All language subtitles for VIP s03e13 Val on Fire

is reaching critical mass here. You've
got to watch out. Those laser beams are

hot. Touch them and you fry.

Oh, my God. Watching Laser Lord live is
so hot.

Literally.

Remember, fans, today is B .J. Finley
Day, as you can tell from my fine

behind me. Get yourself a B .J. Finley
mask available right now at the Laser

Wars Fan Club.

Hey, just for you, you must be really
tight with PJ.

We were. We were.

Back in basic training, but then he got
transferred.

Basic training? That must have been back
in the disco age. Did you guys have,

like, really big eyebrows and stick
every weekend with Saturday Night Fever?

Uh, well, not quite, but, uh... Well,
the fact is, these tickets were a

to me, but I'm glad to see you ladies
are so into it.

Are you kidding?

Laser Lords is reality TV at its best.

Oh, my God.

That's Dr.

Photon.

Humanoid. Born on an asteroid, P .A .C.
from the dark side of the moon. Oh, my

God. A genetically engineered mutant
from Area 51.

Ah, you ladies buy all of this.

Well, I mean, okay. So the characters
are a little over the top, but the

fighting is totally real.

Oh, what a sweet reversal.

He may look tough, but he's just a big
lovable lug.

Been too long, man.

I remember.

Yeah. My dog.

That's my man. Uh -huh. B .J. Finley.

This is my boss, Valerie Iron. Hi. And
her lovely friend, Maxine De La Cruz.

Look at you, man.

Surrounded by these beautiful, famous
women.

Man, took you out of these threads, man.

You like that? Yeah, it's quite a change
from back in the days of Fort Irving

before they bounced him in the river.

All right, all right.

Let's not reminisce too much. You feel
me, huh? I got you. Yeah.

B .J., I need to talk to you.

All right, yeah, one sec, Luke. I want
you to meet some friends of mine. Now.

Listen,

I'll catch up with you, all right? All
right.

B .J., B .J.

Maybe Nick's just a little pissed
because his action figure, you know,

worth as much as BJ's. Yeah, I dig it.

Or maybe we just found out the real
reason we got free tickets.

Ladies and gentlemen, coming right up,
Dr.

Odom!

What are you doing? You know we don't
need anyone nosing around. Get off me,

man. They're just bodyguards. Besides, I
wouldn't mind if somebody watched my

back. Hey, we take care of ourselves.

Loyalty, BJ. Concept you better not
forget.

What you got there, man? Something for
old BJ to find?

You have something in mind.

I want it back.

Lethal Valerie Irons.

Plucked from obscurity to head an elite
Los Angeles bodyguard agency.

They know how to get things done.

Eventually.

Who'd have thought free tickets to some
show Val watches would bag us a real

job? I don't get it.

Quickspotty gets kneecapped by some
freakazoid and we're sitting here on our

keisters. Let's get this train moving.

Newt, Botan, hit the weight room.

Okay, Mom.

You should have said you needed help.

Sent you tickets, didn't I?

B .J. Finley, master of subtlety.

We've all been on edge lately.

Sweep's weak is a lot of pressure.

Practice in ten, BJ.

Patty, my associates, Tasha Dexter and
Nikki Frankel. This is Patty Del Florio,

the show's producer.

I've heard good things about you.

Just a reminder, I hired you on a low
-profile basis.

We can fly under the radar.

Any idea who'd want to injure them?

If you're a laser lord, you're on TV
five nights a week in 51 countries and

languages. You attract plenty of
weirdos.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God, you guys have to
totally check this place out. This is

like the Disneyland of lightsabers.

Patty Del Florio, our fearless leader,
Valerie Adams. Oh, hi.

Hey, you guys don't do guest star laser
lord appearances, do you? Because we

would be so good at that. No, we
wouldn't.

Wait a minute, she's right.

I guess it pays to talk to the person
whose name is on the door.

You would have the perfect cover, and I
smell huge raiding.

We'd be in the ring.

You can't get better protection than
that.

I am not wearing one of those costumes.

Of course not.

Max and I will design new ones.

We won first prize last year on
Halloween. We did the solar system

Jupiter, and she was Pluto.

Val, you're amazing.

Have you ever thought of TV production?

Oh, yeah. I have plenty of ideas.

If only someone would listen to me.

Okay, so this small -town girl, she
comes to L .A. She works at a hot dog

And it's like a short little girl with a
really big ab.

Hey,

what can I say? I love him both, okay?

Come on, baby. Let's play right here.
Here comes the Mack truck, baby.

Yeah,

that was an Aston Martin.

Deal with that, baby. Huh?

Oh, yeah. Never hurt so good.

Come on, baby. Give me some. You like
that, huh? Yeah. Uh -huh. Oh, man. Good

moves, Q.

So what, you learn those ones getting
out of that straitjacket back in Fort

Irving? Okay, okay, okay.

What's with the quick out of his mind,
Delio?

BJ's hung up on the pass is all.

Come on, hotshot.

You know what? I'm going to find out
what the scoop is on Mr. Quick.

Val, listen.

Same knee you injured back in the
service, right?

Damn, you still remember that?

What happened, man?

I mean, like, why'd we lose touch?

Well, for starters, you transferred
platoons.

They ain't just dropped off the planet.

Come on, man.

Level with me.

We don't talk for years. You send me
tickets out of the blue, then some dude

attacks you.

What's the deal?

After I left the platoon, I got into
some stuff, man.

What kind of stuff?

Yo, Williams.

Photon. Patty D needs you in her office.

Contract's on a time.

We'll continue this.

All right, brother.

Go.

All right, later, Forton.

What the hell were you thinking, man?
Chill out, Forton.

I mean, come on, man. We've been through
tougher slaps than this before.

Come on. The Philippines, Panama, Guam.
This is different, and you know it.

We're not going to take the rap for what
went down.

Get with the program.

of the way twiggy you know we could
protect you and your buddies a whole lot

better if you told us what the hell was
going on we don't need your protection

but hey uh you know maybe uh you and
your machachas can uh you know you know

be my new posse consider

yourself a posse yeah

Just be glad you caught my bad shoulder.

Hear that?

It's coming from the locker room.

Daddy.

Nasty. Let's get him down.

Looks like you need us around after all.

Well.

Proton's high as a kite on pain pillars.

Dislocated his shoulder again.

Again?

He complained about his shoulder when I
pinned him.

Well, you're just goofing around.

If that's what gets you off, fine.

I'm just trying to figure out how
someone got past the great VIP.

Point well taken.

We'll do better. Good.

There's a Laser Lords event coming up on
the Venice boardwalk. It's been on the

boards for months.

And the show must go on.

Without a hitch.

This guy knew exactly what to target.

Photon's bum shoulder, BJ's knee.

Almost like he knew you guys.

Hello.

They've certainly known each other for a
while.

You didn't tell us you, Photon, and Nuke
were in a special mercenary army team.

Eleven Bravo Company?

I've heard of them. Crack specialist.

Real covert stuff.

The dude who attacked you, one of your
victims?

Worse. He was our squad leader.

Major James Kobler.

Major Kobler?

Last I heard, he was Sergeant Kobler,
that psycho drill master.

He was court -martialed for hazing
recruits.

It's worse than that.

See, they had to put him in a place with
a sadistic edge.

Covert ops.

You knew it was him from day one, and
you didn't tell us?

We had our suspicions, but we weren't
sure.

Guys, it says here...

Kobler's been listed as MIA since 96.

Kobler missed the helo lift during our
last mission.

We figured he was plant food.

And then we started getting all the
threats.

Look, I gotta get to practice.

Newsflash, your butt's still holding out
on us. I know.

Well, there's more than one way to get
info.

This is going to be illegal, isn't it?

It usually is.

Get me the home addresses of the other
laser lords.

See you in jail.

I am Andromeda. Hear me roar. Born in
the seventh dimension on a burning

With the power of the crowd of nebula in
my hands.

I'm the intergalactic gatekeeper of...
Of the galaxy of

Prada. Excellent. Excellent. Now, how
are fellow VIP laser lords doing?

Oh.

Shake.

And bake.

I really don't think Tasha's going to go
for this.

She'll love it.

She can bake.

She can bake my chicken.

Okay. What's up?

The usual.

Making life beautiful for my fellow
VIPs.

What's an Andromeda drive?

Think, think.

Um, a cherry.

Okay.

Pouting will make your skin dry out.

What's wrong?

Everybody has a laser lord character but
me.

I can be mean and vicious.

As long as it doesn't hurt anybody.

Well, you could be... K -Bar. Mm. The
knife.

Mm.

Slender. Mm.

Jagged. Razor sharp.

Research complete.

My Yahoo research is ready.

After I plugged in quick dates of
enlistment, I had to cross -reference

different databases from an NSA
mainframe at Fort Irving. Okay, bring it

bring it on.

Too happy, Rainbow. Not as easy as it.
Hey, what's this?

Admitted for psychiatric observation.

See photo.

What, is that supposed to be a person?

Running this through Photoshop with my
depixelation plug -in will probably

it up, but it's going to take me some
time.

This is just like a no -way out.

Maybe that's a picture of Kevin Costner.

Ew, I hope not.

I'm pretty sure that's quick.

Ah, we need more gold lame.

K -Bar.

So how long have you and your Laser Lord
buddies shared a bank account in the

Cayman Islands?

Cayman? Man, would you get hit too hard?
I found a few things in Photon's pad.

Bank transfers, account numbers.

Look, you can tell me now, or you can
tell me when it's too late.

Come on, man, you know how it is.

You put some of these bad dudes down in
these third world countries, the next

thing you know, these locals are
throwing jewels and cash your way.

They own a little retirement fund.

More like hazard pay.

Cobra set us all up with a Swiss
account.

Last year... Look, man, we all thought
he was dead, okay?

So we moved the money to the Caymans.

And now Cobra's back looking for his
share.

No.

He wants it all.

That payback for us leaving him behind.

I thought he missed the Gila lift.

It wasn't that simple.

When we were in Nicaragua, we got to the
target. I mean, everything was cool.

But then Kobler wanted to start taking
out the civilians.

Kids. I mean, everything.

Look, he crossed the line this time, Q.

So I defied his kill order, and we
cleared out.

What about Kobler?

We heard that the civvies got him.

We figured it was for good.

I didn't see why you'd hope so.

Doesn't sound like any of your guys up
for a Nobel Peace Prize.

Yeah, well, that's what Nuke and Photon
said.

Look, man, we don't want anybody to know
what happened in 11 Bravo.

Well, maybe you'll feel better if you
come clean.

It doesn't matter.

Look what Kobler did to Photon, not to
mention my knee.

Man, he's gonna kill us, and nothing's
gonna stop him. I will.

You can count on that.

Any luck?

There's a quicker way to find where they
hid all that loot.

Well, what do you know?

The laser lords are appearing at the
Venice boardwalk.

What do you got, Nick?

Just more bimbos for Square Clips and
Sky Bar.

Oh, my God. This is too close to call,
people.

Have you ever seen so many fine -looking
women in one place?

Okay, people. The silent portion of our
contest is coming up next.

So, everybody, be cool. Stick around.

I'm afraid the top might fall apart
together.

Give me a hand.

One at a time, ladies. One at a time.

How you doing?

So you shower in that mask?

Ooh, strong silent type. I like that.

I'm tired of you, Corbler.

BJ, get out of the way!

No!

You're not one of the Lazy Lords.

Take him, let's go.

Hurry, for the cops are here.

Suburban is registered to Dirk Grant,
142 Langdon Street, City of Industry.

But... I'm listening.

County records show that the building
was destroyed ten years ago.

Which means Kobler's guy gave a fake
address.

Dead end. Not for me.

I'm not waiting around for Kobler's next
move. Call me.

Tasha.

Dirk Grant racked up 22 parking tickets
in front of a warehouse in the garment

center. It'll be their hangout. All
right, give it to me.

Go.

The Mighty Quick Williams.

BJ, it's a job. What a great boxer you
were.

Lightning quick hands.

Yeah. I know all about you, too.

What do you know?

In the army, I heard you were a sadistic
punk.

Now I hear you're a full -on walking
piece of crap.

My boys left me for dead.

Soldiers don't do that.

You know, no soldier...

BJ did right leaving you behind.

I can make this last so long you'll want
to snap your neck off to stop the pain.

Tell me where BJ put my money.

Cobla.

I've got something.

Patty DeFlorio.

She produces the Laser Lord show. She
set up an account in all their names

in Cayman Island.

All right. Good work.

Check her out.

I'm going to go play with my new little
friend.

I don't know what I'm going to do if
Quick doesn't come back. Oh, don't

I'm sure Tasha and Johnny will find him.

Quick can handle things, right?

Oh, I hope so, because my cuddly
thoughts of Jamie Quick help me sleep at

I haven't slept a full night in a long
time.

Sounds like you're troubled.

Maxine, look.

I did some things I'm not too proud of.

Of course, Cobler's in a totally
different league.

Well, it sounds like you need to
confront Cobler, not to mention your own

conscience. Funny.

That's what Quick said.

He's so smart.

More than that.

Sure saved my butt.

You know that's how he wound up in the
loony bin.

Does this have anything to do with that
photo of Quick that Kay found?

He didn't tell you that one, did he? Oh!

Yeah, of course.

Heard it a million times, but, you know,
you can tell me again.

Okay.

Q and I had this wild night on the town,
and we were sneaking back on base when

these MPs saw us.

Man, I mean, we were so busted.

Anyways, but another night in the brig,
and I would have got court -martialed.

Uh -uh.

So quick, causes this diversion so that
I can sneak back into the barracks.

What divergent? What? What?

Tell me more. What?

That is one loyal brother.

Tell me what's in the jar.

I hate to ruin your feel -good moment,
but you have a laser lord's training

session?

Wait, wait a minute now. Wait, wait. You
didn't finish your story.

I just talked to BJ, and I am worried to
death about Quick.

Well, you know what? That is why I am
calling. I just read his astrological

chart, and you're not going to believe
it. His Taurus is double parked in the

last space on the moon, which confirms
the fact that Quick Williams can do

anything. Oh, oh, you know what? I
almost found out what Quick's big army

was, and then I blew it.

Oh, well, I can just find it from my
chart.

Smoking's bad for you.

You know what else is?

Me.

We're looking for a friend of ours.

It's the wrong answer.

Hey, am I doing this right? Isn't this
supposed to paralyze the left side of

your body?

That's a typical Western pressure point.
Let me show you another.

The beauty of this one is you can't even
hear him scream.

See? Nothing.

Oh, I see where you're going.

Let me show you this one.

This is kind of neat.

I was doing this last week when a guy
was going to spill his guts.

He ended up spilling his liver and his
spleen also.

I think he kept his appendix. I can't
remember.

Okay, okay.

I'll tell you.

We're listening.

How'd your cat with Patty DiFlorio go?

While dangling her out the window, she
happened to mention the account

The money's ours.

Nice work, baby.

Time to blow this town.

Once we tie up a loose end.

Finishing. What's the matter?

Can't you do it yourself?

I want to get my clothes dirty, man.

Nice phone.

You won't be needing it.

Coburn!

You'll be seeing me again.

Look at you.

You're crowding the plate.

Restructs. You're right.

Get off!

BJ's bumming hard. He can't concentrate.

Oh, hunk of burning love needs a serious
pick -me -up.

Bell,

in the flesh.

My main man's okay.

Well, don't order your party rental yet
because Cobra's skipping town. And he's

got your money, Quick's wallet, and
Quick's cell phone.

Cobra's leaving?

Damn!

There's more to life than money.

It's not the cash.

It's just like you and Quick said.

I have to confront Kobler, and I have to
set everything straight.

Ooh, ooh, I know how to get a hold of
him.

We'll call him on a quick cell phone.

Yeah? I got someone who wants to talk to
you, buster.

Hey, old buddy.

BJ, what a nice surprise.

Let it all out.

No mercy.

Yeah, I'm sick and tired of you, Kobler.

You're nothing but a sadistic freak.

Yeah, who can't dress to save his life?

Go to hell, man.

That's it, BJ, that's it.

Tell him what you know. Tell him you
know what he did.

Yeah, listen, you can't run and hide
from the past anymore, because I'm going

finish you off.

Oh, yeah, have fun trying. I got your
five mil, and I'm clearing out.

Yeah, well, that five million doesn't
mean anything after me and the guy spill

everything. Well, then you'll go down,
too, hero.

Yeah? Well, guess what? I'll take my
chances. It's time to come clean.

Eleven Bravo did a lot of bad stuff, and
you were the king of the nasty.

You're going down the hardest.

You know what your problem is, BJ? You
don't know when to shut your big trap.

I'm going to do the world a favor and
tear your head off.

Now, why don't you come over and try it?
I'm not afraid of you anymore, Kobler.

So you listen up.

How about you and me, mano a mano, in
the laser ring right now?

All right.

You're a dead man. Yeah? Well, bring it
on, sucker.

I'm the pack heavy.

Letting Bravo pick a bad day to grow a
conscience.

Cobbler's coming here?

Yup. And he's going down.

Big, Bozo, no, no.

Cobbler is a cheater. He's gonna bring
his whole flock of freaks over here and

totally wipe us all out.

Just in case we have to stall, let's
find some weapons.

Okay, okay, okay.

Oh, yeah, a bomb thingy. I can blow
Colbert a bit.

Um, actually, that's a small bomb from
our special effects department.

Sorry.

Might come in handy.

Look, why don't you guys just let me
fight Colbert in the ring?

I mean, I can take him.

No, no, this is VIP's job. You want to
take Cobbler down. We don't want to see

you mash him into an icky pulp.

Go sit this one out.

In here, okay?

Yeah, Max will keep you company.

Okay, got it all, got it all.

Think, think, think.

why the army put Quick in the
psychiatric ward.

Apparently, he was running across the
base. You got it, Coleman. Go.

Bye, guys. I gotta go.

Make it a saber.

All right. Don't shoot until I say I'll
remember.

If he did mine, go.

I know you're in here!

I can sense it.

Come on out!

Halt!

Nobody enter the Sacred Laser Lord's
battleground. Prepare to meet the wrath

Andromeda.

Where the hell is BJ?

How dare you talk to Andromeda in that
tone?

Now!

Provide an offering, or I'll be forced
to destroy you.

Ha! That's not a very nice offering.

I don't know where B .J. is, and it'll
take a billion years for you to find

so... You can always just give me a
message, and I'll be glad to give it to

because he'll... Are you stalling me?

Uh... Am I doing a good job?

Ha!

He's coming!

bj myself bj is not your problem cobalt
i

am i should have wasted you myself go
for it

You'd be seeing me again.

I wanted BJ.

with Andromeda.

Just about to put our clothes on when we
got spotted by these MPs. So to save my

height, because I was already on
probation.

Quick.

Quick goes dashing across Fort Irving.
You can see it all right here on the Kay

Simmons Palm Pilot Network.

However, viewer discretion is advised.

Give me that. I have been dying to find
out what good secret is. No, you pushed

the wrong button. Oops, you just beamed
the information to the big screen TV.

Hey, what's going on?

Oh, nothing. Absolutely nothing. You
know what? Let's just go back to the

I have some lipstick back there that I
need you to... Hey, hey, hey. It's cool.

I've got nothing to be ashamed of. Hey,
which one of you lovely ladies wants to

buy me a drink?

And now for another VIP top secret
technical briefing. Today's subject,

arts. I used to be a professional boxer.

So I've always been able to handle
myself in a fight. It fits well with my

athletic training. For my bodyguard
work, I primarily study shoulder counter

right. It emphasizes powerful blows and
kicks.

Concentration of force.

Breath control.

Center of gravity.

Timing and speed.

I've been studying martial arts since I
was a kid.

When I was making movies in Hong Kong, I
learned some pretty flashy moves.

I study jiu -jitsu, kung fu, karate, all
these different styles, and there's a

lot to learn from each of them, but my
preference is the looser style of Jeet

Kune Do, which incorporates the
strengths of a lot of these styles, so

lot more versatile. You've got more
tools that you can use.

Let me show you another.

You can't even hear him scream.

But you know what? When it comes to the
real world, you have to go by what

really works.

But then, you know, every now and then a
little flash doesn't hurt either.