All language subtitles for Two Guys and a Girl s04e10 Rescue Me

It's great.

I don't know why every restaurant
doesn't have an early bird special.

Yeah, um, are you sure we should be
here? I mean, I have my own teeth. That

disqualify me.

Hey, uh, hey, you want to cause some
trouble?

Bingo!

Man, it's taking the girls so long. I'm
getting hungry. Yeah, I know. It's

almost 4 .30. We have to be asleep by 7.

This is just as boring as work.

There's no fires, no deaths. I swear,
sometimes it feels like there's this

cloud hanging over my head.

I know what you mean. They give all the
near fatalities to the experienced

doctors. I spend my day draining a quart
of pasta out of some guy's ear.

I guess I'll skip the soup.

They can't pull me over. I didn't do
anything.

Oh, it's the sobriety checkpoint.

Well, you haven't been drinking, so it's
not a big deal. Unless you happen to

live in a democracy.

Oh, God, here we go. This is just like
the time you got kicked off the plane

because you refused to put up your tray
table.

That flight attendant was on a power
trip. You made him cry.

Well, I don't believe in allowing my
rights to be boot -stepped on.

Okay, okay, here's the plan. You don't
speak English.

Coming, officer.

Hold on your window.

Look down, look down, look down. We have
done nothing wrong.

I know. That's why I'm not telling you
to unbutton your blouse.

Um, I can still see a little. Maybe you
want to hit me with your pepper spray.

And that didn't get us off to a good
start, did it?

So maybe you should have thought of that
before you stopped me.

Is there a reason you didn't roll your
window down?

A little thing called the Third
Amendment.

The quartering of soldiers during
peacetime?

Okay, fine. The Fourth Amendment.

And the handle knob is a little bit
sticky.

Is she always like this?

You ladies haven't been drinking
tonight, have you? None of your

Oh, no, no, no. She's always like this
when she's sober.

She'd be all over you if she were drunk.

Yeah, well, I'll take your word for it.

So is there anything else, or do you
want to drag me out of the car and beat

with your flashlight?

Well, there's what I'd like to do, and
there's what they allow me to do.

You ladies have a good night.

How obnoxious.

But you are fun to shop with.

Hey, look, there's old Mr. Lockwood. He
just retired from the carpet business.

Yeah, I think that's one of his old
samples on top of his head.

Where'd you get that thing, anyway?

I bought it for my baby so we could
record our first Christmas as husband

wife. Isn't that sweet?

How can you afford it?

Go on. Tell him, honey. Oh, I can't. I'm
going to return it after the holidays.

Here's to having a pup.

All right. All right. That's enough. Get
that thing away from me.

You can put it at me.

When you watch this later.

Put it to music.

Where was that camera when my
constitutional rights were being

Ashley, Ashley, we are so sick and tired
of hearing how you haven't had a date

in three months.

What are you talking about?

Oh, what are you talking about?

Where is your moral indignation, people?

Doesn't anyone even care that I was
harassed and humiliated by the police?

We should send the cops a really nice
fruit basket.

Why are you in such a mood?

Well, she took all the presents from
Whoville, and yet they still keep

Okay, that's it. I'm out of here.

Oh, whoa, whoa, Ashley, you can't just
leave like this.

Okay, well, thank you, Johnny. Yeah,
that's right. You still have to put your

new shirt.

Fine. Here.

Oh, okay.

I don't know why I always have to play
the cheapskate, but you forgot to pitch

in for the wine.

Why should I pay for the wine? I didn't
even drink any. Yeah, you know what? And

I just burped up like half my carrots.
Credit me 50 cents.

Fine. Here.

But I'm taking my share.

What's so funny?

I dated her, and now she's everybody's
problem.

I knew I was here.

But it should go a different way.

Because I'm an American and I don't have
to go a different way.

Wow. Stubborn and stupid.

Please tell me you're single.

Sorry, I don't date a man whose head is
smaller than his neck.

Have you been drinking since the last
time I saw you or is this just more of

your personality shining through?

Give me your license, please.

Why?

Oh, usual reason.

Want to see how much you weigh?

Oh, great.

Now you made me spill my wine.

And how have you been drinking that
wine?

Not that I have to answer that, but no.
My friends drank it. You expect me to

believe that?

You have friends.

Listen, officer, I haven't been... Get
in the car, please, ma 'am.

This beef is tough.

Oh, this is beef?

That explains why I can't blow a bubble.

Okay, okay, okay, you ready? On the
count of three.

One, two, three.

Hey, it's like eating with supermodels.

What's so funny?

If I reverse it, I can make the food go
back in your mouth. Look in.

Hey,

I could do that with my belly button.
You want to see?

John, Mr. Lockwood, is he choking?

Sharon, I'm the doctor, okay? That's the
way old people breathe.

Oh, where is she going? This is so
embarrassing.

Oh, my God, he really was choking.

Oh, that's Mr.

Lockwood. So I was right. The guy in the
plaid wasn't choking.

Did you guys see that? Sharon just saved
Mr. Lockwood's life. She's a hero.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let the professionals
handle it. All right, people, there is

nothing to see here. Move along.

Okay, we blew it. Yeah.

Yeah, you know, if the guys at the fire
station get wind of it... Well, the

hospital. Yeah.

You know, we would have looked a lot
better if nobody saved us.

Fortunately, the quick reactions of
Boston resident Sharon Donnelly saved

-year -old Lockwood as Boston
firefighter Pete Dunville and Tufts

Hospital resident Michael Bergen sat
watching.

Here's to having a pulse.

Lockwood's grandson is a station
manager, so I gave them the tape. They

this great jacket. Check it out. I'm a
citizen news hand.

Why'd you have to tell him I'm a doctor,
Johnny? Why?

He said that's what made it a story.
It's what they call a hook.

We are never going to live this down.
Oh, relax.

Nobody even noticed you. They were all
looking at my Sharon because she is a

hero. Oh, Johnny, come on. I'm not a
hero.

I'm a heroine.

How do they know that you saved him? You
know, he's on a fixed income. He could

have just been trying to get out of the
check.

Okay, guys, come on. You're going to
have plenty of opportunity to save

Yeah, but on television?

Maybe you could start saving lives in
community theater, and then just work

way up.

Hello? Oh, hey, Ash.

Hey, Sharon. I was wondering if you
could help me out.

Oh, what was that? You need help?

Lucky you didn't call Peter Berg.

I need you to feed my fish and pick up
my mail and water my plants.

Ash, uh, that sounds like something for
a maid, and frankly, I'm a...

Well, I had a good day, too. I found out
that I'm worth more on the street than

I am at the hospital.

You can't silence me.

You can bind my hands. You can shackle
my feet. But I will be heard.

I bet you'd like to throw the switch
right about now.

Sharon, what are you doing here? Oh,
here. I came to get you out. I have your

release papers.

No. No, I am not leaving.

I'm staying until my arraignment
tomorrow to prove my point.

But, okay, those weren't just your
papers. My parking validation was in

Sharon, I'm sorry, but I'm standing up
for something here, and it's not just

We are prisoners of conscience.

You know what?

I am going to call Amnesty
International. That's who I'm going to

Good. Order me some curly fries.

Ash, please.

Come on home. You know, you can get some
rest there, and then you can shower

before court tomorrow.

No, Sharon.

Freedom never rests.

Truth doesn't shower.

Can I just ask you something?

How did you not pass the sobriety test?

I exercise my rights, and I refuse to
take it.

Your rights are what, be stupid?

Sharon, I don't expect you to
understand, and you're free to think

stupid, but without my principles, what
am I?

I'm just... Some middle class do
-nothing who'd rather go along with the

than stand up for what she believes in.

So, I do appreciate your concern, but
I'm not afraid to spend the night in

to get my day in court.

Wow. And I was proud of myself for
recycling.

Well, that's just how we're different.

Yeah. Yeah.

So proud of you. You know what? I'm
going to be there with you in court

tomorrow. Thank you. Okay.

All right.

You should be ashamed of yourself.

How long do we have to sit here and wait
for somebody to choke?

I mean...

It's like expecting lightning to strike
twice. Give it time.

Good afternoon, ma 'am.

Hi. Try the pot roast.

What was that?

It's just a cough. Stand down.

Guys, maybe we should try someplace a
little more dangerous.

Hey, there's an air show in town.
They're always having crashes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
We'll bring our spatula.

It's finals time at Harvard. I say we go
and hang out under one of the dorm

windows.

I don't want to save one of those guys.

Hey, look, maybe we can go watch
Johnny's hockey game. You guys still

before those, right?

Sorry, no games for a couple of weeks
yet. Ice hasn't thickened yet.

Kids have been falling through all week.

The lake!

The lake!

Come on, quick! We're kicking the ball
through without us!

That's a nice coat. Thanks.

My Nana got it for me last Christmas.
That's nice. Is it warm? Yeah, it's

reversible, too.

Hey, let's go save a life.

Next case, 14557 Commonwealth of
Massachusetts versus Ashley Walker

on the charge of operating a motor
vehicle under the influence. How do you

plead? Your Honor,

Grandfathers laid down their lives so we
could enjoy freedom from government

intrusion. And this, I think you... I'm
sorry.

I really hate to interrupt.

Could you approach the bench, please?

Now look, I am fighting a major headache
here.

So I'm going to try to save us both some
time.

Now this hearing is really a formality.
Oh. Yeah.

You plead guilty, and I sentence you to
six months of substance abuse classes.

Understood? Yeah. Okay.

I think I can handle it from here.

Go back.

Ms.

Walker, how do you plead?

Not guilty.

Please.

Yes, you. Thank you.

You know, I... I really don't think
you're getting quite how this goes.

Oh, yeah, I do.

I am a victim of the system.

And I am not going to admit to something
I didn't do.

So, if it pleases the court, I would now
like to present my

first witness.

Uh, bailiffs?

Aspirin? Oh, oh, here.

Here, I've got some, Your Honor. Right
here.

Uh, yeah.

I was with the perp on the night in
question.

And I can say unequivocally that she was
not drinking.

Oh, that's interesting, because
according to the report, she was in the

alone.

Yeah, well, I don't know what she was
doing in the car.

So she could have been drinking when you
weren't around.

You know, she could have. She did have
an open bottle.

Exactly. Oh, you are good.

Your Honor, there is a basic right to
travel freely in this country without

being harassed by the police. Yes, kind
of like the basic right not to have your

luggage searched while at the airport.

Exactly. No.

Look, look, Miss Walker, I am trying to
save you from a prison sentence here,

which is exactly what you get if you
insist on going any further with this

matter.

happened to innocent until proven
guilty.

Look, checkpoints have been proven
constitutional.

Now, as much as I would like to be in
the Supreme Court, the president wants

here.

Just in case somebody shoplifts a
chocolate bar.

So, you plead guilty to having a problem
with alcohol, and I will sentence you

to a treatment program.

Or you can go to trial and possibly
serve six months to a year in jail.

Now, what were you saying?

Well, if you would let me get a word in.

I was going to say.

My name is Ashley, and I am an
alcoholic.

Great, there's no kids here.

Look, look, some do -gooder put up a
sign to warn the kids.

Let's rip it down and throw it behind
that line. You bet.

Guys, guys, guys.

Come on, it's getting cold. Let's go.

No, no, come on, Johnny. We can't go
home. That's got to be something we can

Hey, you're a big guy. Go out onto the
ice.

Oh, oh, oh, good idea, good idea, okay?
Here's the plan, all right? When Johnny

falls in, I'm going to pull him out,
okay? And you're going to wrap him in a

blanket. Oh, great, so you're the hero
and I'm what, the stewardess?

Forget about it.

There's no way you're getting me out
there on that ice.

Great, all your wallet's out there.

All right, I need a stick.

I don't think a stick's going to reach
that. No, it's to beat Pete.

Come on, Johnny. Got two professional
lifesavers here to save you. It's gonna

fun. Now get the camera to Burke.

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm not
holding the camera. You're holding the

camera, Buck. I'm not holding the
camera.

Give the camera to one of the kids.

What are you, new? The kids aren't gonna
take the camera. The kids won't even

know how to work the camera. This is a
highly technical piece of equipment, you

guys. Are you listening?

Holy crap, there's kids on the ice.

This isn't right. This isn't a good
idea.

You're right. There's like a bunch of
them, and we only have one blanket.

Check it out. I found a wallet.

Come on, kids. Get off the ice. Yeah,
give me back my wallet.

Lick my skates.

Nice mouth for a hockey player.

Hey, hey, kids. All right, come on. Get
off the ice, all right? It isn't safe.

Yeah? Well, I'm pretty sure it's a lot
safer than hanging out with three old

creeps and a video camera.

Okay, I got my eye on you, 31.

Did you hear that?

Was that the eye?

I know, but you can't expect him to send
in a minute drunk out on the highway.

Miss Walker?

You're late. The trial's over.

You'll be happy to know he suspended my
driver's license.

Well, actually, I was hoping to get your
phone number and maybe take you out to

dinner sometime.

obnoxious and has nothing but contempt
for you.

Well, what repels me as a cop attracts
me as a man.

Man, do you so not know how to read a
situation.

Okay, the top number is my home phone
number, and if you can't reach me there,

there's my cell phone and my pager.

All right, okay.

And if you get bored later, I'll be at
my checkpoint.

I'll bring the wine.

What?

What? After everything that he put you
through, you're going out on a date with

him?

Sharon, I just got sprung from the
slammer. Can't a girl get a little

for the two men, the quick -thinking
children formed a human chain of life

pulled them out of the icy waters to
safety.

Come on, you, the big one, use your bat!

Ironically, the two men are both
professional lifesavers, Dr. Michael

Fireman Pete Dunkirk.

What? Dunkirk?

It's Dunville, you idiot!

I am calling that station.

You pointed at me. I assure you, general
viewer, there are no special effects,

no trick photography. I am, in fact,
this handsome.

How do I know you?

You had a little piece of lettuce right
here. I know, I

know. It's right there. I just wanted to
go F -O -F.

You got that?

You're doing great.

Yeah, thanks.