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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:15,980 --> 00:00:17,800 I twisted my knee. Oh, nothing. 2 00:00:18,100 --> 00:00:21,300 If it weren't for him, Chairman Meow would still be stuck in the rain gutter. 3 00:00:22,080 --> 00:00:24,100 I'm a super. I'll just burn the job, man. 4 00:00:24,780 --> 00:00:27,140 Irene, get that thing away from me. I told you, I'm allergic. 5 00:00:27,620 --> 00:00:28,740 See, look, a hive. 6 00:00:31,960 --> 00:00:33,760 I got a hair in my throat. 7 00:00:36,460 --> 00:00:38,820 Well, Chairman Meow's had a hard day. 8 00:00:39,380 --> 00:00:41,520 I'm going to put a little Kahlua in his milk. 9 00:00:42,260 --> 00:00:43,860 And a little nip for Mommy. 10 00:00:47,950 --> 00:00:50,370 Okay, okay, let's just get you comfortable. 11 00:00:50,590 --> 00:00:51,590 Thank you. 12 00:00:54,050 --> 00:01:00,270 Are you all right? Yes, it just ain't this red thing. 13 00:01:00,890 --> 00:01:02,450 What are you? You're not even a couch. 14 00:01:06,690 --> 00:01:07,690 Hey, what's this? 15 00:01:27,079 --> 00:01:28,079 Hey, 16 00:01:29,200 --> 00:01:30,200 this is Berg and Pete. 17 00:01:30,640 --> 00:01:31,640 Huh? 18 00:01:32,640 --> 00:01:37,180 What is... Oh, my God! 19 00:01:37,800 --> 00:01:39,060 That's Irene's apartment! 20 00:01:40,040 --> 00:01:42,260 The old super had this whole building under surveillance. 21 00:01:43,920 --> 00:01:45,120 What's that doing? Ah! 22 00:01:47,020 --> 00:01:48,020 Ah! 23 00:01:48,300 --> 00:01:49,320 Oh, my God! 24 00:01:49,700 --> 00:01:51,600 He had a monitor in his own apartment? 25 00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:53,100 That is just vain! 26 00:01:55,660 --> 00:01:56,660 Should I get more bangs? 27 00:01:57,800 --> 00:01:58,800 Look, there's Ashley. 28 00:02:00,280 --> 00:02:02,960 Oh, she's crying. 29 00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:05,540 Hey, there's Berg making a phone call. 30 00:02:07,960 --> 00:02:09,360 Look, he called Ashley. 31 00:02:11,520 --> 00:02:12,780 And hung up. 32 00:02:15,500 --> 00:02:17,380 Oh, Ashley, you started 69ing. 33 00:02:30,380 --> 00:02:32,780 each other, and they're just too proud to make the first move. 34 00:02:34,560 --> 00:02:36,860 Oh, no, honey, you know what? I don't think you should interfere. 35 00:02:37,220 --> 00:02:41,300 If God did not want me to interfere, then why did he send me these monitors 36 00:02:41,300 --> 00:02:42,300 knock you off a roof? 37 00:02:45,660 --> 00:02:49,620 Hey, Berg. 38 00:02:50,140 --> 00:02:51,260 I'm Substitute Super. 39 00:02:51,460 --> 00:02:52,460 All the work? 40 00:02:52,540 --> 00:02:53,540 None the butt crack. 41 00:02:54,500 --> 00:02:55,500 Came to fix your sink. 42 00:02:55,680 --> 00:02:56,680 It's not broken. 43 00:02:57,640 --> 00:02:58,640 Berg, wait. 44 00:02:58,740 --> 00:02:59,740 Who's wearing the hammer? 45 00:03:03,690 --> 00:03:06,550 You're the super. But you know who's really super? Ashley. 46 00:03:11,050 --> 00:03:12,650 Yeah, you see, you do have a leak. 47 00:03:15,570 --> 00:03:18,450 What is with me lately? I keep misplacing stuff. 48 00:03:18,670 --> 00:03:21,350 My sunglasses, my Patriots hat. 49 00:03:23,430 --> 00:03:24,870 Have you seen my puka shells? 50 00:03:25,410 --> 00:03:26,410 Hey, hey, hey, hey. 51 00:03:26,710 --> 00:03:27,790 Hey, ease up. 52 00:03:28,150 --> 00:03:29,450 Can't you see the man's lonely? 53 00:03:30,030 --> 00:03:32,990 Why don't you go up and talk to Ashley? Ashley, she's upstairs feeling lonely, 54 00:03:33,070 --> 00:03:34,370 too. Really? 55 00:03:34,610 --> 00:03:35,930 Bert, forget Ashley. 56 00:03:36,170 --> 00:03:39,630 Listen, there's this girl at work I can set you up with. She's a body model. 57 00:03:39,870 --> 00:03:41,770 They use parts of her body in movies. 58 00:03:42,210 --> 00:03:43,210 Is she pretty? 59 00:03:43,890 --> 00:03:44,890 I don't know. 60 00:03:46,370 --> 00:03:47,370 Good enough for me. 61 00:03:49,010 --> 00:03:52,490 Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute. Obviously there's something wrong with 62 00:03:52,490 --> 00:03:53,530 mean, why don't you ask her out? 63 00:03:53,810 --> 00:03:58,010 Oh, yeah, and make everyone sit through another sexual harassment lecture? 64 00:04:01,320 --> 00:04:02,320 Get me your number. 65 00:04:06,620 --> 00:04:07,620 Hello? 66 00:04:08,140 --> 00:04:09,140 Yeah. 67 00:04:09,360 --> 00:04:10,620 Yeah, okay, I'll tell her. All right. 68 00:04:11,520 --> 00:04:12,980 Johnny said you're going to need caulking. 69 00:04:13,240 --> 00:04:14,940 Oh, oh, oh. Okay, thank you. 70 00:04:18,339 --> 00:04:19,640 That's what I'll tell him when I see him. 71 00:04:24,820 --> 00:04:25,820 Hey, pretty cat. 72 00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:28,000 I'm allergic. 73 00:04:28,280 --> 00:04:29,280 Allergic to courage. 74 00:04:33,580 --> 00:04:35,040 That's funny. You want to hear something funnier? 75 00:04:35,680 --> 00:04:37,380 I set Berg up on a date. 76 00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:41,060 Well, I guess those who can't, fed up. 77 00:04:42,360 --> 00:04:46,100 Actually, look, when you smirk like that, you can see the little web of 78 00:04:46,100 --> 00:04:47,100 around your eyes. 79 00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:04,040 was you. You know how? Every time you knock on the door, the cats run to the 80 00:05:04,040 --> 00:05:05,040 other side of the apartment. 81 00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:10,500 Well, aren't they smarter than their owner? 82 00:05:12,700 --> 00:05:16,980 He made me promise not to tell, but Pete is secretly in love with you. 83 00:05:17,540 --> 00:05:19,400 Well, then why does he always avoid me? 84 00:05:20,420 --> 00:05:22,860 Partly because he's shy, but mostly because he's stupid. 85 00:05:23,660 --> 00:05:24,940 I knew it. 86 00:05:25,260 --> 00:05:28,480 Well, I'll get that little almond out of his shell. 87 00:05:34,220 --> 00:05:35,220 Hey, Sharon. What are you doing? 88 00:05:35,400 --> 00:05:39,340 Oh, spreading love and cocking. 89 00:05:42,420 --> 00:05:43,420 Sit down. 90 00:05:43,680 --> 00:05:47,340 Oh, yeah. Well, Pete just told me that he set Berg up on a date. 91 00:05:47,740 --> 00:05:49,620 I guess it upset me more than I thought it would. 92 00:05:49,880 --> 00:05:52,960 Well, he doesn't want to go out with her. He misses you. That's why he keeps 93 00:05:52,960 --> 00:05:53,960 calling and hanging up. 94 00:05:54,360 --> 00:05:55,360 He told you that? 95 00:05:55,820 --> 00:05:58,940 Yeah, and that's not all he told me. He's only going out on that date to make 96 00:05:58,940 --> 00:05:59,719 you jealous. 97 00:05:59,720 --> 00:06:02,420 God, what a jerk. Yeah, and you've got to be a bigger jerk. 98 00:06:02,660 --> 00:06:03,660 Oh, I don't know. 99 00:06:03,920 --> 00:06:05,020 Come on, I know you can. 100 00:06:07,740 --> 00:06:10,480 Yeah, just beat him to the punch. Find a date of your own. 101 00:06:14,020 --> 00:06:17,420 Hey. Hey. What happened? I couldn't see Ashley's reaction. It kept blocking my 102 00:06:17,420 --> 00:06:19,920 shot. The camera loves you. Stop it. 103 00:06:21,360 --> 00:06:24,440 Okay, I told Ashley about Berg's date with the body parts model and said that 104 00:06:24,440 --> 00:06:26,280 she should just grab any guy she can get her hands on. 105 00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:28,200 I thought you wanted them to get together. 106 00:06:28,830 --> 00:06:29,830 Baby, baby, baby. 107 00:06:30,210 --> 00:06:33,150 Nothing ignites true love more than jealousy and insecurity. 108 00:06:35,570 --> 00:06:36,850 Nice work, Cupid. 109 00:06:39,110 --> 00:06:41,410 Ooh, look. Irene took a hit of whipped cream. She's on the move. 110 00:07:05,550 --> 00:07:06,990 Irene's breaking into Pete and Berg's. 111 00:07:08,570 --> 00:07:09,710 Hey, we got to do something. 112 00:07:10,050 --> 00:07:11,250 Yeah, I'll make popcorn. 113 00:07:12,150 --> 00:07:16,410 Oh, my God. 114 00:07:16,990 --> 00:07:19,150 So she's the one that's taking Pete's stuff. 115 00:07:21,150 --> 00:07:22,150 Pete's coming back. 116 00:07:59,660 --> 00:08:01,500 She just bites an apple and leaves it on the counter. 117 00:08:01,720 --> 00:08:02,720 No. 118 00:08:03,040 --> 00:08:04,580 Irene, what is she doing? 119 00:08:19,140 --> 00:08:20,140 Witchcraft. 120 00:08:21,320 --> 00:08:23,520 Wicked witchcraft. 121 00:08:25,580 --> 00:08:27,600 See, there's something in that chair. I can't quite make it out. 122 00:08:44,160 --> 00:08:45,180 We're not turning off these monitors. 123 00:08:47,860 --> 00:08:54,540 You know, honey, you can take the tool belt off now. 124 00:08:54,940 --> 00:08:56,400 Yeah, I don't know. I kind of like it. 125 00:08:58,240 --> 00:08:59,340 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 126 00:09:00,520 --> 00:09:02,800 Berg and the body double are getting comfortable on the couch. 127 00:09:03,880 --> 00:09:06,400 And, of course, now I have to go to the bathroom. 128 00:09:08,640 --> 00:09:10,960 Hollywood is all about looks. 129 00:09:12,020 --> 00:09:14,340 People think of you as just a body. 130 00:09:16,540 --> 00:09:17,760 You're a body double. 131 00:09:18,980 --> 00:09:24,660 I am an actress who happens to act without her face or words. 132 00:09:25,120 --> 00:09:30,020 So without me, a certain star would have had to show her own armpit in G .I. 133 00:09:30,040 --> 00:09:31,040 Jane. 134 00:09:31,610 --> 00:09:33,570 Do you know who I'm talking about? 135 00:09:34,530 --> 00:09:40,230 No, I didn't notice any of the actors. I was so mesmerized by that armpit. 136 00:09:41,330 --> 00:09:42,490 I like you. 137 00:09:47,670 --> 00:09:48,750 All right. 138 00:09:49,150 --> 00:09:50,910 First getting back in the saddle. 139 00:09:52,630 --> 00:09:54,630 I mean, what a whore. 140 00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:12,100 It says, Irene's been taking my stuff. 141 00:10:16,700 --> 00:10:18,360 Why is your couch facing the wall? 142 00:10:18,840 --> 00:10:21,160 Oh, Johnny was entertaining me with his shadow puppets. 143 00:10:25,100 --> 00:10:26,100 That's a buggy. 144 00:10:28,840 --> 00:10:31,240 So Irene's taken your stuff. Who would have guessed, huh? 145 00:10:31,440 --> 00:10:37,760 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was going to go over there and ask for it back, but... Ask 146 00:10:37,760 --> 00:10:38,760 for it back, but... 147 00:10:40,540 --> 00:10:41,519 practical joke. 148 00:10:41,520 --> 00:10:42,520 That's no joke. 149 00:10:44,580 --> 00:10:46,920 And if it is, I don't get it. 150 00:10:48,500 --> 00:10:53,400 Hey, hey, you didn't get it from me, but this is Irene's key and she's not home, 151 00:10:53,480 --> 00:10:55,960 so why don't you just go back in there and get your stuff? No, I can't go over 152 00:10:55,960 --> 00:10:57,220 there. I'm allergic to cats. 153 00:10:58,080 --> 00:10:59,860 Okay, okay, then you're just gonna have to hold your breath. 154 00:11:01,020 --> 00:11:03,760 Uh, you know, uh, Mr. Russell on the third floor, he has some scuba 155 00:11:04,240 --> 00:11:06,520 Yeah, and he's not using it right now. He's just sitting around eating chicken. 156 00:11:14,699 --> 00:11:21,620 chicken. You know what separates 157 00:11:21,620 --> 00:11:24,200 me from five other top surgeons in Boston? 158 00:11:24,960 --> 00:11:26,040 They're interesting? 159 00:11:27,820 --> 00:11:30,600 Nope. I shuffle. 160 00:11:31,340 --> 00:11:35,920 If you're going to be a surgeon, it's important to maintain your dexterity. 161 00:11:35,920 --> 00:11:38,060 is why I dabble in magic. 162 00:11:38,440 --> 00:11:39,440 Pick a card. 163 00:11:46,640 --> 00:11:47,339 Try again. 164 00:11:47,340 --> 00:11:49,360 Okay, Houdini. Time to disappear. 165 00:11:51,040 --> 00:11:53,000 No, she's kicking him out already? 166 00:11:53,340 --> 00:11:55,020 Yeah, well, novelty acts get no respect. 167 00:11:56,040 --> 00:11:57,400 Yeah, but God's scoring. 168 00:11:58,340 --> 00:11:59,340 I'm gonna go metal. 169 00:11:59,700 --> 00:12:00,700 Okay, honey. 170 00:12:01,240 --> 00:12:02,240 Good luck. 171 00:12:08,740 --> 00:12:10,080 Nice of you to walk me down. 172 00:12:10,800 --> 00:12:14,820 Well, I just wanted to make sure that you are safely out of the building. 173 00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:19,320 Well, hello, Bergen. 174 00:12:19,820 --> 00:12:21,860 Well, if it isn't the master of illusion. 175 00:12:23,120 --> 00:12:24,540 Uh, Berg? 176 00:12:25,860 --> 00:12:26,860 Hmm. 177 00:12:28,480 --> 00:12:30,560 Yes. Well, I was just showing Dr. 178 00:12:31,020 --> 00:12:34,900 Dwell... Vonneveld. It's just like Vonneveld, but with a Z. 179 00:12:35,920 --> 00:12:39,680 Well, I was just showing him to my apartment for a nightcap. 180 00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:42,540 Come on, Howie. Let's go make some magic. 181 00:12:43,420 --> 00:12:45,400 All right, but I usually work alone. 182 00:12:52,040 --> 00:12:53,040 No one. 183 00:12:53,560 --> 00:12:55,060 She had perky breasts. 184 00:12:56,360 --> 00:13:02,160 Listen, Tina, I'm not feeling too well, okay? So maybe we should call it a 185 00:13:02,160 --> 00:13:03,400 night. Oh. 186 00:13:04,220 --> 00:13:06,340 I think I know what's going on here. 187 00:13:07,500 --> 00:13:08,940 Look, it's not... No. 188 00:13:09,280 --> 00:13:11,740 You don't have to lie to me. I am an actress. 189 00:13:12,080 --> 00:13:13,800 I observe people for a living. 190 00:13:15,580 --> 00:13:18,200 My celebrity intimidates you, doesn't it? 191 00:13:20,180 --> 00:13:24,550 Wow. Then you must... also be able to sense my overwhelming respect for you. 192 00:13:28,830 --> 00:13:30,930 Well, that was quite a change of heart. 193 00:13:31,470 --> 00:13:33,670 Wait till you see this one. Keep your coat on. 194 00:13:35,010 --> 00:13:41,810 Okay. Let's say that this were a magic show and you needed to 195 00:13:41,810 --> 00:13:45,650 vanish, but you couldn't use the front door. 196 00:13:46,410 --> 00:13:47,410 What would you do? 197 00:13:49,970 --> 00:13:51,030 Use the fire escape. 198 00:13:55,560 --> 00:13:57,740 That reminds me, I meant to fix that fire escape. 199 00:14:26,160 --> 00:14:27,160 Hey, Pete. 200 00:14:41,740 --> 00:14:42,740 Bergen! 201 00:14:43,380 --> 00:14:44,380 Bergen! 202 00:14:46,060 --> 00:14:47,060 Bergen! 203 00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:50,200 Bergen! 204 00:14:57,100 --> 00:14:59,060 Did you just appear that you're getting good? 205 00:15:31,370 --> 00:15:35,030 The sink is still leaking. Honey, I told you to caulk. Yes, but you didn't tell 206 00:15:35,030 --> 00:15:36,030 me what caulk was. 207 00:15:36,830 --> 00:15:40,010 Run up there and put a bucket under their sink or something before it floods 208 00:15:40,010 --> 00:15:41,010 whole apartment. 209 00:15:41,790 --> 00:15:43,490 No, no, no. 210 00:15:45,570 --> 00:15:47,650 Who is it? 211 00:15:48,070 --> 00:15:49,070 Bird. 212 00:15:49,710 --> 00:15:50,750 I have company. 213 00:15:51,850 --> 00:15:55,110 Yeah, and he just jumped into my arms off the fire escape. 214 00:16:02,320 --> 00:16:04,460 What happened to your date? Did her elbow get an audition? 215 00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:17,680 Sharon told me that you were miserable. 216 00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:21,460 Well, Sharon told me that you only went out with that body model to make me 217 00:16:21,460 --> 00:16:22,460 jealous. 218 00:16:23,900 --> 00:16:27,900 She seems to be a little bit too involved to know a whole lot more than 219 00:16:27,900 --> 00:16:28,900 supposed to. 220 00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:10,200 No 221 00:18:28,310 --> 00:18:29,310 Ashley, get him some water. 222 00:18:34,010 --> 00:18:35,010 Oh, my God! 223 00:18:36,750 --> 00:18:39,410 Wow. A Pete dummy. How redundant. 224 00:18:44,670 --> 00:18:45,670 Pete, are you all right? 225 00:18:46,510 --> 00:18:48,270 Wow, for a minute there, I thought it was a goner. 226 00:18:48,970 --> 00:18:50,150 Well, you're safe now. 227 00:19:12,110 --> 00:19:16,890 He's in the bathtub watching all the cat fur off a woman playing deep sea diver. 228 00:19:18,410 --> 00:19:20,910 Hey, I'm sorry I messed things up for you with your date. 229 00:19:21,570 --> 00:19:22,570 That's okay. 230 00:19:23,030 --> 00:19:26,810 I wasn't going anywhere. I just wanted to be with someone. 231 00:19:28,130 --> 00:19:29,370 So you did miss me? 232 00:19:30,870 --> 00:19:31,870 Not really. 233 00:19:33,130 --> 00:19:35,190 Listen, I know what you're going through. 234 00:19:35,610 --> 00:19:40,480 It's like when you have this... big ugly couch in the middle of your living room 235 00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:44,380 and and you just can't wait to get rid of it but then when you finally throw it 236 00:19:44,380 --> 00:19:50,340 out you got the empty space where that stupid insensitive self -absorbed couch 237 00:19:50,340 --> 00:19:56,240 used to be i don't really understand decorating i 238 00:19:56,240 --> 00:20:03,120 know it's not going to be easy for either one of us but ultimately it's 239 00:20:03,120 --> 00:20:07,040 better to be alone than to be with somebody who's not right for you i agree 240 00:20:08,400 --> 00:20:13,560 I agree. You know, Ash, you're going to get along just fine without a couch. 241 00:20:15,320 --> 00:20:16,320 Thank you, Bert. 242 00:20:16,660 --> 00:20:19,360 Yeah, what you need is something to walk all over, like a rug. 243 00:20:21,320 --> 00:20:22,680 That's typical couch talk. 244 00:20:34,300 --> 00:20:37,460 Looks like they're not getting back together. 245 00:20:38,260 --> 00:20:39,260 Well, I tried. 246 00:20:40,560 --> 00:20:42,280 So what was in that chair in Irene's apartment? 247 00:20:42,560 --> 00:20:44,320 Oh, it was the voodoo shrine at Pete. 248 00:20:46,640 --> 00:20:49,620 Some people's lives are so empty and sad. 249 00:20:50,160 --> 00:20:52,520 Yeah. They don't have what we have. 250 00:20:54,180 --> 00:20:55,180 Monitors. 251 00:20:56,820 --> 00:20:58,180 Let's go watch the breach. 252 00:21:09,230 --> 00:21:10,230 Wake up. 253 00:21:11,770 --> 00:21:12,770 Hey, what'd I miss? 254 00:21:14,810 --> 00:21:15,810 Nobody's home. 255 00:21:16,330 --> 00:21:17,330 Where'd everybody go? 256 00:21:18,810 --> 00:21:19,810 Hey, 257 00:21:22,810 --> 00:21:23,810 kids. 258 00:21:28,430 --> 00:21:30,130 Is there something you want to talk to us about? 18231