27:25,435
YOU DON'T EVEN BOTHER WASHIN'
1102
00:27:25,518 --> 00:27:26,186
THE DISHES.
1103
00:27:26,269 --> 00:27:27,604
YOU CHILL READING THE PAPER,
1104
00:27:27,687 --> 00:27:28,480
WHATEVER.
1105
00:27:28,563 --> 00:27:29,356
SHE COMES HOME SEES THE DISHES,
1106
00:27:29,439 --> 00:27:30,231
SEES YOU CHILLIN', SHE AIN'T
1107
00:27:30,315 --> 00:27:31,441
GONNA SAY ANYTHING.
1108
00:27:30,315 --> 00:27:31,441
GONNA SAY ANYTHING.
1109
00:27:31,524 --> 00:27:33,777
BUT IT GETS DOWNLOADED.
1110
00:27:33,860 --> 00:27:35,695
SHE GONNA CREATE A LITTLE
1111
00:27:35,779 --> 00:27:38,448
FOLDER.
1112
00:27:35,779 --> 00:27:38,448
FOLDER.
1113
00:27:38,531 --> 00:27:40,367
GONNA BE A LITTLE ICON WITH YOUR
1114
00:27:40,450 --> 00:27:43,078
FACE ON IT.
1115
00:27:43,161 --> 00:27:45,455
(LAUGHTER)
1116
00:27:43,161 --> 00:27:45,455
(LAUGHTER)
1117
00:27:45,538 --> 00:27:47,040
AND IT'S GONNA SAY, "DISHES."
1118
00:27:47,123 --> 00:27:48,083
AND SHE-- (BOOP)-- RIGHT UP
1119
00:27:48,166 --> 00:27:49,459
THERE.
1120
00:27:48,166 --> 00:27:49,459
THERE.
1121
00:27:49,542 --> 00:27:51,878
THREE MORE DAYS, AND THAT SAME
1122
00:27:51,961 --> 00:27:53,838
MESS GOES ON.
1123
00:27:53,922 --> 00:27:55,006
SHE COMES HOME, SEES YOU
1124
00:27:55,090 --> 00:27:55,840
CHILLIN', SHE AIN'T GONNA SAY
1125
00:27:55,090 --> 00:27:55,840
CHILLIN', SHE AIN'T GONNA SAY
1126
00:27:55,924 --> 00:27:56,800
ANYTHING.
1127
00:27:56,883 --> 00:27:57,675
THAT FOURTH DAY, SHE COMES HOME,
1128
00:27:57,759 --> 00:27:58,593
SEES YOU CHILLIN', SHE GONNA
1129
00:27:58,676 --> 00:28:00,345
DOUBLE-CLICK RIGHT ON YOUR FACE.
1130
00:28:00,428 --> 00:28:01,513
CLICK-CLICK.
1131
00:28:00,428 --> 00:28:01,513
CLICK-CLICK.
1132
00:28:01,596 --> 00:28:03,515
(LAUGHTER)
1133
00:28:03,598 --> 00:28:04,432
OPEN UP THE FOLDER.
1134
00:28:04,516 --> 00:28:05,809
LET ME THINK ABOUT WHAT THIS MAN
1135
00:28:05,892 --> 00:28:08,103
IS TRYING TO TELL ME.
1136
00:28:05,892 --> 00:28:08,103
IS TRYING TO TELL ME.
1137
00:28:08,186 --> 00:28:09,312
WHAT IS THIS MAN TELLIN' ME?
1138
00:28:09,396 --> 00:28:10,188
WHAT IS HE SAYIN'?
1139
00:28:10,271 --> 00:28:11,231
IS HE TRYIN' TO TELL ME THAT I'M
1140
00:28:11,314 --> 00:28:12,899
THE LITTLE DISHWASHER AROUND
1141
00:28:12,982 --> 00:28:13,900
HERE?
1142
00:28:12,982 --> 00:28:13,900
HERE?
1143
00:28:13,983 --> 00:28:14,067
HUH?
1144
00:28:14,150 --> 00:28:15,443
IS HE TELLIN' ME THAT WASHIN'
1145
00:28:15,527 --> 00:28:16,486
DISHES; THAT'S BENEATH HIM?
1146
00:28:16,569 --> 00:28:17,445
BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT?
1147
00:28:17,529 --> 00:28:18,488
I WORK HARD EVERY DAY, TOO.
1148
00:28:18,571 --> 00:28:19,114
MAYBE I'D LIKE TO COME HOME TO A
1149
00:28:19,197 --> 00:28:20,824
CLEAN SINK, AND GO AHEAD AND
1150
00:28:19,197 --> 00:28:20,824
CLEAN SINK, AND GO AHEAD AND
1151
00:28:20,907 --> 00:28:21,616
START ME EV-- YOU KNOW WHAT?
1152
00:28:21,699 --> 00:28:23,493
I WAS NOT PUT ON THIS EARTH TO
1153
00:28:23,576 --> 00:28:24,327
WASH HIS DIRTY DISHES.
1154
00:28:24,411 --> 00:28:25,537
I TELL YOU WHAT.
1155
00:28:24,411 --> 00:28:25,537
I TELL YOU WHAT.
1156
00:28:25,620 --> 00:28:26,663
I'M NOT GONNA WASH ANOTHER
1157
00:28:26,746 --> 00:28:27,997
DAMN DISH.
1158
00:28:28,081 --> 00:28:30,917
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
1159
00:28:39,092 --> 00:28:40,844
AND I'M GONNA SEE HOW LONG HE'S
1160
00:28:40,927 --> 00:28:43,263
GONNA LET THESE DISHES PILE UP
1161
00:28:40,927 --> 00:28:43,263
GONNA LET THESE DISHES PILE UP
1162
00:28:43,346 --> 00:28:45,765
BEFORE HE'LL WASH 'EM.
1163
00:28:45,849 --> 00:28:47,976
THREE WEEKS GOES BY.
1164
00:28:48,059 --> 00:28:49,727
NOW, SHE'S SO PISSED SHE CAN'T
1165
00:28:48,059 --> 00:28:49,727
NOW, SHE'S SO PISSED SHE CAN'T
1166
00:28:49,811 --> 00:28:52,188
EVEN SEE STRAIGHT.
1167
00:28:52,272 --> 00:28:54,149
BECAUSE Y'ALL WALKING AROUND
1168
00:28:54,232 --> 00:28:54,774
THE HOUSE EATING OFF OF NAPKINS
1169
00:28:54,858 --> 00:28:57,527
WITH TOOTHPICKS.
1170
00:28:54,858 --> 00:28:57,527
WITH TOOTHPICKS.
1171
00:28:57,610 --> 00:28:59,654
(LAUGHTER)
1172
00:28:59,737 --> 00:29:00,280
AIN'T A DAMN THING CLEAN IN THE
1173
00:29:00,363 --> 00:29:01,823
HOUSE.
1174
00:29:00,363 --> 00:29:01,823
HOUSE.
1175
00:29:01,906 --> 00:29:03,992
AND, FELLAS, YOU DON'T CARE,
1176
00:29:04,075 --> 00:29:04,742
BECAUSE YOU LIKE, SHOOT, THIS IS
1177
00:29:04,826 --> 00:29:06,786
HOW I LIVED BEFORE I MET YOUR
1178
00:29:06,870 --> 00:29:08,163
ASS.
1179
00:29:06,870 --> 00:29:08,163
ASS.
1180
00:29:08,246 --> 00:29:11,958
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
1181
00:29:12,041 --> 00:29:14,878
WELCOME TO MY WORLD.
1182
00:29:12,041 --> 00:29:14,878
WELCOME TO MY WORLD.
1183
00:29:14,961 --> 00:29:19,466
(LAUGHTER CONTINUES)
1184
00:29:14,961 --> 00:29:19,466
(LAUGHTER CONTINUES)
1185
00:29:19,549 --> 00:29:20,758
OH, BUT IT DOESN'T END THERE,
1186
00:29:20,842 --> 00:29:24,262
DOES IT?
1187
00:29:24,345 --> 00:29:24,762
OH, NO.
1188
00:29:24,846 --> 00:29:25,763
UH-UH.
1189
00:29:24,846 --> 00:29:25,763
UH-UH.
1190
00:29:25,847 --> 00:29:27,640
YOU JUST AT THE GATES OF HELL
1191
00:29:27,724 --> 00:29:28,892
RIGHT NOW, FELLAS.
1192
00:29:28,975 --> 00:29:29,893
YOU AIN'T IN THE FIRE YET.
1193
00:29:29,976 --> 00:29:31,311
NO.
1194
00:29:29,976 --> 00:29:31,311
NO.
1195
00:29:31,394 --> 00:29:32,812
BECAUSE WITH WOMEN, SOMETHING
1196
00:29:32,896 --> 00:29:33,855
THAT WE'RE PISSED ABOUT IN THE
1197
00:29:33,938 --> 00:29:35,356
KITCHEN, IT'S GONNA WALK IT'S
1198
00:29:35,440 --> 00:29:35,899
WAY RIGHT DOWN THE HALLWAY,
1199
00:29:35,982 --> 00:29:39,027
INTO YOUR BEDROOM.
1200
00:29:35,982 --> 00:29:39,027
INTO YOUR BEDROOM.
1201
00:29:39,110 --> 00:29:41,571
AND GUYS, YOU DON'T KNOW.
1202
00:29:41,654 --> 00:29:42,947
YOU HAVE NO IDEA.
1203
00:29:43,031 --> 00:29:44,157
SO, YOU GET IN THE BED, TRYING
1204
00:29:43,031 --> 00:29:44,157
SO, YOU GET IN THE BED, TRYING
1205
00:29:44,240 --> 00:29:45,575
TO BE ALL INTIMATE TRYING TO GET
1206
00:29:45,658 --> 00:29:46,117
A LITTLE SOMETHING GOING,
1207
00:29:46,201 --> 00:29:47,452
YOU KNOW.
1208
00:29:47,535 --> 00:29:48,870
DOING YOUR LITTLE POKIN' THING
1209
00:29:48,953 --> 00:29:50,705
THERE.
1210
00:29:48,953 --> 00:29:50,705
THERE.
1211
00:29:50,788 --> 00:29:54,626
(LAUGHTER)
1212
00:29:54,709 --> 00:29:55,460
YOU IN THERE BEHAVIN' LIKE AN
1213
00:29:54,709 --> 00:29:55,460
YOU IN THERE BEHAVIN' LIKE AN
1214
00:29:55,543 --> 00:29:55,752
'A' STUDENT.
1215
00:29:55,835 --> 00:30:00,381
DON'T KNOW YOU GOT A BIG-ASS F.
1216
00:30:00,465 --> 00:30:01,925
YOU IN THERE POKIN' AND SHE JUST
1217
00:30:00,465 --> 00:30:01,925
YOU IN THERE POKIN' AND SHE JUST
1218
00:30:02,008 --> 00:30:03,593
SNAPS ON YOUR ASS.
1219
00:30:03,676 --> 00:30:08,598
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
1220
00:30:03,676 --> 00:30:08,598
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
1221
00:30:17,398 --> 00:30:22,487
(CHEERING)
1222
00:30:17,398 --> 00:30:22,487
(CHEERING)
1223
00:30:22,570 --> 00:30:24,864
AND NOW, YOU IN THE BED FELLAS
1224
00:30:24,948 --> 00:30:26,199
WITH CRACKED RIBS.
1225
00:30:24,948 --> 00:30:26,199
WITH CRACKED RIBS.
1226
00:30:26,282 --> 00:30:27,158
SHE DONE KNOCKED YOUR TOOTH
1227
00:30:27,242 --> 00:30:28,284
LOOSE.
1228
00:30:28,368 --> 00:30:29,577
AND YOU'RE LIKE, "WHAT THE HELL
1229
00:30:29,661 --> 00:30:30,578
IS YOUR PROBLEM?
1230
00:30:30,662 --> 00:30:31,621
WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?"
1231
00:30:30,662 --> 00:30:31,621
WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?"
1232
00:30:31,704 --> 00:30:33,790
"WHAT, WHAT, WHAT, WHAT...
1233
00:30:33,873 --> 00:30:34,958
WHAT IS MY PROBLEM?
1234
00:30:35,041 --> 00:30:36,167
WHAT'S MY PROBLEM?
1235
00:30:36,251 --> 00:30:36,918
YOU'RE JUST ALL MR. ENERGY
1236
00:30:37,001 --> 00:30:37,877
TONIGHT, HUH?
1237
00:30:37,001 --> 00:30:37,877
TONIGHT, HUH?
1238
00:30:37,961 --> 00:30:38,753
OH, YOU'RE JUST BUBBLING WITH
1239
00:30:38,836 --> 00:30:39,671
ENERGY.
1240
00:30:39,754 --> 00:30:40,505
YOU'RE IN HERE RUBBING ON ME,
1241
00:30:40,588 --> 00:30:41,130
AND TOUCHING MY ASS.
1242
00:30:41,214 --> 00:30:42,006
BUT YOU CAN'T WASH A
1243
00:30:42,090 --> 00:30:42,799
(BLEEP)-DAMN GLASS?
1244
00:30:42,882 --> 00:30:48,096
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
1245
00:30:42,882 --> 00:30:48,096
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
1246
00:30:48,179 --> 00:30:49,138
WHY DON'T I GO SIT IN THE DISH
1247
00:30:49,222 --> 00:30:50,306
RACK, SEE IF YOU NOTICE ME THEN,
1248
00:30:49,222 --> 00:30:50,306
RACK, SEE IF YOU NOTICE ME THEN,
1249
00:30:50,390 --> 00:30:51,558
HUH?"
1250
00:30:51,641 --> 00:30:55,645
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
1251
00:30:51,641 --> 00:30:55,645
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
1252
00:30:55,728 --> 00:30:58,022
GET OFF OF ME!
1253
00:31:08,992 --> 00:31:10,034
WANDA SYKES>> YOU KNOW WHAT?
1254
00:31:08,992 --> 00:31:10,034
WANDA SYKES>> YOU KNOW WHAT?
1255
00:31:10,118 --> 00:31:10,868
I THINK MARRIAGE IS AN
1256
00:31:10,952 --> 00:31:11,911
INSTITUTION FOR RAISING
1257
00:31:11,995 --> 00:31:12,996
CHILDREN.
1258
00:31:13,079 --> 00:31:13,871
THAT'S ABOUT IT.
1259
00:31:13,955 --> 00:31:16,082
I DON'T SEE THE OTHER PERKS,
1260
00:31:13,955 --> 00:31:16,082
I DON'T SEE THE OTHER PERKS,
1261
00:31:16,165 --> 00:31:17,250
MYSELF.
1262
00:31:17,333 --> 00:31:19,669
(LAUGHTER)
1263
00:31:19,752 --> 00:31:20,753
THAT'S THE ONLY REASON TO GET
1264
00:31:20,837 --> 00:31:21,754
MARRIED.
1265
00:31:21,838 --> 00:31:22,297
WELL, UNLESS YOU'RE SICKLY.
1266
00:31:21,838 --> 00:31:22,297
WELL, UNLESS YOU'RE SICKLY.
1267
00:31:22,380 --> 00:31:24,299
IF YOU'RE SICKLY, THEN--
1268
00:31:24,382 --> 00:31:25,091
YOU KNOW.
1269
00:31:25,174 --> 00:31:27,844
(LAUGHTER)
1270
00:31:27,927 --> 00:31:29,721
YOU KNOW, GET MARRIED, HAVE
1271
00:31:29,804 --> 00:31:30,471
SOMEBODY TAKE CARE OF YOUR
1272
00:31:30,555 --> 00:31:31,180
SICK ASS.
1273
00:31:31,264 --> 00:31:33,725
YOU KNOW.
1274
00:31:33,808 --> 00:31:37,729
(LAUGHTER CONTINUES)
1275
00:31:33,808 --> 00:31:37,729
(LAUGHTER CONTINUES)
1276
00:31:37,812 --> 00:31:38,313
BUT OTHER THAN THAT, IT'S JUST
1277
00:31:38,396 --> 00:31:39,856
FOR RAISING KIDS.
1278
00:31:39,939 --> 00:31:41,441
BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHY?
1279
00:31:41,524 --> 00:31:42,525
THIS IS WHAT I BELIEVE.
1280
00:31:42,609 --> 00:31:43,318
I THINK WHEN YOU GET MARRIED
1281
00:31:43,401 --> 00:31:44,444
YOU'RE GOING INTO BUSINESS
1282
00:31:44,527 --> 00:31:45,570
TOGETHER.
1283
00:31:45,653 --> 00:31:46,404
YOU'RE DOING-- YOU'RE OPENING
1284
00:31:45,653 --> 00:31:46,404
YOU'RE DOING-- YOU'RE OPENING
1285
00:31:46,487 --> 00:31:47,447
A BUSINESS, RIGHT?
1286
00:31:47,530 --> 00:31:48,489
IN ALL BUSINESS, YOU HAVE TO
1287
00:31:48,573 --> 00:31:49,782
HAVE A PRODUCT.
1288
00:31:49,866 --> 00:31:50,950
GOTTA PRODUCE SOMETHING.
1289
00:31:51,034 --> 00:31:52,118
WHY ARE YOU IN BUSINESS?
1290
00:31:51,034 --> 00:31:52,118
WHY ARE YOU IN BUSINESS?
1291
00:31:52,201 --> 00:31:53,578
SEE WE WERE MARRIED SEVEN YEARS,
1292
00:31:53,661 --> 00:31:53,953
NO KIDS.
1293
00:31:54,037 --> 00:31:56,164
SO, WE WENT OUTTA BUSINESS.
1294
00:31:56,247 --> 00:32:00,084
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
1295
00:31:56,247 --> 00:32:00,084
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
1296
00:32:00,168 --> 00:32:02,003
NO INVENTORY.
1297
00:32:02,086 --> 00:32:05,715
I DIDN'T GET IT 'CAUSE TO ME
1298
00:32:02,086 --> 00:32:05,715
I DIDN'T GET IT 'CAUSE TO ME
1299
00:32:05,798 --> 00:32:07,759
IT WAS LIKE THIS.
1300
00:32:07,842 --> 00:32:07,967
OKAY.
1301
00:32:08,051 --> 00:32:09,010
I WAS TAKING CARE OF MYSELF
1302
00:32:09,093 --> 00:32:11,471
BEFORE I MET YOU.
1303
00:32:09,093 --> 00:32:11,471
BEFORE I MET YOU.
1304
00:32:11,554 --> 00:32:12,847
YOU WERE TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF
1305
00:32:12,930 --> 00:32:14,682
BEFORE YOU MET ME.
1306
00:32:14,766 --> 00:32:15,850
LET'S JUST CONTINUE DOWN THIS
1307
00:32:15,933 --> 00:32:16,934
SAME PATH.
1308
00:32:17,018 --> 00:32:18,019
YOU KNOW, LET'S BE TOGETHER
1309
00:32:18,102 --> 00:32:20,772
SEPARATELY.
1310
00:32:20,855 --> 00:32:22,357
THAT WAS WORKING FOR ME.
1311
00:32:20,855 --> 00:32:22,357
THAT WAS WORKING FOR ME.
1312
00:32:22,440 --> 00:32:23,608
BUT HE WOULD COME HOME AND JUST
1313
00:32:23,691 --> 00:32:24,442
STAY STUFF TO ME THAT I JUST
1314
00:32:24,525 --> 00:32:25,777
DIDN'T UNDERSTAND.
1315
00:32:25,860 --> 00:32:26,361
HE WOULD WALK IN THE DOOR--
1316
00:32:26,444 --> 00:32:29,155
"AH, WHAT'S FOR DINNER?"
1317
00:32:26,444 --> 00:32:29,155
"AH, WHAT'S FOR DINNER?"
1318
00:32:29,238 --> 00:32:30,990
"I DON'T KNOW, WHAT'D YOU COOK?"
1319
00:32:31,074 --> 00:32:33,618
(LAUGHTER)
1320
00:32:33,701 --> 00:32:33,951
I ATE ALREADY.
1321
00:32:33,701 --> 00:32:33,951
I ATE ALREADY.
1322
00:32:34,035 --> 00:32:36,704
I'M"--
1323
00:32:36,788 --> 00:32:40,500
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
1324
00:32:36,788 --> 00:32:40,500
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
1325
00:32:42,752 --> 00:32:43,670
HE WOULD ACTUALLY SAY STUFF LIKE
1326
00:32:43,753 --> 00:32:44,671
THAT.
1327
00:32:44,754 --> 00:32:45,755
HE ACTUALLY SAID THIS ONE TIME.
1328
00:32:45,838 --> 00:32:47,965
"I'M ALL OUTTA CLEAN UNDERWEAR."
1329
00:32:45,838 --> 00:32:47,965
"I'M ALL OUTTA CLEAN UNDERWEAR."
1330
00:32:48,049 --> 00:32:50,218
"OOH, YOU NEED TO WASH.
1331
00:32:50,301 --> 00:32:52,345
(LAUGHTER)
1332
00:32:50,301 --> 00:32:52,345
(LAUGHTER)
1333
00:32:52,428 --> 00:32:52,970
I DID MY LAUNDRY YESTERDAY.
1334
00:32:53,054 --> 00:32:55,556
I GOT A DRAWER FULL OF CLEAN
1335
00:32:55,640 --> 00:32:56,974
PANTIES.
1336
00:32:57,058 --> 00:32:58,601
LOOK AT THERE.
1337
00:32:57,058 --> 00:32:58,601
LOOK AT THERE.
1338
00:32:58,685 --> 00:32:59,644
YOU'RE WELCOME TO BORROW A PAIR
1339
00:32:59,727 --> 00:33:01,437
TO TIDE YOU OVER IF YOU LIKE."
1340
00:33:01,521 --> 00:33:04,607
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
1341
00:33:01,521 --> 00:33:04,607
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
1342
00:33:08,653 --> 00:33:09,112
RAISING KIDS, MAN.
1343
00:33:09,195 --> 00:33:12,156
AND I GET ASKED THAT A LOT, TOO.
1344
00:33:09,195 --> 00:33:12,156
AND I GET ASKED THAT A LOT, TOO.
1345
00:33:12,240 --> 00:33:13,825
PEOPLE SAY, "WELL, DON'T YOU
1346
00:33:13,908 --> 00:33:14,534
REGRET NOT HAVING KIDS?"
1347
00:33:14,617 --> 00:33:15,034
AND I GO, "NOT REALLY."
1348
00:33:15,118 --> 00:33:18,746
AND THEN IF THEY KEEP ASKING,
1349
00:33:15,118 --> 00:33:18,746
AND THEN IF THEY KEEP ASKING,
1350
00:33:18,830 --> 00:33:20,415
I ALWAYS SAY THIS.
1351
00:33:20,498 --> 00:33:21,082
"WELL, YOU KNOW, MAYBE ONE DAY
1352
00:33:21,165 --> 00:33:24,335
I'LL ADOPT."
1353
00:33:21,165 --> 00:33:24,335
I'LL ADOPT."
1354
00:33:24,419 --> 00:33:26,629
BUT I DON'T MEAN THAT.
1355
00:33:26,713 --> 00:33:27,380
I DON'T.
1356
00:33:27,463 --> 00:33:30,550
(LAUGHTER)
1357
00:33:27,463 --> 00:33:30,550
(LAUGHTER)
1358
00:33:30,633 --> 00:33:31,092
IT'S JUST SOMETHING I SAY
1359
00:33:31,175 --> 00:33:33,177
TO MAKE ME SOUND LIKE A NICER
1360
00:33:33,261 --> 00:33:34,804
PERSON, THAT'S ALL.
1361
00:33:33,261 --> 00:33:34,804
PERSON, THAT'S ALL.
1362
00:33:34,887 --> 00:33:35,930
I DON'T MEAN THAT.
1363
00:33:36,013 --> 00:33:40,184
(LAUGHTER)
1364
00:33:36,013 --> 00:33:40,184
(LAUGHTER)
1365
00:33:40,268 --> 00:33:41,018
I GUESS THE WHOLE THING WITH
1366
00:33:41,102 --> 00:33:43,563
KIDS, TOO, I DON'T REALLY THINK
1367
00:33:43,646 --> 00:33:46,065
ABOUT NOT HAVING KIDS 'CAUSE
1368
00:33:43,646 --> 00:33:46,065
ABOUT NOT HAVING KIDS 'CAUSE
1369
00:33:46,149 --> 00:33:48,151
I DON'T HEAR THE CLOCK TICKING.
1370
00:33:48,234 --> 00:33:50,528
TO ME, THE CLOCK STOPPED AT 26.
1371
00:33:50,611 --> 00:33:52,447
YEAH, THIS WHOLE AGING PROCESS
1372
00:33:50,611 --> 00:33:52,447
YEAH, THIS WHOLE AGING PROCESS
1373
00:33:52,530 --> 00:33:54,490
IS MESSING WITH ME, MAN, 'CAUSE
1374
00:33:54,574 --> 00:33:55,116
I STILL FEEL AND THINK THE SAME
1375
00:33:55,199 --> 00:33:57,785
WAY I DID WHEN I WAS 26.
1376
00:33:57,869 --> 00:33:59,829
YOU KNOW, SO I FEEL 26.
1377
00:33:59,912 --> 00:34:01,914
ESPECIALLY AFTER I HAVE A FEW
1378
00:34:01,998 --> 00:34:03,040
DRINKS.
1379
00:34:03,124 --> 00:34:03,875
OH, BOY.
1380
00:34:03,124 --> 00:34:03,875
OH, BOY.
1381
00:34:03,958 --> 00:34:05,668
THEN IT REALLY KICKS IN, RIGHT?
1382
00:34:05,752 --> 00:34:07,128
'CAUSE, BOY, YOU HAVE A FEW
1383
00:34:07,211 --> 00:34:08,629
DRINKS, BOY, YOU FEEL SEXY,
1384
00:34:08,713 --> 00:34:09,130
DON'T YOU?
1385
00:34:09,213 --> 00:34:11,632
I'M SAYING-- "I KNEW I WAS 26.
1386
00:34:09,213 --> 00:34:11,632
I'M SAYING-- "I KNEW I WAS 26.
1387
00:34:11,716 --> 00:34:12,175
I'M--
1388
00:34:12,258 --> 00:34:15,553
(LAUGHTER)
1389
00:34:15,636 --> 00:34:16,554
I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT LYING-ASS
1390
00:34:15,636 --> 00:34:16,554
I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT LYING-ASS
1391
00:34:16,637 --> 00:34:17,138
CALENDAR WAS TALKING ABOUT.
1392
00:34:17,221 --> 00:34:20,600
I'M 26."
1393
00:34:20,683 --> 00:34:21,809
RIGHT?
1394
00:34:21,893 --> 00:34:22,935
'CAUSE YOU FEEL SEXY WHEN YOU
1395
00:34:23,019 --> 00:34:23,311
DRINK, DON'T YOU?
1396
00:34:23,394 --> 00:34:25,772
WHOO, YOU FEEL SEXY WHEN YOU
1397
00:34:25,855 --> 00:34:26,773
DRINK.
1398
00:34:26,856 --> 00:34:27,815
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE DRINKING,
1399
00:34:27,899 --> 00:34:29,317
FEELING SEXY.
1400
00:34:29,400 --> 00:34:31,569
AT THE BAR, TALKING TRASH.
1401
00:34:31,652 --> 00:34:33,112
THEN YOU GO TO THE LADIES' ROOM,
1402
00:34:33,196 --> 00:34:35,323
AND YOU CHECK YOURSELF OUT IN
1403
00:34:33,196 --> 00:34:35,323
AND YOU CHECK YOURSELF OUT IN
1404
00:34:35,406 --> 00:34:36,074
THE MIRROR.
1405
00:34:36,157 --> 00:34:37,950
YOU'RE LIKE, "YEAH.
1406
00:34:38,034 --> 00:34:39,327
DANG."
1407
00:34:39,410 --> 00:34:40,036
(LAUGHTER)
1408
00:34:39,410 --> 00:34:40,036
(LAUGHTER)
1409
00:34:40,119 --> 00:34:42,914
"YOU'S A SEXY BITCH.
1410
00:34:42,997 --> 00:34:45,082
(LAUGHTER)
1411
00:34:45,166 --> 00:34:48,628
"YOU LITTLE SEXY--
1412
00:34:45,166 --> 00:34:48,628
"YOU LITTLE SEXY--
1413
00:34:48,711 --> 00:34:50,087
I'D (BLEEP) YOU.
1414
00:34:50,171 --> 00:34:53,090
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
1415
00:34:50,171 --> 00:34:53,090
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
1416
00:34:53,174 --> 00:34:55,843
WHOO!
1417
00:34:55,927 --> 00:34:56,886
YOU HOT."
1418
00:34:56,969 --> 00:34:59,347
FEEL SEXY, MAN.
1419
00:34:56,969 --> 00:34:59,347
FEEL SEXY, MAN.
1420
00:34:59,430 --> 00:35:01,849
ME AND MY FOUR GIRLFRIENDS--
1421
00:35:01,933 --> 00:35:03,100
WE WENT DOWN TO SOUTH BEACH.
1422
00:35:03,184 --> 00:35:04,894
MAN, HANGING OUT IN MIAMI IN
1423
00:35:03,184 --> 00:35:04,894
MAN, HANGING OUT IN MIAMI IN
1424
00:35:04,977 --> 00:35:06,687
SOUTH BEACH DRINKING.
1425
00:35:06,771 --> 00:35:09,816
WITH OUR LITTLE THONG BIKINIS
1426
00:35:09,899 --> 00:35:11,609
ON, LETTING IT ALL HANG OUT.
1427
00:35:11,692 --> 00:35:12,109
FEELING SEXY.
1428
00:35:12,193 --> 00:35:14,028
FEELING 26.
1429
00:35:14,111 --> 00:35:16,322
UNTIL SOME REAL 26 YEAR OLDS
1430
00:35:14,111 --> 00:35:16,322
UNTIL SOME REAL 26 YEAR OLDS
1431
00:35:16,405 --> 00:35:18,074
WALKS BY.
1432
00:35:18,157 --> 00:35:22,119
(LAUGHTER)
1433
00:35:18,157 --> 00:35:22,119
(LAUGHTER)
1434
00:35:27,708 --> 00:35:29,126
I'LL PUT THAT DOWN.
1435
00:35:27,708 --> 00:35:29,126
I'LL PUT THAT DOWN.
1436
00:35:29,210 --> 00:35:33,172
(LAUGHTER CONTINUES)
1437
00:35:33,256 --> 00:35:37,635
PASS ME MY SURRONG.
1438
00:35:33,256 --> 00:35:37,635
PASS ME MY SURRONG.
1439
00:35:37,718 --> 00:35:40,221
IT GOT WINDY OUT HERE, DIDN'T
1440
00:35:37,718 --> 00:35:40,221
IT GOT WINDY OUT HERE, DIDN'T
1441
00:35:40,304 --> 00:35:42,932
IT?
1442
00:35:43,015 --> 00:35:44,225
A LITTLE 26 YEAR-OLD WIND
1443
00:35:44,308 --> 00:35:45,560
JUST WHIPPED RIGHT THROUGH HERE,
1444
00:35:45,643 --> 00:35:47,270
DIDN'T IT?
1445
00:35:45,643 --> 00:35:47,270
DIDN'T IT?
1446
00:35:57,321 --> 00:35:58,072
WANDA SYKES>> SEE, WOMEN LOVE
1447
00:35:58,155 --> 00:35:58,406
FEELING SEXY.
1448
00:35:58,489 --> 00:36:00,491
WOMEN LOVE FEELING SEXY.
1449
00:36:00,575 --> 00:36:02,243
MEN LIKE HAVING SEX.
1450
00:36:00,575 --> 00:36:02,243
MEN LIKE HAVING SEX.
1451
00:36:02,326 --> 00:36:04,996
THERE'S A BIG DIFFERENCE.
1452
00:36:05,079 --> 00:36:06,163
SEE, MEN DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT
1453
00:36:06,247 --> 00:36:08,749
FEELING SEXY AND NOT HAVING
1454
00:36:06,247 --> 00:36:08,749
FEELING SEXY AND NOT HAVING
1455
00:36:08,833 --> 00:36:10,126
SEX--
1456
00:36:10,209 --> 00:36:11,460
THAT DON'T MAKE ANY SENSE
1457
00:36:11,544 --> 00:36:12,587
TO THEM.
1458
00:36:12,670 --> 00:36:14,005
THEY LIKE-- WAIT A MINUTE.
1459
00:36:14,088 --> 00:36:15,339
YOU FEEL SEXY, BUT YOU DON'T
1460
00:36:14,088 --> 00:36:15,339
YOU FEEL SEXY, BUT YOU DON'T
1461
00:36:15,423 --> 00:36:17,466
WANT TO HAVE SEX.
1462
00:36:17,550 --> 00:36:22,638
(LAUGHTER)
1463
00:36:17,550 --> 00:36:22,638
(LAUGHTER)
1464
00:36:22,722 --> 00:36:26,350
(APPLAUSE)
1465
00:36:22,722 --> 00:36:26,350
(APPLAUSE)
1466
00:36:26,434 --> 00:36:27,351
WELL, THAT'S JUST IMPOSSIBLE.
1467
00:36:27,435 --> 00:36:28,144
I DON'T--
1468
00:36:28,227 --> 00:36:30,521
THAT MAKES ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE.
1469
00:36:30,605 --> 00:36:32,190
'CAUSE GUYS--
1470
00:36:30,605 --> 00:36:32,190
'CAUSE GUYS--
1471
00:36:32,273 --> 00:36:33,566
THEY'RE LIKE--
1472
00:36:33,649 --> 00:36:34,609
YOU CAN'T FEEL ANY SEXIER WHEN
1473
00:36:34,692 --> 00:36:37,486
YOU'RE HAVING SEX.
1474
00:36:37,570 --> 00:36:38,905
THAT'S THE EPITOME OF FEELING
1475
00:36:37,570 --> 00:36:38,905
THAT'S THE EPITOME OF FEELING
1476
00:36:38,988 --> 00:36:40,323
SEXY.
1477
00:36:40,406 --> 00:36:41,282
THE GUYS--
1478
00:36:41,365 --> 00:36:42,116
GUYS ARE LIKE "BABY, YOU JUST
1479
00:36:42,199 --> 00:36:43,284
DON'T KNOW HOW SEXY YOU LOOK IN
1480
00:36:43,367 --> 00:36:44,577
THAT DOGGY POSITION.
1481
00:36:43,367 --> 00:36:44,577
THAT DOGGY POSITION.
1482
00:36:44,660 --> 00:36:45,161
NOW I'M GONNA TELL YOU,
1483
00:36:45,244 --> 00:36:48,915
I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU SO SEXY.
1484
00:36:48,998 --> 00:36:50,374
AND THE WAY THE LIGHT FROM THE
1485
00:36:48,998 --> 00:36:50,374
AND THE WAY THE LIGHT FROM THE
1486
00:36:50,458 --> 00:36:51,250
TV HITS THE SIDE OF YOUR FACE.
1487
00:36:51,334 --> 00:36:57,048
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
1488
00:36:51,334 --> 00:36:57,048
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
1489
00:36:58,382 --> 00:37:01,010
OH, BABY!
1490
00:37:01,093 --> 00:37:02,803
IT'S SO SEXY.
1491
00:37:01,093 --> 00:37:02,803
IT'S SO SEXY.
1492
00:37:13,272 --> 00:37:14,273
BUT I DON'T BLAME GUYS THOUGH.
1493
00:37:13,272 --> 00:37:14,273
BUT I DON'T BLAME GUYS THOUGH.
1494
00:37:14,357 --> 00:37:15,149
'CAUSE WHEN YOU JUST GO LOOK AT
1495
00:37:15,232 --> 00:37:17,151
THE ACT OF SEX, GUYS GOT IT
1496
00:37:17,234 --> 00:37:18,152
MADE.
1497
00:37:18,235 --> 00:37:18,527
Y'ALL REALLY DO.
1498
00:37:18,611 --> 00:37:19,320
LOOK AT THAT.
1499
00:37:19,403 --> 00:37:21,781
EVERY TIME YOU HAVE SEX, MAN,
1500
00:37:19,403 --> 00:37:21,781
EVERY TIME YOU HAVE SEX, MAN,
1501
00:37:21,864 --> 00:37:23,199
YOU'RE GONNA COMPLETE THE ACT
1502
00:37:23,282 --> 00:37:24,408
EVERY TIME.
1503
00:37:24,492 --> 00:37:25,159
LOOK AT THAT.
1504
00:37:25,242 --> 00:37:26,243
FOR GUYS, SEX IS LIKE GOING TO A
1505
00:37:25,242 --> 00:37:26,243
FOR GUYS, SEX IS LIKE GOING TO A
1506
00:37:26,327 --> 00:37:27,912
RESTAURANT AND NO MATTER WHAT
1507
00:37:27,995 --> 00:37:28,412
YOU ORDER OFF THAT MENU,
1508
00:37:28,496 --> 00:37:30,539
YOU WALK OUT OF THERE GOIN'
1509
00:37:30,623 --> 00:37:32,041
"DAMN, THAT WAS GOOD.
1510
00:37:32,124 --> 00:37:33,668
WHOO!
1511
00:37:32,124 --> 00:37:33,668
WHOO!
1512
00:37:33,751 --> 00:37:34,251
WHAT IS THE HELL?
1513
00:37:34,335 --> 00:37:36,337
AH, SHE PUT SOMETHIN' SPECIAL ON
1514
00:37:36,420 --> 00:37:38,714
THAT.
1515
00:37:36,420 --> 00:37:38,714
THAT.
1516
00:37:38,798 --> 00:37:40,841
MY COMPLIMENTS TO THE CHEF.
1517
00:37:40,925 --> 00:37:42,301
GOOD LORD, THAT WAS TASTY.
1518
00:37:42,385 --> 00:37:44,261
I WANT TO EAT HERE THREE, FOUR
1519
00:37:42,385 --> 00:37:44,261
I WANT TO EAT HERE THREE, FOUR
1520
00:37:44,345 --> 00:37:46,222
TIMES A DAY.
1521
00:37:46,305 --> 00:37:47,765
I LOVE THIS.
1522
00:37:47,848 --> 00:37:49,809
(LAUGHTER)
1523
00:37:49,892 --> 00:37:52,103
SEE, BUT WOMEN, IT DON'T WORK
1524
00:37:49,892 --> 00:37:52,103
SEE, BUT WOMEN, IT DON'T WORK
1525
00:37:52,186 --> 00:37:54,271
LIKE THAT FOR US.
1526
00:37:54,355 --> 00:37:56,607
FOR WOMEN, WE GO TO THE
1527
00:37:54,355 --> 00:37:56,607
FOR WOMEN, WE GO TO THE
1528
00:37:56,691 --> 00:37:57,316
RESTAURANT, YOU KNOW, YOU ORDER
1529
00:37:57,400 --> 00:37:59,652
SOMETHING.
1530
00:37:59,735 --> 00:38:01,112
SOMETIMES IT'S GOOD.
1531
00:38:01,195 --> 00:38:03,322
SOMETIMES YOU GOTTA SEND IT
1532
00:38:01,195 --> 00:38:03,322
SOMETIMES YOU GOTTA SEND IT
1533
00:38:03,406 --> 00:38:05,491
BACK.
1534
00:38:05,574 --> 00:38:07,493
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
1535
00:38:13,499 --> 00:38:14,208
SOMETIMES YOU MIGHT GET FOOD
1536
00:38:13,499 --> 00:38:14,208
SOMETIMES YOU MIGHT GET FOOD
1537
00:38:14,291 --> 00:38:15,292
POISONING.
1538
00:38:15,376 --> 00:38:19,297
SEE?
1539
00:38:19,380 --> 00:38:20,423
BUT YOU HAVE THOSE HIT AND
1540
00:38:19,380 --> 00:38:20,423
BUT YOU HAVE THOSE HIT AND
1541
00:38:20,506 --> 00:38:21,257
MISSES.
1542
00:38:21,340 --> 00:38:22,258
YOU GONNA SKIP A FEW MEALS,
1543
00:38:22,341 --> 00:38:23,509
RIGHT?
1544
00:38:23,592 --> 00:38:24,593
OR "I'M NOT HUNGRY TODAY.
1545
00:38:24,677 --> 00:38:29,140
YOU KNOW, I WAS THINKING ABOUT
1546
00:38:24,677 --> 00:38:29,140
YOU KNOW, I WAS THINKING ABOUT
1547
00:38:29,223 --> 00:38:29,557
STARTING MY FAST.
1548
00:38:29,640 --> 00:38:31,892
I THINK IT'S A GOOD TIME."
1549
00:38:31,976 --> 00:38:33,352
OR YOU MIGHT GO "YOU KNOW,
1550
00:38:31,976 --> 00:38:33,352
OR YOU MIGHT GO "YOU KNOW,
1551
00:38:33,436 --> 00:38:35,396
I THINK I'M GONNA COOK FOR
1552
00:38:35,479 --> 00:38:37,023
MYSELF TODAY.
1553
00:38:37,106 --> 00:38:39,900
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
1554
00:38:37,106 --> 00:38:39,900
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
1555
00:38:45,781 --> 00:38:46,949
SOMETHING ABOUT THE WAY I COOK.
1556
00:38:47,033 --> 00:38:48,534
IT'S ALWAYS FILLING.
1557
00:38:48,617 --> 00:38:49,326
MY COOKING STICKS TO YOUR RIBS.
1558
00:38:49,410 --> 00:38:53,039
I JUST LOVE THE WAY I COOK.
1559
00:38:49,410 --> 00:38:53,039
I JUST LOVE THE WAY I COOK.
1560
00:38:53,122 --> 00:38:53,414
AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
1561
00:38:53,497 --> 00:38:54,415
I'M A FAST COOK.
1562
00:38:54,498 --> 00:38:56,500
I'M GONNA TELL YOU.
1563
00:38:54,498 --> 00:38:56,500
I'M GONNA TELL YOU.
1564
00:38:56,584 --> 00:38:58,794
I CAN WHIP 'EM UP.
1565
00:38:58,878 --> 00:39:00,713
TIME IT TAKES YOU TO DO ONE MEAL
1566
00:39:00,796 --> 00:39:02,423
I CAN MAKE THREE.
1567
00:39:00,796 --> 00:39:02,423
I CAN MAKE THREE.
1568
00:39:02,506 --> 00:39:07,136
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
1569
00:39:07,219 --> 00:39:11,015
BUT GUYS, EVERY TIME, MAN.
1570
00:39:07,219 --> 00:39:11,015
BUT GUYS, EVERY TIME, MAN.
1571
00:39:11,098 --> 00:39:13,726
THAT IS AMAZING.
1572
00:39:13,809 --> 00:39:14,935
'CAUSE WOMEN, WE GOT TO GET IN
1573
00:39:13,809 --> 00:39:14,935
'CAUSE WOMEN, WE GOT TO GET IN
1574
00:39:15,019 --> 00:39:15,436
THE MIDDLE OF IT BEFORE WE
1575
00:39:15,519 --> 00:39:17,438
FIGURE OUT IF THE TRAIN'S GONNA
1576
00:39:17,521 --> 00:39:18,814
PULL INTO THE STATION OR NOT,
1577
00:39:18,898 --> 00:39:19,982
RIGHT?
1578
00:39:20,066 --> 00:39:22,234
WE DO.
1579
00:39:20,066 --> 00:39:22,234
WE DO.
1580
00:39:22,318 --> 00:39:23,486
AND THEN GUYS WONDER WHY WE
1581
00:39:23,569 --> 00:39:25,738
FAKE IT.
1582
00:39:25,821 --> 00:39:28,407
IT'S CALL "TIME MANAGEMENT".
1583
00:39:25,821 --> 00:39:28,407
IT'S CALL "TIME MANAGEMENT".
1584
00:39:28,491 --> 00:39:32,661
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
1585
00:39:28,491 --> 00:39:32,661
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
1586
00:39:32,745 --> 00:39:33,662
AIN'T NO NEED TO BE UP ALL NIGHT
1587
00:39:33,746 --> 00:39:34,914
WORKING ON SOMETHING WHEN I KNOW
1588
00:39:34,997 --> 00:39:35,956
THERE HAS BEEN A DERAILMENT DOWN
1589
00:39:36,040 --> 00:39:39,710
THE ROAD.
1590
00:39:36,040 --> 00:39:39,710
THE ROAD.
1591
00:39:39,794 --> 00:39:41,962
I DON'T NEED TO BE UP ALL NIGHT
1592
00:39:42,046 --> 00:39:42,505
WORKING ON SOMETHING I KNOW
1593
00:39:42,588 --> 00:39:44,924
AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN.
1594
00:39:42,588 --> 00:39:44,924
AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN.
1595
00:39:45,007 --> 00:39:45,758
YOU JUST CUTTIN' INTO MY SLEEP
1596
00:39:45,841 --> 00:39:46,801
TIME NOW.
1597
00:39:46,884 --> 00:39:48,511
SHOOT.
1598
00:39:48,594 --> 00:39:49,303
I'M TRYING TO DO US BOTH A
1599
00:39:49,386 --> 00:39:52,014
FAVOR.
1600
00:39:49,386 --> 00:39:52,014
FAVOR.
1601
00:39:52,098 --> 00:39:53,182
EVERY WOMAN HAS BEEN IN THAT
1602
00:39:53,265 --> 00:39:53,474
SITUATION.
1603
00:39:53,557 --> 00:39:55,434
HE'S WORKING HARD TRYIN' TO MAKE
1604
00:39:55,518 --> 00:39:56,936
IT HAPPEN.
1605
00:39:55,518 --> 00:39:56,936
IT HAPPEN.
1606
00:39:57,019 --> 00:39:57,853
YOU ALREADY KNOW IT AIN'T GONNA
1607
00:39:57,937 --> 00:39:59,105
HAPPEN.
1608
00:39:59,188 --> 00:39:59,939
AND YOU GLANCE OVER AT THE
1609
00:40:00,022 --> 00:40:00,773
CLOCK.
1610
00:40:00,856 --> 00:40:03,484
YOU LIKE "SHOOT.
1611
00:40:00,856 --> 00:40:03,484
YOU LIKE "SHOOT.
1612
00:40:03,567 --> 00:40:06,237
IT'S 1:30 IN THE MORNING.
1613
00:40:06,320 --> 00:40:07,780
AND I GOT TO GET UP AT SIX.
1614
00:40:07,863 --> 00:40:11,325
1:30, 2:30, 3:30 4:30...
1615
00:40:07,863 --> 00:40:11,325
1:30, 2:30, 3:30 4:30...
1616
00:40:11,408 --> 00:40:14,495
"AH, THE HELL WITH THIS.
1617
00:40:11,408 --> 00:40:14,495
"AH, THE HELL WITH THIS.
1618
00:40:14,578 --> 00:40:16,622
OH, YES!
1619
00:40:16,705 --> 00:40:18,207
WHOO!
1620
00:40:18,290 --> 00:40:19,708
OH, YES, BABY!
1621
00:40:19,792 --> 00:40:20,543
WHOO!
1622
00:40:19,792 --> 00:40:20,543
WHOO!
1623
00:40:20,626 --> 00:40:22,878
OH!
1624
00:40:22,962 --> 00:40:24,713
OH, HERCULES, HERCULES,
1625
00:40:24,797 --> 00:40:26,132
HERCULES.
1626
00:40:26,215 --> 00:40:29,009
THANK YOU ALL.
1627
00:40:29,426 --> 00:40:30,344
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
1628
00:40:30,427 --> 00:40:32,930
COMEDY CENTRAL.
1629
00:40:30,427 --> 00:40:32,930
COMEDY CENTRAL.
1630
00:40:34,014 --> 00:40:34,932
CAPTIONED BY
1631
00:40:35,015 --> 00:40:37,434
mCCaptioning Services.
94005
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