All language subtitles for VIP s04e09 Kayus Ex Machina

Where's everybody?

Quick and Donnie are at lunch, and
Nikki's out picking up some E4.

Oh.

Did you not invite everybody to the
staff meeting?

I thought that was your job.

No, it wasn't.

I think so.

We discussed it.

Are you sure?

Uh, I don't remember.

All right, what you've just witnessed
here is an example of poor management

skills. Really?

I just thought it was you and Maxine
acting really stupid.

Max and I have been acting very non
-stupid lately.

We're taking extension course at UCLA
for business management skills. And what

did we learn? That there are a lot of
cute guys in extension class.

And?

And, oh, that VIP needs a major
management makeover.

Yes, so what we need for you guys to do
is to write down your duties and who you

are so you can better figure out your
role as a VIP.

I found this sucker on the stuff. It's
for you, Val.

You need to make this free gift.

Oh, yeah.

Val, Iron D will die.

Yeah. He's not a death threat.

Another one bites the dust.

Oh, Mickey, we need you to write down
everything you do at VIP for us. Okay?

hello. She blows things up, I cover your
ass, and Kay makes coffee.

Now leave us alone.

Excuse me.

I think I do a little bit more around
here than just make coffee.

Also, for instance, my very important
research is done.

Hmm.

Is that the IP word?

This little fiber optic company I
invested in is merging with a European

conglomerate. Oh, that sounds cool.

I think. Very, very cool.

Hmm. I wonder if I can hack into
Protocon's database and take a little

poo at their quarterly report.

Wow.

Employee bios.

This protocon place is a great front for
our CIA unit.

Our little fiber optic operation has
finally started to turn a profit. And

know what that means? It means our
department will finally get the funding

CIA should have given us all along.

Very good, Agent Geiger. Not a moment
too soon. Our old friend, General

Ruiz, has resurfaced.

And the agency should have finished that
guy in 97.

Soon to be remedied. Do you remember
Operation Silent Approach? The coup

scenario. Enables our government to take
over the country in 48 hours. Restores

a free market economy.

Worth millions on the open market.

We're finally able to put it into
action.

I encoded the scenarios and I hid them
in, get this, the employee bios.

That is brilliant.

No one's life is so dull that they're
going to check through Protocon's

bios.

But Operation Silent Approach is only a
tactical scenario. It's not an action

order. It is now.

Those scenarios are way too good to
waste. Do you agree?

Sir, you're asking us to carry out an
unauthorized action. Do.

You agree?

No, sir, I do not.

Can take his bio off the employee list.

The beautiful and lethal Valerie Irons.

Flux from obscurity to head an elite Los
Angeles bodyguard agency.

They know how to get things done.

Eventually.

Occasionally, my job requires me to
unleash my fist of fury.

Well, isn't booty -picking Johnny's
specialty, too?

I kick way more.

You get a smiley face sticker on the Val
and Max management makeover grid.

Hey,

you want to get that?

Not here yet.

VIP.

Rudely answering phone?

Mr. Sad Face Natasha.

Hola. Bonjour.

I'm so sorry I'm late, you guys. I just
felt like stopping on my way in today

and buying a few gifts for my esteemed
VIP colleagues.

Oh, you shouldn't have.

What did you get me?

I'm so neat at this. You, get a smiley
face for that one.

Coffee. Cute.

Well, I'm just a secretary. I couldn't
think of anything else.

Hmm. 100 % silk.

What's with the sudden generosity?

Oh, nothing.

Nothing except my Protocon stock closed
at $52 a share yesterday.

Oh, and you spent it all on us?

Val, I own 100 ,000 shares.

Hmm. Well, that must be... Over five
million dollars.

Woo! Ha!

Yeah. Mama pajamas.

Oh! I also bought some muffins from my
favorite place. And I do mean my

place.

You bought the whole place?

Mm -hmm.

I'm turning it into a cyber muffin cafe.
I only suggested that to the owner like

a hundred times.

But now I'm the owner, so it's really
gonna happen. The computers are already

their way.

Sounds like you won't be needing VIP
anymore.

Oh, no.

Don't worry.

I've decided to keep this job as a
hobby. Yeah?

Well, your hobby's been ringing all
morning.

Oh, my gosh! I almost forgot my very
favorite part. You guys, I rented a

tonight at the Gibson Hotel to celebrate
my windfall, and you are all invited to

my party.

It's gonna be so much fun. I got
Pictionary, scruples, and a karaoke

La, la, la.

I have to get my hair done.

At night?

You don't know how hard it is to get
into this place during the day.

Good dog.

Tonight, something I got to do.

Boxing. Got a boxing match. I'm sorry,
babe. But congratulations anyway, huh?

Thanks for the shirt.

I would rather be force -fed a towel and
then have it yanked back out.

a security breach.

Someone hacked into the system and
actually downloaded the employee bios.

Could have found the encrypted plans.

Could have?

Well, why else would anyone want those
bios?

So, who has been sticking their nose in
our business?

Username Muffin Girl, a .k .a. K.
Eugenia Simmons.

She works for a bodyguard agency, VIP.

If those plans get out, I'll be sweeping
cells in Lompoc, and you will be my

broom.

Could I have her terminated?

Not yet.

Round up some men you trust. They don't
need the details, just that I want

little Miss Muffin here surveilled.

Find out exactly what she plans to do
with that file.

Our friend in South America?

Ruiz just got a temporary stay of
execution until we sort this out.

Think about you in the bathroom.

It never.

song, I Do, and 808, and you were so
good in that cheerleading movie, Bring

On. I saw it twice.

Yeah. We're down with the whole pom -pom
rah -rah thing. Oh, my gosh.

I'm having a party. Come on in.

Party? Who's last? Your party blows.

Oh. Well, my guests should arrive any...
Actually, they should have arrived at

least an hour ago. Okay.

Thanks for the invite, but we're trying
to return to the next door. I would love

to see you guys back to move.

Will it shut you up? Oh, yeah.

Okay.

Let's hit it with a little sound. Here
we go. Okay. All right.

There's a delivery for me?

I'll be right down.

This isn't a pant you made, Miller.
Okay?

I'm away.

Oh, it's from the team.

That's so sweet.

Hi. Mom, it's me again.

So, you know that muffin store I told
you I bought?

I'm turning it into a cyber cafe.

I drew up the plans this morning with a
little help from entrepreneurguys .com.

Package has been sent.

They put muffins in the mess?

Chocolate hazelnut, I believe.

Oh, that was a nice touch.

Yeah, we're having some problems de
-scrambling the phones inside the hotel.

But we do have ears inside the room, so
we can at least listen in to her side of

the conversation.

Oh, it's really exciting.

I've got the plans right here on my palm
top.

You know?

I think they're going to be worth a lot
of money.

Well, she's definitely looking for a
buyer.

If not, at least I have the plans for
myself, right?

Nothing more dangerous than a broker
with an itchy trigger finger.

I was thinking, if this little side
business works out, I might just quit

Well, she's definitely working alone.

Are your men still in place?

Standing by, waiting for my orders. Take
her out.

Oh,

there's nothing missing.

I was just getting ready to play a game
of Twister. Will you play with me?

Hey, Twister!

Maybe later. But you know, Val's down at
the bar holding three seats just for

us, and they're all kind of hotties down
there. I thought we might take the

party down there, huh?

We could go down there for a little
while. Yes, I thought I saw Samuel L.

Jackson down there, and I so need to
talk to that man about his shaft.

The movie?

Don't let me forget. I wanted to thank
Val for the gift basket.

What basket?

The team sent me the nice basket of my
mother.

Oh.

When is the time to be gone?

Danger.

Hold for a clean shot.

has left the bakery.

All I have to say is I better not miss
my Jackson action. I'm really sorry.

just be a second. I didn't even think
that I would need my credit card. And I

wouldn't think of asking you to do this,
but you are the hostess and the

millionaire.

I think I remember closing this door.

Oh, I want to remember this party.

I assure you, nothing like this has ever
happened to the Gibson.

Don't worry. We have our people running
a list of possible perps.

Probably the same Giovanni who sent Val
that cut -and -paste hate mail. Yeah,

you know, some freak has always sent me
a death threat, then they blow Kay's

room to smithereens. He's probably
lurking around here somewhere putting

laxatives in people's room service food.

It would be greatly appreciated if we
could keep this whole situation... How

shall I put this?

Subdued?

Well, uh, do you guys have those special
oatmeal facial thingies?

Oh, Val, it's not about your face.

Trying to get us free spa passes for our
silence.

Of course, you're more than welcome to
use our spa facilities any time you

Miss Irons.

Free of charge.

I swear,

I threw something like a Swiss cheese
and lead omelet earlier.

You're a booyah for housecleaning.

If your little fun is over, I have a
five -star hotel to run.

Good day.

Oh, and by the way, the spa is for
registered hotel guests only.

You gotta believe us, Tasha.

Do I get a little smiley face sticker?

This job's got pro written all over it.
No one can move in and out of here that

fast.

Let's blow this place before I blow this
place.

Doesn't anyone know there's an energy
crisis?

You coming or what?

I'll meet you back at the office. I want
to check something out first.

I've narrowed the list of Val's would
-be assassins to three.

First of all, there's Uber Army Sergeant
Greta Kramp.

Oh, she was back in the USSR.

Nope. She was spotted in New York just
last week.

And what about Carl Merritt?

Balfour did his second attempt to blow
up the Civic Auditorium.

He had to plan to head from prison.

Well, the only other possibility is the
mob hitman, Dolman.

And rumor has it, he's living as a born
-again Buddhist in Sri Lanka.

Yeah, well, Balfour's land low until we
figure out who's trying to do her harm.

That's a good idea.

Where?

Max found a place that no one would ever
think to look for her.

Walmart.

Well, I guess that's a place that you
won't be seeing anymore.

Actually, I've decided to turn all of my
attention to muffin stuff.

I posted my business plans on
entrepreneurguys .com just this morning.

looking for investors.

So I can franchise.

Hello, VIP.

Is this Muffin Girl?

Who's this?

Someone who'd like to discuss the plans
in your possession.

Oh, my gosh, then your ears must be
burning because I was just talking about

you. I've been all over your Internet
site.

She made it. It's entrepreneurguide
.com.

Your website was very easy to navigate.

She's thrown it in our faces.

And your plans were very useful.

You've already found a buyer?

No. Oh, wait a minute.

You do want first dibs on the plans,
right?

We're prepared to offer you more than
fair financial...

Wow, this is so exciting for me. Now, I
really want to get those plans out

there, exposed, for the whole world to
see.

The girl's got moxie. Hasn't even heard
her offer yet, and she's already

threatening to expose the plans.

All right, you win.

We'll pay whatever it takes. Now we have
to meet.

Uh, okay.

Um, let me just get my date book.

And bring your palm top.

Here she comes.

Hello? It's me.

Oh, hi.

I'm kind of in the middle of something
really important right now.

Why don't you go drink your coffee?

Kay, I found a piece of a UV -193
antenna bug in your hotel suite.

Wow.

Val Stalker sure went a long way to
track her down.

I don't think so. Not even Val knew she
was coming to see you.

That's ridiculous.

If they weren't bugging her, then you're
saying they were bugging... That's

right. I think they're after you.

Why? What did I do wrong?

Who's she babbling to?

Well, you obviously have something that
they want.

What? And who is they?

Rogue CIA is my guess. The bug is an old
company model.

Whoever used it had access.

But they didn't want to leave a paper
trail.

Do rogue CIA agents drive black town
cars and meet people by desolate canals?

Why? Because I think two of them are
after me right now.

Okay, get the hell out of there, now!

Ah, she won't get far. Cell phone bugged
with the GPS tracker.

Target has been acquired.

Longitude 36 degrees latitude.

Yeah. Alley two blocks away.

Step on it.

Got it. Yeah, she's holed up in that
dumpster down there. Miller and Sykes

the other end secured. There's no way
out.

I want to tap on every person she has
ever called. I want her credit cards,

ATM card, her Costco card watched like a
hawk. If she rents the first season of

Sex and the City at Blockbuster, I want
our guy there to give her her change and

a bullet to the back of the skull.

You can run, Miss Simmons, but you
cannot hide.

They got into her room? Chances are
Kay's cell phone's got a tracking bug in

too.

Hopefully she was smart enough to ditch
it in time.

Come on.

You know that phone's on a slow boat to
Africa by now.

No, she probably has a new phone with a
much better rate, and she's probably on

her way here right now. This is the
first place they'd look for her. She

go home. She can't come here. She can't
go anywhere she usually goes.

If she can't call us, it'd be like
dialing 1 -800 -TAP. That is no enemy of

state.

Well, at least she has her millions to
keep her company. Had.

ATM, credit card, direct link to K
-Town.

No credit cards?

Okay, now you're scaring me.

Well, Kay's out there. We have to find
her.

I'll check the muffin shop.

Mob's always got some CIA goons on the
payroll. I'll make the rounds.

Oh, I want to see the Don. I haven't
seen him in so long. Can I come?

Sorry, sister.

Grandpa doesn't mess with G -men.

Got to pow -wow with the dark side of
the mob.

Quick, and I'll check the Gibson Hotel.

See if we missed anything.

Hey, wait a minute.

Who's going to man the office in case
Kay checks in?

I can.

Oh, my God, no.

I can be Kay.

If the CIA is after me, they probably
have police on their payroll.

What did the CIA want that I have?

Wait.

He did tell me to bring my palm top.

What have I put on here recently?

Oh, my gosh.

I didn't download employee bios.

I downloaded an assassination plot.

the team.

They couldn't hit the phone.

Wait.

They can trace the call.

Gosh, I have got to get out of here.

Yeah, I got it from my friend Bart.

After he croaked.

Hey.

You're new at this, aren't you?

I guess.

Yeah. Out on your own. No place to run.

Hungry, cold.

Government agents breathing down your
neck.

How did you know?

Welfare department's been after me for
years.

Hey, get out of there.

Oh, I was just hoping that maybe you
would let me buy this really warm coat.

Bart's coat?

What are we talking about?

$100? $100? I'll give you my pants, too.

Oh, no, please don't. Let me see the
cash.

Actually, this is so much better than
cash.

Oh, yeah.

Uh -oh.

Tiger.

He just inserted her ATM card in a
machine, 26th and Ocean, Venice,

I'm on it.

Finally, we meet Mr.

Welfare Man.

All Val had to do was answer the
friggin' phone.

changed the ringer when she moved her
desk.

VIP. Hey, Val.

Oh, any luck?

Hasn't been by the shop since she bought
it.

Oh, there's somebody else on the line.
It might be her.

Hello? Why aren't you answering the
phone?

I am.

You're not redecorating, are you?

You know, I can't talk right now because
Johnny's on the other line. Tell him we

came up empty.

Okay, empty. Got it. Good. Bye.

It's Darth Tasha.

Is she pure evil or what?

I'm still here.

Uh, sorry.

No, Ablo.

Uh, Anglais.

Nikki Franco.

To what do I owe this rare pleasure?

Live with them now.

Take a hike, sweetie.

Where's the love, Nick?

And your grandfather married my mother?

We're family now.

It doesn't have to be a name.

And how do I know that you're not
wearing a wire?

Nice.

Well, now that we got that out of the
way, I don't think I know any names.

Your pops traded surveillance gear to
the spy factory.

So? So my guess is you're following in
daddy's footsteps.

You're breaking my neck.

Tell me the name of your inside guy or
your pea -sized brain goes extinct.

It's Wells.

Wells.

My computers are here.

Computers are for paying customers only.

Oh, it's okay. I'm the owner. And I'm
Britney Spears.

Don't worry, these are my clothes.

Look, I really need your help.

I need to log on to that computer under
your email name.

It's a really long story, but it is a
matter of life and death.

Pissed someone off in a chat room, huh?

I think I can do that.

This would make a better password,
bushpecker or foofy. Oh, foofy all the

How do you like my disco ball?

That's

odd.

Val never uses her computer.

I'll just have to log on and...

Okay, I got it.

It's logged onto the net.

Got it. Muffin stuffed on the corner of
Pacific and Market.

Drop the mouse, Miss Simmons. The place

is surrounded.

Clear this place out. Right.

Ladies and gentlemen, health inspector.

Restaurant has just been downgraded to
an F.

Rotor, beat these.

It's in the banana nut.

Since when do health inspectors travel
in packs?

About the same time we started carrying
guns.

Don't make this hard on yourself.
There's no way out.

I didn't think we'd catch you, huh?

Honestly, I'm surprised it took you so
long.

Word to the wise, I wouldn't be so
cavalier when you meet Wells.

He's not a patient man.

What if I told you this was all just a
great big misunderstanding?

Well, then, I say it sucks to be you.

Val, can you run the name Wells, please?

All right, quick, can I, uh... This
management makeover is just wrong.

Look, I squeezed the contact out of Tony
the Weasel.

Val's running it through Kay's machine.

And, of course, it's taking forever.

This computer only has so much RAM,
Nikki.

And we're running a complex six -string
search with only one cross -reference

point.

What, did you eat Nerdy Flakes for
breakfast or something?

She told you she could be Kay.

Here we go.

Andrew Wells, vice president of Protocon
Incorporated. Nice work, but we're

looking for a federal agent, not a dot
-com dweeb.

Protocon is the company that made Kay a
gazillionaire. Well, what's that CIA

clown doing moonlighting in fiber optic
land?

Well, if Tasha stopped up on her CIA
brain cells, she'd know that Protocon is

only a cover operation.

Why would I think that?

Duh. Even I know that there's at least
half a dozen dot -com companies fronting

for government agencies.

Harper's Bazaar, Marquesu.

Andrew D. Wells.

Third in his class.

Oh, look. He's allergic to heavy
products.

Give me the address.

Give me the address.

Protocon. Fifth and Santa Monica.

We're not keeping the disco ball.

I'll call Claire.

And Johnny would have to meet you there.

Stop that.

If it isn't the

elusive Kay Simmons.

And the flesh.

Let's talk about the plans, shall we?

I didn't show them to anybody, I swear.

Let's start again.

Consider this your last confession.

You tell me everything, and perhaps I
might show you some mercy.

You mean you might let me live?

Um, no.

But I might let your friends at VIP
live.

So start at the beginning.

So when the stock price went up, I got
curious.

Curiosity.

It's my Achilles heel.

So anyway, I hacked into Protocon's
database just looking for some whisper

numbers from the fourth quarter.

And when I saw the employee bios, I
downloaded them.

I only wanted to know who ran the
company.

I had no idea you had actual
assassination plans hidden inside.

So you're saying that you found them
accidentally and then you decided to

them. No, that's not what I'm saying at
all.

When you contacted me about the plans...

I assumed that you were from this
entrepreneurial website that I had

about franchising muffin stuff and that
you wanted to get a jump start on my

business plans.

I had no intention of selling your
plans, I swear.

And you expect me to believe this?

It's the truth.

We have taps on everybody you've called
in the last 48 hours. It's only a matter

of time until somebody slips up. So at
this point, Miss Simmons, you are a

handicap.

Bye -bye.

Who

the

hell are you? The teleporting department
are kicking your ass.

VIP to the rescue.

That's right, dip thong. I'm so glad you
all stopped by. It saves me the trouble

of rounding all you people up.

You got it wrong, Wells.

You're surrounded.

Drop your weapons!

So are you.

Kill them.

Kill them all.

What the hell are you doing?

I gave you a direct order.

Well, you see, as of about two minutes
ago, I now report directly into your

boss. Seems Miss Simmons here emailed
the assassination plans to the entire

agency. I spammed the entire agency for
muffin stuff.

You're going to go down with me, Ganger?

No, I think that this nets me a
promotion.

Take him away.

You risked your life sending that email.

Your country owes you a debt of
gratitude, muffin girl.

That's right, Kay. You should be proud
of yourself.

You did a noble thing, sweetheart.

I knew that if my one small life could
be sacrificed to save the lives of

countless others, it would be an
honorable thing.

I believe that every man, every woman,
every child in America...

has a right to surf the net freely.

We have a right to investigate the
companies we're investing in.

Hey, you guys?

Guys, where are you going?

Nice work, Kay.

Guys, come back.

It's amazing what you can see on the
Internet these days.

I thought Kay was coming back today.

She is. I think I offered to cover the
phone.

You're really taking this management
makeover thing seriously.

Yeah. Hello. All of our jobs are equally
as important around here, especially

Kay's. Being a secretary is very, very,
very hard work. I know because I got a

butt rash from sitting here on that
desk.

Well, at least some things are back to
normal.

Hi, you guys.

I'm really sorry I'm late today.

Hey, how's everything on Park Place and
Boardwalk?

I didn't even pass go and collect $200.

All the bad press about Protocon being
tied to illegal CIA activities made my

stock price tank.

Well, at least you got your own muffin
shop out of this, right?

Not exactly.

It wasn't officially paid for.

Though, I did order a few muffins before
my portfolio sank like a rock.

Oh, yummy. I love muffins.

Good.

Let's just hope you don't get tired of
them.

Hey, what's your definition of a few?

Ten thousand.

Well, sounds like things are back to
normal.

Oh, well, not quite.

to last forever