All language subtitles for Madeas.Destination.Wedding.2025.720p.NF.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.Atmos.H.264-FLUX.Hi

-[Madea] Brown. Give the bags to Brown.
-[Cora] All right.

[Madea] Hold the damn door.

I'm holding the door!
Stop acting so ignorant.

You know it.

Hold the damn door or I'm
gonna have a problem with you.

Mr. Brown, did you pay for them grapes?
You know that's stealing, right?

The Bible says, "Taste and see."
If I paid, it'd be, "Pay and see."

They grow out the ground. The Lord
brought 'em. They should be free.

Just hurry up, y'all. Let's
hurry and get to the car.

Cora, why you so nervous?

What is you shaking for?
What's wrong with you?

Madea, y'all act like y'all don't
know that this neighborhood is bad.

Cora, I've been coming
to this grocery store

since you was a little...
since you was small...

-What?
-Since you was... Since time...

I've been coming here since you
was a little infantile baby girl.

Come on, we just need to
hurry up and get to the car.

What is wrong with you?

You need to come to this
store during the daytime.

I'm not coming here with all
the elderly people driving slow,

can't see, knocking
things over. Hell!

Madea, now, you elderly too.

Cora, I'm not elderly.
Who you calling elderly?

You in your eighties,
you elderly.

Now, I'm still fine. Ha, ha.

Wait, define "fine," because
you don't look fine to me.

What?

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder,
and my eyes ain't beholding nothing.

Nothing gets old but clothes,

and eventually they
come back in style.

You right. Look at me.

Brown, hold on.

-Brown, don't help me at all.
-[Brown] Why?

Let's just get in the
car, Madea. Come on, now.

That's why Cora got
me here, for security.

-Y'all get the stuff, I'm security.
-Brown.

You stand there looking
like a bunch of colors.

You look like a suit that
say, "Rob me, I'm easy."

-That dress look like you say, "Milk me..."
-Okay, y'all, that's enough.

Chocolate, number 2% milk.

-Get in the car.
-You ain't got to bring the basket back.

It's the ghetto.
Leave the damn basket.

-Who parked there?
-[basket crashes]

-[car alarm blaring]
-Go ahead, get in the car.

[Cora] Can't take y'all nowhere.

Get in the damn car, Cora.

[Cora] Make me nervous.

[lively funk music playing]

-Where's the seat belt?
-My car know how to work.

You ain't even have no
seat belt in this car.

[Madea] They had car seat belts
for whupping ass back in the day.

Well, I can't whup nothing like
that tonight, but let's go.

[Brown] Wait a minute.
Do I need to push?

Ooh. Wait a minute.

-[Cora] Where we going?
-[Madea] We going to the gas station.

-I got to get some gas, Cora.
-[Cora] Oh, my God!

[Madea] Cora, hell.
Hold on. Slow down.

-[Cora] Watch this turn.
-[horn honks]

[Madea] Oh, shit. Slow
down. I can't see nothing.

-[Cora] Oh, get in.
-[horn honking]

Look.

-[Madea] Excuse me. Excuse me.
-[Cora] Excuse me.

-[Cora] Oh!
-[Madea] I got to get some gas.

Well, come out here. Just
get on out the damn car.

We ain't got no seat belts
and then drive crazy.

I'm gonna use the seat belt to
beat the hell outta you with.

-Jesus. I can't even get out of this car.
-Cora, get out.

Go on up in there and
pay for the gas for me.

Where's the money at?

Cora, don't make me pimp
you out. Go pay for the gas!

I always pay for it!

You always gonna get pimped out
if you don't get up in there!

-I need my $400 back.
-Ain't nobody finna fill that thing up.

-Sure ain't.
-Takes $100,000.

I'm going to put $2 on it.

That's what I'm about to
do. Give me $2 on pump two.

-[engine rumbling]
-[tires screech]

[engine shuts off]

[tense music playing]

Oh, I know damn well you
ain't finna try to steal my...

[man 1] Does this
look like we playing?

Oh, that's a cute little
gun. That's a real cute gun.

[lively music playing]

[man 2] What are you
doing? You're crazy.

-[Madea] Hold on. What's the problem?
-[men groaning]

What's the problem?

What is the matter?

What is the problem?

Why are you running? Why are you
running? Why are you running?

-Why are you running?
-[engine starts]

Where are you running to?
What are you about to do?

-I'm running after you, hold on!
-[tires screech]

[music crescendos]

[music fades]

[laughs]

[men screaming]

-Get in the car, Cora!
-[Cora] What are you doing?

[Brown] I need my change.

-What in the world is going on?
-What happened?

-Get in the car!
-[Cora] What happened?

-I got on these high-heel shoes.
-[Brown] Hey, let me get my change!

I didn't get my change!

Let me get my change! Baby,
you can't just leave me!

-[lively music playing]
-[Cora and Brown yelling]

-[Cora] Wait! Madea, wait!
-[Brown] Wait!

[music crescendos]

[Cora] Wait!

What I wanna know is, why are we
here in this fancy restaurant?

What is this about?

Tiffany wanted to talk
to us about something.

When she wants to talk to
us, we go to Red Lobster.

So why are we here?

Oh, no. I don't do
that anymore, Brian.

-Oh, right.
-No.

-Yeah, your rich husband.
-Mm-hm.

-Yeah, rich husband. Where is he?
-[laughs]

-Well, he's away on business.
-Hm.

Oh, don't be jealous.

-Jealous?
-Mm.

No, baby. I'm not jealous.

Divorcing you was one of the
best things I could've ever done.

[soft piano music
playing over speakers]

Can we at least just try to be
sensible for tonight, please?

Just for our daughter.
We got one night.

You're always so uptight.

Yeah, I am uptight.
You know why?

Because their mom, who
married some rich guy,

comes in all the time

and gives them all these great gifts,
she's like the fairy godmother.

Where was she when they were younger
when I was doing all the work?

Now she's here.

Whatever this is, there better not
be any drama, any foolishness, okay?

Oh, there's my son. Hey.

Hi, Mom.

-Hi, Dad. Hey.
-Hey, son.

What are you wearing?

Oh, Tiff said dress up.

Dad said it was okay, so I just threw
on my old good things, you know?

-[Brian] Looks great.
-This is made great. It still fits.

-[Debrah] Uh-huh. Yeah.
-What's wrong with what he's wearing?

And, oh! And you
brought your backpack.

Yeah.

See, a nice addition.

-Dad got it for me last week.
-[Brian] What? Tiger the Teddy.

Yeah!

Actually, oh, I really gotta go.

I'm gonna use the lavatory.

I have to tinkle, I've been
holding this in all day. Dad, do...

-I think it's back there, son.
-Thanks, Dad.

You gotta go, you gotta go. Right?
Gotta go, gotta go, my boy. [chuckles]

Okay. He's 19 years old,

still walking around
talking about "tinkle"

with a teddy bear on
his backpack, Brian.

Here we go with the judgment.
Is that what you're doing?

Let's talk about judgment.
Bring the judgment.

I told you, let me spend some time
with him so I can teach him about life.

Ah, did you forget the
reason that I have custody?

Did you forget that?

My substance abuse
was years ago, Brian.

Yes, it was, at the time when both
these kids needed you the most.

Well, his daddy didn't teach
him how to be a man, now did he?

[Brian] B.J. has
a 4.0 GPA, okay?

-He knows nothing about life.
-We really doing this in this restaurant?

-You gave him nothing!
-[Tiffany] Dad?

-[Brian] Hi.
-Hi.

-[Brian] How are you, honey?
-Hey, sweetheart.

-Y'all aren't at it again, are you?
-No. No, not at all.

[Debrah] We're
fine. Right, Brian?

Dad?

Who's this?

-Oh, you remember Zavier.
-[Debrah laughs]

No, I don't.

-No, I meant Mom.
-[Debrah laughs] Right.

[both laugh]

-[Tiffany] What?
-Of course. Hey, Z. Good to see you again.

-Z?
-Yo, that shit on that boat?

-[Debrah gasps] Oh!
-Shit on the boat? What?

My husband was being so naughty.

I'm sorry. [laughs awkwardly]

Uh, who are you?

-I'm your daughter's man.
-[Tiffany] Yeah.

[Zavier] Yeah. 'Sup?

Zavier, but they call me Z.

'Sup, my nigga? [laughs]

What is happening right now?

-Hey! What's up?
-[Tiffany] Hey, B.J.

Oh, okay.

Z? Hey, man.

-What's up, big man?
-[B.J.] What's up?

-Wait. You know him too?
-Oh, yeah.

Mama introduced us last year, you
know, summer vacation in Italy.

It was pretty fun.

-Uh, so last summer?
-[Debrah] Yeah.

Last summer, yeah.

That's when Tiffany and
Z really hit it off.

And now they're dating.

Dating? This was four months
ago, and I have not met him.

Yeah, that's because
I wanted to be sure.

I'm sorry. Be sure about what? Did
you want to still date him? What?

[laughs] Shit, more than
that, I'mma be hitting that.

-Oh! [laughs]
-Okay, stop it.

What does that mean? What
does he mean by that?

Wait. [splutters]
Sorry, my dad...

I'm turning into my dad.
Wait, wait. What? What? What?

Can we all sit down so we can have
dinner and discuss it, please?

-Yes.
-[Debrah] Come on, B. Come around here.

[Tiffany exhales]

Oh, goodness. Brian,
come on. Have a seat.

Uh, yeah, I just wanna
know, discuss what?

-Well... Okay.
-Let me.

Tiffany wanted us
all to meet here

so she could share something
with you that I already know.

Tiffany?

-[quirky music playing]
-Share something? What... What's happening?

Zavier asked me to marry him.

-And I said... yes.
-[music turns tender]

And I gave my blessing.

-And now all we need is yours.
-[music turns quirky]

Eh, we don't need it,
but she would like it.

[dramatic sting plays]

-Can I give mine? Uh, 'cause...
-[Debrah scoffs]

[tense music playing]

[Zavier chuckles]

Well, Dad, say something.

Brian?

I, um... think I left the doggie door
locked and we need to let the dog in.

Wait, what? When
did we get a dog?

-What kind of dog y'all got?
-[B.J.] Dad!

I'm allergic.

-What?
-Hey, go easy, my nigga.

[laughs]

He doesn't look too well.

[Brian yells]

[music crescendos then fades]

[crickets chirping]

[man] Freeze, or I'll blow
your brains out if you move.

Daddy, it's me, your son.

I don't know you. Who
the hell say I know you?

Your mama done lied to you,
said that I'm your daddy.

Your mama's a liar.

How I know you my
child? How I...

Ow, man, stop it.

Oh, yeah. You my child.

Sitting there whining
like a little bitch.

Come on, Mabel. It's that
boy that the condom broke on.

[Madea] Oh, hey. Hey!

-Ooh, Lord. [laughs]
-Look at her.

-I didn't know who the hell...
-What are you doing in the bushes?

They been breaking
into houses here.

But they come to this address, they
gonna get glocked up in this piece.

Why do you have an
assault rifle and a gun?

What am I missing? I'm the
district attorney in this city.

Good, you can help us get off.

Yeah, uh, free Meek.

♪ In the club, I'mma free Meek ♪

[laughs]

So I guess you really think that
blood is thicker than the law?

Hell, yeah.

It's gonna be thinner than these
bullets when you laying here bleeding.

Uh, stitches get
snitches, chicas.

-[laughs]
-[Brian] Stop it.

What kind of guns are these? People
are killed by guns every day.

But guns ain't killing people. Shit,
people killing people with the gun.

That's right. You think I'm gonna
sit in my house with a damn .22

when these fools got TEC-9s?

I gotta meet power
with power, baby.

-[laughs]
-That's right.

I hold it like this. [laughs]
I saw that on the TV.

Told you he was a Democrat.
This is America, you understand?

And my second codependent...

Something about
a... some amendment,

one of the amendments
say I can carry this gun.

Do you even know what the
Second Amendment says?

Yes, it say I can shoot your
Black ass for sitting on my porch,

and I can stand my ground.
That's my second per-mendment.

[Madea] Brian, you know you need
to call before you come over here,

'cause I'd hate to have to bury your ass
in the backyard like them other mens.

Accidents happen.

I'm sorry, you'd shoot somebody
for sitting on your porch?

Basically. Hell, if I
could bury the body...

If they can't find
you, no face, no case.

[sighs] Why did
I come over here?

That's what the
hell we wanna know.

All right, come on, tell me, why'd
you come over here? What is it?

-Apparently to be abused.
-And shot.

[laughing] Double tap, bam, bam.

-[Joe laughs]
-What's going on, boy? Tell us.

Fine. Fine. This day
can't get any worse.

It's my kids.

Oh, Lord, this one.

[sighs]

Okay, what's that look for?

You too damn soft on them children,
letting them talk back and shit.

Right, and that little boy, ooh!

He just like his daddy.
He a little bitch too.

Yep. Just like his
daddy. A little bitch.

You know what? I'm going home.

Boy, sit your sensitive ass down,
hell. We're just talking to you.

We believe in tough love. Don't
come here looking for sympathy.

We gonna laugh your ass out the door
if you looking for sympathy. [laughs]

Life is hard. Get used
to it. Suck it up.

[chuckling]

Oh, you think this
is funny. Great.

I'm sorry, we've been
smoking. [laughs]

[laughing] Wee!

If Cora ever talked to me
like your kids talk to you,

I'd have been in the
electrical chair.

Hell, no, them children
would have been dead.

That's what I mean.

I would've been in an electrical
chair for killing them.

Okay. What was I supposed to
do, beat them like you beat me?

Look at you, you
turned out great.

You're a little on the...
side, but you all right.

You're a successful, law-abiding
citizen, better than we was.

I just feel like I
failed sometimes,

like I didn't raise
my kids well, okay?

I didn't want to give them
the beatings that you gave me.

I didn't want them
to be afraid of me.

I wanted them to have the freedom
to be able to express themselves

and be able to do whatever
they wanted to do.

Maybe if I had a better
example as a fa...

[tense music playing]

[gun cocks]

You about to get shot,
you better shut up.

Are you saying I'm the reason your
damn children is jacked the hell up?

You blaming me?
"Blame the parent."

What about their
crackhead-ass mama?

There are psychologists
that say...

Don't be talking to me
about no psythology.

I made you a man,
that's what I did.

You need to beat them kids'
ass before the police do.

It's taking too long, I'm getting tired.
What'd these kids do? I need to lay down.

Tiffany is getting married
to some boy I just met.

-Getting married? Who is this boy?
-Somebody I wanna kill.

Oh, Mabel, look
who want a gun now.

[chuckles]

I don't know what to do.
He's rude, disrespectful,

and they want to get
married in two weeks.

-Two weeks?
-[Brian] Yeah.

Oh, hell.

Oh, yeah, the rabbit
died. She pregnant.

No.

-Oh, hell, it's a shotgun wedding.
-No, he ain't got no shotgun.

[Madea] He ain't got no...

[laughs] He ain't got no...

Ooh, I'm so high. [laughing]

What am I gonna do?

[Madea] Go your ass home.

Bring him by here tomorrow.
I'm having a fish fry.

We'll play a little cards,
spades, and I'll talk to him.

Bring him by here tomorrow,
okay? You hear me?

You know, that's not a bad idea.

I know, I thought of it. Now get
your ass on out of my house. Go home.

But wait, I wanna...
I wasn't done talking.

[whimsical funk music playing]

[sighs]

This family. Jeez.

[whimsical funk music continues]

[music fades]

-Hey, hey.
-Hey.

-How you doing, Fred?
-You're here early.

What'd your kids do now?

She's getting
married in two weeks.

That's... sudden.

Yeah, who you telling?
This is the kid here.

Call our contacts at the FBI and
see what you can find on him.

I want everything. I mean, I
want everything there is to know.

-It says there he has a clean record.
-I know, but that can't be right.

I mean, this kid's, like,
he's a gangsta rapper.

He got a teardrop on his face.

She brings a kid in there
with a teardrop on his face!

Something's wrong. I can't find
anything on him in our system.

[splutters]

Fred, you gotta help me find
something. There's gotta be something.

-You gotta hurry.
-Okay.

-I'll see what I can find out.
-But hurry.

She said two weeks, so hurry up.

I got it. I'll get on it.

-Take it easy. Relax.
-Yeah, like yesterday.

I got it. I'm on it.

-[Madea] Just play. Play!
-[Joe] Play a card, boy. Here.

What the hell wrong with you?

You want to hit some of this?
You look all sad and depressed.

Looking like an
upside-down titty.

Don't you see I have a
beer? I'm good. Thank you.

He's sitting there drinking a
damn light beer with a lime in it.

[laughing] He
brang a light beer.

If that ain't some old bitch
juice, I don't know what is.

-[Cora] Uncle Joe!
-[Madea] Just play!

-[Joe] Play a card, boy. Hell.
-Uh-uh!

-[Bam] He set. He reneged.
-Nuh-uh. No, no.

-You reneged.
-You reneged. You set.

[Brown] You reneged.

You know your daddy don't
like y'all to get him set!

I can't stand your Black ass!

I was so mad when that condom
broke when you were born.

-Uncle Joe.
-Gonna get us set, gonna hit and renege.

I don't feel like
playing this game.

Brian, you all right?

-[Bam] No, Cora. He's upset.
-[Cora] Why?

About that daughter
of his being pregnant.

Pregnant?

Nobody said she was
pregnant. What are you doing?

Nobody said she was pregnant,
okay? No one said that.

-[Joe] Okay.
-[Bam] All right.

Just wanna know why she's in
such a rush to get married.

[quirky music playing]

-'Cause she pregnant.
-Oh, that's definitely pregnant.

And in two weeks, Cora.

You know why two weeks,
she'll be showing in three.

-That's why she's trying to get...
-[Cora] Uncle Joe!

-She is not pregnant. Stop it.
-[Bam] Okay. All right.

That is a reason to
run down the aisle.

Children don't rush to get married
no more when they pregnant.

No, they used to do that back in
the day. They don't do that no more.

All of that went out of
style with Brown's boots

and his dark-colored suits.

-[Cora]
-[laughing] Oh, Lord.

Lord.

-I really don't know what it is.
-[door opens]

Whatever it is, ha,
we finna find out.

Look at this. Look.

[Bam] That thing can walk.

-[Madea] She got theme music.
-Oh, shucky duck, girl.

I like that coat, Debrah.

-Thank you.
-[Brown] That coat is nice.

-It looks like a porcupine at the top.
-[Cora] Really nice.

Thank you guys so much.

Baby, that's a nice coat,
but is it that damn cold?

Ooh, she got all the fur just
wrapped all around her. Rawr!

[laughs] What is
that, girl? Pussycat?

Ooh, she got on squirrel.

-[Brown] That's chipmunk.
-[Bam] That's possum.

I ain't never seen no
blue possum squirrel.

Come sit down, baby.

-Look at B.J. Got a little book bag.
-[Cora] Hey, B.J.

Hey, B.J.

-What kind of hat is that?
-I don't know, baby. I just look at it.

Baby, I hear you
getting married.

I am. See, look at the ring.

Oh, well, you must be
the lucky young man.

[R&B music playing]

Yeah, well, you know what?
I think I found me one.

[Madea] Bam, leave
that baby alone.

And what the hell you gotta put
on lipstick for when you see him?

'Cause I want him
to look at my lips.

This is my fiancé.

How you doing, young man?

What's up, Ma?

-Uh-uh.
-[Madea] Ooh, "Ma."

-No, baby. Ma... What?
-[Bam] Ma...

"Ma" is slang.

No, he better put a D-E-A
on the back of that "Ma."

Don't be slanging
nothing over here, honey.

-Oh, hell. Who called the DEA?
-[Tiffany] Ooh...

I'm sorry, you sit here and act like you
don't know I am, like who I work for.

What are you doing?

Aw, you in the family, hell.

When you got the law in
the family, you all right.

Hell, I be telling
them all your business,

'cause I know what you doing
before you got all your clearance.

[chuckles]

[Brown] Anyway, young man,
let me introduce myself.

Uh, I am Leroy L. Brown,

and the I is for
"living lavishly large."

[laughs] What's up, old nigga?

Oh!

You heard him.

Did he just call me "old nigga"?

[Madea] That's
exactly what he said.

We don't say "nigga"
in this house, nigga.

Wipe that booger off
the side of your eye.

Brown, that's a teardrop, because
he killed somebody. I love it.

-[laughs] You funny.
-[Brown] You funny.

-Oh, yeah?
-[Madea] Is he high? He got to be high.

-[Bam] Yeah, he high.
-Look at them eyes.

Oh, I can recognize a good
high. What's that? Mary Jane!

-[laughs]
-[Cora] Bam!

I'm in love with Mary Jane.

Uh, excuse me, young man.
What's your name again?

Z.

Oh, okay, Z. Well, tell us
something about yourself.

-No, I'm not gonna do that.
-[Bam] Oh.

What? Wait a minute.
What did he say?

He said no, he won't do that.

He is an artist.

He prefers to let his
energy speak for him.

-[Brown] Mm.
-[Cora] Oh.

Like maybe a finger painting
artist or something. You think so?

He an artist?

That means he ain't got no job.
He got no job. He don't work.

Okay, since my dad
already told you,

we wanted to take this time to
formally invite you to the wedding.

-It's in two weeks.
-[Madea] Baby, let me ask you something.

Why is you rushing to get
married all of a sudden?

[pensive music playing]

Well, love has no time.

It lives in between molecules.

[deep, dramatic note plays]

Oh, okay.

[sighs] Well, it's gonna be beautiful.
So I want you all to be there.

Okay, now wait a minute now.
Y'all gonna have free food?

-Yes.
-[Debrah] Yes.

Y'all gonna have an open bar?

-Yes.
-Yes.

We will be there.

And wait, that's not
even the best part.

-[Brown] There's more?
-The best part is it's going to be a...

-Destination wedding!
-Destination wedding!

[women yelling]

-Oh, it's a destination wedding!
-[Brown] Destination!

-What's a defecation wedding?
-[Madea] Cora.

That means it's gonna be in
a beautiful place, Madea.

That's what that means.

Oh, like... Baby, they're finna take
us all the way to Biloxi. Pensacola?

No, no, no.

We're going to The Bahamas.

-We going to Africa?
-What?

Yeah, that's in South Africa,
Cora. You don't know that?

-[Bam] We ain't going to Africa.
-It's in Africa.

We gotta get our
passports first...

We gotta get a
passport to go there?

-[Cora] Yes.
-[Madea] Hell no, I can't go.

I am illegal in 92 countries.

Ain't no way they gonna
give me no passport.

Brian, you can help
with that, right?

Yeah, help us get our passport.

Do they test you when you get there? I
gotta get this weed out of my system.

Y'all get me some
cranberry juice.

Tiffany wants a beautiful wedding,
and the father pays for the wedding.

So we didn't wanna pick a place
like Italy or something like that.

We wanted to go to a place
where you could afford.

You can handle that,
I'm sure. Right, Brian?

Brian, if you want, I can help
you with a budget wedding.

-[gasps] Oh, no, darling.
-Oh, no?

-Y'all don't do budgets?
-[Debrah] We don't do budgets.

Right, but we all do budgets.

Oh, no, sweetheart, it's
gonna be lavish. Look.

-[whimsical, pensive music playing]
-Oh, lavish.

Look here, that place is beautiful,
all them beaches and everything.

But I am on a fixed income.

I cannot be going all
the way to no Bahamas.

Me neither, Mabel. I
can't go to no island.

Them men, they
gonna be after me.

Like Taken.

No, they ain't gonna do nothing but
takin' you and throw you back here.

Joe, you need throwing
back. Shut up.

They try to throw a hook out for her,
they'll say, "We need a bigger boat."

-[Brown] Yep.
-[laughs]

[Madea] Cora, that place
look real expensive.

It is expensive, but we
can go to this wedding.

We can pool all
together our money.

Uh-uh. My pool is empty.

And my pool is kiddie.

My pool ain't got no water.

And my pool is cess.
I can't go, Cora.

Seriously, y'all, we can
just all stay in one room.

I'm not gonna stay up in
a room with these people.

We can make pallets and
everything, Madea, it'll be fun.

No, baby, I need a
bed. I need beds.

Cora, I'm not sleeping
on no floor with Madea.

Okay, well, if Brian's ego would
allow us to pay for the wedding,

you wouldn't have to do all that.
You would have your own room.

[hopeful, pensive music playing]

-[whispers] Don't fall for it.
-[Brown] Put your echo aside.

[Joe] Hey, boy. She's
trying to set you up.

[Bam] He look like he's
smelling something.

Yeah, he does. He's getting
ready to choke her out.

-Uh...
-[Cora] Oh.

-He don't look happy.
-[Bam] He sure don't.

[tense music playing]

Debrah, can we talk outside in
traffic for a second, please?

Okay, never mind.

Tiffany, I told you that he wasn't
gonna be able to afford this.

-I know.
-But that's okay.

Because your stepdad and I
would love to pay for it.

It's already booked
and ready. [laughs]

I know the owner of
the resort. It's done.

-[laughs]
-Done.

[Debrah] Your father can't
afford nothing like that, girl.

[Brian] Oh, you know what?

So you're trying to make me look
bad in front of my family, I see.

That what you're doing?

Well, that's pretty
damn easy to do.

[Bam laughs]

-[whimsical music playing]
-Listen, it's handled, okay? It's done.

It's not handled,
okay? It's not done.

She's trying to set you
up. Don't fall for that.

[sighs]

The father pays for the
wedding of the daughter, so...

-[music turns suspenseful]
-Don't fall for it.

Don't. She... Don't do it.

I'm gonna pay for it!

Everybody will have their
own room. That settles it.

-We're going to Africa! Yes!
-[women cheering]

Oh, I gotta go get my bikini.

-[upbeat tropical music playing]
-[ululating]

[Brown] We're going to Africa!

[Madea ululating]

[Brown] Hey, hey!

-[Bam] They're not gonna let us in.
-[Brown] Yeah!

[music fades]

Hey, when they say "sex," I'm
just going to write down "plenty."

Be quiet before somebody
notice we over here.

-Mabel, are you nervous?
-[spluttering]

You know I don't like being
around white folks in uniform.

They be locking
people up just 'cause.

Girl, what if they
pull my record?

They're not gonna pull
your record, Madea.

-Just relax.
-They gonna pull up my record.

All you gotta do
is take a picture.

-Brian is taking care of everything.
-I took plenty.

Every time, it was
for a mug shot.

I know they got all my
mug shots back there.

They got cameras and people
listening. Probably in the sprinklers.

-They watching us in these lights.
-Mabel, fill out your form.

I don't want to.
I can't do this.

-I'm nervous.
-You wanna go to the wedding, don't you?

Listen, I'll see y'all there.

Madea, you got to
get your passport.

Cora, I don't need no
damn passport. I'm a thug.

I will hit that southern border
and make my way all the way around.

She know how to do that, Cora.

-Did Trump build the wall?
-Ah...

Mr. Leroy Brown?

Oh, yes, Leroy G. Brown it is.

The G is for "We
going to Africa."

-Be careful, Brown.
-[Brown] I am.

-He's so dumb.
-[woman] Right this way.

Betty Ann Murphy.

Oh. Present.

And we're going to Arabia.

-[Cora] We're not going to no Arabia!
-Yes, we are.

[Cora] That's just so dumb.

Joseph K.P. Simmons?

[Joe] That's me.

The K.P. stands for "Keep
pimpin' these hos." [laughs]

How you doing, baby? Come
on. Where we going, baby?

[Madea] I'll put some
money on your book, Joe.

Why didn't they call my name?

-Madea...
-Cora, I don't like this.

Madea, they didn't call you
because it's only so many workers.

Just relax. What's
wrong with you?

[Madea] Oh, hell. Is
that how I'm coming out?

-Just...
-Cora, she in handcuffs.

-I know they finna get me, Cora.
-They not gonna get you.

Cora, she in handcuffs.

-What makes you think...
-I know she in handcuffs, Cora.

-What...
-Why they got her in handcuffs, Cora?

-Why the lady in handcuffs, Cora?
-[quirky music playing]

Why did they... Maybe
she did something wrong.

Cora, I always do something
wrong. Why is she in handcuffs?

I don't know, Madea.
Just... You causing a scene.

You gonna draw them to you.

[woman] Mabel Earlene Simmons.

-Okay, I'mma go.
-Here she is, right here.

-This is her right here.
-No.

She called my whole
government name.

Madea, it's all right.
Just relax. It's okay.

Mabel. I got mine,
Mabel, I'm ready to go.

-See?
-She got hers.

-Yeah.
-[Bam] Well, get up.

-Mabel Earlene Simmons.
-[music turns suspenseful]

Madea, they calling you.

I can't do it. Every time
she say it, I get nervous.

-All I hear is clink, clink.
-Just go up there. Go.

Well, I got mine.

-You got yours too?
-Yep. Here we come, Africa.

We're not going to
Africa. See, Madea?

You just getting all
worked up for nothing.

[Joe laughs]

All right, y'all.

Joe, you got yours?

Yeah, yeah, I got it.

Did they ask you about Vegas?

What the hell you... Don't
talk about Vegas up in here.

-What happened in Vegas?
-Nuh-uh.

Stay in a child's place. It was
before you was born. Uh-uh. Hush.

Cora! Shut the hell up.

Don't worry. They was talking about Vegas.
You ain't gotta worry, baby. [chuckles]

But don't you want
to go to The Bahamas?

-Y'all send me a video and some pictures.
-Madea.

Let me tell you something. I
got chills up my holy spine.

The Holy Ghost is telling
me to leave right now.

Saying, "Mabel, this is the Holy
Ghost. Get outta here right now."

-Mabel, you ain't got no Holy Ghost.
-Last call for Mabel Earlene Simmons.

Go, Madea, that's
your... Here she is! Go!

Cora, if you don't get your hands off
me, I'll punch you in your Adam's apple.

Well, don't hit me.
They called you.

-Maybe they giving away flat-screen TVs.
-You got one too?

-You can get a free TV?
-[Bam] Yeah.

-A flat-screen?
-[Bam] Yeah.

-[Madea] Fine, I'm going back there.
-Well, go.

[Madea] I'm not
scared of nothing.

-That's right.
-I'm not finna be scared of these people.

It's a passport. What
are they gonna do?

That's right.

[Madea] I'm gonna
get my passport.

-Yes!
-[Cora] Go get it.

-Madea, please, just go.
-Fine!

Lord, forgive me for lying. I
just wanted to get her to go.

Thank you!

Built like a damn
nine-volt battery.

[Brown] I mean, just square.

-Right, may I have that, please?
-Yes.

-Thank you.
-Where you want me?

Uh, right over there.

Stand right here? Okay.
I remember these boards.

[chuckles nervously]

[suspenseful music playing]

You look familiar.

Konnichiwa.

-Okay. Um, yeah, stand right there.
-Mm-hm.

Okay.

Uh, no, ma'am. Turn around.

Turn?

-Okay.
-Right this...

No, ma'am. Forward.

-This way?
-Yes, ma'am.

-Okay.
-Yes. Okay.

All right, you got me.

Where my number? Just give
me the number, I'll hold it.

-You got me. Just give me the number.
-No, ma'am. Just stand still.

-Okay.
-Straight face. No smile.

-All right. Thank you.
-Yeah. You're good.

[whispers indistinctly]

[suspenseful music continues]

I told Cora.

Excuse me.

I gotta go to the bathroom.

-Cora, they coming to get me! [yells]
-[music turns dramatic]

Cause enough wind to
be a damn hurricane.

Hey, watch the glass, big bitch.

[yelling]

Oh!

-Ooh!
-[Madea yells]

-[Brown] She dead.
-[woman] Is she okay?

-[Brown] No, she ain't okay. She crazy.
-I gotta go check on her.

-Ma'am.
-Lord.

-Quick, come on.
-Mabel, get up.

Is she all right?

-Madea, are you all right?
-She alive.

-Oh, my God, Madea.
-[woman] Is she okay?

No, I'm not okay.
Call the... [mumbling]

[all exclaiming]

I didn't see that glass.
Now I done busted my ass.

She all right. She
okay, ma'am. She's okay.

Y'all got a back door? I'm
gonna meet them in the car.

-She all right.
-Ma'am, here's your passport.

Oh, I got my passport?

-Yeah.
-Oh, okay.

Oh, I look good too.

[tranquil tropical
music playing]

-Where's the bride-to-be and the groom?
-Mm.

Debrah took them there
on a private jet.

-What? Debrah got it like that?
-Mm-hm.

-No. Her husband has it like that.
-[chuckles] Oh.

-Oh, okay.
-And she never lets me forget it.

Cora, this wedding is
costing me a fortune.

She said she would pay for it.

No, I wasn't gonna
let her do that.

And I'd hear about it for the
rest of my life? No, no, no.

I did manage to save a little money.
I got some things on a budget.

Well, that's good. Wait a
minute. Now what'd you do?

Mm. Don't worry about it. Where's
Madea? I haven't seen her.

You know her big ass don't walk.

Got a four-by-four trying to
drag her up that elevator.

-[Madea] This airport too damn big, child.
-[Joe] There she is.

-[Madea] I got to walk all the way here?
-No. That's why they got you a ride.

I like this airport,
baby. It's real nice.

-When you been here?
-I only come to one or two of 'em.

-[Brown] We about to pop a wheelie.
-We going to The Bahamas!

-Where y'all going?
-Where you going, Alabama?

-There they is.
-[Madea] Going to The Bahamas.

[Brown] We going to Africa.

We're going to The Bahamas.

Oh, it's this here.

-[Cora] I smell burning.
-[Joe] Them damn tires on the floor.

-Get off here.
-I'm trying to. I got a way to get off.

[Madea] Ooh! Look how that tire
jumped way up when we got off.

-You did that.
-You'll need some new tires.

-[Bam] Oh.
-Here's your bag, miss.

Oh, thank you. I live alone.

-And here you go. That's my number.
-[sensual music plays]

Uh, okay, I'll put
it in a safe place.

Bam, that man don't want
your number. He want a tip.

-Tip, tip, tip. Catch me.
-[Brown] What?

Oh, hell, that
ain't no damn tip.

Okay, all right. We're boarding.

-All right, let's go. Where we going?
-[Bam] We're going to the gate.

Oh, Brown, I left my purse.
Grab my purse off of there.

[Bam] He got my tip.

It ain't on there. I
got my purse! [laughing]

[Brown] What you got
me running for, then?

Come on, let's go and get on
the plane. Get on the airplane.

He's so damn gullible, ain't
he? Hey, "Gullible travel."

Get on in.

Ooh, Lord, we getting ready
to go on to The Bahamas.

[Madea] I don't even
understand this.

-[Bam] Mabel, why are we back here?
-No, I don't under... Hold on, Brian.

-Yeah.
-[Madea] I do not understand.

Uh, what we doing back here?

-Right.
-The big seats is up there.

-[Bam] Right.
-Well, Madea...

Hold on. Debrah said
she was gonna fly us,

so we supposed to be
sitting up in first class,

not back here like we damn Rosa
Parks in the back of the bus.

Brian is gonna pay for it. I
mean, he's taking care of this.

What? Hell, I told your dumb
ass to let her pay for it.

-[Bam] Right.
-I paid for it.

-Wait, we're up here?
-Yeah.

Uh-uh.

Nigga, what's wrong with you?

Spending all that money on a
wedding that'll last two weeks.

-That's all it's going to last.
-I hope not.

Okay, all right. Thank
you, Daddy, okay?

You're embarrassing me in
front of all these people.

No, Mabel, I can't
sit in no coach.

Okay, your seats match the
ticket number on the seat.

That's where everybody's
sitting, okay?

Is this the chair? Oh, no,
I can't sit in no chair.

Give me a folding chair. I can't
be sitting up here in no coach.

What is coach, Bam?

[Bam] It's this little
bitty-ass seat, Mabel.

Baby, these hips right here do
not work on no coach machine.

Them seats ain't small.
Hell, your ass just big.

Daddy, can you sit down?

Pilot, y'all got a weight
limit on this plane?

Is there a problem?

[Madea] Yeah, there's a problem.

[Joe] We all supposed
to sit back here?

You got all of us trying
to sit on this airplane?

Can everybody sit down?
Thank you. We're sorry.

-It's my family.
-Ain't finna sit here like Rosa Parks!

We don't know what's
in this damn plane.

You got us trying to
sit on this airplane?

[tranquil tropical
music playing]

I am so glad I lost
those three pounds.

[Madea] We wouldn't have
been able to sit here.

-[Bam] That's right.
-Ooh, Lord.

I almost can't breathe.

-Just...
-I can't breathe either.

And it's cold on here.
Why it's so cold?

Can y'all turn the heat up?

Madea, just calm down.

Give me the blanket here.

-Yeah.
-Thank you. Put this over myself.

Look at them over there. Looking
like two damn pigs in a blanket.

[chuckles]

-You good?
-I'm better.

-All right. Y'all just be still now.
-Okay, good.

How we gonna be still?

We can't do nothing but be still,
stuck up in here like this.

-Mabel.
-What?

These seats so tight, girl.
Y'all giving me a mammogram.

-Maybe.
-Eh!

-Mabel, hm-hm, look.
-What?

-Is he...?
-[Bam] Is that a coloring book?

[Cora] Madea, y'all
leave him alone.

About to go to college and still
playing with coloring books.

[Cora] They make coloring
books for adults.

No, they don't, unless
the people naked in them.

No, they don't.

[Madea] Something
wrong with him.

They have coloring books that
relax your mind for adults.

That's Paw Patrol.

Hey, got a coloring book, huh?

Huh?

Color... What you listening to?

Oh, Beethoven's Fifth.

-Betobeben's Fifth?
-Yeah, "Beethoven."

Betobeben. Oh, the dog.

Yeah, I saw that movie with
the dog. He was a big dog.

Oh, you talking about
classical. You like it?

-Yeah, it's soothing.
-Yeah.

Do you wanna listen?

-Nah, nah.
-Are you sure?

I'mma pass on that bullshit.

[B.J.] What are
you listening to?

Let me turn you on
to some Young Thug.

-Young Thug?
-Young Thug, yeah. Play that, nigga.

-Interesting name.
-Yeah, listen.

-Is he new?
-No, he ain't new. Listen to it.

♪ 'Bout to set up
a li'I mousetrap ♪

♪ You's a pussy, nigga,
you's a pussy... ♪

Oh, my.

-Oh, Grandpa.
-Yeah.

They're saying the P-word a lot.

I can't listen to this.

This is so bad.

The P-word?

Yes. How can you listen to that?

-What the hell? That boy don't know what...
-Daddy, stop it.

-He don't know what...
-Daddy.

-He don't know what poontang is?
-[Madea] Shut up.

-He don't know what coochie is?
-Daddy, stop it, okay?

What? Hell, he came from one.

[captain's bell chimes]

-Do you know what they were singing?
-Yeah. Just go back to your coloring book.

Yeah, y'all listen to your
music, finish your coloring book.

-Damn shame.
-[turbulence rumbling]

-Oh, wait! Mabel!
-What the hell? [screams]

-[Madea] What the hell happened?
-What the hell is that?

Oh, Mabel!

-[Brown screams] Uh-uh!
-[dramatic music playing]

What the hell happened?

-Calm down. Everybody, calm down.
-[Cora] It was turbulence.

Just a little turbulence.

-[whimsical music playing]
-[yells] I can't hold it no more!

-Mr. Brown.
-Dad, what is wrong?

-You have to sit down.
-I can't!

Whenever I get nervous, my
stomach starts bubbling,

and I'm about to blow it up!

-Oh no, don't say "blow..."
-[Brown yells]

Oh!

-[marshal] Where's the...
-[screaming]

Where's the bomb?
Give me the detonator!

A gun! Is that a terrorist?

-[marshal] I'm not a terrorist!
-He's a federal marshal.

-He said he had a bomb.
-I don't have no bomb!

-[Brian] No, no, no.
-DA Simmons?

Yes, DA Simmons. Listen,
he didn't mean it.

He meant "blow it up" like
"smell bad," a bathroom.

He doesn't have a bomb.

-Are you sure?
-Yes, I'm sure.

-I think I did it.
-[marshal] You did blow a bomb.

Oh, he did have a bomb.

-[Bam] Oh, Brown.
-[Brown] I think I did.

Oh, Brown.

-Did he defecate on himself?
-Oh, Brown.

That Brown went brown.

I think I did.

[Madea] Oh, Brown.

I think I did. Don't look at it.

I'm going on to first class.

[Brian] Brown, you're leav...
You're streaking, Brown.

Don't look at it.

It's worse than that woman who
had diarrhea on that plane.

Brown, you're streaking,
Brown. Oh, Brown.

Oh, Lord, Brown.

-Y'all got some wipes?
-[Madea] Brown, close the damn door.

[tropical music playing]

♪ Send it right now... ♪

[Bam] Sir, why are you driving
on the wrong side of the van?

[Brian] Bam, this
is The Bahamas.

They drive on the
opposite side of the road.

-[Cora] This is amazing.
-[Joe] Yo!

-What's this look like to you? What?
-I saw this in Detroit.

-It look like downtown Detroit.
-It does not. Detroit does not.

Bam, this does not
look like Detroit.

[B.J.] Dad, they got seahorses!

-[Brian] This looks expensive. Wow.
-[B.J.] Whoa!

[Cora] You got it.

[Joe] This looks
like a cathedral!

-[Brian] Wow.
-[Cora] Ooh-wee!

Yeah, this is lovely, honey.

This is beautiful.
This is beautiful.

-We can set up chairs and everything.
-Yeah.

[excited chatter]

-Yes. Just come on.
-We got to be in Egypt.

-No, we're...
-It's The Bahamas.

Hello. Welcome to
Atlantis Paradise Island.

-Thank you very much.
-No problem.

[Cora] Bam, you okay?

[Bam] Yeah.

You that tired?

Hush, Brown. Just hush, okay?

Worry about your own self.

You walked just from the bus, and
you out of breath? What's wrong?

-You need to get your heart checked.
-Are you okay?

-I'm so annoyed.
-[woman] Oh.

-[Brown] You look it.
-[Bam] It's okay, Mabel.

Oh, Lord, have mercy. That
plane worked on my nerves.

-Brown, you smell like shit.
-She's fine.

You should have
washed on that plane.

I'm sorry to hear that. Is there
anything I can get for you?

Yes, you can get me
Atlantur. Thank you. Hellur?

Well, this isn't Atlanta,
but it is Atlantis.

I promise we'll make you
as comfortable as possible.

She's fine. We just need to
get checked into our room.

We had a little rough
ride getting here.

-Which name is the reservation under?
-We all with him.

-Simmons. Brian Simmons.
-[woman] Simmons?

-Yeah.
-[Bam] That's him.

Simmons. Okay, uh...

We have two junior
suites for all of you.

-Two, that's right. Two for everybody.
-[Bam] Say what?

-[Cora] Huh?
-[Madea] Two room for who?

All of us in the same damn room?

No, we're not in the same room.
We'll be in two rooms, okay?

[Bam] You lying to me.

Well, I didn't know either,
y'all. We could make some pallets.

Cora, if you say "pallet" one more time,
I'mma punch you in your damn throat.

[Cora] Why?

What the hell you saying? I'm
taking my Bahama mama home.

Hell no, boy. Let me tell
you something right now.

I never liked you. I
never liked you at all.

You was the last sperm.

You gotta watch that last sperm, that's
the one that gets you in trouble.

Uncle Joe, would you stop
that? That's your son!

I don't like him, hell.

He got me in coach, now got
all of us in the same room.

My blood pressure's
going through the roof.

If you're trying to kill me for
the insurance money, I have none.

The insurance is on Joe. Kill
his ass, and I'll be happy.

But leave me the hell
alone up in here.

And don't ask me how I
know the beneficiary,

but if he get pushed off a
boat or die in a plane crash,

I might be all right.

Just calm down,
y'all. Don't do that.

Shut up! Don't talk to me, Cora.
You got me here to a wedding.

[Joe] Women up in here.

-[Bam] Two rooms!
-[Joe] She's kinda cute back there.

-[Bam] I could've stayed at home.
-What if I got to pee?

After what you just did
on the plane, Mr. Brown,

you'll be in the other
room. It's all fine.

-Y'all just calm down.
-Y'all make no sense.

[chattering]

-It's okay, y'all.
-[Bam] Ain't you a lawyer?

-[Cora] He's trying to make it work.
-Hey, hey!

You guys made it.

Damn, Debrah look good.
I see why you liked her.

Since she got off that
shit, the ass came back.

How you doing? Good to see you.

Hey! Ooh! I like her
hair. Her hair is nice.

What's the matter?

-[Madea] They got us in the same room.
-[Joe] What is wrong with you?

Well, I told Brian

that my husband and I would
gladly take care of it.

But he insisted that he
wanted to pay for it.

[Bam] Brian, you know what?

[Debrah] But that's okay,

because I have all of
your rooms on standby.

-[Brown] Ooh!
-[Bam] Thank God for you.

I knew that he couldn't afford
it, and it would be a nightmare.

So I was prepared to step in.

Oh, that was shade. That was
what the young people call shade.

Be nice, Debrah. Be nice.

I said I was paying for it,
okay? That's what I said.

Not two damn rooms, you
not. I know damn well.

I'm finna get the
hell up outta here.

Give me a car, a cab. I need
an Uber. I'm going home.

I got it, okay? I
got it. I got it. Ha!

Boy, don't let her
set you up like that.

How much will it
be for seven rooms?

My husband is friends with
the owner of the hotel,

and I talked to them about
giving you a steep discount.

[Brown] Shut up.

How steep is steep?

Uh, half price, sir.

-There you go.
-Half price? Half of what?

Well, the rooms
are $100 a night.

-Do that.
-That's good.

-[Bam] $100 a room?
-Yeah, for two nights, I can do that.

-Only for you, sir.
-Oh, that's beautiful. Thank you.

-[woman] May I have your card?
-Yes.

-[Bam] He got a debit card.
-[Brown] Debit.

-[Bam] It's red.
-[Cora] Don't do that.

I could've used my EBT.
What is he doing with a red?

How you get a red debit card?
That means you in the red.

Thank you so much. He likes to
feel like he's contributing.

A debit card. He's
using a debit card.

-Your card.
-[Brian] Thank you.

-[Bam] I hope it go through.
-[Cora] Y'all don't have money.

-Your room keys.
-Thank you.

[Bam] A red card!

[laughing]

-[Brown] Shut up!
-[Cora] Don't do that.

-[Bam] At least he in the red.
-[Brown] I got a credit card.

With his debit card.

You got a Sears card. Sears
ain't even around no more.

-Thank you.
-[Bam] I got a EBT.

-Bam, he got it.
-[Bam] He got a debit card.

Madea, I have a really
nice suite for you.

Ooh, Debrah, I always liked you.

I made sure they saved
you a special suite.

I mean, it is beautiful.
It has an ocean view.

Thank you. I tell everybody.
I say, "I like you."

All for you.

-Mabel, you so two-faced.
-What you talking about?

You said on the plane you didn't like
her 'cause her breath was stinky.

Bitch, shut your mouth.

-Great.
-[woman] You're all set to go.

[Brown] He had to use two
of them. He split it up.

[Bam] I'd like a big room.

[Madea] Give me a key.
Can I have my key?

Thank you so much. Is
this my key? Thank you.

Come on, my room better be
nice. It better be nice.

I want... You get your
key. I want a suite too.

[Bam] She's standing
back in her lane.

Oh, wait, Dad. Come on,
there's a water slide.

-Waterslide?
-[B.J.] Yeah.

-Waterslide? Yeah, sounds like fun.
-[B.J.] We gotta go.

We have many water slides.

Really? Y'all got, like,
the big water slide,

where you come all the way down,
all to be, "Whoa!" Like that?

-[woman] Yeah, just like that.
-Oh!

I wanna go. That's gonna be fun.

There's some passes in those.

Feel free to use them on any rides,
attractions, slides, anything.

And if you need to,

you can use your room key to
charge any additional rides.

Come on, let's go.

-Dad, we got passes!
-Yeah, come on.

Let me ask you something.
Y'all got a casino over there?

Yes, sir. Yeah. Yes, sir.

[Joe] All right, now.

[Brown] Joe, you don't
need to be at no casino.

Brown, shut the hell up.

Mind your damn business.

[Brown] You already lost
your car and everything.

Joe!

Just let him go.

He's only got 20 bucks
anyway. He'll be fine.

He lost the house the last
time when he was gambling.

-Whoo! This is beautiful.
-Yes, indeed, baby.

I know it. It looks so good.

-You picked a good place for a wedding.
-Thank you.

-Yeah, that's a lot of money, though.
-Mabel.

Yeah, I'm sure it is.

I'm gonna need me a cart
or a scooter or something.

I hope they have a
good buffet here.

Oh, I'm gonna eat good today.

Look at them aquariums.
Maybe they'll fry some fish.

Is that all included?

-Included?
-Yeah, is that all included?

If you invite me somewhere,
you gonna feed me.

Now, Brian done paid for the
room, you can pay for your food.

I'm not paying for nothing.
I'm a lady of the evening.

If I pay, I'm getting
something. I'm gonna eat.

You got to feed me. You think
this is the Fyre Festival?

-What's the Fyre Festival?
-Don't worry, Bam.

I was laid out on that beach
looking sexy with nothing to eat.

-That sounds hot.
-That sounds nasty.

Ladies, don't worry about
it. It's all-inclusive.

-Put everything on the room.
-Put it all on the room?

Hell, put it all
on the room, yes.

-[indistinct chatter]
-[games chiming and ringing]

Fine-ass women in here.

[dealer] Two.

I wonder if this...

[dealer] Two. Baccarat.

Remains at two. Okay,
player wins. Player.

You won, huh?

-Excuse me.
-Hi. Hello.

-How you doing?
-I'm good. How are you?

Good. Yeah, I only got $20.

Can I give that to you,
and you give me a chip?

Yes. Do you have your room card?

My room key. Why you
want my room key for?

We can bill it to your room.

You can bill it to my room?

-Yes, sir.
-Just with this?

-Yes, sir.
-[Joe] I keep my cash?

Yes, sir. Upon checkout,
we bill your credit card.

-My credit, I ain't got no cred...
-[whimsical, pensive music playing]

Oh, well, uh, never mind. Yeah,
bill it to my credit card.

-[dealer] Uh-huh.
-Yeah.

-How much can I get?
-Whatever you like.

Give me $100.

-Here you go.
-Okay.

Okay, 100.

-That's all I gotta do, is say "$100"?
-[dealer] Yes, sir.

Give me $1,000.

Okay, 1,000.

Shit, give me five
motherfuckin' thousand.

Okay, 5,000 it is.

-That's good. Let's play!
-[dealer] All right.

Give me 5,000 in them chips.

-[dealer laughs]
-Look at this.

[dealer] For you, sir.

We finna play this thing.
What, I gotta place a bet?

-[dealer] Place a bet.
-$5,000.

[dealer] 5,000 it is.

-[Joe] That's my bet.
-Yes, sir. That's a bet.

[laughs]

-All they do is bill it to the room.
-[dealer] To the room.

[Joe] If I want a drink, I
can bill that to the room?

[dealer] It's complimentary.

-The drinks is complimentary?
-[dealer] Yes, sir. 5,000.

Hey, get me a drink over here.
Give me some malt liquor.

-$5,000, there we go.
-Yes, sir, it is.

-[Joe] Play a card then, shit.
-5,000.

-There we go.
-[Joe] Here we go. Place your bet.

Do I win?

-Six.
-[Joe] Do I win?

-One.
-[Joe] Do I win?

You win. Seven.

-I won?
-[dealer] Yes, sir, you did.

[lively funk music playing]

-[Joe] How much I win?
-5,000.

I won $5,000?

[dealer] Yes, sir.
You won 5,000.

-[music fades]
-Here you go.

-[Cora] Ooh. This is...
-This my room?

-[Bam] No, uh-uh.
-This is my room?

-Yes, it is.
-This is so beautiful.

Look at that view,
baby. Look at the view.

[Bam] Oh, my goodness!

-This is gorgeous.
-Yes, indeed, honey. I feel rich.

-This your bed.
-This is my room.

I feel like Dian-ta Ross.

-Dian-ta Ross?
-Yes.

-Good bed. Lord. Look at that.
-[Madea] Ooh, Cora.

[Madea] Look at this big
old closet, and bathroom.

-Look at the pictures.
-Y'all got to see this bathroom.

[Cora] Oh, my Lord.

-[Bam] What's in that bathroom?
-[Cora] I mean! Ooh!

Baby, this bathroom is
bigger than my damn kitchen.

-[laughs] It is. It really is.
-[Madea] And look at...

Ooh, this is gorgeous.

What they got two toilets for?
That don't make no sense to me.

I don't wanna be next to nobody.

You ain't gonna be
sitting next to nobody.

[Madea] Look at the bathtub.

-[Cora] Two.
-[Madea] Yes, indeed.

[Cora] It could be two
people in that bathtub.

[Madea] I love it, make
me feel rich, baby.

Lord have mercy.
This is just good.

Yes, indeed, honey. This is just
wonderful. Debrah, thank you.

You're welcome. I'm
glad you like it.

This is gorgeous.
Ooh, Debrah, girl.

-This is so gorgeous.
-It is. Look at that view.

Ooh, look, Debrah. Girl,
how much is this room?

[laughs]

Now, you know I got
Brian a great discount.

Oh, yeah, you did.

I love a good discount. I live
like I'm rich with a discount.

You better ask somebody,
in my luxurious bed,

"Hello, turn me
a letter, Vanna."

[all laughing]

-I know it.
-Well, I'm glad you guys like it.

But, Cora, your room's
gona be over there.

The room connected to mine? We
got our room connected, baby.

-[Debrah] There you go.
-That's not good.

-[Madea] Yeah, so close.
-Bam, your room is through there too.

Through... Wait a minute.

Now, if I close that door right
there, can they hear me in here?

-What?
-[Madea] Bam.

I mean, 'cause... Wait a minute. Do I
gotta enter through this common area?

Or can I just go and
come like I want to?

You have your own
entrance and exit.

Ha!

High-five myself. [laughs]

Bam, now what do you need your
own entrance and exit for?

Baby, don't worry
about it, Cora.

-Don't worry about it.
-Right. That's right.

Stay in a child's place
with your 59-year-old ass.

[Bam] Mind your
own business, baby.

You be spending too
much time with Jesus.

Jesus only need one entrance.
Bam need three or four.

-[Bam] Save yourself, huh?
-[Madea] Save yourself.

-I'm all right.
-[Madea] You ain't ready for her.

-Go put on your 'kini.
-I'm going to go put on my 'kini.

I'll see y'all later.

Go put on your 'kini
with your high booty.

I go right on through here?

-Yeah.
-Okay. All right, all right.

I'll see you later, baby.

-Well, listen, guys...
-[Bam] Oh, my God!

She just excited. Go on.

-I'm gonna leave you to it.
-Okay.

Change clothes, be
comfortable, do all the things.

See you at the boutique
for Tiffany's dress.

-Yes, close the door.
-It's beautiful. You'll love it.

You look beautiful. Thank you
so much for helping us out.

-Of course!
-Brian don't know what he doing.

So lovely.

Yes, she gave me
this lovely room.

She wanted me to have it. I don't
believe this shit for one minute.

Now, why, Madea?

Cora, that girl ain't
never been nice to nobody.

Selfish, all she think about is herself.
Why'd she give me this big room?

Madea, stop being so
suspicious of everything.

-No. Madea, just enjoy...
-She is up to something!

Will you just enjoy yourself?

-Who you hollering at?
-Excuse me.

You about to get
punched yourself.

-I'm sorry, but...
-Get outta my room.

-Get the hell outta my room.
-Just enjoy yourself.

-Uptight.
-Let me go out on the balcony.

[Cora] Ooh, this
is gorgeous, child.

[Madea] Let me go see
what's on the balcony.

["If You're Looking
for Me" playing]

Ooh, Lord, look at this.

Yes, indeed. I ain't never seen
nothing like this in all my life.

It's just beautiful.
This is lovely.

I mean, this is
just damn lovely.

Welcome to The Bahamas. Hey,
y'all gotta give me a drink.

I love this place. This
is some nice shit here.

♪ It says "Worry don't
live here no more" ♪

♪ Outta reach ♪

♪ That's where I'll be If
you're looking for me... ♪

[Madea] Yes, indeed. I tell you.

This place is so beautiful. People
everywhere just having a good time.

[Cora] This is gorgeous.

I love it up in here.

-[Tiffany] Well, hey, family.
-Look! Look who it is.

Hey, y'all.

-'Sup, though?
-[Bam] Hey! Oh, y'all look so happy.

[Madea] Yes, indeed,
looking so good.

-[Cora] Beautiful couple.
-We are happy.

And you look...

She pulled that damn waist so tight,
she look like them Kardafalins.

-That's where I got it from!
-Who?

I got it from Kim Kardashian.

[Cora] You did?

That's how you got
your waist so snatched?

I may be taking one of them
Bahamian men home with me to the US.

Bam, you can't take
everybody home with you.

She always wants to. Everywhere,
she try to take a man home.

-[Bam] And do. [laughing]
-[Madea] And do.

Yeah, she got on them Shims. Your
Shimmies from Kim Kardafalin.

I guess I hear that.

Um, I'm about to send this
guy off with his friends.

-You got some friends that look like you?
-Bam. Bam.

-What?
-Don't be desperate.

Listen, I gotta keep
my stable tight.

[Cora] Don't worry about her, young man.
Go on and hang out with your friends.

Hey, remember what I told you?

What you got to remember?

She wants me to behave

'cause I'm preparing for
my bachelor party tonight.

Wait a minute. Can I come?

-No.
-[Zavier] This ain't for the ladies.

I know you better invite my dad.

-He ain't going to that.
-Uh-uh.

-He don't like him.
-He don't like you.

He don't like you
in no kind of way.

He say he can't stand
the ground you walk on.

Give him time, y'all.

He wanted to cuss your mama, cuss
you in the womb. He don't like you.

Mabel, that's too much.

And he say your hair is a
mess and it don't smell good.

-What you mean?
-[Madea] Them braids, don't wash 'em.

-Mabel, that's you.
-You just adding.

That's what I'm
saying? I'm sorry.

-I thought I heard Brian say...
-He did not.

Behave.

What did I tell you? You're
the only woman for me.

[Madea] Oh, ain't that cute?

-I better be.
-[Madea] Make me wanna throw up.

You think you want an only short
little round woman for you?

-Bam, stop being so damn hornty.
-I'm only playing.

This my woman right here.

They are so cute together.

[tender music playing]

Don't forget to invite my dad.

-Tiffany, your dad ain't gonna want...
-No. That was part of the deal.

[Zavier] Okay, I'll invite him.

Well, have fun, but
not too much fun.

-I will.
-Yeah.

-All right, now. Have a good time.
-[Bam] Have a good time with your friends.

He need to comb his hair.

Talking about going with friends.
Tiffany, where your friends at?

Well, because this
was so rushed,

my mom decided it would
be better to do something

when we got back home for them.

Your friends ain't here? Your
mama say your friends can't come?

-None of your friends?
-All that money she got?

It's my mom's idea, so it's fine.
I think she knows the best for me.

It's your mama's idea for your
friends not to be here? What?

That don't make no sense.

Madea, don't start.
Don't be messy now.

-I'm not.
-She's not messy.

She's petty, but
she ain't messy.

I been petty! You
better tell her.

That make sense to you?
Baby, why y'all rushing this?

Children want to rush and get
married because they want a wedding.

Save that damn heartache
and have yourself a party.

Have a reception, baby.

Don't rush and do that. You hear
me? Marriage is hard as hell.

Sure you wanna marry this
boy? You rushing this much?

[Tiffany] Yeah, I do.

We're supposed to be going to the pool.
Baby, we'll see you in your dress later.

I'm not going to no pool in this
dress. This is my floral arrangement.

Where's your swimsuit?

You won't fit in at the pool.

I didn't get my Kardashian to squeeze
my waist in. I let Bam borrow mine.

-That's why I don't have my swimsuit.
-I did not borrow your nothing.

[laughs] Good one.

Yeah, I'm so excited to see my
dress. I haven't even seen it yet.

-You ain't seen your own damn dress?
-You ain't seen your own damn dress?

You ain't seen your dress?

-"Damn dress."
-"Damn dress."

I said... Dress!

No, I haven't. My mom
picked it out. But...

-What is this?
-She said that I would love it.

-She said you gonna love it?
-Maybe she will, y'all.

-What am I missing? I'm missing something.
-Yeah.

[Madea] Who wedding
is this, baby?

-Mine.
-[Madea] It seems like it's your mama's.

Stop it. She happy.
You happy, right?

-Yes, I am. I'm so happy. I am happy.
-[Madea] No.

Now stop it. The
girl says she happy.

You always want
somebody to be happy.

This girl pretty, but she
don't look happy to me.

You need to be
happy. Are you happy?

I was when I looked like
her back in the day.

You? Looked like me?

Is she trying to be funny?

-No.
-I know she ain't trying to be funny.

-She about to get punched.
-Wait, my mama was good-looking, now.

[Madea] Baby, if
you keep living...

-We're getting food.
-You still got yours?

I have to keep them lifted up.

I can put these things over
my shoulder, but I have to...

-You don't have to tell everybody.
-That's... Look, somebody's scuba diving.

-Yeah!
-Hey, scuba diver.

Yes, indeed. Look,
the scuba diver.

-[Cora] Yes.
-[Madea] How you doing?

-They're feeding the fish.
-[whimsical music playing]

-Come on.
-We gonna head on to the pool.

-Go on, baby. Go hang out.
-And we'll see your dress later.

Bye, baby.

She ain't happy. She ain't happy at all.
I don't even understand why they'd...

-Come on.
-I don't think she's unhappy.

[Madea] I told her
that if she gonna...

-I don't need no bathing suit, baby.
-You do.

I'll go to the pool
in my birthday suit!

No, you not!

Hey now!

[Bam] Gonna skinny-dip?

-[upbeat funk music playing]
-[girl screaming]

Oh, I don't know
about this, B.J.

Come on, Mr. Brown. What?

Look how steep it
is going down there.

You think they just fall off, and then
you go under the water? And I don't know.

-[quirky music playing]
-Yeah. That's a lot of gravity.

-[Brown] Yeah.
-You wanna go first?

No! I ain't going first.

But why, Mr. Brown?

Look, see? Little girls are
doing it. You can do it too.

No, I can't. You know why?

-[girl screams]
-Why?

'Cause I'm scared 'cause of
that. Did you hear her scream?

They probably won't
ever see her again.

You should get your
daddy to do it with you.

My dad? No. You know
how stuck up he is.

I can't go with my dad. We
can do this, me and you.

-No, we can't.
-Why not? Yes, we can.

'Cause I don't
wanna go. Uh-uh. No.

A man like you isn't afraid
of anything. We can do this.

-I'm afraid of that.
-[man yells]

Every time you hear somebody holler,
that water hit them, they peed.

You get in there, "Whoa!"
And you drank the pee.

That's not... No,
you're not drinking pee.

How many people you think
done peed in that water?

You ride there, like, "Ah!"
and water get in your mouth.

Next thing you know you drank.

We don't drink pee.

You go in there.

-Mr. Brown, fine. It's fine.
-You know she just peed in there.

-She just sat down!
-[girl screams]

-Pee.
-[man] Whoa!

-You hear that? Pee.
-That was excitement.

You'll be fine, trust
me. Look, take the GoPro.

And you can go down.
You just sit down.

-[Brown] Go down to where?
-You just go down the other end.

That's all. You just sit down,
close your eyes, and you'll be fine.

'Cause remember what? God didn't
give us the spirit of fear.

You're gonna go down here.
Cross your legs and arms.

-You'll be fine.
-Cross my legs?

Yep, that's it.

-I don't wanna go! I don't wanna go!
-Wait, Mr. Brown, wait a second.

I'll tell everybody. I
said if y'all gonna come...

-[Brown] I don't wanna go!
-[Madea] What the hell is that?

That sound like Mr. Brown.

-I don't wanna go!
-Pray.

-Wait! Wait!
-Pray.

-Pray, Mr. Brown.
-[screaming]

[lively music playing]

[screams]

[Cora] Oh! Save Mr. Brown!

-He's drowning!
-[Bam] He not drowning.

He ain't damn drowning.
It's three feet of water.

-What the hell?
-[Cora] What?

[Brown] Help me! Help me!

-Oh, no, he's not even drowning.
-[Madea] He ain't drowning. Hell.

-Looked like he was drowning.
-[Madea] Acting a fool.

-[Cora] Mr. Brown?
-[Bam] Look at him.

-[Madea] Get your damn shoe.
-Are you all right?

Cora! My life splashed
before my eyes.

-Oh, Lord Jesus. They almost killed you.
-I almost had a heart a detach.

-Well, it looked like you had fun.
-I did.

You didn't splash hard enough.
I wanted you to splash.

What, you want him to die?

[Bam] Mm...

-[Cora] What?
-[water splashes]

Oh, you...

Cora, you almost
lost your daddy.

-[Cora] I know it.
-You would've been stuck with your mama.

-That was fun, right?
-No, it wasn't fun. I almost died!

Yeah! You almost
killed him again.

-Yes.
-It's only three feet.

Of water. That's
right. He ain't drown.

Yeah, I was gonna tell you. Next
time, just stand up. [chuckles]

-You wanna go again?
-No, I don't! Get Madea to go.

Get me to go where?

-Down the slide.
-You crazy. I'm not gonna do that.

Mabel, you can go down.
They gonna give a prize.

What they gonna give me as a prize? A
trip to heaven? Hell, no! I'm not gonna.

I'll tell you, I ain't been through
a tube that little since I was born.

-I'm not gonna go through another one.
-[Bam] Me either.

I did that one time in Jamaica,

when I was trying to win the love of
a little man with some dreadlocks.

I can't never do that no more.

So are we going again?

Mabel, go on and try.

-I'm not...
-[Brown] Mabel!

Mabel, Mabel!

-[chanting] Mabel, Mabel, Mabel!
-Come on, let's go.

I was just lying. Now
get your ass out my...

-You ain't going up there?
-I knew it.

We need to go find Debrah.

Find out why Tiffany
ain't got no friends here,

no bridesmaids, nothing.

That's where I'm going.

Talking about she got all this money,
she won't even let the girl... No.

-Come on, here.
-Mabel, we can do that later.

-Come on. Let's go.
-Next one, you're gonna cheer.

-Okay, yes. I just need to see the cards.
-[dealer] Yes, yes. Come on.

-Be a winner.
-[Joe] Yep. Yep.

-[dealer] Six.
-[Joe] Yep!

A winner! Wow!

Winner take all. There you go.

-Let it play.
-[dealer] Okay.

All righty. Right now.

[dealer] There's three. Okay.

-Well!
-[dealer] All right.

-I tell you...
-You over here winning?

Uh, no, I'm not.
I'm, uh... losing.

-Yeah.
-Okay.

I got an open tab, though.
Yeah, I got open tab.

I just put everything on my
room. It's all on my room.

Hey, I'm glad I ran into you. Uh,
I need your advice on something.

Yeah, I got your advice.

Don't get married. Don't ever do
it. Never do it. It ain't worth it.

Don't marry nobody ever. Don't
have no kids because they all suck.

Wrap it up. Get
you some condoms.

That's all the advice I got.

Get as many condoms as you
can get and wrap it all up.

So her dad is your son?

Exactly what I'm saying. Exactly.
Don't have no damn children.

Okay, well, we're having
a bachelor party tonight.

-Oh, yeah?
-[Zavier] Yeah.

-Bachelor party?
-[Zavier] Yeah.

-Y'all gonna have some women there?
-Hell, yeah. Lots of them.

I'm there. Ha, ha!

Tiffany wants me to
invite her pops. Should I?

What the hell, boy?

No. You wanna invite the bride's
daddy to the bachelor party?

You don't invite no bride's
daddy to the ho-asis.

-No?
-[Joe] No, hell no.

Them hos'll have him running
up out... He a square anyway.

And he a little on the... side.

He is like that, huh?

-[Joe] Yeah.
-Okay.

-Trust me. Don't invite him.
-Joe!

-Oh, hey there.
-Joe!

You still over here
gambling at this thing?

Oh, you still look
like a seal? [laughs]

You just ignorant.

You just gonna gamble
everything away you got.

B.J., you and Brown need to go get
dressed for this bachelor party.

-It's, uh... It's gonna be lit.
-Yeah, go on.

-Y'all doing a bachelor party?
-Yeah.

-You talking about when people...
-[dealer] Yes!

-They be praying and stuff?
-[dealer] Hold on.

Is there gonna be church music
being played? We can pray?

Let it ride. Yeah,
there gonna be gospel.

They're gonna have all the greats. Shirley
Caesar to, uh... the Clark Sisters.

-[Brown] Really?
-At the bachelor party.

-We gonna be praying... on that ass.
-[Brown] Can we do altar call?

On that ass.

Well, yeah, I'mma come.

And you, B.J.? You can come too.

Well, I don't think I should go, really.
I can just go back on the water slide.

You should go. We gonna play
Pin the Tail on the Donkey.

Pin the T... What? Pin
the Tail on the Donkey?

-Look at that face. He ready to go. Yes.
-[B.J.] Pin the Tail on the Donkey?

[Joe] I know you like
that. Sheltered ass.

All right. Okay.

Yeah, that boy don't know
nothing. Y'all go on, get dressed.

-It's starting now?
-[Joe] Yep.

I got a church suit. I'mma
kill them with this one.

I ain't winning nothing. I ain't
won a dime since I've been here.

I ain't won nothing. [laughs]

Hey, uh, you know we
not having that, right?

Yeah, he'll be all right.
I'll see you up there.

Y'all get ready. I don't
want you to ruin my luck.

I'll see you later.

Hey, let it all ride. Let it all
ride. Every bit of it, let it ride.

What you got? What you got?

Okay. Here we go.

[Joe] Here we go.
Place your bet.

-Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
-[suspenseful music playing]

-[cheering]
-[upbeat music playing]

I won again. I won again.

Oh, I'm killing it.

Yeah, I won again.

I won again. I won
a-motherfucking-gain.

[laughs]

Yeah, I did. All right. I
wanna bet all that on it.

-Then we gonna bill some more to the room.
-[music fades]

Ooh, baby, I like this shoe.
Look at this shoe. Look at that.

It's got a bird on it,
baby. I like this shoe.

-That's nice.
-[Madea] Back in the '70s, baby.

-[Bam] Platforms.
-[Madea] I'll get me these pink ones.

Look at these pink ones. I want
it. Y'all make this in a 22?

Ha! Mabel, if they do,
they call it a ski.

-[Cora] Right.
-Oh, hell.

[Cora and Bam laughing]

-You need to go to a boat store.
-[Cora] A boat s...

Y'all gonna stop with that.

Oh, well. You was blessed
with big feet. That's okay.

-[Madea] This shoe is expensive.
-It is?

I can bill it to my room?
Let me have four of these.

Oh, in pink?

Yes. Four of these in
every color. Thank you.

-That's how you do it when you rich.
-[Bam] They better put a sale on.

When you rich? What?

-Here she is!
-[Madea, Cora and Bam] Ooh!

-Look at you, baby. Looking cute.
-You look beautiful.

-Thank you.
-Only the best for my baby.

That's beautiful. You need to let it
out in the waist a bit, don't you?

No.

You ain't... You pregnant?

-No!
-[quirky music playing]

We trying to understand why the
hell you rushing to get married.

Why is she rushing, Debrah?

I'm not rushing this. I'm
just in love with him.

-Yeah.
-[Madea] In love with him?

-Yeah.
-[Madea] Mm.

Baby, how much you
know about this boy?

Okay, okay, look.

She's made up her mind,
so it is what it is.

[Bam] Oh.

Hey, I'm so proud of you.

Who's she complimenting?

No, I'm sorry. You're proud
of her. That's wonderfur.

[laughs awkwardly] Hey!

You sure you wanna
marry this boy?

Yes. She's never been happier.

I am talking to your daughter.

[Bam splutters]

-I've never been happier.
-[Debrah] Mm.

That's what her mama just said.

-Yeah, that's what her mother said.
-She sounds like a parrot.

Like she Gypsy-Rose.
Doing what her mama says.

Is your name Gypsy-Rose? No,
your name is Tiffany Simmons.

I just wish Dad liked him.

That ain't never
gonna happen, baby.

-Forget that.
-You can forget that.

-He'll never like him. He can't stand him.
-At all.

-Give him time.
-Cora, you're just so hopeful.

Always thinking Jesus is
gonna turn everything around.

Maybe it's gonna turn around.

All that matters is
that she's happy.

-[Madea] Mm.
-That's all.

I don't like her attitude.
She working on my nerves.

Mabel, stop it.

Baby, all that
matters is you happy?

Yeah, and Mom says that this is
the best thing for me at this time.

-Uh-huh. And so, why she say that?
-[Madea] Right.

Why you keep saying what
Mama say? What do you say?

Well, we're not
getting any younger,

and she thinks that it's
the best thing for me.

-Young people don't say that.
-They don't.

They don't say they
getting older at all.

I know what she said,
but what do you think?

[music turns tense]

This is the right thing.

Madea, I wanted you
to have that nice room

because I know how much
Tiffany leans on you

and how much she trusts you, but
you're not making this any easier.

Who the hell she talking to?

-Threat.
-That's what it sounded like to me.

Let me explain something.
I'm not no damn $2 ho.

You can't just go
give me a nice room

and think I'm gonna turn
around and give you everything

like I did back in '68.

And '69, and '74.

And '83.

-And '92. And '99.
-Here we...

-And '21, and '22.
-[Debrah] Here we...

-And '25. That's in the future.
-Okay.

But listen, let me tell you something.
You better be easy on me, baby.

-I'm not your daughter.
-[Cora] Okay, Madea.

I don't care. I would tear these
white folks' shit up in here, baby.

-I would tear this damn store up.
-Calm down, Madea.

You better watch your damn
attitude when you talk to me.

Okay, Madea. That's
not what I meant.

-Apologize to me!
-Okay, Madea.

Say sorry.

I'm sorry.

-That's the... She...
-[lively funk music playing]

Y'all better... [scoffs] Shit.

Y'all better get
outta town... Oh!

-Mabel.
-[Madea] I'm gonna tear all this shit up.

-Don't do that over here.
-Y'all better get her.

Mabel, the police
different over here.

-Yeah, calm yourself.
-Shut up and calm down.

-That's right, I was locked up abroad.
-You are not in your country.

-I was locked up abroad.
-[music fades]

Can we just stop?

-Okay, I love him.
-Yeah.

-And I know what I'm doing.
-Right.

And I'm going to marry him.

Well, that sounds
like a "but," baby.

And, baby, if you got a "but,"
they ain't got no trust.

-She does trust him, ladies.
-[Cora] Okay.

-[ominous music playing]
-I'm gonna ask you one more time, Debrah.

Stop talking for her
and let her talk.

-[Cora] Mm.
-[exhales] Okay, I do trust him.

-I do.
-[Debrah] Mm-hm.

Y'all are stressing me out,
okay? So can we just drop it?

You shouldn't marry a
man you don't trust.

-Ever!
-That's all we're saying.

You ain't gonna trust
none of 'em. Don't do it.

That's true.

If you don't have trust in a marriage,
you don't have nothing. And look at me.

When somebody break that
trust, it's hard to get back.

So if you start the marriage

and ain't got no trust, what
you getting married for?

-[music turns poignant]
-How about we get you out of this dress?

-You get some rest, okay?
-Yes.

-The big day is tomorrow.
-Yeah.

[Debrah laughs]

And we'll see you
guys tomorrow morning.

[Madea] See ya
tomorrow morn-ting too.

-[Bam] Why you gotta say it so...
-She's got such a damn attitude.

But she's come a long way.

I don't care where the hell she come from.
Something ain't right about this at all.

All she gotta do is tell the girl
every damn thing she need to do.

Well, you know, God...

Now, the Lord gonna reveal
whatever needs to be revealed.

-That's true.
-Well, the Lord takes too long sometimes.

You can't tell Him when to come.

Excuse me. Um, can I buy this,
please? Can you put it on my room?

-[Bam] For what?
-[Cora] For what? Can you fit it?

Bam, I have to buy two of 'em.

Buy two, sew it together. Actually,
thr... Give me four and a half of these.

I'll do all the measurements
myself. Thank you.

[upbeat tropical music playing]

Mabel, it's all-you-can-eat.
Just get everything.

That's exactly what I'm
doing. Getting everything.

And he's trying to
eat every damn thing.

Mr. Brown, you gonna be sick.

Ain't nobody gonna
be sick, Cora.

-That's too much food.
-It ain't. Cora, hush.

-How's your room?
-My room is good.

My room, too, good.
I got an ocean view.

-I got an ocean view.
-I can see dolphins and everything.

-I seen one swim up, bam, just like that.
-[Cora] Really?

[Brown] I see all
kinds of animals.

I'm looking at a damn
animal right now.

-Oh. Uncle Joe!
-Joe, you so ignorant.

Stop talking to that fool, get
some food. It looks so good.

I don't want none of this.
I gotta go to another part.

That's too much
food on that plate.

You think you're better than us
'cause you done lost five pounds.

That's it. I'm gaining, and
she's losing. That's all it is.

-You gonna eat all of that?
-You damn right.

If it's free, I'm gonna eat it.

Oh, Lord. That's just too much,
y'all. Y'all going too far.

Can't take y'all nowhere.
Y'all don't know how to act.

I'm getting a bit of meat,

I ate too much sugar and
snacks and drank too much.

-Y'all see the Frigidaires in your room?
-Oh, yeah.

That little refrigerator
with all the alcohol?

I drank and ate everything up in
there, the first time I got here.

Five minutes, it was gone.

I sit in my bed
and ate everything.

Yeah, baby. Them Snickers
and Pringles had me tingling.

All you got to do if it gets empty,
call and say, "Come fill this up again."

They come right up.

-That ain't how it works!
-[both] That is!

That's what I did, they came
right up and refilled it.

I drank and ate it all
again and they filled it up.

Four times since
we've been here.

-Just call?
-[Brown] "Fill it up!"

-That's what I'll do.
-Y'all gotta pay for that.

What are y'all talking about?

Cora, what is you talking about? Put
it on the card the woman gave you.

No, it don't work like that.

Yeah, you do, 'cause it's
all-you-can-eat. It's buffet.

-Come on here. I'm ready to eat.
-Yeah, me too.

[Joe] I need my strength

for when I'm messing around
with these sexy Bahama mamas.

How you doing, baby? You doing
all right? Good to see you.

-She said, "Hey, baby."
-Good to see you, now. [laughs]

-That's like New Orleans.
-[Joe] Hey!

[Cora] Don't forget to get
the banana pudding now.

-[cell phone rings]
-Hey, find anything?

No, nothing at all.

[sighs] Yeah, okay. All right. It's
fine. Yeah, she's gonna marry him.

-[Joe] Pimp coming in.
-Yeah. I know it's costing me a fortune.

The thing that's costing me a
fortune is what I'm looking at now.

[Joe] How you doing?

Yeah, all right. All right, bye.

Oh, every time I sit down, I split
these pants and I fart a little.

-Excuse me. [laughs]
-[Brown] That's what I'm smelling.

-[Joe] Yeah.
-[Cora] That's terrible.

-[laughing]
-Joe, you so ignorant. You ignorant.

-Hey.
-[Brown] Hey.

[Bam] Hey, Bri.

You going to the bachelor party?

-What bachelor party?
-Eh!

[Brian] What?

[Bam] Uh, nothing.

Oh, you didn't know?
[clears throat]

What, he didn't tell you?

-He's having a bachelor party?
-Yeah, he having a bachelor party.

-Why didn't he invite me?
-You can't go! You the daddy.

[Joe and Bam laugh]

What he look like, going
to the bachelor party

and giving his daughter
away to the man?

You can't go.

That's dumb.

He might wanna go.

I don't want her to marry him at
all. I tried to talk her out of it.

She won't listen. What am I
supposed to do? She's grown.

Let children make their own
mistakes. This is what she want.

-Gotta let her make her own mistake.
-That's right.

[Madea] You know what else I
learned? If you got a child

that's with somebody
you don't want 'em with,

the more you against that
person, the closer they become.

That's what I have
learned. That's the truth.

So act like you don't care.

I know It's hard, especially
when you can't stand the person,

but the more you try
to come up against her,

the more they get closer.
You better learn that.

All you gotta do is let her
know you are there for her

so if she ever need to come home,
she can come right to the house.

She always wanna feel like
she has somewhere to go,

rather than you hate him so she
gotta stay there with him. Awful.

Easier said than done.

I understand what you're saying.
With Cora, I've been there.

Let me just tell you what you
do. Get you some champagne.

They got a ton of it there,
have as much as you want.

What champagne is free?
What is she talking about?

Hey, Bam, listen, y'all
need to go to that casino.

I lost a lot of money,
but I'll make it up.

-Wait, what?
-[Joe] Look here.

I would've stayed all night if
I didn't have to come and eat,

and get my strength to go
to this bachelor party.

When you running hos,
you need some strength.

Yeah, just go and
play a little bit.

-I'll take this to my room. Come on, Bam.
-Y'all don't want me to go?

[Bam] No, you stay here.

-[Cora] Jesus!
-Come on.

I don't gamble usually.

Stop that lying. You
gamble every day.

Y'all don't need to be gambling.

[Madea] Y'all got refrigerators
in there to hold all this food?

[Bam] Here I come, Mabel.

[Madea] I'm taking this to
my room. Come on, Bam. Shit.

[R&B music playing
over speakers]

[Brown] That's loud.

-[Joe] Yeah, it's all right, though.
-[Brown] Yeah.

-[Joe] That's how it should be in a club.
-[Brown] I ain't need no club.

I'm just used to church.
That's the Clark Sisters.

I told you, you'll
have some gospel.

I told you, then I'mma preach.
I'm gonna stand right here.

-It's gonna get loud, though. You ready?
-Yeah, I'm ready.

-You know what you need?
-What?

A holy drink.

-What?
-What kind of drink you drinking?

-Give me a soul saving grace.
-What is soul saving grace?

-Ice water.
-Ice water?

Ice water.

-Hey, give him that water you gave me.
-Yeah.

You know, give him
the water you gave me.

You gonna like this water.
Go on, give it to him.

-Yeah, give me that. That's good.
-Yeah. Let's toast.

Yes! Here's a toast
to ice water and love.

Ice water and love. Mm-hm.

Oh, that's sweet.

-Yes.
-I don't want to make my sugar go up.

It won't make your sugar go up.
It'll make everything drop down.

-[Brown] Really?
-Yes.

I like that. That's sweet. Must
be some coconut Bahama water.

Yeah, it's coconut, but it got
a little extra "coco" in it.

Really? Shut up.

Yeah, it's got some
coc... onut in it.

These people must be ready for
church because... You told them?

Everybody standing around
looking. They just ready.

They like to have a good
time. They know you was here.

They know you was here and
they know you like Jesus.

-Everybody say "Amen."
-[all] Amen.

[Brown] That's when
I know it's church.

-You know what else we know you like?
-What?

-The choir.
-Shut up!

-I got an all-female choir.
-Shut up!

Yes, this right here is destiny.

Oh, look at y'all.

-Yes.
-Look how nice y'all looking.

But at midnight, they devilish.

-No!
-[Joe] That's why they in the choir.

-I'mma save all y'all.
-[Joe] That's right.

What's up, people?

[crowd cheering]

Hey, the coast is clear.

DJ, drop that beat!

-["Church Girl" blaring over speakers]
-There you go. Hey, hey, hey.

[screams]

-Wait! What y'all doing?
-[Joe laughing]

[Brown shrieks]

-Y'all get him. Y'all get him.
-[Brown] No!

No! Get away!

[screaming] Get away
from me! No! No! No!

Help! I gotta get outta here!

Help me, Jesus!

♪ I'm warnin' everybody Soon
as I get in this party... ♪

Get these sinners away from me!

Help! Help!

-[laughs] I'm in this bitch right now.
-[Brown screams]

♪ I was born free ♪

♪ I'll drop it like a thottie
Drop it like a thottie ♪

♪ I said now pop it like a
thottie Pop it like a thottie ♪

♪ You bad ♪

♪ Say now drop it like a
thottie Drop it like a thottie ♪

♪ Church girls actin' loose
Bad girls actin' snotty ♪

♪ Let it go, girl ♪

♪ Let it out, girl ♪

♪ Twirl that ass Like you
came up out the South, girl ♪

♪ I said now drop it like a
thottie Drop it like a thottie ♪

♪ Bad girl actin' naughty
Church girl, don't hurt nobody ♪

♪ You could be my
daddy if you want to ♪

[Joe chortles]

♪ You could get it
tatted if you want to ♪

♪ She ain't tryna hurt nobody ♪

♪ Put your lighters in the sky
Fuck it up and get it litty ♪

♪ She gon' shake them thighs And
them pretty tig ol' bitties ♪

-Y'all winning anything?
-Just place the bet.

How y'all doing?

Good to see you.
Hellur, how you doing?

-[indistinct chatter]
-[games chiming]

Bam, you text me?

Mabel, yeah, I did.

Did Joe tell you you can
put everything on this card?

I've been putting every
damn thing on this card.

Mabel, don't you run
that boy's card up.

-What you want, baby?
-[Bam] Be quiet.

-You keep texting me. What is it?
-Hush your mouth and listen.

-What I'm listening to?
-Shh! We can go on and play.

No, I'm not staying. I'm
just tired of you calling me.

Right, and like I told you, even
though we're getting a divorce,

I'm still gonna do what
I said for your kids.

When B.J. goes off to
college, he gets a million.

B.J.? Lean forward.

Your daughter gets a million
when she gets married.

But you have to stop this.

What'd he say?

We never had a prenup.
I'm not giving you a dime.

-It's for your kids.
-I know damn well...

It is in a trust for them to
get a little bit at a time.

-Uh-uh. Wait a minute.
-I love your kids.

-But look, we're done.
-[Bam] Mabel.

[pensive sting plays]

Wait, I know you.

I know you do. Ain't
you Debrah's husband?

-Dennis.
-[Bam] The rich man.

[Madea] Dennis. Uh-huh. Dennis.

-[Bam] The rich one.
-[Madea] That's right.

Did I just hear you say
you getting divorced?

That's right.

And they ain't got no prenup.

You heard that too?
Now wait a minute.

And didn't I just hear you say

that these children get money when
they get married and go to school?

Trying to set them up.

Even though you're getting
divorced. That's really nice of you.

But that's a damn shame.

That's why she pushing
this girl to get married.

Where the hell she at? Come on.

-Come on, we're going to find her.
-I'm about to win this, Mabel!

[tense, pensive music playing]

[woman] I'm supposed to be here.

[Zavier] You're supposed to be here?
No, you're not. Nobody invited you.

[arguing indistinctly]

[music turns poignant]

-No.
-Yes.

No, you're not listening.

[arguing indistinctly]

So I'm a descendant of
Christopher Columbus.

I actually told his
great-great-great-grandfather

how to discover The Bahamas.

-So all of y'all owe me.
-["Salt Shaker" blaring over speakers]

♪ Shawty crunk on
the floor wide open ♪

♪ Skeet so much They
call her Billy Ocean ♪

♪ Roll like an 18-wheeler ♪

♪ That ho fine, but
this ho a killer ♪

♪ She's leaking!
She's soaking wet ♪

♪ She leaking! Soaking wet ♪

♪ Shake it like a salt shaker
Shake it like a salt shaker... ♪

Daddy.

Hey, let me tell you
something, nigga.

Don't nobody call me
daddy but these women.

What is wrong with you?

-Hey, Dad, I... Daddy, listen.
-[Joe] What is it?

You know how hard it
is for somebody my age

to pull some hos this young?

Do you know how much money
I had to win at the cas...

What are you talking about?

Do you know how much money I lost
at the casino? I ain't win nothing.

I need to talk to you.

I saw Zavier on the stairs
talking to another woman.

They were arguing. I think
something's going on.

We need to go talk
to him. Come on.

What's that gotta do with me?

Go find a woman to go to the room
with. You some kind of snitch?

Come on. They're
down there right now.

You know what? Just stay here
in all of this craziness.

I'm just gonna go tell Madea.

Don't do that! What you
gonna tell Madea for?

We'll go down the
back stairs. Come on.

Hold on, boy. The back stairs? All
right, I'll come down the back.

Don't leave. Just keep it warm.

Worship me. Bow
to me. [chuckles]

Excuse me. Let a king through.

Let a king through. Let a king...
Hey, somebody pinching my ass.

Go ahead now. You
gonna get in trouble.

Okay, what do you
want me to say?

I'm coming! Bring me
around the back door.

What the hell you
trying to get me to do?

Let's finish this
conversation in your room.

You see, Daddy? I told
you. They're cheating.

-Cheating?
-Yeah. I know what's happening.

No, no. This is not
what it looks like.

I heard her say, "Let's
go to your room and talk."

-I heard her.
-No. You see what I mean?

No, I know exactly what's
going on. That's fine.

[Joe] Look, son, let me
give you some advice.

You gotta keep your
shit on the low.

You can't have the bride daddy
seeing you banging no ho.

What is wrong with you? You just trying
to have a lot of drama you don't need.

But, ah, shit. I'd bang her too.
Look, I get why you did it, play a.

You shouldn't go in there.

I want to see if he's
keeping his promise.

-What? What's going on?
-[tense music playing]

[Madea] That's right, we
going over. I don't...

-Here we go. Right here.
-What is happening right here?

I didn't wanna tell you
this, baby, but I came here,

walking past, minding
my own business.

I see him and this woman arguing,
talking about going back to the room,

finishing their conversation,
all these other things.

He's having an
affair. I know it.

Hi.

-Did she just say hey to me?
-Mabel... Yeah.

I don't know her like that.
Baby, I don't talk to hos.

Ooh, Mabel. And look at
her. She look older than me.

Bam, come on now. You
be smoking that shit.

You have funny jokes, but that ain't...
Bam, she don't look older than you.

Shut up, Joe, in a red suit.

[Joe] She look prime time,
ready and fine. [laughs]

Dennis? What are you doing here?

Now, go on, tell her.

You ain't gonna tell her?
I'll tell her. Tiffany,

the reason she is pushing
you so hard to get married

is because she getting a divorce
from this man and got no prenup.

He said he'd give you a million dollars
and your brother a million dollars,

when he went to college
and when you got married.

-And me, a million dollars.
-Bam, ain't nobody...

I discovered it.

-He ain't giving nobody...
-But I discovered it.

He ain't giving no
million dollars but me.

And that is the only reason
she pushing you so hard.

Even picked out your dress
and every damn thing.

Got you doing all of
that stuff. That's awful.

Debrah, you ought to
be ashamed of yourself.

I thought you changed.

-[poignant music playing]
-Really, Mama?

-Okay, okay, now hold on. Hold on.
-[scoffs]

Baby, this is about you.

I know I haven't done a lot of
good for you and your brother.

And I didn't want the divorce,
but he changed his mind.

But, I... Baby, this
was about you, I swear.

This doesn't feel
like this is about me.

I know, I'm sorry. I was just
trying to do something good.

Yeah, well, I'm sorry too.

All of you, just leave me
alone. The wedding is off.

-[Debrah] Wait. No, Tiffany.
-Tiffany, wait.

Tiffany. Tiffany!

[Madea] See that, Debrah?

Good job, Debrah.
That's a real good job.

-[Bam] Congratulations.
-Real good job.

Yeah, let her down again. I
guess I'll go find my daughter

and pick up the pieces
like I always have to do.

-That's why I was trying to fix it, Brian.
-It's too late to try to fix it.

I was trying to fix it.

-You can't fix this with money, Madea.
-[Madea] That's a damn lie.

They say money don't buy happiness,
but I sure would like to find out.

Give me a million dollars.

Shit, I'll show you happiness.

I know that's right.

[Madea] Give me a
million dollars, hell.

-[Bam] Doesn't buy happiness.
-[Dennis] It doesn't.

I guess that leaves
everybody but me and you two.

[upbeat funk music playing]

Since we're all here together...

I think the Lord has done this.

And I know y'all like money,

and I have won a lot of money.

If you would like to
have $2.82 per hour

for shaking that ass,

then follow this pimp.

-The pimp is waiting for the hoes.
-At his age?

[knocking on door]

[knocking continues]

What?

I just came to
tell you something.

I thought I could talk
to you man-to-man,

but it's obvious I gotta
talk to you man-to-boy.

Okay? You're pathetic.

I'm just really glad she found
out now before you married her.

At least she'll have
a chance to be happy.

Well, first of all,
I ain't no boy.

And second of all, ain't nobody
gonna make her happier than me.

-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-[tense music playing]

I don't know how a cheater
can make anybody happy.

Get outta my room.

I'm paying for the
room, I get to be here.

Stop it.

Both of you.

Don't you dare.

You gonna have to be mad.

-I'm serious.
-I have something to say to you.

-[Zavier] Kaja.
-I won't be in this drama.

-I'll let y'all talk.
-No, you stay.

This is my son.

[music fades]

-Why are you always ruin...
-[Kaja] Let me finish.

And he loves your
daughter. Look at me.

[poignant music playing]

He loves your daughter so
much he didn't invite me

because he's embarrassed by me.

[scoffs]

You know what? I'm done
with this shit, man.

No, you're not. So when I found
out, I just showed up anyway.

I'm out.

No, you're not going anywhere.

Now, this is a good kid.

Now, I know that I didn't raise him
to be no lawyer like you, Brian.

But my son is a great kid.

And he told me all
about how you judged him

and treated him before you
even got a chance to know him.

[Brian clears throat]

He's never been in any trouble.

Hell, he's always trying
to do the right thing.

I wasn't the kind of mother that
baked cookies or nothing like that.

I mean, he's been in
and out of foster homes,

the whole nine.

I did my best.

But I had issues.

And that's why he bonded
with your daughter,

over my issues and
her mother's issues.

So I'm sorry that he didn't have a
father figure to show him the way.

But he is a good kid.

Now, son, I'm sorry I
ruined this for you.

Yeah, you always do.

You know what? I'm out.

[poignant music continues]

Oh, hey, Tiff.

-Hey, baby.
-Oh, Tiff.

-[Madea] Mm!
-[Bam] Are you all right?

-No.
-[Bam] You're not?

You know she not okay!

Cora, hush. We sitting in the
lobby with pajamas on. Shut up.

I'm just saying, how
could I be so stupid?

My mom has always done things
like this ever since I was a kid.

And Zavier's mom treats
him the exact same way,

does the same things to him.

Lord have mercy.

I just wanna go home.

Your daddy'd be happy to hear that, baby.
'Cause this is costing him a lot of money.

He don't make much money on
that district attorney salary.

-But I love him.
-[Madea] You love him?

Baby, you ain't
stupid for loving.

I don't care if somebody
dog you out, mess.

If you love them from a pure
place, that ain't stupid.

That's love. They'll get theirs.

-You just keep loving. You understand?
-Yeah.

[Madea] Keep getting your heart
broke by people over and over,

don't let nobody change you
or stop you from loving.

Keep getting your heart broke,

soon, you'll run up on a heart
surgeon who know how to fix it.

Just if you keep loving.
Don't give up on it.

[Cora] That's right.

No, but I do really love him.

[Madea] You do.

And my mom was just
forcing it so hard.

-And now, I see why.
-[Madea] That's hard.

-Here come the mama.
-I see her right there.

-I see her.
-Walking slow 'cause she guilty.

I don't wanna see her now.

[Madea] You don't get past
nothing unless you face it.

Sometimes you gotta
open your arms wide

and embrace whatever's
coming at you.

-You understand?
-That's true.

Especially a parent. Sometimes,
you gotta say what's on your mind.

Hear what she got to say.

Tiffany... I meant what I said.

[poignant music playing]

It was about you, baby.

It really was.

And when he offered that,

I just thought to
myself, "Well, finally,

I can do something really
great for my kids."

Debrah, what is wrong with you?
That ain't you doing nothing.

-That's that man doing something for her.
-I know.

But how great would
that have been?

-Baby, I'd take me a million dollars...
-Mabel.

-She know better than that.
-Where is he?

-[Madea] Right.
-[Bam] I could go get it.

-Shh!
-[Cora] What?

-Cora, hush. Hell, we just talking.
-A million? You need it.

That's what I was fighting for.

But if he wants to leave
me, then just let him go.

[Madea] Did.

Because all I care
about is your happiness.

And then you met Zavier.

I knew you guys were gonna
be so great together.

[music turns tender]

But what I did was wrong.

-[Bam] It was.
-[Madea] Was, it was.

And I'm sorry.

[Madea] Should be.

I know I made a
mess of all of this.

-Did.
-Did.

I'm gonna head home
in the morning.

-Should.
-Should.

What? What are y'all doing?

[Madea] You need your
ass whupped, Debrah.

I mean right now.

-Right. Doing that to that girl.
-Lock the door.

Y'all need to quit.

-Hush. Okay, great.
-She guilty. Shut up.

[Cora] You shut up.

But, baby, you have to
know how sorry I am.

Mom, I love you.

But this is just too much.
It's just too much, Mom.

-I know, baby. I know.
-No, Mom, stop. Please, please, stop.

All I needed was
for you to show up.

-[Madea] Mm!
-[Bam] Mm!

[Tiffany] It was
never about the money.

[Bam] That's good.

-That's good right there.
-[Bam] Yes.

I just needed you
to show up for me.

And I promise, baby, if you
give me that other opportunity,

I will learn to do just that.

-I will show up for you.
-Mama, no. This is too much.

First I get cheated on, and
now this? I need some air.

Wait, Tiffany.

I'll see you tomorrow.

I'm sorry.

Debrah, you need
your ass whupped.

[music fades]

[waves susurrating distantly]

[Brian] All right, look.

[poignant, pensive
music playing]

I have protected my
daughter her whole life.

And when I saw you with her,
you represented my biggest fear.

As a prosecutor, I see a lot
of young Black men like you.

So you judge us all the same?

No, I don't.

I give chances.

And from time to
time, I'm surprised

that some of them actually
take those chances,

and do better, and turn
their lives around.

Let me just tell you
this. I'm no fool, man.

I know what it's like to be
young and Black in this world.

I get it. To be judged by your hair,
your appearance, what you look like.

I understand all of that.

And because I understand
all that, I can actually say

that I'm... sorry that
I did that to you.

Yeah, okay.

I mean, you going to take that
attitude, look, I got one too.

To be honest, I still don't want
you to marry my daughter, at all.

Honestly, I think she
could do a lot better.

I could be completely wrong. I
don't think I am, but I could be.

Tell you what.

Help me know that I'm wrong.

I don't owe you nothing.

Oh, no. Oh, no, my friend.
You owe me everything.

-Everything?
-Everything.

I'll tell you, if I'm gonna give
you my daughter's hand in marriage,

you owe me the answers to
every question that I ask you.

That's the only way
you gonna get it.

She's all I got.

What do you wanna know?

That I own a little
window tinting company?

That I used to sling dope?

That I watched my
brother get killed

right in front of me?

So I got outta the game.

I started to rap, but that
shit ain't going nowhere.

Look, I met your daughter,

and she saved me.

[music turns hopeful]

She encourages me. She
keeps me on the right track.

Do you wanna know your son
is helping me get my GED,

and your daughter thinks I can
go to college to get my degree?

Is that what you
wanna know? Huh?

That's the plan.

I never had anybody, okay?

No woman to do that
kind of thing for me.

I love Tiffany with
all of my heart,

and I would never hurt her.

Or let anybody hurt
her, okay? So...

that's who I am.

You mean that?

Yeah, every word.

[tender music playing]

I love you.

I love you too.

-You still wanna marry me?
-Oh, with my whole heart. [laughs]

[Tiffany laughs]

Sir?

"Sir"? I'm "sir" now,
okay. That's better.

Can I have your daughter's
hand in marriage?

[music fades]

Okay.

Okay.

-Come on.
-Thanks, Dad.

[hopeful music playing]

[music fades]

Girl, this place so damn big,
I got to walk everywhere.

Where are you going?

-Say what?
-Where are you going?

I'm going to the wedding.
Somewhere you ain't invited.

-She's getting married?
-Yes.

No thanks to you.

Come on here, here.
Come on. Come on.

I know she wouldn't really
want me to be there.

Girl, just come to the wedding.
You working on my nerves.

I'm ready to punch you in the face
if you don't get your ass on it.

Go on ahead, up into
the wedding. Hell.

Okay, okay, okay.

[enchanting music playing]

She looks beautiful.

Yes. Like she should be on
a wedding cake or something.

[Cora] ♪ Our daily bread ♪

[Joe] I know you ain't crying.

Bitch ass don't be
crying about no wedding.

It's a beautiful thing, Grandpa.

♪ And forgive us... ♪

Cora, hush.

Go on, get married. Go
on, waste your life.

The worst thing you can
do is sign the paper.

We are gathered here
today to join this...

-You look like a proud daddy.
-I am.

But can we just go to the part where
she says "I do," and kiss the bride?

We don't need the other stuff.

What's wrong with you? Shut up.
They're trying to get married.

He say you don't need all that. Go on
and say "kiss the bride." We tired.

You may kiss the bride.

-[enchanting music playing]
-[guests cheering and applauding]

Congratulations!

[Madea] That's
beautiful. Beautiful.

Beautiful. Beautiful.

-Wedding's over. Let's go.
-Let's go home. I wanna get to Atlanta.

Come on, baby. Let's get
packed. Congratulations.

[Bam] They ain't even
finished kissing.

-[Brian] Come on, let's go.
-[Bam] Oh, my goodness.

[music fades]

Here's your bill, sir.

My what?

[tense music playing]

Your bill.

-Wait, this is a...?
-[woman] That's your bill.

-This whole thing is a bill?
-Yes, sir.

[Madea] Ooh, look at that bill.

That's a lot.

-Lord have mercy, the bill.
-That's a book.

[Madea] Like a phone book.

-[Brown] That's a lot.
-[Bam] That's a book.

He ain't going to pay with
that debit card, I bet.

-Who spent $43,000 at the casino?
-[music turns whimsical]

Who spent that damn
money at a casino?

Mabel, that was you
spending money at a casino?

Give me $5,000 in them chips.

[Brian] He's only got 20
bucks anyway. He'll be fine.

And did you spend
$9,000 on porn?

Look, that girl they invited, she
had me watching all that porn.

Yeah. Put it on the card!

Who went on a water
slide 83 times?

-[Brown] I don't wanna go! [screams]
-[B.J.] Wait, Mr. Brown!

-83? You had five of the 83.
-Nah. No, I...

Who ate $14,000 of minibar food?

Brian, I just had a little
bit of stuff out that minibox.

[Joe] Put it on the card!

-[Bam] Another one?
-[Cora] That one look real expensive.

-It don't matter.
-Why?

We put it on our room.

You get a meal, you get
a meal, you get a meal!

I want the whole
case. Christmas gifts.

I need 15 of these.

Can I get some of these glasses?

One more thing,
put it on my room.

-That's awesome.
-[screams] How much for this?

-How much?
-Why are you screaming?

How much for this?

[Joe] Put it on the card!

[Brown] Hold on, man!

[Joe] Put it on the card!

[Cora] Come on, cuz.

-[donkey brays]
-Wait, wait, wait. Okay, whoa.

Cora, what you mean?
You couldn't get on him.

[Brown] We rich!

[Joe] Put it on the card!

I can't believe my dad
really paid for this.

I feel like I wanna
do one of them videos.

-[Joe] Put it on the card...
-[imitating mumble rap]

-Ooh, baby!
-[Joe] Put it on the card!

-Put it on the card!
-[Madea] Y'all check on him.

[Joe] Put it on the
card! Put it on the card!

-[all yelling]
-[whimsical music continues]

Sir.

-[Brown] We need CPR!
-I'll see y'all in the car.

-[Cora] It's "CBR."
-[Brown] Is that a real thing?

I got... Y'all check on
him. Y'all check on him.

-Where you going? You got to help.
-Get up, Brian.

-[Cora] Help your daddy.
-[Bam] Brian, please get up.

[Cora] Wait a minute.

-[Brown] Stomp on him!
-I can see him. He's breathing.

If you kick him in the
nuts, it'll wake him up.

-At least he's breathing.
-I heard that.

Move, I'm going to
kick him in 'em.

-[B.J.] No! No!
-Have y'all called 911?

[music crescendos then fades]

["I'm a Bahamian (That's
What I Like)" playing]

♪ I don't go in water
I just go to profile ♪

♪ With somebody daughter ♪

♪ I like scuba divin' ♪

[scatting]

♪ Hey, yeah ♪

♪ Ah, yeah ♪

♪ You should know
I'm a Bahamian ♪

♪ From The Bahamas It's
the place you vacation ♪

♪ Slam domino every occasion ♪

♪ If I did it over, I
wouldn't change it ♪

♪ 'Cause this is what I like ♪

♪ Like ♪

♪ Oh, that's what I like ♪

♪ Like ♪

♪ Like, yeah ♪

♪ I like Rake 'N Scrape
I like Junkanoo ♪

♪ Oh, I like Goombay Punch
Oh, I like Sky Juice, yeah ♪

♪ I like Jonny Cake,
yeah With my fish stew ♪

♪ But I don't eat hard head bird
Dat don't make good soup, yeah ♪

♪ I like the beach But
I don't go in water ♪

♪ I just go to profile
With somebody daughter ♪

♪ I like to go diving
I ain't talkin' scuba ♪

♪ If anybody ask me
Shaunae tell me do dat ♪

♪ Gal, you should
know I'm a Bahamian ♪

♪ From The Bahamas It's
the place you vacation ♪

♪ Slam domino every occasion ♪

♪ If I did it over, I
wouldn't change it ♪

♪ 'Cause this is what I like ♪

♪ Like ♪

♪ Oh, that's what I like ♪

♪ Like ♪

♪ Nah, I don't eat ♪

-♪ Don't eat conch ♪
-♪ Why? ♪

♪ That just ain't my style ♪

♪ I like peas and rice
Macaroni on the side, oh ♪

♪ I from Nassau ♪

♪ I from Nassau, yeah ♪

♪ I from Nassau ♪

♪ I from Nassau, yeah ♪

[song ends]

[whimsical music playing]

[music fades]

[poignant music playing]

[music fades]

[tender music playing]

[music fades]

[lively funk music playing]

[music fades]