All language subtitles for The Weird Al Show s01e05 Time Machine

Oh. Oh, this is a story about a guy
named Al, and he lived in a sewer with

master pal, but the sanitation workers
really didn't approve.

So he packed up his accordion and had to
move to a city in Ohio, where he lived

in a tree, and he worked in a nasal
decongestion factory. And he played on

company bowling team, and every single
night he had a strange recurring dream,

where he was wearing leader holes and in
a vat of sour cream. But that's really

not important in the story.

Well, the very next year he met a dental
hygienist with a special attitude on

her arm, but he didn't even touch any
lobster number. Then he got himself a

on a tater tot farm.

Outro Music

Today's lesson is, it's important to
acknowledge your mistakes, learn from

and try to do better next time.

Screwdriver, screwdriver, where do all
the screwdrivers go around here?

Oh, good.

Hey, how you doing? Man, have I had a
busy morning. It's only 11 .32, and

already I've gotten so much done. For
one thing, I'm really close to finishing

this brand new invention.

Plus, I've gone through all the letters
in the mailbag and gotten my fortune

told by Madame Judy.

And, uh, old Bobby came over this
morning. I had to answer every single

his ridiculous questions.

And, of course, I had my weekly
highlight game with Terry Garr.

Man, did I get whooped.

It's just been a madhouse here this
morning.

Ah! Ah!

There! All done!

I've rewired this old clock radio into a
bona fide time machine.

Now I can go back to any point in
history anytime I want to. That's kind

cool, huh?

Let's see.

I've worked tirelessly for days on end,
and I finally invented something that

will change the very face of
civilization as we know it.

What should I do to celebrate?

I know! Watch TV!

Ow!

Careful!

Let this be a lesson to the rest of you.

Always make sure you warm up before you
start doing serious exercise.

Otherwise, you're liable to... Oh, not
my spine.

Oh, that's smart.

Stop it!

You have no respect for me.

That's what it all comes down to. And I
refuse to be in a relationship where I

am not respected.

I'm leaving you.

Goodbye.

Be sure to join us again tomorrow for
The Young and the Housebroken.

Today's kids question is from Lisa
Halliday in Downers Grove, Illinois, who

asks, Do anchormen really have anchors
attached to them?

Of course not, Lisa.

We have...

Huge concrete blocks.

Anchors haven't been used since the late
70s.

20 seconds to liftoff and counting.

Still no launch pad power. Can somebody
confirm status on that?

We have isolated the system malfunction
and we are ready to proceed.

Copy that.

Ignition? Houston, we have a problem.

Got a six -foot grounded heavy -duty
extension cord with a two -prong

Huh. Wonder who that could be.

I know. Where is he?

Who? Harvey? I predict he's in his habit
trail.

Happy birthday, little buddy.

For he's a jolly good hamster. For he's
a jolly good hamster. For he's a jolly

good hamster.

Which nobody can deny. No, it couldn't
be.

Today's not Harvey's birthday, is it?

It is Harvey's birthday. Oh, man, I
totally faith.

For you, little fella.

Your very own monogrammed spatula.

Very nice, very nice.

Hope you like it, Harv.

I made it myself.

I couldn't find thread that was strong
enough, so I used hair that I yanked out

of my own head.

Hey,

where's Val Brentwood, gal spy?

Guess she forgot all about Harvey's
birthday.

Can you imagine that?

Harvey!

Happy birthday, baby. I just finished
risking my life to bring you this.

It's a play do with a two -way radio.
Now we can keep in touch while I'm out

my dangerous spy mission.

Okay, okay.

From my own collection.

A crystal ball to guide your path.

Look! You can see the future swirling in
it already.

Wait a minute.

That's not the future.

That's saved by the bell.

Hey, this thing's picking up cable.

Cool.

I could never admit to Harvey that I
forgot to get him a present. He'd be

crushed.

If only I could do the whole morning
over.

Hey, I can do this day over.

I'll just use my invention to go back in
time, pick up a present for Harvey.

Come to think of it, I can redo anything
I want.

Oh, this will be great.

Okay, I'll just set it for 30 minutes
into the past.

There. Okay, now I just hit this snooze
bar and...

Ouch! I think my invention needs a
slight adjustment.

Went a little too far back in time.

That's a little closer, but still not
right.

Hey, it worked!

I've gone 30 minutes back in time from
where I started.

Now I can just run by Horatio's hamster
hut and pick out the perfect gift for

Harvey, and he'll never know I forgot.

I guess it's time for Al's mailbag.

Well, I don't have time to answer the
mail again. I gotta... Wait a minute.

Didn't see this one before.

A letter from the electric company?
Final notice?

Those ingrates!

I pay my bill almost every month!

These guys deserve a piece of my mind.

Hello, electric company.

Yeah, I just received a final notice
from you people, and I am outraged.

if you bozos can't wait for my payment,
then I don't need you.

I've got a hamster here with a wheel
that can power my whole house.

So get a grip, all right?

See, sometimes you've got to show these
big companies who... Technical

difficulties, but stick around.

With the help of my time machine, I'm
going to get Harvey a birthday present

it's the last thing I do.

We'll be right back. Maybe if Al would
just admit that he forgot Harvey's

birthday and try to deal with it, he
wouldn't need a time machine.

Hey, don't go away. The Weird Al Show
will be back in a flash.

Can you believe it? The Weird Al Show is
back.

Yeah. Hey, everybody.

A little misunderstanding with the
electric company here, and I'm almost

matches. I guess I should probably just
use my time machine again.

All right. Okay, I'll go back in time
another half hour so I can pay my

bill and get Harvey a present so he'll
never know I forgot.

Here goes.

Oh, that's better. Oh, hey, Madam Judy.

Silence told!

I am divining... your future that's
great but i already know my future and i

don't really have time for this right
now so can we do this some other day

oh i see that you are anxious oh you are
a very anxious

person anxious that's not what you told
me last time you told my fortune oh the

anxious man is soon bitten by
radioactive lobsters

Good to know. Okay, Madam Judy, I really
got to run. Just put this on my food

saying tab, okay?

Man, what a day this has been.

Can you believe it?

No! No!

Oh, she was right!

Oh, man,

that was creepy.

I sure hope there aren't any nasty side
effects.

Oh, I should be fine.

Now, what do I have to do?

One, call the exterminator to get rid of
the lobsters.

Two, pay the electric bill.

Three, there's three.

All right, I got fingers.

Yeah, okay, let's see. Call
exterminator, pay electric bill, get

present. Okay.

Hi, Al.

Bobby, I don't have time right now.

But Al, I just gotta know something.

Where do ice cubes come from?

Believe it or not, Bobby, I already
answered that for you, and I don't have

to do it again, okay?

But, Al, I really want to know.

Bobby, I'll tell you later. But, Al, I
want to know now!

Al!

You know what, Bobby?

I would show you an educational film on
this subject that I already showed you,

but based on your recent behavior, I
think there's another film you should

watch.

What are manners?

Manners are the rules we all live by
that keep us from beating the living

daylights out of each other.

When Mary goes over to visit her friend
Sally, and Sally tells her that she

smells funny, that's not very good
manners, is it?

No, and it's liable to hurt her
feelings, too.

What would a polite host do?

A polite host wears a sweater identical
to the one his friend is wearing.

That makes his guest feel at ease.

What other ways can we be courteous?

Well, when you attend a school assembly
and you have to sit through a boring

puppet show, don't talk, don't say a
word. Just act like it's the funniest

you've ever seen in your life.

Then get up and leave quickly before
they do an encore.

When eating in restaurants, remember,
the left fork is for the salad, the

fork is for the main course, and the
last fork is for defending yourself

rabid wolverines.

And most importantly, always remember
those three magic words.

Please, thanks, and uvula.

Try repeating these helpful phrases
after me.

Please move, you're standing on my neck.

Thanks so much for the giant bag of goat
droppings.

My, but you have a lovely uvula.

I hope these little handy hints will
help you to mind your manners.

So, Bobby, did you learn something here
today?

I sure did.

I learned that you won't answer my
questions anymore, you big doofus.

Here, take back the bowling ball you
gave me. I don't like you anymore.

But, Bobby, I... Ow!

Oh!

Okay, that's it. No more distractions.
I've got to get Harvey's present or he's

going to be so upset.

Ow!

Oh!

Ow!

Why are you in such a hurry?

Boy, our highlight game isn't for
another 20 minutes.

Oh, that's right.

Oh, Terry, Terry, I'm really sorry, but
I've gotten really busy. I'm going to

have to cancel.

Cancel?

Cancel? But I got up early for this. I
mean, I could have slept in.

Terry, I'm really sorry, but you
wouldn't believe how many things I have

Oh, cry me a river. Go!

And here, busy boy, you're going to need
your loud...

Must be getting kind of early in the
day.

You know, all this time travel is making
me kind of hungry.

Before I go any further, I think I need
a little nutrition break.

So why don't we make frozen waffle and
sardine nachos? Now, you start with

your waffles. Heat it or not, it's your
choice.

Then add the sardines, the nacho cheese,
some jalapenos, motor oil,

and the secret ingredient,

Shaved chocolate.

Now, personally, I like to shave the
chocolate myself.

Oh, and I prefer an electric razor over
the blade kind.

It just tastes better that way.

Electric ones are also a lot safer. I
mean, I can't tell you how many

I've... The razor's possessed!

Maybe next time I'll just use chocolate
chips.

Say, why does everything suddenly seem
louder?

Okay, it's 8 .30 in the morning. Now,
what do I have to do to make

everything right?

Okay. To hide all my mistakes, I need to
fix my electric shaver, get rid of the

lobsters, play highlight with Terry
Garr, pay the electric bill, answer

question, and buy Harvey a present.

Now, unless something gets in my way,
like, say, a Russian Cossack dancer, I

should be just great.

So, when Al comes to, maybe he'll
finally deal with the fact that he

forgot Harvey's birthday.

The Weird Al Show will be right back.

Promise! It's time for more of the Weird
Al Show!

Al!

Al!

Al! Al! What happened?

We came over to celebrate Harvey's
birthday and we found you like this.

Oh, yeah.

Must have bumped my head.

Look, let me just do what I should have
done in the first place.

You know.

Harvey, I'm really sorry, but I didn't
get you a birthday present. I totally

forgot. Can you forgive me?

Wait!

Harvey is channeling me. He says, eh, no
biggie.

He's just glad you're here. Now let's
snarf some cake!

Yeah! I can't believe all that running
around I did. Just so I wouldn't have to

admit I forgot.

I should have known my best friend would
understand if I made a mistake.

Okay, Harv, blow out that candle.

Hey, buddy, no problem. I think my band
is around here somewhere.

Oh, there they are.

I think we're all set up.

You guys ready to rock and roll?

All right!

Looks like Al solved his problem just by
admitting his mistake and apologizing.

See how easy that was?

This is boring.

Yeah. And I sure wish my morphomagic
degree.

Kids, are you looking for this?

It's Morpho Man's head!

Wow! All right!

Imagine the fun, imagine the adventure
when the Morpho Man's head and torso

collide! Put them together to strike a
blow against the forces of the evil

Emperor Zargo!

Take that, you evildoers! Yeah!

Combine them in the Morpho Car for
action -packed thrills! Hey, look out!

that train!

All right!

When Morpho Man becomes a viable life
form, the fun...

Morpho Man.

Head, arms, legs, feet, hands, torso,
and rear end all sold separately.

Don't even ask about the Morpho Car.

Hold your horses!

We'll be right back.

And now, the spying...

like a giant carbonated soda.

S -O -D -A soda.

I saw the little run sticking there on a
log.

I asked him his name and in a raspy
voice he said Yoda.

Y -O -D -A Yoda.

is starting to go.