All language subtitles for VIP s04e18 Miss Con-Jeanie-Ality

All right, fruit wranglers, it's the
staging area.

And a five, six, seven, eight.

You, Daisy Mae, save the do -si -dos for
your next trip to Walmart. This is a B

-U -C pageant.

All right, ladies, right this way. Watch
where you're walking now. Come on. Go.

Keep your eyes in your pockets, hound
dog. Come on, Nick. You've got to

appreciate the finer details of the
female form.

Yeah.

Which details might those be,
Michelangelo?

You know.

Here comes the boss lady. Yeah, Kelly
Vickers, finalist from 97. Let's see

she notes.

VIP, I presume?

At your service. Quick Williams, Nicky
Franco.

You mentioned a problem.

That's an understatement. Luke McCain,
our rig captain, slipped out of his

safety harness and fell from the
scaffolding two days ago.

Police wrote it up as an accidental
death.

So he slipped.

We don't usually get called in on
rigging patrol.

It's just, I can't risk having the
pageant shut down.

We get a lot of corporate sponsors, and
these scholarships mean so much to the

girls.

Hold on, Nick. I think Miss Vickers has
a couple more details.

Maybe some things that the police didn't
hear.

Luke was tying off a new rail just under
the catwalk.

Someone was spotted up there just after
he fell.

Any ideas who?

No. No, the entire crew was accounted
for.

So this Luke Skydiver dude pissed
someone off.

How do you know it's tied to the
pageant? I don't, but I can't take that

That's why I hired you.

If you'll take the job.

All right, then.

We'll make sure nobody else tries taking
flying lessons. Thank you.

Maybe you're right. Maybe it was just an
isolated incident.

Excuse me.

Yeah, that happens sometimes.

Hi, Mr. Meacham. All right. Miss Albany,
Portland, Wichita, Denver, run. Don't

walk. Stay gay. Ladies, opening. Number
of rehearsals. Let's go.

Okay, easy. Don't trip.

Okay, Frankie.

It's me.

I got a lead on Luke McCain's killer.

It was no accident.

No. Don't make a move till I call.

The beautiful and lethal Valerie Irons.

Flux from obscurity to head an elite Los
Angeles bodyguard agency.

They know how to get things done.

Eventually.

Everyone should have a pageant
information packet along with the

Val's plan.

Val has a plan?

I can't stand the suspense.

Whatever it is, we need to stay as close
as possible to keep these girls safe.

Close? Like without all those annoying
clothes in the way?

Well, Val's got the misallergenic part
right.

I'm saying like, hi, just thinking about
this stoking pageant. It's organic, as

in mis... All organic? Whatever.

So let me guess.

Val probably has it going undercover.

She's a judge, Nick is a seamstress
mannequin, Quick's some kind of

and I am fed up.

Actually, you're way far off.

Val and Nicky are contestants.

Quick is a talent agent, and Johnny is
the hairdresser.

Hairdresser? I don't know. Sounds to me
more like Quick kind of thing.

Am I willing to switch?

No way. Val knows my key now for talent.
Just remember, I offered.

Are you sure you got those assignments
right?

I mean, no way am I waving my tail if
I'm half -brained. Come to think of it,

that is kind of a stretch.

What? You saying I can't pull it off?

No.

Small flaw in the master plan, Val, as a
contestant.

Good point.

Valerie Irons does tend to get
recognized.

Fill in that, Val. That covers.

Thank you.

Excuse me.

Yeah,

but Belle is... I am the poor farm girl

from the soybean fields of South Dakota.
There are no soybean fields in South

Dakota. I'm North Dakota, and you're my
trusty fashion sidekick.

Stella, you can't.

It's a safety market. It's a safety
market.

You're so good at making this stuff up.

Here.

You're late.

Kelly's going to dig a hole and plant
your butt in the back row.

Well, I hope there's a lot of fertilizer
because this booty's going for the big

prize.

Elaine, Lola, and this is... Stacey
Marquette.

That's Libby, Mimi, Heather, Patty, and
Mary.

I think she busted out of a convent
before coming here.

Actually, it was Miss Redmond's school
for girls in Joplin, Missouri.

Oh, didn't they give an award for this
push -up?

Are boyfriends allowed?

Oh, no, that's your brother, Greg. I
guess he's out of protection.

For what?

Everything. People will do whatever it
takes to win these contests.

What is so scary about picking out cute
clothes and showing them off? I know,

but it's not what we do every day.

Let's just move to the street now.

Oh, that's right. Look at the chin,
listen for instructions, and look out

dangerous people.

Well done. You made it.

Everyone on stage in five. Entrance
rehearsal.

You, girl?

Shake it.

Well,

what do you think?

I'm just so happy to have that breakfast
for you before I got here.

Come on.

We're just going to help you out real
quick.

If I might make an offer of help.

I have it covered.

Obviously.

However, I am Raynard Beauvoir, and for
the past 12 years in competitions around

the globe, at least one of my girls has
been in the top three.

Really? Well, which one is your girl at
this pageant? Miss Epson?

Mary Hudson?

No, little thin -lipped, mouthy girl.
Come on. Believe me, she lights up the

stage with my help. Wait a second.

How can we be sure that you're not going
to try and make her look worse than she

already does so Mary wins?

All I can say is when I see someone who
needs this much help, I simply must step

in.

Oh, what a pretty boy.

We do have our work cut out for us.

First Luke, now...

Frank Meacham's missing.

Well, he's not the first crew hand in
history to duck work.

No, no, see, Frank's a rock. He's the
first one in and the last out.

Something's definitely wrong.

You called him?

I called him, I paged him, I emailed.

Nothing.

Um, here's his file. I really need to
get things moving on stage.

Till you find him.

So now we're detectives and truant
officers?

If that's what it takes.

We don't think maybe there's a
connection.

Maybe this guy was a hitter.

All right, I'll go follow up on Meacham.
You guys keep an ear to the ground.

The idea?

True artists.

Frank Meacham says you might be looking
for representation.

Frank said that? Oh, yeah. I asked him
all about you.

Figured he'd know the girls best, right?

A little too well. Frank and I are
dating.

Well, lucky, lucky him.

It's a wide and long face.

He stood me up, promised to buy me
lunch.

The closest I've been to food all day is
that big dumb banana.

Meacham hasn't been home in days. His
last two per diem checks are still in

mailbox. You think he hit Luke and
split?

I'd take cash.

I checked his bank. He hasn't used his
account.

Kay says he hasn't used his credit card.
I don't think he ever left the pageant.

Somebody here must have seen something.

We'll talk later.

Don't take this the wrong way, because
I'm an agent.

But I'd sure like to handle you.

Break out the barf bag, Theodore.

Hey, come on. I knew it was you. Huh?

Yeah.

Look, uh, we got a problem.

Seems that, uh, we got somebody else,
uh, that's missing.

Two guys whacked?

We better call Val.

One, two, three, second inch.

Thanks so much, Lola.

Patty, Cal Junction.

Oh, hey, Nick.

I mean, Rose.

What's up?

Val, we got another missing dude.

Keep your eyes open and holler if you
see anything suspicious.

Gotcha. Another missing dude.

And watch out for anybody suspicious.

I think I found somebody.

I think Miss Elaine knows exactly where
the missing guy is.

And so do I.

Well,

the first guy, Luke McCain, died in the
fall in front of everybody.

The time of death on Meacham was 9 a
.m., before you guys arrived.

Here's the full coroner's report.

Thanks. How do you want? You're darn
right.

Anyone finds out I took that, I'll get
my ass kicked so hard I'll go bald.

Why? It's just a coroner's report.

Don't ask me. It came yellow tag for
high security is all I know.

Well, for starters, I suppose it would
have been nice if the coroner's report

had included the deceased's real name.

Interesting. Maybe witness protection?

Didn't Meacham and McCain have records?

Only for meritorious service.

They were FBI.

Hey.

Why were FBI agents at the beauty
patent?

We're going to have to find out.

I know an agent who might fill us in.
Dane.

Clean up and put something tight on.

Me?

Isn't this your cue to set up a secret
rendezvous and trade sex for

Yeah, see, that's just it. Last time
Dane and I got together, only one of us

satisfied. So I think he's holding it
against me. Doesn't want to share

So, you know, you're up.

She knew she was going on first.

She copied me.

Cheater!

Cheater!

Do you want me to make her disappear?

Just say the word.

No. Allow me.

I wish he landed to a cornfield.

Gotta get her back.

This outfit is way too powerful. I'm
gonna go change. You wanna help me? I

to use my alternate talent.

Look at her.

Lola even bleached her hair to look like
me.

Those two are trouble.

I'm scared if I make my hair poke out
funny on the side.

Just remember, get the information up
front.

Then get out of there.

Mind if I play through?

Depends.

What's your handicap?

In our business, the only handicap is
death.

What do you need?

I hear you lost a couple of agents, code
name Meacham and McCain.

You're losing him. Move in.

I'm just someone who can help you with
your stroke.

Is that right?

Mm -hmm.

How much do you know about McCain?

I know that when you're putting from the
friend, you should stroke the ball

firmly.

McCain and Meacham?

You're on the trail of an international
assassin.

An assassin?

An assassin?

An assassin.

Well, we've got the name.

Carla.

That's pretty good.

What do you say? You want to maybe take
this someplace else?

Uh... I... Uh... Well?

Gibson Hotel, okay?

Ask for Bobby the bellhop.

Tell him I'll sing for my supper.

He'll give you the key to my room.

Ten o 'clock, okay?

Bobby the bellhop?

Included in today's panel of
distinguished judges is New York Giants

safety, Sam Garn.

Shooter Rose Nyland.

I regret I'm forced to score 6 .3.

Our next contestant is Jan Frambois.

Shooting the judges' scorecard went a
bit much.

I had to let off some steam.

Look, we've checked out every bimbo in
this place, and no one seems to be our

murderer. Well, except for Yucky Elaine.

I don't know. She's such a major
brickette. You don't think she could be

killer?

Well, somebody around here is.

All right, this girl needs some
organization.

She's got her liner pencils with her
lipsticks and her chocolate with her

butter.

I'm going to fix that Lola for stealing
my genie talent idea.

Cheater.

Forget about her.

We've got bigger fish to fry.

You're really getting into that part,
aren't you?

Acting. Quick, he said he's going to do
something to Lola. Who?

Val, come with me.

Let's go back here.

What are you doing?

I'll get the girl.

You can ask for both vows, baby.

Do I look like I give a rat's ass?

Police on their way.

Nice brother and sister.

We didn't mean to hurt anybody.

Please, don't turn us in.

Nice try.

Got two murders.

About to commit a third.

What? Murders?

What are you talking about?

You said you were going to take care of
Lola. I heard you.

And the scissors.

Her dress.

Look for yourself.

That's what the shears were for.

Well, that still doesn't give you an
alibi for yesterday morning.

We were taping the choreography.

You can hear both our voices in the
video.

Get out of here.

I said go.

Does this mean I'm out of the
competition?

We'll let Kelly decide that.

You've got to understand.

These pageants get ugly.

The girls who win make more than a few
enemies.

Perfect tent.

Somebody's improvising.

Cut this with whatever they can find.

Greg likes to cut things.

Well, except he was with us when it went
down.

What was it Elaine said?

Something like winners make enemies.

And Val's in the top ten.

Whoever did this tried to make it look
like an accident.

To keep the pageant from getting shut
down.

Yeah.

You know, Kelly has background on
everyone associated with the contest.

Want to check it out?

No,

there is another way to approach this.

When a big hit goes out for bid, word
gets around.

Not with anyone I hang out with.

Maybe you don't hang out at the right
places.

I know just a place.

Problem is I can't go alone.

Go alone to odd jobs? Come on, a body
bag.

Do they serve Shirley Temple?

Hey, that's my beer!

Remember, I do all the talking. Got it?

See anyone here named Carla?

What about you? Anybody named Carla
around here?

Ramona? Long time, no see.

Hey, guys.

Where's Ramona Flynn?

Don't mess with her, though.

She'll slight you.

Slight Bandai.

Looking for some trouble again?

Maybe.

I am looking for the 411 on a hitter.

And he's coming.

What are the bad news?

That a guy in Honolulu still haven't
found all the parts.

Splattered some fellow all over a
fountain in Lisbon, too.

Yeah. Plus Hong Kong.

Brisbane. Really racking up those
frequent flyer miles, I see.

Any idea what Carla's up to these days?

Just for a fact, Carla picked up a job.
Supposed to go down on the 17th.

The same day as the A .O .B. finals.

Are you sure?

Sure, I'm sure.

I was offered the job first before Carla
took it.

I suppose you tell me why this nosy
routine, Ramona.

Unless you're thinking about stealing
jobs from me, too.

No, I wouldn't do that.

Mike made my girlfriend angry.

Bring it on, Slim.

I'll believe this.

They will never learn.

Welcome back to the second night of the
Miss All -Organic Competition.

Allow me to introduce to you tonight's
brand new panel of celebrity judges.

Dot -com billionaire, entrepreneur, and
international playboy, Mr.

Michael Warrington.

Kristen Grayson?

Star of Tomorrowland, Breaking
Nightmares, and my all -time favorite,

Howlers? Well, aren't you sweet?

I think I shouldn't be talking to you. I
am one of the judges.

But... Oh.

Really? Well, in that case, do you need
anything? Eyeliner?

Makeup? Cosmos? Stripper? Anything. I'd
love to help. Actually, I noticed that

swinging fruit act of yours.

Fabulous. For a second there, I thought
it was an accident.

Oh, no, no, no. It was all part of the
act.

Well, how'd you like to take that banana
of yours to Vegas?

Vegas?

Vegas? I have so many ideas.

Well, fabulous. Then we'll talk.

Good luck, sweetie.

Next,

we have world -renowned author and
psychologist...

the ageless Dr.

Joyce Brothers.

And finally, we have star of stage and
screen, the lovely Kristen Grayson.

My wish would be for world peace and a
Porsche.

But if I only had one wish, it wouldn't
be for world peace because that would

mean that everyone would have to get
along with their fellow man no matter

badly they dress.

So I wish for...

A great fashion sense for everybody.

So we can all get along just great.

And now as the judges compile

our top five finalists, let's give a
great big hand to all our beautiful

contestants.

And here they are. My best category.

Like to hear your jaw rattle, huh?

You want to know who your killer is?

I'm no fan, but that skirt's afraid of
her own shadow.

No way it's her.

Yeah, you'd at least expect a quiet one.

Clear.

Back to now.

Tackle her.

Wonderful. I'm so proud of you.

I've got Kelly's computer here. Someone
broke into the pageant files.

Figure out what they're after. Maybe
this case will finally crack.

Come on, Kay. Turn on those magic
fingers.

Whoa, can I just have two seconds here?

Gee whiz.

I have been a golf hussy and an
assassin, and now I'm expected to just

and fix everything? I need a moment to
catch my breath.

What'd you do to her?

She can't handle field work, I guess.

Come on, come on.

Get out of the way.

Somebody was in here.

Oh, they tried to cover their text, but
you cannot.

Okay, it's far sneakier than you. Mm
-hmm.

Looks like they searched payroll and
contestant buyout.

Kelly's got some big names coming in for
the finals. If we don't have some

answers by then, things could get nasty.

Oh, my.

Honolulu, listen.

Hong Kong and Brisbane.

Did she log on with Kelly's travel
agent?

Better than that. Those are all places
where Mary Hudson, a .k .a. Miss Epson,

Missouri, competed.

And they also happen to be... Where Carl
the Assassin made hits. We found out

from the guys at our job.

Sounds like little Mary's our killer.

Nickster.

Okay, I got her on my site.

Mary, stay right where you are.

Why don't they ever listen?

Need sleep. Got it, Carla?

Carla? But you know me. I'm Mary.

Whatever your name is. Why'd you run?
Well, you attacked the makeup guy. You

shot a bitch.

Little Miss Epson's in the clear. She
was doing a private strip show for a

couple of crew guys when Meacham was
killed.

Always the quiet ones.

Ooh, ooh, ooh. I am just too good.

Whoever hacked into the pageant files
printed out a list of judges for the

final. Judges?

Wait a sec. There's new ones every
round, right?

Uh -huh.

Of course.

Carla has to stay in the contest so she
can be around for the final round of

judging.

Carla's victim is a judge.

So we figure out which of the judge
merits a contract at their victims.

Okay, turn that computer into a shovel.
We need dirt on our last round of new

judges.

You want dirt?

We've got dirt.

Okay, the first judge is the billionaire
CEO of Genitrack Labs.

He did some nasty deals last year. Put a
lot of folks out of work.

Judge 2 is a philanthropist. Who would
want to kill him?

I've heard of this guy.

Very nasty divorce.

His ex -wife's a psycho.

It's two for two so far.

Dr. Joyce Brothers, we love her.

No dirt there.

Maybe not, but she's a public figure.
She's on TV. You never know.

Kristen Grayson.

You know, I read that she backed out on
a very big movie deal. Creative

differences.

Cost the producer a million.

He got nuts about it.

You know, any of them could be Carla's
target.

Kelly, you may need to make some tough
decisions.

Yeah, pull all the judges.

Maybe even postpone the competition.

Do you have anything definitive?

These women have worked too hard to have
their entire future ripped out from

under them because you think you have an
answer.

Well, we better figure something out
fast.

Judges are being defeated.

Oh, my God, I can't find him. Help me.

Mary, we're kind of in a hurry right
now. Please, it's my stylist, Renard. I

can't find him. With those two men dead,
what if someone hurt him? I'm sure Dr.

Hairspray is around here somewhere.

You don't understand. He is my lucky
charm. Every time Renard has been with

I've won.

No, no, it's true.

Lisbon, Hong Kong, Brisbane.

Honolulu? Yeah.

Renard was there, too. How'd you know?

I don't know. Golden, maybe Kennedy.
Think it's too much.

May I offer my simple standard?

Too much is never enough.

Oh, you're a very wise man.

And you are a very tantalizing woman.

Ah, you're not the first to notice.

When this contest is over, we should get
together.

Oh, my God.

I know exactly why you're here.

You got me.

I was afraid you were too clever.

Yeah, I know. You know what? You're one
of those booty hounds that wants to get

close to all the half -naked women in
the dressing room.

Pervert. No, no, no. I think it's worse
than that.

Way worse.

Renard!

Renard! Renard, it's bikini time! Help!

I've got so much to do.

Dress Mary, kill a judge.

A $5 million contract that I don't want
you screwing up.

And now I've got a fit killing you both
into my schedule.

Wait right here.

Good move.

Everything's fine.

Oh, come on. You look like a million
bucks.

I said take your tape off.

Here come the judges.

Well, no bomb action at the judges'
table.

No sign of Renard up here on the
catwalk.

I'm coming down.

I don't get it.

How's Renard making his hit? Ladies and
gentlemen, in just a moment, we'll begin

our swimsuit parade, and our four
celebrity judges will select the brand

Miss All Organics.

You guys heard from Val and Maxine?

Not a peep. Oh, but you can take the
philanthropist off the hit list.

His divorce was settled amicably.

Dr. Joyce isn't a target either.

31 years in the business, and she hasn't
received a single piece of hate mail.

That's a record.

Two judges down, two to go. And now our
celebrity judges are settling in for the

final portion of our Miss All -Organic
competition, the swimsuit parade.

Bernard's down there, and he's up to no
good.

I mean, he doesn't look like such a
deadly assassin. He's just sitting

You can't stop me. It's too late.

more important than a dumb beauty
pageant.

I can't believe I just said that. You
just said that.

Well, do something.

And now, the swimsuit parade.

Here, take that.

What are you standing up for?

You'll see.

We've got to get the judges out of here.
Move.

Okay. Newsflash. Our billionaire settled
out of court with his employees to the

tune of $300 million.

That ought to keep him happy.

Let only leave.

Quick. It's Kristen.

Kristen Grayson's the target. Come on.

It's out of town. Come on. Get out of
here.

Get down, Dr. Boyce, brother.

It's about time they spiced this thing
up a little bit.

Normally, violence is alien to our
concept of beauty, but in this instance,

refreshing in its honesty.

Yeah, well, I put my money on a little
spunky one.

That's her hitting me, loser.

You ladies all right?

may I suggest a toast to Valerie Irons
for making it to the top ten.

Huh? Our very own Miss All Organic.

Speaking of Val, where is she?

Ladies and gentlemen, tonight we would
like to present a very special award,

part of the Miss All Organic Beauty
Scholarship Competition.

Voted on by a group of her peers and
supervised by Price's Waterhouse, we

like to present to you, Miss Nikki
Franco!

really voted for me?

I think it was the Tesla with the makeup
artist and the Mary incident.

And how you whooped Bernard's ass in the
finals.

Actually, they're just afraid to vote
against you.

Oh, yeah?