All language subtitles for Two Guys and a Girl s02e09 A Girl And Oxford

Come on, Pete. It's just ten bucks.

You want the money, you get the lecture.

Fine. Fine. Go ahead.

Okay. What did the ant do and what did
the grasshopper do?

The ant saved his breadcrumbs. Uh -huh.

And the grasshopper?

He played. He played!

And when wintertime came, who was better
off?

Pete Dunville. That's right.

Pete Dunville. And that's why I have
nearly $300 in my bank account, and you

have next to nothing.

Thank you.

By the way, this came for you. I opened
it by accident.

They're calling in your student loan for
$42 ,000.

Thanks for the tip.

Hey, look. The limo just pulled up.

Oh, it's Johnny.

He's driving a limo part -time for some
extra cash.

It's awesome.

When he's off -duty, we get to play easy
prom feet.

Hi,

sweetie. Hey, baby.

This is for you.

For later.

Oh.

Well, how about tonight for a change?
You wear the corsage and I'll be the

driver.

Hey, Johnny, you aren't just doing this
for the money, right? It's not so you

can wear that really goofy hat.

I know what you mean. It's a stupid job.
I got to dress up in this monkey suit,

drive some stuffed shirt around for
what?

Lousy hundred bucks?

A hundred bucks?

Why don't you get Pete a job with you?

I'm sure Pete doesn't want... Yeah, he
would. Give me the hat.

Hey, guys, have you seen Ashley around?
No.

No.

But... No!

You're looking for Ashley? Yeah. I
haven't seen her.

First she drops this bomb on me about
her long -distance boyfriend, and now

she's hiding from me.

This is just like when Meg Ryan went and
talked to Billy Crystal when Harry met

Sally. Yeah.

Well, what happened?

He was everything she thought she hated
in a man, and he kept hounding her,

bothering her, making her life a living,
breathing hell until he finally just

broke her spirits.

Oh, God, it was so romantic.

You know what? I really agree with Billy
Crystal's theory that men and women

can't be friends without having sex.

So what exactly are you saying?

What are you saying?

I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm
saying, look, something shiny.

Jessica, listen. If it's about Ashley, I
don't want to get in the middle of it.

Look at me, okay?

I can't eat, I can't sleep, I'm a wreck.

I mean, sure, I still look good, but
that's just genetics.

Look, I need your help, all right?

She's at her gym. Thank you.

Ashley. Hey, Bert. Where have you been?
You've been avoiding me all week. No, I

haven't been avoiding you.

Now, um, please don't follow me. Look,
we need to talk about this. No, I can't.

Why? If I talk to you, then you're going
to make one of your dumb jokes, and

then you're going to give me one of
those pathetic looks with...

Those big brown puppy dog eyes.

It's like you make me feel like... You
make me feel like... Dancing?

There! Stop that! Why are you fighting
this? Because, Berg, I have had

with Justin for three years. I can't
just throw that all away on something

might turn out to be... The glove of
your life?

Or a short -lived fling.

At least with Justin, I know it's real.

Oh, you mean real like how I noticed the
way you eat your pizza crust first?

Or how you wear your red sweatshirt
inside out to hide the coffee stain on

shoulder?

Or maybe the way you flip off your right
shoe when you're taking a test and you

just let it dangle back and forth.

Back and forth.

You noticed that?

That's why I failed our last quiz.

And I suppose Justin's more real than me
because he found you first.

But I have just one question for you,
Ashley.

If what you have is so real, how can he
be away from you for five months

when I can't stand to be away from you
for five minutes?

This is so unfair.

I don't think this is a good idea.

I think it is.

Damn.

I was hoping it wouldn't be that good.

Okay, I gotta go.

Here we are, ma 'am.

Bayside Country Club. Oh, I dread these
charity events.

Same old crusty blue hair, same old
prime rib.

Mm, I love prime rib.

Really?

Well, maybe you'd like to join me for a
nipple.

Oh, Mrs. Rycard, are you flirting with
me?

I'm harmless.

There'll be a big tip in it for you.

Really? Plus, you have nice shoulders.

And if you stand up, I can see what your
butt looks like.

You're not going to use it to make
grilled cheese. No.

So, you're still driving. Must have gone
pretty well last night. I made 300

bucks. Whoa!

How many people did you drive?

Just one. She was a rich, lonely widow.

A rich, very generous, lonely, lonely
widow.

I was happy to have somebody to share a
conversation with.

And a waltz.

You waltzed with her?

And a couple of tangos.

And she tipped you $300?

Yeah. My God, Pete.

You're a hooker.

I was completely innocent.

And besides, I am free to spend time
with whoever I want at whatever price

market will bear.

There you go. No, we haven't seen her.

Well, that's okay. I have. I caught up
to her last night. We talked a little

then we kissed.

No way. Yes way.

You and Ashley, me and Johnny, Pete and
his trick.

Clients. They're called clients.

You know, it was amazing.

It was everything I thought it would be.
It was exciting. It was passionate.

Right up until she ran away.

You need to get over to Ashley's right
now. Why's that?

God, she's feeling guilty for that kiss.

God, if I know her, she's sitting at
home right now thinking about her poor

boyfriend and how she betrayed him.

What should I do?

Do what Richard Gere did in Pretty
Woman. Get dressed up, get two dozen

and show up at her building in a
limousine.

You think that'll work?

Every woman wants the fantasy.

Give her the fantasy, Berg.

Pete?

Will you drive the fantasy?

I can't. I can't. I'm fully booked.

All right, fine, fine.

But nobody laughed if Mickey Ryker
called me kitten.

Thanks, kitten.

How do I look? Oh, you put Richard here
to shame.

Look, I'm shaking. All right, all right,
calm down, okay? I'll knock her dead.

Okay.

Ashley!

Hey! When are we going to get going?

All right, all right, in a minute,
Marge.

My friends are getting a little
impatient.

Hi. Okay, girls, look, I told you
there'd just be a few minutes, and then

off to the gambling barge. All right.
Watch your faces.

Ashley!

Ashley!

Would you shut up?

Excuse me, but this is a private
conversation.

Ashley!

Berg.

Jessica!

I need to speak with Ashley.

She's not home.

Well, are you being serious, or are you
just covering for her? I'm betting she's

covering.

Bert, I really, really don't want to get
in the middle of this. That's it. I'm

coming up there, and nothing can stop
me.

Would you mind buzzing me in?

Look, I'm not supposed to say anything,
but she left town this morning.

What do you mean?

She was really upset. She went to
Oxford.

Why?

To see someone.

Someone. You mean your boyfriend.

Sorry, Berg.

I was rooting for you.

Me too.

She's gone.

Well, it's not over.

It's not looking very good.

Come on, Berg. She'll be back.

She picked him, Sharon.

That's it?

Yeah. You're giving up just like that?

What am I supposed to do, huh?

Do you love her, Berg?

Yes, I do. No.

Do you really love her? Or do you just
think you love her because you can't

her? I don't know.

Well, you need to find that out.

How? How? How do I do that?

Go after her!

God!

This is one of those moments you're
going to look back in 30 years and say

changed your life.

Now, you may be looking back with Ashley
or without her.

But do you really want to look back
wondering what if?

Listen to her. That blonde knows what
she's talking about.

Marge, get back in the car.

Let's go home, Pete.

All right. Sure.

Yeah.

Yeah, I need to get my passport if I'm
flying to England.

So, how are you going to track down
Ashley? I mean, England's a pretty big

country. Well, I know her boyfriend's
name, and I know he goes to Oxford.

It's a piece of cake.

Ooh, uh -oh.

What? Oh, no, nothing I want to know.

Oh,

I do.

Tell me.

What were you thinking?

I was just thinking, you know, what if
you barged into his dorm room, and they

were both, like, standing there, naked.

Thank you. Now I can just think about
that.

on the long flight over. Oh, I told you
you didn't want to know.

All right, we've got you a few things,
like toothpaste, razor, Come on, Sharon,

you already bought me the ticket.

You didn't have to... Condoms?

Oh, those are from Mrs.

Reichardt. In London, they're called
hats.

Ashley doesn't know it yet, but she's so
lucky.

Make us proud, okay?

I need you to call Justin Thompson for
me. Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I can't do that.

Look, look, I flew all night from Boston
to find the woman I love and win her

back. If you have an ounce of romance in
you, you'll pick up that phone and make

that call.

You didn't let me finish.

I can't do that because... He's not
here.

He took his girlfriend on holiday to the
Isle of Wight this morning.

The Isle of Wight.

Okay, thanks.

Unless it was Bath.

I know it was one of those two.

The Isle of Wight or Bath.

Thank you. We can definitely rule out
Stratford. I know that. Oh, wait a

That's sounding familiar.

Maybe it sounds familiar.

Because that's where they said they were
going.

hell they might be staying in. He only
stays at the Four Seasons.

Uh, Isle of Wight, Bath, Four Seasons.
Thank you.

Or is it the Intercontinental?

Because of you, I was on a boat all
night. Had my pocket picked and bathed.

that was okay, because thank God I had
that 20 stashed in my sock, because that

at least got me a cab ride to the middle
of West freaking nowhere.

So please, for the love of God, tell me
where I can find Justin

Thompson.

It turns out they're not going on
holiday till tomorrow.

Where is he?

Right behind you.

It's your lucky day.

Are you Justin Thompson?

Yes. My name is Berg.

Michael Bergen.

I'm in love with your girlfriend and I'm
pretty sure she's in love with me.

What?

Wendy?

Wendy, get...

Is that like British for Ashley?

You know, like condoms or hats?

Uh, Pete, I couldn't find her anywhere.

I know, Ashley's back. She came in
looking for you.

What?

Okay, all right. Well, pick me up at the
airport in the limo. We're going over

to Ashley.

Thanks for the lift.

I hope you're all nice and cozy in
there.

Don't worry about me.

I'm sure someday my nipples will soften.

You were not supposed to use the
limousine for personal matters, right,

He just doesn't listen, Johnny.

This is just like in the movie.

You got anything to eat?

Yeah, there's some junior mints in the
glove compartment.

Pass me the licorice whips.

Ashley!

How you doing, buddy?

I'm kind of in the middle of something
here.

All right.

Ashley!

Burke?

Ashley.

Yeah, I'm glad you came.

The suspense is killing me.

What did Ashley say? I didn't hear what
she said.

Yeah, I don't really like sitting this
close.

I've been wanting to talk to you.

No, no.

Let me say something first, okay?

I know that you think that I'm this big
flake, and maybe I deserve that.

And if you want to be with Justin
instead of me because you love him, then

that's fine.

But, Ashley, if you're choosing him
because you think what we have is less

serious or less real, then you're wrong.

You're dead wrong. And I went all the
way to England to prove that.

Why would you fly to England?

I followed you to Oxford.

What's so funny?

Justin teaches at Ole Miss. I was in
Oxford, Mississippi.

Mississippi.

That's like nowhere near England.

Oh, God.

Such a bonehead.

Such an incredibly in -debt bonehead.

Actually, I think that's one of the most
romantic things I've ever heard.

Well, why do you think I did it?

Listen, Berg, I'm coming down.

Okay.

I'm confused. So did Ashley go to
England or not?

No. She went to Mississippi.

There's two Oxford's. Oh.

Okay. Do you think this is a good time
to go to the bathroom?

Hey. Hey.

Listen, Berg, I, um, I went to
Mississippi to tell Justin that I didn't

this long -distance relationship was
working out, and, um, he agreed with me.

He did?

Yeah. He did? He did!

That's great. Oh. No, um, no, it's not.
He, um, he's moving to Boston.

I... I really feel like I owe it to him
to give it a try.

Oh.

I see.

Burke.

No, I'm okay.

I'm sorry.

I've ever seen.

Want a tissue?

No, I'm cool.

Oh, don't look at me.

Did you say the words character
building?

No, no, no.

You owe me $3 ,000.

You know what, though?

I feel sorry for this Justin guy,
because now he's going to have to

me on my home turf.

Oh, hey, don't look at Johnny.

He's a mess.

You're looking for a Pete Dunville?

Yeah, that's me.

I'm Dave Reichardt.

This is Stanley Babcock and Richard
Weber.

Leave, you know our wives.

Uh -oh.

She told me you were dead.

Clearly we're not.

And we're very interested in those
little midnight rides of yours.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Look, I swear to
God, nothing happened. All right, I'll

never take them out again.

Actually, we'd like you to take them out
more often.

Especially on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

That's when we go to Hooters.