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1
00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:08,986
{\an8}It's awful, just awful.
2
00:01:11,697 --> 00:01:14,365
{\an8}I got these for free and I
put in prescription lenses.
3
00:01:14,366 --> 00:01:15,741
{\an8}Okay, let's go crowd the gate
4
00:01:15,742 --> 00:01:17,327
{\an8}even though we're in group R.
5
00:01:19,788 --> 00:01:22,498
{\an8}♪ On a coconut island ♪
6
00:01:22,499 --> 00:01:26,336
{\an8}♪ I'd like to be a
castaway with you ♪
7
00:01:26,879 --> 00:01:30,548
{\an8}♪ On a coconut island
there wouldn't be so... ♪
8
00:01:30,549 --> 00:01:32,758
{\an8}Man, Bermuda is
beautiful, isn't it?
9
00:01:32,759 --> 00:01:36,387
{\an8}You bet. And now I can cross another
place off my Kokomo bucket list.
10
00:01:36,388 --> 00:01:37,471
{\an8}What's that?
11
00:01:37,472 --> 00:01:39,599
{\an8}Oh, I sorta used
the lyrics to Kokomo
12
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:42,518
{\an8}as my life's itinerary. I
don't have a travel agent.
13
00:01:42,519 --> 00:01:44,604
{\an8}-I just have Kokomo.
-Mmm.
14
00:01:44,605 --> 00:01:47,815
{\an8}I do recall your trips
to Aruba and Montego.
15
00:01:47,816 --> 00:01:49,609
{\an8}Yep, and now Bermuda,
16
00:01:49,610 --> 00:01:51,402
{\an8}uh, I did Benihana...
17
00:01:51,403 --> 00:01:53,279
{\an8}-It's not "Benihana."
-Sure is.
18
00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:54,572
{\an8}It's the cheapest one, honestly.
19
00:01:54,573 --> 00:01:57,450
{\an8}Boy, I can't wait till we
can finally go to Kokomo.
20
00:01:57,451 --> 00:01:58,910
{\an8}Kokomo isn't real, Joe.
21
00:01:58,911 --> 00:02:00,703
{\an8}It's a common misconception.
22
00:02:00,704 --> 00:02:03,748
{\an8}If you go to all the
others, you unlock Kokomo.
23
00:02:03,749 --> 00:02:05,374
{\an8}Only thing about Kokomo, though,
24
00:02:05,375 --> 00:02:07,543
{\an8}is you can check out
any time you like...
25
00:02:07,544 --> 00:02:09,003
{\an8}but you can never leave.
26
00:02:09,004 --> 00:02:10,506
{\an8}That's something else entirely!
27
00:02:18,180 --> 00:02:20,431
Welcome to the
White Lotus Bermuda!
28
00:02:20,432 --> 00:02:22,558
{\an8}Named after the sports
car, not the flower.
29
00:02:22,559 --> 00:02:25,645
{\an8}Wow, Brian, you look so
handsome in that suit!
30
00:02:25,646 --> 00:02:27,021
{\an8}And I can't believe they already
31
00:02:27,022 --> 00:02:28,439
{\an8}promoted you to manager!
32
00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:31,651
{\an8}Honestly, Lois, working here has
been just the change I needed.
33
00:02:31,652 --> 00:02:33,194
{\an8}I made the choice to sober up
34
00:02:33,195 --> 00:02:34,946
{\an8}and start a new clean life.
35
00:02:34,947 --> 00:02:36,656
{\an8}Me and Jeffrey can't believe
36
00:02:36,657 --> 00:02:39,492
{\an8}we's finally in the
Bermuda Guy-Angle,
37
00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:41,536
{\an8}where we hear lots
of handsome men
38
00:02:41,537 --> 00:02:44,372
{\an8}have mysteriously gone
down over the years.
39
00:02:44,373 --> 00:02:46,917
{\an8}This is already a good trip.
40
00:02:47,459 --> 00:02:50,087
{\an8}For a grand a night, that
should really be an iPad.
41
00:02:57,719 --> 00:02:59,595
Wow, look at this room!
42
00:02:59,596 --> 00:03:01,764
And what a beautiful painting!
43
00:03:01,765 --> 00:03:04,225
Ah, yes. By a
talented local artist.
44
00:03:04,226 --> 00:03:06,310
It depicts the legend
of a fat husband
45
00:03:06,311 --> 00:03:07,645
who ignored his wife,
46
00:03:07,646 --> 00:03:08,771
so she beheaded him
47
00:03:08,772 --> 00:03:10,273
and had sex with
his best friend,
48
00:03:10,274 --> 00:03:12,024
who was a regional
airline pilot.
49
00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:13,609
Man, I just don't get art.
50
00:03:13,610 --> 00:03:15,194
{\an8}Yeah, great, can we
just get to my room?
51
00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:17,614
{\an8}I've been holding in
a dump since America.
52
00:03:18,365 --> 00:03:19,991
Look at us, Peter, huh?
53
00:03:19,992 --> 00:03:22,411
Finally on a romantic
vacation together!
54
00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:26,289
Ooh, you know what? Let's
have crazy vacation sex,
55
00:03:26,290 --> 00:03:28,958
right here, right now!
56
00:03:28,959 --> 00:03:30,334
Eh, I dunno, maybe later.
57
00:03:30,335 --> 00:03:33,462
I mean, you know my kryptonite is
drapes that can open by a button.
58
00:03:33,463 --> 00:03:34,630
Pick your poison, Lois.
59
00:03:34,631 --> 00:03:37,175
Just the sheers?
Full blackout? Or...
60
00:03:37,176 --> 00:03:38,551
Uh, I think I broke it.
61
00:03:38,552 --> 00:03:41,012
Forget it. I'll be at the pool.
62
00:03:41,013 --> 00:03:42,221
Okay, I'll meet you down there.
63
00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:45,559
I need 20 minutes for those red
lines from my socks to smooth out.
64
00:03:50,439 --> 00:03:51,981
Oh, Brian, I'm so
glad you're here.
65
00:03:51,982 --> 00:03:53,107
I never do this,
66
00:03:53,108 --> 00:03:54,775
but one of the
bellhops yelled at me
67
00:03:54,776 --> 00:03:56,277
when I was playing
on the baggage cart
68
00:03:56,278 --> 00:03:57,445
and I want him fired.
69
00:03:57,446 --> 00:03:59,030
Stewie, he has three children.
70
00:03:59,031 --> 00:04:01,490
Yeah, again, I never do this...
71
00:04:01,491 --> 00:04:02,658
Why are you dressed like that?
72
00:04:02,659 --> 00:04:05,244
Oh, when I go on vacation,
I like to spice things up
73
00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:08,623
by adopting a travel persona
named "Desmond Voyage."
74
00:04:08,624 --> 00:04:10,374
Oh, and one other teensy thing,
75
00:04:10,375 --> 00:04:13,377
I actually specifically
requested an ocean-view room.
76
00:04:13,378 --> 00:04:14,921
You have an ocean-view room.
77
00:04:14,922 --> 00:04:17,507
Eh, technically, I'm
looking out onto a bay.
78
00:04:17,508 --> 00:04:18,591
It's water.
79
00:04:18,592 --> 00:04:21,260
Yeah, a bay is actually a
curvature in the shoreline
80
00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:22,595
that creates an inlet.
81
00:04:22,596 --> 00:04:24,388
I don't want to have
to look at any land.
82
00:04:25,516 --> 00:04:26,641
Oh, hey, there.
83
00:04:26,642 --> 00:04:28,684
We's just gonna
scooch in next to you,
84
00:04:28,685 --> 00:04:30,269
but sorry if we get loud.
85
00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:31,896
We's just settlin' an argument
86
00:04:31,897 --> 00:04:34,982
about what the deal is
with Hilaria Baldwin.
87
00:04:34,983 --> 00:04:36,150
I'll tell you her deal.
88
00:04:36,151 --> 00:04:39,028
She's a woman from Boston
named Hillary Hayward-Thomas,
89
00:04:39,029 --> 00:04:41,197
who, on her first date
with Alec Baldwin,
90
00:04:41,198 --> 00:04:44,033
probably said "por favor"
to a waiter to seem exotic,
91
00:04:44,034 --> 00:04:46,577
and has been cosplaying
as a Latina ever since.
92
00:04:46,578 --> 00:04:48,496
Mmm, I like you.
93
00:04:48,497 --> 00:04:50,331
What's your name? Unless
you don't wanna say
94
00:04:50,332 --> 00:04:52,625
'cause it's boring and ordinary.
95
00:04:52,626 --> 00:04:54,460
Desmond Voyage.
96
00:04:54,461 --> 00:04:56,254
Ooooh!
97
00:04:56,255 --> 00:04:59,799
Desmond, would you join me, Jeffrey,
and Dennis for dinner tonight?
98
00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:02,552
Well, that depends on the
menu, because I'm gluten-free.
99
00:05:02,553 --> 00:05:04,303
Not medically.
Just for the drama.
100
00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:06,013
Ooooh!
101
00:05:09,601 --> 00:05:12,895
C'mon, Chris. The drinking
age in Bermuda is only 18,
102
00:05:12,896 --> 00:05:14,480
so I wanna buy some rum to pound
103
00:05:14,481 --> 00:05:16,107
so I can get totally blitzed!
104
00:05:16,108 --> 00:05:17,900
It honestly makes me sad
105
00:05:17,901 --> 00:05:20,487
you feel the need to show
off to your own brother.
106
00:05:24,741 --> 00:05:27,994
Oh, my God. I must have this!
107
00:05:27,995 --> 00:05:30,288
What? Some lame
touristy T-shirt?
108
00:05:30,289 --> 00:05:32,164
{\an8}Meg, according to
high-school law,
109
00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:34,458
{\an8}vacation shirts equal status.
110
00:05:34,459 --> 00:05:38,296
{\an8}And Neil Goldman has been
rubbing Señor Frog's Cancun
111
00:05:38,297 --> 00:05:40,548
{\an8}in my face for far too long.
112
00:05:40,549 --> 00:05:42,593
{\an8}Fine, we'll get the
rum and the T-shirt.
113
00:05:44,303 --> 00:05:45,928
That'll be $90.
114
00:05:45,929 --> 00:05:47,138
$90?
115
00:05:47,139 --> 00:05:49,724
-How much for just the shirt?
-$40.
116
00:05:49,725 --> 00:05:51,726
How much for... nothing?
117
00:05:51,727 --> 00:05:52,935
That's $5.
118
00:05:52,936 --> 00:05:56,940
Hotels! What are you gonna
do, take a cab to a pharmacy?
119
00:06:01,069 --> 00:06:03,863
Oh, my God, I can't wait to
see St. David's Lighthouse!
120
00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:05,031
I know!
121
00:06:05,032 --> 00:06:06,866
What're we gonna do at
a stupid lighthouse?
122
00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:08,327
Wake me when it's a roadhouse.
123
00:06:10,287 --> 00:06:11,662
Peter, you're driving!
124
00:06:11,663 --> 00:06:13,081
Sorry.
125
00:06:15,709 --> 00:06:17,627
Holy crap! Did
you guys see that?
126
00:06:17,628 --> 00:06:19,295
"World's Best Cheesecake"!
127
00:06:22,591 --> 00:06:25,676
In Bermuda? Peter, there's
no way that's true.
128
00:06:25,677 --> 00:06:27,428
Yeah, I don't know, Lois.
Who am I gonna listen to?
129
00:06:27,429 --> 00:06:29,764
My wife or a sign on
the side of the highway?
130
00:06:29,765 --> 00:06:33,101
Dammit, Peter, I will not let
you ruin another trip for me!
131
00:06:33,352 --> 00:06:35,645
Come on, Glenn, let's
go see that lighthouse!
132
00:06:35,646 --> 00:06:36,771
Fine. Go.
133
00:06:36,772 --> 00:06:37,856
Taxi!
134
00:06:52,996 --> 00:06:56,750
-Good afternoon, sir. May I interest you...
-Sorry, I'm from the United States,
135
00:06:56,875 --> 00:06:58,793
so I'm scared to talk to
anyone from the island
136
00:06:58,794 --> 00:07:00,254
who doesn't work at the resort.
137
00:07:10,514 --> 00:07:11,889
Front desk, this is Brian.
138
00:07:11,890 --> 00:07:14,350
Yes, I'd like to request a
wake-up call for tomorrow
139
00:07:14,351 --> 00:07:15,726
even though every human on Earth
140
00:07:15,727 --> 00:07:17,603
now has an alarm
clock in their pocket.
141
00:07:17,604 --> 00:07:20,106
Oh, hey, Stewie. Sorry again
about the mix-up with your room,
142
00:07:20,107 --> 00:07:23,067
but I hope you're enjoying the
apology fruit platter I sent up.
143
00:07:23,068 --> 00:07:24,735
Meh, it's mostly honeydew.
144
00:07:24,736 --> 00:07:26,904
And not a berry to be
found on the whole plate.
145
00:07:26,905 --> 00:07:28,364
What do you mean?
There's strawberries.
146
00:07:28,365 --> 00:07:29,907
Mmm, not technically a berry.
147
00:07:29,908 --> 00:07:32,159
It's actually an
aggregate accessory fruit.
148
00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:33,911
It's got the word
"berry" in the name!
149
00:07:33,912 --> 00:07:36,330
Doesn't make it a berry. It's
also got the word "straw,"
150
00:07:36,331 --> 00:07:37,748
but I'm not sipping
my drink through it.
151
00:07:37,749 --> 00:07:40,084
So now I'm sitting
here, staring at a bay
152
00:07:40,085 --> 00:07:42,253
with a plate of
aggregate accessory fruit
153
00:07:42,254 --> 00:07:44,548
and wondering how you plan
to make this up to me!
154
00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:47,466
Oh, hey, Peter.
How's the trip going?
155
00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:51,220
Awesome, Brian. Not only did I manage
to find the world's best cheesecake,
156
00:07:51,221 --> 00:07:53,015
I even brought back
an extra piece.
157
00:07:53,265 --> 00:07:55,016
Hey, I saw Lois and Quagmire
158
00:07:55,017 --> 00:07:56,817
have been posting a ton
of stuff on Instagram.
159
00:07:57,019 --> 00:07:58,478
Seems like they had quite a day.
160
00:08:03,192 --> 00:08:04,901
Does this bother you at all?
161
00:08:04,902 --> 00:08:07,778
No way. I'm doing
vacation exactly right.
162
00:08:07,779 --> 00:08:11,449
Some idiot's takin' my wife to all
the boring places I don't wanna go.
163
00:08:11,450 --> 00:08:15,453
Meanwhile, I'm at the hotel just eatin'
cheesecake and ordering more towels.
164
00:08:15,454 --> 00:08:17,915
Hey, can I get more
towels to room 412?
165
00:08:23,378 --> 00:08:25,463
Hmm, I think I'll
get the salmon.
166
00:08:25,464 --> 00:08:26,715
The salmon, huh?
167
00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:28,549
I think that's a great idea!
168
00:08:28,550 --> 00:08:30,843
Oh, my God, what is that?
169
00:08:30,844 --> 00:08:33,304
It's a Christmas ornament I got
at the lighthouse gift shop.
170
00:08:33,305 --> 00:08:35,431
Ooh, I just love small things
171
00:08:35,432 --> 00:08:37,642
that remind me of
big things I've seen!
172
00:08:37,643 --> 00:08:40,019
Settle down.
173
00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:42,606
Another Oreo cookie
milkshake with vodka in it!
174
00:08:43,690 --> 00:08:45,650
You know, I'm feeling a
little hot in these pants.
175
00:08:45,651 --> 00:08:47,360
I may just go
upstairs real quick
176
00:08:47,361 --> 00:08:48,778
to change into a sarong.
177
00:08:48,779 --> 00:08:51,447
Huh. I feel like I'd also
like to slip into my sarong.
178
00:08:51,448 --> 00:08:52,741
Sarong run?
179
00:08:53,492 --> 00:08:55,910
You okay with them spending
so much time together?
180
00:08:55,911 --> 00:08:58,079
Yeah, no one in the
history of the world
181
00:08:58,080 --> 00:08:59,956
has ever gone on a sarong run.
182
00:08:59,957 --> 00:09:01,165
Relax, it's fine.
183
00:09:01,166 --> 00:09:04,460
And no amount of ominous waves
crashing onto a rocky shore
184
00:09:04,461 --> 00:09:05,920
are gonna change my mind.
185
00:09:12,719 --> 00:09:14,679
Now, Rupert, we mustn't
let our new friends
186
00:09:14,680 --> 00:09:16,764
see that we are
anything but adults,
187
00:09:16,765 --> 00:09:17,890
just like they are.
188
00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:19,767
So, Desmond, what
did you do today?
189
00:09:19,768 --> 00:09:22,144
Oh, I spent most of the
day in the business center,
190
00:09:22,145 --> 00:09:24,230
-as adults do.
-Really?
191
00:09:24,231 --> 00:09:27,233
Yes, they're running an
Epson ET-5180 in there.
192
00:09:27,234 --> 00:09:28,985
Not my preferred
choice, but, you know...
193
00:09:28,986 --> 00:09:31,613
thing jammed and I didn't
even cry. No tantrum.
194
00:09:31,989 --> 00:09:34,115
Just kept on doing my business.
195
00:09:34,116 --> 00:09:36,701
You guys, let's totally
do credit card roulette
196
00:09:36,702 --> 00:09:37,910
to see who pays for dinner.
197
00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:39,161
-Right? Yeah.
-I love it.
198
00:09:39,162 --> 00:09:41,498
Oh, indeed, he...
here's... here's mine.
199
00:09:43,375 --> 00:09:45,251
This is a Peppa Pig bookmark.
200
00:09:45,252 --> 00:09:47,670
No! No, they let you
customize the credit card.
201
00:09:47,671 --> 00:09:49,463
I almost went with
the Montreal Expos.
202
00:09:49,464 --> 00:09:51,048
They're not a team anymore.
203
00:09:51,049 --> 00:09:52,758
Yeah, I'm a big nostalgia guy.
204
00:09:52,759 --> 00:09:53,968
Ah, there you are, Stew...
205
00:09:53,969 --> 00:09:56,137
I mean, um... Mr. Voyage.
206
00:09:56,138 --> 00:09:57,972
With apologies for the
earlier fruit plate,
207
00:09:57,973 --> 00:10:00,308
please accept this
complimentary seafood tower.
208
00:10:00,309 --> 00:10:01,767
Great. Now, could you
bring us another one
209
00:10:01,768 --> 00:10:03,186
that you haven't
talked all over?
210
00:10:03,187 --> 00:10:05,229
And I'd say this is
less a seafood tower
211
00:10:05,230 --> 00:10:07,190
than it is a seafood duplex.
212
00:10:09,109 --> 00:10:12,528
Perhaps you'd prefer a complimentary
bottle of our finest Riesling?
213
00:10:12,529 --> 00:10:14,822
-Oh, that's sweet.
-It's the least we could do.
214
00:10:14,823 --> 00:10:16,449
No, I'm talking
about the Riesling.
215
00:10:16,450 --> 00:10:19,368
I didn't realize this was a
bachelorette party in Nashville.
216
00:10:19,369 --> 00:10:20,953
Just bring back
another seafood tower
217
00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:22,372
and the score of the Expos game.
218
00:10:23,332 --> 00:10:25,333
That was amazing.
219
00:10:25,334 --> 00:10:29,128
Desmond, you absolutely have to
join us on our yacht tomorrow.
220
00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:31,339
"Yacht"? I say,
that sounds lovely!
221
00:10:31,340 --> 00:10:34,717
Yay! We's gonna sail
to and then hike up
222
00:10:34,718 --> 00:10:37,428
a volcano called
The Purple Head.
223
00:10:37,429 --> 00:10:39,430
That's right. We's
gonna start at the base
224
00:10:39,431 --> 00:10:41,182
and then work our
way to the tip.
225
00:10:41,183 --> 00:10:42,642
You've got to be
careful, though,
226
00:10:42,643 --> 00:10:44,644
because The Purple Head's
been known to erupt
227
00:10:44,645 --> 00:10:45,937
when you least expect it.
228
00:10:45,938 --> 00:10:48,773
I even heard it's created
the world's biggest ash-hole.
229
00:10:48,774 --> 00:10:50,192
I'm gonna join this table.
230
00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:52,652
Peter, it seems like
it's been a while
231
00:10:52,653 --> 00:10:54,987
since Quagmire and
Lois went upstairs.
232
00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:56,490
Yeah, fine, I'll
go check on 'em.
233
00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:02,996
Oh, my God!
234
00:11:04,873 --> 00:11:06,458
And I gotta clean it all up!
235
00:11:07,543 --> 00:11:08,918
Yes, this is room 412.
236
00:11:08,919 --> 00:11:10,546
Can I have some
more towels, please?
237
00:11:16,677 --> 00:11:18,511
Meg, look! It's that shirt!
238
00:11:18,512 --> 00:11:21,347
Oh, God, I want it so bad!
239
00:11:21,348 --> 00:11:24,308
Y'know, there is one way
for me to get that rum
240
00:11:24,309 --> 00:11:25,769
and for you to get that T-shirt.
241
00:11:26,144 --> 00:11:27,855
We could always shoplift 'em.
242
00:11:28,105 --> 00:11:30,273
Shoplift? Who do I look like,
243
00:11:30,274 --> 00:11:32,400
celebrity film critic Rex Reed?
244
00:11:32,401 --> 00:11:34,194
Convicted killer Robert Durst?
245
00:11:34,444 --> 00:11:36,946
Journeyman quarterback
Jameis Winston?
246
00:11:36,947 --> 00:11:39,949
Okay, I'm not exactly
sure what this is, but...
247
00:11:39,950 --> 00:11:41,034
yeah.
248
00:11:44,329 --> 00:11:47,999
-Hm, okay, I'm not sure how we...
-Relax, I got this.
249
00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:50,168
Go into a changing room, put
the rum in your backpack.
250
00:11:50,169 --> 00:11:52,003
Meanwhile, I'll go in
another changing room,
251
00:11:52,004 --> 00:11:55,339
put the shirt on, then casually
walk out like I came in wearing it.
252
00:11:55,340 --> 00:11:56,967
Okay. Got it.
253
00:12:01,722 --> 00:12:02,722
What are you doing?
254
00:12:02,723 --> 00:12:05,184
Run! Run! I messed up!
255
00:12:07,895 --> 00:12:09,604
Desmond! You made it!
256
00:12:09,605 --> 00:12:10,771
Yes, I'm sorry I'm late!
257
00:12:10,772 --> 00:12:13,191
I was in the business
center helping Mr. Takahashi
258
00:12:13,192 --> 00:12:14,775
log into his United account.
259
00:12:14,776 --> 00:12:16,611
Do you know he's 75?
260
00:12:16,612 --> 00:12:18,905
I have no idea who
you're talking about.
261
00:12:18,906 --> 00:12:21,909
All right, now could someone please
help me onto the boat like a woman?
262
00:12:22,326 --> 00:12:25,329
Yes, there you are, just guide
me by my wrist and elbow.
263
00:12:25,454 --> 00:12:28,207
So, heading up
the volcano again?
264
00:12:28,332 --> 00:12:31,209
Yep. And just like every
year, when we reach the top,
265
00:12:31,210 --> 00:12:34,212
we're all going to
make a sacrifice.
266
00:12:34,213 --> 00:12:35,963
"Sacrifice"?
267
00:12:35,964 --> 00:12:37,965
Well, no wonder they've
been so nice to me, Rupert.
268
00:12:37,966 --> 00:12:40,468
They're going to make a
sacrifice to the volcano.
269
00:12:40,469 --> 00:12:42,596
And I'm the only
virgin on this boat!
270
00:12:43,096 --> 00:12:45,097
No, no, no, I don't care
if you've found Jesus.
271
00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:46,808
What happened
before still counts.
272
00:12:53,982 --> 00:12:56,108
Caught shoplifting
booze and a T-shirt?
273
00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:57,229
What were you guys thinking?
274
00:12:57,361 --> 00:12:58,694
I'm sorry, Brian.
275
00:12:58,695 --> 00:13:01,656
I was just trying to keep
up with Neil Goldman.
276
00:13:01,657 --> 00:13:04,158
Oh, yeah, that Señor
Frog's Cancun shirt?
277
00:13:04,159 --> 00:13:05,660
Oh, yeah, no, that
thing's badass.
278
00:13:05,661 --> 00:13:08,162
But, Meg, it says here
you not only stole rum,
279
00:13:08,163 --> 00:13:11,917
but also two tiny novelty license
plates that say "Mel" and "Greg"?
280
00:13:12,251 --> 00:13:15,461
I was gonna cut 'em in half and
solder 'em together to spell "Meg."
281
00:13:15,462 --> 00:13:18,464
There's no way people are
still naming their kids "Mel."
282
00:13:18,465 --> 00:13:20,842
Like, name one "Mel" under 50.
283
00:13:20,843 --> 00:13:22,051
I think we're getting off track.
284
00:13:22,052 --> 00:13:24,971
I'm just saying, you can
stop printing the "Mel" s.
285
00:13:24,972 --> 00:13:26,222
-We don't print them.
-Okay,
286
00:13:26,223 --> 00:13:28,684
then you can stop
ordering the "Mel" s.
287
00:13:34,773 --> 00:13:37,860
Hey, Lois... open wide.
288
00:13:39,570 --> 00:13:42,196
Glenn, I want you
to take my cherry.
289
00:13:42,197 --> 00:13:44,115
Yeah, I'll take your cherry.
290
00:13:44,116 --> 00:13:45,283
You want my crust?
291
00:13:45,284 --> 00:13:46,576
Eww... no.
292
00:13:46,577 --> 00:13:47,994
No, I mean, I like crust,
293
00:13:47,995 --> 00:13:50,122
but don't... ugh,
don't say it like that.
294
00:13:59,506 --> 00:14:00,591
This is Brian.
295
00:14:00,716 --> 00:14:02,216
Brian, this is a
resort executive
296
00:14:02,217 --> 00:14:04,303
in a heavily-embroidered
open-collar shirt.
297
00:14:04,595 --> 00:14:07,346
We've gotten several complaints
from a very important guest,
298
00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:08,556
Desmond Voyage,
299
00:14:08,557 --> 00:14:11,350
including the fact that,
"The in-room movie selections
300
00:14:11,351 --> 00:14:13,227
don't include Michael Clayton,
301
00:14:13,228 --> 00:14:17,191
despite there clearly being a still
image of it on the home screen."
302
00:14:17,482 --> 00:14:18,482
Frickin' Stewie...
303
00:14:18,483 --> 00:14:21,444
He says, for him, "Falling
asleep to George Clooney
304
00:14:21,445 --> 00:14:23,779
shouting about
toxic agrochemicals
305
00:14:23,780 --> 00:14:25,990
scratches a very specific itch."
306
00:14:25,991 --> 00:14:27,409
Yep, I'll handle it. Thanks.
307
00:14:38,795 --> 00:14:40,630
Ah, I've missed you, Captain.
308
00:14:40,631 --> 00:14:42,924
And I've missed you, Brett.
309
00:14:42,925 --> 00:14:44,551
It's... it's Brian.
310
00:14:44,760 --> 00:14:48,931
Oh, sorry, I... I guess I'm always
super-wasted when we hang out.
311
00:14:55,020 --> 00:14:57,439
Hey, so, this seems
far enough, right?
312
00:14:57,898 --> 00:14:59,732
Like, I bet if we
turn around now,
313
00:14:59,733 --> 00:15:03,319
we can still get back in time to
make fun of the cabana waitress
314
00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:05,738
with the lopsided boob job, heh?
315
00:15:05,739 --> 00:15:07,490
Dammit, Rupert, we're
running out of time...
316
00:15:07,491 --> 00:15:09,867
I've got a signal!
I've got to call Brian!
317
00:15:10,953 --> 00:15:12,662
-Hello.
-Brian, help!
318
00:15:12,663 --> 00:15:14,455
I'm hiking to the
top of a volcano
319
00:15:14,456 --> 00:15:16,999
where I'm going to be thrown
to my death as a sacrifice!
320
00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:18,209
Screw you, Stewie.
321
00:15:18,210 --> 00:15:20,629
You've turned my job
into a total nightmare.
322
00:15:20,796 --> 00:15:24,507
Hey, you... you think a novel set
inside a mushroom would be a good idea?
323
00:15:24,508 --> 00:15:26,759
Except... except you
wouldn't know it's a mushroom
324
00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:28,135
until the very last page.
325
00:15:28,136 --> 00:15:29,220
I'd call it...
326
00:15:29,221 --> 00:15:30,972
"Mushroom Surprise."
327
00:15:30,973 --> 00:15:32,223
Well, that kind
of gives it away.
328
00:15:32,224 --> 00:15:33,724
No, no, 'cause in the story,
329
00:15:33,725 --> 00:15:35,351
that... that's the
guy's favorite soup,
330
00:15:35,352 --> 00:15:37,311
so, like, that's what
you'd think it means.
331
00:15:37,312 --> 00:15:39,105
Honestly, I don't get
the whole soup angle.
332
00:15:39,106 --> 00:15:40,606
It seems needlessly confusing.
333
00:15:40,607 --> 00:15:41,691
You don't know!
334
00:15:41,692 --> 00:15:43,317
You always think
you're better than me.
335
00:15:43,318 --> 00:15:44,402
Well, you're not.
336
00:15:44,403 --> 00:15:47,280
In fact, I've met a ton of
celebrities at this job.
337
00:15:47,281 --> 00:15:49,949
-Name one.
-Um... Brad?
338
00:15:49,950 --> 00:15:52,786
Brad somebody? He was in, um...
339
00:15:53,537 --> 00:15:55,580
Go to hell, Stewie!
I'm not helping you!
340
00:15:55,581 --> 00:15:57,415
Brian, please! Don't hang up!
341
00:15:57,416 --> 00:15:58,958
Oh, Rupert, I'm so scared!
342
00:15:58,959 --> 00:16:01,294
This may finally be
the end for me...
343
00:16:01,295 --> 00:16:02,628
Hello? Brian?
344
00:16:02,629 --> 00:16:04,338
I remembered which Brad it was.
345
00:16:04,339 --> 00:16:06,049
It was Toby Huss.
346
00:16:15,225 --> 00:16:17,310
So... is there somethin'
you wanna tell me?
347
00:16:17,311 --> 00:16:21,355
Oh, nothing, just swam with a
dolphin this morning, no biggie.
348
00:16:21,356 --> 00:16:24,193
-Not you!
-It actually was me. Check Facebook.
349
00:16:24,401 --> 00:16:27,361
Peter, uh, Lois and I don't
know what you're talking about.
350
00:16:27,362 --> 00:16:30,114
I know you've been eatin' cheesecake
with my wife behind my back!
351
00:16:30,115 --> 00:16:32,117
You left a used
napkin in the couch!
352
00:16:32,618 --> 00:16:35,913
Okay fine, Peter, it
just... it looked too good!
353
00:16:36,580 --> 00:16:39,332
Quagmire and I each had
one bite, but that's it!
354
00:16:39,333 --> 00:16:41,751
It's true! After that,
we both felt so guilty,
355
00:16:41,752 --> 00:16:44,213
we threw the rest of it off
the balcony and into the ocean.
356
00:16:44,463 --> 00:16:48,549
Wow, this is, like, the
world's best cheesecake!
357
00:16:48,550 --> 00:16:50,552
Yeah. I saw the sign.
358
00:16:50,761 --> 00:16:52,970
I'm sorry we lied to you, Peter.
359
00:16:52,971 --> 00:16:56,015
But, look, I think there's
a part of me that was angry
360
00:16:56,016 --> 00:16:58,309
you seemed to care more about
a dumb piece of cheesecake
361
00:16:58,310 --> 00:17:00,854
than being on a romantic
vacation with your wife.
362
00:17:01,230 --> 00:17:03,731
It's my fault, too, Lois.
363
00:17:03,732 --> 00:17:06,067
I'm sorry I've been kinda
neglecting you this trip.
364
00:17:06,068 --> 00:17:07,527
Hey, I know.
365
00:17:07,528 --> 00:17:10,071
How 'bout we flush the whole
afternoon down the tubes
366
00:17:10,072 --> 00:17:13,115
by wandering through a bunch
a boring overpriced boutiques?
367
00:17:13,116 --> 00:17:15,369
Oh, that's all any woman wants!
368
00:17:15,702 --> 00:17:17,162
I love you, Peter.
369
00:17:25,254 --> 00:17:27,797
Okay, Desmond, the
moment has arrived.
370
00:17:27,798 --> 00:17:30,801
Time to step up to the
lip of the volcano.
371
00:17:38,308 --> 00:17:39,309
This is it, Rupert.
372
00:17:39,518 --> 00:17:41,018
If Lizzo ever writes back,
373
00:17:41,019 --> 00:17:42,396
I want you to have the letter!
374
00:17:42,688 --> 00:17:44,105
Put it in a frame I would like.
375
00:17:44,106 --> 00:17:46,817
Talk to Curt at Aaron
Brothers. He's fantastic!
376
00:17:59,746 --> 00:18:02,124
-Yay! We did it!
-Did what?
377
00:18:02,332 --> 00:18:05,084
I... I thought Dennis said you
were all going to make a sacrifice.
378
00:18:05,085 --> 00:18:06,210
That's right.
379
00:18:06,211 --> 00:18:08,838
The sacrifice is that
we's postin' a pic
380
00:18:08,839 --> 00:18:11,884
with no filter and no Photoshop.
381
00:18:12,092 --> 00:18:14,303
And... posted!
382
00:18:14,678 --> 00:18:16,012
Ooh,
383
00:18:16,013 --> 00:18:17,097
first comment!
384
00:18:17,347 --> 00:18:20,809
"So brave to post such a
terrible photo of yourselves."
385
00:18:20,934 --> 00:18:22,853
Aaa! Aaa! Delete!
Delete! Delete!
386
00:18:33,822 --> 00:18:35,114
Fine, Stewie,
387
00:18:35,115 --> 00:18:37,117
maybe we don't have
Michael Clayton.
388
00:18:37,242 --> 00:18:39,411
But we got that Matt
Damon fracking movie.
389
00:18:39,745 --> 00:18:41,205
Basically the same thing.
390
00:18:41,330 --> 00:18:43,050
What's that... what's
it called? I wanna...
391
00:18:43,290 --> 00:18:44,625
I wanna say Frack Damon.
392
00:18:44,750 --> 00:18:46,918
And... and, oh, not enough
berries on your plate?
393
00:18:46,919 --> 00:18:48,753
I... I got some berries for you,
394
00:18:48,754 --> 00:18:50,672
of the dingle variety...
395
00:19:16,031 --> 00:19:17,157
Housekeeping.
396
00:19:18,492 --> 00:19:20,911
No, no, no.
397
00:19:24,831 --> 00:19:29,252
You know, posting that photo wasn't
the only sacrifice we made today.
398
00:19:29,253 --> 00:19:30,546
-Really?
-Yep.
399
00:19:30,754 --> 00:19:33,423
You won't find a single
carb on this boat.
400
00:19:33,757 --> 00:19:35,759
Um... flatbread is a carb.
401
00:19:35,968 --> 00:19:37,302
Oh, my God, he's right!
402
00:19:37,427 --> 00:19:39,595
Why did we think that?
Just 'cause it's flat?
403
00:19:39,596 --> 00:19:41,473
I must a had two boxes!
404
00:19:42,224 --> 00:19:44,476
My hat that no one likes!
405
00:19:51,483 --> 00:19:53,359
Oh, no!
406
00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:54,987
I know!
407
00:20:19,803 --> 00:20:21,053
So sad.
408
00:20:21,054 --> 00:20:23,389
The lifeguard said the sharks
were lured to the resort
409
00:20:23,390 --> 00:20:25,434
because someone threw
cheesecake in the water.
410
00:20:25,559 --> 00:20:28,187
Oh, um, is that right?
411
00:20:29,313 --> 00:20:32,065
I don't know if I's
ever gonna recover.
412
00:20:32,232 --> 00:20:33,608
I could come back with you.
413
00:20:33,609 --> 00:20:35,944
Oh, let the healing begin!
414
00:20:36,987 --> 00:20:38,362
Oh, hey. Where have you been?
415
00:20:38,363 --> 00:20:39,572
At the duty-free shop,
416
00:20:39,573 --> 00:20:41,032
buying six cartons
of cigarettes,
417
00:20:41,033 --> 00:20:44,036
a jug of Dior perfume, and
a tin of wafer cookies.
418
00:20:44,161 --> 00:20:45,495
Oh. Did you get a good deal?
419
00:20:45,621 --> 00:20:46,663
I have no idea.
420
00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:48,915
And what about you? You're
coming home with us?
421
00:20:48,916 --> 00:20:50,166
Yeah. I actually got fired
422
00:20:50,167 --> 00:20:52,877
for dragging my ass on every
inch of a guest's hotel room.
423
00:20:52,878 --> 00:20:55,214
Aw, epic! Even their pillow?
424
00:20:55,339 --> 00:20:57,007
-Yep.
-Nice!
425
00:20:57,341 --> 00:21:00,176
Maybe next year we'll go to
the White Lotus in Thailand.
426
00:21:00,177 --> 00:21:01,803
Eh, I hear it's not as good.
30813
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