All language subtitles for Are You Being Served s05e06 Goodbye Mr. Grainger

There you are, madam. I do hope the
garment gives every satisfaction.

And you really think that this type of
corset will keep my figure under

Will the stiffness of the best quality
whalebone... Yes, but will they be

enough? Well, they're strong enough for
the whale.

You and Mrs. Axe, we was at the Palais
des Dames. Oh, yes.

Well, I'd said, oh, don't let's bother
dressing up. So we just wore our

diamantic cocktail frocks. You know, the
short ones, because we've both got very

good legs.

Well, I did. They do wonders for your
ankles.

But Mrs Axelby wore her open -toed
sandals because her bunion was playing

again.

Is she still playing football, is she?

Oh, no. She gave that up when they put
her in goal.

Anyway, when we got inside, there were
the funniest -looking lot of fellas you

have ever seen in your life.

So after we'd looked them over for about
an hour, I said, well, I don't care if

anybody does ask me to dance, I'm not
going to.

Oh, I don't blame you. So for the rest
of the evening, we danced with each

other. Who led?

Oh, we took it in turns, the top people
talking.

Anyway, at midnight, they played a Paul
Jones.

Well, Mrs Axelby knows the band leader,
you see, and she tipped him the wink.

And would you believe it?

Every time the music stopped, Kelsu
prays. We was opposite each other.

Oh, we did laugh.

Are you being served, madam?

No, answer.

Don't worry if the night shirt is too
long. They do ride up with wear.

You've just seen John Curry on the
television and decided to take up ice

skating. Oh, yes. So I took six lessons
with this marvellous instructor.

They're ever so good now, you know.

They keep their arm round you and they
hang on to you and they don't let you go

until they're absolutely sure that
you're developing on the right line.

Did you think you showed promise?

What makes you think it's a he?

Anyway, she said some people are born
with it and some people aren't.

Yeah. What did she say about you?

She said I was definitely born with it.

On the other hand, she did say I'd left
it a bit late to give it a try.

Have you gone solo yet? Yes, for the
last time.

Why? What happened? Well, I got carried
away with the music, didn't I? There I

was, happily skating to the strains as I
did it my way, when the next thing I

knew I was unable to negotiate a turn.

I found myself running backwards at 50
miles an hour across the coconut matting

straight into the gentleman's changing
room.

Do you work yourself?

Nothing that nature couldn't mend.

I've made a lot of new friends, sir.

Mr. Huntress, Mr. Lucas, you've done
nothing but gossip all morning.

I didn't pay attention to customers.

I'm sorry, Mr. Granger.

Are you being... That's my customer. I
saw him first.

Are you being certain?

That's from next Monday. It's bra week,
and he's got to lose the centre stand to

Mrs Slocum's underwear.

He'll be put down, you know. He's like a
little old tin Hitler.

Still, as my mother always said, you
know, life is like a game of chess.

At the end of the day, the black pawn
and the white queen both go in the same

box. That's something to look forward
to.

Put the tights in here as well. And
don't worry if the gusset hangs a little

low. You'll find it will ride up with
wear.

Yet another sale, Mrs. Lohan?

Yes, Miss Bronze and I do seem to have
the golden touch this week.

I wish I could say the same for Mr.
Granger.

He insists on taking every sale for
himself and more often than not fails to

complete it. Is that why he's been so
bad -tempered?

That. Plus the fact of your having your
special undie drive next week. Has he

heard about us getting the centre stand?

He has indeed.

And he has appealed over my head to Mr
Rumble.

Fancy. The cheek of it.

Don't worry, Mrs Slocum. Mr Rumble would
not lightly overturn my ruling on the

matter. What does it feel like to have
such power?

Frightened.

Oh, shall I change the central display
unit over now, Captain Peacock? Not yet,

Mr Harmon.

Do you know how to set up the display
unit, Captain Peacock? Mighty well.

Because in five minutes' time, you're
going to have to do it.

Because I've got tickets for Queen's
Park Rangers.

I have to await the final decision of Mr
Rumble.

Oh, that reminds me. Give me this.

And the winner is...

Come

with me, Mrs. Leckham. Can I come too?

What do you think, Captain Peacock?

In this case, it would be more tactful
if the meeting was confined to the

sales staff.

I'm sorry, Miss Browns, not this time.

Where is Mr.

Granger? He's looking for a 32 -34
herringbone for a customer.

Well, where's the customer? He left five
minutes ago.

I think we'll find these a snug fit,
sir.

Where's he gone?

The complaints department.

People nowadays have no patience.

Are you free, Mr. Grangerone? No.

I've got to take these fiddling trousers
back to the fiddling room.

I'm not the junior. Mr. Lucas is the
junior.

You're my junior, so you can damn well
take them.

In that case, I shall pass them off to
my junior.

As far as I'm concerned, you can throw
them out of the window.

Oh, temper, temper.

Mr. Lucas, take these.

Don't take it out on me. And don't you
answer me back or you'll get my dander

up.

Would you come over here, Mr. Granger?

Yes, Captain Peacock, what is it?

You saw fit to appeal against my ruling
regarding the centre stand.

I have here Mr Rumble's final decision
on the matter.

Which is?

Appeal disallowed.

And then apparently he tore up my memo,
threw it on the floor and jumped on it.

And then?

Deal with it yourself, Mr. Rumbold.

Jumping on pieces of paper doesn't sound
very serious to me. You can't sack a

man for that.

Old men all get a bit short -tempered at
times.

I'm very busy. Go and boil your heads.

Peacock, you'd better all come in here,
except for Mr. Granger. But don't let

him leave the store, hmm?

Mrs. Slocum, Miss Brahms, Mr. Rumbold
would like a word with us in his office.

It's about... Mr.

Lucas, Mr. Humphreys. Yes, Captain
Peacock. Mr. Rumbold would like a word

us in his office.

Is it about... Is it about...

Not you.

Not me, Captain Peacock.

Not you, Mr Granger.

Why not?

Because he does not wish to see you.

He may, however, wish to see you later,
so you will not leave the store.

I shall leave the store if I want to.

But I don't want to.

Well, none of this comes as a surprise
to me.

Mr Granger is, after all, of advanced
years.

And men do go off quicker than women.

Impossible to live with.

He's been ever so crappy.

I don't want to say anything against
him, but I think he's going soft in the

head.

He should have retired some time ago.

I mean, he went completely to pieces in
the sale last week.

And it's his eyesight as well. He got
his tape measure upside down the other

day, measured a little boy scout for a
pair of trousers and gave him a 38 -inch

side leg.

Then he buttoned the waist over the
little lad's head and said they'd ride

with work.

And what about the tilt? You know, his
hands shake so much it's like roulette.

Only this afternoon he rang up no sales,
£74. Now, what are accounts going to

make of that?

Well, his earring's going as well.

The other day, somebody asked for the
gent's cloak, and he tried to sell them

top hat and cane to go with it.

What are we going to do about it?

Well, I suppose, sir, we could do what
they do with faithful old horses who

could no longer pull their heavy load
along life's highway.

You mean put them out to grass?

No, send them to the knacker's yard.

I think the general consensus of opinion
is that he should go.

Yes, but...

How are we going to replace him?

Mr Humphreys, have you got the
confidence to step into his shoes?

Oh, I have the confidence.

And he has the experience too, haven't
you, Mr Humphreys? Doesn't he show in my

face?

Could Mr Lucas fill the gap left by Mr
Humphreys?

I don't think he's ready for that yet.

He needs somebody with a lot of
experience to take over the middle

Oh, I agree.

What are you talking about?

Alexander the Great was only my age when
he died and he was practically ruling

the world.

Yes, but could he take an inside leg?

Well, he'll never go of his own free
will.

And there's no reasoning with him. I
mean, look at the way he tore up your

Mr. Slocum's right.

What a pitiful sight it's going to be,
isn't it?

Mr. Rumbold forcing him into the lift,
pressing the down button.

The doors closed him for the last time
on that tear -stained, wrinkled old

that it disappears forever into the
bargain basement.

Don't let him have my tape measure.

Let me say farewell to my trousers.

Mr Lucas, please.

Quite right, Captain Peacock. He's not
ready for promotion yet.

Will you tell Mr Granger, sir?

No. No, these forced retirements are
very tricky things. It would be better

coming from young Mr Grace himself.

I think Mr Rumble's right.

Oh, thank you, Mr Lucas.

Well, it's very difficult to tell
somebody in their 70s they're too old.

It softens a blow if it comes from
somebody in their 80s.

Are they still in there? Yeah, I did
what you asked me to do. I stood outside

the door and listened.

So do you hear the good news or the bad
news?

The good news.

Well, the good news is that I could hear
every word they said.

Every word they said.

They want to give you the bullet.

Do they?

Were they all against me? Oh, no, no.
They all wanted to give you the sack

except Mr. Lucas.

Dear boy.

Yeah, he wanted to send you to the
knackers, you know.

Very crotchety lately, you know.

That he was what with the sales and Mrs.

Granger hasn't been well.

You know, she was terribly upset when
Mrs.

Dale's diary stopped.

That went off the air 20 years ago.

Yes, but she does miss it.

Of course, that's no excuse for me
behaving the way I did.

If I was you, I'd choose the honourable
way out.

What do you mean, suicide?

It's a sign.

Listen, get in first before they give
you your cards. Go on.

Yes, you're probably right.

Yeah, well, I'll be off then.

You'll be all right, won't you?

Yes, I shall be long.

You'll keep in touch with us all?

Oh, yes, I will.

And thank you very much, Mr. Holland.
You've been very kind to me.

Dear Mr.

Grace, I, Ernest Granger,

being of sound mind...

Having given the best years of my life
to your store,

regretfully... Oh, well, here we go
again. Another

week of magic at Grace Brothers.

Just get these covers off, Alexander the
Great.

Have you stepped into Mr Granger's shoes
already?

He's obviously not coming in.

I mean, when anybody leaves a rolled -up
tape measure and a letter addressed to

Mr Grace, it can only mean one thing.

He's resigned.

After the night of the long knives.

We were only doing our duty. When
questioned, I answered nothing but the

as my mother always taught me to do.
Well, he brought it all on himself.

He was thoroughly obstropulous to me
last week.

You can't help feeling sorry for him,
can you?

Well, there's no need to.

He's made his own bed. He must lie in
it. Yeah, next to Mrs Granger.

Whilst he's lying there, he can explain
to her that they'll probably spend the

rest of their lives in bed together.

On account of the fact he can't afford
the central eating on his old age

pension.

You was the one who wanted him
knackered.

I don't think we need to reproach
ourselves.

After all, the decisions are not in our
hands.

We do not employ Mr. Granger. We do not
sack Mr. Granger. Mr. Grace does.

Yeah, but he'll still blame us, won't
he?

Of course he will. He'll come in here
and he'll take it out on all of us for

next two weeks while he's working out
his notice.

Are we going to buy him a farewell?

present. Not unless he apologises.

I don't think there's much chance of
that. I understand that Mr Harmon

our discussion to him word for word.

He didn't. How could he do a thing like
that behind our backs?

Deceit, thy name is man.

That's a lift. That could be him. What
shall we do?

Nothing. He started it. It's up to him
to make the first move.

Good morning, everybody.

I really must apologise for being late.

I will take note of your apology, Mr
Granger.

May I have a word with you, Mrs
Strokeham?

Don't start. Don't you start!

Miss Brown, Scaffy and me, Captain
Peacock, I want you to listen to every

that's said.

Oh, well, in that case, I suppose I'd
better say it to everybody.

I'm very sorry that I was...

So rude and unpleasant to you all. It
was very wrong of me indeed.

Will you forgive me, Mrs. Slocum?

Of course.

Miss Brown.

Mr. Lucas.

Mr. Humphreys. My dear colleagues.

Stephen, what can I say?

Oh, it's too much. I'm all over it.

just going to take off my coat.

Well, I'll go to the foot of our stairs.

What was all that about?

Oh, I feel awful.

Our colleague has just uttered the most
difficult phrase in the English

language. I'm sorry.

Well, it was his fault.

That's what makes it so difficult.

You know, it's the sort of thing that
saints do.

I wonder if he's had some...

Spiritual awakening.

You know, it's the sort of thing that
happened to St. Joan when those soldiers

lit them faggots under her feet.

That was enough to make anybody sit up
and take.

I expect you're wondering what's made
this complete change in my attitude.

Well, we were discussing it, weren't we?

Were you very moved, Mr. Granger? Did
you have a deep religious experience?

No.

I won the pools.

I did a perm on the triple chance and I
got eight draws.

I wasn't going to tell you, but I just
couldn't keep it from you any longer.

How much have you won?

Well, there were only ten on the coupon
this week. It could be worth a fortune.

Here, I give a forecast.

Here we are.

23 points and over, claimed by phone or
telegram. Have you claimed?

He hasn't. Get on to them.

I won a first dividend once before, you
know. That was in 1936.

Yes, I got £22 .15.

I think it might be as much as £50 now.

Behind the times there, Mr Granger. Last
week there were only nine draws and

somebody won half a million.

Half. Half a million.

A glass of water for Mr. Granger.

How much do you suppose Mr. Granger's
won?

Well, there's every chance that dear old
Ernest has won something in the region

of half a million.

Oh, what a stroke of luck. And just when
he'd lost his job.

Well, that's the point, sir. He omitted
to put an X in the little box that says

no publicity.

Good Lord.

We shall be besieged by the press.

There'll be pictures of him shaking
hands with Bruce Forsyth.

Oh, well, he'll probably enjoy it.

Will you enjoy it when the fact comes to
light that you hounded an elderly man

into handing in his resignation?

I didn't do it. You placed the facts
before me.

But you said he had to go.

Nobody knows that.

I do.

We'd better get that letter of
resignation back.

I thought you might come to that
conclusion.

Oh, well, new to me, Peacock.

I was going to, sir.

And don't worry if the hat keeps falling
over your eyes, sir. It'll ride up with

wear.

How long does it take them to phone
back? The fellow from the pool said any

between now and five o 'clock. My nose
are in shreds. Look at my hands.

That one's shaking more than that one.

Well, I'm right -handed, aren't I?

Control yourself, this is a crisis.

Men's wear.

I'm afraid Mr. Granger's off the floor
at the moment.

Yes. Just tell us how much.

I see.

Thank you.

Well? Well, he did an up and down, eight
by twelve, any four from nine, double V

plan. But did he get eight draws?

Well, not all in one column.

It's a pity, really, because the first
prize this week is £400 ,000.

Well, did he get the second?

The third?

The fourth?

Is there a fifth?

Did he get it?

Didn't he get nothing?

It'll be the finish of him. Oh, when he
thought he won, he went all lovely.

Who's going to tell him?

Bags, not me.

Bags don't count. I've got my fingers
crossed.

Well, we'd better be careful. If you
blurt it out, he'll keel over.

I think you ought to tell him, Mr
Humphreys. You've got a more delicate

Not in a case like this.

I move that Mr Humphreys tells him.

Carried unanimous.

Well, thank you very much for your
democratic vote of confidence.

Well, you should worry.

Look at poor old Granger. He's lost his
job and 400 ,000 quid all in one week.

Yeah, poor old devil.

All he wanted was 50 quid and he didn't
even win that. Thank goodness he hasn't

had time to spend it.

I'm sorry I've been such a long time off
the floor.

I brought you all a little present.

Oh, you shouldn't. Oh, you certainly
shouldn't.

Their only little thing was there to
make up for all my beastliness.

I think my heart is going... It is very
exciting, isn't it?

Have they phoned up yet?

Yes. No, I haven't answered the phone.
Have you answered the phone, Mr.

Humphreys? I have nothing to pass on.

Now, Mrs.

Slocum, that is for you.

Miss Brown, you grow prettier every day.

Now, Mr...

Lucas, you young rascal, that's for you.

This is for you, for all the great
kindness that you've always shown

to me.

Now, this is Captain Peacock. I bought
him a silver holder for his carnation.

Where is he?

He's in Mr. Rumble's office.

You let him get away.

I was going to tell him. As sure as I'm
standing here, I was going to tell him.

Oh, look.

It's a diamantic collar for me pussy.

He must have cost at least eight quid.
This is a battery shaver. And a blow

dryer with three speeds.

Don't use the fast one. You'll blow it
away.

We'll have to give them back.

We can't do that, can we? That's no
good. I mean, they don't give you money

here. They just give you a credit note.

Well, look, we've all got something that
we want. Let's just give him the money

for it. Oh, he wouldn't take it. He's
got so much pride.

He's such a fine man.

I'll tell you what.

We'll tell him that the pool's firm rang
up, but his drawers were in the wrong

place.

And he's won 50 quid.

Well, we'll have to have a whip round.

Yeah, but the money's got to come from
Liverpool.

We'll get our Liverpool branch to send
him a postal order. He won't know the

difference. Well, for heaven's sake, go
and tell him quick before he buys a

yacht. Hey, listen, tell him as he comes
out of Rumble's office. There's a sofa

outside. He can collapse into that.

I'm the first aid man standing by. At
his age, anything can happen.

Thank you once again for the silver
spoon, Mr Granger.

I shall look forward to stirring my
morning coffee with it.

Well, they were just little things to
remember me by when I'm no longer

We were rather hoping to persuade you to
stay on.

Yes. Well, now I've sent my letter to
young Mr. Grace, I think I'd better go.

And Mrs.

Granger fancies a world cruise.

An irreplaceable colleague.

Yes, indeed.

One of nature's gentlemen.

And Nick told Granger's letter off of
Grace's desk just as his bony hand was

reaching for the paper knife.

Well done. Well done.

Now, you tell Mr Granger that Mr Grace
refuses to accept his resignation and

hopes that he'll stay with us for many
years to come. And then, when he wants

leave in a few weeks' time, we'll give
him a big send -off and get the right

sort of publicity.

How do you know that he will want to
leave?

Well, it stands to reason, doesn't it?
No -one wants just one half -a -million

nicker. We want to stay around this
country.

I wonder if Miss Rasputin told him yet.

Oh, sooner him than me.

Oh, look.

Oh. I knew it would be too much for him.

As soon as I got the words out, the
blood drained away from me.

You are.

He's had a terrible shock, you know.

I only won £50, did you know?

Oh, what a disappointment.

Well, I must say, I would have liked to
have had a few thousand pounds,

especially as I'm not going to be
working any more.

I've got good news for you, Ernest.

Mr Grace wouldn't hear of your
resigning. He even refused to open your

What's more, he hopes you'll stay on as
long as you like.

You really are all being very, very
kind. I was very naughty, you know, very

naughty. But I got you in this terrible
mood, and I just couldn't get out of it.

Oh, well, you're better now.

Yes, oh, yes, I feel that I, as though
I'd been reborn, you know.

Wait till you hear my letter.

Dear Mr.

Grace, I, Ernest Granger, being of sound
mind... That wasn't true for a start.

Having given the best years of my life
to your store, regretfully have to tell

you that you're a miserable old boot.

It gets funnier.

Captain Peacock's nothing but a
nitpicking old busybody.

is a frustrated old cow.

And as for Mr.

Humphrey, oh dear, I did go too far.