All language subtitles for Two Guys and a Girl s01e07 Recovery

We're really burning the midnight oil
with this med school thing. He's

Okay.

I need to see somebody's rectum.

Fine.

We invited them back here.

It's just not right.

Oh, I hear you.

We've got to set the mood.

Mood set.

I mean us, tonight, these women.

Excuse me.

It is completely right and exactly what
you need.

Who are you to tell me what I need?

I'm your doctor.

You're not well enough to be anyone's
doctor.

Oh, no, they found their spot.

They may call it a stethoscope, but this
is a babe magnet.

Oh, my God, here they come.

Because they have no choice.

Bert, Bert, what are we going to do with
two women we've picked up in a bar?

Don't make me get my anatomy book.

We don't have anything in common with
these women. I don't see a future.

Me neither.

But I see a really fun present. You've
got to learn to go with the moment.

Good, because at this moment, I'd like
to go.

Go? Go what?

Another two months without a date?

It's time you got over Melissa.

I'm only doing this for you.

You know, Berg, I'm buying like a tenth
of that.

I'll take it.

Hey, guys, I really need to talk.

About what?

Whoa, Ted called me again, and I mean...

No, Cher, we've got a couple of live
ones coming up.

Oh, hi.

Hi.

This reminds me of my son's room.

Okay, well, guess I'd better leave.

Now that Thelma and Louise are here.

Who wants a drink?

A scotch. Bye, Pat. Okay.

Two beers coming up, Pete.

No, no, I'm good.

So, which one of you lives here? Both.

Live here, share the apartment.

A doctor and an architect who have to
share an apartment?

Well, technically, we're still in grad
school. Actually, this is just a little

place we keep in town.

Really?

Well, then tell me, Doc, where do you
like to spend most of your time?

A little place just north of here
called, uh, my bedroom.

It's a Socrates.

Most people think it's Plato, but...
Socrates.

Burke.

Burke!

Yes?

Where's Valerie's drink? You didn't get
her drink. I mean, she's thirsty.

Handle it, Pete.

You said you'd try.

But, Valerie, I can't make you any
promises.

Claudia. Look, even if, you know,
something happens tonight, um,

that doesn't necessarily mean that, you
know, you're the one.

Okay, so I just wanted to clear the air.

So nobody's leading anybody on.

Okay? Now, with that being said, I think
it'll make for a much more fun evening.

I'll be in the car.

Come visit me at the bowling alley.

You are in desperate need of repair.

They were there, they were cute, and
they were ready.

Yeah, for menopause.

They were not that old. But all personal
bitterness aside, Pete blew it.

It's not funny.

What is the point of telling some scotch
-soaked broad that she's not the one?

Bill, I'm not going to ask you again.

What was...

Now, Pete's got to learn that when you
fall off a horse, you've got to get

back on. Exactly right.

So women are horses.

I've got to go deliver these salads.

Face it, Bert.

He's not just going to hop in the sack
with some baby he doesn't even know.

You're right.

For him, it's got to be a relationship.
There has to be a future.

Yeah. What is with that?

Ouch!

I'm just saying he needs to saddle up
for a quick ride, then hop right on.

You're not dating anyone.

So?

So.

You're a babe.

Forget it.

Look, Cheryl.

Aside from a hooker, you're the only
girl that Pete could have sex with and

have to worry about falling in love.

Gosh, Bert.

Will you put me up on that kind of
pedestal?

You know what I mean. I so hope you have
a backup plan.

Bill, I'm sorry I'm late. I had a rough
night. We heard.

We laughed.

Burke, did you have to tell everyone?

I didn't have to.

Pete, I never told you this.

Is there any chance we can keep it that
way?

I was in high school and I met this
beautiful blonde on a beach one summer.

Her name was Sandy.

She's from Australia.

Summer Love and Pete happened so fast.

Tell me more. Tell me more.

I took her bowling in the arcade.

Then we hung out, drank lemonade.

Let me guess.

You made out under the dock.

We stayed out till 10 o 'clock.

Okay, that's it. All done.

Look, Berg, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I
ruined your shindig. I don't know what's

wrong with me.

It's this simple, okay? You just come
off this major relationship, and now

you're looking for another relationship
to fill the void. All right.

But you can't just jump from one right
into another.

You need a girl to get you back in the
swing.

A short -term relationship with no
future.

Berg's right.

What you need is a nice rebound girl.

Okay, all right, but how do you go out
with someone knowing it's not going to

anywhere?

Bert?

Well, that's something that comes with
practice.

Okay, fine.

Where do I find this rebound girl?

I don't know.

Sharon, where do guys meet you?

Where's the ladle?

I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Not the ladle.
The next time I use this, you're going

to have to have it surgically removed.

That's it.

That's perfect.

It's really not, Bert. See, even...

After they sew you up, it's still a week
before you can walk.

Thank you.

No, no, no, no, no. I met the perfect
rebound girl for Pete.

Where? In med school.

Come on, Berg, I'm fine.

No, no, no, no. Trust me, okay? This is
perfect. She's smart, she's beautiful,

and I'm telling you up front, she's only
in town for a few weeks.

That sounds ideal.

Oh, it is ideal.

My brain is so big that it hurts my neck
lugging it around.

So she's not a med student.

She's not a doctor.

She's not a nurse.

What is she?

Sick.

You set me up with a patient?

It's nothing.

She's just having her lungs rotated.

Come on.

She's recuperating from some minor
respiratory thing. You'll love her.

Wait a minute.

Does she wheeze?

Pete. She's a great girl.

I don't know anything about her. What's
to know?

She enjoys rock climbing, has two dogs,
and loves Italian opera.

Look, I appreciate everything you're
doing, but I'm just not ready.

If you're not ready now, when will you
be ready, Pete?

It's been two months. You've come this
far, just meet her.

Bert! Lauren?

This is the guy I've been telling you
about.

Pete Dunville, Lauren Henderson, Lauren
Henderson, Pete Dunville.

Lauren and Pete.

Michael Bergen.

Why leave myself out?

When?

I might as well just let myself out.

Okay.

Take him every four hours and call me in
the morning.

Buongiorno.

How you doing, Pete?

All of a sudden, much better.

Same here.

Oh, have a seat.

Grazie.

Berg, so he told you I like Italian
opera.

La roba lavata dal nostro vicino e
caduta.

That is so beautiful. What does that
mean?

It means our neighbor's laundry has
fallen.

Whoa!

Big brain.

Bill, Mr. Bauer still doesn't like the
pizza.

Hey, Bauer.

What's wrong with my pizza?

Bill, I'm afraid grease is the word.

Man, grown -ups just do not get me.

So, what can I get you two lovebirds?

Nothing, Pete. We're fine.

Sorry.

He recently met a girl he really liked,
so... I guess that makes two of us.

Excellent answer.

How we doing, folks?

Today, we have a beautiful spring
calzone with seasonal peppers and three

of cheese.

But that's not all.

Bill has also prepared his famous
chicken sausage pizza. It's the talk of

sausage community.

Take all the time you need.

What the hell is a spring calzone?

It's a calzone.

It's springtime.

I miss the old Pete, the sad Pete.

Now, he was funny.

I haven't had a good laugh in... Exactly
ten days.

Ten glorious, romantic days, all thanks
to this guy. Everyone, let's give it up

for my pal, Berg.

Woo -hoo!

All right, sunshine.

Get over there and chop some onions
until you at least look sad.

We've got to talk.

Berg, Hank.

Hank, my obtrusive friend, Berg.

How you doing?

So, you're a marine biologist? Yeah,
right. And she works for a chemical

company. She kills algae for a living.
There's no future here, Hank.

Oh, God.

Would you excuse us for just a minute?

Yeah, sure.

major that you are willing to risk the
ladle.

Pete's rebound girl's gonna die.

What? I misread the chart.

You set him up with a dying girl?

We can't sit on this.

How are you going to tell him?

No way.

You got him into this, you tell him.

It wasn't my fault.

She was supposed to be a rebound girl.

I wasn't supposed to fall in love with
her.

Do you want to hear the truth or do you
want to hear what you want to hear?

What I want to hear.

I told him about the rebound thing,
therefore none of this is your fault.

could you not have told him? I mean,
you'd think this would be the type of

that you'd tell someone.

What do you think?

You must know.

And Mr.

Green, he's so serene, he's got a TV in
every room.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

What's the rule on how long you can date
a rebound girl?

The book says anywhere from one week to
a month and a half.

Okay, this could work.

You know, it's almost been two weeks. I
just got to get him to break up with her

before he finds out.

Yeah, because that's going to be easy.

Hank,

I really had fun. Yeah, so did I.

Just when you think you're never going
to meet somebody. I know. Tell me about

it. I'm coming off a six -year
relationship.

Yeah, I guess you are.

Well, beats renting videos.

A few weeks ago, you were moping around,
Melissa this, Melissa that, Melissa,

Melissa, Melissa.

Now look at you.

Yeah, and I owe it all to you.

Lawrence.

I mean, you know how, like, I'm always
like, this girl's great, but she's not

the one, she's not the one. Of course
she's not the one.

No, that's just it.

Lauren might be the one.

And that's exactly why you have to break
up with her.

No way.

Pete, come on. You know, these rules
have been clearly established. If

the one, then you're wasting her as your
rebound girl, thereby completely taking

her out of contention to be the one.

So according to you, I need to break up
with Lauren to find a girl I don't like.

So I can get back with Lauren, who I'm
already with. Now you got it.

Now I don't.

Pete, there's something I gotta tell
you.

Lauren what?

Lauren is... Lauren's what?

Not recuperating.

What are you talking about?

This is a repertory thing.

Pete, I was wrong.

I misread the chart.

I don't think that she has that long to
live.

Oh, Bert, if you're screwing around with
me... I wouldn't.

You set me up with a dying woman? I
didn't know. I didn't know.

How hard is it to read a chart? The
writing is so small.

Where are you going?

Ice skating.

Where do you think I'm going? I'm going
to talk to her.

But it's past visiting hours. They're
not going to let you in.

They will if I'm with you.

She's probably downstairs having tests.
Every day they drag her downstairs for

some more tests.

Excuse me. We're here to see Lauren
Henderson.

Oh, I'm sorry, but she's gone.

What do you mean she's gone? I'm sorry.

Would be me.

You mean you're not going to die?

Sorry. No, no, I mean, that's great. I
just had this little respiratory thing.

They released me. I left you a message
on your home machine.

Pete, do you realize what this means?

I read the chart right on my first try.

I thought I was going to lose you.

You know, on my way over here, I
realized how short life is.

You know, how little time we have.

Look, in three weeks, my semester's
over.

Let's go see Pavarotti.

Let's go to Italy.

Let's go see Pavarotti in Italy.

First, you might want to see him in,
yes, Georgia.

Gee, Pete.

I'm going home to Colorado.

Colorado?

Colorado so far?

Not? If you're in Denver.

Pete, you can come and visit.

I don't want to just come and visit.

Look, Lauren, once you've had a near
-death experience, I mean, your whole

outlook should change.

Pete, I didn't have a near -death
experience.

Okay, but, I mean, we did have.

Didn't that mean anything to you?

No, it was great.

It was wonderful.

But that wasn't what this was all about.

I was just coming out of a long -term
relationship, and so were you.

Your life is here in Boston, and my life
is in Colorado.

That's why Berg said we'd be perfect
together.

You know what they should do?

Make bigger charts. That way, you could
write bigger.

My chariot awaits.

We'll keep in touch.

Sure.

Where are you going?

I'm going to the psychiatric ward.

Find out why I'm friends with you.

There you are. We were worried about you
today.

I just needed a little time.

Well, by chance in that time, did you
manage to find the bright side?

Because we just couldn't.

No, I'm still working on it.

I do want to thank you, though. Oh.

No, not at all.

For introducing me to a woman who broke
my heart twice in eight minutes.

While I was mourning her passing, she
popped out of the john to dump me.

But through all this, you haven't even
thought about Melissa.

That'll give you all part of my master
plan.

You are just a big, long problem.

Let's say we go grab a drink, sure?
Okay, do it. I'll tell you this, I am

definitely ready to start dating again.

Oh, my... No relationship could possibly
end worse than this one. I love a

challenge.

Another pleasant valley Sunday Charcoal
burning everywhere

See Mrs. Gray, she's proud today Because
the roses are in

bloom See Mr. Green, he's so serene He's
got a TV