All language subtitles for Two Guys and a Girl s01e11 How They Met

Okay, salad,

salad, no salad, and then half
pepperoni.

Hey, Bill, throw me into the rag, huh?

Why not use this lovely one you're
wearing?

A shirt of fun and good times?

Never.

All right, it's 11 o 'clock.

See you later.

Surgery at the hospital.

And breaking news tonight, a chemical
spill in the Florida Everglades has left

population of... crocodiles paralyzed.

We take you now live downtown where a
spokesperson for the chemical giant has

something to say.

What about this?

On behalf of all those crocs we just
croaked, the Immaculate Chemical Company

would like to say, whoops! Sharon. So,
look for Bouts and Pocketbooks to be on

sale soon.

Sharon. What?

off the girl. Even when she makes a
complete fool of herself.

Immaculate Chemical Company has four
rescue crews working round the clock to

save whatever wildlife that may have
been inconvenienced by today's mishap.

Look at her.

Lying to the world without a flinch.

Unconscionable. But adorable.

Tell me something. How come neither of
you guys date Sharon?

She's Sharon.

What the hell does that mean?

Pete, explain it.

She's sharing.

Well, she wasn't always sharing. I mean,
can't tell me that neither one of you

guys ever tried to, you know, hook up
with her.

What?

What? It was back when we were freshmen.

I remember it like it was yesterday.

Hey, is this going to be a flashback?

Yes, Mr. Bauer, it is.

Love flashbacks.

Can we have some popcorn?

Okay.

Well, every Tuesday night at our college
bar, they had this event.

At some point in the night, they'd ring
a bell, and from that moment on, all the

beer was free. Right, right. And it
stayed free until somebody either peed

walked out.

And so it was thusly named Bladder Bust.

Those Milli Vanilli guys are awesome.

It's like their music sounds so
effortless.

It's like they're not even singing.

Nancy dumped me.

Pete, let it go.

Help me pick a new major.

Come on, Vern. No, I'm serious. I need
to make a decision.

Go ahead. Pick a major.

Any major.

Russian economics.

Glad that's over with.

I still can't believe she dumped me.

She's at Stanford, 3 ,000 miles away.

She's going out with the captain of the
crew team.

She just cocks him.

Don't even.

I really thought that she was the one.

Give me the damn letter. All right,
let's see what the rule book has to say.

Don't get out the rule book.

There is section four, paragraph six.

Get dumped, move on.

I know, I know.

I hope you get fat.

Oh, boy.

Look around you.

College, a bevy of beautiful co -eds,
and they all want to meet Pete Dunville.

They do? Of course.

First, you're just going to have to
remove that dead squirrel from your

You're just jealous because you can't
grow one.

You're just jealous because, you know,
all the babes will be digging the new

shirt. The shirt of love and
understanding.

Oh, so cute.

Handsome. I prefer handsome, but thank
you. Not you, that girl.

Oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, my God, here she
comes. She's coming up. She must be

in the shirt's tractor beam.

Pete Dunville has officially moved on.

Hi.

I'm Sharon. I'm working with Greenpeace
and Saber Planet.

Would you guys mind signing these
positions?

Mind, I would consider it a privilege to
sign those petitions.

This one's to stop the lumber industry
from clear -cutting on public lands, and

this one's to outlaw the hunting of
whales.

What a coincidence.

Pete, do you believe it?

What? Pete, here's a lumberjack.

And I'm the captain of a small whaling
vessel parked outside.

We can do this the easy way or the hard
way.

I'll sign. After you have a beer with
us.

I can't drink.

Then why are you in college?

No, I'm on a juice fast. I've had
nothing but vegetable juice for three

I'm cleansing my system.

Do you know how many innocent carrots
died so you could be regular?

It's genetic. His grandfather on his
mother's side was three -quarters

obnoxious. Are you helping me? No, I'm
helping me. Well, stop. No, I'm not

stop.

I'm Pete. I'm Bert. I care.

What are you talking about?

I think it's the goatee.

Sweet.

Did you see her? She couldn't resist the
shirt of truth and wisdom.

This girl is totally my type.

Right? She has conviction.

She's principled. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah. But underneath all that

she's exactly my type.

Naked.

Wait a minute. Are you telling me that
we're attracted to the same girl?

Right. God.

Peter, I think we've actually found a
crossover girl.

And you know what the rules say. Oh, not
the rules.

Section 2, paragraph 8.

Friendship before females.

Okay.

That's that. Neither one of us can dare.

So it is written, and so it shall be.

Agreed? Agreed.

the trees.

You?

You know, as the next generation of
architect, I feel it is my duty to, yes,

design great homes, but not to the
affront of the greatest architect of

all, Mother Nature.

Oh, Pete, that's beautiful.

Then you wouldn't mind helping me get
some signatures?

I'd love to.

Great. I gotta pee before they ring that
bell.

So, how's things with the planet?

Like you really care.

Oh, no, I care.

Yeah, right.

Actually, whales play a big part in my
life.

They do?

Just this afternoon, I had this
delicious whale sandwich.

Pumpback. Lettuce and tomato thinly
sliced between two mountain gorilla

It's not even funny. With some white
rhino fries and a chopped cheetah salad.

Which, by the way, I spilled all over.

My sea lion skin rug.

Aha! I'm not laughing at you. I'm
laughing at a joke I heard earlier.

You must be a little slow.

Nice shirt.

Shirt of fulfillment and satisfaction.

You know, I'll bet a guy like you can
just go up and talk to any woman in this

bar.

Nah.

Yeah, I can.

Grace, get me some signatures while I
pee.

What are you doing with a clipboard?

I dare ask the same question.

Have you no regard for the rules? Me?

That's good. More!

That's very good.

That's very good. But what are we doing
here, huh?

I mean, what happened to friendship
before females?

You're right.

You're absolutely right. I'm just going
to go return her clipboard. Me too.

Only faster.

Hi. Hi. Look how many signatures I got
you.

Annie Oakley, Barbara Walters, Helen of
Troy.

She just left.

You know what? That's something. I got
you real signatures. And I got the guy

the hat to stop eating veal.

Well, that's great. But I really hate
you. You know what? I know this little

place down the street. Terrific. Maybe
we'll meet you there later. Guys, I have

to pee.

She's totally into me. Yeah. Maybe it's
because of the shirt of dorkiness and

I'm a big loser.

Pretty strong word coming from chia
face.

Okay, that's it. Rules off. Fine. May
the best man win.

My doodles are in there.

You stand in front of you in the corner
and you pee in this.

No way am I going to squat over some
pitcher in a bar.

What kind of girl do you think she is,
huh?

Guys, you have to help me. The last
person who ruined bladder bust was

blindfolded and left shoeless in a doggy
park.

All right, all right. Um, just do
something to take your mind off of

Okay, maybe you're right.

Oh!

Oh, sure.

You know, I went up to Alaska last
summer and went whale watching. It was

amazing. They would surface one after
another and squirt these huge arcs of

water into the air.

Everybody, forget it. Go away.

I'm sorry Pete gave you that stupid
distraction idea. That was

I've got to go.

You have to let me out of here. The
future of the planet depends on it. No

problem. Oh, my God. Thank you.

Hey, Phil.

This girl wants out.

Break out the blindfold.

which comes from trees, which I love.

You got a better idea?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I do.

Okay,

maybe I could pry loose one of these
floorboards and we can tunnel out.

Excuse me.

What are you doing? We would like to die
first.

How about you?

Fight over me!

Come again?

Talk, tough guy.

Why don't you come and get some?

Some of what? I don't know.

What do I do now?

Just wait for the bouncers to break us
up.

This I gotta see.

Ten bucks on the bad goatee.

Oh, I used to love archery.

All right.

Okay, I'll pretend to hit you and you go
down. Okay, good, good, good, good. I

said, I'll pretend to hit you and you go
down.

Okay, mine.

Yeah, right.

Look, Bert, you're just going to go out
with this girl twice, and then you're

going to blow her off, just like you do
with everyone.

Well, you're going to go out with her
once.

You start calling her the one, she'll
move to Stanford and write you a letter.

Wait, that was so low.

Well, it's true.

All right, look, why don't we just do
this? Let her decide.

Fine. Fine.

Look, I can't believe I just peed in
that alley.

Stick with us, kid.

world will be your toilet you want to
walk me back to my dorm who who

later where are you going she

decided what she smiled at me she smiled
near you

she smiled at

You have nicer stuff than my family.

Bye, Daddy. He messes with me.

So, uh, now what?

I got the new Milli Vanilli tape.

Oh, crank it up.

Oh, but darn.

What? My father just sent me the stereo,
but it's got all these wires and

things. It's just too complicated for me
to hook up. I could hook it up for you.

and to send it back. I mean, the room's
so small and the speakers take up so

much floor space. Well, I could hang
them for you.

Great. Wirings in the box, put the tuner
next to the lamp, CD player on the

shelf, and for the speakers, there are
hooks there and there.

I'll go get a fill -up pad for the
antennas.

Do you have the feeling we've been set
up completely?

Phew.

Complicated house. Stupid, are we?

She plays us against each other so we
get her signatures, right? Then she has

beat each other up so she can pee.

Then she smiles at us and we're supposed
to hook up her stereo?

This girl is a nightmare.

She's like us.

Only a chick.

You know what, Pete?

I'm going to do her the ultimate favor
and not date her. Me too.

Lord us back here to hook up your
stereo.

I can't believe it. Stop it. Okay.

Well, you're an architect.

I thought you'd be good at putting
things together.

Oh, I see. You needed Pete to hook up
your stereo.

So you really wanted me to come back
because... You're tall enough to reach

hooks. Yeah.

Well, you know what?

Just for that, neither one of us is
going to date you.

Yeah, well, I could have told you that.

Sure. That's what you say now.

You know, that's what I said the minute
I met you two guys.

You, I'm just guessing, always want to
commit but can't. And you, you're just a

woody with a body attack.

And she's good. Very.

Thanks.

You know, no one's ever fought over me
before. Not even for a pretend.

We had fun.

Yeah, me too.

for the juice bath.

Where to?

Oh, actually, I just heard about this
great little pizza place.

Love Pizza?

Yeah, right down on Beacon Street. Love
Beacon Street.

It's just water.

And the rest is history.

That is unbelievable.

You mean to tell me that place gave away
free beer?

It's just bad business.

You really got the point of the story.

Bravo!

Shut it. I just bold -faced lied to the
entire country with little dignity I had

is now gone, out the window.

What are you knuckleheads looking at?

Nothing. Get me a drink before I tear
this place down.

You've got to love her. You really do.

I remember when me and my best friend,
met this girl in college. We were at a

bladder bust.

I just decided to major in Russian
economics. This feisty blonde walked

Could be the one.

Maybe not.

Anyway, she had this clip for it. Save
the planet, save the whales kind of

thing. She played us like a time store
harmonic.

So, Bill, we can have our own bladder
bust, really? Sure.

Anything to cheer up Sharon.

has begun.

All beers free till somebody pees or
flees or sneezes or speaks or a car

by.

Who?