All language subtitles for Tracey Breaks the News s02e01

This news just in. The markets don't
like uncertainty.

Oil pipeline in the pipeline.

Let me declare.

Off the record.

How do I declare?

And the answer is, we're out.

She wants to be liked. She wants to see
liked.

She wants to walk a mile in that shoe.

Every day in Austin, thank you. Had to
break it to the nation. Thank you. Can I

break the news?

She wants to save it. She wants to play
this. She really helps, but nobody's

food.

Every day a new sensation, take it to
the waking nation. Keep on the thinking

while break the news.

Proven to secure.

You can do a number script help.

Would you mind?

Door handle?

Oh, crikey. Yes, of course.

This is just temporary until we move you
to the safe house.

Do you know if there is a busy in the
area?

Because I have a lot of these gift
vouchers. I can check.

Are you sure that this place is secure?
Ever since my statement last week was so

misunderstood, I feel like everyone is
out to get me. I don't know if I can

trust the Russian government, the
British government, the Salisbury

board. Don't worry, Miss Grappel. You
are perfectly safe.

We know where you live.

They know where I live.

Because we know where you live, We have
to contact you about GDPR.

We have updated our privacy policy. Are
you happy to keep receiving bricks?

What do I say?

Just don't respond.

This could be your last brick. But I
don't even remember agreeing to receive

bricks in the first place.

Margaret, is it just me, or am I
starting to lose the confidence of the

people? Why would you say such a thing?

Well, I've just been sent this photo on
Twitter.

You are starting to lose the confidence
of the German people.

That is very direct.

Even for a German.

Oh, Birgit.

Is the honeymoon really over after a
mere 13 years?

When I think of all I have sacrificed
for this job, the sleep, the weekend,

with my husband.

You have a husband?

Who do you think this was?

I just thought it came with a frame.

So what do you think the problem is?

Partly the hair, but the tie's not
helping.

Oh, no, not with him. With my
popularity.

Oh, well, maybe you just need to
reconnect with the German people.

And how do I do that?

Well, I don't know.

You seem to have managed to keep your
marriage ticking along with these years.

How do you keep that spark alive?

Well, I, uh... Well,

you can't do that to all the German
people. Not with my schedule, no.

You could get a bold new haircut.

But I got a bold new haircut only last
week.

You did? Yeah.

But I do think that this side is all
sexy, sexy.

And this side just screams fiscal
responsibility.

Oh, yeah, I see it now.

What, it's too subtle? A little.

You know what would really spice things
up?

An affair.

What? Shit on Germany?

Well, it might make them realize what
they got.

And there are a lot of countries that
would love a nice leader like you.

What about Italy?

Are they looking for a new prime
minister?

Endlessly. No, I think that the
combination of me plus Italy is just too

sexy. Well, how about Britain? They
already have a leader. That lady with

nice shoes that she can't walk in. Yeah,
but she's not popular.

Well, then the opposition will swoop in.
You'd think.

All I'm saying is just think about it.

You know, Birgit, you have helped me
make a decision.

Really? So we're going to Britain? Nein.

Looking into her eyes has made me
realize that there are worse countries

leave than Germany.

Coming soon to every single cinema
screen anywhere near you.

Help me, Obi -Wan. You're my only hope.
They keep churning out Star Wars movies

and no one can stop them.

Lucasfilm presents the seemingly endless
conveyor belt of Star Wars spinoffs.

Following the mild success of the young
Han Solo film comes extremely young Luke

Skywalker.

Blimey. The force is strong with this
one.

Then comes extremely old Chewbacca.

And that's followed by, I don't know, a
CGI Princess Leia spinoff, maybe?

this now I'm dead and you know what I
bet the ghost of Peter Cushing is still

making more than me Star Wars episodes 9
through 683 may the franchise

be with you good

afternoon I won't shake. I'm in the
middle of high tea and I'm up

to my elbows and kidneys. I'm here for
the interview with Jacob Rees -Mogg. Do

come in.

Allow me to take your coat.

Thank you.

This is Nanny, by the way. I'm sure
you've heard of me. I used to be his

and now I'm nanny to his children.

It's the most amusing scenario. She's
been in the family for 50 years.

You get left for murder.

Yes, thank you, Nanny.

Can I offer you some tea? Oh, yes.

Milk and sugar?

Just milk.

There you go.

Very kind of you.

Always a perfect gentleman, isn't it,
Sir Rhys Mogg? Whenever I'm making

or changing Sixus's nappy, he stays
right out of my way.

Now, I forget in which publication this
interview is to appear.

Oh, I'm sorry. Perhaps I should begin by
setting out to you the basis of my

political philosophy.

What I believe in above all is hard
work.

The fundamental problem with socialism
is that it creates a culture of

dependency. People expect things to be
handed to them on a plate, but that's

the way life works.

So instead of looking after the poor or
the infirm, we must always encourage

people... Float.

..to look after themselves.

I'm really sorry. I think there's been a
misunderstanding.

I'm not here to interview you, Mr Rees
-Mogg.

I'm here to be interviewed for the
housekeeping position.

What housekeeping position?

Well, the advert said you were looking
for an extra pair of hands. I don't

recall placing any such advert.

It's just... But I fear you've had a
wasted journey, because, as you can see,

can manage perfectly well on my own.

American TV star Roseanne Barr has been
in hot water for tweeting a tirade of

thoughtless racist insults in the early
hours of the morning.

Who does she think she is?

President Trump?

Right, I'm off to lunch. I will see you
in a bit.

What? No, you can't go.

Vicky's at the dentist and Misha's off
sick.

So? Haven't you heard?

It's now illegal to be just men in a
room without a woman present.

I don't think it is.

Yeah, I think I read about that in the
papers.

Hashtag Me Too.

Right, yeah, no.

Me Too is about the harassment of women.

And if there's just men in a room, there
are no women to be harassed. They

wouldn't make you put a woman in a room
full of men. Well, they have.

It started on panel shows and now it's
everywhere.

Political correctness gone mad.

No, that's another issue. That's about
representation and equality. Half the

society are women, so the workplace
should try and reflect that.

What, so you're saying that we need more
women? Well, shit.

Tony, go and grab us some women before
we become sexist.

No, grabbing women is the problem.

Political correctness gone mad.

Look, it's very simple. Just afford
women the same freedom, rights and

opportunities as men and don't mentally
or physically abuse them. What was the

last bit again?

You don't have to write it down. Just
treat women with respect.

Same as men?

Yes. Treat women like men.

Like one of the lads. Here, Kirsty.

That Kirsty's a bit of all right, isn't
she?

No, no, don't define women by their
gender. Political correctness gone, man.

Shut up.

It's OK.

I've found one. Cancel the police.

Nobody called the police.

So much goes unreported. You can go now,
Kirsty. We are all covered. You want me

hoovered? Oh, yeah, sure. No, wait. We
define it by gender. That's women's

No, it isn't. He's right. What do you do
when you're not cleaning?

At weekends, I go club.

Do dance.

Great. Do that.

Phew!

Headed that one off at the park.

If it's not solving the problem.

She's right.

Equal pay.

Go on, everyone.

Chuck money at her.

Well done, lads. This could so easily
have made us look bad.

To be clear, Arlene, you insist that
Northern Ireland must be

treated exactly like the rest of the UK,
except on the issue of abortion, where

it must be completely different.

No, I don't see any contradictions there
either.

Great to work with you. Speak soon.

God, I hope not. That came for you.

More shoes?

Yes. Buying shoes is my way of relieving
stress.

Bath and clothing libraries.

If only we could get a trade deal from
somewhere, Philip. Something that could

really rally the country and shut Boris
up for five minutes.

It's an awfully big box.

Yes, they use so much packaging.

Paul here and... Wedgehunt!

Mr President!

What a pleasant shock.

I thought, hey.

Why don't I do a practice run to the
United England?

I wanted to avoid the crowds of people
in the streets who all love me. After

this, you could post me to the North
Korea summit. I'm not going to the

I am going to the summit.

I am going, and I'm not going to the
summit.

So you came all the way in this box.

Was it a good journey? It was
tremendous.

I watched Black Panther on my phone.

You know, I truly believe that if I had
been in that fight in the waterfall for

the kingdom of Wakanda, I would have won
it very easily. A very popular king.

The best king.

Whoa, what's that?

Is that the Brexit button?

Can I push it? No, don't. That calls the
SAS, so best not to.

You know what? Since he's here...

Oh, that's a good idea, Philip. Donald,
we would love for you to sign this. It's

just a little trade deal to show the
world that Brexit isn't a slow -creeping

catastrophe.

Sorry, it's a huge trade deal. Ooh.

Biggest one of all time.

Oh, OK. Well, I'll sign it, but first...

Let's talk about me.

Who am I going to golf with when I come
here? I mean, not you. You're not

famous, and you're not hot. We did speak
to a number of golfing celebrities

about that, but they say they're washing
their hair.

All of them?

No, some of them said they were dead.

Listen, I'm sure that a lot of people
would love to play golf with you. And as

soon as you sign this, we can call more
of them. Wait, I want to threaten

nuclear war with North Korea real quick.

I'm bored.

What are we doing now?

Well, um, you're signing this trade
deal.

No, I mean tonight. What do you guys do
on the weekend?

I like to stay in, and then I go to
church.

Well, sometimes you mix things up a bit.
Yes, I go to church, and then I stay

in. I don't believe in God.

I'm very religious.

You're not going to church this weekend.

We're not going to go meet some porn
stars, and we're not going to hang out

them and pay them 150K because we didn't
bang them.

That sounds very interesting.

I'm going to go to Singapore now.

I might have a summit with North Korea,
or I might have it with myself. I could

summit myself a lot, and it can be very
loving and meaningful.

Well, it's been lovely having you here.

It's nice to meet you, Mr. Merkel.

Hey, do you guys have a bathroom? There
isn't one in this box.

Yes, it's... Uh -oh, too late.

You guys have a towel?

In health news, Jamie Oliver has been
lobbying MPs to ban cartoon characters

unhealthy cereal packaging.

Want to put them off the stuff?

Just stick Jamie Oliver's mug on the
boxes.

Bosh. Job done.

This is no good, Nicola.

I've scrubbed and I've scrubbed, but
they still smell of London.

A wee rub of Glen Moran's, you should do
the trick.

Thanks for coming to get me from
Westminster, Nicola. I hate it down to

house. It was no bother. I had to pop
down anyway to spray -paint Judith on

Regent Street branch of the Edinburgh
woolen mill.

Hang on. A cup and a straw.

Nicola, what are you doing?

Scotland leads the way in plastic
reduction.

We're the first to ban cotton buds and
straws. Aye, I know. All that waste

plastic created a huge floating plastic
island out there in the sea.

Decrease? No, it's an opportunity.

We shouldn't be reducing our plastic
use. We should be increasing it. Why?

Well, think about it.

The Chinese are using plastics to make
runways. The Colombians are using it to

make houses. So what if we use plastics
to make more Scotland?

More Scotland?

As big as England? Bigger! Make us the
major land mass in the UK.

See how they like being the little stuck
-on bits full of angry people.

We could make them get the sleeper train
to us instead of the other way round.

I'm calling it Operation Scotland's
Rubbish.

Well, that's just a working title.

It starts by putting all the discarded
plastic into the first of fourth.

It moves down to the North Sea. More
plastic. All the plastics. We'll wrap

in plastic.

Make plastic bagpipes.

Plastic bags to carry plastic bags.

I'm doing my bit. Look.

I've got plastic bottles.

I've got plastic cups.

I've got plastic sandwich wrappers.

You didn't really think I was going to
eat coronation bloody chicken.

Quick, we're on the East Coast main
line. We can get it direct into the sea

here. I know, yeah, we marry. We're only
at Berwick -upon -Tweed. Wait until we

cross the border.

The last thing we want to do is
accidentally make more England.

Well, wait a second.

Are we getting a wee bit carried away?

I mean, when you think about it.

What's more important? The entire future
of this fragile planet Earth?

Or Scotland?

Ladies and gentlemen, we are now
entering Scotland.

Dunbar, next stop. Next stop, Dunbar.

You all right in there? It's better than
the new U .S. Embassy.

Careful with that. It's got the
President of the United States in it.

Oh, my hair!

Morning, Mr Nookie.

That's a nice juicy pear.

I was just thinking the same thing.

Morning,

Bat. Morning, Dr Willie.

Sorry, Mr Nookie, is it swollen this
morning? It is now.

Oh, sorry,

I can't do this. I really can't take it
anymore.

Just done a triple shift.

I mean, I've been up for 48 hours.

I bet they...

But no, in all seriousness, we are so
under -resourced. I mean, we've got more

managers than we do medical staff.

Talk about top, Eddie.

I'll say.

Come along, Doctor.

Get a grip.

You've got a massive backlog.

That's just the way he's standing.

Right then.

Came in with acute sinusitis, then
contracted MRSA.

Oh, he's all stiff.

Sounds promising.

No, I mean he's dead.

Oh, not another one.

I love looking after people, but it's
getting so hard.

What? Well, no, the NHS is on the brink.
We need 50 billion by 2030. All the

foreign nurses are leaving because of
the government's hostile environment,

we do not have enough beds.

Well, I don't mind doubling up.

A man in your condition shouldn't be
getting so much excitement.

Oh. Oh, Mr Nookie, bad news. I'm afraid
your operation's been cancelled. You

what? It's just a routine NHS operation
and our NHS routine is to cancel them.

Oh, not again.

Oh, my ticker. Nurse, do something.

I am. I'm moving to Australia.

They're crying out for nurses down there
and the pay's double.

What? You can't just leave on the
promise of better pay and conditions and

actually hold up, I'm coming too.

Wait, you can't go down under without
asking first.

Hey, don't leave me. I've got acute
angina.

Acute angina?

Oh, forget it.

An undocumented migrant who scaled the
outside of a Paris apartment block to

rescue a child dangling from a balcony
has been awarded French citizenship.

If only the Windrush lot were still
nimble enough to climb, Amber Rudd might

still be in a job.

Christ, it's early.

Oh, what a bloody nuisance having to let
rooms out on Airbnb.

But Charles said that the wedding cost a
few guineas more than expected, so now

he's got me on a tight financial rein.

Would anyone like breakfast?

Yes, please.

There you are, my darling. Oh!

Not you too. Bloody hell.

Toast? Yes, please.

Oh, you see, the trouble with his
organic shit is that it goes mouldy.

Still, it's probably good for you.

What doesn't kill you makes you
stronger.

Now, would you like anything to drink?

Yes, please.

Gin or vodka?

Um, coffee?

Christ, one of those health nuts. How do
you take it? Gin or vodka?

Milk. Well, it's out there in the cow.
Do help yourselves. Just pull the bit at

the bottom.

Sugar? One, please.

There we go.

There we go.

Steady, boy. Steady, boy.

Well, I trust you'll give us a good
review.

I think it's important to be honest.

But I think it is equally important not
to commit treason.

She's gonna fake it while, fake it
while, fake it while, break the news.

Oh, it's Jedder. Oh, hi, Jeremy. Jedder!

Jeremy Corbyn. All right, lads.

Selfies all round, is it? All right.

Here we are. I'm going to put the hat
on. Stay on brand.

You might want to put that on social
media. Promote the gig.

What gig?

What gig?

Oh, you've been out of the country. Oh,
we're doing a massive rally here at

White Hart Lane.

Recreation ground.

Labour Live.

You might want to come along and still
get tickets.

You can still get tickets.

Selfies all round, is it?

I'm very angry with you, Mr Corbyn.

You need to do more about the anti
-Semites in your party.

I hear you. I am all over it like cream
cheese on a bagel.

It's all right to say that, is it? Some
of the guys you hang round with are very

bad people.

Yeah, but it's very good talking to you.

Right. A bit awkward.

But I want you to know that I'm
completely on top of all this Jewish

lads. I've spoken to every single anti
-Semite in the Labour Party and I've

them in no uncertain terms.

Tone it down a bit.

Actually, I've always been very careful
about the company that I keep.

Jeremy?

Gary Adams.

Oh, God.

Who the hell are you, you old double?

Yeah, well, I'm far, actually. What are
we doing here?

Well, I always promised myself when I
retired from Sinn Féin, I'd come to

and do all the touristy stuff, Madame
Tussauds, the London Eye.

I got a few funny looks at Buckingham
Palace, but you're... What can you do?

Friends of yours?

As myres.

Quite right, too.

He's my kind of guy, this fella. A real
rabble -rouser back in the day.

Some of the stuff you used to say at
those old Bobby Sands commemorations.

Lads, will you take a selfie of us?

Oh, oh, oh, is this really necessary?

Everybody's just obsessed with
photographs nowadays.

I'll tell you one thing. Jeremy was
always a great supporter of the

arms struggle. I'm going to have to
correct you there, Jerry.

All I ever tried to do in Northern
Ireland was bring about peace. I never

supported the military campaign.

No. And I was never a member of the IRA.

Is that the time?

Well, can we car share a light, sir?

Yeah. Environment and all that. Yeah,
I'll see you around, Jerry.

Long. You can drop me anywhere.

A bit awkward.

I'll burn another bloke.

Jeremy Corbyn? Yeah, that's right.

It's me, Ismail, from Hamas. Oh, bloody
hell.

How are you, my friend?

I haven't seen you since you invited me
to the House of Commons.

It was you, me, those guys from
Hezbollah?

Raheem Sterling's tattoo of a machine
gun on his calf continues to cause

controversy. Sterling says he got the
tattoo to remember his father who was

killed by machine gun fire.

For similar reasons, I got a tattoo of a
packet of woodbine unfiltered just here

on my boob.

Dead classy.

Are you a Ramoner who's scared about
life after Brexit? Worried you'll be

to queue for hours at passport control
while the rest of the EU walks by

laughing at you?

Well, you should be, you big British
eejit. But don't worry, Paddy Passport

help. The deadline for Brexit is fast
approaching.

So join the 160 ,000 Brits who have
already applied for an Irish passport,

presumably one that says, I'm still
European, so don't fucking hate me. Our

dedicated team will trawl through your
ancestry and find some kind of Irish

relative who qualifies you.

Sure. Everyone's a bit Irish, aren't
they? Petty passports help me remember

my own mother was from Dublin.

So the next time you see me playing Mrs.
Brown, it'll be the second other one.

If we can't find even a bottle of Irish
in you.

Don't stress yourself now. We also have
thousands of authentic Irish men and

women ready and waiting to tie the knot.

I'll share my frictionless borders with
any British man.

And he can take me to a country where it
rains marginally less and I don't have

to vote to get access to a safe
abortion.

Everyone's a winner.

And we don't just do Ireland.

Now we sort passports for remainers with
tenuous links to any EU country.

I hardly realise it's hot with Sally
Greek.

Say, we both got one.

So now, when the family nips over to
Santorini, we'll get to laugh at Will

Kate stuck in the British queue.

So no delay. Go to passportsforyou .com
now.

Not available in blue.

Oh, it's fancy.

Mr Southgate.

E -room service.

Only asked for a bag of plain crisps
about an hour ago. We represent the

government.

We do not represent Russian government,
neither did men who made prank calls to

Boris Johnson.

No, though that was hilarious.

Sorry, what do you want? Listen
carefully.

England will go out of World Cup in
first round. Yeah, well, everyone says

but I think if we can get Sterling fed
well from the wings, we've got a

chance tonight. No, listen.

England will lose first match 5 -0.

Well, yeah, that is a possibility, but I
think with a midfield engine of Dier

and Ali... Mr Southgate.

We are trying to threaten you. Yes, it
would be great shame if Beautiful Hand

were to get trapped in Corby Trouser
Trash.

Nothing is going to stand in the way of
Russia winning World Cup.

What, you mean you really think that we
could stand in your way, like we've got

a chance this year? I knew it. All this
team needed was a leader that inspires

confidence and composure.

Yeah, that is who we should be talking
to. Where is this great leader?

No, I meant me.

Is this the right man?

Yes. Dex Doudan, Gareth Southgate,
Zuckerblatt, Euro 96, Rashby, missed

Yeah, that was one time.

Are these players that you use for World
Cup?

Yeah. In this formation?

Yeah.

Forget that we say anything.

Come on, let us go and threaten more
dangerous sides like Panama or the great

sporting nation of Saudi Arabia.

W .H. Smith has been voted the worst
shop on the high street in a poll

by Witch magazine.

Customers ranked it... Don't people ever
get tired of voting in this country?

Honestly, just enjoy the time off. It's
a bloody stationary shop. We all know

it's shit. Why do we need to have a vote
about it? Shouldn't we all just get a

life? Hey, why not vote now?

Vote on that.

Hello?

My name is Carl, and I've been asked
here today to do some work around trust

your boss, Michael Gove. Yes, trust.

So important. Can I just say that I am
100 % behind you here, Carl? Thank you.

I'm not sure about Carl.

So, for our first exercise, someone is
going to let themselves fall backwards,

and Michael is going to catch them.

Cherry, if you'd like to help out here.
Don't worry, Cherry. I can categorically

assure you... that you have my total
support in relation to this exercise.

So you promise you'll catch me? I can
unequivocally state that I will

catch you. Right, Cherry.

In three, two, one... Ow!

You moved!

Yes, I was fully committed to catching
you, but then I realised that in all

conscience I could not do so, so I
decided and said not to.

Why do you think that was, Michael?

I don't know.

But I think the fact that I made a
difficult and unpopular decision proves

I am a man of principle.

OK, maybe let's try something else.

Tom, I'm going to ask you and Michael to
stand facing each other, join hands and

simply look each other in the eye for 20
seconds, OK?

It's probably just sweat.

I don't excrete a resin.

OK.

And time starts now.

And time's up.

Michael, how was that for you? I
actually feel much closer to Tom, like

now an unspoken bond of trust between
us. That's great.

And what about you, Tom?

Tom? It's possible that I have absorbed
his soul.

OK. If I could have another volunteer,
then...

Well, maybe I'll do this one myself.

I'm going to put on this blindfold, and
Michael is going to guide me to those

apples over there, avoiding all the
obstacles in the room.

And you have my unwavering assistance in
this matter. Wonderful.

Forward, forward, forward, forward,
forward, forward, stop, and turn right,

left, and turn left, and forward.

Forward. A little bit more.

A little bit more. A little bit more.

Well,

that's lunch.

Don't worry.

I won't run off without paying.

She doesn't really think 600 bottles of
wine, but she has been dumped and is

feeling impulsive.

BBC3 drama on iPlayer now. You can also
catch up on the series so far of All

Round to Mrs Browns ahead of another
celeb fest at 9 .10 tomorrow.