All language subtitles for Two Guys and a Girl s04e17 Adventures of Captain Karma

It's fun. What a great idea to make a
snowman in, in my likeness.

I'm surprised it didn't melt. You're so
hot.

Hey!

Cool! Check it out!

The creator, Captain Karma, is going to
be at Pee -wee's Comics. You want to

come? I think I'll skip the funny book
carnival.

Oh! I'm late!

It's Hokey Pokey Day at my roller
skating class.

Oh, do you want to come?

No, the last time I put my whole self
in, I got in a lot of trouble.

You're making fun of me. I know.

Oh, my God. No, I'm not.

I love how unique you are, you know?
You're one of a kind. You are like my

little dodo bird. Oh.

I am so, so happy that you are in my
life.

Oh, well, I am too, sir.

I mean, I, uh...

Be careful when you shake it all about.

That's sweet.

Irene? Yeah? I love you.

That's sweet.

Tell me again, what trimester are you
in?

Ooh, I told Irene that I loved her.

Oh, really?

Wow, wow. I'm shocked.

I mean, I'm happy for you. No, not yet.
I'm still shocked.

Yeah, well, uh... She didn't say it
back.

Oh, no, no, no. She probably didn't hear
you. That's happened to me before.

the first time that I said it first.

And the first time I meant it, I might
add.

Yeah, that's nice. Do I need to tell you
what ice cream does to chenille?

Jeez.

I told her I loved her.

And she laughed.

I didn't even get a ditto.

All right, you know what? The first
thing you need to do is stop watching

ghosts.

But sometimes you need a good cry.

All right, now.

Look, just give Irene some time. She'll
come around.

You think? Yeah.

Yeah, but meanwhile, look, don't sit
here wallowing in self -pity.

You know, go find your smile.

Hey, look, look, Captain Karma's in
town. Go see him. You like him.

I do love Captain Karma.

Superhero friends will be there.

You know,

go enjoy yourself and don't think about
Irene.

You know what? You're right, Pete. You
are right.

Hey.

You're a good friend.

Ditto.

You're the coolest, Captain Karma.

Thank you.

Oh, my God.

I know you. You're Mikey Bergen.

And you're... someone who knows me.

I'm Katie Connor.

We went to high school together.

Uh, no.

No, we didn't. If there were girls who
looked like you in high school, we

wouldn't have had to turn out the lights
at the dances.

Well, I do look a little different now.
I was, uh, four inches shorter and about

50 pounds heavier.

Remember?

Oh, and I had a lazy eye and I used to
wear a patch.

made patches.

Right, right. And I had scurvy and a
hump.

Yeah.

Well, I guess you wouldn't remember me.
I mean, you were a senior and I was a

geeky freshman.

Because of you, I went to see every
performance of Oklahoma.

Oh, well, yeah. I was supposed to be a
rancher, but they need another cowgirl

for the dance.

I can't believe I ran into you after all
these years.

It's like Destiny or something.

Destiny, that's the name of Captain
Karma's robotic horse. Ride, Destiny,

You want a bunch of geese.

Here's one perfect for a couple of
firefighters like us, the boys of Fire

Island.

Johnny, Johnny. You got two thumbs up.

Yeah.

Those aren't thumbs.

Oh, Johnny, thank God you're wearing
your big boy pants.

Hey, turn around.

What?

Great news. We're going to a business
mixer tonight.

I don't want to go to a business mixer.

Oh, I'm sorry. I meant free booze.

I can't. I'm going to the movies with
Pete tonight.

Oh, that sounds like fun. What are you
going to see?

Not gay porn.

No, seriously, sweetie, I can't go to
this thing. I am going to the movies

Pete. I know, that sounds like fun. Tuck
in your shirt.

I'm not kidding.

I know, baby.

I know you all not to know when you're
kidding. Lift up your arms.

All right.

Jared, you can't just come in here and
change his plans.

Pete, I wouldn't dream of it. Put your
arms down.

I think it's great that you guys are
hanging out. Yeah.

Okay. Night, Pete. You guys have fun at
the movie.

Ashley, I didn't see you there.

So, it's Friday night. Do you have
plans? Or do you want to borrow my home

facial kit again?

I have a date tonight.

Oh, I have a date too. Oh, well then
I'll let you get ready. I'm sure you

to shed your skin.

Well, you have a good time.

Oh, and don't forget to tip your date.

You know what? It might interest you to
know that my date is in fact not a

hooker.

She happens to be a Rhodes Scholar
-splashed nymphomaniac.

Great. Then she'll be bored and
frustrated.

Sweetie, sweetie, sweetie, stop
fidgeting. I don't know what I'm doing

Okay, you know what? If we're going to
look like a real law firm, we're going

need more than one lawyer. So for
tonight, you're the silent partner.

But I'm not a lawyer. You're the
silent...

I want you to meet my husband, Johnny.
It's good to know you. You look nice.

See, I told you this wasn't going to be
so bad.

I'd rather be on a fun ship cruise with
my ex -wife and her mother.

And I'd rather be working for a
prestigious lawyer.

Let's start mingling.

Okay, here are some business cards.
Whoa, business cards.

I always wanted to have business cards.

Okay, so I want you to give every one of
those to a prospective client tonight.

Here you go, Sharon.

work the buffet line you cover these
tables john you want to come with you

or here at all go get him tiger boy your
wife has a way of getting what she

wants doesn't she yeah i think so but i
should really check with her let me buy

you a drink my wife said they were free
why do you think i'm buying

We should just buy it.

Hey, Pete.

Oh, what is it now?

Does this look like a four or a nine to
you?

It looks like a... What?

That Jughead, he can't eat that many
burgers.

It's a four. And who's Katie? She's the
cute girl I ran into at the comic book

store.

Bert, how old is she?

We used to go to high school together,
and man, has she changed.

That's looking one -eyed fat girl I've
ever seen.

What about Irene? I know she's a kook,
but she's got to give the chubby cyclops

a run for her money.

Meeting Katie was destiny.

No, what are you doing? Bert, no.

No, it wasn't destiny. It was a
coincidence.

You just, you bumped into the girl once.
No, no, I bumped into her on the same

day my girlfriend, more or less, says
she hates me. Pete, see, I think

everything in life happens for a reason,
you know? Katie, Katie was put there to

show me that there's someone else out
there better for me. I know it. I know

you're hurt, okay? And I know this girl
probably makes you feel better about

yourself, but don't, don't use destiny
as some excuse to bail on your

relationship with Irene.

Oh, you're right.

You're right. What am I thinking?

There you go.

You know what?

I'm going to go talk this through with
Irene right after my shift at the

hospital. Maybe stop by recovery, steal
some flowers.

Er, well, that's not nice.

Take it from a guy in a coma, he'll
never know.

Okay,

before I go...

Before I go, I want you to keep him on
an IV drip at 200 cc's and, uh, give

yourself 50 cc's.

You know, this wheelchair is really
unnecessary.

I just jammed my finger playing
basketball.

Oh, you know, I played ball when I was
in college.

Could have gone pro, but I lost my gym
bag.

Oh, my God.

Berg?

Katie! How? What? Are you okay?

Oh, yeah.

I just dove for a loose ball. and I jam
my finger.

Well, see, that's why I don't golf.

I, uh... I think I can take it from
here. Thank you. Oh, I was totally dock

-blocked.

Take a look at that.

Wow. I had no idea you were a doctor.

You know, I always thought you did
something with your A .V. skills.

Well, I do actually run most of the
overhead projectors here at the

See, you've, uh...

You've really jammed this. Are you
ready? Uh -huh. Okay.

How's that feel?

Much better.

Thanks. Yeah. Now you pull my finger.

I can't believe this. I haven't seen you
in eight years, and then I run into you

twice in one day? That is quite a
coincidence. Yeah. No, I don't believe

coincidence. I believe everything
happens for a reason. Really? So do I.

So do I.

Yeah, well, keep ice on that until the
swelling goes down and that should be

fine. Okay.

Well, it was nice bumping into you
again.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, by the way, Berg, I stayed cool.

Excuse me?

In my yearbook, you said that I should
stay cool.

So I did.

believe that you remembered that.

God, are you kidding?

I had one eye and a pituitary
dysfunction.

People weren't lining up to sign my
book.

Oh, your patches!

Oh, I thought you were a boy!

You weren't the only one.

The prime queen asked me to the dance.

Oh, God, I wish I asked you to the
dance.

Why are you looking at me like that?

I don't know.

You know, you're just kind of special.

Right, Destiny, right.

What a coincidence. I was just hiding
from you.

Move, move, move, move.

It's okay.

I'm a doctor.

So what happened to your big evening?

Same thing that happened to your
imaginary date.

I am not that pathetic. She's parking
the car.

Wow. You let her drive the imaginary
Porsche?

All right, all right. Let's just admit
it. Fine.

I really didn't have a date. All right.

My date cancels. She's underwear
shopping for our date tomorrow night.

So, what are you going to see?

Well, I want to see that Ukrainian film,
but it's sold out.

Man, how small can that theater be?

So what are you going to see?

Well, the only thing left is that
romantic comedy, but I hate romantic

Why? Your whole love life's a joke.

What? I can read the marquee backwards
in your oily forehead.

Hey, what's that romantic comedy about?

Well, it's about two people who hate
each other for two hours. Then they wind

doing it.

Who writes this crap?

One, please.

Nice, that's it.

I handed out all my business cards.
Yeah, me too.

You know, if even a single person
called, then this night was a success.

Johnny, sweetie, what's that in your
pocket?

Honey, I don't think that game's really
appropriate right now.

Oh,

those. Yeah.

Yeah, Mark gave them to me. Yeah, see,
whenever I save someone from a fire, I'm

going to slip them one of your cards
while they're still strapped to the

stretcher and high on oxygen.

Mark, I had to jump through hoops to get
us invited to this stupid thing.

Sharon, I can't pretend to be somebody
I'm not. Neither can my clients.

I don't even know what I was thinking
inviting you here.

I guess I was just trying to convince
you that you're a better lawyer than you

pretend to be. But, I mean, who am I
kidding?

I can't make a difference.

You're such a failure.

No, no, no, no, no, Sharon. You're not a
failure.

You're a failure's assistant.

All right, all right. Give me the cards.
I'll do it.

Baby.

Yes?

Are you fake crying?

Finally starting to pick up on that.

Man, that movie was bad.

Good call on the beer run.

Those empties make a lot of noise when
they roll down to the front.

You know, I don't know whether it's the
beer talking or the Kahlua or the

tequila.

But I had a great time.

Whoever it was, they should brush their
teeth.

That's funny.

You're funny. I like it when we say mean
things to each other.

No, wait a minute.

I like it when I say mean things to you,
and then you just kind of stare at me

and go, big words make my head hurt.

Hey,

let me ask you something. Do you believe
in destiny?

Yeah, I do.

I didn't really think about it until
tonight.

I mean, look at what happened.

I mean, all we try to do is avoid one
another.

Yet tonight, despite all the lies and
all the different movie theaters to

from, we wind up together.

You know what? I had a great time. I had
a great time with you tonight.

What? What's so funny?

If you were anyone else, I'd think you
were coming on to me.

If you were anybody else, maybe I would
be.

Hey!

Guess what?

Destiny strikes again.

friends from flag corps no we've grown
apart

i'm looking at what that girl katie
wrote not a comic book girl listen to

berg i doubt you'll even read this but
if you do you should know the only thing

i liked about school is the chance that
i might see you and lunch you're gonna

leave these awkward teenage years behind
and go on to do great things i only

wish that i could be there to see it

See ya, Katie.

Pia, school's a bummer. Have a great
summer.

That's it.

I'm calling her.

Hey, Bird.

You were very pretty in Oklahoma.

Hey, Pete, where the... Where is your
number? I threw it in here. Did you take

it to trash?

It was its destiny.

We're all plastic bags. Do I bother you
when you're going through the trash?

Look, I want to explain about what
happened earlier.

Okay, hold on. Don't worry about it,
okay? There's no need to explain. No,

there is.

Look, you told me you loved me, and I
froze.

I guess when you dream about something
for so long, and then it finally

it takes your breath away.

You know, I had to catch my breath
for...

Okay. And if I'd been able to, what I
would have said is, I

love you, too.

I love you, Michael Berg.

Ditto.

It's a little funky.

Why don't you come in? I'll fix you
something fresh.

Okay, yeah, just give me a minute. I'll
be right out. I'm just going to grab the

garbage here.

Hey, look, look.

Captain Karma's in town. Go see him.

You don't... I'll just keep stuffing
this up my nose, baby.

I didn't find that the Bergster, did I?

Well, uh... Dying is slow and painful,
Dad.

It was.